Caged
by Savage7289
Summary: This is not made for TV. This is the raw, brutal underground of no-holds-barred combat. Inside the cage there is nothing but me and the pain I inflict on those who dare enter. In the cage, I never had to worry about anyone but myself. When she started standing outside of it, everything changed. I was no longer fighting for the money or the glory – I had to fight for her.
1. Win The Fight

**Caged**

**By Shay Savage**

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

**Summary:** This is not made for TV. This is the raw, brutal underground of no-holds-barred combat. Inside the cage there is nothing but me and the pain I inflict on those who dare enter. In the cage, I never had to worry about anyone but myself. When she started standing outside of it, everything changed. I was no longer fighting for the money or the glory – I had to fight for her. UFCWard! E/B M – LVS

I had planned updating Tuesday and Friday, and I can already tell with RL the way it is, twice a week isn't going to work. I will strive to update every Friday at 10pm. STRIVE. Sometimes real life may get in the way, but I'll try to make up for it as soon as possible. If that happens, please be patient.

Big shout outs to DK for her ever-patient beta reading, Robin for all the blogsite stuff (and listening to my bitching about people bitching), and JadaPattinson for throwing this at me in twitter and making it stick in my head until I had to write it down. Yeah – whatever happens is all her fault.

Also, mega thanks to all the wonderful people who made banners for Caged – Soapymayhem, Stephenie Masen, Ro, Shahula, Cosmo Cozmo, Lolypop82, Unimaginative Olena, brodeurgirl30, Raum, Jo FicFreak…Phew! Geez, I really hope I didn't forget anyone! They were all awesome!

**Been teased enough? Ready for all of this? Please read first!**

My overall disclaimer can be found under my profile (extended, blunter version in the notes of the first chapter of Tempt My Tongue). I have no limits and no boundaries. I will write what needs to be written for the sake of the story, the characters, and their journey through life. If you have "triggers" that are going to seriously upset you or cause you to end up in therapy, please do yourself a favor and stop before you start. I won't be offended.

I make no promises.

Ever.

Now let's get this roller coaster up the hill, hmm?

Brave, trusting souls – please continue.

**My first thought was _fucking gorgeous_.**

**My second thought was _fucking stupid_.**

* * *

**Caged**

**By Shay Savage**

**Chapter 1 – Win the Fight**

I paced.

The cold cement of the hallway floor made my feet tingle a little, even through the tape wrapped around my insteps. My hands clenched into fists, unclenched, and then clenched again. I didn't know why I was feeling particularly fidgety – this night was like every other night when I worked. Something just seemed to have me on edge, and I didn't know why. I danced back and forth on the balls of my feet a few times, tilted my head to the ceiling with my eyes closed, and blew out a long, slow breath.

Maybe I just needed to get laid.

The deep base of _Sonne, _by _Rammstein_ started thumping through the sound system, and the door in front of me opened. My muscles flexed from shoulders to ass, and I prowled out of the empty, slanted hallway and into the crowd.

"_Eins_…_Hier kommt die Sonne…"_

The noise was insane for such a small place – it always was. _Feet First_ was a hole-in-the-wall drinking establishment in the crappier part of the city and probably couldn't fit more than three hundred people inside of it and keep a fire marshal happy. Not that anyone in a uniform came around that area. That was just asking for trouble, and the cops and other various officials would just as soon go give someone a parking ticket. They were less likely to get a bottle over the head or a knife in the back that way.

"_Zwei_…_Hier kommt die Sonne…"_

Hands reached through the holes in the chain fence to try and grab at me as I raised my arms up over my head and roared out at the crowd like some kind of half-domesticated circus animal. I spun in a small circle and absorbed the screams of the crowd into my skin as I made my way to the cage.

"Evil Eye! Evil Eye!"

I glared menacingly towards the onlookers, baring my teeth and growling. Near the end of the ramp and the door of the cage, I flung myself at the chain link between me and the patrons of the bar, snarling through clenched teeth and causing a group of them to startle away. Their eyes were wide and bright as they laughed nervously before moving back towards the fence. Again, they tried to reach through with their hands.

"_Drei_…_Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen…"_

Executing another slow spin with my arms raised, I ducked slightly to enter the fighting cage. From across the other side, Tanya sauntered over in shorts that looked about the size Barbie would wear, and a bikini top that left nothing to the imagination except for the bottom half of her nipples. She also took a little spin as she moved closer to me and tossed her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. There was more screaming – this time mostly from the guys – coming from the audience.

The patrons of _Feet First_ were mostly men, though there were always more women watching the bloodshed than you might think. Probably at least two women to every five men would enter the bar nightly, and those that made it through the first two minutes of a fight usually came back for more. Tanya thought they came back to watch me, but I thought they were just as bloodthirsty as the guys – they just don't advertise it as readily.

Hoots and hollers came from all sides as Tanya sauntered over to me and looked me up and down. I gazed right back at her, turning my head slightly as she began to circle. She was more familiar with the scene than I was, having been a fighter years before I ever even thought of it. In her mid-thirties, she could still pass for twenty-five with ease.

She walked around me like a cat with a single finger stroking over my shoulders and neck. She ran her fingernails lightly over the tribal tattoos covering my back and then dipped the tips of her fingers into my emerald green trunks. With still slow movements, she checked all around the hem of my shorts.

The thought was to verify the fighters didn't have anything hard, sharp, or hidden inside, but in reality it was nothing more than foreplay for the audience. Classical conditioning. They were drooling now, and they'd all orgasm by the time the fight was over. I eyed her with a cocky half grin as she finished it off by running her hand over my dick, much to the pleasure of the crowd.

"_Lässt dich hart zu Boden gehen  
Und die Welt zählt laut bis zehn…"_

My song faded, and some rap song started up instead. A big bald headed guy emerged from the opposite side and yelled obscenities at the booing members of the audience. He had a cheering section as well, but this was my venue and I was the favored fighter. He was shorter than me by quite a bit, but stocky with long, hairy arms.

Tanya handed me a mouth guard, which I slipped into my mouth and bit down on it. I stretched my arms up above my head once more and danced around on the balls of my feet. My opponent entered the cage, was given the same treatment from the slinky blonde, and the door was shut with a clang.

There was no referee.

There were no rounds.

There was really only one rule – whoever taps out or goes unconscious loses.

We circled each other, moving slowly around without getting any closer. The noise of the audience lessened, and my eyes focused on the man in the cage with me. He crouched slightly, and his nostrils flared out as he breathed heavily through them. His fists tightened as he raised them up in front of his body.

Awareness covered me. I knew the position of every muscle in my body, and I positioned each one in preparation for what was to come.

This was my element.

My show.

My life.

My one and only love.

I let him come at me first, gauging his tempo, favored hand, and which foot he liked to put forward. Leaning back quickly, I dodged his first blow and smacked him with an open palm across his left temple. He shook it off easily – it wasn't a very hard blow – and backed off as I jumped towards him, which left me open for his foot into my lower back. I gasped through the mouth piece at the clean hit, and backed off a bit to regain myself.

He didn't give me much time.

My left hand stayed up to block whatever blows he sent my direction, while my right jabbed out to punch him in the stomach. As he brought up his knee to connect with my kidney again, I wrapped my arm around his leg and held tight, but didn't let him fall. I turned to the side and followed the blow with my foot into his ribs. He fell backwards, recovered, crouched and jumped at me, landing a good blow across my temple.

I was stunned for a moment as lights flashed around in the back of my head. I felt his arms wrapping around my chest and shoulders as he shoved me backwards and into the cage, his fist coming up and smacking me in the head again as my shoulder scraped against the chain links. I leaned back into the cage wall and lifted my feet to wrap my legs around his waist.

A fist landed forcefully against my thigh, causing the muscle there to clench, but I didn't let go. I twisted to the right and then the left, and smashed my forehead into his nose. He lost his footing, and we both toppled to the floor as the crowd screamed out at us.

I landed on my back, but my legs kept their grip around his middle. My vision blurred slightly as I twisted again and flipped us over. His feet were up in the air behind me, and as my thigh muscles gripped him tighter, I started raining open handed blows to his head and face.

Without gloves, closed fists hurt my hands almost as much as they hurt his face, but that didn't stop me from switching to them. I could feel blood on my fingers, but I wasn't sure if it was from my knuckles or his battered nose. His arms came up to shield him from the pounding, so I leaned back to punch his ribs.

Sweat ran down my back, and I had to work hard to keep breathing steadily through my nose. My ear was ringing a bit from the earlier punch to my temple, but my vision was good again. My opponent tried to bring his leg up to kick at my back, but my hold was too strong. I kept up the punches with my right as my left arm sought out his neck.

Once I had my forearm across his throat, the fight was all but over. I felt him struggling under me, but the intensity became muted and shallow. I hit him on the side of the head a couple more time before I felt the tap of his fingers on my bicep.

I released my hold on him, jumped backwards, and spit the mouth piece out on the floor. I watched as he went nearly limp below me, a trickle of blood staining his cheek and forehead. I stumbled a little as I backed away, and the sting up near my temple finally registered to my brain. My head throbbed, but I could still focus okay. I heard the door of the cage open behind me, and felt Tanya's hand around my wrist, but I shook her off, still dazed.

The screams from those outside the cage filled my ears and the sound rippled through my skin as I collected my thoughts, realized it was over, and reached up towards the ceiling. I screamed in victory as the fans chorused around me.

"Evil Eye! Evil Eye!"

Tanya's hand reached up and grabbed my elbow, since at her height she couldn't reach my wrist, and she shook at my arm as she cried out to the crowd.

"Evil Eye Cullen – victor again for his twenty-seventh consecutive fight!"

The guy I was fighting rolled over and propped himself up on his hands and knees. Tanya went to help him to his feet, and he moved over to toss his arm around my neck for what I guess was supposed to be a manly hug.

"One of these days I'm gonna beat you, Cullen, I swear it!" he laughed.

"Have we fought before?" I asked. The guy didn't even look familiar, but then again, the fights all run together in my head.

He just laughed and shook his head.

"This is the third time you've kicked my ass," he confirmed.

"I must owe you a beer," I said, and we both grinned at each other.

Turning back towards the crowd, I was bombarded with faces, hands, and congratulations all poking through the fence as I stepped through the cage door. I high fived a couple dozen people on my way back down to the ramp and the make-shift locker room on the lower floor for a moment of peace before I had to go out and meet the public again.

As the door closed behind me, the noise was at least partially cut off and my head throbbed less as I made my way to the sink. Wincing a bit, I splashed cold water on the cut above my eye. It wasn't bad and only barely bleeding. There was a place on my back where I hit the cage that was likely worse, but I couldn't see how bad the cut was. Vanity was my main concern – I hoped it hadn't fucked up my tattoo. That shit cost me a lot of money.

I stripped and headed to the single stand-up shower in the locker room. The water wasn't hot enough to feel very good or relax my muscles, but it was certainly better than nothing. I washed quickly and grabbed one of the little towels folded up on a table next to the wall. They weren't big enough to be considered actual bath towels, so I just ran one of them over my chest, ass, and crotch before tossing it in the corner. It wouldn't fit around my waist, so there was no point in even trying. Crouching down in front of a group of metal lockers, I started rummaging through my gym bag for clothes.

"Nice..."

Tanya waltzed in without knocking, as usual, and emitted a low whistle. I glanced at her over my shoulder before going back to the items in my bag. She just kept eyeing me, clearly checking out my junk as I squatted down in front of my locker.

Whatever. I didn't have anything to hide.

Grabbing a pair of boxers, I stood and slipped them on before turning around and sitting on the little bench against the concrete wall. Tanya knelt down in front of me and deftly removed the tape from my feet and ankles while I unwound it from my wrists. Once that was done, I grabbed a pair of ripped up jeans and pulled them on.

"Turn around," Tanya ordered, and I did as she said. "Sit – I can't reach you from there."

I sighed, but couldn't really argue. She was maybe all of five-two, and I was nearly a foot taller. She wouldn't be able to check me out if I remained standing. I sat on the bench and she looked at my shoulder.

"What's the damage?" I asked. "Tats okay?"

"Just a scratch," she confirmed. "Tats survived."

Tanya pulled a bottle of rubbing alcohol out of her bag. Aside from being a cage fighter before she tore her ACL, she at least claimed to be a registered nurse. She certainly seemed to know what she was doing and even stitched up my side once when someone pulled a knife on me after losing a fight. It wasn't pretty but kept me from losing a lot of blood on the way to the hospital. Tanya tipped the bottle upside down with a piece of gauze over the opened lid and rubbed some of it on my shoulder, which made me hiss.

"Don't be such a baby," she chided.

"That fucking hurts."

"You'll go nine minutes getting punched in the face, and a little alcohol always makes you whine."

"I'm not whining," I insisted, shrugging her off. It didn't work, because she went after the cut over my eye next. Once she was done with her mothering I opened my locker, located the small felt bag on the top shelf, and dumped the contents into my hand – two round silver earrings. I slipped them both through the matching holes in my left ear. "Don't you have anything in there that doesn't fucking sting like a bitch?"

"Pussy."

I snorted, rolled my shoulder a couple of times, then reached into my gym bag for a T-shirt.

"Don't put that on," Tanya said with another exaggerated sigh.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one – you've got a lot of female fans out there tonight," she explained. "You know they want you half naked, and you also know you love to show off the ink. Besides, you just pulled that nasty, wrinkled thing out of your gym bag."

"So?"

"So, it smells like a dead dog."

"Nice." I tossed the shirt back in the bag and zipped it up. "Let's do this."

Back inside the bar, it was a madhouse. I shoved my way through, using my bulk and notoriety to get myself through the crowd and up to the bar. I maneuvered up to the very end to keep from being completely surrounded, and stood next to a big poster on the wall. It depicted an old guy with a long, white beard holding up a rat. At the bottom it read:

"_Feet first, Arthur. It's the only way out of here!"_

I had no fucking clue what it was supposed to mean, but Jasper, the owner of the bar, thought it was hysterical. He was a tall, lanky guy with blond hair that nearly reached his shoulders. He was behind the bar nearly every night and apparently bought the place because he liked talking to drunk people, though he never had a drink himself.

About fifteen people tried to buy me drinks – holding out long neck domestic beers and other shit I wouldn't touch. I did hand two of them to my now bandaged opponent, who seemed to need them more than I did anyway. I politely declined the rest of the drinks until Jasper placed a rocks glass with a single malt scotch in front of me – neat. When I looked up at him, Jasper motioned to a guy at the end of the bar, sitting there with a similar drink. His long, black hair was pulled back into a neat pony tail, and as our eyes met he raised his glass.

I copied his motion and sipped at the whiskey. It was top shelf – well, for this place, anyway – and went down pretty smooth. I raised an eyebrow at him before turning away and smiling seductively at a young woman in leather shorts and a tank top. When I had enough of being pawed at by various women and barraged with enough questions about my fighting style with various men, I snuck out back for a smoke.

I climbed up the half dozen stairs that brought me level to the street, jumped over the side rail at the top and into the enclosed area behind the bar. It was well past two in the morning, and the street was completely devoid of traffic. Most people in this neighborhood didn't have cars, and those who might have been passing through had done so in the safer hours of daylight. There wasn't much of anyone around except a small group of guys sitting on the steps of an abandoned warehouse on the other side of the street, passing a bottle in a brown paper bag back and forth between them.

_Subtle_, I thought with a snort and lit up my cigarette.

The back part of the bar was supposed to just be used for deliveries and taking plastic bags brimming over with bottles to the dumpster, but since it also connected to the locker room, I found it convenient to come out here to smoke away from the crowds that gathered outside the front doors. The area was surrounded by a chain link fence, which was not unlike the one that made up the fighting cage inside. There was a large poster on it displaying a picture of me, advertizing fights twice a week.

_Evil Eye Cullen_

_Cage Fights_

_Tuesdays and Fridays 10PM_

I leaned against the chain-link fence next to the poster and wrapped the fingers of one hand through the holes. I pulled against it a couple of times and listened to the sound it made while I watched the fight run through my head again. I inhaled smoke and blew it out my nose, trying to mask the heavy scent of garbage, vomit, and urine in the street.

My earlier thought of needing to get laid came back again, but I dismissed it. I hadn't hooked up with anyone in months, and even though my cock was starting to cringe away from my hand out of sheer boredom, I really didn't want to just randomly fuck another fangirl.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"A c-note, maybe," I responded to the man with the long, black ponytail. I forced my muscles to relax. I was not going to let him get to me, not this time. I glanced at him briefly and then looked back to the street. The bare bulb hanging just outside the door to the bar glinted off the silver earrings in his left ear as my eyes flashed past. "What brings you here, Aro?"

"Just checking up on my favorite nephew."

"I'm your only nephew."

"Technicalities."

I took another long draw on my cigarette and focused on the four guys across the street with their cheap bottle of booze and ratty clothes. One of them laughed loudly and shoved the guy next to him on the shoulder, which toppled the drunk over and onto the sidewalk. They all laughed as he tried to right himself again.

"Always loved this neighborhood," Aro said. His voice was completely flat and emotionless, but I still recognized sarcasm when I heard it.

"Well, housing is cheap," I said with a shrug.

"You still in that dump down the block?"

"It's convenient to work," I retorted. "Don't play games, Aro – what the fuck do you want?"

"Just your yearly reminder that you don't have to live like this." My uncle walked up behind me and placed his hand on my bare shoulder. "Just talk to him, Edward."

"No."

"It's been almost ten years."

"Fuck him," I replied. I could feel all my muscles tense from top to bottom – my shoulders, my arms, my back, my legs – all in a ripple down my body.

"You were a kid then."

"Old enough to be thrown out on the street, apparently."

"He regrets that," Aro stated.

"My ass," I growled. "He's pissed off he couldn't see into the future, that's his only regret."

Aro went silent, but I could hear his breath as he huffed it out through his nose.

"Your mother misses you."

That was a low blow, but I swallowed hard and clenched my fingers through the chain-link, refusing to respond. It didn't stop her face from popping up in my head, of course. Wavy brown hair covered her shoulders, and her bright smile made me feel loved and wanted.

Ultimately, she still took _his_ side.

Aro stepped a few feet away from me and smoothed out his hair.

"Fuck her, too," I muttered under my breath. I didn't think Aro actually heard me, though. Even after all this time, I felt like shit for saying it and wanted to take it back.

"Emmett says hello." It was a slightly better topic.

"Haven't seen him in a while." My cousin was a big-ass motherfucker. He would have made a great fighter, but he went into the family business with the rest of them. No room for that kind of shit in his life. Aro wasn't actually his father, but married a woman about fifteen years older than him who came with a son. It was cool though, because I had been the only kid my age in the family up until then.

Emmett and Aro were the only ones I still talked to at all.

"He's been pretty busy," Aro said. "Did he tell you he was going to marry Rosalie?"

"I figured," I said, feeling myself tense up a bit.

"Well, she's planning the wedding to end all weddings, apparently."

"There's a shock," I snorted.

Aro laughed, which quickly turned into a sigh.

"Not going to change your mind?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not this year," I replied. "I don't see Daddy Dearest making the trek down here to talk to me. What makes him think I'm going to take the fucking subway all the way over to his office? He can park the fucking Porsche back here and come have a beer if he cares so much."

"Edward…"

"You done?" I snapped.

"I guess so," he said. He let out another long breath. "It was good to see you."

"You, too." I didn't turn around and watch him walk back inside. His appearance brought up too many shitty memories, and though I did love my uncle, his presence left me feeling uneasy.

After a few more cigarettes, I tossed the last butt towards the street and headed back inside for a bit. It wasn't long before I determined getting laid was not going to happen given my mood and the general lack of teeth in the mouths of some of the patrons still left at _Feet First_ come closing time. I untangled myself from one of the hornier ones by telling her I had to take a piss, went back to the locker room to grab my gym bag, and headed out the back door. Once outside, I dropped the bag, fished around for my pack of Marlboros, and lit one.

A lone car crawled by, momentarily obscuring my view of the drunk-fest that was still going on across the street. They were pretty fucking loud, which was disturbing my final smoke of the evening before walking home. Usually this was my peaceful time, the only real quiet of the night I would get before returning home and trying to sleep through the car alarms and gunshots. At least the idiots in the apartment below me who used to fight at all hours of the night finally moved out. Maybe they were evicted. Whatever it was, I didn't have to listen to that shit anymore.

A chilly breeze blew down the street, bringing some of the more glorious scents up into the air and cooling my skin. I tossed the cigarette butt through the holes in the fence and into the gutter with the rest of the trash, and then went back to the door where I had dropped my gym bag to retrieve my shirt.

The trip-trapping sound of women's shoes on pavement caused me to look up, and I watched a young woman come into view as she passed the dumpsters at the back of the bar. She walked quickly with her head down and a purse with a long strap over her shoulder. Her long, brown hair was tied up in a pony tail at the top of her head, and she wore a pair of short-shorts, which showed off her long legs, and a tight T-shirt with the name of the bar and grill a few block down across her chest. I figured she was maybe five-foot-four and a hundred and fifteen pounds, because I tended to size people up that way. Nice build, nice tits. She didn't look over to me at all, just kept up her quick pace down the street with her eyes on her feet.

My first thought was _fucking gorgeous_.

My second thought was _fucking stupid_.

Who walked around this area of town in the middle of the night by themselves? I mean, yeah – I did – but I wasn't a very easy target. She might as well have had a sign on her back that said "mug me". I shook my head and went back to rummaging around in my bag. When I looked up again, the sound of her shoes was beginning to fade, but that wasn't what caught my attention.

The guys who had been sitting and drinking across the street had gone quiet, and were now all standing up with their heads close to one another. The guy with greasy, shoulder length, black hair turned his head to look down the street in the direction the girl was walking, and then nodded before he and a guy with a backwards baseball cap took off down the side alley that ran perpendicular to the street they were on.

I'd lived in that area a couple of years, and I knew that alley intersected with another alley, which then met up with a walkway between two of the abandoned warehouses, and dumped out onto this street a couple blocks down. The last two guys in the group were heavy set with unkempt dirty blond hair. They looked like they might have been brothers. They quickly abandoned the bottle-in-a-bag and started walking quietly but quickly in the same direction the girl was going, pulling the hoodies up over their heads as they walked.

Their intent was obvious.

"Fuck," I mumbled. I grabbed my bag, ignoring the shirt that fell out of it and on to the ground, and heaved at the heavy gate that enclosed the area behind _Feet First_. For once, the damn thing was padlocked. I growled before flinging my bag up and over the fence, grabbing onto the links with my fingers, and hauling myself up and over it. I had to move pretty quick if I was going to catch up with the drunks and their would-be victim.

I was never one to play the hero, but some things you just didn't let slide.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

And so begins UFC/Cagefighterward, AKA: Tattooed Hunk of Ass (THoA – pronounced with a Steele Magnolia's accent, so it sounds more like the God of Thunder). Thank you JadaPattinson, Stickybuns, and blondemel47– the first of the Thoa's Horas. Keep that accent up. Yeah, you get the idea.

Hope you enjoyed the beginning! Next fight will be next Friday at 10pm Eastern! Who do you think his opponent(s) will be?

I shall be highly impressed by anyone who got the "Feet First, Author" reference. No Google-cheating!

Evil Eye Cullen's theme song is Sonne by Rammstein, and it kicks ass.

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	2. Save The Girl

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone, and welcome back to Friday Fight Night! So glad people seem to like Caged so far, and thank you all so much for all the reviews! Just remember – FFN has made it easier to review since you don't have to log in first, but if you ask me a question in a review and you want an answer, I can only find you to answer if you logged in!

The poster in Jasper's Bar with the "Feet first, Arthur, it's the only way out of here!" is from Robin Hood and the Sorcerer. A few people got it, but not many! "Feet First" in general means to leave a place dead.

I can't believe no one mentioned the disclaimer. I'm very disappointed. ;)

Now my THoA's Horas, shall we begin?

**"Are you just stupid?"**

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Save the Girl**

Stepping lightly but quickly, I moved down the quiet, empty street. There was a bend just a couple of blocks ahead of me, and both the girl and the guys pursuing her must have already passed it. I couldn't see anyone else on the street at all, though someone could certainly have been hiding in the shadows. More than half the streetlights were out here – no one ever seemed to bother replacing them – and you couldn't see any moon or stars. The light pollution from deeper in the city was the only thing keeping the night from being completely dark.

I moved a little faster, making my way around the curve in the street.

I saw them then, and I was correct in my initial assessment of their plans. They had already caught up to her – two in the front, two in the back. The one with the baseball cap and the greasy one were behind her with their arms held out a little to keep her in place, while the two brothers shifted back and forth in front of her. They had her surrounded and were moving slowly, herding her towards the walkway between two buildings.

"Hey sugar," the blond brother with the darker colored hoodie purred. I was pretty sure it was the one who had shoved his buddy down in the street earlier. "Don't be like that. We just want to have a little fun."

"Yeah, you know," the kid in the backwards baseball cap said, "invite you to our little _par-tay_."

I hated people who talked like that.

"Get away from me!" The girl slung her bag off her shoulder and held it in both hands, like she might try to use it as a weapon.

The group laughed and closed in on her. One of them reached out and grabbed the bag, wrenching it from her hands and spilling the significant contents of the large bag all over the street. The guy with greasy black hair reached for her then, grabbing her by the tops of both arms and pulling her backwards as she cried out.

Like anyone around here would even notice her screaming, or care if they did hear her.

The guy in the hoodie stepped forward and began to reach for her. I dropped my own bag, no longer concerned with a silent approach, and raced down the street. They were far too occupied with their captive to notice me anyway, and I managed to get right behind the one grabbing for her.

My hand grasped the top of his head, clenching into the material of his sweatshirt and right into his hair as well. I yanked him backwards and off balance, and then released him as he fell on his ass with a thud. Changing my balance, I leaned over and let my foot fly out, catching another one in the side. I heard a distinctive crack as my booted heel came into contact with his ribs.

I turned my eyes to the greasy black-haired guy who was taking a few steps backwards, still holding the girl tightly and shaking her, like he was going to threaten her to keep me away from him.

"Hey, man!" They were all the words I allowed to leave his mouth.

I stepped forward quickly and grabbed the girl by her ponytail. She cried out again, but I couldn't pay attention to that as I pulled her face towards my chest and punched out over her head to land three knuckles right against Greasy's trachea.

He released her arms immediately and clasped at his throat.

Spinning to my left, I kept the girl close to me for a moment, and then shoved her off to one side before turning to the next guy who was coming at me. She cried out in surprise, stumbled, and ended up dropping to the street, but I couldn't really think about that. I knew she wasn't seriously hurt and was out of the way; that was all I needed.

The asshole with the backwards cap and the moronic ghetto-speak took a swing at me, which I easily ducked. He was still drunk enough he almost knocked himself right over onto the street, but I caught him. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up close enough to slam my palm into his nose. I heard a snap just before I dropped him to the asphalt.

I quickly looked around me and saw two of the guys running off down the alley. The one I had just dropped to the ground was whining and moaning about his nose, and the last one – the one I had grabbed first – was heading in my direction.

He was, without a doubt, the instigator of all of this. My eyes narrowed as he approached and swung out wildly, like he didn't even know where I was. I sidestepped and backed up – letting him come at me again. After a couple more swings, he seemed to be pretty much out of breath. That's when I pounced.

Before I even touched him, I was in the zone, though I never felt disconnected like some guys said they did during a fight. I was always completely focused, I just felt _different_ at the same time. Everything seemed brighter, even in the dim light coming from the one street lamp at the end of the block, in sharper focus, and alive. Every muscle was poised ready for my command. Every synapse was prepared to fire at my will.

Spinning around, my boot connected with the side of his head. Before he had the chance to fall backwards, I reached out and gripped his hoodie in my fist, twisting the fabric right under his neck around in my fingers. I could feel the string for the hood against my thumb as I pulled him up closer to me and slammed my other fist into his gut.

The air rushed out of him in a fragrant gasp. He slumped towards me, but I held him out a ways so I had better access to punch his kidney next. Then his face. Then the top of his arm. Then his face again.

He was screaming and crying at this point, begging me to let him go. For a minute I couldn't understand why he didn't tap out, but then I realized he didn't know the rules. My grip released with some effort – the knuckles had tightened up and ached when I straightened my fingers – and he dropped to the ground in front of me.

A moment later he was up again, turning and fleeing down the street with sideways-slouched, stumbling steps.

For a second I was confused. There wasn't any cheering and no one was grabbing my wrist to hold my hand in the air. I was just standing in a deserted street with my heart pounded in my chest and my breaths coming out in heavy pants into the night air. The cool September breeze no longer chilled my skin even as it collided with the sweat covering my chest and back. Then I remembered what I was doing and that the street wasn't completely deserted.

I turned to the girl on the ground.

She was staring down the street in the direction the last of the attackers had run. A few feet away from her was the discarded purse – if you could really call it that – lying on the ground with the contents all over the asphalt. Whatever it was, it was too damn big to be a purse. Tanya always carried those tiny little things that fit in your hand, but this one looked like you could fit a whole butterball turkey in it.

My hands were still a little shaky. The fight hadn't lasted more than about a minute and a half, and I had way too much built up adrenalin. All my muscles were tight, and my hands were still clenched into fists. The desire to beat the shit out of something hadn't ebbed near enough in such a short amount of time, and all the energy from my arms and legs seemed to back up into my brain.

I had an instant headache and wished there was a twenty-four hour gym somewhere close by. As it was, there was only one place for me to vent my building energy.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I heard myself shout. My hands continued to tighten into fists as the girl startled and gasped, and her wide eyes focused on me.

"I was just walking home…"

"In this neighborhood? At this time of night? Do you have a fucking death wish?"

I really had no idea why I was shouting at her, I just couldn't believe how fucking stupid she was. Everyone knew how nasty this area was in the daytime, and it was past two in the morning. The fact that this obviously young, attractive – well, far more than just _attractive_, really – girl was wandering around this area in the middle of the night pissed me off.

"You know if I had come out of the bar two minutes later or happened to have my back turned when those guys started after you, you'd be getting double-teamed in the alley about now!"

Her face went pale in the light of the distant streetlamp, and she looked a little sick. That didn't seem to stop my mouth, though.

"Are you just stupid?" I probably would have gone on, but she wrapped her arms around herself and glared up at me.

"Stop yelling at me!" she screamed. She turned away, but I saw her reach up with the back of her hand to swoop up underneath her eyes.

Shit.

I turned slightly away from her and practically bit down on my tongue to keep myself from saying anything else. I brought my fisted hands up against my stomach and tried to pull the tension inside of myself, work through it, and calm down. I could hear her crying combined with choked breaths and sniffles.

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath. I was starting to come off the fighting high I had been on – the tears might have helped with that – and my stomach felt all tight.

After three long, deep breaths, I looked back to the girl on the ground and saw her frantically rubbing at her eyes and cheeks. She didn't look at me as she reached out and pulled her mostly empty bag close to her. She looked inside, and then looked around her at all her things on the ground.

"Sorry," I mumbled. I wasn't all that great at apologies, and I figured now wasn't going to be much different. I'd obviously upset her with all my shitty comments, though. "I didn't mean to…I just…"

I let out a big sigh.

"Just don't do that shit anymore."

She nodded once and then reached out to grab something off the ground near her and shoved it back into the bag. From the amount of stuff scattered all over the street, my estimate on the size of the so-called purse wasn't too far off. There was an umbrella, a little flashlight, a bunch of tubes and bottles, at least a half dozen pens, a small notebook, a paperback book, some keys, a bottle of hand lotion that was nowhere near travel sized, a stack of tissues wrapped up in a Ziploc bag, and a whole pile of other crap.

There was shit from her bag from one side of the fucking street to the other.

She started crawling around, gathering it all up, and cramming it back inside, which gave me a fabulous view of her ass in the short-shorts style waitress uniform the place up the street usually demanded. I could kind of see how she might have thought she could use the bag as a weapon – there had been more stuff in there than really should have been able to fit, even though it was huge. I looked around on the ground to see if there was an actual kitchen sink, or at least part of one, but I didn't see anything metal. There was something that looked like a small rock, though.

"How do you even carry that thing around?" I asked.

"What?"

"That…that purse-bag-thingy there," I said, pointing and shaking my finger at it. I wouldn't have admitted it, but the whole idea of the thing scared me, and I wasn't sure why. I felt like if I got too close to it I might get sucked in, never to be seen again. "It's insane."

Her eyes became little slits as she looked up to me.

"There is nothing wrong with my purse!" she growled.

"It's huge," I said.

"It has everything I need in it."

"It has everything you and ten of your friends could need for a week," I replied with a laugh. "I know there are people who carry Chihuahuas in their purse, but you could fit a Dane in there."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Okay, a decent sized Schnauzer then."

I got another glare, but this time it sort of made me smile. As the corners of my mouth turned up, I couldn't help but take it farther.

"A pair of poodles?" I asked. "They could sit under the umbrella and read to each other from the book."

"Not really." She seemed to be actively trying to keep her frown on her face now, and her tone had definitely changed.

"I bet there are lost works of art in there," I teased. She just shook her head. "Undiscovered sonnets."

"You are very strange," she said, but she had cracked a bit of a smile.

"I could be a lot worse," I said. She went silent as she looked back down the street and a shudder ran through her body. "I'm gonna get you home, okay?"

"Home?"

"You live around here, right?"

"Um...well, yeah," she stammered. She looked in the direction she had originally been walking.

"I could walk you home," I suggested. "Make sure…well, just get you home."

"How can I trust you?" she said cautiously.

"Trust me?" I asked, trying to decide if I was offended by the very notion that I was somehow not trustworthy. I mean, I had certainly just saved her from a rough night, and most likely a whole lot worse than a little pushing and shoving. I raised both brows at her. "Well, if I was going to rape you and kill you – which was probably their plan – I would have just insisted on going _first_, not chase the other guys away."

Her eyes went wide, and she dropped whatever she was holding onto the pavement. She quickly scrambled after it while I ran my hand through my hair and tried to get myself back together.

"Sorry," I muttered again. I closed my eyes and rubbed my fingers into the sockets before looking back to her. "I think all in all, you're better off with me than you are by yourself."

"Better the evil I know?" she responded with a smirk. The look and the tone of her voice didn't match her eyes, though – there was fear there. It was entirely possible I was a bit too blunt, but that shit was also true.

"Something like that, but you don't know me, either." I smirked right back.

"You're my hero," she said, but seemed to immediately regret the words. She looked away from me, and her throat bobbed as she swallowed.

She had a beautiful neck – long and pale. I could see the outline of her carotid artery as it pulsed just under her skin. Her heart rate was still a little higher than normal, and I wondered if I was still scaring her. I tried to put her at ease, at least, as much as she could be at ease in the dark street with a guy she didn't know, minutes after she was attacked.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I told her. She nodded, but didn't look up. "I'm just going to make sure you get home safe, okay?"

"Okay," she said flatly.

I wondered if she was going to go into shock or anything. I definitely needed to get her behind a locked door as quickly as possible so she could relax again. I hoped since she was walking, she wouldn't have too far to go.

"Where do you live?"

"Just around the corner," she replied as she collected the last few items from the pavement and added them to the collection in the monster-bag. "A few blocks to the left. You don't have to go out of your way-"

"I know the area," I interrupted. "I'm walking you home."

I wasn't asking anymore, and she didn't try to fight it. I picked up my gym bag and she picked up her purse. I thought about putting a shirt on, but then I remembered I had dropped it back at _Feet First_. Considering Tanya's comment about how it smelled, maybe that was for the best. Besides, I was still warm from the exertion, and it wasn't more than a ten minute walk home.

I grabbed a couple of the other items that had been hanging out near my feet – a tube of lipstick and something else round – _shit_, a fucking _tampon_ – and handed them both over to her without meeting her eyes. She took them quickly, mumbled a _thank you,_ and shoved them into the huge, practically overflowing handbag.

She stood up and looked to me, and her eyes got big again.

"You got hurt!" she said as she lifted her fingers up towards my temple, and then pulled away without touching me.

I reached up and felt the little cut above my eye and snickered.

"They didn't touch me," I assured her. "That was from work."

"Work?"

"Yeah, I'm a fighter."

She paused and her eyebrows screwed together.

"A what?"

"A fighter," I repeated. "You know – two guys in a cage beating the shit out of each other."

"In a cage?" she asked with disbelief.

"Yep." I stated it simply and without making a grandiose noise out of the final consonant, because that would just sound stupid.

"For real?"

I laughed.

"Yeah, for real."

"I thought that was just on TV."

"We all have to start somewhere," I muttered.

"Sorry," she said. She wrapped the strap of her bag around her neck and shoulder.

"What for?"

"I didn't mean to be…" Her voice trailed off for a second. "_Insulting_."

"I'm not insulted."

"Oh…well, okay then." She ran her teeth over her bottom lip and looked down the dark street. I was pretty sure she shuddered a little.

"Let's get you home," I commanded as I started walking.

She nodded, and I walked next to her as she headed off in the same direction I usually walked home anyway. She kept her fingers wrapped around the strap of the huge bag and continued to stare at the ground as she walked.

"Don't do that," I said.

"Do what?" Her eyes met mine for a moment.

"Look at the ground," I said. "You aren't paying attention to your surroundings, so it makes you an easier target."

"Oh," she responded. At first she looked right back to the ground again, but then she seemed to process what I had said and held her head a little higher.

"Where are you from?"

"What makes you think I'm not from here?"

"You aren't from the city," I stated.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," I snickered. "Girls from around here know better than to walk alone. Except the hookers, but that doesn't seem your style."

She glared at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm from Washington State," she said with a tone that told me I was just about to my question quota.

"You're a long ways from home," I said. "How long have you lived here?"

"Two weeks," the girl answered. "I'm going to school here."

"You got a name?" I asked.

"Of course I have a _name_," she replied, rolling her eyes. "It's Bella. You?"

"Edward," I told her, and I held out my hand. She took it, shaking it briefly before she nearly tripped over her own feet and the flat ground. "I hope you don't chew gum."

I laughed at my own joke.

"Very funny," she snapped back. "I'm not overly…coordinated."

We walked the next block in silence. I felt kind of bad for picking on her, so I tried another approach.

"So what are you studying?"

"Economics."

"Really?" I narrowed one eye at her.

"Why is that so surprising?" she asked, obviously displeased with my reaction.

"I dunno," I responded with a shrug. "Just not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"Um…teaching? Maybe nursing or physical therapy – something like that."

"Why, because I'm a woman?"

"Uh…well…" I didn't really know how to respond to that. I wasn't really sure why I thought that she would say something else; economics just didn't seem to fit. "Well, why economics?"

"Because I don't understand why some people have a ton of money and others don't have anything," she said simply. "It doesn't have anything to do with how hard they work. I thought if I learned more about it, it would help me understand."

I laughed again.

"I'm not a comedian," she growled. "Stop laughing at me."

"I'm not." I shook my head. "I mean, I am, but…not like that. It's just…weird."

"I am not weird!" she yelled as she stopped in her tracks and snarled at me. "It makes perfect sense, and maybe you have just been hit in the head too many times to understand anything other than punching people, but I really don't see how your opinion ought to matter to me!"

"Whoa!" I called out, stopping and turning to face her and holding my hands up in surrender. "Easy, there! I just…shit…I just never heard of anyone wanting to study something like that. It's cool."

Her look softened but remained wary, so I turned it around on her.

"And now you have insulted me," I told her.

"What? How?"

"I have not been hit in the head too many times – I fucking win."

I grinned at her before I started walking across the street. She rolled her eyes again, but continued on beside me. We were quiet now, with her only speaking up when we made a turn to the right and crossed another dark street.

"This is my street," she said.

I felt an odd tingle run through my arms, but didn't respond.

Bella stopped in front of a three story apartment building with faded brown paneling that tried to give it some sort of Tudor flair and failed miserably. There was a barred door painted black with one of those keypad security systems attached to it. The windows on the ground floor also had bars, though the ones higher up didn't. I glanced up the fire escape stairs next to the door and saw a black haired girl swinging her legs and smoking a cigarette. The ash flicked out into the air and landed beside me on the chipped sidewalk.

"This is where you live?" I tried to stop from smiling too much. I mean, what were the odds?

"Yes," she said. Her tone was dark. "It's not as bad as it looks from the outside."

"Heh," I snorted. "Yes it is."

I reached forward and gave the barred door a good yank. It opened immediately, even without entering a code or anything. Bullshit security system hadn't worked in at least eight months. Bella kind of glanced at me sideways as I held it open and made a grand gesture with my arm.

"After you," I said.

"It's supposed to be a secure building," she said. "They said they were going to be getting that fixed soon."

"Yep," I replied, "that's what they tell ya."

"I'm not really supposed to let anyone inside the building." She looked off to the side, like she was afraid to send me away while looking me in the eye.

I chuckled.

"You aren't home yet," I told her. "I said I would walk you home."

"It's just inside," she said.

"First floor?"

"Yes."

"What number?"

Her jaw tensed and she continued to look away from me. It looked like she was focusing on a stack of broken up pieces of brick lying in a haphazard pile near the entrance to the apartments. She glanced up at me before blowing out a big gust of breath.

"Fine," she grumbled. "Come on in."

Bella led me to the fourth door on the right, which had faded, not-really-brass numbers tacked up to it. Number_142_.

I laughed in one quick burst.

"You live here?"

"Yes," she said as she fished around in her purse for keys.

I guessed might nights were going to be a little quieter, and I chuckled softly to myself.

I shook my head as she glared at me.

"Why is that funny?"

I started to consider the reasons it was funny, but the reasons that all of this was _not_ funny popped into my head instead. They were especially obvious as she continued to fumble around for her keys with her head practically buried in her monstrous over-the-shoulder bag.

I mean, she had just led a perfect stranger – hero or not – right to her door.

"Bella…" I shook my head a little to try to keep my cool. I started counting on my fingers. "One, stop being so trusting – this ain't the small town you grew up in. Yeah, I'm not one to rape you in the street, but that doesn't mean I'm not the kind of guy who would get you back somewhere private and do the same. Two, get your keys out _before_ you get to the door. Hold them in your hand – like this."

I grabbed her wrist before she could move and pushed a little, furry, wolf-shaped keychain against her palm. Then I positioned the keys on the ring between her fingers.

"Go for the eyes," I said. I raised her hand up with mine and wrapped her fingers into a fist. The keys jutted out between her fingers, turning her hand into a fairly impressive weapon. "Third, don't fucking walk on that street at night by yourself. Get a fucking ride. Someone where you work has to have a car. Fourth, look where you are going, for Christ sakes. Get your head up like you know where you are going and what you are doing, even if you don't. Fifth and final – let me know if you need anything. I'm right above you in apartment 242."

With that, I turned and left her, mouth agape, in front of her door while I headed for the stairs at the back of the hall. I could feel her eyes on me, and found myself compelled to look back one more time and grin at her before I headed up the stairs at the back of the hallway. She pursed her lips, but they quickly spread into a smile just before she entered her apartment and closed the door.

I was never one to get attached, but I had the feeling I'd be seeing her again.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Big purses scare me, too.

I had no idea MTV had a show called Caged. Kind of wished I had chosen another title now! LOL

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged (link on my profile page). Check it out and go chat with others who are reading!  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	3. Make the Move

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Welcome back THoA's Horas! It's Friday Fight Night!

A few people have asked what city they are in – it isn't a specific one. Just a big, mid-western kind of city. I didn't want to specify exactly which one and it doesn't really matter. Call it Metropolis if you like. :)

Thank you all for the marvelous reviews! I really appreciate them! Stop by the reading group for Caged - the link is on my profile. There are lots of great discussions and questions there!

Big thanks to DK for her diligence in fixing my typos and such. :) Love ya!

**I decided to stop fucking around and just beat the guy.**

* * *

**Caged **

**Chapter 3 – Make the Move**

My apartment was way too quiet, and I had too much pent up energy to even consider going to sleep. I took a quick shower and pulled on a pair of sweats, commando-style. I was just about out of clean underwear, and I fucking hated doing laundry. The refrigerator called to me, but when I opened it I was not particularly impressed with the contents. The only thing that interested me mildly was the six pack of Guinness, but I wasn't in the mood for beer.

I shut the door and looked over the small, four room apartment. The whole place could be seen if you stood between the kitchen and the living room, with just a small opening to one side that led to the single bedroom and bathroom. It wasn't pretty, but…

Well, _but_ nothing. It was a dump. The whole building was. It did fit the unique qualifier of being a place I could afford, though, which wasn't much. Most of the apartments in the building were advertized as furnished, which was an overstatement. I had gotten a deal on mine because the previous dude took most of the furniture with him the night he disappeared. I had to supply my own, but the rent was dropped down to make up for it.

Most of it came from _Freecycle_.

The mattress had been new when I got it, at least. I'd splurged a bit on it when I moved in, deciding I could make up for it but not actually getting a proper bed. It just sat on the floor of my bedroom with a little nightstand made of cinderblocks and plywood.

I walked over to the gym bag I had discarded by the door and pulled out my cigarettes. Climbing over dirty laundry on the bedroom floor, I hauled the window open and threw my leg over the sill. Right outside was a ledge of decent width, so I could make my way over to the fire escape.

On one side of the three foot by six foot platform was a miniscule woman of completely indeterminate age. If you just looked at her size, you'd think she was about twelve, but her eyes were a whole different story. They were deep and dark and gave you the impression they'd seen a lot of deep and dark shit. By her eyes, you'd put her at a hundred. If someone really asked me to guess, I'd probably say she was in her thirties, but that was still a guess. Her hair was a mess of spiky black tangles, and I kind of doubted she owned a hairbrush.

"What's shaking, Crazy Alice?" I wasn't expecting a response and didn't get one as I dropped down on my ass next to her and lit my cigarette.

Crazy Alice lived in the apartment next to mine and had been in the neighborhood longer than my nine years here. She didn't really say much of anything, let alone talk about herself, so I didn't really know much about her. The assumption was she was on disability for whatever the hell was wrong with her head, living here in the half of the apartments dedicated to Section Eight Housing. She spent almost all her days and nights sitting on the fire escape and chain smoking.

Every once in a while, she's start yelling proclamations about the future at people on the street and the police would get called. That always stirred shit up and had even been pretty damn entertaining more than once. Most people just ignored her, but I sometimes kind of liked talking to someone who almost never said anything back, and she didn't seem to mind me sitting out here with her.

I never knew what she would be doing when I crawled out the window to join her on the fire escape. Sometimes she'd make a lot of strange sounds, sometimes she'd spend the afternoon pushing her finger into each and every hole in the fire escape grate, sometimes she'd take off her clothes and just lay up there in her underwear until the landlord or police made her put them back on.

Tonight she was stacking cigarette butts into a little pyramid of sorts. She had done this before, and at least her timing was a little better. When she did it during the day and a door in the building slammed shut, they would all tip over and she'd go ballistic.

"Pretty," Crazy Alice said. She took a long draw on her cigarette, which brought it all the way to the filter. I cringed a little at the smell, knowing what that tasted like, and shook my head.

"You saying I'm pretty?" I asked with a quiet chuckle. "I didn't know you were into guys."

She didn't respond, and I didn't try to get her to do so. I had been out with her enough to know that random shit just came out of her mouth for no particular reason. I used to try to figure out what she was talking about, but I never got very far so I didn't try any more. She could have been talking about me, the stack of butts, or the crab grass growing in the gutter for all I knew.

I leaned back against the brick wall behind me, then hissed and pulled away. It was damn cold. I decided to sit up with my knees up against my chest instead. I took a long draw on the smoke and watched the ash fall between the holes in the grate below me. Crazy Alice lit up another cigarette off a little butane lighter she kept shoved in the center of her bra and actually looked at me for a minute. As soon as I looked to her, she looked away. She never looked me in the eye.

I shivered a little, wondering if it was warmer inside than it was outside. I concluded it was probably about the same. At least inside there was a blanket on the bed and no wind. I sucked down my cigarette and started to climb back inside.

"Don't stay out here all night, Crazy Alice," I said on my way in. "And eat something, for Christ's sakes. I'm afraid you'll fall right through the grate."

She didn't respond or even look at me.

Rubbing at my eyes, I clambered onto the queen-sized mattress and dropped onto my back. A heavy sigh escaped me, and I pulled the sheet and blanket up to my chest before I rolled over to my side. It was too cold to sleep comfortably but too warm to actually crank up the heat. I had already had the electric turned off once when I couldn't cover the bill and tried to economize as much as possible on heat and lights.

Physically I was exhausted, but my mind didn't seem to want to turn off. Visions of the girl in the street with her ridiculous purse-slash-Bag of Holding ran through my mind.

_Bella._

She just didn't seem to be the kind of person who would be living in this area, working at that nasty bar-and-grill and having a bunch of guys ogle her for tips. And studying economics? Really? Who does that other than the Northsiders and their high society business and bullshit majors? People didn't study economics because it sounded interesting – they did that because Daddy told them that's what they needed to take over as CEO.

_"Just your yearly reminder that you don't have to live like this."_

"Fuck you, Aro," I mumbled into my pillow. I told my mind to shut the fuck up as well and brought the blanket up a little higher as I sighed dropped into sleep.

…

Still bleary-eyed, I laced up my running shoes and carefully locked my apartment behind me. I couldn't help but glance at apartment 142 as I went by and realized I was kind of hoping to run into the new neighbor, Bella, as I took off for my mid-morning run. It had been a week since we met in the street, but I hadn't seen her again. Sometimes when I would get home I'd see her lights on, but never actually saw _her_.

I took off running across the street, checking for cars as I went. It was good weather for running, at least – not as hot as it had been just a few weeks ago. I turned left and headed out of the neighborhood on my typical route.

My usual three-mile run took me out of the slums and into an industrial district. There were still a lot of warehouses and factories that had shut down in the recession but a decent number that were still open. I knew at least a couple people in my building who sometimes got work in one of them, but the layoffs were still frequent and they'd be right back on welfare a few months later.

At least I wasn't that bad off.

I had a good deal working for Jasper and Tanya. I got paid a hundred a fight, win or lose. If I won, I got more. Fighting twice a week put me at just enough to live on, and not much more. I could make rent on my crappy apartment, feed myself, and pay for the utilities. I usually had a little left over for smokes and weekly pizza delivery.

I did better than a lot of people I knew.

Thinking about my own livelihood made me wonder just how Bella was doing. She had only been around a few weeks, she had told me the night I met her, and I wondered how she was adjusting to school, work, and living in a shit neighborhood that was probably very unlike whatever she had at home.

There was a scrawny little tree surrounded by the only patch of real dirt for a mile in any direction. It was the spot that marked my halfway point. I circled wide and then headed back in the direction of my building at a slightly faster pace. Once I crossed back over the street, I checked my time and walked around the block to cool off before going back inside to down three large cups of water.

I looked over at my hand-me-down rowing machine in the corner of the living room and sighed. I didn't work out much on fight nights – just the run early in the day to keep myself from doing too much right before a fight. Tonight was going to be a challenge night, too, which always took a lot out of me.

There wasn't shit to watch on television, and I wondered why I even bothered to steal cable from Crazy Alice. Not that it was really stealing from _her_; we just kind of…shared it. I brought her smokes when she ran out, and she didn't respond when I asked her if she minded if I strung another line through our windows. She let me in to do it, so I figured it was okay with her, at least.

It wasn't worth hanging around and doing nothing, so I grabbed my gym bag and headed to the bar early. Jasper and a kitchen chick named Siobhan were there, serving a single customer whose name I couldn't remember, but he was always there and always hammered. Phil? Peter? Some "P" name, I thought. It was still too early for the after work crowd to start showing up yet, so he was on his own, muttering bullshit about the upcoming presidential election.

"Hey, Cullen!" Jasper called out as I walked in. He rubbed at the inside of a pint glass with a towel. "You're early."

"Bored," I announced. "Figured talking to you was better than talking to myself."

"You ordering?"

"If you'll spot me from tonight's take."

"No problem," he said.

Jasper didn't carry anyone on credit – no fucking way. He let me get by with it on the day of a fight, though – since he would see enough at the door to make it worth his while, even if I didn't show up and he had to jump in the cage himself. The day before, I'd be shit out of luck, but fight days were okay with him.

"Scotch?" Jasper asked.

"Veggie Burger?" Siobhan asked. The large, grandmotherly woman stocked them just for me.

"No scotch – just the burger and a beer. Thanks." I sat down on one of the stools nearby while Jasper drew a Guinness out of the tap. I hung out and had a couple drinks while people slowly began to trickle in. The early ones knew who I was and would come over to make small talk before the crowds arrived. A couple hours before the fight, Paul and Sam waltzed in. They were Jasper's bouncers and just freaking huge height-wise. Both had black hair and dark eyes, and they could have passed for brothers but claimed to be unrelated. Neither one of them could fight for shit, but they were big enough they rarely ever had to do anything but stand up straight to get a patron to behave.

"Evil Eye fights again!" Paul roared out in greeting. I fist-bumped with him, then went back to nursing my beer. A few minutes later, Sam cocked his head to one side to point at the door, and I followed him out for a smoke.

"Word on the street says you fucked up some guys on your way home the other night."

"Oh yeah?" I said, raising my brow as I lit up. "Who said that?"

"One of the guys you fucked up."

I laughed and took a deep drag.

"He came in here last night saying Evil Eye Cullen broke his nose," Sam told me. "He thought that as his employer, Jasper ought to pay for it."

"Oh yeah?" I said again. "What did Jasper do?"

"Had me break one of his fingers."

That had me nearly in tears.

"So what's the deal?" Sam asked. He blew smoke out of his nose as he talked. "You don't get enough fighting as it is?"

"They were fucking with some girl," I told him.

"You in the business of damsels in distress now?" He snickered.

"That shit ain't right," I said. "They didn't need to be messing with her."

"Who is she?"

"Just some girl," I said with a shrug. "I hadn't seen her before that night. Turns out she lives in my building, though."

"No shit?"

"Yeah – remember the couple I was always bitching about? The ones who would fight and scream all the time?"

"Yep."

"They're gone, and she's in the apartment below me now."

"That ought to help you sleep better," Sam replied.

"Amen to that shit," I agreed. "I wonder why Jasper didn't mention it."

"Because he wants to hold it over your head later," Paul said as he stepped out from behind the front door and joined us for a smoke. "Did you fuck her?"

"Who?"

"The bitch you saved?"

"No," I scowled at him.

"Well, what's the point, then?" Paul asked. He grinned a ridiculous grin and winked at me, but I didn't really find anything funny about his comment, and he caught on to that. "Who is she?"

"I don't know," I said. "If you wanted the whole fucking story, why didn't you come out sooner?"

"Jasper had me hauling beer from the delivery truck," Paul replied. "Are you going to see this girl again?"

"I don't know," I said again. "What's with the fucking twenty questions? It was some random chick who is obviously so fucking stupid she would walk through this neighborhood at night by herself. I beat the shit out of a couple drunks and then walked her home. I don't know her. She lives in my building and works at that greasy spoon grill place with the big screen TV up the street. That's all I know, bitches."

"Newton's?" Sam asked.

"Whatever it is," I said, knowing full well that was the name of the place.

"They got a new brunette waiting tables there," he said.

"That might be her," I said. "She said she moved into town a couple weeks ago."

"Pretty little thing, hair in a pony tail?"

"Could be," I shrugged. "Sounds like her."

"I know who you mean," Paul said. "Nice pretty mouth, too. And with that pony tail? Mmmmm…"

I rolled my eyes.

"Just makes you want to wrap your wrist around it and go to town!" Paul put his hands in front of his crotch and moved them back and forth in front of him, like he was bouncing a basketball on his dick. His hips moved suggestively.

Sam just shook his head.

"Don't make me fuck you up," I threatened. I tossed the butt of the cigarette beyond the ashtray on the sidewalk and into the gutter before turning around and walking back inside.

There wasn't a scheduled opponent for me tonight, which meant it was a challenge night. Anyone in the bar was free to challenge me in the cage, and anyone who made it past five minutes without tapping out won a hundred bucks. On top of my normal hundred a fight, I received an extra ten bucks for each guy who didn't last.

I was on number six, and he was the first of the night to make it past three minutes.

He swung and hit me in the gut as I danced away. I had landed several good blows on him, but the dude was fast and wiry. He landed one good one that knocked me down and slammed my head on the ground, and the fight hadn't been completely in my favor since. I couldn't seem to get a grip on him long enough to get him in a hold and choke him to unconsciousness. I was getting a little frustrated. It wasn't often an amateur managed to last this long with me, and it pissed me off.

I decided to stop fucking around and just beat the guy.

We had spent the past two minutes smacking and just trying to get a hold of each other, and he seemed surprised when my tactics suddenly changed. I just dove at him, ignoring tactics and his fists as they came at my face. He tried to move back and away, but I shoved with my shoulder and pushed him up against the corner of the cage. I could still feel his hands punching at my shoulders, but it didn't matter anymore – I had him where I wanted him.

Using my head, I slammed against his sternum. He cried out, stunned for a moment, and then gasped as my knee connected with his gut. I hit him with my forehead again – this time in the shoulder. It hurt like a bitch, and I would pay for it later, but it worked. Then I stomped on the top of his foot. His grip on me faltered, and I turned him around and slammed him against the cage.

Now that I had my arms around him, I wasn't about to let go, even as he pounded on my shoulders and back trying to get away. I wrestled him to the floor of the cage and knocked his head against the ground a few times, then started throwing actual punches.

He tapped out a few seconds later, but it was enough to break five minutes.

I was annoyed to realize he had lasted so long, but he deserved it. Jasper was going to be pissed off, though. I hoped I would still get the fifty I earned from the last few fights. When he and I first worked out our business arrangement, he would take it out of my pay when one of the guys from the bar won.

Helping the guy back on his feet, I shook his hand and dusted him off a bit. Tanya led him out of the cage door and announced I would be back on Tuesday to fight some guy from across town. My ears were ringing, and I barely focused on the crowd as I headed to the locker room.

I rubbed at my head a bit. The last guy had gotten me pretty good a couple of times, and the face in the mirror was kind of a mess. I was cut above both of my eyes, one cheek, and my lip was busted open. There was blood smeared on my chest and my forearms.

"You okay?" Tanya's voice came from behind me. "You took a couple good smacks."

"Ears ringing," I mumbled. "Need some air."

"Let me check you out first," Tanya insisted.

"Fuck you," I growled as I headed for the back door. I felt her slip around me just before she popped up in front of me and shoved me backwards with both hands on my chest.

"I'm going to check you out," she said through clenched teeth. "If and only if I decide you are okay will you go out for a smoke. Got it?"

Closing my eyes and huffing breath out my nose, I turned around and dropped down to the bench next to the lockers. If I was going to admit it to myself, I was a bit dizzy. Besides, I had a sneaking suspicion Tanya could kick my ass if she wanted to.

"Fuck you!" I cringed and yelled out as she shined a little pen light in my eyes.

"Stop being such a baby," she said. She had gone back to all soft and mothering again, which was kind of funny for a chick who was always watching me move around naked. What was the opposite of an Oedipal complex? Electra? Nah, I had something backwards. Tanya was more of a lioness. Or was it a cougar?

Maybe I did have a concussion.

I let her poke around at the back of my head, which was pretty tender, but didn't make me see spots or anything. Then she asked me a bunch of bullshit questions until I got pissy.

"Come on, Tanya," I whined. "I wanna smoke. I'm fine."

The dizziness and ear ringing were gone, and I did think I was okay. Tanya either agreed or was tired of arguing with me, because she let me up and watched me head out the door. I stomped up the stairs with my head throbbing in my temples, still ticked off at the guy lasting as long as he did. Overall, I was not in a good mood.

When I got to the top of the stairs, I immediately saw a figure leaning against the outside of the fence and looking back and forth down the street quickly. Each time the head turned, a long brown pony tail bobbed around and strands of hair got caught in the chain links. If the short-shorts and Newton's labeled shirt weren't enough to go on, the gigantic, evil handbag gave her away.

"What the fuck?" I snarled through the fence.

Bella startled and looked at me, turning quickly on her heel and holding up her keys clenched in her fist. I tilted my head to one side and raised an eyebrow at her. What was she going to do, wave them around on the other side of the fence at me?

"I'm pretty sure that was not meant to take the place of a ride," I said, nodding towards the keys in her hand.

"You scared the shit out of me!" Bella yelled. She adjusted the mega-monster purse on her shoulder and ran her hand through her hair. "The girl who was driving me got another job. She just walked out today, and there wasn't anyone else there with a car on my shift."

"So you're walking down this street again?" I yelled. I slammed my palms into the chain links, making the whole side of metal rattle. She jumped away, stammering.

"I…I…"

I didn't give her much chance to finish. I was livid.

"After what happened the last time? Seriously, Bella?" I paced over to the edge of the building and back to the fence again. My fingers wrapped around the links and yanked. "You do have a fucking death wish, don't you?"

"I do not!"

"Then why the fuck are you being so stupid?" I screamed. My feet planted right where they were, and my heart thumped audibly in my chest.

"I was trying to find you!" she yelled back.

"Well why didn't you come in the fucking bar?" I tossed my hands up into the air. "Is there not a big ass poster right there in your face saying exactly where I am on Friday nights?"

"I tried," Bella said with a glare. "The bouncer wouldn't let me in."

"Why not?"

"I'm only twenty," she said with a shrug.

There was something about that news that flipped a switch in my head. I knew she looked young, but I didn't realize _how_ young. The idea that she was out here on her own, trying to make a go in this place and not even old enough to get into a bar killed my anger and made me feel something a little odd as well. Respect? Maybe even pride?

Whatever it was, it also hardened my dick.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered. I turned away from her and ran my hand through my hair, trying to get my dick under control before it made itself known through my shorts. I cringed a little as I came across the tender spot on the back of my skull with my fingers. The sharp pain killed my erection, at least.

"You're hurt," Bella stated. I didn't look up, but I could hear her hands grasping the links of the fence.

"All part of the job," I responded. Turning around to look at her again, I could see concern in her eyes. I remembered what my face had looked like in the mirror, and I knew what she was seeing was a little crazy. I looked worse than I really was.

"Why?" I heard myself ask as I moved back to the fence that separated us. "Why did you come looking for me?"

She looked away, her neck craning to the side a little as she looked down the street.

"I was hoping…maybe…maybe you could walk me home?" Her voice quivered as she looked back at me. Our eyes met through the links, and my knuckles tightened around the little metal bits between my fingers.

I swallowed once, trying to understand why my heart was still pounding in my chest. My appearance right now was probably as frightening as anyone on the street, but she was still asking me for help, just like I had told her to do the week before.

My eyes moved somewhat involuntarily over her form. Slender, young, beautiful, and in need. My tongue darted out over my lips, tasting blood, as these thoughts echoed through my head. My chest rose as I inhaled slowly.

She just looked far too tempting.

Another set of words that described her ran through my head. _Easy target._

I didn't like those words so much.

Not just for me, but for anyone around here. She had no fucking idea what she was doing or how to live in the city – that much was obvious. If she did, she would have told Sam or Paul at the door that she was twenty-one, and just forgot her ID. They would have let her in. She also could have pushed her boobs up a bit, and they would have forgotten to ask all together. Worst case, she could have said she knew me and they would have brought her in, too.

And here she was again, hanging out in the back street behind the bar not fifty feet from where a group of guys had been waiting to ambush her a week ago. Granted, she had learned – she was on alert and holding her keys right. Still, it wouldn't have done much if someone decided they really wanted a piece of her.

And yeah – guys definitely wanted a piece of that.

"Edward?" she said quietly. I focused on the movement of her lips, and images similar to the one Paul had conjured up with his bobbing hands and thrusting hips came to mind. "Would you?"

"Would I what?" I responded.

"Walk me home?" Her voice was small and scared, and it brought out something primal from inside my guts.

"Yeah," I said with a quick nod. "I can do that."

I was never the outdoorsy type, but I started walking her home every night after that.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Gotta love the protective ones...especially half naked, sweaty and covered in tattoos...

Freecycle is awesome. Check it out if you have never heard of it or used it.

See you next week!

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged (link on my profile page). Check it out and go chat with others who are reading!  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	4. Find the Step

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Welcome back, and happy Friday to everyone!

Glad everyone enjoyed "Crazy Alice" - there will definitely be more of her!

Thanks to DK for the beta job, and Deeperwater, too, who accidentally pre-read the unbetaed chapter for the reading group (link on my profile) and fixed some of my mistakes, too. ;)

**"All men are idiots."  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Find the Step**

I walked slowly back and forth in front of Newton's Bar and Grill and watched people walk out of the place smelling like grease. Just the smell of greasy food made me feel a little sick – there was no way I'd ever actually eat in such a place. I couldn't even bring myself to walk through the front door.

Bella bustled out just as I finished my cigarette. She was trying to walk and find something in Godzilla's Clutch Purse at the same time, which made her trip on the step as she was coming out the door. I tried to keep from laughing out loud.

"One of these days," I told her, "you are going to stick your hand in there and it will get lost in all that shit. You'll never find it again."

Bella sighed and tilted her head at me. She pulled her hand out and held up a little tube of lip stick or Chap Stick or gloss or something – maybe all three – like it was some kind of trophy. She put it on with exaggerated flair before dropping it back into the bag.

"You just don't understand," she said.

"I hope I never do," I admitted.

"Wow...who would have thought," she said under her breath. Her eyes darted over me.

"Thought what?" I pressed, looking down to see if I had pizza sauce or something on me.

Bella's cheeks tinged with red.

"That you owned a shirt," she said with a small smile as she looked me over again. "Well, most of one, anyway. I've never seen you in one before."

"Heh...I guess not." I reached up and fiddled with the collar of my plain, black T-shirt with the sleeves sliced out of it, leaving it mostly open down the sides.

We fell in step together, moving without a lot of rush down the sidewalk and across the street. It was Wednesday, and I wasn't working, but Bella had gotten off late _again_. She was supposed to get off before the place closed, which was one in the morning, but she always seemed to get stuck doing something else until closing time. It was only a twenty minute walk, but she'd be so late we usually wouldn't get back to the apartments until two-thirty in the morning. This night wouldn't be any earlier. The day before, I told Jasper I had to leave early so Bella wouldn't have to wait around for me, and we were home a little earlier.

I had given her a bunch shit about hanging out for so long behind _Feet First_ the week before. It wasn't much safer than the street. Apparently she thought she would be "close enough" to me that it would be okay, which set me off pretty bad. I took her around front and introduced her to Sam and made her promise to come inside when I was working on Friday.

"So who made _patron of the evening_ tonight?" I asked.

"This guy with a big green Mohawk," she said immediately. "He's a vegetarian and wanted me to get the chef to make something special for him since there wasn't anything on the menu outside of fries and onion rings. It's a _bar_, damnit – not a four star restaurant! We don't serve pasta primavera! We don't even have spaghetti!"

"_I'm_ a vegetarian," I said with a sideways glance at her.

"You are not," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"I most certainly am."

Bella looked over to me, trying to determine if I was making all this up or not.

"Really?"

"Really," I replied. "Since I was about seventeen."

"How old are you now?"

"Twenty-six."

Her lip disappeared behind her teeth for a minute.

"So why did you become a vegetarian?" she asked.

"Nope," I said. "It's my turn to ask questions tonight."

"Ugh!" Bella groaned, and I laughed.

After Friday night when I walked her home, she had agreed to meet me when she got off work so she could get home safely, though she seemed embarrassed or some such shit about asking. She then spent the entire walk home Saturday and Tuesday peppering me with questions about cage fighting. Last night I told her it was my turn next.

"Why did you decide to move here?" I asked. I shoved the tips of my fingers into the front pockets of my jeans and kicked a chunk of cement into the center of the road with the toe of my boot.

"I told you – I'm going to school."

"Yeah, but why _here_?" I emphasized.

"Masen College gave me the best deal," she said with a shrug. "Aside from the financial aid and scholarship, they have a service that will come and pick me up to get to classes."

"You're going to Masen?" I tried not to sound too shocked.

"Yes," she affirmed. "Why?"

"You just hadn't mentioned it before," I replied nonchalantly. "It's a pretty small school."

"That's one of the things I liked about it," Bella said. "It's actually family owned and gives more money in scholarships than other programs. The econ department is really well known as well."

There would be no argument there – Masen College was quite well known for a few of their programs. I hadn't really heard about the economics department before, but I also didn't pay much attention to that shit when I was a kid.

We continued along the sidewalk past the backside of _Feet First_ and around the corner towards our street. When I looked up there were two guys heading towards us, and I heard Bella let out a long breath. Glancing over at her, I could see the muscles in her arm tense as her fingers gripped the strap of her bag, and she moved a half step closer to me.

I was pissed that they had scared her, even though I knew they were only walking at this point. I looked ahead and tried to determine if I had ever seen them before, but they didn't look familiar. They certainly weren't part of the group that went after her a couple of weeks ago – I was sure of that.

With a quick side step, I moved behind Bella to stand on the other side of her so the two guys would pass us beside me, not her. They didn't even stop their conversation as they walked by, but Bella relaxed immediately after they passed.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"No worries," I replied. She was still gripping her purse tightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Just…remembering."

"Well, don't," I suggested. Tilting my head to look over at her, I offered her a goofy half smile. She returned one of her own, so the desired effect was attained.

"Thank you," she said again. "I mean – for the other night. I don't think I ever really properly thanked you."

"You were kinda in shock," I reminded her. "Don't worry about it."

"You didn't have to do that," she told me. "You didn't have to go after those guys and risk yourself for-"

I interrupted her with a sharp laugh.

"Risk myself? With those douche bags? Hardly."

"Still," she continued, "you got into a fight for someone you didn't even know."

"I like fighting," I told her. "I like to beat people up. It's what I do for a living, you might recall."

"I remember," she sighed, and her nose wrinkled up a bit. "The point is still the same – thank you for rescuing me."

"I was in the neighborhood," I shrugged and offered her another half smile. She looked back down at her feet and shook her head a little before looking back to me. Her large, brown eyes darted back and forth between mine.

"And for doing all of this," she said with a wave of her arm. "You don't have to do this – walk me home every night, especially when I get off so late. I wasn't expecting you to do that, but I'm not even sure if Mike is going to hire another server at this point, and-"

"Bella, don't worry about it," I told her. "I only work two nights a week and I stay up late every night. If I wasn't doing this, I'd be sitting in front of the TV trying to figure out why people watch the shit that is on there."

Bella snickered.

"You're still going out of your way," she continued, looking up at me again. "And in the middle of the night, no less. I appreciate it."

I just shrugged again, not really willing to admit to myself, let alone her, that this little walk of ours was quickly becoming the highlight of my nights. I was kind of disappointed she didn't have to work the next day.

"Why did you pick this area to live in?" I asked.

"Newton's offered me the job," she said. "School isn't too far away to use their transportation service, and I needed the work. I didn't have much experience when I applied, and no one else even called me back for an interview. Everyone seems to be looking for a job, and there don't seem to be enough to go around."

"Can't argue with that," I mused. "I keep hearing that the economy sucks, and whatever politician you are talking to, it's the other one's fault. I assume you are going to fix that after you graduate, right?"

"I'll be happy if it at least makes some sense to me," she responded.

We made it to the apartment entrance, and I glanced up to see Crazy Alice lying on her back on the fire escape. She had her legs straight up in the air and was doing some sort of bicycle peddling exercise or something.

At least she had her clothes on.

"You'll never get anywhere on that bike!" I called up to her but didn't get a response. I laughed quietly as I jerked the door open and let Bella go in first.

"Who is that?" she asked.

"Crazy Alice," I replied. "She's the resident psycho. Every apartment building needs one."

"What is she doing?"

"Who knows?" I laughed. "She's a nut. Harmless enough, but still a nut."

Bella slid her key into the lock and opened her apartment door. She turned back to me then, and I became increasingly aware of how close we were, even though we weren't actually touching. That made me realize I had only actually touched her twice – once when I yanked her back against me and away from a thug, and then later that night when I showed her how to hold her keys.

Her eyes were on mine, but I couldn't understand her expression. It seemed to be a combination of apprehension and wonder, but that didn't make any sense. Mostly I noticed the shimmer of the lip stuff she had put on earlier, which was emphasized as her tongue darted out over her lips.

The palms of my hands began to feel a little clammy, and I didn't really seem to know where t o put them. I considered leaning against the frame of the door, but it didn't feel right, so I ended up shoving the tips of my fingers back into my pockets again.

I swallowed, trying not to focus on either her mouth or the area where the pale skin above her breasts was exposed. My lungs reached out for more oxygen, and I realized I had a similar feeling right before a fight started. Anticipation, excitement, and something else deeper and unnamable.

"Thanks for walking me home," Bella said softly. Her eyes didn't leave mine, and I wondered if her cheek felt as soft as it looked.

"You're welcome," I replied simply.

"Good night," she said. Her face flushed, and she reached out to stroke her lips with her tongue once more.

"Night."

She turned slowly and moved across the line of the apartment door, and whatever had been going on in my head abruptly stopped when her eyes moved from mine.

I didn't sleep well that night and figured I would have to turn the heat on by the end of the week.

…

"Just let her in and don't fuck around."

"Hey – it's not my fault!" Paul tossed his hands in the air. "I didn't know who she was, and she pulled out an ID that said she was underage! Shit, dude…"

"You'd seen her before, asshole," I growled. "You knew who she was."

"What, 'cause she brought him a basket of onion rings once?" Sam grinned. "Dude, I never saw any higher than her tits when you brought her over here."

I took a step forward, about ready to beat the shit out of him. I'd already pounded the fucker who came all the way across town to challenge me two minutes after he walked in the cage. I had plenty of energy left and balled my hands into fists as I moved towards the bouncer.

"Easy, Cullen," Sam said. He held his hands out in front of him, surrendering. "I'm just messing with ya. I'll point you out to her as soon as she shows up."

"You do that." I snarled.

I was in a shitty mood, there was no doubt about that, but I couldn't point to an exact cause. I won the fight without a lot of trouble and barely a bruise, so that wasn't it. Tanya was getting on my nerves, but I also knew she wasn't doing anything she didn't normally do; just her usual banter was pissing me off.

If I was going to admit it, I would have had to say I had been feeling tense since I dropped Bella off two nights ago. It started the very next day after a shitty night of sleep. I went for my usual morning run and found myself walking a little slower past her apartment both before and after my run, kind of hoping she would suddenly walk out, but she didn't. I also started taking smoke breaks just outside the building instead of on the fire escape with Crazy Alice, just in case Bella came out the door or maybe back home from a class or something.

That didn't happen, either.

I had no fucking idea why I was even doing these things. Normally, if I wanted a girl's attention I just did a little flexing, let her feel my abs, and then ask her to come back to my place to fuck, but that just didn't work in this situation. For one, my place was just too damn close to hers, and asking her to just come upstairs with me seemed weird. Besides, Bella was a small town girl, and she didn't seem like the _just fucking_ type. I didn't do relationships – never, ever again – so there was only the one thing I was interested in, and I was always honest about that.

I definitely needed to get laid.

This brought me to the next conundrum – if I did do the casual sex thing with Bella and it didn't work out, she'd still be right there in the building and she would still need someone to walk her home. The idea of her walking herself brought out a seriously pissy side of me that just wouldn't have anything to do with the very thought of it. If I did something to piss her off, who was going to get her home safe? Not that fucker who employed her, that was for sure. He hadn't even managed to post the position for a new server during her shift yet.

I dropped my ass onto a bar stool and accepted a beer from some random fighting fan. He was going on about the details of the fight while the chick he was with eye fucked me under the pretense of checking out my tats. I alternated between watching the door and watching the clock, knowing Bella was due soon. When she finally appeared at the door, which had to have been hours later if you asked my internal clock, but only ten minutes according to the one on the wall, I jumped up without excusing myself and moved through the crowd to meet her.

"It's about time!" I growled.

"I just got off work," she explained. She shoved her hand back into the Titan's Knapsack and pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer, which she rubbed around on her palms.

"I'm going to have to just come and meet you there," I grumbled. "You probably shouldn't be walking to this place on your own, either."

"It's a block away, and there are people all over the street out front," Bella pointed out. "The streetlights all work out there, too. I was fine."

"This time."

"You said you were obligated to hang out here until two," she reminded me.

"I am," I agreed. "I could still sneak out for a few minutes – take a smoke break and a walk. No big deal."

"No," Bella said. She shook her head as she crammed the bottle back into her bag. "I never seem to get out of there on time, and you already do enough. I don't want you getting in trouble for me."

"Whatever," I grumbled. "There's a half hour left before I get paid and can get out of here. You want a drink?"

"I'm not twenty-one," she pointed out.

"You must be," I said with a smile. "Otherwise you couldn't get in here."

Bella rolled her eyes and followed me as I moved back through the crowd, which was starting to thin out a bit. We made our way over to the edge of the bar where I liked to hang out after fights. It was a good combination of a place where people could see me and come up to talk, but also a little bit sheltered so people didn't get too crazy on me. It didn't happen often, but every once in a while I'd get a nutty fan or a fighter who wasn't happy about losing and they'd make a scene.

I stopped and turned back around to face her and saw her eyes on the cage. I stood up a little straighter as she looked it over, and an odd sense of pride came over me, but also a touch of apprehension. I didn't really have a clear sense of what she thought about cage fighting, and she wouldn't be the first chick I had known who hated the whole idea of it.

"Pretty cool, huh?" I gave her a half smile and raised my eyebrows at her. My heart was pounding, and I felt a slight chill against the naked skin of my chest.

"That's where you fight?" Bella asked. Her eyes were opened wide as she stared into the enclosed space.

"Yeah, it is," I replied. Something about her tone seemed off, and I took a slight step back away from her. I leaned on a nearby barstool and watched her, feeling a little wary all of the sudden. "What do you think?"

"I thought it would be…bigger," she said. "There isn't even any room for you to move in there."

"There's plenty of room," I told her. "I can move around pretty easily in tight places."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Nice," Tanya piped up before I could try to take back the words. She walked out from around the edge of the cage and came over to us. "Edward's finally admitting size matters, huh?"

I glared at her.

"Not something I've ever worried about too much," I replied coldly. My earlier annoyance with her returned, and I cocked my head to one side as I looked up at her with a _what the fuck do you want_ expression.

Tanya wasn't fazed. She looked from me to Bella and back again.

"Is this her?" she asked. "The girl whose virtue you saved?"

Bella looked away for a minute, and I couldn't see her face. I found myself taking a step forward – angling myself between Bella and Tanya. My eyes swept across the whole room briefly, and I took my first really good look at the place since the first day I walked into it. The lights were dim, which only barely masked how shabby everything was inside. The barstools were frayed, and the felt on the single pool table was almost completely worn out. The people who frequented _Feet First_ looked like people who came to drown their sorrows, because that's who they were. They were as shabby as the interior of the bar, and most of them were way beyond casually drunk.

"This is Bella," I said. My voice was monotone, and I narrowed my eyes at Tanya as I spoke. I didn't like the way she was sizing Bella up – like she was a target.

Bella was a small town girl trying to get herself an education and somehow make the world better. I didn't think she had much more of a chance of achieving that shit than a lightweight did against me, but I couldn't help but admire her spirit for trying. Tanya was a whole other story.

"Hi Bella," Tanya said. She didn't take her eyes off me, though. Her expression matched mine, and she even went as far as to raise an eyebrow at me.

I mouthed _fuck you_ at her, but she ignored me and turned to Bella.

"I'm Tanya. Welcome to _Feet First_, but you are a little late to see my man in action here."

"I was…um…working earlier," Bella said, stumbling over her words a bit. "I just got off."

Tanya snickered and reached out to run her hand over my chest.

"Wouldn't be the first time that happened to a woman around Evil Eye," Tanya smirked. She looked back to me and put a hand on her hip. "I put your winnings in your bag and locked it in your locker. I'm outta here. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I said with a short and curt nod.

Tanya sauntered through the crowd and out of the front door, and I looked back to Bella, wondering what she was thinking. The look on her face told me nothing, but her words made it clear.

"So that's your girlfriend," Bella said matter-of-factly. "She's really pretty."

"She's not," I said.

"Are you kidding? She's beautiful."

"She's not my girlfriend," I clarified. "Tanya's a fighter, like me. Well, she was before she fucked up her knee. We still work out together on the weekends."

"I see."

"She's been in the cage a lot longer than me," I said. I didn't know why it was important to me that she understand there wasn't anything between Tanya and me. "She helps me train. That's it."

Bella just nodded and glanced around the bar again. She hadn't touched the bottle of beer sitting next to her.

"So, why _Evil Eye_?" she asked as she looked back in my direction.

I laughed.

"Um, well," I started, "it's not much of a story, really."

Bella looked at me expectantly.

"Well, when you fight…or rather, before a fight…" I stopped and looked around, wondering if this was something I really ought to be advertizing to the world, but most of the world had already departed – either in mind or body. "There's a lot of theatrics about it, ya know? I growl and yell when I come out…"

It all sounded kind of dumb when I explained it.

"I'll grab the fence between me and the audience, jump around the cage, glare and yell at people and shit. It's all part of the show, right? Well…some guy yelled at me once to stop giving him the _evil eye_. Tanya heard him say it and thought it went well with my name."

Bella blinked a couple of times.

"So, that's when I started going by Edward 'Evil Eye' Cullen."

"You were right," Bella said.

"About what?" I asked, confused.

"That isn't much of a story."

We both laughed.

Most of the crowd was pretty much gone, so I said goodbye to Jasper, grabbed my gym bag, verified the cash inside was right, and then we headed off down the back streets and towards home. Bella seemed quiet and thoughtful, which kind of drove me crazy because I had no idea what she was thinking.

"So, what's your impression of _Feet First_?" I asked.

"It's…interesting," she said noncommittally.

"That's it? Just interesting?" I pressed for a better answer. "What kinds of places do you usually hang out at?"

"I haven't spent a lot of time in bars, really," Bella admitted. "I don't really have much to compare it to."

"I thought every small town had at least one bar," I said. "Did yours skip that little facet of entertainment? Had to be a really small town."

Bella laughed quietly.

"I grew up on an Indian reservation," she told me.

"You were the token pale face?" I grinned when she scowled at me. When she didn't answer, I tried another tactic. "What did your parents think of you moving all the way from Washington to here?"

"Well…um…my parents split up when I was a baby," she said. "I've only seen my mom a couple of times since then. Dad died when I was six."

"Oh, shit…sorry." I suddenly felt like an absolute ass.

"It's okay," she replied quietly. "It was a long time ago. Mom's kind of a basket case, so I was raised by my dad's friends, who live on the res."

It seemed like she was going to say something else, but she didn't. I considered pressing, but her mood had darkened a little. I decided to lighten it up.

"What's you favorite color?"

"My favorite color?" she repeated. "What kind of question is that?"

"A normal one," I said. "Well?"

"Green, I suppose," she said. Her cheeks tinged with pink, and I wondered what about the color green would make her blush.

"Why green?" I pressed.

"Everything at home is green," she said quickly. "The grass, the trees – even the trunks of the trees – are all covered in green moss. I haven't seen a single tree in this neighborhood, though there are a few planted on campus."

"There's one," I said. "It's a few blocks away."

"A tree?"

"Yep."

"Where?"

"It's about a mile and a half down, actually," I told her. "It's in an area that used to have a park in it when the factories were all open. I think it was set up for people to go eat their lunch or something. I go past it every day."

"Every day?" she repeated again.

"Yes, _every day_," I mocked. She glared at me. Her expression made me grin – she was such a tiny thing, but definitely had a temper to her as well. Even though I was still aware of the shitty closed-up store fronts, broken glass, and vulgar smells around us, everything else seemed to fade into the background as I talked with her. "I run in the mornings."

"Do you work out every day, too?"

"Uh-uh," I said. I shook my head from side to side and tapped my chest with my thumb. "I'm performing the interrogation here."

I eyed her as I pulled a cigarette out of the pack in my pocket and lit it.

"You got a boyfriend back home?"

"No," she said bluntly.

"Oh." I didn't really know what to say about that. She didn't offer anything else, and again I got the idea I should find another subject. "Favorite flower?"

"Seriously?"

"Just tell me!" I snapped.

"I don't know…um…orchids, I guess?" She reached up and pulled the band out of her hair, which then fell around her shoulders. "They're so complicated. You can look at them for an hour and keep seeing new parts of them."

"You could look at a flower for an hour?" I snickered. "You need cable TV."

"I can barely make the bills as it is," Bella replied. "No way could I add another forty bucks a month on top of it."

"I've got cable," I told her. "You could come watch a movie with me or something."

She glanced away, and I knew I had said something wrong. Shit, it had probably sounded like I was coming on to her. I hadn't meant it that way – not really.

Had I?

"My Mom always taught me to share." I started babbling to make up for what I was sure was a faux pas. "Since I share it with the neighbor, I could also share it with you, ya know? I mean, what else are big brothers for, right?"

I had no idea where that shit came from.

"Big brother?" Bella repeated. Her brow furrowed, and she brought her hand up to chew at the edge of her thumbnail.

"Yeah," I said with a nod. I smiled, hoping it looked friendly and not some kind of incestuous creepy. "That's kind of what I'm doing here, right? Helping you out and shit, like a brother would?"

"Yeah," she said. "I guess that makes sense."

She smiled then, and my heart sped up a bit when she turned it on me. I smiled back but was pretty sure my smile didn't light up my face the way hers did. I was already regretting what I said, especially given her reaction to it. I looked away and down the street, somewhat surprised and not entirely happy to see our building looming closer and closer with each step. We were at the door less than a minute later, and right after that we were standing at the door to her apartment.

Again.

"So what time do you work tomorrow?" I asked.

"Six to closing," Bella said. "I should be done by one-thirty, but that doesn't seem to be happening lately."

"I should be done with my workout in the afternoon," I said. "I could walk you to work."

"It's still light out then, Edward," Bella said with a shake of her head. "I can't take up all your free time."

"I told you, it's this or cable," I reminded her. "Besides, walking is a decent cool-down after a long workout. I could use it."

"Are you just saying that?" she asked. She stared at me through narrowed eyes.

"Mebbe," I responded. I grinned and glanced away. "Really, I have nothing to do tomorrow evening."

"No hot dates?"

When I glanced to her face, she was already looking away, her cheeks red. She took a slow breath and blew it out through her nose.

"Sorry, I'm being nosy." Her hands reached up and gathered her hair together in the back, like she was going to put it back into a ponytail again. Then her fingers let go, and her hair collapsed in waves around her shoulders as she shook it out vigorously.

"No worries," I said, swallowing. "No, no hot dates."

"Well, all right then," she said quietly. "If you don't come up with anything better to do, I'll probably leave around five-thirty or so."

"I'll see you then."

"Okay." She turned and went through the doorway, her hands gripping the frame a little too tightly. "Good night."

"Night."

With long strides, I took the stairs two at a time until I hit the landing for my floor. I knew I wasn't about to go to sleep, so I didn't even bother changing – just hauled my ass out onto the fire escape and tossed my legs over the side. I set a half-full pack down beside me and lit the first one.

"What's up, Crazy bitch?" I asked.

Crazy Alice didn't respond. She didn't even acknowledge me at all. She was leaning forward with her head against the grate, making little waffle marks all over her forehead. Her stare was intense, but I had no idea what she was looking at. I leaned back on one hand and smoked with the other one, enjoying the slightly warmer air and wondering how much longer I was going to be able to get away with no heat in the apartment.

"Things are warming up," I heard myself say.

"Needs more," Crazy Alice said.

"I'd be happy to turn the clock forward to spring again," I told her.

Crazy Alice's head snapped in my direction, and she glared at me for a second. Her eyes were dark, wild, and totally unnerving, even to a guy who had about a hundred pounds on her.

"What?" I asked, my voice a little quieter. "You want me to turn time backwards instead?"

"All men are idiots," Crazy Alice proclaimed. "She's gotta find the one with the level of idiocy she can put up with."

"Who?"

Crazy Alice shoved her hand inside the front of her shirt and began to rummage around inside her bra. She pulled out her lighter and quickly lit another cigarette, but didn't answer me.

"Who?" I said again, but I got nothing. I shook my head and decided maybe I was a bit tired after all. I tossed the butt over the edge and crawled back in my window, nearly killing myself on the overgrown pile of laundry just inside.

Maybe I needed to clean up the apartment a bit.

I didn't do it, though.

Instead, I opened a beer, talked at the television for a few minutes, and then headed for the shower. Once I started lathering up, my cock decided he needed some attention. Since I wasn't actively seeking any of the female kind, he had to settle for my hand. He complained a bit – I have a stubborn, moody cock – but once he figured that was all he was going to get, he sprang to life.

I sighed heavily as I leaned against the cold, broken tiles and slowly stroked myself into full erection. My palm skimmed the darkened head, and I closed my eyes. For a while, I didn't have anything in particular in my mind – just the basic, general, physical feeling of skin-on-skin. After a minute or so, dark brown eyes kept entering my head and trying to get my attention. As soon as I allowed myself to focus on them, I knew exactly whose they were.

Bella's face flowed easily through my mind as my hand gripped my cock and pumped faster. I could see the glisten of her lips after her tongue ran over them, and the pale and enticing skin just below her neck. I imagined what she would taste like – her lips, her tits, her cunt…all of her.

I nearly drew blood out of my own lip as I bit down to keep from screaming her name loud enough for her to hear me through the thin floor. A long stream of semen coated the tiles in front of me, was captured by the flow of water from the shower head, and disappeared down the drain.

"Damn," I muttered.

After I gave myself another quick rinse, I turned off the water and wrapped up in a towel. The TV had been left on, so I grabbed the remote and powered it down. Inside my bedroom, I yanked at the bottom dresser drawer until it opened, only to be met with a totally empty space.

With a huge sigh, I grabbed the sweats I had worn the night before off the floor and pulled them on over my still slightly damp skin. I dropped heavily into bed and pretended I wasn't still thinking about her.

I was never one to harp on anything, but I had the feeling getting her out of my system wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

I've been making that comment about men to my lady friends for years - especially those looking for "Mr.. Perfect." Glad I finally got to use it in a story. LOL

More action next week... :) See you then!

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	5. Meet the Ex

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Special thanks to DK, who did the beta reading while on vacation, and Deeper Water, who pointed out some typos and does a generally awesome job with questions for the Caged reading group. What? You haven't checked it out? Link is on my profile. :)

**Did I turn gay when I wasn't looking?**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Meet the Ex**

"Fuck!"

Falling to the ground, I growled through my teeth and slammed my fist against the floor.

"God damnit!"

My feet became entangled, and I was unable to get up. I swung one leg out, trying to unravel myself from my opponent, but I was too deeply entwined. I fell back to the floor.

"Shit!"

I punched again.

"Ow!"

And hit my own leg.

There was just no other choice – I was going to have to do the laundry before it killed me.

…

_Thump thump thump._

I had no idea what was flopping around in the dryer, and I didn't care. The sound was driving me over the edge, and I was considering just going over there and hauling whatever it was out, even though it wasn't my load. I looked around at the seven other people at the laundry mat, but no one else seemed to notice or care.

I had two trash bags full of clean clothes at my feet and was waiting for the last one to be dry so I could get the fuck out of this place. I wasn't sure if it was the act of washing and drying clothes, the atmosphere of the laundry mat, or the sheer boredom of waiting for your damn clothes to dry, but there was nothing I hated more than laundry.

If my uncle Aro had walked in right then and offered me a job, I just might have taken it.

"Nice ink." A leggy blonde eased herself down in the molded plastic seat next to mine.

"Thanks," I replied. I could see a wavy vine motif in green and black ink winding its way up her calf.

"Where did you get it done?"

"Renata's, across town," I told her. "She does the best tribal art, and I wanted something custom."

"It's beautiful," she said. Her hand grazed up my bicep to my shoulder, where the rest of the tat was covered by my shirt. "Can I see the rest?"

"Sure." I leaned forward and pulled my only clean – well, somewhat clean – ripped up T-shirt over my head. Turning a little to the right, I gave her a good view of my back.

"Wow," she breathed. Her fingers slipped over the design, and her light touch was both sensual and a little ticklish. I kept myself still as she touched my decorated skin. "Truly incredible. Bet that one cost you."

"Heh," I snickered. "More than I could really afford, but it was worth it. Renata's also has a payment plan, and I did it in ten shorter sessions to spread it out a bit."

Her hand reached my lower back, and then started up the other side. It felt good, and I was again reminded about my pathetic excuse for a sex life, which had pretty much turned into twice daily self-love sessions while thinking about my neighbor.

Fucking pathetic.

"Very nice," she said as her fingers reached my shoulder, trailed over my neck and back down to the arm where she started. As she ran her hand over my bicep, I wasn't sure if she was talking about the tats anymore or not.

I turned back to her with a crooked smile, and she tossed her shimmery, straight hair over one shoulder and tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck to me.

"I'm Irina," she said as she held out her hand.

"Edward." I shook it briefly, noticing how soft her fingers were.

She was a looker – no doubt about that. She looked about my age, give or take a year or two. Her clothes said she was desperately trying to look like a Macy's girl but had a Target budget. She was decently built, though a little skinny for my personal tastes. I would have no trouble holding her against a wall and pounding into her for twenty minutes. Nice long legs with defined calf and thigh muscles that would feel nice wrapped around my waist. I could definitely hit that, but I had no interest what-so-ever.

None.

Did I turn gay when I wasn't looking?

Mostly I was wondering how it would feel if Bella ran her hands over my skin the same way. That thought was enticing, and I blinked a couple of times to try to drive it from my mind. That's when the buzzer from the dryer in front of me went off, startling me slightly.

"That would be me," I said quietly. I stood and grabbed the last of my trash bags, tossed all the dry clothes into it, and gave the chick one last grin before heading out of the laundry mat and back to my apartment. It took freaking forever to fold it all up and put it away, and I was in a foul mood before I was even done.

"Fuck it," I growled as I dumped the last half bag of clean laundry into a dresser drawer and just shoved it all inside. I needed to get out and do something physical before I burst.

Wearing a pair of shorts which smelled a whole lot better than they did earlier in the morning, I laced up my running shoes and started my run several hours later than normal. It was after three in the afternoon and already hot enough to bring the sweat out of me before I had gotten through the first half mile. By the time I got to the tree, I was a lot more winded than usual, but I pushed on.

I still wanted to bring Bella to see the only tree in the general vicinity of our apartment building. I'd mentioned it to her a couple of times during our walks when she talked about missing the greenery – and apparently the constant rain – of her hometown. I just never saw her during the day and wasn't going to make that trek in the middle of the night. Though our nighttime routines seemed to match perfectly, we weren't at all in sync during the day. I hardly ever saw her in sunlight.

I saw her often enough in the privacy of my shower and my imagination, though.

Turning the last corner, I saw the apartments looming in the distance and increased my speed until I hit the sewer grate that marked the completion of my three miles. There was an ancient Chevy truck parked right out front, and I wondered how something so old could actually still run at all. I slowed to a stop and leaned over with my hands on my knees and breathed heavily for a few seconds, then took a fast-paced walk around the block to cool down.

Returning to the building's entrance, I yanked open the front door, started down the hall, and was immediately hit with the usual sounds of a couple fighting inside. For a moment, it didn't register with me – I was still in a post-run haze and wasn't thinking clearly. The voices belonged to a man and a woman who were obviously in a heated argument in the apartment just below mine, which wasn't an odd occurrence at all.

Except _that_ couple didn't live there anymore.

Bella did.

I stopped in front of her door and leaned in, trying to figure out if it was just TV noise or something, but I could clearly hear Bella's voice, if not her actual words, coming from the other side. Then a deeper, male voice boomed out in anger.

Already heated from my run, the rage that quickly built up inside of me made me feel like I was going to burst into flames. I took a deep breath before knocking loudly at the door.

The voices continued, ignoring my banging. If anything, they were getting louder. My chest tightened, and the possibility that someone might have gotten in there and was going to hurt her was just far too likely. She was too trusting and had no street sense what-so-ever. She'd open the door for anyone.

"Bella!" I screamed as I pounded my fist against the flimsy wood. I was going to give her about four seconds before I broke the fucking door down. "Bella! Open up now!"

The door fell away as my hand tried to come down on it again. I started backwards for a second, and if Bella had been any taller I might have hit her in the face.

"Edward, what are you-"

Without a word, I moved across the threshold, into the apartment, and towards the figure on the other side of the room. As I started to push past, my eyes focused on a big, dark-skinned guy behind her, but before I got too far, I felt her fingers against my chest – trying to push me back.

An explosion of thoughts rocketed around my head. Her soft, light touch on my sternum was the third time we had ever touched skin-to-skin. It took me off guard, and I had to stop in my tracks to refocus beyond the sensation.

The angry glare of the dude behind her reminded me why I was there.

"What the hell?" I shouted at the guy, pushing my chest firmly against Bella's hand, but not enough to move her out of the way. Bella glanced nervously from me to the figure behind her.

"It's all right," she started to say before the bastard on the other side of her interrupted her sentence.

"Who the hell is this, Bells?"

Bells? He called her fucking _Bells_?

"I'm the guy who's about to fuck your shit up, that's who!" I snarled.

"You can try!" the little shit exclaimed. I would have laughed, but I was too pissed off. He couldn't have been more than eighteen, and though he was tall and decently built, he didn't stand a chance with me. I knew another fighter when I saw one, and this guy wasn't it. He didn't look right, he didn't stand right, and he didn't move right. He was probably one of those that used his height to his advantage – intimidating others with it to the point where he never had to actually raise a fist.

"Edward!" Bella hissed through her teeth.

"What the hell is he doing here?" the guy said, taking a step forward. The fingers of Bella's right hand tensed against my chest as I pushed against them, and her left hand went out to press against the other guy's shoulder to keep him from coming any closer.

"I live here," I growled.

"_What!_?" His eyes went dark as he turned to face Bella and started screaming at her. "He lives here, Bella? Seriously? You shacked up with some monkey in this dump?"

"He lives in this building, Jake-"

"Fuck you, you little pup," I yelled. "Where the fuck do you get off talking to her like that?"

"That's none of your fucking business-"

"I'm making it my business!"

"-you fucking dick, now get the away from her-"

"Get your ass out of her apartment before I-"

"Stop it! Both of you!" Bella's voice managed to carry over both of ours.

I tried to breathe through my nose to settle myself a little, but it didn't work at all. I just ended up sounding like a raging bull or something, which was fitting because I was ready to charge. The second Bella was out from between us I was going to rip this fucker's head off.

He glared at me for a moment before looking down at Bella.

"Who the fuck is this?" he snarled at her, and I pushed forward a bit again. The feeling of her hand against my bare chest was seriously distracting, and I had to concentrate to keep my focus on my goal – killing the motherfucker who dared talk to her that way.

"This is Edward," Bella told him. "My neighbor."

"Your neighbor," the guy scoffed. "Does he always act like this?"

"Fuck you, you piece off-"

"Edward!" Bella scolded again. Her eyes blazed into mine, adding to the heat scorching my body. What was it about angry chicks that made them look so hot? She shook her head sharply. "This is Jacob, my…um…a friend from home."

"_Friend from home_," he echoed sarcastically.

I really wanted to beat the shit out of this guy.

"Yeah, he's very friendly," I snarled.

He took a step forward, and Bella ended up straightening her arms to push both of us away from each other. He grabbed her arm to move it away.

"Get your fucking hands off her!" I screamed as I headed towards him, no longer concerned with Bella's hand on me, though she managed to keep the contact as I moved. Going around to her left, he was no more than two steps away. All I needed to do was pin him down and go to town.

I was going to kill this guy.

"Please, Edward! Stop it! _Please_!"

Until she begged me not to.

Fuck.

My chest continued to rise and fall as I attempted to get a hold of myself. I took a couple of steps backward, allowing Bella's hand to fall away from my flesh. The spot where she had been touching me went cold as I glared at the stupid little intruder.

_Jacob._

Stupid name for a stupid little shit.

"You need to go," I told him. "Get the fuck out of here right now!"

"I'm not going anywhere!" Jacob yelled back. "We were having a private conversation-"

"Which you made public by fucking screaming at her!"

"I am not putting up with this shit." Jacob tossed his arms up in the air and turned around to walk further back inside. I should have taken the opportunity to knock him out cold since he had his back turned, but Bella's hand found its way back to my chest and tensed against my skin, like she knew what I was thinking.

I looked to her, and her wide eyes pleaded with me.

"You should go," she said. "It's okay – really."

"Bullshit," I replied. "I'm not going anywhere as long as he's acting that way."

"The way I'm acting?" Jacob snorted. "Do you even hear yourself?"

"I wasn't talking to you, fucktard."

"Edward!"

"Yeah, _Edward_," Jacob sneered. "Why don't you go crawl back into whatever hole you came from?"

"Jacob!"

"Very clever," I replied. "Did you go all the way through sixth grade just to learn that one?"

"Bella, you cannot be serious about staying in this dump with this idiot!"

"Jacob, I'm not going anywhere," Bella said. Her voice was soft but cold. "This is my home now. I've got classes, I have a job, and I can afford it just fine. Edward's been helping me out-"

"Yeah, I bet! Helping himself, more like."

Yeah, I was going to kill him.

"Jake! That is enough!" Bella turned and moved back towards him. I started to follow her further inside, but one glare over her shoulder stopped me in my tracks. "He's been a good friend. I'm just fine here, and I'm not going back home – not until I get my degree."

"That's four years, Bells," he whined. He fucking _whined_.

"At least you can count," I sneered. "Now why don't you try counting the steps outside? I'd be happy to accompany you."

Bella glared at me again, and I huffed a long breath out my nose.

"Yeah, he's obviously a great guy." Jacob crossed his arms over his chest. "I bet your dad would be really proud of you shacking up with-"

"Shut up, Jacob Black!" she shrieked. "Don't you dare bring my father into this!"

"Truth hurts, huh?"

"That's it," I said. I tried to keep my voice even, but it wasn't easy. I was going to have to beat the shit out of somebody, and I knew exactly who I wanted it to be. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I'm not going to stand here and have you listen to any more of this shit."

"Then why don't you walk out the door and go away?" Jacob growled.

"You are the one who needs to get out," I reminded him. Before he could really start arguing with me about it anymore, Bella said the only words I really needed to hear.

"He's right, Jacob – you need to go."

"I am not leaving you here with-"

With the words she had already spoken, I didn't need any more encouragement. I couldn't take anymore of Jacob's bullshit. I took three large strides forward until I was right in his face. I could feel Bella grabbing my arm, but I was beyond stopping at that point.

"Say it, motherfucker," I threatened. "Say you are going to stay when she said go, because I will happily rip your dick off and choke you with it."

Half a second later, Bella squirmed her way in between us and raised her arms up to press against my pectorals. The touch of skin-on-skin, the scent of her hair just under my nose, and the closeness of her body coupled with the heat of the argument just about gave me wood.

"Edward," she said softly. "Please, Edward. Don't."

"If he leaves," I replied. I didn't look at her – I kept my eyes focused right on his. If I looked at her I might decide to let him live, and I didn't really want to do that.

"Go, Jacob," Bella ordered. "We're done talking anyway."

"This isn't over," he said. His eyes darted away from mine and down to hers before he backed away. He reached over to her couch and picked up a black jacket before heading towards the door. "And I'm only leaving because she asked me to, asshole. Don't think this is over. It isn't over."

"I hope it isn't," I said, but I was only partially paying attention to him. Once he was away, my gaze had fallen to Bella's face, and I couldn't seem to look away. "The next time she isn't going to stop me."

I watched him leave out the corner of my eye, feeling very self satisfied as the door slammed shut. Bella startled at the noise from the door, and her fingers tensed against my shoulders. She was right up against me, clad in blue jeans and a thin, green tank top. Her bare forearms connected completely with the skin of my chest. I checked over my left shoulder – just to be sure he was really gone – and sighed. Before I had a chance to go into smug-mode, I glanced back down at Bella as she suddenly burst into tears.

The hands that had been pressed lightly against my shoulders moved upwards until they were wrapped around my neck, and Bella's face was tucked against my sternum as she sobbed. For a moment, I just stood there with my hands clenching and unclenching. It occurred to me that I could probably touch her now, but I didn't know where.

Without any other ideas, I tentatively brought my hands up to rest on her hips.

Damn, that felt good.

My fingers twitched right at the place where her shirt, which was riding up slightly since her arms were up around my neck, met the top of her jeans. I could feel just a little bit of skin against the tip of my left ring finger, and I knew just how easy it would be to slide my hands right up her shirt from there.

I didn't.

Actually, I had no freaking clue what I should be doing. I was having a really difficult time not sporting a massive boner from the feeling of her body pressed against mine, even though I knew how ridiculously rude that would be under the circumstances. At the same time, I just wanted her to feel better. I was a little afraid I might have added to her breakdown and didn't know what I should do about it.

For a brief moment, I wondered how she would react if I just picked her up and kissed her. I knew how totally inappropriate it would have been on about four hundred different levels, but that didn't stop my mind from playing out its little fantasy. I would bring my hand up, run it over her cheek, and stroke underneath her eye before I wrapped my fingers around the back of her neck. Then I'd lean over her, taking her bottom lip and sucking on it before claiming her mouth entirely.

A shudder from Bella brought me back to reality, and I tried to think of something I could say. I should probably say _it's all right_, or maybe tell her to stop crying or something like that. Nothing that came to mind really sounded right, so I ended up saying nothing. In a lame attempt at being some kind of comforting presence, I moved my hand to the small of her back and gently patted her a couple of times, wondering if I should say "there, there" now.

Bella suddenly gasped and unclasped her hands from around my neck. They dropped over my shoulders and back to my chest as she stared blankly at them for a moment. Her fingers twitched, and she looked up to me quickly before opening her mouth.

"Shit, I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" She kept repeating the phrase as she wiped moisture from my chest.

"Shut up," I said softly. My hand moved back to her hip, but I didn't release her. I didn't want to. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I got you all wet."

"I was all wet before," I told her. "Well, sweaty anyway. I've been running."

"Mascara," she muttered as she rubbed the side of her thumb over a tiny black smudge right next to my nipple.

She took a step away from me, and my hands dropped from her sides. The loss of contact was unsettling, and as my hands left her it kind of felt like I was being peeled away from her – just like a fucking banana from its skin.

That thought made me think of my own banana, and I wondered if he might also be considered a comforting presence. Maybe tucked between her thighs for an hour or so would be beneficial to her mood.

Shit, I had to stop thinking like that.

"You gonna tell me what all that was about?" I asked her.

"No," she replied.

A little battle broke out inside of my head. There was a little part of me that said this was private and I should mind my own business, but most of me just wanted to know if I should go after that asshole and beat him down. Really, I just wanted an excuse to do so.

"You know if you don't tell me," I informed her, "I'm going to come up with the worst possible scenario. If that happens, you won't be able to stop me from running after him and beating the shit out of him."

"No, don't," Bella said. She shook her head slowly. "We were just talking."

"Talking? That's some talk."

"Jake and I don't quite see eye to eye on the whole going to college thing," Bella explained. "He thought I would be just fine going to the community college near home, but I was accepted here, and I wanted the best possible education. He didn't want me to leave."

"This is the boyfriend you don't have, isn't it?"

She looked at me, and then away again. Her hand swept under her eyes once more.

"We broke up right before I left."

I paused for a minute, trying to figure out if she left him or he left her. Considering he came all the way out here from Washington led me to believe she ditched him, which made me feel a little better for some reason.

"Okay." I was certainly curious, but I also knew anything she said was going to make me want to run after him, so I was all right with not knowing, too. "You sure you don't want me to kick his ass?"

"Yes," Bella said, cracking a little smile. "Besides, I have to get ready for work soon. I don't have the time or the money to bail you out of jail."

"I wouldn't get arrested," I assured her. "I'm not stupid."

Bella looked at me with narrowed eyes, but didn't press for more information.

"You want me to stick around until it's time for us to go?" I asked. "I need to run up for a shower…"

…_for more than one reason…_

"…but I could be back down here in fifteen minutes. If he came back or something…"

"No," Bella answered immediately. "He won't come back – not today, anyway. I'll be fine, and we'll have to head off before too long anyway. I'll tell you more on our walk."

That would have to suffice.

"You sure you're okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine, really."

"I'll be back in an hour to walk you to work."

"Okay," she said. She ran her hands through her hair and let out a big sigh. "Thank you. _Again_."

"My pleasure," I said with a smile. "Anytime you want me to beat the shit out of someone, you just say the word."

"That's what big brothers are for, right?"

"Exactly!" I answered her with a grin. My face held a smile, but inside that word – _brother_ – made my guts twist up. Why the fuck had I ever said that in the first place?

I practically ran upstairs to jump in the shower. Before the water had even soaked through my skin, I had my dick in my hand. It didn't take more than a minute before I was grunting and spurting against the tiles.

I breathed heavily with one hand still against the cold wall. The shower and the jerk-off did nothing to sate my need to kick someone's ass or fuck my downstairs neighbor, and I wished I didn't have to wait for the opportunity to do either. I thought about finding Jacob while Bella was working, but I had the feeling she wouldn't appreciate it. I had a pretty good idea she wouldn't care for her_ big brother_ coming on to her, either.

At least I could pound that asshole without her ever finding out. I could hang around outside tonight, I decided. If I happened to see him, and we happened to have a little confrontation…well…that would just be coincidence, wouldn't it?

I soaped myself down, rinsed off, and stepped out onto the hand towel that served as a bathmat. I dripped for a bit while I stared at my face in the mirror and ran my hand over my jaw. I needed a shave, so I pulled out a razor and shaving cream and stared at myself in the mirror some more while I worked on the stubble.

_Brother._

Why, why, why did I ever say that?

I had just been trying to make her more comfortable, which seemed to have the desired effect, but it had definitely also become a hindrance. The word – _brother_ – just loomed over me when I stood next to her, wondering if I should maybe reach out and put my arm around her shoulders as we were walking or something.

Or better yet, reach down a little farther and grab her ass.

I sighed at myself, washed the left over shaving cream off my face, and got dressed. I slipped my boots on and grabbed a fresh pack of smokes before running out the door. I didn't want my _sister_ to have to wait around for me.

…

"So, tell me who this asshole is that I just want to kill now," I suggested as we headed out the apartment door and down the street.

"Please don't talk like that," Bella sighed. "Jake just worries. It's not like he was going to get violent with me."

"He's a douche," I said bluntly. Honestly, the idea he might have gotten physical with her never crossed my mind before she mentioned it. Why did she say that? Had he done that in the past? If I found out that he had, there would be no stopping me. I was ready to fuck him up just for yelling.

"He shouldn't have been talking to you like that," I continued. "How did you hook up with him, anyway?"

"That's kind of a long story," she said.

"Start it now," I suggested, "and finish it on the way home later."

Bella's shoulder rose and fell with a long breath.

"Fine," she said. "But it's not exciting or anything. It just boring, small-town crap."

"I like small town crap," I said. Bella looked at me with narrowed eyes, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really know what I meant by it, either. I liked her, and she was from a small town.

She wasn't crap, though.

I shook my head, trying to drive such contradictory and confusing thoughts away. I wondered if people who lived in small towns had always lived there, or if there was something about city life that made them seek refuge somewhere else.

"So, did your parents always live in a small town, or did they move there from a city or something?" I asked her.

"Pretty much always there," she said softly.

"So what do they think of you being here in the big city on your own?"

"Well…" Bella hesitated. "My dad passed away when I was young."

"Oh, right," I said. "Sorry – I know you told me that before. What happened to him?"

"He was a police officer and was hit by a car when he had someone pulled over for speeding. My parents were already divorced then, and Renee – that's my mom – never really wanted much to do with me. She was living in Florida at the time with a new husband, and I didn't want to leave my hometown. I ended up being raised by friends of the family."

"Those are some friends," I said with a whistle. "Taking in a kid that isn't theirs."

"We were always close," Bella said quietly. Something about her tone seemed off.

"Well, what did the family friends think of you coming here?"

"Uh…well, Billy – he is like my adopted dad, I guess – was really excited and happy about me going to college, actually. No one in his family had ever gone to college, and he pretty much treats me like his own flesh and blood. That is, until I decided to come here."

"He didn't want you to leave?"

"No one really thought it was anything more than a waste of time," she said. "They are all for the education, because that's something you could bring back to the res and teach everyone else, but to move away? That's pretty much unheard of. They're very intent on keeping the tribe together."

"You aren't part of the tribe, though, right?" I really had no idea how such things worked.

"Not by blood, obviously," Bella said. "But they considered me one of them."

I thought about that for a minute and wondered if they really treated her the same way or not. How would she really know?

"You have any brothers or sisters?"

"Well, not biological ones, no," she said. When she didn't elaborate I hounded her until she did. "Billy has three kids – two girls and a boy. I grew up with all of them."

"What about their mom?" I asked.

"She died in a car accident the year before my dad."

"Wow – already raising three kids on his own and takes in another one right after his wife dies? This Billy must be some kind of saint."

"Not…exactly," Bella mumbled, but she refused to elaborate.

"So tell me about the adopted siblings," I suggested. "Were you all close to the same age?"

"Rachel and Rebecca are twins, and a year older than me," Bella said.

"And your brother?" I lit up a smoke and watched her out of the corner of my eye as she started digging around in the Grand Canyon of women's accessories. She didn't answer, but mumbled something about where she might have left her lip gloss.

As she dug into the bag, she wasn't watching where she was going. She ended up tripping on the curb and nearly fell on her face. Unfortunately, she managed to right herself before I could grab her and help her up.

"That purse is going to end up killing you off," I told her. "Either you're going to fall into it and never be seen again, or you're going to fall off a cliff while looking for something in it."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said.

She always said that whenever I made a comment about Grand Central Handbag.

"I bet I could put a mouse in there and you would never find it."

"I most certainly would."

"You wouldn't notice it until you found nibble marks in your lipstick."

Bella groaned at my joke and pulled the bag up a little against her side as we rounded the last turn before Newton's.

"I'll see you about one?"

Bella nodded.

"Hopefully I won't be too late. I hate you waiting on me."

I shrugged.

"I have nothing else to do," I told her.

"Thanks again," she said.

"No worries."

Bella smiled and turned to walk into Newton's. There was a good chunk of me that just wanted to follow her inside, greasy food smells be damned. But as she disappeared behind the entrance, I turned to head back home.

I was never one to cling, but it almost seemed to hurt when she walked away from me.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Who needs a little Edward boner to comfort them?

Get in line!

See you next Friday! Same Caged time, same Caged channel! :)

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

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	6. Stake the Claim

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! Just barely got this chapter done in time to get it to DK (Thank you!) for beta reading, and have it posted on time tonight. I'll be sitting in jury duty today, so maybe I'll have time to get some more writing done and not be under the gun next week.

Laundry mat...laundromat... what do I know? :)

And now...another episode of "As the Cage Turns"...

Enjoy!

**Say that shit ten times fast.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Stake the Claim**

The walk home was interesting.

I had been thinking about our conversation most of the night while hanging out at _Feet First_ and listening to some crappy garage band. The conclusion I had drawn was that she had been rather elusive about her foster family, and my curiosity gnawed at me as I waited for her to exit Newton's so I could walk her home and barrage her with more questions.

I didn't even ask who the patron of the night was this time.

"So, tell me everything else about this family you grew up with," I said.

"I thought I did," she said with a little shrug. She started digging around in her purse again, which I was starting to realize was some kind of distraction tactic, and I wasn't falling for it.

"You can live without lip gloss for a few minutes," I informed her. She looked up at me through narrowed eyes. "Tell me about your brother. What's his name?"

She paused for far longer than was really necessary. I was about to press when she finally spoke up.

"It's um…it's Jacob Black," she finally said. She narrowed her eyes at me while she spoke. "Jake and I grew up together."

"Jake, the douche bag, Jake?" I asked. "The one I'm going to filet if I ever see him again?"

"Well, yes," Bella said. "Except the filleting part."

"_Jake_ is your _brother_?" I hissed. It was the farthest thing from my mind, and I didn't know how to react to that kind of news. At least I understood her hesitation now. Her _bother_? She said she was six when her dad died, so she had been living with him since she was a little kid, raised as siblings, and then they end up together? How fucked up was that?

"You know, I really took quite enough of that kind of crap when I was in high school, and I don't need to hear any more of it now. Yes, we grew up together in the same house. No, we are not related by blood in any way, and yes, we dated. Deal with it!"

I turned to look at her then, eyebrows raised to meet her glare. Really, how else did she expect me to react? It _was_ fucked up, without a doubt. We looked at each other for a moment before she dropped her gaze.

"Bit of animosity around that subject, huh?"

"I'm tired of being judged," Bella snapped back at me. "Especially for something that is over and done with. Was it a mistake? Yes it was, but not because we lived in the same house."

"Did you fuck him?" I asked.

"That is none of your damn business!" Bella snapped.

"True," I agreed. "I'm mostly just curious."

"Well, you can just continue to be curious!"

"You have a bit of a temper, don't cha?" I wasn't sure if I was disgusted by the whole idea of it, curious about how such a relationship could come about, or intrigued that if she would consider one brother-figure as potential for more, then maybe she would consider another.

Even more fucked up.

When I realized she hadn't answered me, I found myself pressing the issue.

"So what was the mistake?"

She sighed.

"Jake is too much like his dad," Bella said. "Even when he doesn't agree with him, he will still go along with whatever Billy says."

"What does Billy say?" I asked. She hadn't said much about her adoptive father, and I kind of wondered about that. I found whatever revulsion I might have felt disappear into interest about her life.

"Well, like going to school, for instance," Bella explained. "He was all right with me going to a local place and still living on the res, but he was completely against me going out of town to get my degree."

"It's your life," I said simply.

"Billy doesn't see it that way," she mumbled. "Neither does Jacob."

"How did he react when you got accepted to Masen?"

Bella went quiet, and I had to ask a couple more times before I could get her to elaborate.

"I don't know how he reacted," she finally said. "I didn't tell them – I just left."

"Packed your bags and disappeared in the middle of the night?"

"Basically."

I whistled low.

"So they're both pissed at you now."

"Apparently," she said. "I figured they would find out where I went, but I didn't think Jake would drive all the way out here to try to bring me back."

"Does he even know you broke up with him?"

"Yes," she said. "I did that the day before I left. We argued about school conflicting with my _duties as the wife of the next chief_, and I called off the wedding."

She made little air-quotes with her fingers as she spoke, but I just shook my head as I tried to make some sort of meaning out of what she was saying.

"You were engaged?"

She snorted.

"Betrothed, more like. I don't recall anyone ever asking me, they just started planning a wedding."

"That's fucked up." I noticed there was a definite theme to my thoughts about the people she grew up with.

"No argument here."

We walked in silence for a few minutes while I tried to digest all the information she had just given me. It didn't help the desire to break douche bag's face at all, and actually kind of led me to add douche bag's father to the list of potential targets. I considered asking for their address, but I didn't think she would give it to me. Maybe I would have to wait for one of them to show up here again, which had me wondering.

"So what are you going to do the next time he shows up at your place?" I quickened my pace a little as I guided Bella across the street. I hopped up on the curb and tilted my head to look at her.

"I don't know," she replied. She was staring at the ground again, and I wanted to harass her for it, but I also didn't want her to change the subject on me.

"Wrong answer." I shook my head vigorously. "Number one, you don't let him in. Number two, you call me."

"I don't want to drag you into my bullshit," she said with a sigh.

"Too late," I said succinctly. "And it wouldn't matter anyway – I'm putting myself in it."

"What happened to '_it's my life'_?" she asked. She reached up and pulled her hair out of its ponytail.

Damn, that was distracting.

I made myself focus on the conversation at hand and not the enticing way her hair lay around on her shoulders.

"What are you going to do if he suddenly decides he's going to drag you back there, huh?" I asked. There was a hot spot in my stomach, driving the anger out of my gut and into my words. "You going to say '_no, please don't'_ – like you would have done with those rapists in the street? Ask him politely? You think that would work?"

She didn't reply.

"It's possible, isn't it?" I pressed. "He could come back here and try to haul you home."

"I think that's why he came here, yes," she said quietly.

"I figured as much," I snarled.

The apartment building came into view, and a minute later we stopped at Bella's door.

"So what are you going to do if he shows up here again?" I asked.

"Not let him in," she replied as she rolled her eyes.

"And?"

"I don't have your number."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. Bella shoved both hands inside of Sasquatch's Satchel and pulled out a pen and an entire notebook of paper. We exchanged numbers, and I asked her why her ex couldn't seem to just drop it and move on.

"Everything is all about the tribe, all the time," Bella explained. "For the good of the tribe is their motivation for everything. I understand it to a degree, because their numbers are dwindling and they're afraid the whole culture is just going to cease to exist someday. I know they want to protect that, but telling me I have to stay home and have babies for their sake isn't the answer."

A flash of a slightly bulging stomach ricocheted through my head, accompanied by chills and a tensing of the muscles in my lower abdomen. I gritted my teeth and forced the thoughts away.

"You don't want kids?" I heard myself ask. I had no fucking idea why I asked such a question – it was a door that remained closed in my head.

"Someday, maybe," she said softly. "But not at eighteen, like he wanted."

I had to change the subject as quickly as possible, so I went for the most obnoxious thing that could have come out of my mouth. Obnoxious, crass, and far too close to what I really wanted to know.

"So you were fucking him," I said.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes.

"Look, this isn't exactly a topic I care to discuss in the hallway."

"It's not my bedtime yet," I told her. I glanced at my wrist, which didn't actually have a watch on it, then over to her partially opened doorway, and then back to her face.

Bella sighed, opened her apartment door wider, and made a big arm gesture towards the inside. I was so surprised the tactic worked, I almost just stood there and stared at her outstretched arm, but my feet finally woke up and moved me forward.

The only other time I had been in Bella's apartment at all, I hadn't really paid any attention to anything in it. I had been far too focused – first on the asshole who was yelling at her, and then by the act of will it kept to keep from pressing my cock against her stomach while she hugged me. Now that the distractions were removed, I looked around a bit more.

The layout was exactly the same as mine – a small living room and eat-in kitchen with a little hallway leading to two other doors – the bedroom and bath. Her furniture was slightly better than mine, since she obviously got a place that was completely furnished, but it was still pretty bland. There was a couch and a coffee table sitting across from a bookshelf with a little television with rabbit ears on top of it. The rest of the shelf was covered in books – both novels and text books, as far as I could tell. Next to the couch there was a little table with a butt-ugly lamp sitting on it.

"You want something to drink?" Bella asked. "Um…I've only got water and some apple juice, though."

I couldn't stop the smile.

"Apple juice is awesome," I said. Bella walked into the kitchen to pour two glasses while I sat on the couch and looked around a bit more. There weren't any decorations or anything on the wall, but I did notice a small framed picture of a guy in a police officer's uniform standing with a little girl, who I figured was Bella.

I didn't get a chance to take a closer look before Bella came back with the drinks, which she set on little cardboard coasters. She stood there nervously for a moment before sitting beside me and curling her legs up underneath her.

"So?" I asked as I leaned an elbow on the back of the couch. I tilted my body towards her, pulling my leg up slightly and nearly matching her posture. I leaned my head down onto my open hand.

"I have no idea why I'm talking to you about this," Bella said.

"Apple juice will make you say all kinds of crazy shit," I informed her. I gave her a very serious look. "Chug that glass and it'll all just flow right out."

"The story or the juice?"

"Both."

Bella snickered and rubbed her hands against her thighs. I waited somewhat patiently as she seemed to gather herself up.

"This is so embarrassing," Bella said as she dropped her head into her hands. "We tried, okay? It just didn't really work."

"He couldn't get it up," I said with a smirk. "Maybe he's gay."

"That wasn't it," Bella corrected.

"What didn't work then?" I asked. I had no idea what she was trying to say, or what she was trying to avoid saying. She was obviously embarrassed by something, but I had run out of patience and wasn't going to let it go at that point. "Well?"

"He just…couldn't get it in."

Oh.

"Must be a big guy," I said. My smirk was gone.

"No, no…he's…I don't know, average, I guess? It just…wouldn't go."

"Wait…" I had a sudden epiphany. "You mean you weren't ready, right?"

"I was ready," she said defensively. "We planned it for weeks. After prom and all that trite shit."

"Maybe you said you were, but you weren't wet, were you? He couldn't get it in because you weren't into it."

Bella went silent as she stared at the corner of the coffee table, which was where her drink sat untouched. Without the ability to read her mind, I wasn't really sure what she might have been contemplating – only that she was definitely deep in thought, and I didn't want to break the imposed silence.

A couple of minutes later, she finally spoke.

"He was right," she said quietly. Her voice was strained, and the tension in her shoulders was visible.

"What do you mean? Who was right?"

"Jacob," she answered. "He said there was something wrong with me, I just didn't want to believe it."

"What?" I bellowed. Bella jumped in her seat. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Just what you said!" she shouted back as her voice broke. "There's something wrong with me!"

"For fuck's sakes," I cried, "there is not!"

"But you just said…"

"I said you weren't into it," I reminded her. "You weren't wet because he didn't turn you on. You didn't want him. That's not a problem with you, that's a problem with him being a douche bag. You didn't want to sleep with him."

"I did…" her voice trailed off, and her tone was completely non-convincing.

"Bullshit." I put my empty glass down and turned to face her. "Maybe he said you were ready, and maybe you wanted to believe you were, but you weren't. If you really wanted it, you would have known it – felt it. Your body would respond to that, and it would have worked."

I tried not to think about how fucked up the direction this conversation had taken and reminded myself that she was still pretty young. I hadn't realized she was so naïve, but it kind of fit with the whole small town theme about her. I didn't want to admit it, but the fact that Jacob had backed off and not just…well…forced his way in was a pretty good thing.

"How do you know?" Bella asked as she looked at me. The edges of her eyes were a little red, and though I didn't see any actual tears, I could tell they were close.

"Because…well…" I had no idea how to answer that without sounding like a total slut. My hand reached up and ran over my face as if that was going to help me come up with a better answer.

"Because what?" Bella pushed. Apparently she was not going to let me off easy.

"Because I know women," I said. "I know women and how they are when they're turned on. If there's something wrong with anyone, it's him for not knowing what the fuck he was doing. He didn't know how to get you going."

I looked straight into her eyes, and she looked into mine. It felt like some kind of understanding was flowing between us, but I couldn't have put a name on it. It should have felt awkward – the whole conversation was awkward – but it didn't. It felt right. It felt good.

"You really think it's not me?" she asked.

"It's not you," I told her definitively. I wanted to add that I would be happy to show her just how turned on she could get. I wanted to crawl right over the top of her and leave her dripping in her panties. I wanted to show her everything I could make her feel with my hands, my tongue, my…

"Do you want more?"

"Huh? What?" I stammered.

"Juice," she said, nodding towards my empty glass. "Do you want some more apple juice?"

"Oh…um…no, that's okay."

Fuck.

With the conversation abruptly changed, we both sat back against the couch cushions. After about five more minutes of small talk, Bella yawned and we called it a night. I walked upstairs, stripped, and dropped face down on my bed with my hands up by the pillow. I tried to relax, but my back and shoulders were tense, and my cock was simply not going to let me sleep without any attention first, so I rolled over on my back and took matters into my hand.

I really, really needed to get laid.

…

I never worked on Saturday or Sunday, but I usually hung out at _Feet First_ anyway. They had a couple other dudes who would fight on Saturday nights, but they honestly weren't very good. They were lightweights, and the fights were usually quick and scrappy, which some people liked.

There wasn't near enough blood, if you asked me.

"Why don't you fight against them?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a woman sit down on the bar stool next to mine, but I didn't turn to her. My eyes stayed on the fight.

"Because I outweigh them by fifty pounds," I told her. "I could probably just sit on them and knock them unconscious."

She giggled, and I turned my head to check her out. The long, straight platinum blonde hair was easy to recognize.

"Irina, right?"

"You remembered."

"You were the only thing worth looking at in the laundromat," I said with a shrug and a smile. Flirt mode automatically engaged as she smiled back, and I bought her a drink.

"So, how'd you find me?" I asked.

"Saw that back tattoo on a poster outside the game shop on Fourth Street," she told me. "I knew it was you, so I thought I'd come check out this whole cage fighting thing. Sorry to see you aren't up there."

She nodded towards the cage.

"Not until Tuesday."

"I'll have to come back."

"I think you should."

For the next hour, we drank, complained about laundry, and stepped out for the occasional smoke. She was pretty cool, had awesome ink, and was smart enough to hold a decent conversation. She also couldn't keep her hands off my inked skin, and I was both pleasantly buzzed and horny enough to really, really enjoy it.

"So, what else is there to do around here?" she asked with a raise of her eyebrows. She slipped the longneck bottle into her mouth and poured amber liquid down her throat.

"I could show you the locker room," I suggested.

"Private locker room?"

"It is if I padlock it," I replied. My tongue darted out over my lips as I watched for her reaction.

"Hmm…interesting." Irina flipped her hair over her shoulder and tilted her head as she looked at me. "I've never seen the inside of a cage fighter's locker room before."

"First time for everything," I said with a raise of my brows. "Shall we?"

I offered her my hand and quickly made my way around the cage. I nudged past Paul, who winked at me as we went by, and I led Irina down the ramp to the locker room.

As soon as we were inside, I slipped the lock through the ring in the metal plate on the door, turned and grabbed Irina by the waist. I lifted her easily and spun us both around before pressing her back against the door and covering her mouth with mine.

Her hands were against my stomach and then slipped lower to make their way through the buttons of my jeans. My hands crawled inside the back of her shirt, where I found and released the clasp of her bra. My tongue danced in her mouth, and she moaned as she pressed her crotch up against mine.

She tasted like lipstick.

Her hair didn't feel right. Too smooth. Too straight.

She didn't smell right, either. The scent of chemical-induced roses or whatever made my nose sting.

Her hand found its way inside my boxers.

Her mouth stopped moving.

"Everything okay?" she said quietly.

"Yeah," I said quickly. "Fine…just…um…here-"

I shifted her a little, bringing her legs around my waist and grinding against her a bit.

Nothing.

"Maybe I'm a little drunk," I shrugged.

"You've had two beers," she reminded me.

I swallowed and then started kissing up the side of her neck. Her hands went into my hair, and she tugged at it a bit.

I didn't like it.

"Don't…" I mumbled. I reached up behind my head and pulled her hand down to my shoulder instead.

She looked at me with disbelief in her eyes, and I slowly lowered her back to the ground. I moved in to kiss her again, but she brought up her hand and placed it against the center of my chest, holding me off.

I remembered how another hand felt against my chest.

I liked the other one better.

Irina let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Look, Edward – you are totally hot, but I'm not one to pursue a guy who obviously…" her eyes darted down and then back up again, "…isn't into me. So, let's not make a big deal out of it, okay?"

"I just…I never…" I stammered.

"Shush," she said as she placed her cheap, plastic, fake nails across my lips. "If I had to guess, there's someone else you would much rather have in here with you right now instead of me. I can deal with that. Maybe you need to deal with it a bit yourself, hmm?"

With that, she reached behind her back to re-hook her bra, lifted the lock on the door, placed it in my palm, and left.

Taking a couple of steps backwards, I plopped myself down on the bench by the lockers and dropped my head into my hands. I had no fucking clue what just happened. I had never, _never_ had any issues with my cock standing straight and tall for any woman I had even the slightest interest in fucking. Never, ever, ever, not even once.

Well, once now.

I leaned back against the cool metal for a moment, sighed disgustedly at myself, and then started buttoning up my pants. My hands dug around in my hair while I wondered if I really had turned gay some night while I was sleeping. Maybe Alice's crazy was contagious or something.

With nothing better to do, I left early and hung around outside of Newton's for an hour until Bella was done with her shift. She was pretty tired after hauling greasy food around for hours and didn't have a lot to say on the way home.

If I really thought about it, I would have had to admit that she'd been somewhat uncommunicative since we had the little heart to heart on her couch the other night, and I hoped I hadn't pushed her too much. She didn't seem like she was mad at me, more introspective.

I was distracted myself, thinking about what Irina had said to me and wondering just how close to the truth she might have been. It made me wonder about the whole big brother thing and if I should maybe consider turning that around. I mean, we obviously weren't related and had only known each other for about a month and a half. Considering she had a thing with a guy she actually grew up with, maybe she wouldn't have an issue reconsidering the sibling status we had established.

Say that shit ten times fast.

We were half way back, and I realized we hadn't said two words to each other.

"Everything okay tonight?" I asked.

"Hmm?" Bella cocked her head to the side to look at me. "Oh…um…it was fine, I guess. Nothing very exciting."

"No crazy diners tonight?"

"Not really," she said. "There was one who sent his food back three times, but that's not very exciting."

"He didn't like it?"

"Guess not."

That was about the extent I was getting out of her for conversation, and it was starting to tick me off a little. This was my favorite part of the day, and she wasn't at all cooperative about it. That coupled with the generally shitty way my night had gone was making me pretty pissy.

"What's up with you?" I demanded.

"What?" she asked, startling slightly.

"Talk to me or something!" I growled. I sounded ridiculous, and I didn't care. "Tell me more about screwing around with your siblings or something."

Yeah, that crossed a line.

Bella glared at me, looked like she was about to say something, but quickly closed her mouth instead. She started to walk ahead of me, like she was going to escape into the building and avoid me all together. I took a couple of quick steps and placed my hand over the door, delaying her entry. Bella growled through her teeth and clutched at Gorilla Gucci.

I ignored the bag and its potentially frightening contents.

"Get out of my way!" she snapped.

"Fuck, Bella – I didn't mean-"

"I know exactly what you meant!" she snarled. "I thought maybe you weren't going to be like that, but I can see you are! So get the fuck out of my way before I slap you!"

A little chill went through my body, and the boner I couldn't seem to find earlier started shoving painfully against the buttons of my jeans.

Holy shit, why did I find that hot?

"Stop it!" I snapped as my heart beat in my chest. My hands ached to grab her, slam her up against the door, rip off her shorts, and do her in front of the neighborhood. "I didn't mean it like that! It just…it just came out wrong."

I moved further between her and the door as I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You think I'm fucked up, just like everyone else in school did," she said. I didn't have to see the slight tears welling up at the corners of her eyes – I could hear it in her voice.

"Fuck, Bella. I didn't mean it that way, I swear." Well, I did think it was fucked up, but I hadn't meant to direct that towards her. "So you dated a guy you grew up with – what's it to me?"

She glanced at me, her expression telling me immediately that she didn't believe a word coming out of my mouth.

"Look, Bella," I said quietly. I reached out and placed my hands on either side of the door frame and leaned a little closer. "I'm not going to lie to you and say it isn't a little…_surprising_…but it doesn't mean I think any less of you. Besides, you aren't with him anymore. You don't even live there anymore."

"Why don't you just say what you want?" she asked. The anger was gone from her voice, but her words stung more. "Tell me I'm a freak, tell me I'm going to hell, tell me what a horrible person I am – I'm used to it."

"I don't think that," I told her.

"Don't you?"

"No!" I narrowed my eyes, my own ire coming back a little. She didn't have any reason to doubt me – I had never lied to her.

She took a step back and covered her face with her hands. A moment later, she let out a loud growling sound, shook her head, and then looked back to me. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, and I tried not to think filthy things about how awesome it looked.

Her shoulders sagged as she let out a long breath.

"I wasn't expecting people here to find out and judge me on it."

"I'm not judging you."

"Judgment day! Judgment day!" A sing-song voice came from up above us.

"Shut up, you crazy bitch!" I yelled.

Bella snickered, and the tension between us instantly faded away as Crazy Alice threw her still-lit cigarette out over the edge of the fire escape and towards us. It dropped to the cement in front of me, and I bent over to pick it up.

"Thanks!" I said as I took a long drag off of it.

"Even she knows now," Bella muttered.

"Crazy Alice isn't going to tell anybody anything, are you, baby?" I yelled up at her. I smiled as I looked back down at Bella. "Even if she did, no one would believe a word of it."

"What's wrong with her?" Bella asked quietly, as if Crazy Alice would care if she heard anything Bella said.

"I told you before – she's crazy."

"But what kind of crazy?" Bella asked. "Is she schizophrenic or something?"

"Hell if I know," I responded with a shrug. "All I can tell you is she doesn't make any sense about ninety-five percent of the time. Then the other five percent of the time, she says something you think is absolutely brilliant."

"Like what?" She looked up at the fire escape with wide eyes.

I could feel a smile creep over my face as she stared towards the fire escape. She was beautiful in the faded light from the one and only functional streetlight around, and I was just thrilled she hadn't stayed mad at me. It made me feel…

…giddy.

"Like mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy…"

"Edward!" Bella smacked me on the arm and laughed.

"What?" I exclaimed. I placed my hand on my chest and tried my best to look shocked. "I looked it up on the internet! It's true! All of it! The lambs, the mares – everything!"

Bella shook her head and laughed again. It was a wonderful sound, and I was glad we weren't ending the night with any more talk of her ex boyfriend-brother, Jacob Black.

We headed into the building, said goodnight at Bella's door, and I went up to my own apartment for my date with a handful of lather and my fingers wrapped around my cock.

…

The following Wednesday, our walks came to an abrupt end.

I had just dropped Bella off and was already wishing it was time to pick her up again. The nights were a lot longer when I wasn't working but she was. Stepping over the little brick border around a half-dead bunch of annuals, I hopped off the curb to cross the alley behind Newton's, figuring I'd spend my time at _Feet First_, even though I didn't have any spare cash for dinner or a drink. I reached into my pocket, pulled out my smokes and lighter, and took a deep drag on the Marlboro. I blew smoke high into the cooling night air, and then turned abruptly at the sound of my name.

"Edward! Edward, wait!"

I stopped right in the gutter, turned to see Bella running back towards me, and wondered if some sort of prayer had been answered. I stepped back up onto the curb and watched her run up to me. As soon as she was close enough, I could see the tears running down her face.

Did all girls cry so much?

"What's wrong?" I asked. It hadn't been more than fifteen minutes since I watched the door close behind her, and I couldn't fathom what could have happened in such a short amount of time.

"Mike," she gasped.

"_What did he do_?" I growled. I was trying really hard not to yell, but if she didn't come out with it I was going to beat his ass. I reached out and grasped her by both shoulders, making her turn to face me.

"He…he…he _fired_ me!" Bella cried.

She was completely hysterical, and I couldn't make out a single syllable after that. I eventually gave up trying to understand her, bent down, and picked her up in my arms. She squealed at first, but then just let me and carry her all the way home while she soaked the shoulder of my shirt. Once I got her into her apartment with a glass of apple juice in her hand, she calmed down enough so I could understand her words.

"There was a new girl there," Bella told me. "I think he called her Jessica. I've never seen her before, but she had huge tits that were practically hanging out of her top, and…and…"

She sniffed loudly and grabbed a tissue out of the box that was on the little shelf at the bottom of the coffee table. She wiped her eyes and nose before continuing.

"He said she had more experience, and he didn't need me there anymore," she said. "He said he was sorry, and he'd keep my number just in case someone quit or something."

She turned towards me, and the look in her eyes tore right through my chest.

"What am I going to do?" she asked. "I can't survive here without a job. I just barely have enough to make rent. I have books I still need to buy for one of my classes, and they're almost a hundred dollars! I can't pass the class without the books!"

"Can't you…find them at the library or something?"

"They're all checked out," she said. "And I'm fourth on the waiting list."

"Fuck," I muttered. I wanted to be able to tell her the perfect solution, but I was nearly as shocked as she was. Not that Newton made such a shitty move, that didn't surprise me because most bar owners were assholes, but that she had gone from having everything in order to being totally screwed in a matter of minutes.

"I have to move back," Bella said quietly. "There's no way I'll be able to make it without that job. Rent is due the day after tomorrow, and I barely have enough to pay it. I won't have enough for food, or the electric, or _anything_ if I don't get tip money. But if I don't pay, I'll get thrown out."

One thing about our landlord – he didn't put up with late payments and he didn't have any sympathy for anyone's sob story. She was completely right thinking that he'd throw her out, and he wouldn't give her any thirty days notice, either. Leases were month-to-month, and anyone who didn't pay by the second was out on the street by noon.

"They were right," Bella said. Her voice cracked a little. "They were all right – I never should have come here. I can't do this."

"Yes you can," I corrected. "Look how well you have already done."

"I probably would have been killed in the street the second week I was here if it weren't for you," Bella scoffed as she wiped at her eyes. "I haven't done anything."

"Yes," I said emphatically, "you have. You've been going to school, and I bet you are spending a whole lot of time studying, and you are probably getting great grades, aren't you?"

She looked at me through her lashes, then lowered her head a bit and nodded.

"So you can do it, and it's not like you got fired for doing a shitty job. You got fired because Newton is an asshole, and I just might have to give him a coupon to amateur night in the cage."

Actually, I kind of liked that idea. I wondered if he could be coaxed into it. The thought was really, really intriguing, but Bella's words took me in a completely different direction.

"I can't keep doing this, Edward," she said so softly I could barely hear her. "Not without a job, and I don't have time to find one. I'm pretty much screwed here. I have to move back to LaPush."

Knowing what she said was absolutely true, and also knowing how few and far between decent jobs were around here, I couldn't really argue with her. The very idea that she would have to give up on her dream so quickly was bad enough, but coupling that with knowing that if she moved back home, I'd probably never see her again was more than I could take.

I didn't think, I didn't consider. I didn't even realize what I was saying.

"Move in with me."

I was never one for impulsiveness, but the words just came out of my mouth.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Umm...he said whaa?

You know this has got to get interesting.

I really had DK going for a bit, thinking THoA was going to do Irina in the locker room. She has a dirty mouth when she's all riled up...makes it funny as hell.

Have a wonderful weekend!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	7. Clean the Mess

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Welcome back, THoA's Horas! It's fight day, and time for an update! You've been so patient, so no reason to listen to my babble...

Thanks to DK, as always, for the beta reading, and to Deeper Water for running the Caged Reading group. The link is in my profile!

**"This place is a disaster."**

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Clean the Mess**

"Don't be ridiculous."

I was starting to hate that phrase.

"I'm not," I insisted. I was still trying to figure out what the fuck I had just said. There was a little voice in the back of my head that was telling me I had asked her to move in with me, but I knew that couldn't be right. I never lived with a woman before, and I barely knew this one. I couldn't have said that.

_Oh yes you did._

Fuck.

I had to take it back, didn't I? But I couldn't do that. I mean – she hadn't answered yet, but I had already offered. It would be rude to take back the extended hand at this point, wouldn't it?

Why didn't I ever pay attention to all those etiquette lessons?

Besides, I wasn't so sure I wanted to take it back at all. Yeah, this was definitely out of the norm, there was no denying that, but that didn't mean it was a bad idea.

Of course it was. It was a fucking awful idea.

"It's the perfect answer," I heard my mouth open up and spew. "You wouldn't have to find a job right away, you would still be able to get to school, and we'd only have to carry your stuff upstairs."

"Edward, I am not a mooch!" Bella insisted. "I'm not going to move in with you and have you just take care of me like some child!"

"It wouldn't be like that," I said. My arms and shoulders tensed up. I was losing this battle, if that's what it was, and I didn't want to lose it. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted her with me. No matter how stupid the idea was, I wanted to figure out how to make it work so she would stay.

"Oh really?" she snapped, and I could see anger flashing through her eyes. "How would it be then?"

I wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking, but I had the feeling she had the wrong idea. There was also a certain amount of pride I was dealing with here, no doubt. She didn't want anyone to think she couldn't do it on her own.

"We'd just be…you know…roommates. Help each other out, right?"

"Roommates?" Bella echoed.

"Yeah," I replied with a nod. "Lots of people have roommates – there's nothing wrong with that. I help you, you help me. Even if you paid half the rent, that would give you two months before you would need to have another job. We'd share food and shit, so that wouldn't cost as much."

"Roommates," she said again. Her tone was rather deadpan, but there was still a hint of ire underneath it.

"Right. It's actually kind of perfect for me, too. I could use the help, I guess." I had no fucking clue what I was babbling about, but it seemed to be working.

"I'm still paying half the rent, though," she said as she looked up at me. "I'm not negotiating on that."

"Sure," I said with a shrug. I really didn't care if she paid rent or not, I was just glad she seemed to be considering it.

"What about the utilities?" She was just trying to come up with excuses now.

"Don't worry about it."

"Edward," she sighed.

"Pay me back later – whatever."

"This just doesn't sound right."

"You wouldn't have to quit school," I reminded her. "You'll have time to find a job that isn't too far away, and then you can pay me back, or we'll split the bills or whatever. It's just temporary, you know?"

Holy shit, did I really just say that?

"You know, until you're back on your feet."

"Temporary," she repeated softly.

Obviously, that made it all sound a lot better to her, so I went with it.

"Just until you're back on your feet, ya know? You could stay in school, and you wouldn't have to go back to Washington. You will have plenty of time to look for another job, and once you have a bit saved up you can do whatever you want. "

Her eyes widened, and I had the feeling the tides had just turned.

"I'd pay half your rent for this next month, right?"

"Sure," I said. "I mean – that helps me out, too, right? Not at all moochy."

Bella looked up at me, and I could see her gaze darting between my eyes. Her mouth tightened a little as she kept looking at me intently, like she was trying to find the perfect answer written in my irises.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Positive."

She nodded slightly then, and all the tension in my body flooded out so fast I was surprised I managed to keep myself from just falling over.

"So, you'll do it?" I felt the need to hear her say the actual words.

"If you are sure it's okay," Bella answered. "I don't feel good about it."

I was pretty sure I felt good enough about it for the both of us.

…

I had been completely right about one thing – moving all her stuff out didn't take a lot of time. It was a good thing, too. I went with Bella to tell the landlord she was moving out of her place and into mine, and I had the idea he would have been a lot shittier about it if I hadn't been there. As it was, he was very insistent she be out pretty much immediately because he needed to get another Section Eight family in or he wasn't going to get something or another from the government next month. He basically gave her until three in the afternoon, or she wouldn't get any deposit back.

We didn't waste any time, but went straight back to her place and got to work. Bella shoved items into some empty beer crates I brought over from Feet First, and I carried them up to my apartment – _our apartment_ – and stacked them in the living room.

Our apartment.

I smiled a little at the thought as I set a crate of freaking heavy books down next to my rowing machine in the living room. Though it was staying cool outside, I was sweating up a storm going back and forth between apartments and carrying boxes around. I pulled up the edge of my T-shirt and wiped it over my face, and then I headed back downstairs.

We had both agreed the best thing to do was just to get stuff moved so the landlord would hopefully give her back her security deposit. The extra money would come in really handy if he would give any of it back. I had my doubts, but I knew he wouldn't if she wasn't totally out of the place on time. Given that it was the last day of the month, there was no chance of leniency, so we focused on just getting everything out as quickly as possible.

"This is just about it," Bella said as I walked back in. "There are a few more things in the bathroom, but I should be able to fit them in here."

She held up the Beast Bag.

"Well, if I had known we could pack stuff in that thing," I grinned, "I wouldn't have bothered to bring those crates from the bar. Here, let me shove the fridge in there…"

I moved across the floor and wrapped my arms around the front of the refrigerator and acted like I was going to pick it up.

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella sighed, but she also smiled slightly and shook her head at me. "There are two more boxes in the kitchen, one in the bedroom, and the bathroom stuff. I think that's it. I'll just need to clean everything off and then tell the landlord I'm out."

"I'll get this stuff upstairs," I said. I picked up the kitchen boxes, dropped them off on my kitchen table, and ran back down for the last bits.

Bella was already vacuuming the floors when I got there, and she spent the next hour cleaning the whole place up. She seemed to think having it nice and clean was going to make any difference on her deposit. I wasn't so sure, but we had plenty of time before three o'clock, and it certainly couldn't hurt.

I went upstairs, grabbed two beers, and brought them back down. I popped the caps off and handed one to Bella, who paused from her counter-cleaning to sit and eye the bottle a bit before shrugging and having a drink.

"Better than apple juice?" I asked, teasing.

"No," she replied seriously. "Not really."

I laughed because she was actually right. The beer was cheap and not very good. It was cold, and there was something about beer and physical labor that just went together.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Bella jumped up and opened the refrigerator. She brought out a small paper plate with two large, red apples coated in caramel. There was a big Popsicle stick shoved into the top of each one.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Caramel apples!" Bella announced. "I thought they would be appropriate, and it _is_ Halloween."

"Oh yeah," I said with a nod. I hadn't really thought about it, but I couldn't argue with the date. The apples were crunchy, and the caramel was gooey and sweeter than I remembered from childhood. "This is different than the ones I've had before."

"How so?" Bella asked. She looked up at me through her lashes, appearing apprehensive.

"The caramel is different," I said. "It's…sweeter, maybe? Definitely stickier."

"Is that bad?"

"No," I replied, "I like it this way."

"Good," she smiled. "I made it from scratch."

"You made caramel?"

"Yep," she said, and she licked a bit of caramel off her lip.

I could have helped with that.

"So, you really do like it?"

Yeah…I'd definitely like to lick the caramel off…

"Edward?"

"Hmm? Oh…sorry." I swallowed the mouthful of apple and tried to focus. "What did you say?"

Bella gave me a weird look and shook her head minutely.

"I asked if you liked the apple."

"Yeah! It's awesome!"

"See, I was thinking about this whole mooching off you thing," she started, but I interrupted her.

"I told you, it's not mooching," I said. "We're just helping each other out."

"Yeah, whatever," Bella said dismissively. She waved her hand around a bit to make whatever point she was trying to make there. "It's seriously lopsided, but I'm not going to argue about that any more. Anyway, I thought maybe I could even it up a little by doing the cooking."

"Cooking?"

"Yes," she said as she looked through her lashes at me again. I tried not to really focus on her when she did that, because it did funny things to my cock. "I like cooking, but it never seems worth it for just me."

"Cooking," I said again.

"You do realize there's more out there to eat besides veggie burgers and protein bars, right?"

"Sounds kind of familiar," I said with a nod. For a moment, I wondered how she knew so much about my normal meal plan but figured I had probably talked about it a couple of times on our walks.

Bella laughed.

"So, what do you think?"

I was still kind of focused on her sticky lips and had no idea what she was asking me.

"About what?"

"Food. Cooking. Me cook you food." Bella said in short, clipped syllables, and then began to laugh. "Did you zone out on me?"

"Um…sorry," I said. "I guess I'm a little tired."

"Well, what do you think about me doing the cooking while I'm staying with you?"

"I think I haven't had a decent meal since my mom was cooking for me."

"How long has that been?" Bella asked.

I went stiff almost immediately, my back straightening in the chair and my eyes jumping to look out the window – to stare at nothing, and try to make my mind match the blank image in my eyes. I had no idea why I had made that comment. I didn't want to think about, talk about, or even broach a tangent conversation around my family.

"You never talk about your family," Bella said.

I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth. I didn't look at her, and I didn't respond. After a moment, Bella's hand reached part way across the kitchen table but stopped moving as I sat back and pulled away.

"Long time?" she said quietly.

"Yeah," I replied. I kept my eyes looking out the window until I felt a little more in control. My fingers tightened around the neck of the beer bottle, and I quickly tilted it up to my lips to drain it. "We better get this shit finished."

I stood immediately, and Bella was just a fraction behind. She seemed to want to say something else, but I wasn't going to give her the chance. I started cleaning up again, and she took the hint.

Bella wiped down the inside of the refrigerator while I gathered up the apple cores and beer bottles into a big trash bag and hauled it out to the dumpsters behind the building. After tossing the bag into the bin, I pulled a cigarette out and lit it.

The conversation about meals and the mention of my mother had left me on edge, and I didn't want to go back in feeling like that. I didn't let that shit get to me because I just didn't think about it. I didn't want to be thinking about it now, either, but I couldn't help but remember the last meal I shared with my family.

_Breaded veal cutlets, mashed potatoes, and green beans seasoned with those tiny, round onions. Mom and Dad drank wine from crystal glasses, and Mrs. Cope served crème brulee for dessert. No one said a word while we ate, and at the end of it, Dad had dropped his glass heavily on the top of the carved cherry table._

"_When are you going to stop moping?" he snapped._

"_Carlisle, don't," Mom said in a hushed tone._

"_How long is he going to act like this?" He turned abruptly to her while gesturing towards me._

"_I'm not moping," I replied. I shoved the spoon into the crusted top part of the dessert and carved out some of the custard underneath._

"_Well, what else would you call it then?" Dad asked._

"_Contemplating."_

"_There's nothing to contemplate," he said. He picked up the glass again and pointed it towards me. "It's over. Take care of it and get away from that tramp."_

_I dropped the spoon audibly onto the plate and sat back in my chair._

"_No." _

_There. _

_I said it._

_My eyes moved to meet those of my father. The intensity was almost too much, but I managed to not look away from his fearsome glare._

"_What did you just say?" he asked slowly through a tensed jaw._

"_I said no," I clarified. "I'm not going to _take care of it_, at least, not in the way you mean."_

"_How the hell else could you mean it?"_

"_Carlisle…"_

"_Shut up, Esme. This is between the men here."_

_She cringed back a bit and took another sip of her wine. She wouldn't meet my eyes._

"_I'm going to be a father," I said quietly._

"_Not if you expect to live under this roof," Dad sneered. "My roof, my rules. You think you two can survive playing house together without my support? I don't think so. You have no idea what it's like out there in the world."_

_He sat back and drained his glass before setting it down next to his plate and calling for Mrs. Cope to bring back the bottle._

"_Your father is right, Edward," Mom told me in her quiet, no-nonsense voice. "You still have a year of high school, and you can't support yourself and a family."_

"_I guess I'm going to find out," I said. My hands trembled as they picked the maroon linen napkin from my lap and placed it on the table. I stood slowly, glanced once at my mother, and walked out of the dining room and out of the house. The distinctive thumps of my shoes against the stone steps echoed in my head._

"_If you leave here now, you will never be welcome back!" I heard him yell from the front porch._

_Without looking behind me, I yanked open the door to my silver Aston Martin and headed down the mile long drive to the high brick walls and gated entrance that had always shielded me from the world outside. I drove beyond it, leaving behind everything I had ever known._

My hands tightened into fists and ended up crushing the cigarette between my fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the past out of the present before I opened them again and met with the back view of the apartment building.

Cracked wooden shutters in need of paint and repair met my gaze. Crumbled bricks, litter, scrubby grass, and a couple of broken beer bottles lay next to the steps of the back entrance. All around was a high chain-link fence, which seemed to be a common theme in every aspect of my life now.

I resisted the urge to punch the dumpster, because I knew from experience would only break a knuckle. I couldn't afford to do that – I had to be able to work this week. Instead, I drew in a few long breaths, pulled out another smoke, and then hot-boxed it on my way back into the building.

By the time I opened the door, the thoughts were gone from my mind. Bella had finishing up the cleaning and was shoving various toiletry items into Buckingham Billfold. I glanced around at the empty apartment to see if anything was missed.

"I think this is it," Bella said as she walked out of the bathroom. "And forty minutes to spare! I better get at least some of that deposit back."

"You will," I said, trying to reassure her. I had no idea if he ever gave anyone any deposit back, but I could probably stop by and offer a little persuasion.

I heaved the last of the boxes up into my arms, and Bella opened the door for me. We split up long enough for me to take stuff upstairs and for her to return the key to the landlord. I dropped the boxes next to the kitchen table and surveyed the stuff.

It really wasn't much, which was good because there weren't going to be a lot of places to put it. Bella's books took up as much room as anything, and I wondered where we were going to put those since I didn't have any kind of bookcase. I considered the plywood and cinderblock nightstand I made out of shit I found lying around, and wondered if I could use similar materials to make Bella a place for her books.

There was a soft knock at the door, and I went to open it.

"You don't have to knock," I said with a smile. "You live here!"

Bella looked down at the ground and her face flushed as she laughed through her nose.

"Well…I wasn't sure…"

"Be sure," I said. I handed her the key I had made for her and stepped back to let her in.

Bella walked in for the first time, took about two steps inside, and then stopped. She was gripping the massive purse in both hands, and I realized she was probably looking for a place to put it down, but the coffee table was covered in all kinds of crap. Aside from that, one of my jackets was lying in front of her on the floor, and there were a couple of hand weights near her feet, too.

"Um…shit," I muttered. "Sorry – I'll get it cleaned up."

I started grabbing pizza boxes and beer bottles from the coffee table and shoving them into the kitchen trash can. When I got back into the living room, I noticed a stack of magazines on the far side of the coffee table and quickly rushed over to shove the last several editions of Playboy and Hustler underneath the couch.

"I never really have anyone over here," I told her as I scurried around to pick up whatever was all over the floor and potentially just as offensive. "I should have thought about this before…shit…"

I kicked at the corner of the magazines to shove them further out of view and then grabbed some more dishes up off the table. With a couple of plates and cups in my hands, I headed into the kitchen. There were a bunch of dirty dishes all over the place there, too.

"Edward…um…"

"Yeah?" I called out as I started shoving a bunch of dishes into the sink so they at least weren't lying all over the counters.

"You…um…"

"What?" I asked. I poked my head around the corner and saw her slowly shaking her head.

"This place is a disaster."

I cringed as I looked around the room, which I guess I didn't really look at very closely on a regular basis. I knew it was kind of a mess, but I never had company that wasn't someone like Paul or Sam, so I never considered how bad it really looked.

Aside from the pizza boxes, dishes, wrappers, and bottles, there were free weights lying around, a couple of less offensive magazines were on the floor, and there was a stack of junk mail piled so high it was falling over. There were CDs lying around outside of their cases all over the floor by the portable CD player, and stacks and stacks of cases all over the place.

"Yeah," I admitted, "it is."

"I'm going to help you get it cleaned up," she said, and her tone made it extremely clear that there was no room for discussion, and she hadn't even seen the bathroom yet.

The bathroom.

Shit.

Were there come stains on the tile in the shower? Did come even leave stains?

"Yeah, I could probably use that," I agreed. "I'll start in the bathroom."

…

"Well, I feel a lot less like a mooch now," Bella said several hours later. We had completely cleaned up with Kitchen, living room, and bathroom. All the trash had been gathered up, the CDs placed back in their respective cases, and the dishes washed. Bella handed me the last of the plates, which I dried carefully with a towel before placing back up in the cabinet where it belonged.

"I think I'm pretty much feeling like the waste of space so far," I agreed.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you trashed the place just to make me feel better!"

We both laughed, and then Bella poured apple juice into two clean glasses and brought them over to the sparkling clean table.

"I'm really sorry," I said after I took a sip. "I guess I never really thought too much about how this place looked. I should have cleaned it up before you got here."

"It was all kind of rushed," Bella said. "Don't worry about it. It really did make me feel like I was contributing."

"I don't think this place looked this good the day I moved in," I told her.

"How long have you been here?"

"Quite a while," I said. "I moved here not long after I dropped out of school."

"Were you going to Masen?" Bella asked.

"No," I shook my head. "I never graduated from high school."

"Oh…um…I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said. "It was my own decision."

"Why did you drop out?"

"That is way too long of a story," I said. "It's late, and I have to train tomorrow."

"You're right," she said. "I'm sorry – I should have realized how late it was."

"Well, we both keep pretty unconventional hours," I said. "I do, at least. I try to get to bed at a decent hour when I know I'll be training the next day. If I don't, Tanya will kick my ass."

"I try to keep it normal so I can get to my classes," Bella told me. "The earliest one doesn't start until ten o'clock, at least."

"That's good." I looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. "We probably ought to turn in so you're not late or tired or anything."

We both stood, and Bella washed and dried the glasses quickly before putting them away. I had to smile because it wouldn't even have occurred to me. On a good day, I might have put them in the sink.

I led the way over to the hall and towards the bedroom door. As soon as we approached, Bella reached over and opened up the door to the closet, looking a little confused. That's when a sinking feeling came over me. There was a major aspect of this whole arrangement that hadn't even come to mind. Bella stopped and looked from one side of the hall to the other as she slowly closed the closet door.

"Ah…I…um…" Bella stuttered. "I'll just make up the couch then?"

My arms felt like they were full of jelly as I realized what she meant. She had obviously thought the closet door – which she hadn't had in her apartment – was the doorway to a second bedroom. Much like the mess, I hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements at all.

"Take the bed," I told her. I couldn't believe how little I had actually thought about how this would all work out and was a little disgusted with myself. "I'll stay on the couch."

"No, Edward, no," Bella held her hand out in front of her like she was one of the Supremes and shook her head vigorously. "I am not kicking you out of your own bed. No."

"I'm not letting you sleep on the couch," I said emphatically. All I could think about was the stack of magazines I had hidden under there now.

"Why not?" Her hands went on her hips, and I knew from the look in her eye that this was going to be a battle.

"Because it's a piece of shit," I said. "It's uncomfortable and nasty."

_And there's a huge stack of porn underneath it._

"There's no way I'm kicking you out of your bed!" Bella was equally emphatic, but I wasn't going to budge on this one.

"You are not sleeping on the couch."

"Well what other options are there?"

Of course, there was really only one. I swallowed, glanced into the bedroom and then back at Bella. After a long pause, I offered up the only suggestion I really had.

"It's big enough," I said quietly.

"Edward, I…" Her voice trailed off. She also looked from the small bedroom, which mostly consisted of the bed and dresser, and then back to me. At least there wasn't a shit-ton of laundry around. There was only a small pile at the end of the bed.

"I wouldn't…" I started, but wasn't sure how to end. I wanted to reassure her of…of…what? That I wasn't interested in getting into her panties? Because there was no way those words could pass my lips without dead baby angels dropping out of the sky.

She wrapped her arms around herself and continued to look from the bed to the couch over and over again. Her teeth gnawed nervously at her lip, and she rocked from one foot to the other.

"You're not sleeping on the couch," I said again.

"Neither are you."

"That leaves the options a little slim," I pointed out.

"True," she whispered. "But…"

Her voice trailed off, and her fingers gripped her upper arms.

"I wouldn't…" I started again, trying to come up with something I wouldn't do, no matter how much I might want to. I eventually managed to spit out something relatively meaningful. "I wouldn't…take advantage of you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know," she replied. Her tone was off, and I couldn't understand what her expression meant. It almost seemed like she was disappointed in something, but that didn't make any sense.

"We could…give it a try…" It was lame, but it was all I had. We were both obviously too stubborn to let go this time.

"Give it a try," she said quietly, and I wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question, but I swallowed past the lump in my throat and nodded.

"Okay," I said just a little louder. "I'll…um…just…"

I had no idea what I was going to "_um just_" do.

"I'll just get my things and use the bathroom," Bella said, saving me from having to come up with any additional plan, for which I was quite grateful.

Bella grabbed her purse and some clothes from her tattered suitcase and closed the bathroom door behind her. I went into the bedroom and shut the door part way while I tried to figure out what I was going to wear while sleeping.

Next to Bella.

Fuck, what had I gotten myself into? The single bedroom nature of the apartment hadn't even entered my head before we were standing in the hallway. Bella was in the bathroom, probably changing into whatever her normal sleeping attire might be, and I usually slept either nude or just in my boxers.

Hey – it saved on laundry.

Fucking sue me.

Obviously I couldn't do that now, so I dug around in the bottom dresser drawer and came up with a pair of sweatpants I usually wore jogging in the winter. I ripped off my jeans and shirt, pulled them up over my hips, and tightened the string. Then I gathered up the majority of the dirty clothes and piled them in the corner on the far side of the dresser, and then I tried to straighten out the sheet and blanket on the bed.

Thankfully, I always masturbated into a towel and the sheets weren't nasty. I made sure said towel was buried under the pile of clothes.

Shit, what if I woke up with morning wood?

I really hadn't thought through the logistics of this whole arrangement, and I knew I could not freak out now. If I did, Bella would get the wrong idea and decide living here with me was a bad plan. If she did that, she'd end up dropping out of school and going back to that place and those people, and it would be all my fault for not having my own shit together.

Fuck.

Back out in the living room, I sat down on the couch and wondered what else I hadn't considered when it came to having Bella here as my roommate. The bed arrangements and the mess were probably as big an issue as there was going to be. I rarely smoked in the apartment, so I could just take that outside all the time.

Fuck, what if she wanted to cook meat? The smell alone made me want to vomit. That was probably something we ought to talk about. What if she was insistent? I couldn't tell her what she could or couldn't eat, but if this place was hers as well as mine, I couldn't force her not to eat it here.

Fuck again.

We'd definitely have to spend some time tomorrow evening talking about shit like this. It was all so rushed, I didn't think either one of us had thought about the things that might be a problem. It would be best to work them out in the beginning before they became issues.

A few minutes later, Bella came out of the bathroom in a pair of sweats and a T-shirt with a picture of a puppy on the front of it. I stood up from the couch and we both walked into the bedroom together, stopping at the doorway as we tried to figure out who should go in first.

It felt just as fucking awkward as it sounds.

Once we were both in the room, we just kind of stared at the bed for a minute. Or at least, I stared at the bed. Bella was looking all around – taking in the room. It had been the least disastrous area of the apartment, but was now the messiest since we had completely cleaned the rest. Still, it wasn't bad. There were clothes on the floor, but they were at least all piled up in the corner and out of the way. I didn't have a laundry hamper, so I had a decent excuse. The nightstand had a little alarm clock/radio on it and a small lamp. The dresser drawers were mostly closed, and the top of it only had a couple of things on it.

"What are these?" Bella asked, noticing the line of trophies on the dresser.

"High school wrestling," I told her, pointing out the largest. "I was All-State my junior year. The other ones are for Akido, kickboxing, and Tae Kwon Do."

"Wow – you were really good back then, too?"

"I guess."

"You probably would have been able to get scholarships for that and go to school," she said.

I just shrugged.

"Probably could have," I agreed. It just didn't matter now, so I didn't think about it.

"Why didn't you?"

"None of that now." I shook my head. "It's late, remember?"

"Right," Bella said. "So, um…what side of the bed do you sleep on?"

"Um…" I muttered and scratched at the back of my head. "I don't know. I never thought about it. I get in on the far side, but that's usually because I go out the window to smoke before I got to bed."

"You smoke out the window?" Bella asked. "It's the second floor."

"The fire escape where Crazy Alice hangs out is right there."

"Is she always there?" Bella asked in a low voice, as if Crazy Alice could hear her through the window.

"Usually," I told her. "She's supposed to go down and see her social worker or whatever on Tuesdays, but half the time she doesn't go and someone comes out here at the end of the week to check on her."

"You seem to know a lot about her."

"I've talked to her social worker a few times. Crazy Alice won't go near a telephone, so the social worker will call me sometimes to make sure she's all right if she misses her appointment."

"That's nice of you," Bella said.

I shrugged again, and we were back to silence and awkward standing around near the mattress on the floor. At least I had pulled up the blankets so it didn't look too bad, and I had washed the sheets recently during my trip to the evil land of coin operated washers and dryers.

"I guess I'll…um…I'll sleep on this side?" Bella said, sounding like it was a question more than a decision. She indicated the side closet to the door and away from the window.

"Sounds good," I replied. My own voice felt strained as well.

We walked in tandem, each of our feet moving carefully around on the faded, beige, industrial carpet. We sat down on opposite sides of the bed with our backs to each other, and we both slipped under the blanket without looking in each other's directions at all.

I just lay there with my eyes wide open, but Bella must have been exhausted after cleaning both of our apartments. I could tell by her breathing that she was asleep almost immediately. A few minutes later, I knew she was asleep because she rolled over, took the entire top blanket with her, and seemed to latch on to it with some kind of sleep induced death grip.

A blanket hog.

I knew there was a reason I never slept with women I slept with.

Keeping past thoughts from my head was suddenly a difficult task for me. Though I usually had no problems in that department, having a woman so close to me as I slept felt strange and reminded me too much of the past. I squeezed my eyes shut, focused on the tension it created all around my face, and then opened them again, free from the memories. I sighed, pulled the thin sheet up around my shoulders, and eventually dropped off, though not for long.

There were several things that made me think I wasn't really awake. The main reason was the temperature – I was warm. It was always freaking freezing in my room, and I was positively warm all over. There was also this simply fantastic scent that filled the air around me. The scent itself seemed warm, too, and clean and calming and completely feminine.

That part didn't make any sense, unless I was having some kind of wet dream. I didn't fall asleep with women after sex. Usually I would just get up and go home. Something about this felt different, though – not quite as dream like, but still surreal. I was on my left side, and I could feel the heat from another form running all the way down my body.

My eyes opened slowly, and I was met by the serene, sleeping face of Bella.

Wrapped up in my arms.

Somehow, I had managed to roll all the way over to her side of the bed and snuggle up against her side. One arm was up under my head, which was right above hers on her pillow, and the other was wrapped tightly around her middle, holding her body against my chest. I could feel the steady beat of my own heart right up against her side and the warmth of her skin from my shoulder to my ankle.

Shit!

I had told her I wouldn't do anything like this, and here I was practically accosting her in her sleep. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying not to get lost in the scent that must have been coming from her hair. I remembered all the stuff she had in the bathroom at her place that ended up shoved in her purse and wondered which one of the many bottles made her smell so good.

Praying I wouldn't wake her up in the process, I slowly pulled my arm back and rolled over to my own side of the bed. I lost most of the sheet in the movement. Bella's fingers were wrapped around the edge of that now as well. I shook my head at myself, grabbed the slight edge of the sheet I could still reach, and stared at the window glass until I fell back asleep.

I had no idea how long it had been since the first time I woke up, I only knew I was warm and content again. The scent was all over me, and the soft body was turned towards me this time. There was a small hand pressed lightly above my beating heart.

There was also one additional piece that added to the complication – I had somehow managed to get my left arm underneath her. Now I had her wrapped up in both arms, and she was lying with her head resting against my shoulder.

Fuck!

Very slowly and carefully, I extracted my arm from underneath her and gently placed her head back on the pillow. I shifted away and quickly moved back to my side of the bed. I was instantly cold because the blanket was still wrapped securely around Bella and both it and the sheet were pretty much inaccessible unless I moved back to her side of the bed again. I reached up with one hand and ran it over my face.

I was never one to over think things, but how the fuck was I going to deal with this?

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

It's just 'cause she's stealing the blankets...yeah...that's the only reason!

Duh.

I've told you before - all men are idiots.

Next week I shall be at Dragon con at update time. If at all possible, I'm going to try to get everything set up so I can get an update out on time, but I can't swear to anything. I WILL DO MY BEST! I promise! I'll keep you updated through facebook, twitter, the blog - etc.

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	8. Keep the Distance

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! As I type this, I'm getting ready to leave for Dragon Con. More than anything, I'm afraid I'll forget to post this at 10pm on Friday, but I certainly hope not!

Thanks to DK for getting this back to me quickly so I could get it up and ready for everyone!

Enjoy!

**I wanted my cock in her so bad, I could hardly see straight.**

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Keep the Distance**

No matter how many times I woke up and moved away, I kept ending up curled around Bella as soon as I fell back to sleep. Throughout the night and into the early morning, I seemed to be drawn to the warmth on the other side of the bed. I kept moving back every time I realized I was doing it again, but as soon as I fell asleep again, I moved right back to where she was.

I didn't know what to think of it.

When I woke up to daylight coming through the window, I was on top of her pillow, but alone. My right arm and leg were splayed out on Bella's side of the bed, with both fingers and toes hanging off the edge of the mattress.

At least I had the blanket again.

Her scent still covered the pillow and the sheet, though it wasn't as strong as it had been when I woke up next to her. That was assuming I didn't dream all of that shit because I still couldn't wrap my head around why I would do that in the first place.

I rolled myself over, dropped my feet to the floor, and shook my head to ward off the dizziness of sleep. Standing up, I made a quick trip to the bathroom, where my cock was refusing to cooperate with me long enough to pee.

"You won't go up when I want you to," I muttered under my breath, "and you won't go down when I want you to, either. Moody little bastard."

I flushed, rinsed off my hands, and then ran my wet hands over my head and face. The hair on the back of my head was getting a little long, and I was going to have to get it cut this weekend before there was enough there for someone to hold on to and use against me. The top was a little longer, but I always kept the back and sides pretty short.

Moving slowly out of the bath and through the living room, I could hear soft techno-pop coming from the kitchen. When I went around the corner, I saw my CD player up on the table just a few feet from the stove where Bella was dancing around with a spatula in her hand. She wriggled her hips in time to the electronic beat and occasionally moved in to poke around at a frying pan sitting on one of the elements. As she lifted the spatula, I could see the edge of a pancake before she flipped it over and dropped it back in the pan.

I'd seen some seriously hot naked chicks in my time, both on the pages of magazines and in person. I'd seen perfect tits wrapped around my cock. I'd seen fabulously round asses being squeezed between my hands. But I'd never in my life seen anything sexier than Bella right at that moment.

I wanted to bend her over the table right then and there.

I wanted to fuck her on the kitchen floor.

I wanted to take her on the counter.

I wanted to pull her back into bed and show her just what I could do to her.

I wanted my cock in her so bad, I could hardly see straight.

"Good morning!" Bella said as she glanced over her shoulder at me and graced me with a gigantic smile. "I'm glad you're awake! I was afraid I'd have to leave for class before you got up."

I coughed a bit, cleared my throat, adjusted my sweats to make my cock less conspicuous, and returned the salutations.

"Smells good," I said, desperately trying to keep my voice from cracking in the process. "I'm not really used to actual breakfast – where did you get the makings for pancakes?"

Bella gave me a weird look and shook her head a little.

"The grocery store up the block," she said with a giggle.

"Oh yeah." I reached up and scratched the back of my head, wondering how long she had been up.

"You ever been there?" Bella asked with a smirk.

"Of course I have!" I scowled towards her. "I at least have the basics stocked."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" I said.

"Aside from beer and half a pizza in a cardboard box," Bella said as she started counting on her fingers, "your refrigerator contained half a stick of smooshed margarine, three bread heels in the same bread bag – which I do not understand, nor do I want to – one thawed Boca burger, and an unopened carton of rice milk."

"I ran out of cereal."

Bella laughed and went back to flipping pancakes.

The way she moved around the kitchen did something to my inner Ward Cleaver, that was for sure. I could almost see her in a pale blue dress, heels, and pearls as she vacuumed around the apartment. I was quite sure the thought was sexist or maybe even misogynistic, but that didn't stop it from making me hard as a rock.

I had to sit down in the chair at the opposite side of the table and lean forward a bit to keep from being obvious as Bella gathered up orange juice in glasses and plates full of pancakes. There were little bowls of grapes off to the side.

I didn't even know I had little bowls like that.

I realized I had hauled Bella's dishes up to this kitchen, so the bowls could have been hers. I didn't remember any little bowls but I hadn't paid much attention to what had been in the boxes. She hadn't had much that I had noticed. I mean, I didn't have much of anything either, but other than her books Bella didn't seem to have _anything_. It made me wonder briefly just how quickly she had left her former home and how accurate the _escaping in the middle of the night_ scenario might be.

Bella placed a small glass bottle of maple syrup in the middle of the table and sat down opposite me. She watched as I covered the pancakes in margarine and syrup and took a bite.

Then another.

Then another.

Then about twelve more.

"My God, these are incredible!" I mumbled as I shoveled another mouthful into my face. I leaned back in the chair, groaned, and rubbed my stomach before I stabbed another one and downed it, too.

"I'm going to eat like…ten of these," I said as I wiped off my face. "And then I'm going to have to work out twice as long today."

"Watching your figure?" Bella snickered as she sipped her juice. It was good, too – lots of pulp in it.

"Well, I have to stay in my weight class," I said. "I'm right at two hundred and five pounds on most days, which puts me at the top of light heavyweight. If I gain a pound, I'd have to fight bigger guys."

"Is it really so strict?"

"In the bar, not as much," I told her. "But if anyone ever lost and they could show I was over the weight limit, it would definitely create a lot of drama, which would get me in a lot of trouble with Jasper. Tanya weighs me before every match."

"But…you're working tonight!" Bella gasped. "What if you go over? Shit…I fucked this up already..."

"Nah," I said with a half smile. "I was at two-oh-three on Tuesday. I have room to spare. I'll weigh in at training today, and if I'm over at all I'll sit in the sauna a little longer than normal or run an extra mile. It's all good. I can actually drop two pounds in a few hours if I need to."

"Really?" She looked at my skeptically but at least didn't seem to be beating herself up over it any longer.

"Yep."

"That can't be good for you," she scowled.

"I'm sure it's not," I agreed. "I try not to play that game too much, but I did it a lot in high school for wrestling. We did nothing but drink water and eat laxatives until we puked to drop some weight before a match."

"That's kind of sick," Bella said.

I shrugged. I couldn't argue with her – it was kind of sick. I wouldn't go to those extremes now, but at the time it was pretty common. I quickly changed the subject before too much about ancient history was discussed.

"So what classes do you have today?" I asked.

"Microeconomics, statistics, and English," Bella responded. "Mondays and Fridays are my heavy days for classes. I only have two classes on the other days."

"When does that bus pick you up?"

"It's really just a van," Bella replied as she started collecting the dishes and taking them to the sink. "It should be here in about fifteen minutes."

I got up to help, though I was so full I was more tempted to flop down on the couch and fall back to sleep. If anyone felt like a mooch at this point, it would have been me, so I dried and put dishes away as Bella washed them.

Once the kitchen was spotless again, Bella grabbed Medusa's Moneybag and a couple of text books before heading out the door. I crawled out on the fire escape to smoke while I watched her waiting for the van from Masen College to pick her up.

Crazy Alice was already out there, of course, and she picked up her hand to wave with me as Bella boarded the dark red van with the Masen crest on the side of it and headed off. I was surprised at the gesture Crazy Alice had made, and I looked over to study her for a moment. Strangely enough, she looked back to me.

As soon as I made eye contact back she usually looked away, but this time she held my gaze for about three seconds.

"You should fuck her," Crazy Alice piqued.

"Um…what?" I had to have heard her wrong.

"You should take off your clothes and put your penis in her vagina," Crazy Alice said. Her voice was rushed, and all the words strung together. "You should ejaculate in her and then she'll get pregnant, and you'll have a little girl. You can love them, and then you won't be so sad. It feels good, too."

"What the fuck are you talking about, you crazy bitch?" I asked. I didn't think I had ever heard her say more than a couple of words to me at a time, and to have her suddenly start spewing shit about fucking and babies – it was too much.

Apparently it was too much for Crazy Alice, too, because she curled up in the corner of the fire escape and didn't say another word. That suited me just fine – I didn't need her saying that shit. Bella was in school, for Christ's sakes – the last thing she needed was someone poking her fish and getting her pregnant.

I tossed the butt over the side and glared at Crazy Alice as I headed to my window.

"Don't you say any shit like that to Bella," I warned. As if it would make any difference. "She doesn't need to hear any of your fucking lunatic ranting, you hear me?"

She didn't respond, of course.

I went back inside and shoved a few things into my gym bag and shoved any thoughts of Crazy Alice's fucked up speech out of my head. I needed to get to the gym as early as possible. I hadn't gone at all yesterday, and I wasn't really supposed to work out too much on fight days.

Part of my deal with Jasper included a membership to a pretty decent gym near downtown. I had to ride the bus to get there, but it only cost a dollar each way and I only went twice a week. If money was tight for some reason, I'd walk it, but I would be pretty wiped out before I got home.

As soon as I arrived, I went straight for the Nautilus equipment. I started with my legs, back, and abs, and then moved on to my arms. I went through the gambit of machines before heading to the free weights.

I knew most of the guys there, and we shot the shit as we lifted and boasted about how many reps we could do or how much so-and-so lifted last week. It was typical bullshit, but mildly entertaining as well. I was laughing at the mental image of one of the guys who had tried one of those "exercise ball" classes and rolled over onto his ass in front of a room full of chicks, which was when Tanya came in. She was already glaring at me, and I rolled my eyes as she approached and kept my focus on the weights in my hands.

"So you want to explain why you blew me off yesterday?" Tanya asked.

"I had shit to do," I replied. I continued to alternate hands – lifting each weight up to my chest and then back down to my hip again – and didn't look at her.

"What kind of shit?'' Tanya pressed.

"I was helping my neighbor move," I said nonchalantly.

Tanya laughed.

"Since when are you such a do-gooder?"

I just shrugged and continued with the weights.

"What neighbor?" she asked.

I took in a long breath and blew it out my nose. I had the distinct feeling there was no getting out of this conversation with her, so I decided to just spit it out.

"Bella."

More laughter.

"So, was it a tearful goodbye when the damsel in distress moved out?"

Glancing over at her, I narrowed my eyes a little.

"No," I replied. I set the weights down and moved over to the mat on the floor for crunches. "She didn't leave the building – just switched apartments."

"Why would she do that?"

"She lost her job," I told her. "She couldn't afford that place on her own anymore. This shit really isn't any of your business, you know."

"What did you do?" Tanya continued to question me. "Move her in with the nutcase that lives next to you?"

"No." As much as I wanted to get out of this conversation, I knew my delay tactics weren't going to work on her. Tanya had a knack for knowing when I was stalling, and she always managed to cut through the bullshit. As I glanced up at her, I saw her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised, so I gave up. "She moved in with me."

Dead silence for at least twenty crunches.

"She did what?"

Tanya dropped her chin and looked out at me from the top of her eyes as I brought my elbow up to touch the opposite knee, then hit my back to the mat, then did the other side.

"Moved in with me," I repeated without pausing in the sit-ups. Tanya continued to just stare at me until I finally stopped and rested my arms over my knees. "What?"

"You let a chick move in with you?"

"Yeah."

"You," she stated as she pointed a finger at me, "_Evil Eye_ Cullen, let a chick move into your apartment."

I couldn't help but notice the other guys had gone a little quiet and were listening intently to the conversation. Fucking awesome.

Note sarcasm.

"She needed a place to stay," I responded with a shrug. I hauled myself up and headed over to the heavy bag to throw some punches, which was also out of ear shot of the rest of the muscle-heads. Tanya moved to the opposite side and braced the bag for me.

"And you figured you'd just let her move in with you?"

"Yep." I slammed a fist into the bag, spun in a circle, then hit with the other hand.

"So you are fucking her," Tanya stated.

"I am not," I corrected through grunts as I punched. "It's not like that. She's not like that."

"You have a one bedroom apartment," Tanya said, as if I hadn't noticed.

Well, I guess didn't notice right away.

"Where is she sleeping?"

"In the bed," I said with another shrug.

"With you." The smile on her face was starting to piss me off. "So you are sleeping with her."

"We slept in the same bed," I growled before slamming my fist hard enough into the bag to knock Tanya a little off balance. "I'm not _sleeping_ with her. I told you – she's not like that."

Turning away from her, I moved over to the weight bench and sat down. Tanya walked up to me slowly, still smiling.

"I bet your balls are the color of the sky," she said with another laugh.

"Nice," I mumbled as I lay down on the bench and braced my hands on the bar.

Tanya moved behind me and signaled to a big guy with arms about the size of my thighs. She helped me lift the barbells up, but he took her place to spot me. As soon as she let go, I knew why – they were fucking heavy, and I had difficulty with the first press.

"What the fuck did you put on these?" I gasped.

"Three fifty," she replied. "So when are you going to admit that you're into her?"

"Fuck you," I hissed as I brought the bar to my chest and pressed up again. It was a good twenty five pounds over my usual max, and it wasn't easy. I could barely speak. "You…trying…to kill me here?"

"You can handle it," she said. "You need to move up. You let that little shit get in too many hits Tuesday night. Need to pump you up a bit."

I lost count of the repetitions as I closed my eyes and forced myself into that place in my brain that didn't recognize pain. Before too long, the spotter was taking the bar from me and smiling a nearly toothless grin.

"You're getting there!" he told me.

I rolled my eyes and sat up, rubbing at my shoulders.

"Let's weigh you," Tanya commanded and then led me over to the scales. I rolled my shoulders a couple of times as I stepped up on the scale and watched the digital display crawl up. "Two-oh-four-point-seven."

"All good, despite breakfast," I said with a grin.

"Breakfast?"

"Pancakes."

"She cooks, huh?"

I nodded.

"You stay away from that heavy shit on fight nights," Tanya scolded with a shaking finger in my face. "And take it easy the rest of the day – fruit and water only. I want you ready to kick ass come ten o'clock, not dragged down by _pancakes _or muscle fatigue."

I ignored her and started to head for the showers in the lower part of the gym, and she followed like the kinky fuck she was. The room was totally concrete and used to be for fighters when the gym was dedicated to boxing matches. There wasn't much to it, just a few shower spigots along one wall and some rusted lockers on the other. I looked over my head at the retro sign hanging on the post next to the wall that read "Boxers and Mgrs only – All others keep out."

"Are you my manager now?"

I took a big swig from my bottle of water, which dribbled down over my chin and cooled my neck. I took a few deep breaths to relax myself and then began to pull the tape from my hands. Once that was done, I was ready for a shower. Tanya stood there watching me while I dropped my clothes to the ground.

"Why don't you just tell me you like her?" Tanya asked. "Or are you refusing to tell yourself?"

I flipped the shower up to warm and stepped into the stream.

"I told you – it isn't like that."

"What is it like, then?"

I turned my face into the water, then stepped back and shook droplets from my hair. Ultimately, I didn't want to talk about this, but I also knew when my pit-bull-like trainer wasn't going to drop her grip. I ended up yelling over the noise from the water as I lathered up.

"She…she thinks of me like her big brother, you know? I'm just trying to help her out. She's never lived in a city before, she doesn't know anyone, and she's all on her own. She doesn't need my shit complicating her life."

"So you figure you'd invite her to live with you."

"I didn't know what else to do," I admitted. I rinsed, shut the water off, and grabbed one of the towels in a stack next to the shower. "She was going to move back home – quit school and everything. I didn't want her to have to do that."

I rubbed a towel over my head and then shook out my hair again. Inside my gym bag were clean boxers and a T-shirt, which I pulled on quickly as the chilled air began to permeate my skin. I was going to have to turn the heat on this weekend – I was sure of it.

"Holy shit," Tanya muttered under her breath from her position up against the wall. She leaned heavily on the door frame and shook her head slowly. "You have no fucking clue, do you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You want her."

"It's not like that," I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. I shook my head again. "I told you – she just needed a little help, and I-"

"Went all _big brother_ on her."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Except _big brother_ wants to fuck _little sister_."

"Nice," I growled up at her. I yanked on my jeans and boots before I sat back down and started shoving stuff back in the bag at my feet. I moved my knees apart and leaned over so I could shove everything back inside.

"You won't even admit it," Tanya continued to push.

I sighed and leaned back to look up at my trainer and friend.

"For the final fucking time, Tanya," I snarled, "it is not like that with us. It shouldn't be like that for her anyway."

"Like what?" Tanya asked. She tilted her head to one side and waited for me to give her a better answer. I thought it was fucking obvious.

"What she needs is not what I have to offer," I said. "Even if she was interested in me, she wouldn't be interested in the dead-end life around here. She's in school, trying to make something of herself. She's a transient, and anything I do to encourage anything between us would affect that status."

Tanya seemed to think about that for a minute before she took a couple of swift steps closer to me and stood right between my legs. She shoved at my shoulder until I was sitting upright again. With her standing and me sitting, she was just slightly above my eyelevel.

"Look at me!" she snapped. Like I usually did when it came to her barking, I obeyed immediately. "You look at me and tell me you aren't into her. Tell me you don't want to be fucking her like a goddamn stud-bull. Say if given the chance, you wouldn't take her in a heartbeat. Tell me her cooking fucking _pancakes_ didn't make you hard as hell. Go ahead. I dare you."

I swallowed as I tried to hold her gaze. I couldn't even win the staring contest, let alone speak any of those words without my tongue falling right out of my face.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Tanya stepped back. "Are you lying to yourself, too, or just me?"

I shook my head briefly.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I was serious, though – it's not like that. She's not looking for a fuck buddy, and I'm not going to get _involved_ with someone, so what difference does it make?"

"Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why not get involved?" Tanya asked.

My skin went cold.

Every muscle tensed at once.

I stopped breathing.

My eyes clouded over with images of blood and meat and…

"Why not?" I repeated. A moment later I was on my feet and shoving her backwards. For once in her life, Tanya had the good sense to back away from me as I started screaming. "Why not? _Why not?_ Are you fucking kidding me? You of all people? How the fuck can you just stand there and ask me _why not_?"

"Easy, Cullen," she said. Her eyes were wary, but honestly the little explosion was already having an effect on me – calming me. She started to take a step forward, but I shook my head sharply and she stopped.

"It's ancient history," she said quietly.

"That doesn't change _anything_." My voice was hard, cold, and barely recognizable as me. I backed up slowly, watching her stand perfectly still as I did. Once I sat back down on the bench, I let out a long breath.

She looked down at me, and her eyes changed slightly. They softened a little and actually looked somewhat sad. She took a step backwards as she continued to look down at me and then let out a long sigh.

"Maybe it's time for you to take a chance again," she said quietly before turning around and walking out of the showers.

…

"You want me to go with you?" Bella asked quietly. There was hesitation in her voice, but I didn't understand why.

"Yeah – why not?" I asked. "I mean, it beats hanging out here all night, right?"

Tanya's words had been bothering me all afternoon. It was very rare for her to actually make any kind of comment about any woman who was ever in my life, though the vast majority of those didn't last past round two. I had spent a lot of time trying to figure out what her angle was and why she seemed to be pushing me towards the young woman who was – in a thousand different ways – way too good to get messed up in my life.

She had promise. She had potential. She had a future.

I didn't have shit. Much more importantly – I didn't give a shit about not having shit.

Or something like that.

Whatever.

I watched her closely as she furrowed her brow and considered whether or not she wanted to come to the crappy bar down the street and watch me beat up some random guy in a cage. It was obviously not something she had really considered before, and she didn't seem to know how to answer.

"Well?" I asked as I glanced up at the clock. "I need to head over that way, and if you don't come with me, you ain't goin' at all. I don't want you walking there on your own."

"So…it's like a game, right?" Bella asked. Her tone was unsure, and her eyes watched mine carefully.

"Well, it's a _sport_," I said. I wasn't exactly sure what she meant by a _game_.

"I've just never seen anything like that," Bella told me. "I still don't know how you can do anything inside that tiny cage-room-place."

I laughed at her description.

"Well, if you came and watched, you would know."

She hesitated and contemplated for a moment, then finally agreed to go.

"Cool!" I said with a smile. As soon as she agreed, I realized how much I wanted her to be there – to see me work. To see me at my best. "Let's get rockin'!"

We made it there quickly, my pace a little faster than usual as we headed down the street. I was excited to have Bella there, watching me work, and I was actually looking forward to the fight that hadn't even begun yet. I didn't typically get excited until I got into the cage.

Inside the bar, there were already people packed just about wall-to-wall. I didn't have a lot of time to talk to people before I had to get ready, but I tried to chat with a few of them as I got Bella set up near the bar where she could have a good, unobstructed view of the cage. Paul was also close by, and I made sure he was going to keep an eye out for her while I was fighting. The last thing she needed was some drunk asshole fucking with her while I was indisposed.

"I'm fine – really," Bella said as I made sure she liked the froo-froo drink Jasper had made for her. It had to be a daiquiri sort of thing and looked like more fruit than alcohol. Hell, he might have made it a virgin drink, and she probably wouldn't have known the difference.

"Okay, well – I gotta get ready," I told her. "Just hang here – you got the best seat in the house. I'll come find you after I beat this fucker."

I grinned, but she just narrowed her eyes a little and looked at me sideways. Once I was in the locker room, I changed into my green trunks and taped up my feet. Tanya came in and taped my wrists, but she didn't say much of anything. I knew I had strained things a bit that afternoon, but I put it all from memory.

You can't be upset about shit you don't think about.

After she left, I stretched and waited for my cue. It came quickly, and I was pumped and ready for it.

_Hier kommt die Sonne_

My song started playing, and I moved swiftly out of the locker area, up the ramp, and into the roar of the crowd.

_Die Sonne scheint mir aus den Händen  
kann verbrennen, kann dich blenden_

I raised my arms up over my head and balled my hands into tight fists. I spun in a circle, flexing my back and listening to the screams from the audience. I leapt forward at the fence in front of me, snarling at the guy on the other side and pounding against the metal a few times to add to the show.

Tanya escorted me into the cage, felt me up, and then brought in the other guy. As soon as the caged door slammed shut, he was on me. I felt a good punch to my side, which was definitely hard enough to bruise. I blocked the next two but let him come forward and get comfortable with what he thought was advantage.

He was quick and threw multiple punches at my face as I backed against the cold metal. I slammed a fist into his chest and a knee into his gut. He grunted, and in retaliation he grabbed a handful of hair at the back of my head and yanked me forward, and then threw me back. Shouts came from all directions as he stepped back and threw a kick at me.

Big mistake.

I had a hold of his ankle, and twisted his whole leg to the side, nearly turning him completely upside down before dropping him to the mat. My body followed, landing on top of his with my knees in his gut. With the wind knocked out of him, he slowed down quite a bit and his punches lacked the fervor that had been behind them only sixty second ago.

"Not ready for me, are you?" I snarled through what was probably a rather maniacal smile. I punched knuckles down into his face and watched the blood flow from his nose. His fingers reached for my shoulder, and I felt distinctive tapping against my skin.

Jumping off the mat, I waited for Tanya to reenter the cage and raise my hand above my head, calling out my victory to all those around. With bright eyes and muscles still enflamed with raw energy – I searched out Bella's table.

As soon as I looked up and saw Bella sitting there at the edge of the cage, her arms wrapped around herself, I could tell right away that something was wrong. I pushed past Tanya and headed out, beyond the fence that kept the fighters away from the customers during the battle, and over to where she sat, ignoring people's attempts to get my attention.

"What is it?" I asked over the bar sounds of music and laughter. I moved quickly to her side and looked down on her. Her eyes were red. "What's the matter?"

"I…you…oh my God," she gasped. "How badly are you hurt?"

"Me?" I questioned. I reached up and tried to find blood coming from somewhere, but I didn't think he'd drawn any. I brought my hand down and looked at my fingers just in case, but they were clean. "I'm fine."

"But he…and you…" She couldn't seem to get any words out, and I could barely hear her above the noise, so I pulled her back down to the locker room with me and shut the door to the sounds.

"Bella, I'm fine – really."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I had to laugh.

"Positive – look." I spun around in a circle with my arms spread out. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Really?"

I shook my head a little, surprised and maybe even secretly thrilled that she was showing concern for me, and this hadn't been a bad fight at all. Little wisps of fantasy bobbed around in my head, and they included images of Bella softly kissing bruises and fussing over cuts.

"I don't have anything to hide here," I said as I glanced down my body, which was clad in only my trunks. Still high from the fight and realizing that she cared, the next words just came out with a cocky grin but without any real thought behind them at all. "I can show you the rest if you want to be sure."

Bella's eyes went wide, and I watched her throat bob as she swallowed. Her tongue darted out over her lips, and her cheeks flamed red as I realized just what I had said. My own tongue wet my lips, and I considered just making a move, consequences be damned.

At that moment, Tanya burst through the door. She stopped short, eyeing us both briefly before crossing her arms and glaring at me.

"There are about twenty people out there waiting to talk to you," she scolded. "What's the holdup?"

She eyed Bella and then looked over to me with a roll of her eyes.

"You two going to be long? You are still working, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," I dismissed. "I'll be out in a second."

Tanya threw one last look at Bella before she walked out.

"Look, I-"

"I don't want to hold you up," Bella said quickly. "Go on – talk to your...um…fans or whatever."

I took a long breath in and then let it out with a huff through my nose.

"Yeah, I should," I agreed. "I need to shower first."

"Oh…um…right," Bella stammered. "I'll just go back to that table then?"

"I'll be out soon."

I watched her walk out of the locker room, then quickly dropped my trunks and showered. I was feeling really unsettled, and I had to spend a minute clearing my mind before I could walk back out to meet anyone.

I was swarmed as soon as I walked out, and I understood immediately why Tanya was a little insistent on getting me out there. The place was more of a madhouse than usual, with people from all over the place lined up to talk with me about my techniques, favorite holds, and my opinions on one martial art versus another. I chatted, smiled, and even accepted a couple of drinks before I finally managed to get back over to where Bella was sitting. I nodded to Paul, who was relatively close to her and keeping most of the animals at bay, and dropped down in the seat opposite Bella.

"So, what did you think?" I asked. I was hyped up from the fight and the attention, and I knew I was beaming like the village moron just waiting to hear her opinion.

"It's not what I thought it would be," she said quietly.

"What did you think it would be?" I asked. I leaned my elbows on the table to get a little closer so I could hear her.

"Um…more like boxing, I guess?" she stated. "I thought there would be a referee or something, but there didn't seem to be any rules."

"Not many," I agreed. "That's why I like it."

"He grabbed you by the hair," she said. "Is that allowed?"

I shrugged.

"Incentive for me to get a haircut." I was still grinning, but as I watched her eyes, the smile left my face and it was replaced with a lump in my throat and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"It's brutal," she said as she eyed the cage.

I knew by the look in her eyes what she really meant. She didn't know what the fighting was going to be like before she saw it. She didn't know there would be bloodshed and mayhem. In her mind, this wasn't the same as watching me protect her from a group of thugs or from her asshole ex-boyfriend – this was different.

She didn't like it.

Sitting back against the back of the chair, I brought my drink up to my lips and drained it. Each and every tiny option I had let creep into my mind since the conversation with Tanya early in the day quickly expelled itself from any realm of possibility.

I was a fighter. It wasn't just a matter of making a living – it was a way of life for me. I loved it. I loved it, and I would never, ever consider doing anything else, and Bella would never want anything to do with it.

Her next words pretty much sealed my thoughts in granite.

"How can two people just do that to each other?" Bella asked softly. Her eyes stayed on the cage. "You don't know each other – you've never wronged each other. Why? Why would you do that for…for…for what?"

She turned to me, and our eyes locked together.

"Is it just for the money?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"No."

"You really do like being in there, don't you?" she clarified.

I could only nod.

"Doesn't it…hurt?" Her eyes became intense and filled with unshed tears, and I could sense her need to understand.

"It makes me feel," I said quietly. I nodded my head towards to chain links. "Inside there, I'm alive."

"And the rest of the time?" she whispered.

"I'm just…_existing_."

Everything I had told Tanya rang through my mind again. There was no way I was a good match for Bella, even if I was inclined to consider taking a chance on another actual relationship. She would never be all right with what I did for a living, and it was the only thing that had kept me sane for nearly a decade.

I had to forget the very notion.

I was never one to try to attain the unattainable, but I still found it hard to let go.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

As DK said...sad panda.

I was afraid I wouldn't get this ready before Dragon Con, but now I am honestly more afraid I'll be too wiped out to get the next chapter done in time for next Friday. Fingers crossed! Hope to see you next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

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**

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	9. Set the Rhythm

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Hello again! Yes, I survived Dragon Con, and had an absolutely wonderful time meeting up with old and new friends! Despite the shenanigans, I managed to get a little writing done as well, so I'm on time again! Woot!

Thanks to DK for her up-to-the-wire beta reading! Deeper Water will have some questions for you on the Caged reading group later - don't forget to check them out! Link is on my profile!

Here we go!

**"Bean balls?"**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Set the Rhythm**

Walking home was a lot quieter than our walks had been in the past. I wasn't in the mood, and Bella just seemed to be in some kind of deep thought or something. Unlike some of the times we had spent a block or two in silence as we went from home to work or work to home, this one felt very uncomfortable to me.

Bella had definitely not liked the fight. No doubt about that at all. I was pretty sure that's what she was thinking about, and I was also pretty sure I didn't want to know the details.

Back at the apartment, I opened the door and held it for Bella. She smiled up at me as she walked in, but there was no sparkle in her eyes like there was when she usually smiled at me.

Bella collected her sweats and T-shirt and headed into the bathroom to shower and change. It was freaking cold in the place, and I decided to break down and turn the heat up. In the hallway, the little thermostat read sixty-two, which I bumped up to sixty eight and listened to the fan kick on.

Maybe it would keep me from trying to spoon my roommate after I fell asleep.

My clothes fell to the ground, and I pulled a pair of sweat up my legs. Glancing at the ground and rolling my eyes a bit, I kicked the dirties into the pile in the corner before hauling myself out the window for a smoke.

Crazy Alice didn't look at me, and after all the bullshit she was spouting the other day, I didn't even say hello to her as I leaned against the rail and watched ash fall to the ground below me. She didn't say anything either, though she kept making little huffing sounds out of her nose.

Back inside, Bella was done in the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the bed, wrapping her separated hair into braids.

"Hey, I was thinking," I said as I scratched at the back of my head and just looked off to the side of her. "Maybe it would be better if I was on the other side of the bed. I do think I prefer it."

"Sure," Bella responded. She used a little black twisty band to hold the end of her hair in the braid and tossed it over her shoulder.

She got in on the side closer to the window this time, and I got in closer to the door. The whole side of the bed still smelled like her, and I was already pretty sure it was going to work out just fine. That is, until Bella asked for her pillow back, and I reluctantly handed it over and accepted my own in exchange.

It still smelled like her a bit, but not as much.

Rolling to my side, I faced the door and tried to hold onto the edge of the blanket as tightly as I could. I could feel Bella right behind me, situating herself into a comfortable position and tugging slightly at the blanket as she did so, but my grip did not falter. She let out a long sigh and seemed to be comfortable and still.

For the longest time, I just lay there with eyes open, watching the partially closed door to the bedroom and wondering just what the fuck I was doing.

Just a few hours after I finally dozed off, I woke up warm, content, and surrounded by that heavenly scent. I knew exactly where I was and what I was doing, and didn't even to pretend to think it was a dream.

The length of my body was lined up flush with hers, and my arm was wrapped around her waist. My fingers curled over the swell at her hip, and my thumb had found its way inside the hem of her shirt and pressed lightly into her warm skin there.

My eyes opened, and her face was so peaceful and serene, it took my breath away. Her head was tilted slightly towards me so that her forehead was pressed into my shoulder. I had again managed to get my arm underneath her to complete the embrace and make it really damn hard to move away.

I didn't want to, anyway.

For some time, I just watched her. For the most part, she was just still as she lay in my arms, but sometimes her fingers would twitch a little or her eyes would move under her lids. I watched her chest rise and fall and tried not to think about how easy it would be to spread my fingers and reach up to touch her breast.

To keep myself from even considering it anymore, I pulled my hand from her side and used it to brush a stray piece of hair that had escaped from the braid off of her forehead. With a quiet sigh, I dug my arm out from under her and rolled back to my own cold side of the bed.

An hour later, I did the whole thing again.

…

We fell into what I guess was a routine of sorts. Bella had classes through the week and spent her evenings studying. Every morning she made breakfast, though she kept it a little lighter fare than she had the first day. She told me she'd make pancakes on Sundays, since I should have a couple of days to recover from all that bread and syrup. I'd run daily, workout with Tanya every other day, and fight Tuesdays and Fridays.

Bella didn't come back to the bar to watch me fight again, but she was also claiming it was just because she had to study for midterms. I wasn't surprised that she came up with the excuse, but I had hoped she might at least give it another try. Tanya tried to ask me about it, and I offered to take her into the cage to put a final end to her questioning.

She glared but left me alone.

I was taking my morning run and swinging around the single tree in a sea of concrete Bella still hadn't seen, when I noticed a guy hauling a bunch of shit out of one of the buildings and tossing it up into one of those large industrial dumpsters. The contents of the large cart he was pushing caught my eye.

"Hey, dude!" I called out as I altered my course and jogged easily over to him. He had graying dark hair and kept coughing into his hand.

"Damn dust," he muttered as I approached. "They don't pay me enough for all this dust. Probably asbestos in there, too."

He pointed his thumb over his shoulder and towards one of the abandoned warehouses.

"You just throwing this out?" I asked him.

"Cleaning out the old ball bearings place," he said. He looked me up and took a step back, looking tense. "There isn't much left in there, and they said just to haul whatever was there out. I ain't stealing anything.

"I just wondered if you were going to pitch the wood," I said. "If you are, I was going to take it."

His shoulders relaxed a little.

"It's just going in the dumpsters," he said. "Once it's in there, it's fair game, I guess."

A few minutes later, I had several pieces of plywood and a two foot section of a two-by-four over my shoulders. I didn't head directly back to the apartment, but took the alley way over to Feet First instead.

It was way too early for the bar to be open, but I pounded on the back entrance until Siobhan opened the door.

"Edward!" she scolded. "What are you doing out here?"

"Do you have a hammer and some nails around someplace?" I asked. "I want to build something."

She eyes me up and down a bit, shook her head slowly, and opened the door wide.

"There's a toolbox in the kitchen," she told me, "but you can't take all of that in there – there is no room for it. Take it to the locker room, and I'll bring the box."

I offered to go get the box myself, but she waved me off and muttered about not being all that old or something like that. I shifted my load from one shoulder to another, and then hauled it all downstairs. I lay the pieces down on the cement floor and looked them over.

There were four decent sized and mostly flat pieces of plywood, and the section of two-by-four was a little over two feet long. I tried to picture what a bookshelf looked like in my head and thought about that Tangelos game my Dad used to play with me when I was a kid. You would get all these different shaped pieces and have to fit them together into a certain shape, and you'd try to do it as fast as possible. Taking scrap and making serviceable furniture wasn't too different.

Siobhan brought a large tool box down the stairs, dropped it at my feet, and asked if I wanted lunch. I declined politely before I began to rummage around the box. Hammer, nails, a hack saw, sandpaper – I didn't think I would need much more than that.

I spent the entire afternoon sawing, hammering, and sanding. I Cut the two-by-four into eight small pieces to serve as feet and tops, and then shaped the plywood into four similarly sized pieces. They weren't perfect, but when I started putting it all together, it worked out pretty well and at least stood up straight without wobbling.

It was definitely useful, but it didn't look like much.

"I made you a sandwich," Siobhan said as she pushed open the door and dropped a plate down in front of me. "You've been down here for hours, and I know you have to be hungry."

"Jasper'll be pissed."

"He's not in yet, and I doubt he's going to take close enough inventory to miss a couple slices of cheese and bread."

My eyes moved up to hers, and I gave her a smile.

"Thanks," I said. "I am kind of hungry now that you mention it. What time is it?"

"Nearly five," she replied.

I nodded and looked at my little project a bit more. It needed a lot more sanding.

"Are you taking up a new hobby?" Siobhan asked, snickering. "Joining a book club?"

"Nah," I said with a head shake. "I got a roommate, and she's got a lot of books. My apartment doesn't have a bookshelf or anything, so they're still in a couple boxes. I saw this shit…um…"

I glanced up to the older woman, who had her hands up on her hips as she stared down at me.

"Stuff," I corrected, "in the dumpster. I thought I could make it into a place for her books."

"Edward Cullen!" Siobhan declared. She placed her hand over her chest. "Do you have a lady friend?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Roommate, Siobhan. That's it."

"Hmm…" she murmured as she turned around and headed back up the stairs.

I wolfed down the sandwich and went back to sanding. Siobhan came back a few minutes later to collect my plate, and as she did, she handed me a small can.

"Not sure if there will be enough," she told me as she walked back out. "But it's a pretty color blue, and we don't need the extra paint for anything."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I stared at the little can in my hand before tilting it from side to side to try to determine how much was left. It was a quart can and maybe half full. I thought that would be enough to cover the bookshelf pretty nicely, but I'd definitely have to get it sanded down better first, which meant I wouldn't be able to get it done today. Bella was going to be back home from school within an hour, and she told me she was going to try some new vegetarian recipe she found in a book she got at the college library.

Bella did not just cook pancakes. She could make most anything, and had been trying out various vegetable oriented dishes to cook for me, though I told her she didn't have to. She continued to state that it was her part of the living arrangements, so she was going to learn to cook what I would eat.

I cleaned up the mess I had made and set the little bookshelf up in the corner farthest from the shower. I wasn't sure if humidity would do anything to it or not, but it seemed like a good idea. I made it back to the apartment with about ten minutes to spare before the Masen College transportation van rolled up in front of the building.

"I have to run to the grocery," Bella announced as soon as she got in the door. "I found another new cookbook at the library, and it's perfect."

She yanked the giant-ass, full-sized cookbook out of Black Hole Briefcase and flopped it down on the kitchen table. She flipped through the pages of the vegetarian focused book and came to a recipe for Swedish Bean Balls.

"Bean balls?" I asked skeptically.

"Look at what's in it – I think it might be good."

I looked over the list of ingredients – kidney beans, rice, onions, breadcrumbs – and nothing sounded bad at all. The book said to put it all over mashed potatoes with some vegetarian gravy. I wasn't really sure what it would all be like, but I said I would at least give it a try. Bella wrote down a list of things to buy, bitched about me giving her the cash for it, but eventually relented and took it.

I glanced over the recipe again and was glad I didn't have to fight for a couple of days because it was going to be some heavy stuff. Tanya would probably want to kill me if she saw me eating a big pile of mashed potatoes and gravy.

Since Bella was going to be gone for a while, I jumped on the opportunity to head into the shower and take care of business. I'd always had pretty regular daily jerk-off sessions, and having Bella living with me had certainly made that a little difficult. Waking up spooning her every night didn't help, either.

What also didn't help were the images in my mind whenever I took my dick in my hand.

It wasn't even a matter of trying to think about her; as soon as there was flesh-on-flesh, her face was in my mind. The chick from my favorite porno getting a split roast no longer did a thing for me – I only thought of Bella's eyes, Bella's lips, and Bella's body as I ran my hand up and down my shaft.

I closed my eyes as the water poured down my shoulders and back. The fingers of my right hand curled around the base and dragged slowly up and over the tip, while the left hand reached down to cup my balls. In my mind, I lay her down on the bed and lifted one leg up over my shoulder before slowly sliding into her. Her head pressed against the mattress, and her back arched as she moaned out my name.

"Oh yeah," I mumbled. "That's it, baby – take it…"

My hand moved faster over my shaft, and the Bella in my head moved rhythmically against the sheets with my thrusts. I could see my hand reaching to caress a breast, stroke the nipple, and pinch at it. I thrust faster, Bella cried out again, and my legs shook as the buildup exploded over my hand before being washed away by the shower stream.

"Fuck," I muttered. Even standing there in the shower, I felt like I needed a shower.

After I got myself back under a little control, I washed my hair, which didn't take much since it was nice and short thanks to a coupon Bella found for me at the grocery store. There was a little haircut place a few blocks away that had just opened, and it only cost me five bucks. I turned around a couple of times to get all the soap off of me, then turned off the water and climbed out.

The line of little bottles Bella had on the shower ledge called to me – I really wanted to know which one made her smell so good – but I kept my restraint. Something about sniffing her shower products seemed pretty creepy. Tempting, but creepy.

Back in the bedroom, I poked around in the bottom dresser drawer trying to find some clean boxers. The pile of laundry in the corner was now being shoved into a laundry bag Bella brought up from her old apartment, but it was starting to hang out the top. Bella had her dirty clothes in a plastic laundry basket. Since I had done a crappy job of putting shit away after the last laundry trip, I couldn't find crap and decided to just forget it.

I turned to grab my jeans, which were already laid out on the bed, which was the exact moment Bella turned the corner and walked into the room.

"Oh my God!" Bella screeched as she simultaneously covered her face with her hands, turned bright red, and tried to get back out of the room without sight. She banged into the wall a bit but managed to get herself out of the room.

I had to laugh, not just because the sight was pretty damn funny, but also in relief. If I hadn't just jacked off, just the knowledge that she was looking at my dick would have probably brought him to attention pretty quickly.

Moody little bastard.

I pulled my jeans up over my legs and buttoned them. When I walked back out and into the living room, Bella was on the couch with her head in her hands.

"I am so sorry!" she cried without looking up. "I didn't know you were changing. I wasn't trying to…to…"

"Bella, relax," I said with another short laugh. "Fuck, Tanya's always walking in on me, and she doesn't even have the decency to look away!"

"I just…I mean…I didn't know…" she stammered.

I walked around her and sat down on the other side. I had spent way too much time in the cage being mostly naked to really be concerned about any chick seeing my cock, and I didn't want her to be upset about it. There was also that distinctly porn-initiated male side of me that just wanted to yank it out and let her get to know it really well, so she would know for sure that it didn't bother me.

That line of thinking was going to have to change pretty quickly, refractory period be damned.

"It's okay," I told her. "Really! No big deal. Shit like that is bound to happen when you live with someone, right?

"You aren't mad?" Bella asked as she peeked at me through her fingertips.

"Not at all," I said. "I would have closed the door; I just didn't realize you were back already."

"I just got here," she said, and I was relieved to hear it. Hopefully that meant she hadn't heard me in the shower with my dick in my hand. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," I repeated.

She dropped her hands but wouldn't look in my direction. Her shoulders moved up and down a little as she seemed to be trying to get herself together again. Eventually, she sighed heavily and then stood up.

"I'm going to make dinner," she announced.

"Need any help?"

"No – I'm good."

She went into the kitchen, and I just watched her. For the most part, we seemed to be comfortable living in the same space together, but there were definitely some things that caused a bit of tension. Bella kept her clean clothes in her suitcase, refusing all my offers to empty a couple of dresser drawers for her. It bugged me, partially because she was just so damn stubborn about it, but also because it made the whole arrangement seem more transient than I wanted to believe. Even in the short amount of time she had been there, I found myself enjoying the company. I had pretty much lived on my own since I left the house where I grew up, and having someone else around was pretty nice.

Our lives just seemed to…_mesh_.

She was a morning shower kind of person, and she got out whatever she was going to wear and took it to the bathroom to dress. I showered after running, and I would usually just change my own clothes quickly while she was in the bathroom. She made breakfast and supper on most days, but was usually either in class or studying at lunchtime. That worked fine, too, since those were my usual workout times. We both kept late hours, and though she didn't come back to watch me fight after that first night, she always waited for me to get home before she went to bed.

Every night, I woke up at least a couple of times to her warmth and scent surrounding me. Usually I would just watch her face for a while as she slept, and then I would shift back to my own side of the bed. No matter how many times I moved away, I ended up close to her again. In the morning, she was always up before I awakened and usually in the kitchen making something.

I loved watching that woman cook.

That thing I had always heard about guys looking for a woman like their own mothers is a bunch of bullshit. I was pretty sure my mother didn't even know what part of the house contained the kitchen. I kept the TV on most of the time when Bella was cooking, but I always leaned way forward so I could watch her. She put a tray of little round things in the oven, and just her bending over did weird things to the pit of my stomach. Every time she pulled a spoon out of a sauce pan and used her finger to get a little taste of what she was cooking, my dick got hard.

There had to be something seriously wrong with me.

"Ready to eat?" Bella called, startling me from my fifties television show fantasies. She was smiling and wiping her hands on a towel, and I had to excuse myself to "wash my hands" before we ate.

After we were done eating Swedish Bean Balls, I still had no idea what they were, but they tasted fantastic. Conversation with Bella during dinner was also easy and flowed without effort from one topic to the next. We talked about her classes, technology, the landlord, politics, and the state of the neighborhood where we lived until the leftovers were cold and I had managed to down about four beers. By then, it was late and time for bed.

The only thing that was still weird and awkward was getting into bed together. It was most likely just in my own head because all I could do was think about how I was going to wake up with her in my arms at some point. I'd watch her sleep for a while, and I was fairly certain I had her face completely memorized.

That night was no different.

I woke to my nose pressed lightly to the back of her neck and my arm wrapped around her stomach, holding her back against my chest. Somehow, my hand had actually slipped underneath her shirt, and my fingers twitched to stroke softly over the bare skin of her belly.

Inhaling, I closed my eyes again, basking in the scent from her hair and skin and realizing that if I splayed out my fingers, the tips of them could touch the curved undersides of her breasts. I had to stifle a groan as I spent a moment being overwhelmed by the combination of the fragrance in my nose, the soft feeling of her skin on my fingers, and my engorged cock pressed tightly against her backside.

_Shit!_

I had to grind my teeth together to keep from screaming it out loud as I quickly extracted myself and rolled over to the other side of the bed. My feet swung over and touched the floor, and I quietly launched myself out of the bed, out of the room, and into the bathroom.

My hand was down the front of my sweats before I could even get the lid to the toilet up. Inside my brain, the scenario from the bed continued with the added memory of feeling her skin and the pressure of her ass on my cock. My real hand gripped and pumped at my cock, while the one in my imagination moved up, stroking over her breasts as my lower body shifted to push inside of her from behind.

Semen coated the edge of the toilet seat and part of the underside of the lid. I leaned against the back for a moment as I tried to catch my breath, then wiped it all off with a piece of toilet paper. My fingers dug into my eyes and rubbed for a moment while I realized that little bit of clean-up wasn't going to be good enough. I found a washcloth and doused it in water and soap, cleaned the toilet off more effectively, and tossed the cloth onto the corner ledge of the shower.

This was all so fucked up.

…

"The color looks perfect," Siobhan remarked as I checked to make sure the paint had dried on the bookshelf.

It ended up about three feet high, two feet wide, and a foot deep with four shelves for Bella to house her books. It wasn't pretty by anyone's standards, but the paint brightened it up and it would at least do the job for which it was made.

"I think it turned out all right," I said, tapping the back of one of the shelves with my fingers. "It seems to be pretty much dry now, too."

"Are you going to carry it home?" she asked.

"Not much of an option there," I said with a crooked smile.

"How about you put it in the back of my car and I drive you?" the cook suggested. "I'm done here until this evening. I have the time."

"Really? That would be sweet – thanks!"

I put some newspaper down on the back seat of Siobhan's beat up old Ford and placed the bookshelf on top of it. I climbed into the passenger seat of the musty smelling car and rolled down the window.

"So tell me about this roommate," Siobhan said as soon as the car started moving. "What's her name?"

"Bella," I replied.

"Is she pretty?" Siobhan asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"And do you like her?"

"For fuck's sake," I growled. "How many times do I have to tell people it's not like that?"

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye as she pulled out into the street.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "It's just that everyone keeps assuming I'm doing her."

"I didn't assume anything," Siobhan stated. "I just asked if you liked her."

I huffed out my nose.

"You did make her a bookcase," she pointed out. "You must not hate her."

"I like her fine," I replied.

"Well, tell me about her, then."

I reached up and scratched the back of my neck.

"She's smart," I said. "She's studying economics."

When I didn't say anything else, Siobhan prompted me for more.

"She's a great cook – you'd like that," I told her.

"You don't eat my cooking so much anymore, I noticed that."

I laughed.

"That would make living with someone easier," she said with a nod. She turned the wheel and headed down and around the block. "Have you ever had a roommate before?"

"Not really," I replied with a shrug. "I mean, I lived with Tanya for a couple weeks when I was kicked out of my apartment, but that was temporary, ya know?"

"That's when you first started working for Jasper, right? When you first started fighting?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Well, getting paid for it, anyway. Tanya got me the job. I don't think it would have occurred to me that I could beat people up for a living."

I laughed once.

"You were living on the streets for a while there, weren't you?"

"For a bit," I said with another shrug. I swallowed hard and stared out the window.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Siobhan said. "I spent quite a bit of time living out of my car back in the day."

"Oh yeah?"

"After my husband walked out, I didn't have a job. No education, no experience – I thought I would always be a housewife. I couldn't pay for the house anymore, and he was just gone, so I took the kids to live with my parents in the country while I looked for work here. It was a while before I found something that would let me actually pay for a place. Jasper took a chance on me, just like he did with you."

"Whatever pays the rent, huh?"

"Oh, I like what I do well enough," she said. "My kids are all grown and moved off now, but you lot make good substitutes. My kids stayed with my parents for some time while I was working things out – they deserved better than I could give them then."

I nodded, and Siobhan turned the last corner and parked in front of the apartment building. I jumped out and lifted the bookcase from the back seat.

"Pie in the sky blue! Sky blue!" Crazy Alice started screaming from the fire escape.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Ignore her," I said to Siobhan, "she's a nut."

I placed the bookshelf gently down on the walkway and turned to thank Siobhan for the ride.

"Don't you worry about it," she said. "It was my pleasure."

"It made the trek home a lot easier," I said with a smile. "I'll see ya tomorrow night."

I turned to pick up the bookcase and drag it up the stairs, but she stopped me.

"Oh, and Edward, dear," Siobhan reached her arm out the window as she called back to me. I walked back over to the car and leaned against the roof with one hand. "You deserve better, too, you know."

She patted my arm with her fingers and then drove away with me standing there in the street and watching her go. I let out another big sigh, picked up the bookcase, and headed inside.

I had to move the stand that held the television over a bit to make room for the bookcase along the wall. Once it was situated, I opened up the first box of books and tried to arrange them in some kind of order on the shelves. Most of the books were fiction books – lots of classics, a couple of romance novels, and some Stephen King. It was kind of a weird combination, but none of it really looked like crap.

Well, except for the romances.

There was some non-fiction mixed in – stuff that was probably for her classes or whatever. I put those on the bottom shelf since they were bigger books and the bottom shelf was a little taller than the other two. For the most part, I just arranged them by size.

I sat back when they were all on there and admired my work. With the books on it, it really didn't look too bad. The paint made all the difference, and I was going to have to thank Siobhan for it again.

I was just standing up and dusting off the top of the shelf when I heard the door open and Bella come in. She noticed the bookshelf immediately, and her eyes showed her surprise.

"Where did you get that?" she asked.

"Around," I said with a shrug. I couldn't help but smile as she walked over and looked it over. "It's not very pretty or anything, but at least you don't have to dig around in those boxes anymore."

"It's perfect, Edward!" she exclaimed.

Before I knew what was happening, she had turned and thrown her arms around my neck. A moment later, I felt the light press of her lips against my cheek, and I was relatively sure all the organs in my body turned to liquid and congregated in my feet.

"Thank you so much," she said softly as she pulled away. Her cheeks had flushed, and I found myself clenching my fists to stop myself from just jumping her right there and fucking her on the floor. My tongue felt thick, and it was hard to take in a breath. I could still feel the coolness of the moisture her mouth left against my skin.

"No problem," I finally managed to say after swallowing a few times.

Bella smiled, then turned and knelt down in front of the small shelf. She started poking around at the books and talking about how much easier it would be to find what she was looking for, but I didn't hear a word of it. I just stepped away until I felt the back of my knees hit the couch, and then I sat down heavily. As soon as my head stopped spinning, I went outside for a smoke so I could get myself back together again.

I lit the cigarette and rubbed my fingers into my eyes. Crazy Alice was up above me, hollering out across the street at the guy who was waiting at the bus stop. Apparently she was pretty sure he was her mother, because she kept talking about being inside of his womb.

Fucking nutcase.

Then again, who was I to judge? Considering how crazy Bella was making me, I might have been about ready to join Crazy Alice and start screaming at the neighbors.

I was fucked.

…

Deep water kind of warmth and heaviness covered me as I slowly regained consciousness without actually opening my eyes. My backside was chilled, and I was pretty sure Bella had rolled over on the blanket again. My front was nice and warm, though, so I knew I was pressed up against her body in a totally inappropriate, absolutely inexcusable, and completely delectable way.

I didn't want to wake up and roll away from her, especially considering there was no way I would be able to get the blanket back from her again. Once she got a grip on it, it was a death grip, and I would sooner go into her purse looking for Tic Tacs than try to get it away from her. Besides, both my arms were around her again, and it was damn hard to get the right one out from under her when she was asleep. I had no idea how I managed to get it there in the first place, but about half the times I woke up I would have managed it.

I took a deep breath and tilted my head up a bit, skimming the tip of my nose over her temple and into her hair. If I lived with her for the rest of my life, I probably still wouldn't understand how she could smell so good. My breath rushed out my nose, and I pulled back a little so I would be able to look at her face at least once before moving to my own side of the bed.

My eyes opened, and I found myself staring into the bright brown irises of the woman in my arms.

Even the warm parts of my body chilled.

For a long moment, all I could do is just look at her and try to comprehend. I knew something was very, very out of place, and I knew I had ultimately been caught with my hand in the cookie jar or whatever, but I didn't really know what I was supposed to do about it now.

Oh yeah – apologize and make it look like an accident.

"Oh…shit," I mumbled sleepily. "I'm sorry, I…"

I started to pull my arm out from around her waist but paused when I saw Bella smile and felt her fingers grip around my forearm. In the moonlight from the window, I was pretty sure I could see the flesh around her cheekbones darken, and the sight halted the beating of my heart.

"It's okay."

"I didn't mean to…um…" I started pulling my arm back, and my fingers graced over her stomach, but I stopped again when I felt Bella tighten her hold on my arm and shake her head in quiet laughter. My eyes drifted down to where her fingers coiled around my arm and then back up to her face.

"Edward, you do this every night," she stated.

Tensing again, I tried to determine what the best course of action would be at this point. I wasn't awake enough to be thinking clearly at all, and I wasn't coming up with any kind of grand plan, that was for sure. What I did manage to get through my thick skull was that she did not seem to be upset at all.

"I do?" I responded softly.

"Yes, you do."

"Shit," I muttered. I didn't know if I should confess at that point or not. "I wasn't trying…I mean, I didn't mean to-"

Bella shook her head slowly before turning her eyes back to me. She looked at me through her long lashes, and her cheeks tinged with her blush.

"I don't mind," she said.

"You don't?" God, I sounded like an idiot. I wondered if I had completely lost the ability to form a coherent sentence. I hoped she would realize I wasn't normally a brain dead moron in bed.

God, I wanted to show her what I could be like in bed.

I looked back to her face, and what I saw in her eyes stopped all such thoughts. They were tight, her jaw clenched, and I could feel her hand trembling slightly against the skin of my arm.

"When I first moved here," Bella said in a whisper, "I couldn't sleep at all."

Her fingers gripped my arm a little tighter, and her eyes moved to the window for a moment before she turned back towards me and seemed to just focus on the top of my arm.

"The noises outside – the car alarms, and the sirens, and the…the…"

She took in a sharp breath and shifted forward a little, pressing against me more.

"The _shots_."

I glanced at her, and my brow furrowed at her expression until I realized what she meant.

There were a ton of gangs of kids only a handful of blocks away, and they were always going at each other. Sometimes they had all out fucking wars, but a lot of the time they just took pot-shots at each other, too, usually around four in the morning. When I first moved there the gunshots would wake me up as well. After so many years, they only woke me up now if there was a shooting in the building, and that hadn't happened in a while.

Bella took several more breaths, and I felt her fingers relax. She glanced at me, but then quickly looked away again.

"Since the very first night I moved here, I hadn't been able to sleep," Bella continued. "I probably didn't sleep more than half an hour the first night I lived in this neighborhood, and probably never slept more than three hours total any of the other nights. I just couldn't."

Her eyes still didn't move back to me but remained trained to my upper arm. Her fingers moved over the edge of the muscle there.

"It was even worse after that night we met," she said. "I don't think I closed my eyes for days. I kept seeing them closing in on me."

She finally looked back into my eyes.

"I was too scared to sleep," she admitted quietly. "But with you…holding me…I feel safe."

Without hesitation, my arm wrapped back around her, and my fingers took their place against her side. The arm underneath her lifted slightly so I could pull her a little closer against my chest. Her hand slid farther up my arm and held tight to my bicep.

"You _are_ safe," I stated simply.

I was never one to cuddle, but I wasn't about to let go of her now.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Do we get a big "awwww" instead of sad pandas this week? Happy THoA Horas again?

Mr. Savage claims I wrap arms around his head and generally take over the bed while sleeping. I tell him I'm just cuddling, but he doesn't seem to get it. :)

See you next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	10. Toe the Line

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! Huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed - I really appreciate it! Big thanks to DK for the beta reading, and Deeper Water for providing the questions for the reading group (link on my profile!).**  
**

And now, tape up your hands and feet - it's fight night!

**"Using that phrase is so unstylish it can't cramp anything."**

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Toe the Line**

The shit just got weird after that.

During the day, things went on just as they had been. Bella cooked and went to school. I ate and worked out. The nights when I wasn't working, Bella usually made dinner and she would study while I pretended to watch television but really just watched her.

Then we'd go to bed.

Things would start feeling really tense right before our usual bedtime. Bella would gather up her homework or books or whatever and shove them into Chewbacca's Carry-on so they'd be ready to go the next day. I'd go out on the fire escape for a smoke and then sit around on the couch and act like I had something to do. Eventually we'd look at each other, and one of us would mumble something about it being time to go to bed.

Bella would take her sweats and a T-shirt into the bathroom while I changed in the bedroom, then we'd be all awkward and tense as we got into our respective sides of the bed. She'd usually smooth the blankets evenly across the bed – as if I was ever going to touch them again – I would turn off the light, and we'd both lay back on the pillows for a minute.

As the dark crept around us, we moved to the center of the bed.

I would usually raise my arm up and over her shoulders, and she would settle against me with one hand on my chest. My other arm would wrap around her center, and I would pull her closer to me. At that point, I could feel her relax into me as I eased against her. Our eyes would close, and we'd both be asleep moments later.

As weird as it would start out, it was still the best part of the whole day.

It was even better than breakfast pancakes.

It was like a little soft cloud of utopia. I didn't wake up any more at night, which I guess had been because I was feeling guilty about touching my little sister-slash-roommate when I thought she didn't know it. I was getting the best sleep I could remember getting in years, and Bella seemed pretty happy about the whole arrangement, too. As long as I could keep the morning wood away from her ass, everything was good.

If she did ever notice any of that, she didn't let on.

Not that everything was absolutely perfect. There were certainly a few points of contention. I was really bad about closing doors. I think I just lived alone for so long it didn't occur to me a lot of the time. I left the bathroom door open when I was in a hurry to pee, and I left the bedroom door open when I changed clothes. Bella didn't walk in on me too many times because she developed the habit of just yelling at me from another room instead, just in case.

She wasn't completely peaches and cream, either. I found out on several evenings that Bella did indeed have a bit of a temper, which I had suspected before. There was something about her getting all riled up about various issues that – I have to admit – turned me on. Typically it had to do with some injustice she learned in her classes or over someone being rude to her in one way or another, or something just unexpected happening that didn't fall into her plans.

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, she started before she was even completely inside the door after returning from school. I could hear her stomping in the hallway before she even had her key in the lock.

"It's supposed to be the damn Thanksgiving holiday!" she was grumbling to herself as the door opened. "How can someone do that? I mean, really!"

"Something wrong?" I asked, like a complete and total fool. I knew it would get her going, and I was counting on it. Sometimes her tirades were better than porn.

"Something wrong? _Something wrong_?" she bellowed. "Yes there is something wrong, as a matter of fact. My English professor, Doctor Banner, is a total fucking asshole, and I hate him!"

I managed to keep my balls by _not_ making meowing sounds right at that moment. I knew this particular kitten had all her claws.

"What'd he do?" I asked. I rubbed my hand across my face to hide any signs of amusement.

"He assigned a paper due the class right after the Thanksgiving holiday," she told me. "I'll have to spend the entire weekend writing it!"

"Total dick," I managed to say without laughing.

"He is!" she agreed. She tossed Colossus' Rucksack on the kitchen table and started digging through it. I leaned forward from my position on the couch so I could see what she pulled out. I still didn't trust that thing and had even had a couple of nightmares about it. I'd probably seen too many horror movies about serial killers who kept body parts in big trunks or bags or refrigerators and shit. Not that I thought Bella was capable of something like that, but the bag was big enough and full of enough shit that I was quite convinced anything could be in there.

"Well, at least you don't have to go to campus for a few days," I reminded her. Her shoulders slumped a little, and she pulled out a couple of books, a notepad, and some pens from the bag on the table. She turned around, and her expression had changed.

"I was all caught up," Bella said with a big sigh. Her anger diminished, and for a moment she just looked tired and sad. She dropped down on the couch and seemed to deflate. "I needed some time off. Midterms just about killed me, and I still don't know what to even cook for dinner tomorrow."

"Don't bother," I said. "I don't eat most of what's on the typical Thanksgiving menu anyway. Last year I got take-out Chinese."

"Seriously?" Bella asked with a raised eyebrow. "That is _not_ a Thanksgiving dinner. I found some recipes; it's just…not very cheap."

"So we'll make something else," I suggested. "I'll even help, if that doesn't scare you too much."

Bella snickered.

"It does, actually."

"Well, you could still make something easy," I said. "Sandwiches and chips are perfectly fine with me."

"I can probably make apple pie at least."

My mouth started to water at the thought. The apple pie thought led me to think of another Thanksgiving dinner and how the menu pretty much fit in exactly with my level of culinary skills.

"You make apple pie," I said, "and I'll make all the rest."

She eyed me for a minute.

"You're serious?"

"Serious." I leaned back against the couch and put my arms up over the top of the cushions. My arm wasn't quite around her, but it was kind of close. "I'll take care of dinner, you do dessert and get that paper done so you can relax the rest of the weekend."

She still seemed pretty skeptical, which was probably warranted, but she agreed to the plan.

…

The smell of apple pie consumed the whole apartment by midmorning. In the kitchen, the scent was even stronger, and trying to gather up all the stuff I had bought at the grocery for our special "Thanksgiving" dinner while being tempted by the pie was not easy.

I wanted to just shove my whole face in it.

"Hey, Bella?" I called out.

"Can I come back in there yet?" she asked.

"No!" I replied. "No entrance until I'm ready! I was just wondering if you could get the blanket from the bed. We're going to need it."

"The blanket?" she repeated. "Did I hear you right?"

"Yes, the blanket!"

"Why?"

"No questions!" I dropped my voice low. "Just do as I demand!"

I could hear her chuckling as she went into the bedroom, and I put the last of the stuff into the paper sack I got from the store before rolling the top edge up a bit. I didn't want Bella seeing what was in there before we got to where I wanted to take her.

"Got the blanket?" I yelled into the other room.

"I have one," she replied.

"Cool!" I said. Grab the pie and let's go!"

"Go?" Bella asked. She came around the corner with the blanket from the bed rolled up under her arm.  
"Where are we going?"

"To have Thanksgiving dinner!" I told her. I gave her a big, goofy smile. "Duh!"

"Am I supposed to follow you blindly?" she asked. "Or do I get to know where we are going first?"

"I was thinking I would show you where that tree is" I informed her.

"What tree?" she asked.

"You know – you said once that you missed trees and shit," I replied with a shrug. "I told you there was one in the neighborhood."

"_Trees and shit_?" Bella giggled.

"You know – green shit." I shrugged again.

Bella pressed her lips together, but the edges still curled up.

"So, there really is a tree?" Bella asked with a laugh. "I thought you just made it up!"

"There really is one," I assured her. "It's not that far."

"How far?" She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.

"Well…um…close enough to take our Thanksgiving picnic there."

"Thanksgiving picnic?" Bella looked down to the sack in my hands, and then moved her eyes back up to mine before smiling broadly. "I think that sounds pretty nice."

We gathered everything up and started the walk to the tree along my running path. It took a while to get there, but when we did arrive, I knew it was worth it.

The tree wasn't very green anymore and had about half of its golden-yellow leaves still on its branches, while the other half lay all around the little patch of dirt and weeds surrounding the trunk. I had no idea what kind of tree it was, only that it was thin and usually not something you would consider pretty at all. But with the yellow leaves all around it, the scene really didn't look too bad.

The main thing was, I could see Bella smiling.

"It ain't much," I admitted.

"It's perfect," she told me. She spread out the blanket, and we both sat down on it. I pulled over the paper sack and held it close to me so she couldn't see in. First I took out two heavy paper plates, which I swiped from _Feet First_, and a couple of napkins. I handed them to Bella, and she laid them out in front of us. Then I started bringing out the actual food.

Buttered toast. Pretzels. Jelly Beans. Popcorn.

Bella busted out laughing.

"Oh my God, Edward!" she said through snickers. "Did you make Charlie Brown Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Yep," I replied. I was grinning like a nut and glad my idea had worked. It's not like I could have really cooked anything, it still counted as tradition in a warped and cartoonish kind of way, and she didn't have to worry about going to any trouble.

"The tree is the perfect match for this," Bella said. "When we first came up here, I thought it kind of looked like the tree from Charlie Brown Christmas!"

"Maybe in a couple weeks we can come up here and decorate it," I suggested.

We laughed, ate our feast, and talked about all our favorite Peanuts characters until it got dark. With the exception of Bella's pie plate and the blanket, the rest of the stuff was trash and went into the nearby dumpster by the abandoned warehouses.

"This dumpster is pretty handy," I remarked offhandedly. "Got me wood for your bookcase, and now I don't have to carry all this shit back to the apartment."

"Wood for the bookcase?" Bella tilted her head to one side to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"Oh…um…" I hadn't really paid any attention to what I was saying. I never said where the bookcase came from because I really didn't know what she would think of her bookcase being made from a bunch of trash. She seemed to like it, and I hoped this wouldn't taint her view. "Yeah, I um…I found the wood to make it here. There was this old dude cleaning out one of the factories, and he was just throwing the wood and shit away, ya know? He said I could have it."

"You…you made the bookcase?" Bella said quietly.

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "Siobhan at _Feet First_ gave me the paint."

"Siobhan?"

"She cooks there," I said. "She likes to think she's everyone's mom. She's been working there since the day Jasper bought the place, supposedly."

I stopped rambling and glanced over to see her wipe her eye with the back of her hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Fuck, she didn't like shit that was made from trash. I should have kept my fucking mouth…

"I had no idea," she said as she quietly interrupted my thoughts. "I didn't know you _made_ it; I thought you just found it."

She stopped in her tracks, and I did the same. Once again, I felt her arms around my neck and her lips pressed against my cheek.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered close to my ear. "I had no idea…none…"

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes again.

"You are so incredibly sweet," she told me, and I had to snicker a little.

"Tell the guys I work with that, will ya?"

"No, they scare me."

"Scare you?" I questioned. "Why would those guys scare you? I wouldn't let them touch you."

"I'm not scared for _me_," she corrected, "I'm scared they are going to hurt _you_."

I pondered that thought the rest of the way home.

…

The very best days were Sundays because I didn't work or workout and Bella usually had all her schoolwork done on Saturday. She would just read or we would watch a movie on the borrowed cable. In the afternoon, she did grocery shopping with whatever money I had for that and did a much better job of coming up with actual meals on a budget than I ever did. Her cooking was awesome, and Tanya was starting to give me shit about hovering too close to my maximum weight. I'd gone over twice in the past couple of weeks, and it was pissing her off.

Being Tanya, she had to choose a Sunday to cross the line about it.

Bella had made some kind of casserole dish with rice and broccoli in it. I ate about four servings and then lay on the couch holding my stomach, thinking I was probably going to die and deciding it was all worth it. Bella just snickered and told me she'd take care of the dishes, too, since I was barely able to move.

I probably would have just fallen asleep, if it hadn't been for pounding at the door.

"Uggghhh…"I groaned as I hauled myself off the couch to see who was there. I opened the door to Tanya's soured face, which immediately soured my mood. "What do you want?"

"Checking in on you," she replied as she walked past me. "You did say if I didn't think you were eating right I should just come by and check."

Fuck – I did kind of remember saying that. Now she had totally called my bluff.

"You could have called first," I mumbled before I sat down. Once I was back on the couch, I couldn't stop the additional groan out of my mouth.

"What the hell did you eat?"

"I have no idea," I admitted. "It was fucking awesome, though."

"Damnit, Edward!"

"Come on, Tanya," I moaned. "I don't fight for two more days. Nothing but fucking iceberg between now and then."

Actually, the thought of a salad at the moment sounded pretty awful. Even a glass of water wasn't appealing.

"Bella!" Tanya snapped as she headed towards the kitchen. If I could have moved, I would have gone after her. "You have to stop feeding him all this crap!"

"Leave her alone," I muttered, but if someone were to ask, I would have to admit it was half-hearted. For starters, I was too stuffed to move again or do anything else about the inevitable confrontation. There was also the demented guy part of me that kind of wanted to see what would happen between the two of them if left on their own to duke it out, so to speak. Not that I thought Tanya would hit Bella – I knew she wouldn't – but a verbal battle could be just as interesting.

Bella seemed a little taken aback at first and just looked at Tanya with wide eyes.

"Don't you know how to make a fucking salad?" Tanya was asking her.

I hated salads, and Tanya knew it. She was always trying to force me to eat that shit anyway. I was a vegetarian, not a fucking rabbit.

I watched Bella's eyes narrow, and I was glad I wasn't wearing something confining, like my tight jeans. If I was going to be honest, I hadn't worn those jeans recently because they were a little tighter these days than they used to be. Anyway, Bella's hands balled into little fists as she stuck them on her hips and took a step forward. Watching her do that made my cock strain to get out of my sweats, and I could feel my mouth turn up into a smile as I watched her move up to the woman who had just invaded her kitchen and practically insulted her cooking.

This was going to be interesting.

"Excuse me?" Bella's voice was succinct and breezy, like it was traveling on a puff of air. I was pretty sure that puff of air was going to feel like it just escaped from a furnace in a minute.

"I said, _stop feeding him all this shit_!" Tanya roared as she waved her hands around in the general direction of the kitchen table.

Bella's eyes narrowed further, and I held my breath as she took another step closer to my trainer – a woman who easily had twenty pounds of muscle over her. Bella had to tilt her head up to look Tanya in the eye, but it wasn't stopping her.

"I'm sorry – I know you are Edward's friend," Bella started, "but frankly you can just go ahead and yell at him if you want to, not me! I just cook it; he's the one who eats it!"

"Oh yes!" Tanya snorted. "We'll just leave it up to _Mister Self Control_ over here, shall we?"

"Fuck you," I growled.

"Does the term _enabling_ mean anything to you?" Tanya snapped at Bella.

"I don't even know what the hell you are talking about!" Bella yelled.

"I don't want him making himself sick again, or fucking _worse,_ for the sake of his goddamned weight class!" Tanya screeched. She pointed a finger at Bella's chest. "You are doing that to him!"

"I most certainly am not!" Bella corrected. "And if you want to point fingers, there's someone over there on the couch who happens to be a grown man!"

"Grown man my ass," Tanya growled.

"Tanya, for fuck sakes!" I finally shoved myself off of the couch and moved over to where the two of them were toe to toe.

"You have any idea what he does to lose weight fast?" Tanya was saying.

"No, I do not," Bella said. As Tanya's words got through her head, all the ire was suddenly directed at me. "What does she mean, sick again?"

"Ah, fuck!" I turned around and headed back to the couch.

"Want to know?" Tanya sneered.

"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at her. I'd had enough, not just of her assumptions, but the bringing up of ancient history nobody needed to know anything about. "And while you're at it, get the fuck out!"

"Do you want to go back to that again?" Tanya asked with her arms crossed in front of her chest. The movement emphasized her biceps. "Because if you do, I'm not dragging you back. I'll tell Jasper to fire your ass."

I glanced at Bella, saw the confusion in her eyes, and knew there was nothing good coming of this in the slightest. What was an amusing little cat fight had turned itself into something that I found extraordinarily uncomfortable.

"Get out," I said again. My voice was no longer raised, just blunt. "That's not happening, you hear me?"

"I've heard that particular song from you too many times," Tanya responded.

"Go," I spoke again as I pointed at the door.

"Weigh in tomorrow," she said, and her tone didn't leave any room for argument. "I'm going to start watching for change, not just going over two-oh-five. You start fluctuating a lot, and I'll fuck you up. Then I'll bench you until you get your shit together."

"Whatever," I mumbled. "Get out."

The nonchalance was a total act. I definitely could not let Tanya push me out of the cage – I needed the money now more than ever. I was actually thinking about seeing if she could find me another fight sometime during the week because the cost of two really was quite a bit more than one. Food was about the same because Bella was better at budgeting that, but the water bill had doubled, and the electricity was a little higher, too. I had also helped Bella cover the last couple of books she needed, though she swore she was going to pay me back. It all equated to me being broke. The few hundred dollars I normally kept for emergencies was down to about twenty bucks.

"We're not done here," Tanya said with a shake of her finger – pointed in my direction this time. "Don't you dare be late tomorrow, either!"

She left without another word, and my ass found its way back to the couch.

"What did she mean, make yourself sick?" Bella asked as soon as the door closed.

"Nothing," I said. "She just exaggerates."

"That didn't look like exaggerating," Bella said. "She's really pissed off."

"It's nothing," I repeated. I tried to lay back down on the couch, but she wasn't falling for it.

"Edward, don't bullshit me." Bella came over and sat down on the couch, pushing my knees a bit so there was room for her. "What did she mean by all of that?"

As I looked up at her, for the very briefest of moments, I considered telling her the truth.

Then I thought better of it.

"Nothing you haven't heard before," I said. "I told you what I used to do – fasting, running until I puked, laxatives – all that shit. It makes you sick if you do it too much. Tanya always gets pissed off if she thinks I'm doing that. She just worries too much, that's all."

Bella's narrowed eyes looked me over, and I did my best to hold my gaze steady. She seemed about to start questioning again, so I quickly piped up.

"If she had actually walked in when I was shoving my face full of that stuff she probably would have broken the dish over my head! It still would have been worth it because your cooking is awesome."

Her lips smashed together and she held in a laugh as she stood up and headed back to the kitchen to finish up the dishes. Feeling guilty about the out-and-out lie I had just told her, I forced myself to my feet so I could help. She didn't mention Tanya or what she said again, and I relaxed as we cleaned up and watched a bunch of shit on TV before we got ready for bed.

Awkward time again.

I straddled the window sill to smoke. It was cold outside, and I was only in my sweats and a light T-shirt. Even Crazy Alice had brought out a sleeping bag for warmth. She was sitting with it all wrapped up around her, a stack of cigarette butts in front of her, and the soft lyrics of _Kumbaya_ coming out of her mouth.

I kept quiet, hoping she wouldn't decide to sing any louder. Her singing voice was fucking awful. One night last spring she decided to sing the entire first _Wham!_ album in the middle of the night, and I almost called the cops myself.

Bella came out of the bathroom just as I was finishing up and climbing back in the window. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered a bit.

"Sorry," I said. "I probably should have just walked outside – I wasn't thinking."

"No, no," Bella dismissed. "I don't want you changing how you do things just because I'm here. I'm in the way enough as it is."

"You aren't in the way," I told her, dismissing the comment.

She huffed out her nose but didn't respond to my remark. We both climbed into bed with silence and without looking at each other at all. We always started out on our backs, though neither of us ever fell asleep that way. I fluffed up my pillow and leaned back against it. After a few deep breaths, I reached my arm up and across the top of her pillow, and Bella moved over to rest her head on my shoulder.

"There is a job that just opened up at the library on campus," Bella said as she settled against me.

"Oh yeah?" I replied. She hadn't really mentioned looking for jobs as she studied her ass off for her midterms, but I figured she would start looking before too long. It was going to be a lot easier with both of us bringing in money, even if she only worked a few hours.

"I was thinking I would apply for it," she said. I felt her shoulders rise into a shrug. "It seems to pay all right, and if I can get enough hours I wouldn't be in your hair anymore."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I asked.

"If I can get enough hours, I can get my own apartment again and I wouldn't have to keep mooching off of you."

"You aren't," I told her _again_. "You do all kinds of shit around here to earn your keep."

I snickered a little.

"I cost you money," she stated.

"Not much," I shrugged. "And you do a lot for me."

"It's not money, though."

"I don't need it," I lied. "It's all good."

"I can't be in your way forever!" she insisted.

"You aren't in the way," I insisted right back at her.

"I have to be able to support myself on my own," she said.

"Says who?" I asked. "I bet if you checked some stats on it, you would find most college students are not living on their own."

"Most college students have Mom and Dad paying for the dorm."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, "but those who aren't on campus are living with roommates, and even those in the dorms are usually sharing a room."

My logic appeared to be working.

"I don't want to be a burden," she said softly.

"You aren't," I told her.

"You said you had always lived on your own though," she reminded me. "I have to be…_cramping your style_."

I laughed.

"Using that phrase is so unstylish it can't cramp anything."

"That made no sense at all!" Bella laughed. "Maybe you need to do a little studying with me – at least read some of my English books."

"Nah," I said. "I rarely have to rely on loquaciousness in the cage."

Bella lifted her head to look me in the eye with raised brows.

"You dropped out of high school?" she asked for clarification.

"Being a dropout doesn't mean I'm stupid," I said.

"Obviously."

She put her head back down on my chest, and I pulled her in a little closer before speaking again.

"Get the job if you want," I said, "but you don't have to move out. It will be easier for both of us if you stay, with or without a job. Besides I…"

My voice trailed off. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say that wasn't going to equate to wanting to get between her legs, even though that wasn't the real reason. Well, not all of it anyway.

"You what?" she asked quietly when I didn't continue.

"I'm used to you being here now," I admitted. "It's nice to have someone to talk to and someone to watch movies with me. I don't want you to leave."

Well, that remark put it all out there.

"Okay," she finally whispered. "If that's what you really want, I'll stay."

I hoped my relief wasn't too obvious.

"I also don't want to go back to subsisting on cheese sandwiches and breakfast cereal."

Bella laughed and playfully smacked my chest.

"Ow!" I cried out as I grabbed her hand and held it flat against my skin. I could feel my heart pounding through both of our hands. "No beating the pillow."

"You make a good pillow," she said.

I had no idea how to respond to that, and Bella didn't seem to be inclined so say anything else, so we dropped into silence. Mostly I was just glad she didn't seem to be planning on leaving quite so soon anymore. Maybe now she would actually unpack something.

I wondered if I could find some stuff to make her a dresser, too.

…

A damn good left hook sent me to the floor on my back.

A second later, there was a big black guy with a long, dreaded goatee on top of me, slamming punch after punch into my face. I kneed him, kidney punched him, and tried to get a leg wrapped around him so I could flip us over, but most of my efforts were going to protecting my head.

The guy was an animal.

Screaming from the crowd filled my ears, and with a final shove I at least managed to flip us over. Where my arm had been defensively protecting my face, it was now in the perfect position to move over his throat and cut off his airway. He kept punching feebly until he passed out, and I got up off the floor.

Tanya's hand was wrapped around my wrist and holding my arm up high as she announced my victory and pulled me back to the locker room.

"You need stitches," she decided as soon as the door was closed. "It's more than I can do here – I need to take you to the ER."

"Fuck that," I muttered, but then I realized the gauze she had given me only seconds before was already soaked through, and there was a decent trickle of blood running from my temple down the side of my face and down to my shoulder.

"You are bleeding a lot," she said. "You are going to the hospital."

It didn't happen often, but I knew once those words were out of her mouth I wasn't going to have much of a choice. She helped me get my clothes on and dragged me out of the back door to her car.

"I don't have the money," I informed her.

"I got it," she said. "This one's on me."

Friday night, and the hospital was a fucking zoo. We waited for about two hours before anyone was available to look at me, and then they decided I wasn't bad off and I could wait. I borrowed some change from Tanya and tried to call Bella a couple of times, but oddly enough, the phone rang busy.

By the time my temple was stitched and Tanya dropped me off at home, it was almost six in the morning. I was pretty much the walking dead at that point, and my head pounded despite the maximum dose of ibuprofen the nurse had given me.

Tanya wouldn't let her give me anything stronger.

The key didn't seem to want to go into the lock, but I figured the fatigue-blurred vision was mainly to blame. Before I managed to get it in, I heard Bella's voice on the other side.

"Edward? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," I called out through the door. "I tried to call-"

The door opened, and Bella's eyes scanned over me, and she reached out to pull me inside by my hands. She led me over to the couch, where she sat me down and turned the side lamp a bit so she could see me better.

"Oh my God," she mumbled. "Can this day get any worse?"

"I'm all good," I assured her. "Just needed some stitches, and the emergency room was packed."

"You have blood all over you," she informed me. "Give me your shirt, or it won't come out."

I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled my arms out of the sleeves. I winced a bit and looked down at my shoulder where there was a pretty good sized bruise forming.

"You lost, didn't you?" Bella assumed.

"Nope," I replied. "I told you – I always win."

I grinned at her, but she didn't return the smile.

"Your T-shirt, too," Bella said. "It's got blood on it as well. My God, how many stitches did you need?"

"Only seven," I said. "It really isn't that bad. Head cuts bleed a lot."

I pulled off the white T-shirt I had under the other one, and Bella collected them both from me. She took them into the kitchen where I could hear her running water over them. I leaned over to the arm of the couch and closed my eyes.

I don't know how long I remained passed out on the couch, only that I awoke to Bella's voice and figured out pretty quickly that she must be talking on the phone. It was odd because I didn't recall her ever getting any phone calls before.

"I know what you are saying… just…just let me talk to her, okay?"

I tried opening my eyes, but the bright light coming in through the window was blinding and made my head pound. I closed them again immediately.

"Five minutes, that's it…fine…"

There was a longer pause, and then a change in Bella's tone.

"You don't have to do this," she said quickly. "I'll find a way to come and get you…but…I know that, but…if you stay…yes…yes…"

She sighed heavily.

"Your grades didn't suck that bad…I know, but I can't help but try to find a way…are you sure?"

I heard her sit down heavily at one of the kitchen chairs. Even though I didn't really understand what she was talking about, there was something about her tone I didn't like at all. Partially covering my eyes with my hands, I sat up and looked through the cracks in my fingers until my eyes got used to the sunlight.

"If you are sure," Bella was saying. "No…no way, I wouldn't dream of it. I'll be there….not sure yet, but I'll figure it out...love you, too…no, I don't want to talk to him again. I'll find you when I get there. Bye for now."

I rubbed at my eye and accidentally rubbed against the bandage over the stitches. I winced and hissed through my teeth.

"How are you feeling?" Bella asked as she hung up the phone in the kitchen and came over to sit on the edge of the couch.

"I'm good," I replied. I wasn't sure if I believed it myself, but it seemed like the best response to give. "Had a lot worse, that's for sure."

"Well, you look terrible," Bella said.

"Thanks," I said with a wry grin. "What time is it?"

"Just past noon," she told me.

"Still Saturday?"

"Yes." Bella shook her head at me.

"Hey, you never know!" I would have laughed, but I was afraid it would hurt my head if I tried.

"You sure you are all right?" she asked again, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine," I said. "Really."

She looked me over, and I could see her gaze fluctuating between my eyes. I wasn't sure what she was looking to find, but apparently she found it. She gave me a quick nod, and then tried to kill me with her next sentence.

"Good," she stated, "because I have to go home."

I knew the whole life passing before your eyes was only supposed to happen when you were faced with death, but that didn't stop the last few weeks from running through my head in a matter of seconds. Everything from when I saw her surrounded by those animals in the street, to feeling her hand press against my chest when I confronted her douche bag ex, to wrapping her up in my arms the previous night, flashed in my brain as I considered what she was saying.

She was leaving.

Going home.

"What the fuck?" I yelled, which made my head pound more and made Bella startle. "What the fuck are you talking about? Going home? What are you doing, dropping out of school?"

As much as I wanted to think school was the main concern, what I really wanted to know was why she was leaving me. Had I done something to piss her off? I didn't think so, but I'd pissed people off before without realizing it, so anything was possible. Maybe it was the fighting. Maybe she was realizing with the way I looked, the other guy must look a lot worse. I wasn't sure, but he probably did.

More than anything, I didn't want her to go. I was just starting to think that maybe, just maybe we could be more. Maybe Tanya was right, and it was time for me to take a chance again.

I hadn't even tried to kiss her.

"No, no," Bella said with a shake of her head. "Nothing like that – just for a few days."

Well, at least my heart was pumping blood again, but that just fueled my anger.

"Did Douche Bag call up and tell you to come back? And you're listening to him? You said before he was going to try and come up with a reason for you to come back there so he could keep you from leaving again, and now you are going to let him?"

"It's not him." Bella shook her head back and forth. "It's Leah."

"Who the hell is Leah?" I asked. I was suddenly annoyed that we did very little actual talking to each other about our lives.

"She's my best friend," Bella said softly. "She was there for me when I needed her. I can't turn my back on her. Without her, I wouldn't even be here."

I stared at her for a moment, watching the wetness coating her cheeks as it glistened in the light from the lamp.

"She got you out of there," I said. It wasn't a question.

Bella nodded.

"I knew I couldn't just leave without a big argument. Jacob had already told me that he wasn't going to put up with me moving away. He even tore up the acceptance letter from Masen when he found it. I had been so happy when I got it, and he just tore it up!"

Bella leaned forward and put her face in her hands.

"He wasn't going to let go," she said. "Even though I told him I wasn't seeing him anymore. Even though I told him I wanted to go to school, he wouldn't drop it. I shoved all my stuff in my dad's old suitcases and ran to Leah. She took me up north, where her cousin lives. They were all on some extended fishing trip up to Alaska, so she hid me there until I could arrange to come out here."

"I had a little bit of money from after Dad died," Bella continued. "I had been working at one of the local stores after high school and saved a bunch of that as well. I used it for the deposit on the apartment and the bus ticket. Leah kept lying to Jacob and Billy – saying she didn't know where I was – until I could move here. Her husband, Brady, is one of Jake's buddies. He was harassing her, too, but she still wouldn't tell anyone."

She raised her head and looked at me.

"I can't just abandon her," she stated definitively. "I can't. Not when they're going to…"

"Going to what?" I asked when she didn't go on.

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone about tribal rituals," she said. Her voice was reserved, but I wasn't going to give in that easily.

"What the fuck?" I snarled. "That's a bunch of bullshit."

"I know," she responded quietly. "But I think I heard it about five thousand times when I was growing up. No one outside the tribe was ever supposed to hear about the legends and rituals of the tribe."

"What are they going to do to her?"

"She and Brady have been married almost two years," Bella said. "She hasn't gotten pregnant."

"So what?"

"So the doctor doesn't think there is anything wrong with her."

"Well, that's good, right?" I had the sinking feeling it wasn't.

"I told you," Bella said, "the tribe is shrinking. She has to have a baby from the tribe."

"So who is going to father the kid?"

"All of them." Bella's eyes met mine, and she nodded to me slowly as I comprehended what she was saying. "They'll just keep going until she's pregnant."

The implications of her words flooded over me, and images of a website Paul had found once rocketed around in my brain. It featured this chick lying back in a chair while a line of guys waited to fuck her. What I had considered kind of interesting at the time now seemed thoroughly sickening.

I was never one to bash another culture, but this was just fucked up.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, how many people did I lose there? LOL

Just to put on the PC hat - this little tidbit of "culture" has nothing to do with any actual Native American culture, and I'm totally making this shit up (loosely based on remembering a bit of a bad horror movie I saw once, but can't remember the name of it). It's not bashing anyone, it's just a plot device.

For those still wondering - I still plan to boil live puppies a some point in a story. Maybe this one.

I'll be back next week, same Cageward Time, Same Cageward channel!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	11. Take the Trip

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Sorry I'm a little late!

**"So don't lie."**

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Take the Trip**

For the next hour, Bella explained how the tribal council had determined the best way to make sure their culture and way of life continued, which was to make sure every couple had many children. There was a minimum of three declared because you couldn't just replace yourselves, you had to add to the population. Since then, any couple who didn't have the allotted number of kids was _helped out_ by the rest of the tribe – either by making a surrogate mother available to carry a child for a woman who wasn't fertile or by making sure any fertile woman was impregnated by some man of the tribe.

Husband or not.

Apparently they had been doing it for generations, which meant more and more often the children they did have were closer related to each other than the last generation, and their numbers were beginning to dwindle again. Cousins marrying cousins was common enough, but they were starting to have other relations intermingle as well.

"Brady is technically Leah's uncle," Bella told me. She sat down opposite me on the couch and handed me a refilled glass of apple juice. "They aren't so far apart in age – her grandmother had him just a few years before Leah's mother gave birth to her. She says she loves him, but there is part of me that thinks it's just because she was brought up there."

"You were brought up there, too," I remembered. "So why aren't you doing the same thing?"

"I certainly heard it enough," Bella said. "But things were always different for me."

"Because you're too pale?" I asked, half joking.

"Well…partially," she said as she cringed. "I mean, I obviously didn't fit in with everyone else. I was…_accepted_…but with hesitance, you know?"

I didn't, but I nodded anyway.

"Billy is the chief of the tribe, so really whatever he says goes. He said I was his daughter, so everyone kind of had to accept me. Still, I knew I looked different, and even though I was young when it happened, I still remembered living outside of the tribe with my dad."

"What would your dad have thought of all this?" I wondered aloud.

"I don't think he would have approved," Bella said as she shook her head. "I know there were a lot of things he and Billy disagreed about, and they sometimes even argued. I don't think Dad knew about a lot of the things the tribe did. It doesn't matter now, though. I have to go back."

"No you don't," I said. I dropped my glass down on the coffee table and sat on the edge of the couch cushion. I turned myself sideways to face her. "Don't go back."

"I can't just ignore what's going to happen," she told me. "Leah is going to go through with this, and she wants me there."

It all sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me.

"It's just Douche Bag's way of getting you back there so he can keep you from returning."

"Probably," she agreed. "I'm sure he knows I would do anything for Leah. Still, it's not like he can keep me from leaving if I decided I was coming back."

I raised an eyebrow at her. She didn't believe a word she was saying, and it showed.

"I have to go," she whispered. "Leah risked everything for me."

I stood up.

"I'm going with you." I felt myself stand just a little taller, the decision solidifying my resolve. There was no way I was going to have her go half way across the country on her own. There was no way I was going to let her be that far away from me with that asshole by her side.

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella muttered as she shook her head.

"Don't fucking say that!" I exploded. "I fucking hate that. I'm going with you!"

"You most certainly are not!" she yelled right back at me. She stood up and placed her fists on her hips. "I'm not going to go there to help Leah just to end up having to play interference between you and Jake the whole time!"

"I won't start anything," I promised. I might not start it, but I'd end it, and _starting_ was kind of a subjective thing. If he happened to look at me wrong, well, that would be like him starting it.

"My ass," Bella replied. She grabbed up both empty glasses and headed into the kitchen.

I followed her and watched her carefully wash each of the glasses before grabbing a towel to dry them inside and out. She seemed to be taking extra care to get every single drop of water off of them before putting them in the cabinet. Her breath came out in a huff that moved her hair around when she turned back to me and glared with her arms crossed.

"I'm going," I repeated.

"No."

"Not up for debate," I told her. I crossed my arms over my chest to show her I could be just as damn stubborn as she was. "I swear, I'll be something that vaguely resembles a gentleman up until he starts acting like a douche bag."

I hoped and prayed that he would because even the smallest excuse would allow me to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. That thought put a genuine smile on my face.

"I can already see you plotting inside that head of yours," she told me. "Absolutely not."

"Why not?" I demanded. "Give me one decent reason that isn't outweighed by the dozen I can come up with that tells you not to go by yourself."

"Edward!" Bella threw her hands up in the air and turned around to walk back into the living room. She stopped at the juncture between the two rooms and leaned against the wall there with her arms still crossed. "What am I supposed to say? My roommate followed me across the country to hang out with the tribe and watch in this ridiculous excuse for a custom?"

I hadn't really considered what they might think of the whole thing, because I didn't give a flying fuck. Bella, of course, was concerned. Her concern was going to be enough to convince her I shouldn't go. If she wouldn't let me go with her, and she ended up back there alone, I wouldn't be able to get a hold of her. She might be brain washed into staying with them, marrying Douche Bag, and having his puppies.

Fuck no.

"So, tell them something else," I heard myself say.

"Like what?" she snorted. "That you just stopped by to work on your anthropology research?"

While I was ignoring the obvious sarcasm, my mouth took off without consulting with me first.

"Tell them I'm your boyfriend."

Holy shit.

From top to bottom, my body stilled completely.

"Don't be ri-"

I tilted my head to one side and glared at her, halting the rest of that hated phrase. Bella bit down on her lower lip like she was trying to hold in whatever she wanted to say next by sheer force of teeth. When she did speak again, I could barely hear her.

"I can't just…just…"

"Just what?" I asked. My feet managed to remember that they were mobile, and I took a step towards her. As I moved forward, Bella took a step backward until she was pressed firmly against the wall.

"I can't just lie to them!" she exploded. "Besides being a shitty liar, I can't act to save my life. I can't pretend we're in a relationship when we're not!"

I moved forward again, and she tried to move back a bit more but had nowhere to go. Her heels were against the woodwork along the wall, and her fingers touched the pale drywall behind her. In the back of my mind, I realized even when I made the suggestion that she wouldn't be able to do it. I knew she couldn't lie. You couldn't live with someone for a month and not figure that out.

"So don't lie."

My skin tingled like it would if I were on the edge of a storm front. Hell, maybe I was. I could have been standing at the top of a fjord or the edge of the Grand Canyon. I could have been stepping from Apollo 11 onto the surface of the moon.

She didn't move but just stared at me with her eyes widening as I moved closer. Slowly, I placed my hands against the wall on either side of her head. My body angled over top of hers, and I bent my elbows to bring myself closer to her face.

"What do you mean?" she asked in a choked whisper.

"Don't lie," I repeated.

I leaned in closer to her. My eyes drifted from her gaze to her mouth and then back again. I waited for her lips to part and tell me to stop, but all she did was moisten them quickly with her tongue. I brought my head down close to hers – almost touching – and paused again. Her eyes dropped to my mouth, her lips parted slightly, and I could see the increased movements of her chest with her rapid breathing. I didn't need any further prompting.

My lips pressed to hers, and everything else in the world ceased to exist.

There was no kitchen or living room in a crappy little apartment on the shit side of town. There were no roommates for the sake of financial security or convenience. I wasn't a fighter ignoring life around him, and she wasn't a college student trying to make the world a better place. There was no sordid background, no history, no fucked up tribal customs or douche bag ex-boyfriends.

It was me, and it was her, and it was us.

Her mouth was warm, soft, and far more enticing than my fantasies had ever been. I felt her hand against my chest and feared she would push me away, but she didn't. Her hand moved up slowly over the fabric of my T-shirt and rested against my shoulder as I tilted my head and kissed her again.

Gently.

Slowly.

Even with the muted pace, I broke away breathless and with my head spinning. My eyes met hers, and I was sure she felt what I was feeling. Without any more pause, I brought our lips together again eagerly and opened my mouth to find her tongue with mine. My hand moved from the wall to the side of her face, and I tilted her head to kiss her deeper. She moaned into me, and her taste was nothing short of divine. Finally I slowed, savoring the flavor of her mouth before stopping a moment. I didn't open my eyes, but leaned my body into her.

"Don't lie," I whispered against her lips.

"I won't," she responded, and her hand moved up higher to pull tightly against the back of my head as she brought us together again.

My hands reached down and lifted her up by her thighs so I was holding her against the wall where I could reach her better. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and I moved against her – no longer trying to hide the desire I felt for her as it grew and pressed between her legs. Her fingers gripped the back of my head as she turned to meet my lips from another angle.

Hoisting her up a little more, I leaned back and carried her out of the living room, into the hall, and through the bedroom door. In a single motion, I laid her down on the bed and covered her body with mine, never allowing our lips to part in the process. It was like curling up beside her while she slept, only better.

With her supported by the bed, my hands could occupy themselves with something other than holding her up. They slid up her thighs and over her hips, and I realized just how long it had been since I had felt the smooth curves of a woman's body in my hands. My fingers felt the warmth of bare skin as they reached the top of her jeans, and I slid my hand inside.

Bella moaned into my mouth, and her hands moved to my shoulders. She gripped me for a moment before her fingers moved down to my chest. I braced myself against the bed with one hand while the other moved up her side, feeling the soft flesh underneath her shirt, and searching for more. My hips moved against hers in instinctive rhythm.

Her hands pressed more firmly against my chest, and I moved to suck at the skin of her neck as my hand reached for her breast. I felt her breath against the side of my head as her fingers dug into my skin, pushing harder now.

"Edward, stop!"

I froze, and my blood pooled down in my feet as I came to the understanding of where I was, what I was doing, and with whom.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I had to lock every muscle to keep my body from continuing down the sordid path it wanted to take on its way to fulfill every shower-dream I had experienced since I met her. My eyes squeezed shut, and I forced my hands flat against the mattress before I shoved up and away from her body.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," I said. "Just um…give me a minute."

I slowly pushed myself up and off of her, and then rolled over to my back as she sat up and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. I could feel her looking down at me but didn't meet her gaze. I willed my cock to stop throbbing both painfully and obviously in my pants, but the moody little bastard wasn't listening. My heart was beating too fast in my chest, and my hands were aching to run over her skin, but I knew I couldn't do that – I _still_ couldn't do that.

The thought was more than I could take.

"Going outside," I said as I shoved myself off the bed.

I glanced at her long enough to see her nod her head before I left the room. I walked out into the living room and grabbed my smokes out of my jacket pocket before running out the door and down the stairs. I lit the cigarette before I ever got outside and then leaned against the edge of the fire escape as I blew the smoke up into the overcast sky.

My eyes closed, and I tried to figure out how I had gone and managed to do exactly what I was telling myself I wasn't going to do. I wasn't going to put her in this position. I wasn't going to get in the way of her life. I wasn't going to make a move on her and fuck up this little arrangement we had.

I tried not to feel like what she had done and said was a rejection, but the thought crept into my head anyway.

I tossed the butt into the street and started to run. As I ran, the skies went from overcast to actually raining down on me – first at just a sprinkle, and then a downpour before I made it to the tree. Circling the tree made me think of Thanksgiving dinner, and that just pissed me off some more.

I'd fucked up, royally.

Taking back what I had done wasn't a possibility. I kissed her. I didn't just kiss her, but hauled her into bed and would certainly be fucking her right now if she hadn't pushed me away. This was everything I said I wasn't going to do, and now it was too late to take it back. I couldn't just pretend I didn't want in her panties because I wasn't much better at lying than she was.

Picking up speed, I turned the corner around an old steel plant and saw our building. The rain suddenly ceased as quickly as it had started, leaving nothing but cold mist in the air. The back of my thigh was cramping up, and I was breathing too hard. Smoking before running, combined with the lack of warming up, was not a great idea. I slowed before I got to the grate that marked three miles and coasted to a stop right in front of the building. I leaned over with my hands on my knees and coughed a couple of times before reaching behind my leg and rubbing at the cramped muscle.

"Fucking hell," I muttered. I stood up straight, reached my hands up over my head, and then leaned against the broken security door so I could stretch the muscle. A crow landed on the ineffective street lamp outside the building above, tilted its head, and cawed at me.

"Fuck you," I snapped at the nasty black bird. It squawked again and apparently captured the attention of Crazy Alice.

"The birds of leaving call to us," she sang down at me. "Yet here we stand endowed with a fear of flight."

I glared up at her.

"Shut up, you crazy bitch."

She just laughed in response and then continued with her babble.

"The winds of change consume the land, while we remain in the shadow of summers now past."

Raising both hands, I flipped both her and the bird _the bird_ before stomping back into the apartment building. I got up to my front door and hesitated, realizing immediately that this was exactly what I didn't want to have happen.

I was hesitating because she was in there, and I didn't know if I should go in or not. I wasn't sure just how pissed off at me she was going to be, and rightly so. I mean, I yelled at her, kissed her, dry humped her, and then ran out on her.

She probably already had her bags packed.

She wouldn't want to have anything to do with me traveling with her, she would end up going back to Douche Bag, and she wouldn't finish school. If that was the case, it meant I had pretty much fucked up her entire life because I was horny.

What an asshole.

I leaned against the wall just beside the door and held my face in my hands. My head was getting a little swimmy, and I realized my impromptu run had also left me dehydrated. Growling at myself, I straightened up and turned to open the door.

It was quiet inside.

It only took a second to see she wasn't in either the kitchen or the living room, which didn't leave me many more options. Though I would have rather just hid behind a beer at the kitchen table, I had to fix this.

How?

Convince her it was a joke? A mistake? I didn't mean it?

I wasn't completely sure I was going to be able to do that and decided maybe a bit of a stall tactic was warranted – at least long enough to grab a glass of water. Once in the kitchen, I downed it quickly, half hoping she would just appear behind me so I didn't have to walk back into the bedroom.

_Maybe she left while I was out._

I glanced over at the suitcase that still sat, partially open, at the end of the couch, and found myself annoyed she still hadn't bothered to put anything into the dresser drawer I cleared out for her.

_Because she knew she wasn't going to stay long._

I wanted to slam my head against the wall a few times but figured if she was still here – and she probably was – the noise would just scare her. I took a long breath to prepare myself and pushed forward. I turned the corner slowly and found Bella sitting at the edge of the bed. She looked up as soon as I came into view, and I could see redness around her eyes.

What a fucking asshole.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

Bella looked away, wiped at her eyes, and then looked back at me with a fierce glare that almost sent me stumbling back.

"For what?" she demanded. "What exactly are you sorry for?"

"For…um…for the uh…"

"For what?" she yelled louder. She stood up and walked towards me. "Tell me right now, Edward Cullen! What exactly are you apologizing for because I need to figure out whether or not I'm going to slap you!"

I gulped but couldn't come up with what I should say next.

"Is that all you want, huh?" she asked as she took another step closer. She came right up to me and shoved me in the center of my chest. "Are you just hoping the convenient roommate and cook would become a convenient fuck? Is that it?"

I had to take a step back from the words she was hurdling at me. Of all the reactions I was expecting, this wasn't even on the list.

"What…um…no!"

"So then what is it, Cullen?" she snarled, her voice going low. "What are you sorry about?"

"Because of…of what I did?" I didn't mean it to sound like a question, but I wasn't really sure myself.

"Tell me!" she screeched, shoving me again. She didn't actually move me back, but I could tell she was trying to put some force into it. "Are you sorry you kissed me, or sorry you ran out on me afterwards?"

Tears began to stream down her face.

I didn't know what else to do, so I told her the truth.

"I don't want to fuck up your life," I said. "I don't want you to leave because I'm as ass."

She looked up at me, and her expressive brown eyes seemed to be searching right through me and into my soul. Something told me she was going to find more there than she ever wanted to see.

"So what is it, then?" she said, her voice was still strained but had lost its venom. "What are you so sorry about?"

"I'm not sorry I kissed you," I admitted. "I just didn't mean to-"

I couldn't finish the sentence because her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled my mouth to hers.

I was lost.

Completely and totally lost within her.

I was fucked.

My arms went around her waist, holding her to me as she pulled my head down towards her roughly. Her tongue found its way into my mouth, and I welcomed it. One of her hands moved from my shoulder to the top part of my arm, and then over to my chest. She grabbed at the material of my shirt as she pressed her mouth against mine again.

There were so many unfamiliar emotions going through me, I didn't know what to do to comprehend them all. There was lust and desire – without a doubt – but that was expected…normal…welcomed. It was the other shit I didn't know how to process.

The fear.

Her grip on me relaxed slightly, and I held her close as my mouth moved across her jaw and down her neck. Her breath came in short gasps as her fingers tried to latch onto my hair.

"I don't do this," I whispered against her ear. "I'll just screw it up, Bella. I don't want you hurt because of me. I'm not worth taking the chance."

"Why don't you let me decide that?" she replied, and her mouth was on mine again.

I have no idea how long we stayed there, standing in the doorway between the hall and the bedroom making out, but we were both out of breath by the time we stopped. Bella pulled away first, because I might never have, and then she looked at me for a long moment.

I couldn't decide if her gaze made me feel uncomfortable or not.

Eventually she sighed and then placed her cheek against my chest, leaning against me.

"I had given up, you know," she said.

"On what?"

"I didn't think you…you know…"

Pulling back a little, I looked down at her.

"I didn't what?"

"That you just weren't interested," she said with a shrug.

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

"I just didn't want to be a dick," I told her.

She tilted her head up and pressed her lips softly to the base of my throat.

"Don't run out on me like that again," she said into my neck.

"Okay," I said.

"Promise."

"I promise." My arms went around her back, and I pulled her closer against my chest. "I thought you were pissed."

"I wasn't _pissed_," she told me. "I just…wasn't ready for that. I can't go from roommate to lover in thirty seconds."

"Oh…um…." My voice trailed off with no direction or purpose.

"Are you going to be okay with that?" Bella's small voice asked.

"With what?"

She let out an exaggerated sigh before looking up into my face.

"I'm not ready to have sex with you."

"Oh! That."

"Yeah, _that_."

My fingers trailed down the side of her face.

"Whenever you're ready," I said, and I hoped I wasn't lying to her. "I'm not in any hurry."

She raised an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged in response.

"How long do you need?" I asked. "Ten minutes?"

She laughed and leaned against me. I held her tightly and rested my cheek on the top of her head, wishing I had been joking so we could both laugh. There was no doubt that I would wait, but I didn't have to like it.

"I can keep kissing you, right?" I asked for clarification.

"That sounds like a good plan," she said with a nod. "I just don't want to…"

"What?" I asked when she didn't continue.

"I know you've…been around."

I had to laugh at that one.

"Have I?"

"Well, um…I think so?" She looked up at me with her eyes full of concern. "I mean, you're just so…so…"

I had to prompt her to get her to keep going.

"You're about the best looking, most built guy I have ever seen in my life!" she finally blurted out. "You have to have had hundreds of girlfriends! You could have anyone!"

More laughter. I took her hand and brought her back into the living room, figuring the bed wasn't the best place to have this sort of conversation. We sat next to each other on the couch, and I reached over to put my arm around her and bring her back to me.

Now that I had her close to me during the daylight hours, I didn't want to let her go again.

"I have only ever been in one relationship," I told her, "and that was years ago. I just…don't really do well with them. Yes, I've had hookups, but no girlfriends. Not in ages."

"Why not?"

All of Tanya's words flooded back through my head.

"Tanya said I didn't give anyone a chance," I finally said. "I don't know if that's true or not. I just…fuck."

I unwrapped my arm from her and stood up again.

"I can't do this Bella…I just…I'm not cut out for this!"

"For what?" she asked, and the innocent and understanding look on her face was enough to bring me down.

"I fucked up once," I said quietly. "This is where it got me. I don't give a shit about anyone or anything. I'm just…_here_, Bella. What can you possibly see in that?"

"Why?"

Even if she could have convinced me she would listen without judgment, I couldn't have told her.

"I'm not going to tell you," I said bluntly. "That's part of the shit you'd have to deal with."

She stared at me for a good long time, then reached out her hand and brought me back to the couch beside her. Her hand moved upwards until it landed on my face.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Edward," she told me. "But it doesn't matter. Not right now, at least."

"What does that mean?"

"You tell me," she said. Her eyes focused on mine and didn't waver. "Do you want to try and do this?"

"What if I fuck it up?" I asked.

"How about we deal with the present first and worry about shit that might happen later?"

I licked my lips and tasted her on them.

"I guess so," I said.

"Very convincing."

"I told you I don't know how to do this shit."

"I'm not so sure I know how to do _this shit_, either," Bella said, "but I'm willing to try. Are you?"

I nodded.

"And as much as I would like to spend the next few days figuring it out with you, I have to figure out how to get home. Leah needs me there."

"First things first, huh?"

"Something like that."

"So when is all this shit supposed to go down?" I asked.

"The day after tomorrow," she said. "Actually…um…there is a bit of a problem."

"What? Just one?" I said with a halfhearted laugh.

"Well, one big one," she said. "The bus fare."

"What about it?"

"Um…I don't have it," she replied quietly.

"Oh…um…shit." I lay back on the couch cushions.

"I've got about four dollars at the moment," Bella clarified.

"I don't have much more than that," I admitted. "I had to get an advance from Jasper yesterday to cover rent. I ended up bringing in about fifty bucks last night."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"The ticket to get here was a hundred and seventy five dollars."

"Now we need two," I reminded her.

"You don't have to-"

"Shut it!" I rolled myself closer to her and covered her mouth with my hand. "I'm going. We'll figure it out."

She mumbled against my fingers until I moved my hand.

"How?" she asked.

"I'll ask around," I said. "I know a few people who have cars. Maybe I can find one who would let me borrow it for a few days."

"That's a big favor," Bella remarked.

"I've got a few people who owe me."

"I owe you," she said quietly. Her eyes stayed on mine as her hand reached up and her fingers touched the edge of my jaw. I could see the beginning of a tear in the corner of her eye, and I leaned down to kiss it away.

"You cry too much," I told her.

"I can't help it," she said with a shrug.

The salty liquid on my lips was quickly covered by her mouth. Her fingers gripped my shoulders, and my hand ran up her side. I felt her shiver under my touch and wondered if this could be enough for me.

…

I dropped the phone back down and sighed.

"Any luck?"

I glanced up at Bella, paused for a second, and then shook my head.

"People who say they owe you one later are full of shit," I told her. "I got three flat out no ways, two offering to let me borrow a car next week, and one who just laughed. The best I got was from Jasper himself, who has an old motorcycle he said I could use."

"Well, let's do that!" Bella said.

I huffed out a breath.

"Well," I said, "to be completely honest, I have never ridden one – not even on the back. I haven't even been on a bicycle since I was a kid. I don't think I've got time to figure it out before we have to leave, and I don't want to splatter us both all over the highway."

It was a little embarrassing to admit it, but it was better than a remake of_ Blood Runs Red on the Highway_.

"Oh!" Bella said with widened eyes. "That's okay – I can ride."

A deeper glow of sex appeal surrounded her as those words left her mouth.

"You can?" My arms and legs tensed, and for a moment I knew exactly what it felt like to be a cat ready to pounce on its prey.

"Yes, I can," she said, and her cheeks reddened as she looked away. "I had a motorcycle on the res."

Between her words, the blush, and the sheer amount of testosterone she had coursing through my system, I couldn't take any more. My eyes lowered as I moved across the room and towards her. Bella glanced back at me and took a slight step backwards as I approached. Her mouth opened slightly as I grabbed her, lifted her up, and pressed her against the wall. I crushed my lips to hers.

"You have any idea how hot that is?" I asked against her mouth.

"Do you have a thing for this wall?" she giggled.

"Maybe," I shrugged. "I didn't before, but it's definitely growing on me."

Bella chuckled against me, causing her to shake a little in my arms. Her hands reached around my neck, and she used her index finger to brush the hair on the back of my head up in a little line. She tilted her head to see her fingers better as she repeated the motion, causing the short hairs to fan out backwards. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I've wanted to do that since you got your hair cut," she said with a blush.

I gave her a look.

"Why?"

"I don't know," she said. "It just looked like it would feel cool."

"Does it?"

"Yes," she said with a wide grin. "It does."

After we collected the bike from Jasper, we decided on an early morning start. As if going to sleep with her hadn't already been awkward enough, the tension was about ten times more as we climbed into the bed under a completely new situation.

I just wanted to fuck her hard and fast, and then roll up against her and go to sleep, and I was pretty sure that wasn't what she had in mind.

Like we did on most nights, we came together in the center of the bed and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. After that, it was like we didn't know what to do next. A few hours ago, I had her pinned down against the very same mattress and was seriously considering popping her cherry.

Fuck, there had to be something wrong with me.

The problem was, I wasn't sure if there was something wrong with me because of what I had done or what I hadn't done. In all actuality, I had completely forgotten her lack of experience. I hadn't been with a virgin since I was one, and I knew I couldn't push her too hard or too fast. I was going to have to let her set the pace.

"Bella?" I said softly into the darkness.

"Hmm?"

"I…um…shit," I muttered. "I don't know how to say this."

"Just say it," she directed.

"Okay." I huffed through my nose. "I want you. I want you _now_."

I felt her stiffen a little.

"I know you're not ready for all that," I added quickly. "I just want to be clear. I'll wait. I'll wait as long as you want, but unless you set the ground rules, I'm going to fuck up because I…well…I want you as soon as you're ready for it. Shit, this isn't coming out right."

"I think I know what you mean."

"So…ground rules?"

"In the morning," she replied with a yawn. "I have to sleep on it."

I wanted to _sleep on it_.

Instead I just nodded. Eventually, I closed my eyes, and before I even realized I was asleep, the alarm was going off and Bella was jumping out of the bed to shower and make breakfast. I had to jerk off quickly and quietly while she was in the bathroom because the very thought of her naked body so close to me, combined with the remembered taste of her mouth, drove me up the fucking wall.

I dressed, we made quick work of breakfast, and before I knew it, I had my arms wrapped around Bella's waist and my head tucked against her shoulder as we flew down the highway at seventy miles an hour. At first, I loved the way she looked on the bike, and I loved having her nestled between my legs with my arms wrapped around her middle, but the novelty wore off quickly. I knew a lot of people that I thought had similar tastes as me really liked motorcycles, I knew within the first two hours that it wasn't something I enjoyed. I tried not to think about the other seventeen hours of travel that Bella seemed to think we could do in one day, arriving at Forks in the wee hours of Monday morning.

My ass did not agree.

We stopped every couple of hours so we could both stretch and get something to eat or drink. Unlike being in a car, we couldn't really talk to each other to help pass the time – the helmets we wore were basic and definitely not tricked out with two-way radios or anything like that. Bella was very determined to get there as quickly as possible, so we mostly stopped at rest stops along the highway just to keep the momentum going.

Bella had just come back from using the facilities right off the highway while I hung out and smoked near the motorcycle. We both got on the bike – her in front, me in the back – and I was finishing up my smoke before putting the helmet back on. There were three guys getting off their own bikes next to us, and one of them looked over in our direction.

"What kind of man lets the chick drive the bike?" the dude sneered.

I tensed, and Bella followed suit, knowing I wasn't going to just let it go.

"Edward…" she said softly.

"Hush," I responded. I took a last drag off my cigarette, flicked the butt across the parking lot, and got off the bike. I walked slowly and with purpose over to the asshole with my eyes right on his. Once I was chest-to-chest with him, I tilted my head slightly to one side and spoke.

"A pretty fucking confident one," I told him.

He took a slight step back and glanced at his buddies, who seemed to be letting him deal with his own issues, sans backup. Didn't matter to me – none of the three looked like they could take a real punch. I flinched forward slightly, balling my fists and moving like I was going to strike. He managed to fall down as he jumped back.

His buddies laughed as I got back on the bike behind Bella. Even she was snickering slightly as we placed our helmets on our heads and headed back down the highway. Moment later, my ass was numb from the vibrations again, and I was bored out of my fucking mind.

The only thing that was even remotely interesting about the ride was Bella's position between my legs. Unfortunately, I couldn't even enjoy that with the constant rumble of the bike, the swift wind around us, and general uncomfortable nature of the whole thing.

About a thousand years later, we reached Portland and fueled up with what little cash we had scraped together. I honestly wasn't sure how we were going to find the gas money to get home, but I was also a lot more interested in hitchhiking than the bike at that point. My ass felt like it had just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight, and Bella didn't even seem like she was still awake as she replaced the gas nozzle back on the pump.

"We need to find a place to sleep," I told her.

"I'm good," she mumbled. "It's only about five more hours."

"Bullshit," I growled. "You don't even look like you can walk any more, and my thighs feel like I've had a large vibrating vehicle between them for the past ten hours. I'm pretty sure my ass is going to fall right off if we go another hour."

Bella reluctantly agreed, and we checked out a few of the standard motels right of the highway, but we couldn't afford any of them. I finally had to start trying the less recognizable names in hopes that they would give me a discount considering the lateness of the hour.

After another hour of looking, Bella wasn't just looking like she was going to fall off the bike, she was actually starting to doze right there in the seat. There was only one last place to check at the final exit north of Portland before we were going to be out of options.

The dude at the creepy, dirty motel was less than helpful.

"We ain't that kind of place," he growled at me.

"Come on, dude," I begged. Yes, I had gotten to that stage. None of my threats were working. "Twenty bucks for four hours – I know you aren't full, and it's after midnight. It's practically free money."

"I told ya, we don't do that shit! Fuck the hooker behind the dumpsters at the Holiday Inn or something."

"She ain't a fucking hooker!" I snarled.

"Whatever."

I stomped out, and Bella's drooping eyes glanced up at me as I returned to the side of the bike. She must have been able to tell I had struck out again.

"It's okay," she said. "I can keep going."

"No," I corrected, "you can't. I didn't come out here with you just to have you fall asleep and kill us both on the fucking road."

"We're kind of out of options," she said.

"There has to be a park around here," I said. "You could at least get a couple hours while I looked after you."

"Hmm…" she mumbled. She didn't even have the alertness to argue with me anymore.

I really needed to get her into a bed, but I was completely out of ideas. Growling at myself, I looked up into the sky and wondered if whatever deity was up there hated me. Without any obvious answer, I dropped my eyes again, and my vision passed over a very familiar logo.

Fuck no.

Could I stoop that low?

High up in the sky, on what could have been the spike for the King's banner on top of a castle, there was a huge lit up sign. On the left side sparkled a pair of silver circles as they twisted and turned within each other, creating a spinning vortex of marketing overachievement.

It sickened me.

As I glanced over at Bella, I wondered if she could even make it the few blocks up the street to get there. She wasn't following my gaze, but staring blankly at the center of one of the motorcycle's gauges. I definitely had to get her into a bed soon. She wasn't going to last a few more minutes.

Yes, I could stoop that low.

"Come on," I told her. "I have a plan – just a little ways up the street, if you can still make it."

Bella nodded dumbly as I got back on the bike, which I was quite sure I hated now. We drove up a long hill, and I motioned for Bella to pull into a large parking lot and stop the bike near the front. Right between the entrance and exit drives was the tall pole with the spinning silver circles at the top.

She pulled off her helmet and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

"If you think you are going to rob this place, I would much rather deal with a park bench than a jail cell."

"No worries," I told her. "Come on – get that…that _thing_."

Bella pulled the Great Bag of China out of one of the motorcycle's packs and followed me into the posh lobby of a five star hotel. I walked straight up to the front desk and asked for the night manager. She eyed me with contempt, and I just ignored it.

With a giant, pride-swallowing sigh, I reached into my back pocket. I grabbed my wallet, pulled out a black plastic card with a pair of silver loops and a number on it, and handed it to the woman. She took it with trepidation and a scowl.

"Call your corporate office," I told her as I pointed at the card. "Then dial that extension."

She eyed me, and for a moment I thought she might just call security and have us both thrown out, but then she picked up the phone and started dialing. I could feel Bella's gaze on the back of my neck, but I didn't look in her direction. I knew I was going to be pummeled with a bunch of questions as soon as the next opportunity presented itself, and I hoped to keep just a little bit of peace for a few more minutes. With any luck, she would be too tired to harass me and would just fall asleep.

"This is who?" the lady behind the desk was saying into the phone. "You…you mean _Aro Cullen_? I mean _Mister _Cullen? Oh!"

She looked back to me with astonishment.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir," she continued. "Yes, I know it's late, but…but I'm the night manager at location oh-seven-four in Portland, and there is a…um…gentleman here who handed me a card with…sir? Um…"

She leaned over to her right to look at me more closely, and I turned to show her the left side of my head. I reached up with one finger and tapped the two silver earrings hanging there.

"Yes, sir, he does. Um…tattoos?"

I sighed dramatically and turned around, then lifted my shirt up to show her my back.

"Yes, sir."

I watched her eyes get wider as she listened into the telephone and stared unabashedly at me. Finally she stopped and held the receiver in my direction.

"He'd like to talk to you…"

"No," I responded as I looked back to her. "Just give me a fucking room."

She licked her lips nervously before relaying my message into the phone.

"The presidential suite? Um…of course, sir. I'll take care of it…anything he wants...of course...thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to…"

She pulled the phone away from her ear and scowled at it.

"…speak with you," she finished. She hung the phone up and looked at us again. "I'll have you all checked in momentarily, sir."

It was pretty impressive that Bella managed to remain silent as we were handed key cards and given directions to the executive elevator of the Silver Springs Hotel. She didn't say anything as we got inside, and I pressed the button for the eighteenth floor. She managed to stay quiet all the way down the hall and to the door to the room.

Once I opened the door, she was too distracted by the room to ask anything for a moment.

I had to admit, it was a pretty damn fine suite. All leather and cherry with a large screen television, a computer set up on the desk and plenty of room for your own laptop if you brought one, too. There was a small hallway with doors to a closet and bathroom. There was a dining area, a living room, and large double doors that opened up to the bedroom and master bathroom. It was probably about double the square footage of our apartment.

Bella halted in the doorway for a moment, and then made her way slowly inside the room. She took it all in with a couple of big sweeps of her head to the left and the right.

"Are you going to explain all this to me?" she finally asked without turning around.

"Do I have a choice?" I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of orange juice and a little tiny bottle of vodka. I took two big swigs out of the orange juice, added the vodka to it, twisted the lid back on, and shook it up.

Bella moved to the plush couch to sit and continued to look at me pointedly.

I dropped down onto the couch next to her and took a large gulp of my screwdriver.

"Can we just make out instead?" I asked.

"Not a single lip until you tell me," she responded bluntly.

Well, damn.

"My uncle owns Silver Spring Hotels," I finally said.

"The entire chain?" Bella asked with surprise. "They're all over the place."

"A hundred and fifty or so in the states, yes," I told her. "There are a couple dozen outside the US, too."

"So, he's rich."

"Without a doubt."

"What's with the earrings?" she asked. "I thought you just wore them to look cool."

"Are you saying they don't look cool?" I smirked at her, and she blushed. "I bet they make you hot, don't they?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer," Bella said all haughty.

"You don't have to," I responded, "I can just tell."

She snickered and then pondered for a minute.

"Wouldn't he…you know…give you a job? I mean, if he'll give you a suite for the night, he'd give you a job, too, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah." I shrugged and downed the rest of the bottle. I dropped it down on the dark stained coffee table, careful to avoid the coaster because I felt like being an asshole. "He's offered."

"Edward!" she exclaimed. "Don't you realize what that means? You wouldn't have to live like that anymore!"

"Like what?" I asked, knowing full well what she meant. I was baiting her, and I didn't care. It was better she understood this now.

For a moment, she just stared at me.

"Like in that horrible neighborhood," she finally said. Her face was tight, and her eyes narrowed at me. "You wouldn't have to let people beat you up for cash."

"They don't beat me up."

She reached over and touched the spot over my eye that still held stitches.

"Really?"

"It's nothing," I responded. I pulled back a little.

"You could live better," she emphasized.

"I don't care about any of that, Bella," I informed her. "I've been there and done that, and I can tell you right now, it doesn't mean shit."

There was a long pause as I stared out the window and wondered who would be the most pissed off if I smoked in the room. There was a nice, big balcony – maybe I'd just go out there.

"What happened to you?" Bella asked quietly.

"Nothing," I said automatically.

"Bullshit."

"That's my line."

Another long pause. Just when I thought maybe she would give up, she spoke again.

"I want to know you," she told me.

"Not much to know," I replied with a little grin, which she did not return. I sighed, and then I was dumb enough to make eye contact with her. "I'm just me, Bella. I fight, I work out, I hang out with friends sometimes – that's it. I don't have anything else to give you."

"Give me your past," she whispered. "Tell me why."

I watched her eyes dance over my face and felt my resolve crumble around me. The feeling wasn't even identifiable; I just knew that there was part of me that wanted her to know – to understand. There was a part of me who wanted to tell her everything.

I was never one to open up, but I could not deny those eyes.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

More next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	12. Tell the Tale

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Come one, come all! It's Friday Fight Night! Glad everyone liked the initiation of their relationship. Let's see how far they get!

Oh jadapattinson and stickybuns - this is a spider-free chapter, but I can't guarantee one won't show up later...

Thanks as always to DK for the beta check and Deeper Water for running the reading group!

**"I don't fucking want it."**

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Tell the Tale  
**

"My family has a lot of money," I told her as she moved around the suite to get ready for bed. Even though we only had the bare necessities, Bella seemed insistent on putting everything in dresser drawers and out on the bathroom counter, which I thought was pointless at the very least. I sat on the couch, drank another screwdriver, and tried to deflect her every question.

"Not just your uncle?" Bella asked for clarification.

"No," I said, "pretty much everyone."

"How much is a lot?" she asked.

"Only my father's accountant knows," I said with fake humor.

Bella stopped folding clean clothes into the dresser long enough to stare at me. I tried to pretend to be very interested in the condensation of the orange juice bottle.

"Are you going to elaborate?" she eventually asked.

"I wasn't planning on it," I replied. I tilted the bottle up to my lips before looking over at her again. "It's really late, and you need to sleep. All this shit is way too long a story for now."

"You are just blowing me off," Bella accused.

I couldn't really deny it because it was absolutely true. She still needed sleep, though.

"We stopped here because you were about to fall right off the bike," I reminded her. "You need to go to bed."

As long as she was moving around she was awake, but I was pretty sure as soon as she lay down she would doze off, and I would be saved. She crossed her arms and raised her brows at me.

"You're exhausted," I told her. "You need sleep."

"Then tell me in bed."

I rolled my eyes and got up off the couch. Bella finally relented and agreed to get herself ready for bed. I let her take the shower first while I smoked on the balcony, hung out, and flipped through the crappy cable channels offered by the hotel. I was mildly annoyed by the realization that I could rack up a huge bill on the porn pay-per-view for Aro to sort out later, but having Bella there with me made that a lot less feasible. I decided to order one of most everything for breakfast room service to make up for it.

Once we were both ready for bed, Bella climbed onto the plush mattress and sighed deeply. I smiled – finding the decision to come here was a good one after all. At least she was warm, safe, and comfortable. I was almost glad the other motels and shit around the city wouldn't take us because they would have been nasty. If nothing else, Aro made sure his hotels were the very definition of posh.

I climbed into bed beside her and got into the usual position with her coiled up next to me. The bed was really, really nice. The pillows were stuffed with something that felt like feathers but didn't make my nose tickle. The sheets were obviously high quality, and I felt like I was meshing into a pile of clouds or some such shit. It was good, that was for sure.

It was good enough, I had to lean over and kiss her. She responded, and I felt her hand come up around my head, and her fingers rubbed my hair backwards again. My hand trailed up her side, then back down again, moving a little lower to grip her hip. I started to move around to her backside, but she stopped me.

"You never gave me ground rules," I reminded her.

"I know."

I was pretty sure I could see her cheeks darken in the subdued lights. I reached out and touched the side of her face. She turned towards me, and her throat bobbed as she swallowed.

"I'm not sure what they should be," she said.

"Oh." I had no idea how to respond to that. "Um...well, the kissing is okay, right?"

A little smile crossed her face, and she nodded a couple of times.

"And this is okay?" I ran my hand over her face, down to her neck, and then over her arm. I took her hand and brought it up to my lips for a moment.

"Yes," she responded.

I let go of her hand, and she moved it up to the back of my head, where she ran her fingers over the short hair and made it go up and backwards. My lips worked against hers, and I gently ran the tip of my tongue across her lips before entering her mouth. As we kissed, I slowly stroked down her side and over her hip. As I started to reach around to her backside, her hand left my head and reached around to stop me.

For a moment we stopped kissing, and Bella looked to the side, not meeting my gaze. I moved my hand back to her side and tickled the soft skin right below her T-shirt. She smiled again, and I touched my lips against hers briefly. When I pulled away, her eyes remained closed.

"You need to sleep."

"You haven't told me anything," she pouted.

"In the morning," I suggested.

"No," she said. "You're just delaying."

"How about I tell you, and in return, you let me grab your ass when I kiss you," I joked. It was the only way I could see myself getting out of this.

"Deal!" she responded immediately.

I eyed her for a minute and knew she was completely serious.

"I don't…" I started, then closed my eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't talk about my history. It doesn't matter anymore."

Bella's chest rose and fell with a deep breath. She shook her head slightly, and then rolled over to face away from me.

"Don't do that," I said.

She turned her head to look over her shoulder.

"You said you'd try this," she reminded me. "What exactly do you think is involved in a relationship?"

"I also told you I wasn't going to tell you shit and that I was going to fuck it up. Do you believe me now?"

"That was yesterday," she said. "You just now made a deal with me – are you going back on it?"

I glared at her for a moment, but this time there was no wavering in her determination to get something out of me. It was too late to start this shit, but I knew I was going to have to give her something.

Besides, her ass was calling to me.

I sighed, knowing that I couldn't deny what she was saying, either. I didn't know a lot about being in a relationship, but I knew enough to understand there was give and take. If I let her take a little, it sounded like she was willing to give a little.

Maybe a short and quick version would be enough.

"My dad kicked me out when I was seventeen," I told her in a rush. "I haven't spoken to him since. My uncle, Aro, tries to get us back together every once in a while, which is why he offers me jobs. I don't want them. I don't want anything to do with them."

Bella rolled back over to face me and propped herself up on her elbow as we talked.

"Your father owns the hotels, too?"

"My father is the owner and CEO of Twilight Silver," I told her. "It's a conglomerate of companies that started with a bunch of silver mines. Originally, it was a chunk of the Comstock Lode, if you remember anything about US history, but now there are mines in Mexico, Peru, Chile, Argentina – all over the place. That expanded into smelting ore and copper mining. Now there are jewelry stores and a bunch of other similar shit, too."

"That's why the earrings are significant," Bella said with a nod.

"Yeah – everyone in the family has them," I told her. "They're engraved on the inside, too. You have to look closely, though."

Bella's face scrunched up a bit.

"How does that fit into hotels?"

"Aro wanted to expand and diversify the company," I explained. "When I was a kid, he ended up buying this failing hotel chain and turning it into Silver Springs. He's also got a few other things like that – casinos in Vegas and some riverboat casinos in the Midwest, too. I think the last thing he started up was partial ownership in some computer hardware company."

"So your family owns all of that?"

"Yep," I replied. "The silver goes back generations."

"Wow."

"Like I said, I've been there and done the rich thing. It isn't what it's cracked up to be."

"But still," Bella said with a shake of her head, "you walked away from all of that? Why?"

No fucking way.

"Enough for one night," I said. "Go to sleep. We still have a ways to go tomorrow."

Bella growled at me a bit, but I wasn't going to budge, and she didn't really have the energy to argue with me about it anymore. My fingers moved up her arm and to her cheek, which I stroked softly. Bella's eyes drifted closed for a moment, and I took the opportunity to press my lips back against hers. She responded, her hand gripping the back of my neck again.

As our tongues touched, I let my hand drop back down her arm, over her elbow, down to her waist, and then to her hip. I paused for a moment before reaching around – going slowly just in case she either hadn't really meant it or had changed her mind.

She didn't move to stop me.

With my fingers spread out, I cupped one ass cheek and pulled her lower body closer to mine. I groaned into her mouth, unable to help myself as her grip tightened on my neck. Our mouths moved together, and I held her firmly against my body as we kissed and touched.

We broke apart, breathless.

Relaxing my grip, I let go of her ass and my fingers drifted back up her body until they reached her cheek again. I leaned forward, touched her lips softly, and then backed away.

"Now go to sleep," I commanded.

With an exaggerated sigh, Bella settled against me with her head on my shoulder and was asleep in minutes. I joined her quickly afterwards.

…

I woke hugging the pillow Bella had slept on.

It still smelled like her, and I found myself gripping it tighter and inhaling the scent before I even bothered to open my eyes. The bedroom was empty, and the door to the bathroom was open and the light was off in there, so I figured she must have been up for a while. I dragged myself from the Egyptian sheets to take a piss.

In the outer room, Bella was on the computer, intently staring at whatever was on the screen. For a long moment I just watched her face as she sat there and wondered if that's what she looked like when she was in class listening to a lecture. She glanced up at me when I shuffled to one side, and her eyes narrowed in to a glare immediately.

"I haven't been awake long enough for you to be pissed at me," I stated.

Bella tilted her head to one side and turned the monitor so I could see it.

It was fucking Wikipedia.

"When were you going to tell me?" Bella asked. "Ever?"

I briefly scanned the webpage with the heading _Twilight Silver, _and the section Bella was reading detailing the marriage of Carlisle Cullen, the monarch of the silver industry, and Esme Masen, the sole heiress to Masen College.

"These are your parents, aren't they?"

"Yeah," I muttered. I reached back and scratched at my head nervously.

"Your mother owns the school I'm going to?"

"Yeah," I repeated, not really sure if she was asking a question or not. From what she had up on the screen it was pretty obvious my family was connected to most every legal business venture in the world.

"So were you ever going to share that information?"

"Probably not," I admitted.

"Edward!" She swiveled in the desk chair where she sat until she was facing away from both me and the computer. She leaned over and dropped her forehead to her fingers.

"What?" I snapped back. I was still tired, and had never been accused of being a morning person anyway. The sudden attack just as I was waking up was pissing me off. "After a forty-eight hour relationship I should have given you a copy of the family tree? You want a list of birthmarks? If I withhold the name of my favorite teddy bear from when I was five will that piss you off, too?"

Bella looked up at me, her eyes still dark.

"Like all the other shit I told you last night, none of it matters."

"You knew I was going to Masen since the night we met," she said. "It never occurred to you to mention your mom runs the place?"

"She doesn't _run_ it," I corrected, "she _owns_ it. She shows up for gala events in a dress that costs as much as a year's tuition, cuts ribbons, opens champagne bottles, and throws money at people to make her feel like she's helping the _less fortunate_. That's what she does."

"I'm trying to do this…this _relationship, _and I don't even know who you are!"

"I'm the same guy you've been living with," I told her. "There's nothing different about me because I have some blood tie to a bunch of people who mean nothing to me. I haven't seen them in ten years, and as far as I'm concerned I'm never going to see them again. I'm not a part of that family you see on the screen – my name probably isn't even mentioned. I'm no more a part of the family there than you are of that fucked up tribe who's getting ready to gang-bang your friend. If they mean nothing to me, I don't know why they should suddenly be so fucking important to you!"

"Because you could have everything!" she yelled at me. Her hands tightened into fists and she held them tightly against her thighs. "Why do you do this to yourself? Why?"

"Well, currently it's pissing you off, and that's good enough for me!" I snapped back.

"You don't make any sense at all!" she growled in return.

I couldn't really argue that with her, either, because I knew I wasn't making sense. I didn't want to make sense; I just didn't want to talk about this shit.

Apparently, she wasn't ready to give up.

"I wasn't even around then!" she shouted. "So how could it possibly have been to piss me off!"

"I'm psychic," I snarled.

"You're an idiot!" she screamed back at me.

Her eyes blazed at me now, and the heat from the pointless argument flowed around in my veins and warmed my skin. I could see the slight outline of her breasts through her T-shirt as she breathed heavily.

"You're fucking hot when you're pissed," I told her.

Bella's eyes widened, and her toes pushed against the plush carpet at her feet. The chair moved back slightly, but I was faster. With three steps I was across the room with my hands on her – lifting her up and out of the chair. I shoved the PC off the desk and onto the floor before I dropped her ass down where the computer used to be. My hands moved up her body and grasped the sides of her head.

I didn't know what she was trying to say as I covered her mouth with mine. At that point, I didn't care. I just knew I wanted to touch her – to be close to her – and I was too far away. I wanted to be closer.

I _needed_ to be closer.

Inside of her.

"You drive me crazy," I growled into her ear. I moved down her neck, snarling at her as my mouth moved across her skin. "I want you so fucking bad. Fucking undefined ground rules."

My hands slid down her back and grabbed her ass as I captured her lips again. I pulled her right to the edge of the desk and lodged myself between her legs, making it very obvious how much effect she had on me. She tensed under my touch, and I suddenly felt like an asshole, but I didn't move away. I just started kissing her jaw and then her neck instead, so her mouth was free to tell me to fuck off if she wanted to.

She didn't.

Her hands wrapped around my head and shoulders, and her fingers brushed backwards over my hair. I didn't grind my hips into her like I wanted to, but instead I kept still between her legs. I could feel the warmth of her body against my crotch, and that was enough for right now. My hands still wanted a bit more, though, so I moved them up her sides, pushing her shirt up a little as I went.

"Edward," Bella chastised as she reached her limit.

"You didn't give me any rules yet," I reminded her. I didn't move my hands up any further, but I kept them on the bare skin of her sides as I kissed down her neck. The backs of my fingers tickled her sides. "Besides, you've seen me without a shirt. It's only fair."

"I didn't even think you owned a shirt for the longest time," she giggled as she tilted her head back so I could kiss up the front of her throat.

"You liked me that way, too, didn't you?" I challenged.

"I don't have to say," she replied with a shrug.

"You wanted to run your hands all over this, didn't you?" I said as I grabbed her wrists and placed her hands on my stomach. I moved them up slowly until I reached to top of my chest, where I let her go. I angled my body forward so more of it was touching her, and her hands pressed on my shoulders as she laughed again.

"I'm sure I just wanted to feel your hair!"

"It wasn't this short then."

"Oh yeah." More giggles.

"You are a terrible liar," I said. "Besides, I know what you really want. You want your hand on my cock."

I pressed against her a little more.

"You can, you know," I whispered low. "Any time you want – it's just waiting for you."

Before she had a chance to shove me away or just tell me to shut up, a knock at the door made her jump. I growled under my breath.

"Did you order breakfast?" I asked.

"No," Bella said. "I wasn't sure if I should."

"Fucking housekeeping," I grumbled as I released Bella and stomped towards the door.

The latches were far more complicated than they needed to be, and I was already pissed off before I got them unlocked. I flung the door open, all prepared to tell some bitch in an apron to go fuck off. Instead, I was met with Aro standing on the other side.

"What the fuck?"

"Well, I figured something interesting must be happening," Aro said with a shrug. "In all these years you've never accepted any kind of handout. I had to come see for myself."

Aro stepped around me and entered the suite just as Bella was straightening her shirt. She was still sitting on the desk, and her cheeks blushed bright red as he took in the sight.

"Seriously, Edward?" he said as he turned back to me. "All this just for a hooker? I thought something horrible must have-"

Without any consideration at all, I hauled back with my right fist and slammed it into his jaw. Aro spun to one side before he dropped down on the floor beside me, half in and half out of the room. He glanced back up and rubbed at his chin.

"Edward, no!" Bella cried from across the room. She jumped off the desk and headed towards us.

"Don't you _ever_ fucking talk to her like that!" I screamed at him.

"Holy shit," Aro muttered. "I wasn't expecting that."

He looked up at me as he got himself back to a sitting position and then used the doorjamb to help right himself. He stood and dusted off his Dockers.

"Say another fucking word about her and you'll get more," I promised.

"Is that so?" He looked from me to Bella, and then back to me again. "Well, I guess this is more interesting than I originally assumed. Do I get an introduction?"

"No," I said flatly.

"Edward…" Bella murmured as she reached my side and took hold of my arm before she turned to Aro. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, dear," he responded with a crooked half smile. "Though it is the first time I've ever been on the receiving end of one of those. You are pretty impressive with the fists, Edward. I have to admit I didn't completely understand that by just watching you hit other people."

Bella gripped my hand and looked at me pointedly.

I rolled my eyes at them both.

"Bella, this is my uncle – Aro. He's the one who thinks one night in a hotel at his expense warrants a plane trip, apparently. Aro, this is Bella, my…um…"

I stopped and glanced down at her for a second.

"My girlfriend," I finally added.

Aro's eyes went wide as he reached out and shook Bella's hand briefly.

"A pleasure," he said. "Unexpected, to be sure, but definitely a pleasure."

"Fuck off," I growled. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see what was wrong," he replied. "I figured you were in some kind of trouble, not on a date."

"It's not a fucking date," I corrected.

"Well, whatever it is," he said, "I'm starving. Have you had breakfast? I understand the crepes are excellent here, and I'm sure the chef would do you a veggie version."

…

Room service came up with a variety of breakfast dishes, which they set out on the table with linen napkins, mimosas, and polished flair. Bella sat next to me with Aro on the other side. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of her, which was pissing me off. I was inclined to hit him again, but I didn't.

"I must say," he addressed her, "you are most surprising."

"How so?" she asked.

"Just you being here with my nephew," he answered. "Apparently any sort of insult towards you warrants quite a nasty right hook. I didn't realize Edward had someone else in his life. This is fairly recent, I take it?"

"Cut the shit," I said. "Do you want something, or did you just come all the way out here to annoy me?"

Aro stopped talking and smiling. He glanced down at the table for a second before pushing his chair back and standing up.

"I thought you might be in trouble," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"I'm fine," I snapped back at him.

"Edward!" Bella hissed as she grabbed onto my arm again. Like that was going to change what I was doing or saying.

"I'll just go then." Aro grabbed his jacket, tossed it over his arm, and headed towards the door.

Bella stood up as well, but when she tried to haul me up with her, I shook my arm free of her grasp. She glared at me as she followed Aro to the door. "I'm sorry. I don't know why…"

Aro chuckled, but there was no happiness in the sound.

"It's not the first time," he told her. "This has certainly been an enlightening little encounter, though. Full of other firsts."

Aro reached up and rubbed his chin.

"He's not usually like this," Bella said quietly.

"Do you think I can't hear you?" I growled. I reached forward and grabbed my glass of orange juice, wishing it was the one from last night with the vodka additive.

"Well," Aro said, "I'm glad to hear that, since this is all I ever see."

"Fuck off," I muttered under my breath.

"Edward! What is wrong with you?"

Aro huffed another laugh through his nose.

"I'd invite you over for Christmas," Aro said as he opened the door to the suite and headed out into the hallway, "but I already know your answer."

"Bye!" I called with fake enthusiasm. I wriggled my fingers sarcastically.

Yeah – sarcastic fingers.

Fucking sue me.

"What is wrong with you?" Bella said as she came back and sat down across from me.

"Nothing," I said. I stood and grabbed the last muffin off the tray. I shoved the whole thing in my mouth at once and then answered all her questions with incomprehensible mumbles for the next three minutes while I threw all our shit back into the bag.

"Edward," Bella continued as she carefully placed the last of her toiletries in the Dragon's Duffle, "he came all the way out here just to make sure you were-"

"You got everything?" I interrupted. "We need to get going."

With the last of the personal belongings accounted for, and a couple of bagels stashed in Bella's purse for later, I announced that we were leaving and stood at the door waiting for her and ignoring her protests about how we still needed to talk.

What the fuck was it with women always wanting to talk about shit that no one else thought was important?

"What's this?" Bella said, and the tone of her voice caught my attention.

I looked over to where she stood by the table where we had eaten breakfast and watched her hand rise up. Gripped in her fist was a handful of cash.

"Fucker," I muttered. "How much did he leave?"

"Three hundred," Bella said in a hushed whisper as she thumbed through it.

"Leave it," I said.

"What?" Bella's head snapped back up to meet my gaze.

"I don't fucking want it."

"Edward, we don't even have enough money for gas on the way home."

I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Fine," I growled. "You keep it. Let's go."

I didn't even bother to stop at the front desk to tell them we were checking out. I figured they would notice soon enough. Bella said nothing else as she lifted her leg to straddle the motorcycle, and I climbed on behind her.

We took off north of the city, and before too long I felt like we were right in the middle of the fucking jungle. Even as a kid, I had always lived in the city and the only vegetation around was what you planted yourself. This was completely different.

I had never seen so many trees in my life, and they were all just huge. As I watched them fly past us, I decided I didn't like them – not one bit. Part of it was just because there were too damn many of them, but mostly because I couldn't see anything around them. Unlike buildings in the middle of a city block, no one could sneak out from behind one except at the corners and doors – places easily defended.

The forest made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

I tightened my grip around Bella's waist and leaned the forehead of my helmet against the back of hers. I didn't know what she must have thought about the gesture, but she released one of the handlebars and reached behind her head to touch the edge of my jaw just below the rim of the helmet.

The remainder of the trip to Bella's hometown was pretty uneventful. We only stopped a couple of times and didn't talk much when we did. There was definitely still tension between us, and I felt it the most when Bella brought out the cash left by my uncle to fill up the gas tank of the motorcycle.

I was still pissed at that asshole for showing up there.

We drew close to the edge of a small town, and I noticed the little sign near the edge of the road advertizing the town of Forks. I wasn't really sure how you could call it a _town_, because apparently there was only the one stop light, but that's what it said on the sign. After the first few minutes I realized we were just kind of cruising around – backtracking over the same streets a couple of times. At one point we passed the local high school and a dive of a diner, but Bella didn't stop until we got towards the opposite side of town, where she pulled off the road near a small house with a big tree in the back.

I didn't see anything that looked like an Indian reservation, but I also didn't know what an Indian reservation really looked like. At the very least, I figured it would look more like a community living together – not a single house. If it was group of single houses, I would have expected more of them closer together.

Bella reached up and pulled off her helmet, so I followed suit. She stared up at the house for a few minutes before she glanced over her shoulder to look at me.

"This is the house where I lived with my dad," she told me.

Now it made sense. With a tug, I pulled her back against me a little, and she didn't resist. I kept both my feet on the road to balance the bike as she leaned back and continued to stare at the house. There was a good sized backyard that butted up against the forest, and I continued to eye the edge of woods, wondering what kinds of creatures were lurking there. The whole scene reminded me of various scary movies Emmett and I used to watch when we were young and he would stay at my house over night. We'd sneak into the basement theatre and watch all the shit we weren't really allowed to watch.

"You were, um…really young when he died, right?" I asked when I couldn't stand any more silence.

"Six," she confirmed.

"He was a cop?"

"He was the Chief of Police here in Forks," she said. "Everyone looked up to him, I think – not just me. He always said that he never wanted to live in a big city and that everyone with any sense would choose a small town."

I snickered.

"Well, maybe college will teach you some sense," I said. "Maybe you'll come back here when you graduate."

I definitely didn't like the idea, but I really didn't know what else to say. Living in a Podunk town like this would drive me up the fucking wall. I doubted this place even had a decent bar.

"I don't know," she replied with a shrug that sent her hair up my nose. "I think I kind of like living in the city."

Thank God.

"I'd suggest trying to live in another area of the city. Where we are is pretty crappy."

"Well, yes," she agreed. "I don't think I want to live right where we are forever, but there are some nice places around Masen College campus."

She looked over her shoulder again and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm sure you know all about that, though."

I sighed dramatically, and Bella went back to watching the house. I could feel the tension again, and I didn't like it.

A breeze came by and brought to my nose the scent of pine needles and fallen leaves. I blinked, and in my mind I saw the lush green lawns and tall red brick buildings of the college that had been in my mother's family for three generations. I remembered holding her hand as we walked down the long sidewalk from the dormitories to the student center where I would be able to watch the swim meets and wrestling matches.

I shook my head slightly, forcing the thoughts away. I leaned forward on the bike and pulled Bella back closer to me.

"I was supposed to go to Masen College," I said quietly into Bella's ear. "I was supposed to study business there so I could become a big shot executive and take over Dad's companies when he retired. Mom always said I had choices – I could become the president of the college instead, but I knew that was bullshit – even as a kid. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be the CFO of Twilight Silver by now."

Bella tried to turn her head to look at me, but I held her a little tighter to my chest and kept her still.

"When I left home, I realized all of that was gone. I didn't know what I was going to do, and I knew the one place I was guaranteed acceptance into a college program was Masen, but there was no way I could step foot in there again."

My chest rose and fell with a deep breath.

"I was driving past the campus when all of that hit me," I told her. "Everything about my life was going to be completely different, and you know what?"

"What?" Bella asked softly.

"I was happy about it."

Bella wriggled enough to turn in the seat and reach her hands up to my face. She looked into my eyes as she moved closer and eventually brought her lips to mine.

"We should get going," Bella said as we broke apart. "Leah's probably wondering where I am by now, and explaining you isn't going to be easy."

"Sure it is," I said. "I'm the boyfriend, remember?"

To get to the home of Bella's friend, we did have to go through the actual reservation. Whatever it was I expected to see – some weird-ass Bonanza-like scene with teepees and feathers, probably – wasn't what I got. Considering what Bella was apparently used to living around, I suddenly realized why the condition of the buildings in our neighborhood back home hadn't really fazed her.

The first few living structures we passed were nothing more than shacks made out of plywood and a few nails. There was an old guy sitting out front of one of them, cooking burgers on a charcoal grill. There were broken bicycles, part of a car, and a ton of other junk all over the yard around the shack. Weeds growing up about waist height surrounded the whole place.

As we moved further in, Bella slowed down to take a sharp turn. Though not exactly shacks, the single wide mobile homes were the next closest thing as far as I was concerned. Beyond that were half a dozen small houses which weren't in too bad of shape, though there was a still a decent amount of junk lying around them. Most of them needed a good paint job and new gutters, too.

We stopped at the last one in the row. It was definitely the smallest of the houses just to look at it, but there was also less crap in the yard. There were a few pots on the slanted front porch which looked like they probably had some flowers in them in the warmer months.

Bella and I got off the bike, and Bella pushed it a little closer to the porch as the front door flung open and a tall, lanky woman with short, stringy black hair came out.

"Bella!" she cried out as she jumped over the two steps off the porch and ran over to Bella. They hugged immediately as I stood there awkwardly. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here, too," Bella said with a pinched smile. "It feels like it has been forever."

Her friend looked over to me.

"Who's this?" she asked.

Bella looked quickly between us before making introductions.

"Edward, this is Leah," she said. "She's my best friend ever. Leah, this is Edward…my boyfriend."

Leah's eyes widened as she looked up to me and slowly reached out her hand. I returned the gesture and shook her hand quickly.

"You didn't mention him on the phone," Leah said.

"Well, Jake was there with you," Bella said with a shrug. I glared over at her because she hadn't mentioned him being on the phone at all. "He and Edward don't exactly get along."

I barked out a laugh.

"So Jacob was right," a deep voice came from the porch. "You have shacked up with some muscle head. I really thought you were better than that, Bella."

My feet immediately started carrying me towards the guy standing and leaning against the doorframe. He was a good five inches shorter than me, with long black hair hanging around his shoulders and dark eyes. Bella stepped up and blocked my way with her hand on my chest – the same way she had months ago when Jacob had come to her apartment.

"Don't even think about it," she snarled. "You told me you weren't going to do this!"

"I told you I wasn't going to _start_ anything," I corrected. "_He's_ starting it."

"No!" Bella snapped.

"He insulted you," I growled under my breath. My hands balled into fists.

"I will handle Brady," Bella said in a lowered voice. "And you will wait for me to get this shit under control, and you will not hit anyone! As a matter of fact, you aren't even going to say a word until I tell you to! Now shut up and I'll let you touch my boobs tonight."

My mouth dropped open for a moment, but I quickly closed it again. I swallowed hard as I gazed at her and realized she was completely serious. I gripped my hands into fists a couple more times and then released them as I swallowed a second time.

Bella raised an eyebrow at me pointedly.

I wasn't usually one to stay quiet, but one more look from Bella and I shut my mouth.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

So you got a little more about Edward's past. He's definitely all clammed up though, isn't he? Will he be able to keep from hitting people for the sake of boob gropes? Tune in next week to find out!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	13. Open the Mind

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday! Hope your weekend is starting off well! Everyone seemed to like Bella's boob-focused negotiation skills. I know it has always worked for me! lol

Thanks to DK for the beta reading, and definitely check out Deeper Water's questions for the reading group this week! They are very interesting!

And now, on with the show!**  
**

**"Did you kill anyone?"**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Open the Mind**

Bella turned back to the couple and quickly introduced us.

"This is Leah," she said, "and her husband, Brady."

I huffed a short breath out my nose and gave them both a slight nod.

"Brady and Leah, this is my boyfriend, Edward. He came with me."

"What the hell are you doing, Bella?" the guy asked with wide eyes. "He can't stay here!"

"Brady!" Leah said as she turned quickly to him. "It's not like he's going to be fucking me tomorrow, so what difference does it make?"

"You agree to do it," Brady said. "You agreed to all of it."

"Did I say I was backing out?"

The look on Brady's face made me wonder if he didn't hope she would do just that.

"Maybe we should take this inside?" Bella suggested, and after a bit more grumbling, I followed the rest of them up rickety wooden steps to the front door.

Inside the little house was cluttered but not dirty. The furniture was worn but not quite falling apart. Hanging on the wall in the living room, there was a big latch-hook of a wolf howling at a round, yellow moon, and there were piles of homemade candles on every available surface in the room. There were stacks of magazines next to a plastic folding chair that faced the couch, and a cardboard box that looked to be filled with mason jars sat near the door.

Like our apartment, the kitchen and living room were only partially separated, and there was a hallway that led to a couple other rooms I couldn't see. Under the kitchen table, there were stacks of canned goods, boxes of saltine crackers, and various other bought-in-bulk items. Leah brought out iced tea in plastic cups that looked like they were collected from some sporting event, but whatever logo had once graced the side was too worn to be discernible. There was a huge pile of them on the counter by the refrigerator.

I kind of felt like I was in some twenty-first century version of Sanford and Son and wondered at what point an old guy was going to escape from a back bedroom and clutch at his heart.

"You have no idea how much this means to me," Leah was saying to Bella.

"You would have done the same for me," Bella replied.

I cringed and glanced over to her, wondering if she realized what she was saying. I could tell by her expression she hadn't really considered how the words could be taken.

"I mean," Bella went on, "if I needed you…for anything…"

"I know." Leah smiled slightly.

There was a pause in the talking, which became way too long for my liking. I tried sipping the tea, but it was unsweetened, and the bitter taste hung around in the back of my throat.

"So when does all this shit go down?" I blurted out, and all eyes turned to me.

"Edward," Bella chastised.

"What?" I sent back to her. "You want to just pretend we're here for something other than a warped fuck-fest?"

"Edward!" Bella's eyes widened, and her lips mouthed _shut up_ at me.

"It's okay, Bella," Leah spoke up. "What's that pale face saying about elephants hanging out at the table or something like that?"

"It's just an elephant in the room," Brady corrected.

"Right," Leah agreed with a nod. "Brady went to the high school in town. He knows a lot more about life outside."

"How'd you manage that?" I asked, genuinely curious. "I thought you guys were all pretty much isolated here."

"We do tend to keep to ourselves," Brady said as he eyed my coolly. "But the exile is self imposed. We stay here because we choose to. I volunteered to go outside for schooling to bring knowledge back to the tribe."

His eyes shifted to Bella.

"Which is what Bella _should_ be doing."

"Brady," Leah sighed as she looked at him.

"Bella's not coming back, you hear me?" I snapped. "So just get over it."

"Edward!"

"_Bella_," I snarled sarcastically. "This whole _use the guys' names as a form of punishment_ thing is getting old."

Brady snickered under his breath.

"Brady!" Leah scolded him again.

"What did I do?"

"Just stop it," she commanded.

More silence as everyone shuffled their feet around and pretended to be interested in their drinks.

"Well?" I harped. "Is anyone going to answer my question?"

"It's tomorrow," Leah said. "As soon as the moon rises."

I couldn't help it – I rolled my eyes.

"Does the moon fuck you, too, or just watch?"

"All right, Edward!" Bella suddenly shouted as she stood up. "You are either going to stop it with the crass remarks or you are going to shut the fuck up, do you hear me?"

God, I loved her temper.

Raising an eyebrow at her, I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest without a word. She seemed to understand my answer, so she sat back down and turned to Leah.

"I have to admit, this isn't a ritual I know a lot about," Bella said.

I had to actually squeeze my lips together to keep quiet.

"It takes place up on the hill near that meadow," Leah said. "You remember the one?"

"Yes, I know it," Bella said. She glanced at me sideways but quickly looked away again. "There are a lot of ceremonies held there."

"I'll be in the center," Leah continued, "and all the women of the tribe will stand around me in a circle with their husbands behind them. The single men stand further behind, either near their mothers, or sisters, or some other woman who is there to represent them."

Leah paused for a moment to collect herself.

"Billy will start the ceremony with an offering, and then…and then Brady goes first."

"Ultimately, it will still be my child," Brady said. "So it starts with me."

This time I had to ball my hands into fists and only barely resisted the urge to actually muffle myself with a hand in my mouth.

"If Brady had any male relatives, they would go next," Leah explained. "Since he doesn't, it will go by the men who have already fathered the most children, and then by age – oldest to youngest – of the men without children."

Bella looked down at her hands and nodded.

"And you're really going to do this?"

"It's our way, Bella," Brady said in a cold voice. "Maybe you should remember that."

"Careful," I growled under my breath. He glanced at me before looking back to Bella.

"We have to do it for the tribe," he said. "We don't have to like it, but it's our decision."

"Leah?" Bella turned to her friend.

"Well, the good news is," Leah said with a half smile, "that I'll be fairly drugged up the whole time. Makes everything a little easier on me."

Bella's eyes met my questioning ones.

"Peyote," she said simply. "It's used in a lot of the rituals."

"You ever do it?" I asked. My hands tried to tremble, but I kept them locked into fists to keep them still.

"Yes," she replied, but didn't elaborate.

Leah told us about a few more details of the ceremony and how Bella was mostly to be there for her afterwards. She didn't go into the details about what they were going to do, only that I wasn't invited.

"Can he stay here?" Bella asked. "I mean – while I'm with you?"

Leah looked quickly to Brady, who just scowled at her.

"They came all this way," she said to him.

He turned the glare to me for a minute, then got up off his chair and headed for the kitchen.

"Fine," he grumbled as he walked away. "But he's bringing beer."

"I'll buy it," Bella said as she looked over to me. I knew what she was saying – that Aro would be buying it. I just shrugged.

The two women continued talking, the conversation diverting to people they knew on the res and also in town. I took the opportunity to sneak outside for a smoke. I stood on the little porch and leaned on the slightly slanted railing, pulled out a cigarette, and blew smoke into the misty air. As I stood there, the mist turned to steady rain, so I took a step back to make sure I was completely covered by the roof of the porch.

I heard a sound to my left and glanced over to watch Brady open and close the front door quietly. I looked back out into the dirt driveway and watched the potholes fill with water from the rain.

"Could I have one of those?" he asked.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out just what the hell he was doing, but the desire at least seemed genuine. I grabbed the pack out of my back pocket and pulled one out. I handed it and the lighter to him, and Brady lit up. He coughed a couple of times, which made me smirk.

"I don't really smoke anymore," he said.

As if I couldn't tell.

He took a couple more puffs to get used to it, and then tried inhaling again. He handed the lighter back to me with a quick _thanks_ and stared out into the rain.

"So, how does this work?" I asked, partially because I was curious, but also because I felt like being an asshole. "You stand outside in the rain and watch guys fuck your wife or what?"

He tensed, and I felt my body react the same way in a natural, defensive gesture.

"No," he said through clenched teeth. "It's a sacred ceremony."

I tried to keep myself from snorting out loud, but I failed.

"Never heard a gang bang called _sacred_ before."

"You know," he snapped as he turned towards me, "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Well, you are right there," I agreed. "I wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on Bella – not for any reason."

"It's not the same at all," he said. "It's not like we're…fuck it. You don't get it so there's no point in talking about it."

"So why don't you enlighten me?" I suggested as I tried to hold my sarcasm at bay. "Go ahead and justify this shit, if you can."

Brady sighed and took a drag on the cigarette. He seemed to be getting the hang of it.

"We're dying," he said quietly as smoke curled around his long hair, "in a very literal way. Every year we lose more people to death than we have births. If we don't do something about it, we will cease to be. The tribe would be no more."

"It's because of the fucking inbreeding, you know."

"I know enough," he said with a nod. "It was one of the reasons I went to school in Forks – they were offering a course in genetics. We do look outside the tribe to strengthen the gene pool, but it's not that simple. There are very few people who aren't born to this life that seem to like the idea of coming to it. We're simple."

"You mean you're poor," I corrected.

"That, too." Brady moved a couple of steps away, which allowed me to relax a little. "That's why people like Bella are so important to us. She may not have been born here, but she grew up here. She understands us better than other outsiders."

"That's a crock of bullshit," I said.

He stared at me through narrowed eyes but did not reply.

"Did you entice all the lovely ladies with promises of orgies?" My sarcasm came out again with full throttle.

"This isn't what I want, you know!" he shouted back. "If there was another option, don't you think I'd take it? Do you think I want her to have to go through this?"

"I dunno, maybe you get off on it."

"Fuck you," he spat. "Like you're any better than us."

"Maybe not," I said. "But I wouldn't put up with this shit."

"I supposed I should be impressed that you hit people for a living," Brady sneered. "Like hanging out in some crappy bar pummeling people is something you can consider a long-term goal. You gonna support a wife on that? You gonna tell your kids '_it's okay, it's the good sort of beating people up – and they're asking for it_!'"

"Kiss my ass!" I snapped. "You don't know a fucking thing about what you are saying, so shut your goddamn mouth."

He laughed.

"Yeah, that's what I figured," he said. "You don't know anything about us, but you think you can stand there and judge me. I don't know why I should be shocked that doing the same to you pisses you off."

There was something deeply flawed in his logic, I was sure, but I couldn't come up with exactly what it was at the time. It did make me wonder what it was like to be in his shoes. I was certainly familiar enough with the idea of family expectations weighing on your conscience. The main difference was that when push came to shove – I got the fuck out. He was going to stay here and put up with it.

He finished the last of the cigarette, stubbed it out on the bottom of his shoe, and tossed it into a metal bucket at the edge of the porch. There seemed to be a couple of cigar nubs in there, too. I did the same with mine and then followed him back inside the house.

Bella's eyes jumped to us as soon as we walked in together. She took one look at me and then quickly appraised Brady's condition, likely looking for bruises or busted lips. I gave her a look, and she blushed as she looked away.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who had just about had enough of the day. Leah excused herself to go collect blankets, and Brady poked around in the kitchen claiming he had something to do. As far as I could tell, he was rearranging the silverware drawer.

I might have felt bad for them both if it wasn't for…

Nah – I did feel bad for them.

Leah brought over some blankets and pillows, and then danced back and forth on her feet before speaking.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but I wasn't expecting two. Even if I was, I'm not sure where I'd put you."

"I'm fine on the floor," I jumped in. Before Bella could protest, I placed a couple fingers over her lips. "Don't argue – just take the couch."

She nodded, I removed my fingers, and Leah placed worn sheets, blankets, and pillows on the couch for Bella. She gave me a thick blanket for more padding, and I arranged it on the floor next to the couch. Leah and Bella said their goodnights, and the couple headed to their own bedroom.

There was a nosy little part of me that wondered if they were going to have sex tonight. Maybe that _one last hurrah_ before she gets passed around.

I shuddered.

"So you didn't talk her out of it?" I asked.

"No," Bella said. "She doesn't want to be talked out of it. She wants a baby, this is the way she plans to get it, and I have to respect that."

"Respect the unrespectable?"

Bella dropped down onto the floor near the edge of the couch and crossed her legs.

"It's no different than if she was doing the opposite."

"I have no idea what that means."

"I mean," Bella continued, "if she wanted to _not_ have a baby instead of wanting to _have_ one. I don't approve of abortion, but if my friend decided she needed one…well, I would help however I could. It wouldn't be something I would choose for myself, but it's her decision. I have to honor what she chooses to do. That's what friends are for."

"Fucked up," I muttered for the hundredth time.

I moved around the plastic chair, newspapers, and various other crap on the floor and sat down next to Bella with my back leaning against the edge of the couch. My ass hit the floor with a bit of a twinge, and I was really glad to be off of the damn motorcycle for a while. I stretched my legs out and flexed my ankles until my backside loosened up a little.

"Did you and Brady have a nice talk?" Bella asked. There was a little table next to the couch that must have been intended as a nightstand because there were two good sized drawers in it. Bella was taking stuff out of the bag and putting it in the drawers. "You were out there a long time with him."

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, ignoring her question. I pointed my finger back and forth between the bag and the nightstand drawer.

"Putting things away," she said with a shrug.

"You've been in the apartment for a month, and you've kept most of your shit in your suitcase," I told her. "But here you put everything away. You did that in the hotel, too."

She wouldn't meet my eyes and just shrugged again, which pissed me off.

"You go on about how I won't say anything," I grumbled. "Maybe it's time for you to talk."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye but didn't stop taking things out of the Gorgon's Gunnysack and placing them in the drawer.

"You don't think that's a little incongruous?"

"I think you using the word _incongruous_ is incongruous."

"Nice." I reached up and scratched at the back of my head. "How about me using the word _double standard_?"

"That's two words."

"Well, at least my math sucks, huh? Does that fit better with your impression of me?"

She stopped shoving things in the drawer and seemed to slump a bit.

"I know this is temporary," Bella said. She waved her hand in the direction of the open drawer. "I'll put these things in here, and then in a couple of days or so I'll take them back out and go home. Same thing with the hotel."

She paused and fiddled with the strap on the bag. She took a deep breath, licked her lips, and then continued.

"But at the apartment…" She paused again to consider her words. "Everything is different there. I don't even know what to call it – _your_ apartment, _my_ apartment, _our_ apartment – nothing seems right, so it's just _the_ apartment. You call it that, too."

"I do?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Right now it just feels surreal," she continued. "Like I'm going to wake up at some point and figure out that leaving the res was all a dream."

"More like a nightmare," I retorted. "I mean. Where you left was the nightmare. Whatever – that didn't come out right."

"It wasn't," she said. "I know you've mostly heard the bad stuff, but there are good people here. They're all kind of like a big family. They take care of each other, and they took care of me. I miss it."

That comment sent a chill over my skin.

"You're making a new home," I told her. "Isn't that what you want?"

I hoped it was.

"Yes," she said. "And I don't want to come back, but I still miss parts of it. Leah especially. She always makes me feel welcome here."

"And I don't," I said.

"I didn't say that."

I reached over and placed my hand on the side of her face. My fingers made slow circles over the edge of her jaw. I had no idea what the right things to say were – I just knew I didn't want her to feel like she wasn't welcome where we lived now.

"Unpack your things," I whispered. "I want you to stay there."

Her teeth worried her lip, and she continued to look off to the side. I moved my head over until I was in her line of sight.

"I want you to stay there," I repeated.

"Even if I don't have sex with you?" she asked.

"Why do you keep harping on that?"

"Because it's what you want," she replied. She moved her head away, effectively pulling out of my grasp. "You said it yourself – you don't do relationships. You're in it for the sex, and you aren't getting any."

If she had yelled it at me, I would have found it hot, but the way she said it – so quiet, and tired, and defeated – it just made my chest clench up instead.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked her. "Didn't we talk about this before?"

"Yes," she admitted. "But when Aro said…when he just assumed I was bought and paid for…it just made me realize the people who have known you the longest probably know better than I do."

"Fucker," I snarled. "I should have kicked him while he was down for saying that shit to you."

"It's true though, isn't it?" She turned her eyes to me, and my chest tightened up again.

"No," I said, "it isn't. And beyond that, Aro _doesn't_ know me. None of them do."

"Well, I don't know you either," Bella said. The venom had crept back into her voice. "You don't tell me anything about you."

"You know everything important," I shrugged. I reached over and tried to take her hand, but she pulled away again.

"How you got to where you are," Bella said, "is important. I want to know, Edward. I want to know about what happened to you and why you are the way you are."

"How am I, exactly?"

"Cold," she said without hesitation.

"That's not what you say at night," I replied as I wriggled my eyebrows.

"You see?" Bella jumped right back into it. "It's shit like that. I say something like that, and you respond with a half-assed joke instead of being pissed about it, or upset, or whatever. You're indifferent to everything around you, and I want to know why."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why does it matter?"

Bella's chest rose and fell with her breaths as she tilted her head to look at me.

"I need to know how I can fit into this," she said. "I can't figure that out if you don't tell me anything. If I can't figure it out, well…"

She let her voice trail off as she shrugged and looked away from me.

"Well what?" I snapped. I tried to keep my voice down so the couple in the other room wouldn't hear us. "Well, then you'll just say _fuck it_ and move on? Is that what you mean? Are you _threatening_ me?"

"No," she said quickly. "I'm not. I don't mean to be, anyway. It's just…I have to have more, Edward."

"More?"

"I want to know more about you. More about your past."

"You don't want to know," I told her, hoping it was true, or that I could at least convince her it was. I shifted uneasily on the floor.

"You have a habit of telling me what I want," Bella replied. "Maybe you could let me decide that once in a while."

I ignored her sarcasm.

"Can't we just make out instead?"

She immediately moved back away from me and looked at me pointedly. There was just no winning with her and her stubbornness. My best bet was to just get her to sleep, so I went with that angle. After all, it had worked pretty well the night before.

"You need to sleep," I said.

"So tell me a bedtime story."

"That shit isn't going to help you sleep."

Her hand ran down the side of my face and rested lightly on my shoulder. Her eyes were drooping, and I was hoping she would just crawl onto the couch and drop off into slumber.

"Tell me the real reason Tanya was mad about what you were eating."

No such luck.

I turned my head to stare at the curtains covering the window, hoping she would get the hint and let it go, but also knowing she wasn't going to do so.

"Edward," Bella sighed, and she reached up with her finger to run it over my jaw as she turned my head to face her more. Like a total idiot, I looked into her eyes again. Even in the subdued light, they were bright and shining. "I want to know. Please tell me."

All my resolve crumbled.

"What do you want to know?" I asked with an exaggerated groan.

"Tell me about Tanya," Bella said. "Tell me how you met."

The very idea made my skin crawl. There was definitely a significant part of me that couldn't believe I was considering doing the one and only thing I always swore to myself I wouldn't do – think about any of it. How was I supposed to talk about it without thinking about it? Images I didn't want to see were already flashing around in my head.

Glancing at her, I met with her eyes again. I didn't know what her look meant – if it was a need to know more about the man she was with before making any real decisions, if she wanted to get under my skin, or if she was just curious. Whatever it was, I wanted to give it to her, and the thought scared me.

"Fine," I said, "but I'm smoking while we talk."

"Deal!" she said with a genuine smile that loosened the tightness still hovering in the center of my chest.

We stepped quietly through the front door, and Bella made herself comfortable on the top of the wooden step while I lit up. She just sat there without saying a word until I got the idea and started talking.

"Tanya...found me," I told her. I took a big breath and leaned my head against a four-by-four that held part of the porch roof up. I looked down, no longer meeting her eyes. "I was…not doing well. I needed money…and she found me. She recognized me and took me back to her place. She got me to straighten up, got me back in shape, and has kind of been some combination of trainer and mother ever since then."

"She recognized you?" Bella asked.

"Yeah," I said with a nod, secretly glad she chose that portion to focus on. "Tanya was a trainer then, too, but she had a side job. She used to go around to high school competitions scouting talent for some agent on the side. She was at a wrestling competition I won the year before."

I laughed humorlessly.

"She only barely recognized me. I'd lost about forty pounds since leaving."

"Leaving where?"

I glanced at her for a moment.

"My parents threw me out," I said. "I um…I had some money in the beginning, but it doesn't last as long as you think it will, ya know?"

"Yes, I do," Bella said with a nod.

"I was kicked out of where I had been living," I told her. "Well…sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't just…get kicked out of the place," I finally said. I glanced over to Bella and saw her sitting there, patient as ever.

"Why won't you just tell me?" she asked quietly.

"Because," I growled, "what I have now is shit. If you knew how bad I was…fuck, you'd probably never want to even look at me."

"Do you really think I would turn away from you because you had a rough time of it?" Bella asked. "You think I don't know something bad happened to you? Do you think I can't see that? Do you think I'm that blind?"

I looked into her eyes and forced myself to stay looking at her, even though it hurt.

"I wasn't kicked out because I couldn't pay rent," I told her. "I was squatting there."

"Squatting?" Bella asked through narrowed eyes.

"Yeah – you know, just hanging out there. I didn't have a lease or anything; I just broke in and stayed there. It was me and a couple other guys and one chick. We were all just living there."

"And you got caught," Bella surmised.

"Yeah, I'd been homeless for a while before then, but that's the point when I was really living on the streets. Before I had a car I was sleeping in."

"How old were you?" she asked.

"Eighteen," I told her. "What's funny is I had quite a bit of money then."

"If you had money, why didn't you just rent the place?"

This was it. This was going to be the point of no return. This was very likely the thing that was going to make her turn and run for the hills. Unfortunately, it wasn't the only confession in a long list of sins.

"Because…because…" I took a long deep breath, closed my eyes, and blurted out the rest. "Because I was a junkie. I didn't want to use the money for rent because then there wouldn't be enough for heroin. I had a nice car when I left my parents' house, and I sold it so I could buy more smack and needles and shit to get high. I was a strung out junkie when Tanya found me near the gym where she worked."

I kept my eyes closed, half waiting for her to run off into the rain. My hands were shaking, and even holding them in fists against my thighs wasn't working. After a minute or two, when I knew she was still there beside me, I looked at her again.

"How long?" she asked. "How long have you been off it? I mean – you _are_ off it, right? I would have noticed if you were doing something like that-"

"Years," I confirmed. My voice managed to obtain a hint of desperation. "Ever since the last time – the time Tanya was going on about when I gained too much and got the shit kicked out of me. That was the only relapse I ever had. I swear – I'm totally clean now. Over six years – I swear!"

"I believe you," Bella said simply. She stood up, stood beside me, and laid her hand on my cheek.

"You do?" I asked quietly.

"Of course," she replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

"There's more," I said. I had to swallow hard, but I kept talking. "I did shit – a lot of shit I'm absolutely not going to talk about, but it was bad. I would have done anything for the drugs."

"Did you kill anyone?"

A lump lodged in my trachea.

"No," I whispered, wishing I could believe I wasn't responsible for it myself. "But I've seen a lot of death."

Her fingers traced over the edge of my jaw, scratching at the scruff that had formed over our trip.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?"

"Giving me some of you," she replied. She stood up on her toes and pressed her lips to mine.

"Will you unpack when we get home?" I asked. "In _our_ apartment?"

She chuckled.

"If you really want me to."

"I really do."

She rose up on her toes again and ran the fingers of both hands on either side of my jaw and up into my hair. Her head came forward slowly, and she brought our lips together again.

"I really hope you mean that," she said quietly.

"I do mean it," I told her. I pressed my lips back to hers as I wrapped one arm around her back to bring her a little closer to me. We kissed softly for a minute, and then Bella pulled away reluctantly.

"We really should sleep," she said. "Tomorrow is going to be insane."

"Well, I can't argue with the second part of that," I said.

We went back inside, and I settled myself on the floor. Bella climbed over me and onto the couch, and I lay down on my back below her. I knew right away that I wasn't going to be able to sleep where I was. Despite the extra padding, the floor was pretty damn uncomfortable. That didn't bother me so much – I'd slept in much worse places – but listening to Bella breath and not touch her was driving me batty.

I closed my eyes and just lay there for a while. After the first few minutes, I felt something against my arm and moved the opposite hand to grasp Bella's fingers. She sighed but didn't say anything. The physical touch helped, but it wasn't quite enough to let me doze off.

Several minutes later, I heard her soft voice.

"Edward?" she whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. I opened my eyes but couldn't really see much other than dark blobby shapes that were either slightly darker or slightly lighter than the other dark blobby shapes around them.

"I can't sleep."

"Me either," I said.

"I think I'm used to soft beds," she said with a quiet giggle.

The slight laughter ended quickly, and I felt her fingers tighten around mine. I took in a deep breath and then sat up straight.

"Scoot up," I said.

"Scoot up?"

"Yeah – move so you're at the edge of the couch."

"Edward, we are not both going to fit on here."

"Just do it."

Bella shifted, and I climbed over the top of her and wedged myself in between the back of the couch and the back of Bella. I wrapped one arm securely around her waist and slid the other in the crack of the cushion so I could reach around her head and bring it to my shoulder.

"Is this your way of getting to touch my boobs?"

"No," I told her. "When I do that, I want to have time to enjoy it. Maybe we'll stay at one of my uncle's hotels on the way back."

"Hmm…that might be nice."

"You'd like that?"

"Yeah, I would," she said. "I'd never been to a hotel like that before."

"Well, maybe we'll get one of the regular rooms and use the left over money to pay for it. I don't need him showing up at the crack of dawn and interrupting my fun again."

"Maybe." Bella shuffled around a little bit to get comfortable. "But that suite was amazing."

It was entirely possible that I was going to have to do a little more pride swallowing. Bella shifted again.

"I'm going to fall off," she said.

"I'm not going to let you fall," I told her. I tucked my face into her hair and inhaled before touching my lips to the edge of her ear. "Go to sleep."

Her body rose and fell with a deep breath, but she settled against me, and soon I could hear the regulated breathing of sleep. I tightened my grip a little and lay my head next to hers, trying to force thoughts of the past from my mind.

I fell asleep with a vague memory of the smell of sweat and a bitter taste in the back of my throat.

…

I woke to soft, female voices.

"I can't believe you're sleeping like that."

Bella shook with quiet laughter.

"He gets kind of a death-grip," she said. "He's like this every night."

"So you _are_ living with him?" Leah asked for confirmation.

"Yes. It wasn't really planned, it just sort of…happened."

"I had it all planned from the beginning," I mumbled with my eyes closed. "Welcome to my parlor and all that shit."

Bella laughed aloud as she turned slightly to smack my arm.

"You did not!"

She wriggled, and I abruptly released her from my grasp, and she fell to the floor with a thump. Leah laughed and walked away from us and into the kitchen. I rolled over and peered over the edge of the couch. Bella lay on her back with a surprised look on her face. Her hair was all over the place – and from the position on her back, it framed her face in a wild tangle of frizzy strands.

"Your hair looks like a haystack," I told her.

"Thanks a lot!"

I gave her a half smile.

"You're beautiful," I told her as she sat up and tried to calm the mass of hair.

"I'm surprised I have any hair left," she mused, "the way you are always trying to use your nose to build a nest in it!"

I laughed.

"You smell good," I said with another smile. "If I could figure out what you were putting on your hair that smelled like that, I'd probably just bathe in it."

"You are _not_ right!" she announced.

"Anyone want breakfast?" Leah stood near the wall by the kitchen and held up a tray of what appeared to be gigantic muffins.

Bella quickly fumbled around inside her purse and came up with a hair band without too much trouble. I was always surprised at how quickly she managed to find shit in there. I peered over the edge of the Purse of Doom – feeling brave – and glimpsed inside as she wrapped her hair up in a bun at the top of her head. I couldn't figure out what any of the shit in there was, and I quickly retreated until I was a safe distance from the potential event horizon of the thing.

After breakfast – which was awesome, though I wouldn't eat more than one of the huge things – Bella pulled me to the side.

"Well, she still intends to go through with it," Bella informed me. "I'm going to stick with her today and help her get ready."

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked, trying not to sound petulant.

"Can you keep Brady company?"

"Seriously?"

"He's nervous and freaking out," Bella whispered as she glanced over her shoulder. "I don't know what you said to him last night, but he keeps asking her if she's sure she wants to do it. She does – I can see that now – but he's not so sure anymore, and that's got her all upset. He needs to be there for her as much as I do."

"This is too fucked up," I mumbled under my breath.

"Please, Edward," Bella implored, and I couldn't bring myself to say no.

So as the women-folk locked themselves in the bedroom, I was stuck trying to entertain myself all day with a guy who I really didn't want to be anywhere near. Lucky for me, he didn't seem to be much in a talking mood. For the most part, we smoked cigarettes and drank beer on the porch in silence.

As the afternoon dredged on, Brady was getting more and more tense. I was trying to make sure he paced himself and ate something throughout the day so he wasn't totally shit-faced by the time we were supposed to go to whatever fucked up little magical alter in the woods where this was all going to take place. I glanced over at Brady's empty bottle between his hands, noticed the condition of my own, and figured it was time for another.

"Want me to grab you one?" I asked as I stood up.

Brady just nodded, so I headed inside to the fridge. Through the window, I stared at the water pouring from the sky and wondered if it was ever going to fucking stop. How was it that the whole reservation didn't just float into the sea? I also wondered if my jacket was going to be enough to keep me from being absolutely soaked before the whole thing was done.

I couldn't believe I was actually going to hang out and watch a public train.

Before I got back to the front door, I heard an unfortunately familiar voice.

"Where'd the bike come from?"

"Bella," Brady replied.

With determination – but for what, I wasn't sure – I opened the door and stepped back out on the porch. Douche Bag looked up immediately.

"You have to be fucking kidding me," Jacob growled.

I was never one to turn down boobs, but punching this asshole in the face just might be worth the loss.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

I always thought canon Edward's comment about Bella "haystack" hair to be extremely rude... lol!

What did you think of Edward's confessions to Bella?

How's this little romp with Jacob going to turn out?

See you all next Friday! Don't be late!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	14. Take the Plunge

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

And here we are again, THoA's Horas! It's like the weeks just fly by, and I can't believe we're on chapter 14 already. Average chapter length for this story? 6000-7000 words. This one? Exactly 10,000 words! It makes my OCD heart happy.

Hang on tight for this one...

**"You're nothing but his whore now."**

**"_Motherfucker_!"**

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Take the Plunge**

There was a part of me that was highly amused by the whole thing. I could tell by the wide eyed look Douche Bag flickered between me and Brady that he had no idea I was here. I could also tell by Brady's nonchalant attitude that he didn't mind me being there anymore, and he also didn't give a shit that Jacob was pissed off about it.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Jacob yelled at Brady. "Do you know who this asshole is?"

"He came with Bella," Brady replied.

"He's the one I warned you about!" he continued to yell.

I walked casually over to Brady and handed him his beer. My eyes turned to Jacob, and I kept looking at him as I tilted my own beer to my lips just as casually, then pulled out a smoke and lit it.

"You want one?" I asked Brady.

"Yeah," he replied.

Holding in the smirk was impossible as I handed Brady a cigarette, then held out my lighter, flicked it, and lit the smoke for him. I knew how friendly and natural the whole action would look from Jacob's point of view, and the only thing that might have amused me more would be him walking up on me squeezing Bella's ass with my tongue down her throat.

Yeah, I could be a dick when I wanted to be.

"You don't smoke!" Jacob informed him.

Brady just shrugged as he inhaled. He had definitely gotten the hang of it over the past day, and he blew the smoke out in a long cloud into the air. Jake just looked back and forth between us for a minute, and I just tried to hold in the smirk and look like I was more interested in my beer than anything else going on around me. Finally, he glared at me again.

"You are not welcome here," the douche bag said to me.

"I'm just hanging out," I said. "You know – supporting my girlfriend while she supports his wife."

I gestured towards Brady with my thumb a couple of times as I let the word _girlfriend_ slip out just as casually and accidentally as I had lit Brady's cigarette. Jacob's face darkened, but his back straightened up as he seemed to get control over himself. He stood taller as he turned to Brady.

"The reservation is for the tribe," Jacob said to the man sitting on the top step of the porch. I leaned against a post behind him, which I hoped would continue to hold the roof up even with the extra force of my shoulder against it. "You know how outsiders can affect us, and you were already told about this one and how he has influenced one of our own. How can you let him stand there?"

Brady glanced over his shoulder and up at me. The doubt in his eyes was obvious, along with the same sorrow and confusion that had been there all day. The tension around his eyes lessened as he looked at me, and he gave me a bit of a grin. Jacobs little speech might have been pretty once, but it wasn't hitting home for Brady any more – I could see that, and assumed Jake could, too.

"He seems okay," Brady said with a shrug. "He's definitely no worse than that asshole Eric you hung out with from Forks High. Besides, he's with Bella, and you were always going on about how Bella was one of us, no matter what she looked like."

More smirking, because I was pretty sure those same words had once been used by Jacob, against Brady. From Jacob's narrowed eyes, I knew I was right. Brady leaned back a little and sipped his beer, and Jacob must have decided to ignore him.

"I said you aren't welcome here," he told me again.

"And I pretty much ignored you," I replied. "You wanna go for round two?"

"Always about the fighting, isn't it?" he said. "Always about the violence. Have you hit her yet?"

"Fuck you," I said with a glare.

"You are not one of us!" he bellowed.

"Well, you got that right," I replied as I waved my hand over towards Brady and then back behind me and towards the house. "I wouldn't stand for this shit."

"You told him all about it?" Jacob asked him in disbelief. "You aren't supposed to tell anyone about our rituals!"

"What does it matter?"

"Damnit, Brady!" Jacob yelled. "I told you about him and how he's screwing around with her! You really want her involved with someone like that?"

Brady looked over to me, and his shoulders rose and fell again.

"I dunno," he replied quietly. "I mean, he seems okay, and Bella really seems to like him. I mean – it's not like what he's doing is illegal or whatever."

"He fights in a fucking bar for cash," Jacob snarled. He was losing the cool façade he had been trying to keep up, and it was funny.

"Yeah, and you do what?" Brady snapped back. "Wait around for your dad to retire or die so you can get the government checks as chief? It's not like you're doing anything all that noteworthy."

"What the hell?" Jacob threw his hands up in the air. "This guy is around for a couple hours and has you poisoned against your own people?"

"I'm not poisoned!" Brady said. He pushed himself off the steps and stumbled a little. "Everything I'm doing today is about our people! You think I want this? You think I want to watch you lose your virginity with my wife?"

It just figured.

Jacob's hands clenched into fists, and he looked away from us with a tensed jaw. I was pretty sure his complexion was the only thing hiding his embarrassment.

I couldn't help myself – I snorted out a laugh.

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about getting her actually turned on or anything," I said with a nasty, cocky smile. "By the time you get to her, she'll be so full of cum you ought to be able to slide in pretty easi-"

The punch to my face wasn't from the direction I expected it to be and caught me off guard. I spun to my right, caught my balance before I fell over, and then looked to Brady as I righted myself. He was standing with his legs spread slightly and knees bent. His hands were still in fists like he was ready to take me on fully, but I just held my palm out to him as I stood up straight.

"You're such a tough guy," Jake sneered, his own embarrassment forgotten for the moment. "You don't even defend yourself?"

"No reason to," I replied as I rubbed at my chin. It was a pretty good hit for a guy without much muscle. "I deserved that one."

"Yes you fucking did," Brady growled.

"I know dude – sorry. My mouth is on its own sometimes."

Brady narrowed his eyes for a second and then nodded briefly as his hands relaxed again at his sides. He bent over and picked up his dropped cigarette and spilled beer.

"You just don't get it," Brady said quietly. "Leah wants a baby, and I haven't been able to give her one. What else am I going to do? We don't have health insurance, and there's no way we could afford going through a doctor to have it done."

"You're doing it for your people," Jacob said. He smiled down at Brady as he nodded.

"I'd do anything for her," Brady said. He got this far away, dazed look in his eye, and I figured I shouldn't have given him another beer.

"Yeah, we had that discussion," I reminded him. I rubbed at my chin a bit more, and it was pretty achy.

"You have got to be kidding me," Jacob grumbled as he looked between Brady and me. "What's next? He going to join in the ceremony?"

"Hell no," I replied.

"He's going to be there," Brady said.

"I am?" I responded. I was definitely going to need more beer. I wondered if the peyote would maybe be in a little bowl next to the chips and dip.

Brady shrugged.

"You're with Bella," he said simply. "You'll stand with her."

"Until she comes to her senses," Jacob sneered. "Now that she's back home, she'll remember where her place is!"

"Bella has a home," I said as I narrowed my eyes at him. "With me."

"Come on, Jake," Brady moaned. "This shit is hard enough as it is. Can you just lay off for tonight?"

"I can't believe you are taking his side over-"

The front door opened then, and Jacob halted his little rant as Bella came outside. She had changed her clothes and wore a fitted shirt and long skirt that looked like it was made of soft, tan leather. There were green beads down the arms and sides, creating a line all the way to the bottom of the skirt.

Bella looked at Jacob and then quickly looked over to me. I could see her checking out the side of my face, and I wondered how much of a mark there might be.

"You're fighting already?" she glared at me.

"I'm just taking the hits here, baby," I said with a smile. "No blood, no foul."

Bella looked to Brady then, who nodded and confirmed my story.

"It's true," he said. "I hit him, and we're all good."

"You're what?" Bella's eyes darted between us in disbelief, and I would have been lying if I said it didn't amuse the hell out of me.

"It's all good, babe – really." I raised up my bottle, and Brady did the same before draining the rest of it.

"Babe?" she repeated with an eye roll. "Really?"

"You prefer _sugar_? Pumpkin? Muffin?"

Bella groaned.

"I told you to stay away from him," Jacob said. His voice was dark as he pointed a finger at her.

Bella didn't look at him or respond. Instead, she turned to Brady.

"Leah wasn't sure who was driving us up there," she said.

"Well," Brady answered as he glanced from me to the douche bag, "Jake was supposed to take me and the guys – Quil, Jared, and Embry. Sue was going to pick you and Leah up. Um…Edward could ride with us…?"

His voice trailed off, and he looked over at Jacob as he spoke the half-question. Jacob rolled his eyes and looked away. I considered punching him just for being rude, but Bella turned sideways right at the same time and I got a good look at boob profile. Reminded of my goal, I took a long breath to calm down.

"He is not going," Jacob said with certainty.

"Jacob," Bella said quietly. "I want him there."

"Doesn't matter what any of you want," I said. "If Bella goes, I go. End of discussion."

"You don't have any rights here," Jacob informed me. "You don't get a say in this."

"Tribe and tradition first," Brady suddenly spoke up. "Right Jacob?"

"Always."

"Above our own wants and desires."

"Exactly."

"So, Leah chose Bella to be with her – as per our tradition," Brady surmised. "And as a member of our tribe – like you always say she is – Bella can bring her significant other with her, even if he's not Quileute."

Jacob's eyes darkened.

"So he rides with us," Brady proclaimed with a smile.

"Okay with me," I shrugged.

The anger behind Jacob's eyes was undeniable, but there was also resignation. Brady had fought him at his own game and won.

"Who knows?" Brady said as he raised his hands up with the palms towards the sky. "Maybe he'll see how awesome we are and decide to move back here with Bella after college."

"Over my dead body," Jacob mumbled under his breath.

"Arrange-able," I replied with a raised eyebrow.

He was about to say something, but a noise from behind me caught the attention of all. Leah stepped through the doorway in the strangest dress I had even seen. It was mostly earth tones but with some orange and blue worked into it with beads – hundreds and hundreds of beads. They made geometric patterns all across the top half of the body of it and around most of the sleeves as well. It was high necked, long sleeved, and covered her completely. As I looked closely, I thought the image in the center of the dress – over her stomach – was maybe supposed to look like a turtle.

It was…_interesting_. I suppose it was beautiful if you like that kind of thing, but it wasn't the least bit sexy, which I guess is what I thought it would have looked like given the circumstances.

"You're beautiful," Brady said with a wide, genuine smile. "My mother's dress fits perfectly."

"Thank you," Leah said simply.

"Your mother's?" I heard myself ask.

"She wore it a long time ago," Brady said.

"Brady was conceived in a ritual like this one," Bella informed me quietly.

I just shook my head slowly, not really knowing which parts of all of this were the most disturbing. I turned to Bella, and she reached out and pulled me by the arm until we were a few feet away from the rest of the group. Jacob and Brady went back to talking to each other, and Leah stood on the porch and watched the road.

"You sure you don't want to just go to that shit-hole diner in town for a cup of coffee instead?" I suggested, hoping maybe there was still a chance of avoiding watching any of this shit going down. I couldn't have been less interested if someone told me we were going to watch gay porn all night.

Bella looked up at me through her lashes with a coy smile.

"Edward Cullen!" she exclaimed. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

The tension that had been building in me dissipated as the corners of her mouth turned up.

"I've never taken you on a date," I realized.

"No, you have not," she said. "Actually, I've never really been on a date. I mean, Jacob and I sort of went to prom, but since we didn't have money for the tickets or suitable clothing, we just went to a party out on the beach and called it prom. I don't know if that counts or not."

"It doesn't," I decided – not because I didn't think it _should_ count, but because I didn't want it to.

"Well then, I've never been on a date at all."

"I guess I ought to fix that," I told her.

"When we get home, I'm going to hold you to that," Bella said.

"Deal," I replied. "And I want to point out that through restraint to rival that of Atlas himself, I haven't punched anyone yet."

"Yet?" Bella took a slight step back and crossed her arms.

"Hey, the night ain't over."

She turned her head to look at where Jacob and Brady were still talking softly to each other, then to Leah, and then back to me.

"I didn't know he was going to show up here," she said. "I didn't think we'd see him until we got to the ceremony. Sorry about that – I should have warned you or something."

"You can't warn me about something you don't know is going to happen," I said. "Besides, I don't need a warning about Douche Bag. He's too weak and too stupid to worry me."

"Be careful," she said. "Jacob has a lot of support here."

"It's all good," I said, trying to reassure her. "Just keep your distance from him, okay? I don't want you around him unless I'm there."

"He's not going to do anything to me," Bella said, but her eyes betrayed her words.

"Shitty liar," I reminded her. "You had to hide out to get away from him before."

"Well, I don't think he'll do anything with you here," she clarified.

"Yeah, me either," I agreed. "That's why I want you to stay close."

I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her body close to mine, and then pressed my lips to the top of her head. Jacob looked over at us then, and I made a point of sliding my hand lower to rest on her ass. He glared, and I raised an eyebrow at him as I gave her a little squeeze.

"You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?" Bella accused.

"Yep," I replied. "Fucker needs to keep his eyes to himself."

Before Bella could make further comment or admonishments, the sound of rubber wheels on asphalt came from down the road.

"It's time." Leah said from the top step of the porch.

…

I traveled to the sacred spot for the sacred ceremony in the back of a rusty, old, sacred Chevy pickup truck. I was pretty sure it was the same one parked outside the apartment building when Jacob paid a little visit to Bella a couple of months ago. Brady and Jacob were in the front, and three other guys were in the back with me. They all made me look like my skin had never seen the light of day before, and they all just kept staring at me.

No one said a word.

That was probably for the best because I was really only in the mood to bash someone's skull in – not hold polite conversation. The only thing that kept me from insisting on riding with Bella was the fact that Jacob was with me, and this way I could keep my eye on him. I didn't trust him, not the least little bit. He hadn't been expecting me to be here with Bella – that was clear – and the news obviously upset him more than just my actual presence.

Though there was no conversation in the bed of the truck, I could hear Brady and Jacob talking in the cab. I couldn't make out all of the conversation – just bits and pieces. Phrases like _for the tribe_, _duty to your people_, and _going against tradition_ kept coming up. They were obviously disagreeing about something, and I assumed it had something to do with what was about to transpire. No matter how much I angled my ear towards the partially opened window, I still couldn't hear clearly.

We drove through Forks, which was pretty dead on a Tuesday evening. Just a few folks around the little diner and a handful of teenagers huddled in jackets against the cold wind. At least the rain had tapered off into a fine mist that stung my face if I moved away from the protection of the back side of the cab.

We went through town and out onto a mostly deserted highway, then up a logging road through the trees. Again, I had the feeling of claustrophobia as the trees on either side of the narrow gravel road hovered over us. Though there was a bit of light still left in the sky, beyond the trees it was dark and foreboding.

I didn't like it.

At all.

We pulled off to the edge of the road where there were several other vehicles – all old, rusty, and barely drivable – parked in and around the trees. I couldn't figure out how some of them had even gotten where they were, let alone how they were going to get out again. I practically had to climb half way around a tree just to get out of the back of the truck.

I turned my head towards the sound of the cab door slamming shut, and Brady stomped off past me. The others seemed to be hovering around Jacob, so without knowing what else to do, I followed Brady through the trees on what I guess was supposed to be a path. Another guy crawled out of an old hatchback and introduced himself as Leah's brother, Seth, before we continued on. It was only a hundred yards or so until we reached a clearing in the middle of a bunch of pine trees with branches reaching out all around to cover us.

I could immediately see the advantage to holding rituals in this rainy climate here – the tree cover was so thick even the mist didn't seem to make it. It was still bitter cold, and I shoved my hands deep into my pockets trying to find a little warmth.

"Hey, Seth," Brady called over his shoulder. The younger man passed me up and went to his side. "Can you check and see if Leah has anything else she wants to say before this…um…starts?"

"Sure," Seth said, and he took off around the edge of the trees to the far side of the clearing.

I followed him with my eyes and felt immediate relief at the sight of Bella standing near her friend in the unusual dress and Sue, Leah's mother. I still couldn't believe all these family members were going to watch this shit. At least Bella had assured me Leah's own brother wasn't participating. I wasn't sure if that was because he was only sixteen or because he was her brother and decided I didn't really want to know. I had been told her father died of a heart attack a few years ago, but fathers weren't a part of it either.

Except for watching. The whole fucking tribe watched, apparently.

Okay, maybe not everybody, but there had to be about fifty people milling around the trees. Some of them were setting up some kind of structure – _the _fucking_ place_, I guessed – in the center of the trees. It looked like it could have doubled as an OBGYN's examination table. Others were walking near the tree line and placing flat stones around the perimeter of the clearing or lighting small fires around the area. As soon as all the rocks were placed, people started getting ushered to certain stones by two older women wearing dresses similar to the one Leah had been wearing but with a lot less beadwork. There were only a few colorful lines down the sleeves. One of them came close and peered up at me with dark, narrow eyes.

"You the one with Isabella?" she snapped up at me. Her dry lips smashed together repeatedly as she spoke, making me wonder if you could actually grind wheat into flour between them. She had long gray hair in a braid that touched the back of her waist and skin that was wrinkled into layers around her face and neck.

I nodded, and she grabbed hold of my elbow tightly enough for me to feel it through my jacket. She hauled me over to the far side of the clearing and pointed to one of the rocks on the ground.

"Stand behind it," she said.

Once I had my feet in the exact position she seemed to want them to be, she nodded once and started towards the next person.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked her.

She turned her narrow eyes back to me, and then glanced up and down my body once.

"Keep your pale dick to yourself," she replied as she walked off.

"Nice," I muttered under my breath.

I looked down at my feet and noticed there was a little shape painted on the top of the rock. It might have been a fish of some sort, though the drawing reminded me of hieroglyphics more than an actual picture. Whatever it was, it had a swimmy little tail at the back end of it.

It occurred to me that it might be a sperm, and I took a step back from the rock.

Two young women approached me, and as I looked back and forth between them I wondered if I was seeing double. They both looked exactly alike and were dressed in identical outfits. The clothing was similar to the dresses Leah and the older women wore, but were separate pants and shirts with beading on the sleeves and shoulders.

"So you're the one, huh?" the vision on the left spoke.

They both eyed me up and down.

"Well, I can see why she likes him," the one on the right giggled.

"Can I help you?" I questioned. I was not in the mood for any further bullshit at this point.

The one on the left held out her hand.

"I'm Rachel," she said. "And this is Rebecca. We're Jacob and Bella's sisters."

"Oh…right," I stammered. I did remember Bella saying that there were twins in the family she grew up with. "I'm Edward."

"You're too pale," Rachel said, "even for a white guy."

"Thanks a lot," I responded.

Rachel turned on her heel and walked away, and I could see the slight curve of her stomach in the light from the fires and wondered if Bella knew her "sister" was pregnant. I was left with Rebecca still looking me over, and it was starting to piss me off. I put my hands on my hips and just waited until she looked at my face again. Her eyes narrowed a little, and she took a step closer.

"You're taking care of her, aren't you?" she said quietly. "I mean – you're going to be good to her, right?"

Taken aback, I looked down at her and blinked a few times before realizing what she meant.

"Yeah," I told her. "I'll take care of Bella."

"Good," she responded before she turned and followed her twin over towards one of the fires. They leaned together, spoke in whispered voices, and then nodded to each other.

Everyone else seemed to be taking places around the center table, and through the canopy of evergreen foliage, the moon shone out of the clearing sky, only partially obstructed by thin clouds. The tree trunks around us were covered in pale green ribbons strung with feathers like some kind of natural streamers all over them. The two older women walked in a slow circle around the group – reaching out and touching the feathers hanging from the trees as they went. They made multiple trips around, and as they moved, everyone closed in a little more towards the center.

Bella moved in behind one of them and hung sea shells at the end of each of the feathered ribbons. The next trip around the circle, the two women knocked their long, wrinkled fingers against the shells and made them chime softly into the night air.

Movement from the far side of the circle caught my attention, and an ancient man in a wheelchair moved slowly into the center of the group. His eyes moved around the circle, taking in the face of each person as he went. When he got to me, his eyes lingered a little longer, and I thought I saw them narrow slightly before he continued to Seth, who stood a few feet to my left.

I realized that this must be Billy – the Chief of the Quileute tribe, the man who raised Bella when her own father was killed, and the father of Jacob, Rachel, and Rebecca. Being the Chief and the father of multiple children, I wondered if he would take the first turn at Leah once her husband was done with her.

My stomach churned, and the two old women began to chant.

The sound sent shivers up my arms and down my spine. It could only be described in cliché phrases such as haunting and mesmerizing. They continued the strange, rhythmic sound as they carried a large wooden bowl to the man in the wheelchair, who tilted the dish to his lips before passing it back to them. The bowl was then carried to the outside of the circle, where men stood behind the stone on the ground, and a woman stood in front of it.

The women didn't drink from the dish, but held it up for their men to take a slight sip from it before passing it to the next woman. The chanting continued as the bowl was passed around the group – from older men to younger ones, and finally stopping at the man on the other side of Seth.

I could only presume he would be the last one to fuck the woman in the fancy dress who stood at the top of the table in the center.

As the last man drank, the old women took the still mostly full bowl to the center of the circle and handed it to Bella. She also took a sip of the liquid inside before handing it to Leah. With a deep breath, Leah took the bowl and drained it completely in several gulps. She stumbled slightly as she placed the bowl at the head of the table and took Bella's hands. They kissed each other's cheeks, and then Bella led Leah to the other end of the table. The young woman climbed up on the table and lay on her back. Bella stepped back a bit, and then wrapped Leah's arms in more ribbons strung with feathers, which gave it quite a nice little bondage touch, I thought.

Images of the train porn Paul had once brought to my place flashed through my head, but I tried to push the thoughts away. It didn't work very well because the image was just too similar, and the S&M theme was just too much in the foreground.

I shook my head a little, trying to figure out if I was really watching this or if I had somehow dreamed up the whole thing. I glanced to my side and saw Seth looking at the ground, his face much paler than it had looked before. He clasped his hands in front of him and squeezed his fingers together repeatedly.

Apparently done with her part of the ceremony, Bella came over and stood in front of me. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her close to my chest. She didn't resist, and I welcomed the familiar comfort of her warm body against mine in the chilled night air.

"The People have a need," the ancient man in the center announced. "In the beginning our numbers were strong, and many children were born every year. As the influence of the outside world prevailed, our young left the home of The People and made lives for themselves away from the path of the tribe. Our numbers decreased, and The People knew sacrifices were necessary for the good of all."

Brady walked up to the middle of the group and stood before the Chief.

"This man will make such a sacrifice tonight."

Billy continued on about honor and sacrifice for some time, but I stopped listening to the bullshit line he was feeding everyone. I couldn't believe how everyone just seemed to stare at him – fascinated – as he justified the public banging of some guy's wife for the sake of impregnating her. None of it made any sense to me, but then again, neither did a bris, so who was I to say?

There was one person who didn't seem as enthralled about what was being said, though. As everyone else focused on the tribe's chief, I watched Brady instead. His hands were shaking, and he kept looking from Billy and then to Leah with a shocked expression on his face. His eyes moved to the circle of men who would soon be lining up to take a turn at her.

"As the vessel of life takes the seed of the tribe-"

"No!"

The shout seemed to startle the people on either side of me, and Brady took a couple of steps forward, moving between Billy and the table where Leah lay on her back. I could see her trying to lift her head a little to see, but she seemed too drugged up to do it.

Brady stepped up to his wife's side and leaned close to her.

"We're not doing this!" I heard him exclaim as he started unwinding the ribbons from her arms. "We're going to find some other way. I'm not going to let you go through with this!"

Leah sat up and slumped against him a little. I didn't know what had been in the bowl, but it obviously had her pretty out of it.

"But…but we said we would…" she mumbled.

"Forget it!" Brady exclaimed.

"I want a baby…for you…"

"We'll have one," he promised her. "We'll find some way."

"Brady," Billy interjected. "This isn't just about you and Leah. I know it's difficult, but for the sake of your people-"

"I don't care!" Brady announced. "I'm not going to just stand around and watch this. Edward was right – this is just too fucked up!"

All eyes turned to me, and Bella's back pushed up against my chest a little tighter as she tilted her head back to look at me. Jacob's hateful glare bore down on me almost as much as his father's.

"What?" I asked. "I didn't do anything!"

"Come on, Leah," Brady said. He lifted her up under her arms and tried to help her stand. She nearly fell over, but he kept his grip on her.

"I don't have to do it?" she asked quietly.

"Brady, think about what you are doing," the Chief said. "Your people need you. The tribe needs you, and you need to-"

"No, Leah," he told her as he ignored Billy's words. "We're not doing this."

"Oh…good," she mumbled in her drugged stupor. "I didn't want to do it."

"I know," he replied as he gave up trying to get her to stand on her feet and bent down to pick her up in his arms.

"Leah…" Sue took a step forward and out of the circle, but she didn't seem to know what she wanted to say past her own daughter's name.

"Could you take us home, please?" Brady asked as he passed his mother-in-law.

"Thank God," Seth mumbled quietly next to me.

Everyone just kind of stood there and watched, some with mouths hanging open to the ground, as Brady carried Leah out of the clearing. Sue followed them without another word, and within a couple of minutes the guests of honor were pulling out around a tree, moving off down the logging road, and heading out of sight.

"So, is there a backup ceremony or anything now?" I asked Bella with a wide grin.

"Edward!" she growled through a tight jaw. "Shut up!"

Her eyes moved back to Billy, who was outwardly glaring at me now as he rolled his chair towards us.

"I don't know what you said to that boy," he breathed quietly, but his voice still carried. "I don't know, and at this point, I don't care. But you have interfered with the lives and traditions of my people for the first and only time I will stand for such a thing. From this point on, you are not welcome here, nor are you welcome in the lives of my tribe."

His eyes moved to Bella's.

"You will ride home with Jacob," he said. "We'll forget about the past and continue as it was meant to be. If there's anything you want from…from where you have been living, we'll send for it later."

His words slimed over me like a big bucket of night crawlers.

"Fuck you," I spat. "Bella can do whatever the fuck she wants and live wherever the fuck she wants. She isn't going anywhere with _you_."

Billy's eyes narrowed as he continued to glare at me and speak to her.

"Does he make all of your decisions for you now? Is that why you have turned your back on the only ones who ever cared enough to take you in?"

"It's not like that," Bella said quietly. I hardly recognized her voice as she spoke to him. "He doesn't tell me what to do."

"He seems to have a way of telling many others what to do," Billy argued. "It certainly sounds like he has you at his beck and call."

"Kiss my ass," I growled. "You have no clue what you're talking about, old man."

Billy's eyes moved away from me and landed on Bella.

"I see what this is now," he said. His hands gripped the rims of his wheels, and he moved himself backwards a foot or so. "You're nothing but his whore now."

"_Motherfucker_!"

Bella turned before the word was out of my mouth and wrapped her arms around my waist. She used every bit of her body weight to shove me backwards, but I didn't flinch. I could have picked her up and tossed her out of the way, but the delay was enough for about twenty guys to gather around their chief. They didn't actually move towards me, which probably avoided a blood-bath, but they were enough in the way to make me pause. During that time, Billy rolled backwards some more and was quickly ushered out of the clearing and into an awaiting vehicle.

Bella continued to hold on to me and tried to push me backwards.

"Would you stop that?" I growled. "I'm not doing anything. Not now, anyway."

Bella looked up into my eyes and searched for truth in them. She must have found it because her grip loosened and she stepped back a bit.

"It would be best if I don't come across him again," I told her. "I don't give a shit if he's in a chair, I will fuck him up."

"I know," she whispered. "But you can't."

The group that had moved up to protect their leader moved away, and within seconds everyone was moving around the area and collecting all the stuff around – from ribbons to rocks. I just shook my head and watched the tail lights disappear into the fog.

"Edward…you can't."

"Best keep me away then," I told her.

She nodded and was about to say something else when Douche Bag himself walked up to us.

"I want to talk to you," Jacob said to Bella. His eyes turned to me. "Alone."

"Fuck off," I replied. I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her closer to me.

"Bella – does he always tell you what to do?" Jacob sneered. "What happened to being all _independent_?"

Bella's eyes narrowed towards him, and then she looked back to me with a sigh.

"Just…let me give him a few minutes," she said.

"No!" I responded immediately. "No fucking way! I've had about all the bullshit I can't stand for one night."

Bella met my eyes and sighed again. She stood up on her toes to speak into my ear.

"If I do that, he'll have had his chance to say what he wants, and then we can all move on. Otherwise he's going to harp on it."

"Let him," I snarled, not caring if he heard me or not. "He can go be pissy and broken hearted and douche bag-like away from you!"

"Five minutes," Bella said.

I knew I had already lost, but that didn't stop me from arguing about it some more.

"Stay in sight," I finally said as I gave up. She was just too damn stubborn. "And don't go anywhere near a car where he can grab you and shove you inside of it."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"We don't do that kind of crap around here," he informed me.

"No, you'd never do anything like that," I sneered. "And you wouldn't drug up a woman and fuck her, either. Oh – but it's all okay because she was brainwashed into thinking it's in her own best interest."

"Edward, stop," Bella said, but there wasn't a lot of passion in her voice, so I kept going.

"And don't even think about fucking with Bella," I said, "because if you so much as touch her, I am going to rip you apart. I don't give a shit how many friends you surround yourself with – you will not leave this place under your own power. Got it?"

"Whatever," Jacob mumbled.

They walked together to the far side of the clearing, and I kept both eyes on them the entire time. He didn't touch her, which was a damn good thing because I meant every word I said. They could fucking pound me into the ground afterwards, but I would break both his legs if he put a finger on her.

I could hear Seth and Jared talking quietly to each other, and both of them seemed to agree that the whole ceremony thing was just screwy. Apparently Jared was seeing a woman from some other reservation up north, and Seth had his eye on a girl from town. Neither one of them seemed to think this particular tradition was worth upholding.

Jacob was talking with his hands, and Bella had hers crossed over her chest as she looked away from him and towards the small fire on the ground. People were milling about the area – cleaning up the decorations and speaking in hushed tones. I wondered how many others were glad they weren't going through with this tonight.

My eyes narrowed as I focused on Bella and Jacob. It had been way too long, and though I could still see the outline of both their shapes, I wasn't the least bit comfortable with any of this shit. Though I wanted to honor Bella's words and do as she asked, I couldn't stop myself from moving a little closer – just to make sure he wasn't being too much of a dick to her.

I took a couple of steps backwards, which put me right next to a big tree and somewhat in its shadow. Seth was still talking to Jared, and they both seemed to have forgotten I was there. I slowly walked around the tree – trying not to step on anything noisy – and moved up a few feet towards the area where Bella and Jacob were talking. At first, I could only hear the tone – they were both talking in hushed voices – and I didn't like it immediately.

It wasn't Jacob's condescending tone – I expected that – it was Bella who had me moving faster. Now that I was closer, I could see her arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to climb into her own skin. I took a few more steps until I could hear them clearly.

"Don't you see what you've done?" Jacob was saying to her. "You've been gone for months out being influenced by a world you _know_ is nothing like where you grew up – where you belong. And now you have come back and brought…that guy with you…and the whole tribe is suffering. All because of you. What _you've_ done."

"It's not like that, Jacob," Bella said. "It's not! I am grateful for what everyone here has done-"

"Yes, and I can see how your gratitude shows itself," he interrupted. "You stop your best friend's only chance of having a child."

"I didn't stop her," Bella said.

"Oh no? You really think all this would have happened this way if it wasn't for you bringing him here? _You_ brought an outsider into our home, _you_ told him the secrets _you_ swore to never tell anyone outside the tribe, and _you_ tainted all of us with his ways."

"I didn't-"

"You're selfish, Bella. That's what you are. You care nothing for the people who gave you a home and a life, and you've turned your back on us. How can you live with yourself?"

"I didn't mean…" Bella's voice trembled as she spoke, and her arms tightened around her upper body.

"You're a pathetic excuse for a woman," he said. "No wonder no one in your own family ever wanted you."

The transformation was immediate, and it sent goose bumps down my arm.

Bella dropped her head and looked off to the side. At the same time, it looked like she practically shrunk into herself as she backed down from his look. Her lips smashed together, and I knew she was holding something she wanted to say back. She reminded me of a dog that had been kicked one too many times when trying to gain the affections of an abusive master.

In that moment, she stopped being the woman I knew. She wasn't the confident and vital woman who demanded more from me than I wanted to give, or the one who called me out on my bullshit, or the one who demanded I explain my apologies. Instead, there was a frightened little girl cringing away from something terrifying.

It fucking pissed me off.

"What the fuck have you done to her?" I yelled as I took a step forward. Seth appeared out of nowhere, stepped in between us, and held out his arms a bit. I knew he was going to make me go through him if I was going to make a move against Jacob. Even if he agreed with me, he wouldn't go against the son of the chief.

I turned to Bella instead, reached out, and put my hands on the side of her face. I tilted her head up to look at me.

"No one tells you what to do," I growled through clenched teeth. "No one. Not him. Not me. You do or say whatever the fuck you want!"

Her eyes darted over to him and then back again.

"It's not that easy," she said quietly.

"I'm not going to let him touch you," I said emphatically.

"I know," she whispered. Her hands moved up and gripped my forearms.

"Bella – you know you belong here," the douche bag started again. "We're the only ones who ever took you in – gave you a home. This is where you grew up, and these are the people and the ways you know. You know it's just a matter of time before you are back – with me – where you belong."

"Over my dead body," I snarled.

"Arrange-able," he snapped back.

I started to release her, the rage boiling up inside of me demanding to feel the rough strike of knuckles to yielding flesh. My hands clenched as I stepped forward, ready to down Seth in one swing to get to my real target.

"Please don't," Bella cried out as she stepped in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist again. She turned her head up, and her eyes captured mine. "Please don't do anything, Edward – please!"

Those eyes would be the death of me – I would have sworn to it.

"Why not?" I growled again.

"I'll tell you more later," she promised. "Just don't do this here, and don't do this now."

Jacob had taken a step back, and his body was tight and ready. He knew what I wanted, and he was perfectly willing to take me on. The little shit had no idea what he was walking into – I was going to pulverize him. Except…

Except she was in the way.

A long, slow breath did very little to calm me. Bella's hands running over the sleeves of my jacket worked a little better, but not that much. Seth was at Jacob's side and was beginning to pull him away, saying something about _sacred ground_ and not spilling blood.

My darkened eyes went back to Bella's pleading ones.

"One of these days," I said softly to her, "I am going to kick his ass."

"Not today," she begged.

Seth was having trouble getting Jacob to go, so I turned back to him.

"You're done," I said. "Don't you fucking come near her again, you hear me?"

Bella's fingers tightened around mine, and I turned to take her away from him.

"How long before he shows you what he's really like?" Jacob called out at us. "Did you see how much he wants to hit me? Did you see how close he came to hitting an elderly man in a wheelchair? You really think he'll stop at hitting guys in a cage? He's violent, Bella! It's only a matter of time before he starts hitting you! Is that what you want?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him.

"Shut your fucking mouth," I said in a low, quiet voice. My gut tightened up at the very idea of what he was suggesting I might do. My free hand tightened up, and I couldn't even voice any other words from the disgust at the thought.

"Please, Edward…_please_!" Bella tugged at my arm until we were moving away from the clearing all together and towards the darkened woods beyond. Jared and a couple of the other guys who rode up with us gathered around Jacob and led him over to the parked vehicles. I felt instant relief when the lights from the truck lit up the clearing just long enough to get them turned around and headed back to the reservation. As soon as they were away, I turned to Bella and gently placed my hands back on the sides of her face.

"I'd never do that, Bella," I swore to her. "What he just said there – I'd never fucking do that – never!"

"I know that," she said simply, and her easy smile brought back the woman I knew again.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her against me as most of the others from the tribe finished clearing away the area where the would-be gang bang didn't take place. After a few minutes, we both calmed a little and Bella decided she needed to assist, so I stayed close to her as she helped collect the feathers and ribbons from the trees around the clearing.

"You there!" the old woman who had told me where to stand earlier snapped at me. "Pick up the rocks and bring them over here!"

She pointed to a large wheelbarrow, indicating where the stones should be set. Not wanting to argue with the hag, I kept Bella in my sights as I walked around the clearing and picked up a bunch of rocks, which most definitely had sperm shapes painted on them.

I made sure I didn't touch the pictures.

Once they were all in the wheelbarrow, Seth walked over and moved them over to one of the trucks, and Rebecca helped load them up. Bella stood from where she was packing feathers in a box and came over to me, brushing her hands on her skirt as she went.

"Seth is going to give us a ride back," Bella informed me. "He's helping Rachel and Rebecca clean up."

Bella had snapped out of her little personality switch fairly quickly, but I still didn't like it one bit. He had done something to her. I didn't know what, but I was pretty sure when I found out, Bella was not going to be able to stop me from killing him.

"All right," I said. "Let's go."

"I'll be along in a bit," Bella said as she looked off over her shoulder and into the darkened forest. "I want to hang out for a minute."

"What? In the middle of the woods?" I looked around at the dark tree trunks and darker shadows beyond them. "No fucking way."

"Edward, it's fine," Bella told me.

"No," I insisted. "You are not hanging out in the woods in the dark by yourself."

"It's not the city," she said. "Jacob already left, and there's no one out here I don't know. I'll be fine."

"No way," I said again. "Not by yourself."

I looked around the clearing and then peered into the deeper woods where Bella seemed to be heading.

"I'll stay with you."

Bella laughed.

"Are you going to protect me from the bears?"

"Don't fuck around," I said as I narrowed my eyes. I walked up beside her and grabbed her hand. "There aren't any fucking bears."

"Um…yeah," she stated, "there are. Most of them will be hibernating now, but it's still early enough we could see one. Let's go."

"Go?" I questioned. "Aren't we already here?"

"I want to go a little farther," she said. "It's not far – just up the hill over here a bit."

"Bella…it's dark!" I protested as she hauled me through a bunch of pines, over a fallen log, and across some squishy swampy stuff I didn't want to know about.

Following her deeper into the forest, my eyes adjusted to the lack of light enough to at least see larger bits of fallen trees and rocks before I actually fell over them. Bella didn't seem to have any trouble at all, even though we didn't appear to be following any kind of path or anything. I made sure I kept a good grip on her fingers because I knew I'd be lost otherwise. Everything around us looked exactly the same.

Where were the fucking street signs?

Tree signs.

Worm sign.

Whatever.

Bella paused abruptly, and I ran right into her back.

"What?" I whisper-cried. "What is it? Is it a bear?"

Bella giggled.

"No, it's a meadow," she said.

"A what?"

She took a few more steps forward, and the trees around us sunk back into the deeper forest as we emerged into a small clearing filled with tall grasses and the remnants of flowering weeds. The moon lit up the whole area, and there were all kinds of soft looking moss and plants all over the ground. The whole place was totally surrounded by trees, and the scene looked like an ambush waiting to happen.

Did bears hunt in packs?

I shuddered.

"Come on, Bella," I said. "Let's go back."

"In a minute," she replied. Her voice was soft and calm but didn't make me feel any better. She walked forward a little before pausing and turning her head in a wide arc to take in the view.

I glanced around and wondered what all else was out here besides bears. Lions and tigers were pretty unlikely, but I wondered if there were other big cats. Maybe cougars or mountain lions or something.

Or were those all the same thing?

There might have been other animals around as well, like wolves or coyotes. Weren't there certain birds of prey that could be dangerous? For all I knew, there could even be pumas.

What the fuck was a _puma_, anyway?

I shuddered again.

"It's so peaceful here," Bella said softly.

Her voice startled me, and she looked over her shoulder when she felt me jump a bit.

"I'm going to have to agree to disagree with you there," I told her.

"But it's so quiet!" she said.

"Yeah," I agreed. It was one of the things I liked the least.

"In the city there's always noise – cars, buses, people yelling, and doors slamming – I still don't think I'd be sleeping at all if it wasn't for you. Here the loudest sound you ever hear outside is the river, or the ocean if you're in LaPush."

"That's how you know where everyone is," I said. "Because they make noise. That's the way it should be."

"You really don't like it out here, do you?"

"Not much, no," I admitted. "Have you had enough of a commune with nature? Because I would really like to get somewhere warm and dry."

"If you like," she said.

She turned around and brought her arms up around my neck.

"Thank you for being here with me," she said. "And especially for behaving yourself. When you first said you were coming…well, I thought it was a horrible idea, but now I'm glad you are here."

"I'm glad I'm here, too," I said. "You know that asshole would have tried to make you stay if I wasn't."

"I know he would," Bella admitted. She looked away from me and back towards the trees. "He wasn't always like this, but he's gotten worse even in the short time I've been gone."

"It's that dude who runs the place, isn't it?" I questioned. "Billy?"

"Jake's father, yes."

"Is he really his father?"

Bella looked up to me and squinted a little.

"I mean – I don't know how anyone around here can figure out how they're related to each other."

"Yes, Billy is his real father," she confirmed.

"He's an asshole."

"He's…dedicated," Bella said.

"So are all zealots."

"Hmm." Bella took my hand and led me back to where all the cars and trucks had been parked. It was nearly empty now – just a couple of cars and a few younger guys hanging out in the clearing. We climbed into the hatchback with Seth and headed back to the reservation.

Seth dropped us off outside Brady and Leah's house, then puttered away in his piece of shit Gremlin, which I couldn't believe still ran at all. The damn thing was fucking loud around the muffler – that was for sure. I rubbed at my ears a little as we went up the steps and to the front door.

It was dark inside, and Bella decided to just ease the door open, thinking they might have been exhausted and just gone to sleep. I figured they had probably gone to bed, but probably weren't sleeping.

I was a little closer to the truth than Bella.

The tell-tale sounds were obvious to me as soon as we stepped into the main room of the large house, but Bella apparently didn't get it at first. There was some grunting and some squeaking coming from the couch, and I was pretty sure the dark pile near the plastic chair was a bunch of clothes, but she stepped a little farther inside anyway. I just waited to see how she was going to react, a bit of a grin on my face as I watched her.

"Screw low sperm count," I heard Brady growl all of the sudden. "If I just fuck you like this every hour on the hour, eventually some of the little fuckers have to get up there, right?"

Leah made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a giggle. I craned my neck a little, but I couldn't see anything other than his feet dangling over the arm of the couch as they giggled around somewhat rhythmically.

"Shit!" Bella whispered as she grabbed my arm and hauled me back onto the porch. Her eyes were wide as she quickly looked from the now closed door and back to me a few times. "They're doing it on the couch!"

"Well, yeah," I said. "That's pretty obvious."

"What are we going to do?"

"Take pictures?" I said with a smile.

"Edward!"

"Kidding!" I held my hands up in front of me, palms out, and took a step backwards.

"Do we just…wait?" she asked.

I reached up and scratched at the back of my head, then glanced over at the motorcycle.

"Maybe we should just go," I suggested. I pointed a thumb towards the parked motorcycle.

"All my stuff is still in there," Bella said. "Including all the money."

"I guess we wait it out then." I sat down on the last step and pulled out my pack of Marlboros, knowing we were going to be there a while. There was no way I would be able to convince her to leave without the Haversack of Hades. I leaned back against the supporting post, and Bella positioned herself between my knees so she could lean her back against my chest.

To be totally honest, I probably wasn't up for a long ride right then, either. The whole day had been completely and totally surreal, and I still wasn't one hundred percent sure I wasn't dreaming. I was, however, extremely glad it was over. I was definitely going to do my best to get Bella out of this hellhole at the first light of day.

I was never one to break up a sacred fuck-fest and run, but I had been an uninvited guest here anyway.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

So they didn't go through with it. Were you surprised? Edward managed to not hit anyone, though it was close. Is it okay to hit an old dude in a wheelchair if he calls your girlfriend a whore?

I think "Haversack of Hades" might even be better than "Gorgon's Gunnysack". (I slay me.)

There is a very busy weekend/next week ahead of me, but I was up early and working on chapter 15, so it should be up and ready next week! I don't think any of the other chapters will be quite this long, though - the ceremony took up more words than I thought it would, and I couldn't really cut it out half way through, so you got it all!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

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	15. Unpack the Stuff

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

No time for chat! Enjoy! :)**  
**

**"Pot, meet kettle," she said. "Kettle, pot."**

* * *

**Chapter 15 - ****Unpack the Stuff**

Bella laid her head against my shoulder and relaxed against me as I exhaled smoke off to the side so it would stay out of her face. I snaked my free arm around her stomach, and she gripped my forearm with her slender fingers.

"Are you going to tell me something about yourself tonight?" she asked.

"No," I told her with a firm shake of my head. "I was kind of thinking it was your turn."

"My turn?"

"Yeah," I said as I took a long pull from the cigarette. "It occurred to me that you haven't really told me a whole lot about growing up here, but you keep trying to drag shit up about my past. I think a little turn-taking is in order."

"So if I tell you something, you then have to tell me something else?"

It wasn't exactly what I had it mind. In fact, the whole thing had been as much of a diversion tactic as actually wanting to know more about her childhood. I wasn't completely sure I wanted to know more about this place while I was still here. I didn't think I'd get out without cracking skulls.

"Actually, maybe that's not such a good idea," I said. "At least, not now."

Bella must have been thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, maybe we should talk about that when we have a little more…distance."

"Yeah."

"But, we could maybe do some of that when we get home?" she suggested.

I sighed.

"You aren't going to give up, are you?"

"Probably not," she said. She turned her head towards me and smiled before leaning back against me again.

I felt her shiver in the night's chilly air and pushed against her back a little so she would sit up again. Gripping my cigarette between my lips, I pulled my jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. Bella stuck her arms through the sleeves and wrapped the front part so it overlapped around her torso.

The jacket was insanely huge on her, and I should have found it comical, but I didn't. Instead, my cock took very specific notice of how she looked and decided to attempt escape from the crotch of my jeans, which made me groan.

"What is it?" Bella asked as her eyes narrowed a bit to focus on me.

For a moment, I couldn't answer. I just looked at her and tried to figure out what the hell was going on inside my head. I flicked my cigarette out onto the gravel road and wrapped another arm around her.

"It's just you," I finally answered. "The jacket doesn't fit you at all, and it kind of looks like you're wearing one of those giant bean-bag chairs. I ought to be laughing, but I'm not because it's so fucking hot at the same time – seeing you wearing something of mine."

Her eyes widened a little.

"Like everything else about you," I heard myself say. "It's how fucking beautiful you are when you're pissed off at me. It's how you smile when you're making me breakfast. It's your eyes…your voice…the smell of your hair. How your skin feels against mine."

I hugged her against me a bit more.

"Just like this," I clarified, not wanting her to think – despite the moody little bastard's lack of self control – that this was just about wanting in her panties. It was that, too, but it wasn't _just_ that. "Everything about you invites me in…makes me want you more."

Bella turned around between my legs and got up on her knees. Her hand moved up, and the backs of her fingers stroked over my cheekbone as her eyes intensified.

"Why don't you ever show anyone this side of you?" she asked. Her voice was quiet and earnest.

A hundred different answers went through my head – so many reasons, so many people who took that part of me and twisted it into something else I had to have to survive – but giving her any of that meant giving far more than I was ready to give.

I could still answer with truth.

"Reserved for you," I said simply.

Her eyes softened, though I could still see the hesitance and the reservation she had there. It didn't stop her from leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine. We moved together slowly and gently – not pushing any of it but just being there together. My hands gripped her hips and dug into the fabric of her skirt, but I didn't go for her ass or anything – I just pulled her a little closer.

When we broke away, I didn't understand her expression. Her fingers went to the back of my head and stroked upwards once before she turned back around to settle into my chest again. I wrapped my arms back around her waist and tightened my grip.

Looking up into the clearing sky, I watched thousands of stars come into view. I didn't think I had ever seen so many stars in the night sky before and wondered if you could really see constellations all the way out here in bum-fuck Washington. I was about to ask Bella, but when I tilted my head to see her face, I realized she had fallen asleep.

I lay my head on top of hers and held her against me. It was only a few minutes after that when the front door opened and Brady peeked out.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," I whispered back. I reached my hand into the pocket of my jacket slowly so I didn't wake Bella. I grabbed the smokes in there and shook two of them out of the pack. "Give me a hand?"

Brady picked up the smokes and I found the lighter in the other pocket. He lit two cigarettes and handed one to me.

"Thanks," I said.

"You ah…been here long?" he asked as he took a drag.

"Long enough," I smirked.

"Sorry about that."

I shook my head.

"Don't be," I told him. "I'm just glad I didn't have to watch."

He took a few steps forward and looked out at the bright sky. As his eyes gazed upwards, he smiled.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked.

"What you said," Brady replied without hesitation. "When Jake was here, and I hit you. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. I watched this…um…"

His cheeks' darkened in embarrassment.

"I watched this porno once with a couple guys at Forks High," he finally went on. "There was this girl in it, and there was just a line of guys doing her one after the other. After you said that to Jacob, well, I couldn't get it out of my head."

"No way!" I snickered, trying not to laugh too hard and wake Bella up. "I was thinking about one just like that!"

"It was gross," he said.

"It was," I agreed. "I mean, I like a threesome or whatever in a porn sometimes, but that was just too much."

"I didn't want Leah looking like that," he said in a soft voice.

There was no argument from me there, so I nodded and continued to smoke.

"She's your niece or something, right?" I said. "Doesn't that shit bother you?"

"No," Brady said quietly. "I'm only her half uncle. My mother had Leah's mother twenty years before me. Her first husband died, and she didn't want to marry anyone else, but she wanted another kid. That's why she went through all of that in order to have me. We're not any closer than cousins genetically, which is still far enough removed that there is no real evidence of genetic problems."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Even if there was, I grew up knowing she was going to be my wife. I loved her as a kid, and I just fell more in love with her every year as we grew up. We were friends first, always knowing we'd be together later."

When he put it like that, it didn't seem totally sick. Not healthy, either, but not totally sick.

"How long have you been with Bella?" he asked after a minute.

I chuckled quietly.

"Well," I said, "this would be day four."

Brady eyed us both.

"We've been living together for a while," I clarified, "but we weren't…you know…_together_."

"You just using her?" he asked as his eyes narrowed at me. "I mean, not that it's any of my business or anything, but she's Leah's friend, and I don't want her hurt. I know Leah had a lot to do with getting Bella off the res, and I don't let on about her lying to me, but I want to know Bella's safe and happy. That this was all worth my wife's efforts."

"No, I'm not," I said. "Though if I had known how good a cook she was, I might have tried to get her to move in with me earlier on."

He smirked and nodded.

"That's a Quileute woman thing," he said. "They can all kick ass in the kitchen. I guess Bella learned before she ever got here, though."

He tossed the cigarette off into the gravel and looked to me again. I was about to ask him what he meant by that last remark, but he spoke up first.

"Is she okay?" he asked again. "I mean, does she like living there?"

"She's doing good," I told him. "She's awesome in school, and she's looking to get a job on campus for a little extra money."

"Good," Brady said with a nod. "Well, Leah's in the shower and we're both heading to bed. Sorry about earlier."

I shrugged.

"Didn't bother me," I responded. "Bella' might have freaked a little."

"Hmm?" her sleepy voice same up from my arms. "What?"

Brady snickered.

"Come on, baby," I said as I started to lift her off of me. "Let's get you to couch."

…

The remainder of our trip was quick and thankfully uneventful. In the morning, once Leah and Brady finally emerged from the bedroom, we ate pancakes made by Bella and gathered our things to put into the travel bag and the Attaché of Attila the Hun before saying our goodbyes on the porch.

I slipped a couple cigs to Brady when I shook his hand, and he carefully slipped them into a pocket when Leah wasn't looking.

"Thanks, dude."

"No problem," I said.

"I mean…for everything," he went on. "I think you got a crap view of what we're like here – saw us at our worst – but it's not all like that. And ultimately…well, you got me thinking in my head, you know? Set some things straight for me."

"I call bullshit when I see it," I replied.

"And when I needed it," he said. "I'm grateful. Maybe you can come back again for a better reason sometime."

The whole bro-gratitude thing made me feel weird, so I just shrugged and called to Bella. We needed to get on the road if we were going to make it far enough before Bella got too tired to ride any longer. She hugged Leah, who also came over and insisted on hugging me as well. Bella wished them both luck in the baby-making endeavors, and we were off.

Nine hours later, we made it to a decent sized city, and I spotted the familiar circling silver rings high up in the sky, advertising our best bet for accommodations. The routine was similar, though the manager at this place put Aro on speaker phone when he asked, and I ended up promising to call him next weekend to keep him from showing up at the door again.

It seemed to make Bella happy, so I put up with it. Besides, Aro wasn't a bad guy, and I had been pretty shitty to him. I probably owed it to him to at least call and tell him all was okay now. After the little talk, Bella gave me the remainder of the money – which was just about half of the rent we would be needing in about ten days – and I sighed heavily, but took it and shoved it down into my wallet.

The manager set us up in the nicest suite they had, though this one wasn't quite as grand as the place in Portland had been. It still had a nice living area and separate bedroom and bath. The bed was huge compared to the couch we had shared two nights ago, and really comfortable after the floor we had slept on last night. Bella was completely wigged out by Brady and Leah fucking on the couch and wouldn't go near it again. I said something about how they had probably fucked on every piece of furniture in the house, so we had ended up on the floor.

"Oh, I can't wait to sleep in that bed!" Bella exclaimed as she came out of the bathroom with her hair wrapped up in a towel and her favorite T-shirt and sweats.

"Lie down," I said, "but don't drop off too quick."

She raised an eyebrow at me as she stepped across the floor and sat on the end of the mattress.

"You have plans, Mister Cullen?"

"I just spent an insane amount of mental energy not beating the shit out of your douche bag ex," I told her. "I believe there was a certain…_reward_?"

"Hmm…" Bella reached up and tapped the tip of her finger against her chin. "I recall there was something…but the details are escaping me."

I growled and leapt at her, knocking her backwards onto the bed and pressing my lips to her shoulder. The towel went flying off her head and onto the floor.

"Don't you toy with me, Swan," I snarled into her ear. Strands of wet hair stuck to my forehead. "I've had all the aggravation I can take."

She struggled and laughed as I tickled her sides and maneuvered us both up to the top of the bed. She leaned back against the pillows and tried to catch her breath, while I made it more difficult by waiting until she had pretty much calmed completely before tickling her side or stomach again.

"You going to confess now?" I asked as I finally release her.

"I do recall a certain deal," she admitted.

"And?"

"And you did live up to your end of it," she agreed, though her eyes seemed a bit apprehensive. I rubbed my hands together and licked my lips obscenely, making her laugh again. That seemed to make her relax a bit, so I leaned over closer to her.

"Time to pay the piper," I whispered in her ear.

My hand slipped around her chin, and I brought her lips to mine. It felt like it had been forever since I kissed her like this – just the two of us with no one else about to walk in and no rushing off somewhere else. Her taste and her scent were just as I remembered them to be, but something else was different.

She was tense and rigid, and I didn't understand why.

Instead of wrapping her arms around my head and playing with my hair like she usually did, her hands lay loosely on my shoulders, not gripping me at all. She opened her mouth, but her tongue didn't move with mine.

So what had changed?

Only one thing, really – the promise of boobie-gropage.

Promise or not, she wasn't ready for that shit yet, so I slowed, kissed a light trail down the edge of her jaw, and then lay back down on the bed. My arms went around her, and I pulled her down with me. She was still stiff, so I just held her and ran my hands over her damp hair.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. "Just tired."

I kissed the top of her head.

"It was a long ride here," I said, "and we still have a decent ways to go tomorrow. Do you think we could leave early? I mean, it would be good to get back home, right?"

"Yeah…" Bella's voice trailed off a bit, and I knew I had cooled off too much.

My hand moved around to her cheek, and I turned her to face me. I kissed again, harder and with more passion. I ran my hand down her bare arm and then back up again. I pulled back, kissed her lightly once more on her lips, and smiled up at her.

"I'm going to have to take a rain check for later," I said. "I think I just want to be home with you."

"You do?" Bella looked at me quizzically for a moment.

"Yes," I said. "You're going to unpack the rest of your shit when we get there, right?"

"I will," she promised. "It will be nice to get back to the routine again, I think. I have had enough excitement to last me a while."

"Agreed," I said.

"Oh crap!" Bella exclaimed suddenly.

"What?"

"You should have worked last night," Bella said. "Shit, I've been so wrapped up in everything else going on-"

"Nah," I corrected. "Not after stitches in my head. Tanya always makes me skip the next fight when something like that happens. It's stupid, but she does. I won't fight again until Friday."

"Oh, good," she breathed in relief. "I was afraid Tanya was going to come hunt me down again. I've been trying to make you more vegetables and such lately."

"Don't worry about her," I said. "She all…well, she's mostly bark."

"You're not very convincing." Bella laid her head on my shoulder and yawned. "She'll probably still be mad you haven't been working out."

"I'll get in the gym before Friday," I said. "You're going to have school shit to catch up on, right?"

"Exams next week," she confirmed. "Masen keeps all the lectures on video, so at least I don't have to borrow someone's notes. It should mostly have been review, but you never know."

"Oh yeah?" I said. "That's kind of cool."

"You didn't know they did that?"

I shrugged.

"Must be new," I replied. "I didn't spend a lot of time at Masen as a kid or anything. I was there occasionally, but it's not like I paid any attention to shit like that when I was ten, ya know?"

"I guess not," she said. "I mean, I agree – a ten year old probably wouldn't be too interested in that."

"Not so much," I said.

Bella yawned again, which made me yawn. Without much talking, we settled into the pillow-topped mattress and closed our eyes to the night. The dawn came far too quickly, though, and I was still tired when we got up in the morning.

With both of us anxious to get home, we left the hotel early after a quick breakfast in the room and took to the motorcycle again. I wrapped my arms around Bella's waist and held on as we cruised down the highway and finally through the streets of the city. As we rolled through the north side of town in the early evening, I watched the expensive cars and houses move passed us and tried not to think about the times I had traveled the same streets with no thoughts of what life was like on the south side of the city.

As we traveled, the cars went from Ferraris and Lamborghinis to BMWs and the occasional Lexis. Then the medium priced sedans and SUVs became more prevalent as the size of the houses diminished. Before long, the houses turned to redbrick apartments and the cars to buses and bicycles. The people in suits and dresses changed to dingy flannel and unkempt hair.

Bella pulled into the back of Feet First, and I stopped in to let Jasper know the bike was back. He was pretty busy with a delivery guy, so he just had us leave it inside the chain link fence behind the bar before we walked the rest of the way home.

Right after we walked in the door, Bella took some things from the travel bag and put them in her suitcase. I stood behind her with my arms crossed until she turned around. As soon as she saw my face, she knew, and her cheeks flushed.

"I guess I should find a better place for all this, huh?"

"That would be good," I agreed.

In the bathroom, I moved a bunch of shit over to one side, and Bella put all her bathroom stuff in one side of the medicine cabinet. We found places for her towels in the linen closet, her shoes in the closet, and then I took a break to smoke on the windowsill while she went to go through the rest of her suitcase.

Crazy Alice wasn't on the fire escape for once, and I wondered where she might have gone. Every once in a while she actually made her appointment with the social worker, but that would have been a couple days ago.

"So…um…where should I put all this?" Bella asked. I looked up from the windowsill and saw her there with a pile of clothes in her arms.

"In here," I said as I tossed the half smoked cigarette down to the ground and crawled back inside. The window shut with a bang, and I knelt down to the bottom two drawers of the four drawer dresser. "I cleaned them out of you when you first moved in."

"I remember you saying that," she responded quietly. Tentatively, she knelt down beside me and placed two pairs of jeans on one side and half a dozen shirts on the other.

"That's better," I said when she was done, and Bella grinned up at me.

"That's pretty much it," she said.

I couldn't seem to stop smiling.

"You really like that, don't you?" she commented.

I gave her a noncommittal grunt.

"I just want you to be comfortable here," I told her. "This is your apartment, too."

"It's weird to share a place with someone else," she said. "I've only ever lived with people in my family, you know?"

"Whatever you want to call them," I muttered.

"Well, it was my mom when I was really little," she said, "but I don't really remember that. Then with Charlie – my dad – until he passed away. Then the Blacks on the reservation. This just feels…different."

"Different how?"

She sat back on her heels and chewed on her lip.

"I don't know how to explain it," she finally said. "I just keep waiting for you to get tired of me being here and tell me to get out, and I don't know what I'll do if that happens."

"Bella," I chided. "I'm not going to do that."

I reached over and took her by the chin.

"Why do you think I'm going to send you away?"

"Because you could," she said simply.

There was something else she wasn't telling me, but she didn't want to budge on talking about it. She went out to the living room for another load of clothes, and I tried not to be a total horn-dog and peek at her underwear when she put it away, but I couldn't help it.

I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a bit.

Bella was in the living room zipping up the empty suitcase when I came back out. We found a place at the top of the bedroom closet for it and then sat on the couch for a bit of a rest. Bella was totally lost in thought and zoned out on me to the point where I had to wave my hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"What are you thinking about?" I finally asked her.

"This and that," she responded.

"Not very informative," I told her.

Bella's eyes moved from their fixed point in space to look at me, and she smiled.

"I suppose I've been thinking about the important things," Bella said.

"What kind of _important things_?" I asked.

"Important things," Bella said. She turned her head, and her smile made my heart stop. "Like homemade bookcases and strong arms that keep me safe at night."

…

The next day brought sunshine and unseasonable warmth. Bella headed off to campus early, and I took my normal run before heading to the gym. It felt like forever since I had been there, but I was still greeted in proper _Cheers_ fashion as I walked in and started smacking the heavy bag a bit. Tanya was working with one of the other guys, so it was a while before she could come over and give me shit.

"You've been hiding," she said as I climbed onto an elliptical and upped the tension. I didn't usually use that particular machine, but the idea of sitting my still sore ass down on a stationary bike was not attractive.

"Just waiting to heal up," I told her.

"Don't bullshit me," she responded. "You weren't at your apartment, and Jasper said you borrowed his bike. Since when do you ride?"

"I don't" I answered as I started moving on the machine. "Bella does, though."

"Where did you go?"

"Her hometown," I replied.

"Why?"

"None of your fucking business," I replied. "Now do you mind if I get my workout in here? I'm a little out of shape after my hiatus and I'd like to be able to concentrate."

She looked me over carefully as I spun my legs in circles and moved my arms back and forth. I must not have looked like I gained any weight because she didn't continue to badger me. I went through the rest of my usual routine and then weighed in at two-oh-three.

"See?" I said with a smile. "All good."

"What have you been eating?" she asked.

"Whatever Bella cooks," I told her and grinned when she actually growled under her breath. "She's been doing a lot of vegetables lately. No pancakes on fight night."

"Good," she said.

She looked up at me and eyed me closely. I gave her another big grin.

"You've started fucking her," she announced.

"Nope," I replied.

"Bullshit."

"Swear to God," I replied. "But I'm working on it."

Tanya looked at me, rolled her eyes and started to laugh. She followed me into the locker room and hung out by the door while I yanked off all my clothes and stepped into the shower for a second. I had forgotten soap, so I just went with a quick rinse.

"I don't know if I should hug you or punch you for waiting so long."

"If you hug me," I yelled at her over the noise from the water, "you're the one getting punched."

Tanya's smile faltered a bit as she looked at me. I tried to ignore her stares and stepped out and rubbed the back of my neck with a towel. I fumbled around in my gym back and sighed when I realized I didn't have any boxers in there and then half laughed at myself.

"You look happy," she finally said.

I glanced at her and shrugged without comment.

"How much does she know?" Tanya asked quietly.

I swallowed a couple of times as I shoved stuff into my gym bag. I pulled out a crumpled sweatshirt, saw how nasty it was, and then shoved it back into the bag. I pulled on a pair of black track pants, commando-style, and tied the string low on my hips.

"A little," I eventually answered. "She knows who my family is, and she knows you got me off the shit."

Tanya nodded.

"That's a pretty good start," she said. "You going to tell her the rest?"

"Not planning to."

Tanya gathered up her stuff and followed me outside. She gave me a few nasty looks as I lit up a cigarette but still offered to drive me home once I was done with the smoke. I leaned against her old Honda Civic, blew smoke into the air, and wondered what Bella was doing and if she was ever going to let me get any farther with her. It occurred to me that there was one woman I could ask about such things.

"Hey Tanya?"

"Yeah?" She looked up from her phone and eyed me.

"It's not because I don't want to," I told her.

"Don't want to what?" she asked.

"You know…fuck her."

She narrowed her eyes a little.

"It's just that she…you know…" I paused for a second as I walked away from the car and towards the building, pacing a bit. "I'm trying to take it slow, right? Because she hasn't before. I mean…she's a…you know…a virgin."

"No shit?"

"No shit."

"Hmm," Tanya hummed. "I take it you're not getting anywhere?"

"She just seems really hesitant, you know?" I said. "I want to, but I back off because she seems uncomfortable with it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"How long has this officially been a relationship?"

"Um…almost a week."

Tanya laughed.

"Maybe you should give it a little more time," she suggested. "Had she even been kissed before?"

I didn't really want to think about it.

"She's got this asshole ex," I told her. "They did some stuff, but I don't think she was into it."

"Uh huh."

"I think there's shit about him she hasn't told me," I said. "It pisses me off."

Tanya glared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Pot, meet kettle," she said. "Kettle, pot."

"Nice." I tossed the cigarette butt off towards the parked cars and leaned up against the white stucco wall outside the gym.

"What, you expect her to open up when you don't?" Tanya shook her head at me.

"It's not the same," I said.

"How do you know?"

Well, that logic was a little hard to argue with, but I tried.

"She doesn't want to know about that shit," I said. "Besides that, I don't want to go over it with her. It doesn't matter."

"Maybe she feels the same way," Tanya suggested.

"So what do I do?" I asked. "I mean…sometimes it's like I scare her away or something."

"Are you being an ass at the time?" she asked.

"I don't think so," I replied. I thought about the other night in the hotel. "Well…maybe. But just…you know, teasing."

"Seriously, Edward?" Tanya said with a half smile. "I've seen you sweet talk college girls and MILFs into notches on your bedpost. You really don't know what to say?"

"That's not the same," I scoffed.

"Why not?"

"Because, that shit was just…you know…_talk_. Just saying what they want to hear."

"And why do you do that?"

"Chicks like it," I shrugged. "I said it because it got me laid."

"Well, Bella's a chick, isn't she?"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes.

"So don't you think she might like that kind of talk, too?"

I scowled at her.

"None of that was real," I told her. "I didn't mean any of it."

"So maybe with Bella you should."

I thought about that for a minute and was reminded of Brady and Leah's porch. I recalled what Bella had said there. Then I remembered that even after that, she just curled up and fell asleep on me. It had been a long day, though.

"Edward?" Tanya sighed.

"Yeah?"

"After the sweet talk, let her lead."

I swallowed, leaned a little more against the wall, and wondered if I even had that kind of patience. What if it was weeks, or months? What if she never took any initiative?

"What if…what if she doesn't?" I asked.

Tanya chuckled softly, took a step forward, and placed a single finger at the base of my throat. Her finger trailed down over my sternum, past my abs, dipped into my navel, and hit the edge of my low-riding pants.

"She will," Tanya promised.

I watched the people go by through the window of the car and thought about what Tanya had said all the way home. I tried to think back to when I was out on the prowl for pussy and considered all the various things I would say to women in order to entice them to spend a little more time with me. I wasn't so sure Tanya wasn't full of shit, though, because it's not like there was ever a second date. The ride was too short for me to come to any decent conclusion, so I said goodnight to Tanya and promised not to eat too much crap for breakfast in the morning.

…

Work was good, despite my short time away. I was going to have some bruising on my side and around my ribs, but nothing serious. I felt good on the way home, even though I was tired and it was late. I finished a cigarette and looked up to the fire escape to see Crazy Alice slumped against the wall of the building, puffing away. I headed up the stairs quickly as I fished in my pocket for the key.

When I opened the door, Bella was on the couch with a book propped up on her chest and her eyes closed. I placed my gym bag on the floor next to the door quietly and tip toed passed her to the shower. She was still asleep when I got back out, and I gently slipped the book from her fingers and placed it on the coffee table.

She rolled a little then and mumbled something, but I couldn't figure out what she was trying to say. I tucked my arms under her shoulders and legs and hauled her up. Her head dropped to my shoulder, and she mumbled again.

"Don't want to stay with them…" she said quietly.

"You're with me, babe," I told her. I carried her into the bedroom and lay her down on the bed. Her arms gripped my neck, and I had to untangle them before I could stand up.

"Don't go," she muttered as her eyes fluttered open.

"I was just going to grab something to eat," I said quietly. "I'll eat, smoke, and then be right back."

"I made you dinner," she said. "It's in the fridge."

Tanya's words echoed through my brain, and I reached down to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"You're awesome," I told her with a quick kiss on her temple.

"I know," she said. She smiled and rolled over, grasping the edge of the blanket tightly in her fist as she fell back asleep.

In the refrigerator I found a bunch of stir-fried vegetables and rice in some tangy sauce of some sort. Even cold it was tasty. I finished off the meal with a big glass of ice water before heading back to the bedroom. Bella was out cold, so I climbed out the window for a smoke on the fire escape.

"What's up, fruitcake?" I asked as Crazy Alice fumbled around in her bra for a lighter.

"Stings like a bitch," she said.

"What does?" I said. She didn't answer, she just poked her arm with the end of a jagged fingernail. The imagery made me uncomfortable, so I didn't wait for an answer. "Did ya miss me?"

She didn't say anything.

"We went to the place where Bella is from," I told her. "There are people there who make you look fucking normal."

Crazy Alice didn't respond. She seemed very fixated on something in her hand.

"What's that?" I asked. I stuck my cigarette in my mouth and sat down beside her. When I looked over at her hands, there was a crumpled photograph clutched in her fingers. "Can I see it?"

She took her thumbs and smoothed it out a bit. It was a picture of a black haired girl with wide, dark eyes and a woman who was obviously her mother.

"Is that you?"

"They said she had to go away," Crazy Alice whispered into the cold night air. "I knew she was dead though – they just didn't want to tell me."

A single tear fell from her eyelashes and rolled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," I told her. I wondered if it was her mom's birthday or the anniversary of her death or something. "Were you just a kid then?"

She didn't say anything else, and she didn't shed any more tears. I sat with her for a while and smoked a couple more cigarettes while she looked at the picture.

"Maybe you should sleep inside tonight," I suggested. "It's cold out."

Again, she didn't say anything, but she did get up and crawl through her open window. I followed her inside the almost empty apartment with the bare twin mattress on the floor and went into her kitchen. There was exactly zero food in the refrigerator, so I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, went back to my place, and filled it up with some of the rice and veggies.

"Eat," I told her. I checked her garbage can and found a couple of those microwavable single servings of soup and macaroni and cheese, so she must have eaten something while we were gone.

"You don't cook," she said as she eyed the bowl.

"Bella made it," I told her. "It's good."

She took a cautious bite and then quickly finished it all. I made a mental note to bring her some of Bella's cooking more often. Maybe she'd stop looking like an advertisement for an anorexic clinic.

While she finished up the food, I reached over and touched her greasy, stringy hair, which made her tense up. She was in serious need of some personal hygiene, but that was definitely not my department.

"Your worker come over this week?" I asked, but she wasn't inclined to tell me. It was too late to call the office, so I'd have to remember Monday while Bella was in class or something. I went over to the little chart she had on the wall, which normally contained her list of doctors and medicines, but the pieces of paper that were usually hanging right above the phone were gone. I asked her about it, but she was no longer in the talking mood. I thought I had the social worker's number at my place somewhere, but it was weird for the whole chart to be blank.

"I'm gonna call them," I told her. "Sleep inside tonight, okay?"

She didn't answer, but she didn't head right back to the window or anything either, so I thought she'd be okay. I went back to my own apartment and crawled into bed with Bella. I wrestled with the blanket a little, gave up, and then pulled her up against my chest for warmth instead.

…

_I hear the chiming of the seashells hanging from the feather-covered ribbons in the trees as Bella walks around the large circle. Leah lies in the center with her feet up in stirrups, and Brady stands between her legs, fucking her with quick, rough strokes._

_He grunts and withdraws as another man comes up and takes his place. Brady comes to stand by me and smoke a cigarette._

"_There she is," he says as Bella walks up to me and smiles. She's wearing the same dress that Leah is wearing, and when I glance back to the center of the circle, I see Jake moving up to take position to fuck her next. _

_His hands move up the insides of Leah's legs, pushing them farther apart before he reaches down to release his dick from his pants. He steps up closer to position himself, and his head turns to look at me. As his eyes lock with mine, and a cruel smile crosses his face. His hips shove forward, and I hear Bella cry out._

_When I look to my left, she's no longer standing beside me._

"_You wouldn't give her one," Brady says as he lights another cigarette and hands it to Leah. "Always know what's best for her, don't you?"_

"_I didn't…I don't want…" I look back over and see Bella on her back with her feet in the air. Jacob's eyes are still on mine as he thrusts into her repeatedly. He wriggles his eyebrows up and down and laughs, but I can't move. I can't even speak up._

"_Try this – it will make it stop hurting," the old woman says as she holds a bowl up to my lips._

_I reach out to take the bowl and drink the liquid, but it is gone. Instead, my outstretched arm is wrapped with a piece of tubing right above my elbow. I watch the old woman slap at the inside of my elbow to bring the vein into view._

_The sting of the needle is familiar, welcome, and comforting. I look up from the dusty floor where I'm sitting in the middle of an abandoned apartment building, the walls of which are half burned up. The girl off to my right is banging for the third time in an hour. It seems like too much, but she's been doing it a lot longer than me. She's gotta get some just to stay straight._

_My head swims, and the pain is gone. My mind spins and swirls in majestic arcs, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, the past has just disappeared. It's gone, and it doesn't hurt. The images leave me as I float and swim inside of myself. _

_As soon as I start to fall, there is another needle. Another prick. Another high._

_The girl to my right lies down on her side. Her face is a strange, unnatural color, but she's still beautiful. I move over her, push up her skirt, and bury myself inside of her. The feeling is overwhelming and nearly spiritual, but I can't come in her. I just keep fucking her until I'm too tired to move anymore, and I have to roll over on my side…_

I knew the entire time that I had been dreaming, but I still felt sick to my stomach when I woke up. I swallowed back bile and tightened the hold I had on Bella. I was glad to be back in our bed again – no uncomfortable couches or outlandish hotel rooms – just our place and just us. Tomorrow was Saturday, and I would be able to get in a quick workout, and then spend the rest of the day just hanging out and watching her study.

Oh wait…no…I needed to take her out on a date.

I extracted myself from her arms and the bed as my mind started racing around on what I could do for an actual date with Bella. _Feet First_ was totally out of the question, and so was _Newton's_. There were a few other substandard eateries and a waffle house down the main drag, but none of those were a good place for a date.

Of course, the bigger issue was that I couldn't afford to take her anywhere else. Even if I did take her out, it wasn't like I was going to get any when we got back home.

Inside the bathroom, I took a piss and then looked in the mirror at my face. I looked a little rough, no doubt. There was a decent black and blue mark over my left cheek, which I didn't even realize I had. I rubbed at it for a minute before splashing my face with cold water.

I shook my head. It wasn't about getting into her pants – it wasn't. I still wanted it, though. I had meant what I said when I told her I would wait as long as she wanted, and I would. I just hoped it didn't take too long. Like, more than an hour.

Fuck.

I was being a total ass, and I couldn't help it. At least it was all inside my head, where such things probably ought to stay if I had any hope of ever introducing Bella to the moody little bastard between my legs. And by introduction, I meant getting inside her and spending the majority of the night poking around in there and listening to her moan my name a few hundred times.

The linoleum floor in the kitchen was cold on my feet, and I had to smile a bit at how there always seemed to be a clean cup in the cupboard whenever I looked for one now. I used to just rinse one out from the sink.

I heard a slight noise behind me, and I turned to see Bella shuffle out of the bedroom with her hair looking like she was straight out of a Billy Idol music video. She yawned and stumbled a bit in her early morning drowsiness, and whatever chill the cold floor had brought over my body vanished in a wave of warmth when I looked at her. She rubbed at her eyes, and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up.

I was never one accused of patience, but for her I would wait.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Hope you enjoyed!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.  
**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

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Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	16. Feel the Heat

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! It is 4am as I write this, and I am about to head to the airport for a quick weekend getaway (without the family!) to Orlando, but I have my phone set to alarm at posting time, so hopefully this doesn't go out late.

Have a wonderful weekend!

**"I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower."**

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Feel the Heat**

"_Could you give me your name again, please?"_

"Edward Cullen," I said for the tenth time. "I'm calling about Alice Brandon. Her worker's supposed to be here every Tuesday or Wednesday or something, but she hasn't been coming."

"_Your social security number?"_

"Lady, this ain't for me!" I growled. "She's my neighbor. I just want to find out what's up with her worker."

"_Is Miss Brandon a relative of yours?"_

"No," I seethed, "like I already fucking told you, she's my _neighbor_."

"_I'm sorry, sir,"_ the moronic bitch on the phone replied, _"but I can't discuss any client cases unless you are a member of the family."_

"I don't want to discuss her case," I said. "I just want to find out why her worker hasn't been here."

"_The name of her case worker, please?"_

_Now_ she says please. I was about to march over to the Family Foundations building and please myself by tearing her tongue out of her mouth.

"Her name is Meredith."

"_Last name?"_

"I have no fucking idea," I snapped, "and as you might recall from twenty minutes ago, this is where this whole conversation started!"

"_There's no reason to yell at me-"_

"Other than your incompetence?" I boomed. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Perhaps patronizing her would work better, so I started all over again from the beginning. "Her name is Meredith. She's Alice Brandon's social worker and has been for the last three years. She gave me her number in case Alice ever needed anything, and when I try to call it, the phone rings busy. I don't think anyone's been to see Alice in a couple of weeks at least, and she's not cashing her checks and there's no food on the apartment."

"_Oh, that's just terrible!"_

I rolled my eyes.

"So, if you could just tell me how I can get a hold of Meredith, I'm sure she'd figure everything out."

"_Meredith is a client receiving services?"_

"No, she works there."

"_And the client's name?"_

I sighed deeply, banged my head against the receiver end of the phone a couple of times, and then put it back to my ear.

"Alice Brandon."

"_I'm sorry, but we don't have an Alice Brandon registered. Perhaps another agency?"_

"You are the only agency in town!"

"_We are?"_

I slammed the phone down. Then I picked it back up and slammed it down a couple more times just for good measure. I stopped when I managed to catch my thumb in the middle.

"Shit!" I rubbed at it a couple times before sticking it in my mouth. Why does biting down on something make it feel better?

"Has the phone done something terrible this morning?" Bella walked around the corner with her hair all wrapped up in a towel.

I wish it had been her body wrapped up in a towel, which I could accidently make fall to the floor.

"I can't reach Crazy Alice's worker."

"Why do you want to?"

"Because," I sighed. I ran my hands through my hair. "There are two disability checks in her apartment, which means she hasn't had cash in six weeks or so, and she's got no food in the house at all. Her worker usually talked her into going to the store every week."

Bella's eyes got big as she glanced towards the bedroom, and presumably towards Crazy Alice's usually camping spot.

"Is she okay?"

"Fuck if I know," I said with a shrug.

"I mean…is she starving or something?"

"I took her some of the leftovers from the past couple of days," I told her.

"That's why you haven't been eating more than one serving all weekend? I thought Tanya had been harassing you."

"Nah – just saving a bit for her," I shrugged.

"Good," Bella said with a nod. "I can make extra today."

"And that's sweet and wonderful," I said, "but not exactly pragmatic."

"What do you mean?"

"Shit, Bella – it's not like we have a ton to spare here."

Bella looked glum as she sat down at the kitchen table. I got up and poured her a glass of apple juice and refilled my own. She drank and considered what I had told her with her chin in her hand.

"You said her checks are there?" Bella suddenly piped up.

"Yeah."

"Well, couldn't we get them cashed?"

"Not unless you have an ID that says you're her."

"That's not what I mean." Bella shook her head. "I mean take her to some place where she can cash her checks, then take her to the grocery store for food."

"You want to take Crazy Alice on an outing to the store?" I raised my eyebrows at her, wondering if she had the slightest idea what she was suggesting.

"Well, if the social worker doesn't get here, what else can we do?"

Bella ended up making extra breakfast, which I then delivered to Crazy Alice on the fire escape along with a fresh pack of smokes. She was more interested in the nicotine than the biscuits, but she at least ate a little bit.

After about ten more calls, I finally found out that Meredith Jones, the social worker assigned to Crazy Alice's case, had moved out of state two weeks ago to take care of an ailing parent. She wasn't expected to return to the agency. I also found out that Crazy Alice's first name was actually Mary, which was at least partially to blame for the insane amount of phone calls it took to get any answers.

All the other workers had too many caseloads, so she was on a waiting list for the next available one. Government cutbacks or a grant that wasn't renewed or something – I didn't understand what the dude was going on about. All I knew was that Bella was now completely insistent on taking Crazy Alice to the bank and grocery store.

I wasn't so sure we'd survive the endeavor.

"I'll go through the window and let you in," I told Bella.

She nodded and turned to walk out to the hallway while I crawled back out on the fire escape and coaxed Crazy Alice inside the building. With her dropped at the kitchen table, I opened the door for Bella.

Bella's eyes got pretty big when she looked around Crazy Alice's apartment. I remembered my reaction the first time I came in and figured my face had looked about the same. Her original fervor in wanting to help out seemed to wane as she walked through the doorway.

One wall was entirely covered with empty cigarette packs. It was a giant mosaic paying homage to the gods of Marlboro, Camel, and various other Phillip Morris affiliates. There wasn't any discernible design or anything, but it reminded me of one of those pictures you were supposed to look at while focusing somewhere else, and then you could see other images in it. Except with Crazy Alice's masterpiece, there wasn't anything else to see.

There was a couch and a chair much like all the furnished apartments had in the living room, but no cushions on them. They were destroyed when Crazy Alice started throwing them out the window at passing cars and busses. In the kitchen the walls were covered with those free calendars banks give out around the holidays, dating back around fifteen years. There had to be about ten for each year, so you couldn't see any of the actual walls. Some of them even seemed to be overlapping the years behind them.

I checked the fridge just to make sure no one had come in since I had last looked, but it was still empty.

"How about a little trip, loony?" I asked.

"Edward!" Bella said quietly.

As if Crazy Alice didn't have ears.

"What?" I asked.

"Quit calling her names."

"She doesn't give a shit, do ya, fruitcake?"

Crazy Alice didn't answer.

"It's still not nice!" Bella chastised in a whisper.

"Neither is whispering like she can't hear you," I replied with a raised brow.

Bella pursed her lips but didn't give me any more grief for the various pet names I had for my neighbor. I dug around in her mail until I came up with not two, but three checks she hadn't cashed.

"Crazy Alice, have you met Bella before?" I asked her.

She didn't respond.

"Say hi." I jerked my head towards where Crazy Alice was sitting.

"Hello," Bella said. She tilted her head a little, trying to get Crazy Alice to look at her. I could see the tension in her shoulders at Bella's scrutiny, and I took the opportunity to come up behind her.

Right next to her on the table were her cigarettes. While Crazy Alice focused on Bella, I quickly picked up the pack and dumped the smokes into the pocket of my hoodie. I dropped the empty pack back where I was and started heading towards the front door.

"Come on, bitch," I said with a wave of my hand. "Let's go get you some more smokes."

Her face scrunched up as she reached for the pack next to her and found it empty. She sighed heavily, totally refused to put on any kind of jacket, and then followed us out of the apartment and down towards the grocery store.

"There's a check cashing place a couple blocks past the store," I informed Bella. "I'm pretty sure they'll cash government checks. I mean, if you can't trust a government check not to bounce, you can't trust the water to stay up in the clouds, right?"

Bella just shook her head at my lame excuse for a joke and glanced behind her to make sure Crazy Alice was still following.

"What is wrong with her?" Bella asked.

"I dunno," I said. "Hey, Crazy bitch – what's wrong with you?"

"All the right chemicals," Crazy Alice said, much to my surprise. I wasn't expecting any kind of response. "They just got all out of order."

"See what good it does?" I pointed out to Bella. "She just says random shit."

"That wasn't random," Bella argued. "She's saying she has a chemical imbalance."

"Can't walk on a tight rope," Crazy Alice muttered.

"See?" Bella said with a smile. "No balance."

I grinned at her.

"You're awfully smart for a small town girl."

Check cashing wasn't too big of a deal, but taking Crazy Alice through the grocery store was sort of like taking a bunch of those little gnat-bugs and trying to get them to organize a synchronized swimming team. She was all over the fucking place, with no rhyme or reason to whatever direction she might head next. I didn't know what she really liked to eat, but we picked out a variety of stuff that fit within the amount I figured would be left over from the checks after rent and bills and shit was all covered.

It was a pretty decent stack of food – Bella was awesome at taking a small amount of money and ending up with a fucking banquet.

There were about five hundred and twenty seven people trying to check out through two available lanes. There were also at least fifty seven workers on break and hanging outside. Well, all right, there were nine people in line and two on break, but it still pissed me off.

I sighed dramatically and eyed the various gossip mags. They all seemed pretty focused on some Hollywood couple and whether or not they were secretly banging each other. The various flavors of gum right above the magazine racks were far more interesting. After about forty days and nights, we were next in line. That was when Crazy Alice stood up on her toes to look over the counter for a moment, and then took off running.

"What the fuck!" I growled.

The woman in front of me turned around and glared. I eyed her right back.

"My dick's a little lower if you want to check that out, too."

"My word!" she exclaimed as she kept glaring.

"If your word includes_ let me drop on my knees and take your cock down my throat_, then we might have something to discuss. Otherwise, turn the fuck around and mind your own damn business!"

Bella smacked me on the back.

"What did I do?" I asked as I turned around. "The bitch is being rude!"

"Go get Alice!" Bella said. "She ran over by the fruit."

I handed Bella the cash for the food and then headed off in the direction Crazy Alice had gone. I groaned as I got around the corner to find a line of her clothing leading up to a display of vegetables. Crazy Alice was lying on top of a bunch of lettuce heads with an apple in her mouth and her arms spread out wide, like she was ready to be nailed to a cross. There were people standing all around, some with kids whose eyes they tried to cover from the crazy chick in her underwear. A manager was yelling at her.

"I don't know what you are doing, ma'am," he said, "but we can't have you…um…lying down on the produce."

He moved up closer to her but seemed hesitant to touch her. He pulled a little radio out of a holster in his pocket and called for backup.

"I got her," I said as I walked around him. I marched right up and scooped her up in my arms like a baby, though she was not pleased about it at all. She wriggled and screamed and spit bits of apple into my face.

She continued to wail and struggle as I scooped down and grabbed her clothes. I tucked them up underneath my arm and tried not to lose my grip on the nutcase at the same time. It just wasn't working, so I switched to a fireman's hold – tossing her upside down over my shoulder.

Bella was paying for the stuff as I headed out the door, and I met her just outside. I stopped her before she could add the cart back to the corral.

"We're taking that with us," I told her.

"I can carry this," she said. "It's not that much."

I shook my head and walked over to the cart, shoved the little kid's seat back with my elbow, and dropped Crazy Alice into the middle of the basket. Then I grabbed all the food and piled it on top of her.

"Believe me," I said, "this is going to be easier."

After just a block or so, Crazy Alice stopped screaming and just settled in for the ride. She busted out a loaf of bread and started eating the crusts off of each slice, and then put the rest of it back in the bag. At least no one else would be sharing with her. After that we managed to get her back to the apartment without much more than a little screaming at passersby.

Inside, Crazy Alice immediately dug for the carton of smokes and ripped them open. She lit one and hung it out the side of her mouth while she studiously ripped pieces of masking tape off a roll and taped the boxes to the bottom part of the mosaic.

"Do you want some help?" Bella asked. Crazy Alice didn't answer, but Bella sat down next to her anyway. She tore off pieces of tape and looped them while Crazy Alice stuck them to the back of the packs and then on the wall.

I just shook my head and shoved the perishable stuff into the refrigerator. Once all the cigs were "properly stored" Crazy Alice crawled out the window and took up her usual spot on the fire escape. Bella took the opportunity to poke around in the apartment while I smoked outside.

"Did you put your penis in her yet?" Crazy Alice said as I lit up, nearly causing me to choke on the smoke.

"Stop saying that shit," I told her. "Bella doesn't want you talking about us like that."

"That's the only way, you know. It doesn't work if you're wearing a bathing suit."

"You're a Froot Loop, you know that?"

She didn't say anything else but puffed away and pulled at a string at the bottom of her pants. I considered warning her that they would fall apart if she kept it up, but I didn't think she'd listen anyway, so I saved my breath.

"Edward?" Bella called as I was tossing the butt over the rail. "Can you come in here?"

I crawled into the window and found Bella in Alice's bedroom. There were dirty clothes all over the place, and Bella was gathering them up.

"We need to do laundry," she said. "I thought we might as well get hers while we're at it."

It was bad enough to hang out long enough to do my own, but now I'd have to be there while mine, Bella's, and Alice's were all washed and dried? I groaned.

"Quit your whining," Bella said. "She doesn't have that much. I think we could work it in with ours."

Crazy Alice came back in, probably wondering what the fuck the two of us were doing in her apartment. Bella chatted with her like the nutcase was actually responding, telling her how we had laundry to do, so we'd just take care of hers while we were at it, and that maybe Bella had a couple of outfits that would fit Alice, and Bella could still make extra food at our place, and blah blah blah.

I didn't get any of it, and frankly, I wasn't sure I wanted to. All I knew was Bella was smiling while she was talking and Crazy Alice didn't seem too perturbed by her presence. I hung out in the kitchen and just watched the two of them interact.

By the time we got back to our own apartment, Bella was exhausted but happy. Happy Bella led to making out, which made me pretty happy, too. Making out led to a rather unhappy appendage of mine, and I had to take a quick shower to appease the moody little bastard before we headed off to bed.

…

_Let her take the lead_, Tanya had said.

Sage-fucking-advice.

Weeks later, we still hadn't done much more than kiss. There was a little touching, but not much more than what we had done during the first kiss. Bella's hands pretty much stayed on my shoulders or arms when she wasn't playing around with my hair, and I would only occasionally slide my hand over her ass. She didn't encourage anything else, so I didn't do anything else.

It wasn't all bad, though.

Having Bella sit between my legs and lean back against my chest had become my favorite winter pastime. We would sit like that on the floor in front of the couch while we watched movies or on the couch while we drank apple juice. Sometimes we would sit like that in bed, and Bella would read one of her textbooks while I just relaxed against the pillows and held her.

We even sat like that in front of the cheesy, artificial mini Christmas tree Siobhan had gifted to us for the holidays. It fit our holiday theme so well, I found us a Linus blue blanket at a thrift store and gave Bella a little stuffed Snoopy dog as a present.

Bella gave me a really nice Adidas duffle bag to replace my existing gym bag, which had developed a decent sized hole in the bottom of it. The bag she found looked really expensive, but she told me she got it at a yard sale. I knew she hadn't spent too much on it because she always got money from me when she needed some. She had to have skimmed off the grocery money to get me anything. She also got me a new pair of shoelaces for my running shoes, since they were pretty much completely trashed.

I picked up an extra fight over the holidays at a bar in the next city over. The guy was good and just as big as me, but I was faster. I got clobbered pretty good, but I managed to take him down and bring home an extra hundred and fifty dollars. It was just enough to get caught back up with the bills, and Tanya said she's try to find me a few more like that.

Bella applied for and got the job at the campus library, but the hours weren't much and didn't start until after the winter break from classes. She was really happy when she brought her first paycheck home, and it covered most of the electric bill. After that, she continued to just hand the check over to me with proclamations about _owing_ me for whatever. I thought it was bullshit, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

I still hadn't taken her on a real date.

There just wasn't any money for it. Even with the extra Bella was bringing in, she didn't have enough hours at the library to make much difference. Tanya was trying to get me more fights, but outside of the local bars, I was an unknown, and no one was really interested in picking me up other than for a one night gig. Overall, it meant I was doing a little bit of letting the phone bill slide a few extra days just to get the water bill paid and shit like that.

Still, the money issues didn't bother me all that much. It was tight, but when I came home from working or working out and had Bella there, it was all worth it. Every time I laced up my running shoes with the new laces, I knew I would come back home to find her waiting for me, usually with a big glass of cold water and a hot kiss.

Crazy Alice had become a much larger presence in our lives. Part of me wanted to be ticked off that Bella was spending so much time with her, but in all the years I had lived there I had never seen Crazy Alice do anything other than hang out on the balcony.

Besides, it continued to make Bella happy. I hadn't thought about it, but it wasn't like she had any friends around here other than me, and she had to get tired of my bullshit sometimes. Having another chick around – even a crazy one – had to be better than nothing. Bella and Tanya had tried to be civil around each other, but I could tell it made them both kind of uncomfortable, though I wasn't sure why. Maybe it had something to do with how I made money. Bella still managed to find reasons not to ever come and watch me fight. I didn't press, but I had to admit it did bother me a little.

"Are you hurt?" Bella asked the second I walked into the door from work.

"Not a scratch," I replied with a half smile. "The guy was just barely in my weight class and probably won't be fighting again for a while."

Bella scowled at the remark, and then came over to check me out to make sure I wasn't bullshitting her. I held out my arms, and she gave me a once over and then a nod.

"Glad you're okay," she said. "I hate it when I can't kiss you."

She punctuated the remark with her lips against mine, something she hadn't been able to do the previous week when I returned with a busted lip. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up. Taking a few steps forward, I pinned her against the wall for a minute – it always made her giggle – and then carried her over to the couch.

Her hands pressing on my chest made me back off, and she looked at me out of one eye and wrinkled her nose.

"You didn't shower at _Feet First_, did you?"

"Heh," I responded. "Nah, it was a slow night and I wanted to get back here. I'll get cleaned up."

I washed quickly, and when I was done, I peeked around the door to make sure Bella was still focused on the TV before running naked to the bedroom to grab some clothes. I couldn't find anything comfortable in the drawers, was totally out of boxers, and all my sweats were in the bottom of the pile, so I yanked on a pair of jeans before heading back out.

Bella looked up as I came around the corner and gave me one of those smiles that seemed to make my brain turn to mush. Either that or the guy I had beaten earlier landed one good punch on me. I scooted up next to her and put my arm around her shoulders, figuring we'd watch the rest of whatever movie she had on, but Bella had other ideas.

She turned to me almost immediately, got up on her knees, and wrapped her fingers up in my hair before kissing me. My hands found her hips, and I alternated my focus between the taste of her tongue and resisting the urge to pull her down against my cock.

Her hands moved down to my shoulders, and then further down my arms before moving up again. We moved together with open mouths, just barely touching with lips and tongues. Her mouth moved to my jaw, and she nibbled playfully at the scruff there as her hand moved over my chest.

I felt my body tighten at her touch, and my skin tingled as her fingers moved over my chest and down to my abs. She took one finger and slid it over the ridge of each muscle. My hand caught her under her chin, and I brought her mouth back to mine.

Open mouthed, I moved from her lips, up the line of her jaw, to her ear, and back again. My other hand crept from her hip up her side, and my thumb stroked the skin of her stomach. I felt her hand over mine.

I started to pull away, assuming her intent was to tell me to stop, but her grip on my fingers tightened. Opening my eyes, I looked down to her and watched her tongue dart out over her lips before she slowly pushed my hand upwards.

"You sure?" I breathed, hating myself for even asking the question instead of jumping on the opportunity. In response, Bella rose up just enough to pull her shirt up over her head.

My cock tried to jump right through the material of my jeans to tit fuck her right there in her bra.

I had to actually physically restrain myself from the action as she settled back on her knees above me. The bra itself wasn't unfamiliar – I'd seen all of her clothes in the drawers before – but having the lacy white material wrapping around her smooth breasts laid out before me was completely different.

I sat up and moved her with me until she was flat on her back on the couch and I was hovering over her. My tongue moistened my lips as I gazed down at the pale flesh before me, with only a slight curve visible at the top of the lacy front.

As slowly as I could stand, I traced her skin from the edge of the thin strap around her shoulder and down to the mound of flesh against the lace edge. Barely touching her, I outlined from one edge over the curve, down into the slight dip, and back over again. My fingertip completed the trek back up to her other shoulder, and then began to make its way down again.

Once it hit the center of the dip again, I fanned out my fingers – still keeping my touch ultra-light – and stroked slowly towards the outside of her breast. I could feel my own breathing increasing in tempo with hers as I touched her through the thin material. I mimicked the motion with my other hand and the other breast, leaning in to kiss her shoulder as I moved.

I didn't push the material aside like I wanted to. This was far more than I expected out of the evening, and I wasn't going to push her any further unless she explicitly asked for it. Instead, I swiveled the tip of my finger around her nipple and felt it tighten with my touch.

Bella gasped, and her hips bucked slightly, which brought a huge smile to my face. I continued with the light, barely there touches until her eyes were hooded and her mouth dropped open as she exhaled.

"Do you feel that?" I whispered against her neck as I traced the outside of her nipple. I pulled back a little so I was over her again, and then let my gaze linger down her body. "All the way down between your legs?"

She gasped, and her eyes darted to mine. She seemed to shift quickly from shocked to desire, and her hand moved to run down my chest again, this time dropping lower. I captured her mouth as her finger traced the thin line of hair from my navel down to the top button of my jeans and stopped there, hesitant. I couldn't breathe for a moment as my thumb slowly circled her nipple, and her mouth opened to meet mine again.

"Uhh," I grunted as breath escaped through my lips at the touch of her hand through the denim. I tried to silence myself for a couple of reasons – one, because I didn't want to start whooping for joy and scare the shit out of her now that she had finally made a move, and two, because I was afraid any sound I made would encourage my hips to move with the sound, and possibly impaling her on my dick in the process.

God, I wanted to impale her. I could be Vlad the Impaler, and she could be my little Vampella.

She moved her hand slowly, fingers straight, over the outside of my jeans as I tried to keep myself totally still. With hesitance, she palmed the bulge that was desperately trying to escape from the tightly confined space.

"Show me?" she asked in a whisper.

Without hesitance, I covered her hand with mine, feeling the warmth of her palm pushing against my straining cock with more pressure. Slowly, I moved our hands together, sliding her curled fingers over the outside of my jeans from the base of my dick to the tip and wishing I had known she was going to do this earlier so I could have changed into sweats for the occasion.

"Is this okay?" her tiny voice asked.

"Oh fuck, God, yes…" I babbled. My cock thought it had gone to dick heaven or something and was seriously threatening to bust some buttons. It was like it hadn't had any hand on it but my own in over a year…

…oh wait, it hadn't….

…and was trying to remind me that _this_ was what it was supposed to feel like.

Bella seemed to be getting the hang of it, so I released her hand and ran it up her bare side. She shuddered a little as I diverted course and brushed softly over her tits again. My lips covered hers, and I moaned into her mouth as she moved a little faster and with more earnest.

Bella's hand came up and palmed the head of my dick. Her fingers circled and twisted a little, creating tension through my body that began to focus below my navel. My thighs trembled slightly.

"Bella…baby…shit…"

"What?" she asked, her eyes going wide as her hand stopped moving. "Was that wrong?"

"No…God, fuck no," I muttered with only slight coherency. "It's just…I'm gonna come if you keep going."

"You are?" she whispered.

I tried not to laugh. I mean, what did she think was going to happen?

"Yeah, I am," I said simply. I felt her hand leave my cock all together, and tried not to sigh too loudly. I was greatly determined not to look disappointed, but I didn't get the chance. I felt her fingers at the top button of my jeans. I watched with growing surprise as she unbutton them all, allowing my cock to escape.

"I happen to know you own underwear," she commented.

"I might need to do laundry."

She didn't say anything else about my fear of the Laundromat. Instead, her fingers reached out and touched the tip, causing the rather happy little bastard to jump a little. I watched her tongue wet her lips and wondered how long it might be before I felt her mouth on my cock. The thought was quickly rendered meaningless as I felt her hand grasp my hard flesh.

"Oh, fuck…yes…" I mumbled, and Bella smiled as she started to move her hand over me again, this time with skin to skin.

Still trying to give her the lead, I didn't buck my hips into her hand as much as I might have wanted to, but just let her feel me in her hand and move how she wanted. I wasn't going to complain about technique, anyway. I was mostly just trying not to blow in under thirty seconds.

Bella tightened her grip a little, and my cock angled out a little farther from my body. She slid her fingers easily up and down the shaft, and I tried not to look smug when I noticed her fingers didn't even come close to reaching around me.

My head tilted back, and I groaned as her hand came up over the head of my cock before sliding back down. My hand ran down her side and gripped the outside of her thigh.

"That's it," I told her. "A little faster."

She obliged, which elicited another loud moan from me. I panted as my fingers gripped her thigh and I felt a familiar – yet far too long without another participant – tightening in my back and legs. My balls clenched and my legs shook as I cried out one more time before euphoric spasms followed the movement of her hand up my shaft, and I came in spurts all over her hand and yoga pants.

She stroked me a couple more times, further spreading semen around and making me just want to melt into her.

My mouth caught hers, and I kissed her in gratitude.

"Was that all right?" she asked, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Are you covered in my jizz?"

She blushed, and I kissed her quickly one more time before running off to the kitchen for a pair of towels, one of which I dampened in the kitchen sink before returning to clean us both off.

"I should probably change my clothes," Bella giggled.

"Well, you could," I said. "Or you could wait until I get a chance to pay you back."

"Oh…um…no, that's okay," Bella stammered. "I mean…maybe another time?"

I tried to hide my disappointment, but I figured we were still taking things one step at a time or whatever. Frankly, after the hand-job I was feeling far too good to be too upset about not getting to touch her back.

"It's probably about time to head to bed anyway."

"Laundry tomorrow," she announced as she got up from the couch.

"Ugh," I grumbled. "You know how to kill a mood."

We both changed into sleeping attire and then met in the center of the queen sized bed. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her again.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Normally I'd be returning the favor about now, but you haven't said okay to that yet."

"Umm…"

"No rush," I said. "When you want it, just remember I owe you one."

More blushing.

She settled against my chest, and I lay my head back against the pillow. She was warm, and I was still reeling from the fact that I didn't have to jerk myself off that evening. Granted, it wasn't the same as being inside of her, but at this point I considered it a giant fucking leap.

"You never do what I think you are going to do," Bella remarked quietly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I was expecting…I don't know…_groping_, I guess."

"Did you _want_ me to grope at you?" I asked.

"She shook her head.

"No," she said quietly. "I just…figured you would."

"Bella," I growled. I reached up and took her chin in my fingers, tilting her head a little to look at me. "You gotta tell me what you want and what you don't want. If you want to get groped, tell me that because I'm probably happy to oblige. If you don't want something, you have to tell me that, too."

Her shoulders came up in a tight shrug.

"What?" I pressed. "Why don't you want to talk about this?"

"It's just…embarrassing."

"Bella, you just held onto the most intimate part of me while I came all over your pants. Frankly, that shits a little embarrassing, too, but it's all part of the package deal."

"Package deal?"

"Sex, baby," I said. "It can get messy, but it's all worth it. It can be embarrassing too, but one thing it won't be is any good if you don't talk about what you want."

"I don't know what I want," she admitted. "I don't know what to tell you, and you're going to…"

She trailed off and didn't continue until I practically had to beg.

"You'll be disappointed," she finally whispered. "Or you'll really want something I don't like."

"Bella!" I said again. "Jesus, girl, this isn't a one way street, you know. Part of what I _like_ is finding out what _you_ like. I want to see you come all over me, and I know I made you feel that way. If I'm doing something you don't like, you won't come. If you don't come, it defeats the whole purpose of fucking."

"But we haven't yet," she reminded me.

As if I had forgotten.

"Well, we made a decent amount of progress tonight," I replied with a grin.

"Are you going to…get tired of waiting?" she asked.

"Not if you keep doing that," I assured her, but she didn't smile. "Bella, you know I'm perfectly capable of getting myself off if I really need to."

Her eyes got big.

"You do that?"

I couldn't help it, that one caused a big belly laugh.

"About every fucking time I get in the shower," I told her.

"You shower twice a day."

"Sometimes three times."

Bella pondered for a while, and I stroked my hand up and down her arm. My index finger traced a line over the top of her shoulder, up her neck, and down the edge of her jaw.

"Do you ever do that?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Touch yourself." She didn't have to answer, I could tell from her darkened cheeks and the way she refused to look at me.

"Not…often," she finally admitted.

Damn, if that didn't make me hard again.

I leaned in and kissed her right below her ear, then moved down to her shoulder, and then back up again. The tips of my fingers grazed over the skin of her arm.

"Do you think about me when you do?"

"I don't have to say," she replied haughtily.

"I'll take that as a yes then," I murmured into her ear. "That will make my job easier when you decide you want me to return the favor."

…

I had pretty much decided I could survive by hand-jobs alone.

Bella still hadn't gotten to the point where she would let me reciprocate, but I was definitely getting more boob time and I now owed her six orgasms once she did get comfortable with the idea of me getting my hands between her legs.

My feet pounded the cement, and the frozen vapor of my breath escaped my mouth in quick, rhythmic bursts. It had warmed up a lot in the last week, but it was still cold enough to have started my run in a hooded sweatshirt. I was nearing the end of the trek, though, and I was feeling damn hot in the thing. As soon as I got to the apartment building and did a quick cool-down walk around it, I pulled the sweatshirt over my head before walking into the hallway, still panting a little.

I heard voices from beyond the door before I opened it and was relatively surprised to see Bella sitting on the couch with another young woman. She had a shock of bouncing red curls and a laptop computer open across her legs.

"Hiya!" Bella said with a giggle.

I had no idea what she was giggling about, so I gave her a look that was intended to ask her if she had been drinking. She just giggled again.

"This is Maggie," she informed me. "Maggie, this is Edward."

"Hi," Maggie said, and her face flushed about the same color as her hair.

"Hi," I replied hesitantly. I tossed the sweatshirt down on top of my gym bag, which sat on the floor near the door. Bella rolled her eyes, and I picked it up and hung it over the back of the chair instead. Even I had to admit I was a bit of a slob, but she was trying to mend my ways.

"Maggie and I are working on a project together," Bella informed me. "We have to do a presentation next Friday, and she has her own laptop!"

"I see that," I said.

It's on the psychology of economics," Maggie said. "Why some people choose to live below their means and others spend far more than they should."

I raised a brow at Bella but didn't comment.

"We're going to do interviews with people," Bella informed me, "who are either spending way more money than they can really afford, subjecting themselves to credit card debt, but then there are others who don't buy the luxury car and live according to what they make."

"Then there are others who subject themselves to poverty," Maggie added.

"It's something we've talked about in class," Bella said. "It's all about socioeconomic classes and the decisions that lead to either moving yourself up or down. Are they happenstance, poor planning, or conscious choices?"

I laughed once through my nose.

"Sounds…thrilling."

"Don't you mock me!" Bella snapped, but she was hiding a grin.

"Who, me?" I asked, feigning innocence. "You know I just don't understand any of that shit."

"Whatever!"

Maggie was looking back and forth between us, but every time I met her stare, she looked away quickly and blushed again. It was pretty fucking funny, actually. She couldn't look me in the eye at all.

"Well, if you'll excuse me," I said with a wicked grin and even wickeder follow up, "I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower."

Maggie's mouth dropped open, and her eyes bugged out like a frog's. I couldn't help myself, so I walked over to the couch, grabbed Bella's chin, and planted a good one on her mouth before I sauntered out of the room, untying my sweats as I went.

"Oh my God, Edward!" Bella yelled after me. "The worst part is that he's probably telling the truth!"

With a laugh, I shut the bathroom door behind me.

"Bella, you minx!" Maggie whispered in far too loud a voice for me _not_ to hear. "_That's_ your _boyfriend_?"

"Uh huh," Bella replied, and she giggled again.

Fucking schoolgirls.

I smiled as I turned on the water, because I kind of liked it.

After the shower and a quick jerk-off, I stood in front of the mirror and rubbed at my chin. I grabbed the razor and made quick work of the day's worth of growth and then brushed my teeth. When I walked back out, I paused like a creepy little stalker and listened to them talk.

"I just don't see how you are not doing him," Maggie was saying. Her voice was quiet, and I might have felt bad for eavesdropping, but the topic was just too interesting. "I mean, you live with him, you're dating, and he has got to be one of the hottest guys I have ever seen in my life. He's older, he's seriously built, and sexy as fuck. Why aren't you jumping his bones?"

"We've done some stuff," Bella replied quietly.

"That's a man that needs it all," Maggie replied.

I wondered just what sort of man I was supposed to be, and if there were any out there who didn't _need it all_.

"It's not that simple," Bella replied quietly. "I just…don't feel ready. I mean – it's exactly what you just said – he's older and…well…gorgeous. Do you realize how many women he's been with? How am I going to compare to all that?"

"Bella," Maggie said with a sigh. "He's not with _those_ girls, he's with you!"

"I know that," she said, "but I…well, I don't have any…you know…_experience_."

"Ohhhh!" Maggie drew out the syllable for way too long. "Well, you certainly have the opportunity! Just…go for it."

"Yeah," Bella grunted, "go and make a fool of myself.

"I doubt he's going to mind what you do," Maggie assured her. "I mean – he's a guy, right? From the last couple of boyfriend's I've had, they're pretty happy with whatever they can get. Besides, lots of guys think that's really hot to be with a virgin."

"But it's still a risk, isn't it?" Bella asked. "I mean, if he…if I…well, if I _suck_ at it, then he can probably replace me in about thirty seconds. He gets all kinds of offers every time he works. They buy him drinks and ask him out all the time. If what he has here is…_mediocre_…why not take one of them up on it?"

"Are you serious?" Maggie said in a harsh whisper. "Aren't you more afraid if he's not getting any here, he'll find it somewhere else?"

"A little," Bella admitted. "I don't really think Edward is the cheating type, though. I think he'd just tell me to get out if he got tired of waiting. He keeps saying he'll wait."

"You are crazy," Maggie declared. "It sounds to me like you want him, and he's happy to give it to you."

_Yeah_, I almost yelled out loud.

"I'm not used to that," Bella responded. "No one's ever really wanted me. At least, never wanted me for _me_."

"Well, I'm telling you right now," Maggie told her, "that man wants you."

There was a pause in the conversation, and I figured I probably ought to make myself known. I was already feeling a bit low for listening in, so I reached behind me and closed the bathroom door with a bang before walking back out.

"Getting a lot of homework done?" I asked.

"I think we're probably done for today," Maggie said as she blushed again. She gathered up her laptop in a bag, and I wondered if Bella could fit one of those things inside the Luggage of Lucifer. I decided not only would the laptop fit, but probably the laptop bag as well.

They made plans to work on their project some more over the weekend before saying goodbye, and Bella turned back towards me. She looked down at the ground for a minute, then walked up and slowly put her arms around my neck and her cheek against my chest.

"You smell good," she told me.

I laughed.

"I thought I was supposed to say that to you."

She turned her head to look at me and just stood there for a minute and stared. I didn't want to interrupt her thoughts because I was kind of hoping she was thinking more about her talk with her friend.

She didn't say anything about it and was actually pretty damn quiet the rest of the day and into the evening. She made dinner, answered questions if I asked them of her, but didn't offer up any conversation. She just seemed to be deep in thought, so I didn't bug her about it.

At least when we crawled into bed she snuggled up close to me.

Bella's fingers traced little geometric shapes on my chest, but she didn't move her hand any lower, and I wasn't going to press. She'd gotten me off the night before, and I wasn't about to demand more or complain or anything. When she turned her head up to kiss me, though, I was ready for her.

I grabbed her by her waist and pulled her up until she was straddling my stomach, making sure she wasn't low enough to get a big ass boner in her backside. She leaned back down and kissed me, and I stroked my hands slowly up her sides. My thumbs touched the undersides of her breasts, and I ran them slowly over her, though the fabric of her T-shirt was in my way.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her back. Bella's hands twisted around in my hair again, and I started kissing down her neck to her shoulder. Though I didn't move her T-shirt out of the way or anything, I kissed down the front of her chest where her bra strap would be if she was wearing one.

Her hands were immediately on my chest, which I took as a signal to back away. Bella blushed, bit at her lip nervously, and crawled off of me.

I took in a long, slow breath and let it out again as Bella situated herself under the blankets.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you're so insecure about this?" I blurted out.

"I'm not," she said too quickly.

"Okay…" I mumbled. "How about, are you ever going to admit you're insecure about this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said with a completely unconvincing shrug.

"Bella, for Christ's sakes, you curl away from me like I'm going to bite you or something!"

I hadn't meant to yell, but the whole thing really was starting to piss me off. Bella cringed back a bit, and I grumbled out an apology as she continued to deny anything was wrong.

"Just tell me," I begged. "It can't be all that bad."

"It's nothing." Bella shrugged and turned away from me with a slight sniff.

Holy shit, I made her cry.

My fingers tightened around her elbow as I tried to get her to turn around and face me again.

"What?" I demanded. "What is it?"

"I just…I just don't understand you at all!" she suddenly snapped. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "You could have anyone you want – anyone! Why me?"

She sat up and pushed me away, and I just watched her, stunned. She moved to leave the bed, but then turned back, her eyes red.

"Why, Edward? What do you get out of it?"

"Get out of…? Bella, I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"No one wants me!" she screamed, and her hands balled into fists. "No one, _ever_! So why are you pretending to?"

I wasn't one to contradict a woman in bed, but this was a load of bullshit.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Oh dear...

What do you think Bella might reveal in the next chapter? Why did Edward enjoy teasing Maggie so much? Will the Luggage of Lucifer end up in the back of the plane with my poor, defenseless suitcase? The answers next week on the next episode of As the Purse Propagates! (OK - that was just stupid. You can ignore me.)

See you next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	17. Share the Stories

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Thank you DK for all the editing work, even the effort in fixing my emails to you...

So, Edward finally got a little! Poor guy has waited so long...

I said "long". Giggle-snort.

This chapter dedicated to all those suffering from the impact of Frankenstorm. Hope all are ok, and you have power back so you can read again!

**"Since the first day I met you, I wanted you."**

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Share the Stories**

I was half a second away from completely exploding in rage. Anyone talking about Bella like that made me want to boil live puppies, even if the words came from the woman herself. It was probably just the shock of the words that kept me from screaming back at her – I was just too flabbergasted by the accusation.

"I'm not pretending anything!" I finally said. "I've told you before that I want you here."

"Why?" she asked, her abrupt anger diminishing quickly. "Because it if really is just for the sex, I would at least understand. I mean, that's very…_male_ of you."

"Goddamnit!" I yelled, the anger overtaking me and no longer allowing me to hold back. "If I just wanted someone to fuck, there are dozens of women within a half mile who would make it a hell of a lot easier!"

I shoved myself off the bed as the tension in my arms caused my hands to start to shake. I grabbed a pack of cigarettes off the make-shift nightstand and fully intended to light up, not fucking caring if I was inside or not. It actually made me feel a little better to not open the window.

Of course, since I was already pissed off, I completely smashed the entire soft pack when I grabbed them. There were only four cigarettes left in there anyway, and I managed to crush the lot of them. The next time I was at the store, I was going to smack the guy who gave me a soft pack instead of a hard pack.

A long string of curses exited my mouth in a fire extinguisher sort of explosion. I further smashed the smokes, but it really wasn't very fulfilling. In the end, my fist put a hole through the wall above the bed, which made Bella squeal.

"Fuck," I muttered.

I ran my hand through my hair and tried to calm myself down. Bella wiped at her eyes and cheeks with the back of her hand, and I got pissed off at myself because I was too ticked off to comfort her yet. I turned and yanked open the window without a word, crawled out to the fire escape, and snatched the pack sitting next to Crazy Alice.

After a couple of minutes of slowly inhaling smoke and nicotine, I crawled back inside.

Bella had crawled back into the bed, and her eyes were wide and staring as she watched me come back in. Her hands were clasped on top of the blanket, resting on her stomach. As soon as I looked at her, she looked away.

"Tell me," I said, my voice insistent. I sat down on the edge of the bed and angled myself towards her. "Tell me why you think like this."

"Nothing…really…"

"Bella!" I snapped, the anger quickly returning. It was so easy to tell she was hiding something the way she wouldn't look me in the eye and kept trying to practically hide under the blanket. I reached out with my hand and grazed the top of her arm.

"Fine!" she snapped back suddenly. She sat up and pushed my arm away before turning towards the outside of the bed. She dangled one foot over the edge as she started to talk. "I know I can be a…a burden."

"A burden?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "My mom used that word a lot. She didn't really want a child, and she made it abundantly clear that I didn't live up to her expectations."

"I thought you lived with your dad," I said.

"That was later."

"Later? Weren't you six when he died?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "But I only lived with him for about a year before he was killed."

None of this shit was making sense to me, so I figured I ought to just let her say what she wanted to say, get it all out, and then ask questions later.

"Renee wasn't into parenting," Bella said.

"Renee is your mom's name?"

"Yeah," Bella said with a nod. "She was a lot more interested in going out with her friends, and I was just in the way because she was supposed to be taking care of me. I was kind of…left on my own a lot. Sometimes I'd wake up and she wouldn't have come home from the night before."

"Who watched you when she was gone?" I asked, totally forgetting my plan to ask questions later.

"No one," she shrugged.

"What do you mean _no one_?" I growled. "How old were you?"

"I was taken away when I was four."

"Taken away…ugh…_four_? Shit." I shook my head, sat up a little straighter in the bed, and looked over to her. "How about I shut up, and you just tell me all of it?"

"That's probably easier," she agreed. "I'll keep it short. Mom didn't want me, and as soon as I was old enough to go to the morning daycare the church down the street provided, she would drop me off there as much as possible. I think she was supposed to come in and help with all the kids sometimes as a co-op or something, but I don't think she ever did. Anyway, I woke up one day and she wasn't there. It wasn't so unusual, so I just made myself breakfast and-"

"You made yourself breakfast?" I interrupted. "A four year old?"

"I was hungry," she said, her voice small. "It was just cereal. The milk had gone bad."

My hands tightened into fists, and I wondered if I was ever going to get the chance to meet Bella's mother.

"She didn't come back," Bella continued. "It got dark, and I just kind of watched TV and looked for food in the kitchen. I remember I had to pull one of the chairs over to get in the cupboard up high where she kept the cereal. I had a hard time opening any of the canned stuff and cut my hand trying to do it with a knife."

My stomach churned as a little vision of a tiny little girl in a green dress – I had no idea where the green dress came from, it was just there in my head – sitting on the floor in the kitchen. There was a knife in one hand and a can of soup in the other. I shook my head to clear the thoughts.

"I didn't really know at the time, but I remember hearing later that they thought I had been alone for four days when the church called child protective services because they hadn't seen me. The police and a bunch of other people came, and I was scared so I hid under the bed. They still found me, though.

Bella looked over to me briefly before going on.

"I went into foster care," she said. "I'm not sure how long – a few months. I was moved around a few times. There were always other kids, and the foster parents…well, they never really seemed interested in having me around. I…I cried a lot. They didn't like me."

My teeth ground together, and I was glad she had moved to the other side of the bed, because if I had still been holding her, she might have been crushed by the tension in my arms. I was pretty sure there would be marks in my palms from my fingernails.

I kept quiet so she could continue.

"I had to go and talk to a judge," she said. "I remember that part because his big black robe scared me. I don't know if they were trying to get my mom to shape up and take care of me or what. They didn't tell me much of what was happening, but I overheard a lot. It was pretty clear she was refusing to take me back and told the courts to just keep me. Her sister – I can't remember her name – she said she didn't want to take care of me either."

Bella twisted her fingers around in her lap.

"I was in another foster home for a while, and then in a home with a bunch of kids – a group home, I guess. Modern day orphanage. There were kids there that got adopted, but…well, no one wanted me. I heard some of the workers there talking once, and they were saying how hard it was to get homes for the older kids. There was this other girl there, though, and she was older than me. I remember thinking at the time that since she was the oldest, I would find a home first."

She took a long, shuddering breath.

"That's not what happened, though," she said. "She was…she was so pretty. She had beautiful long blonde hair, and I was just…me. She was adopted, but I was still there."

My body tightened up as images of a little tiny Bella thinking she wasn't pretty enough to be adopted clambered around in my head.

"I don't know how long it was," she continued. "Maybe a few weeks? That's when this man showed up."

She smiled then, and her eyes glistened with tears.

"He was so tall," she remembered. "And he had this crazy mustache that made me laugh. He played with me for a while. Then the lady who I guess was my social worker or whatever – she came in and told me he was my dad, and that I was going to go home with him. Apparently he didn't even know he had a daughter before then, but my mom must have told the courts to contact him."

Tears fell over her lashes and down her face as she focused on me with a sad smile.

"It was the best time of my life," she told me. "I had this pretty room with a purple blanket on the bed, and the trees around the house were so huge, and my dad said he'd build a tree house in the summer. I would get up early in the morning so I could watch deer from the woods come out and eat the clover in the yard. The only thing I didn't like was that he wouldn't let me touch the stove."

She looked down at her hands, and I reached over to cover them with mine.

"He didn't want me to get hurt," she said quietly. "So he gave me a book on how to cook in the microwave and showed me how to use that instead. He said as soon as I was tall enough to reach the dials on the back of the stove, he'd teach me how to use it, too."

She took in a long breath and then blew it out slowly.

"It wasn't quite a year when he died," she said. "I went back into the system in Washington, which was much the same as Phoenix had been. They tried to reach my mom and my aunt again, but my mom signed over her parental rights or whatever. My father had an elderly aunt and uncle, but they were in failing health and unable to take me, either. I was in foster care for a few weeks, and then Billy came and told me he had it all worked out. I was going to come and live on the reservation."

Underneath my palm, I felt her hands begin to shake.

"No one else wanted me," she whispered. "No one. I thought they wanted me – really wanted me. But as I got older I realized it was more about the tribe than me, and what I wanted or needed wasn't important. They didn't really want me, either, but at least they were willing to put up with me."

"I knew that douche bag was a fucking idiot," I mumbled.

"No one ever _really_ wanted me," she seemed to decide.

Her voice cracked and tears began to cascade down her face as she turned to me again. I wasn't sure if it was her expression or my own thoughts about what she had told me, but she looked very young.

"Why not?" she whispered. "What's wrong me with?"

I moved quickly, gathering her up in my arms as sudden, wailing sobs shook her body.

Panic tried to set in on me as she started practically screaming with each cry. Her whole body quaked as she collapsed against me – her cries making it sound like someone just chopped off a major limb. I attempted to calm myself as much as possible as I pulled her against me.

I didn't know what to do. I wasn't much better prepared than when she had thrown herself at me – sobbing at that time, too – when Jacob had first shown up at her apartment last summer. With nothing else popping into my brain as a magic answer, I just held her and spoke the only words found in my mind.

"I want you," I said into her ear. "Since the first day I met you, I wanted you."

She clung to me, her crying echoing throughout the room as I just keep repeating that I wanted her. My arms wrapped around her tightly as I held her body against mine, and I tried to make sense of it all.

My parents had thrown me out, but not without reason. I had gone against their wishes fully understanding the consequences of my own actions. What had happened to Bella was completely different. How could a parent do that to a kid? How could anyone look at a little kid and decide they just didn't want them, even if they weren't obligated to take care of them? Didn't they know there were some people who got denied parenthood all together?

The pangs of regret that curled into my stomach were ones I hadn't felt in a long, long time.

"I want you," I said again into her hair, fighting back the sting in my own eyes as she continued to quiver and quake in my grasp.

"Why?" she cried. "I don't understand…it doesn't make sense."

I lifted her up and turned her in my lap so she was facing me. I grabbed both sides of her face in my hands and forced her to look at me.

"I want you," I told her as I stared into her eyes. "I want you here because you're smart and you always think of other people before yourself. I want you because you are the kind of person who feels obligated to pay me back for shit you don't really owe me. I want you because you are willing to take a psycho grocery shopping to make sure she has good food to eat. I want you because you don't mind laundry, and you're an awesome cook, and you put up with me being a slob."

My thumbs brushed over her cheeks and wiped away the tears there.

"I want you because you are beautiful," I told her. "Inside and out. You're putting yourself through school and trying to do something with your life. Everything about you is admirable, and I don't even deserve to be in your company."

She tried to shake her head, but I held her still.

"I've spent a long time not feeling anything because all I felt was…_bad_. I was only happy when I was fighting, but you…"

I tightened my grip on her a little and brought my forehead to touch hers.

"You changed all of that," I told her. "For the first time in a decade, I have a reason to be outside the cage."

…

"You haven't told me how all of this related to sex, you know."

Bella dropped her head to my shoulder and sniffed again. There was a half roll of toilet paper beside the bed, which she had been using as Kleenex, and bits of white fluff practically covering the room.

"Well, I told you about that before," she mumbled.

I could have guessed the rest, but I kept prodding her.

"When it…didn't really work out…" Bella trailed off, and then sighed deeply. "Jacob started yelling at me. He said it was no wonder…no wonder no one…"

I shouldn't have pushed. I ended up holding her on my lap as she cried again.

"He just…kept saying…it was because there was…something wrong with me!" she sobbed. "He said I was going to be a…a terrible…a terrible wife…and no one…would ever…want me…"

She took a long, shuddering breath.

"And I knew he was right!" she exclaimed. "My own mother didn't want me, so why would anyone else?"

I wanted to go back to that fucker's house and beat the shit out of him so bad, I couldn't even see straight. He didn't even qualify as a douche bag anymore. I didn't know what the fuck he was, but I definitely considered a couple dozen ways to make him fit into a douche bag as I held Bella and continued to tell her that I wanted her.

It was like he had intentionally played on her worst fears of rejection, and for what? Did it make him feel better to blame it on her because she wasn't turned on? Did he get off on it? Did he do it just to make her stay there? Did he really not know what he was doing, or was he just an ass?

Maybe option '_D'_ – all of the above.

"They never let you forget it, did they?" I asked her when she calmed down again.

"Who?"

Bella had finally stopped shaking. I wasn't even sure what time it was anymore, only that it was late, even for us. She was laying across my chest at this point, apparently deep in thought or memory or something. All I could see in my head was the image of a little girl with tears in her eyes while her own mother walked away from her.

If I ever met Renee Swan, I was probably going to kill her. At the very least, I was going to dress her up as a light heavyweight and toss her in the cage. Of course, as much as I wanted to have a quick and easy target to blame all this shit on, I knew there were other culprits as well.

"Those fuckers at the res," I said. "The Blacks. They just reminded you of that shit all the time, didn't they?"

"They're the ones who were willing to-"

"Bullshit!" I yelled. She jumped a little in my arms, and I held her closer. "That shit Jacob was spewing at you wasn't anything you should feel _grateful_ for!"

"No one else would," she whispered. "How else am I supposed to feel?"

"Like those fuckers did you wrong," I replied instantly. "They could have told you none of that shit was your fault, like they should have done in the first place. But no – they let it all fester to make sure you stuck around. Fuckers."

"Your parents threw you out, too," she said. "From what little you have told me, anyway. At least Billy let me stay."

"Totally different," I said.

"You going to tell me how so?"

I hesitated. I didn't want to go into any of this shit with her. I didn't want her to know about it, think about it, or ask me about it. If she did, I'd have to remember everything, too.

"You aren't, are you?" she said as she sat up a little to look at me. "You don't ever plan on telling me anything about yourself, do you?"

"I've told you some shit."

"You told me about a time period that lasted less than twelve months," she spat back.

"You don't want to hear it," I muttered. "None of it matters now anyway."

"There you go," she said as she rolled off my chest and sat up a little against the pillows to look at me. "Letting me know what's best for me. You realize that's the main reason I left La Push, right?"

I glared at her – not because she was wrong, but because she was right and I didn't want to admit it. There were things I hadn't told her that I probably could, and it would ease her curiosity without actually saying too much. I took a long breath through my nose, opened my mouth to say something, but then hesitated again.

"What was it?" Bella prompted. "The perils of being filthy rich?"

"It's probably not what you think," I said quietly. I considered the house where I grew up. "Filthy rich is about right, though."

"What was it like?" she asked. She sniffed loudly, rubbed at her nose, and adjusted her position across me.

At the very least, she deserved to hear something to take her mind of the shit she had been reliving, so I told her what I could.

"The house where I grew up would probably be better described as an estate…maybe a palace," I snorted. "I don't know how many acres of land – a couple hundred, I guess. The house has twelve bedrooms in the family wing – not sure about the other side, but probably similar."

"Twelve?" Bella repeated with incredulity. "Did I hear you right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "There is a theatre in the house to watch movies, an indoor Olympic sized pool on the ground level, and another pool outside. You can actually swim from one to the other. There are probably a hundred people employed just taking care of the house and grounds. Outside there is one of those big mazes made out of hedges. You have to go through the maze to get to the stables."

"Stables?"

"My parents have a bunch of horses, yeah."

"You know how to ride horses?"

"English and western style, yes." I eyed her for a minute as she seemed to take this information in. At the same time, memories came back me in quick flashes, followed by floods of events that were once common, but were now long forgotten – the pony I rode when I was just learning, getting lost in the maze and crying until Mom found me, and the way the vapor would form at the surface of the outdoor heated pool when it was cold outside.

Bella's eyes locked with mine as she waited for me to continue.

"Dad worked a lot," I said. "His phone rang most every day when he was home, but he always had it turned off between six and eight in the evening because that was family time."

Not surprisingly, Bella's eyes widened and she even moved away a bit in disbelief as I kept talking.

"When I was growing up, those hours were off limits to anything else," I told her. "Dad said if we couldn't take two hours out of every day to spend together, that nothing he worked for mattered. He meant it, too."

I could see the confusion in her eyes.

"Not what you thought, huh?" I gave her a wry smile.

"Not at all," she admitted. "I mean, you never talk about them at all. I guess I assumed…"

"I know," I said with a nod. "I guess given where I am today, that would be a logical conclusion, but it wasn't like that. Aside from our daily family time, Mom and I did a lot of things on a regular schedule, especially when I was young. Thursday nights were always movie nights with popcorn and whatever. The best nights were Tuesdays, though."

"What was on Tuesdays?"

"Game night," I said as a smile crossed my face. "There was a game room off the theatre with a pool table and a jukebox. There was another big table for board games and card games."

"What did you play?"

"Lots of different things," I said. "Parcheesi, Cribbage, Mastermind…"

"Mastermind?" Bella giggled. "You mean the one with the different colored marbles?"

"Yep," I replied. "That was one of my favorites. The best ones were Backgammon and Chess, though. Dad liked Backgammon the most, but Mom and I loved Chess. She was awesome at it, too. I was sixteen the first time I ever beat her at a game."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and we started playing when I was five!" I laughed, remembering how Mom would play with nothing but her king, two rooks, and a pawn. I would still lose every time.

"It sounds really…nice…" She let her voice trail off, but I knew what she was thinking.

"They were good parents," I said. "At least, during my childhood. They could be a little stuffy, and they dragged me to a shitload of boring ass parties when I was a kid. Sometimes they pissed me off, but for the most part they were good parents, ya know?"

"Not really," she said quietly. "But I think I know what you are saying. So, was it the drugs and whatever that made you leave?"

"No," I said. "Those came later."

It would have been so much easier to lie to her. If I had just said yes to her simple question, then we could just blame everything on the drugs and forget the rest.

Definitely easier.

"My father and I…"

I couldn't continue. Somewhere between my mind and my tongue the words were lost. I couldn't even picture the scenes in my head. A thousand metaphorical walls rising a thousand metaphorical feet into the air surrounded the memories of that time.

As it should be.

"We argued," I finally said.

"Often?" Bella asked for clarification.

"Towards the end, I guess," I said. "It was very important to him that I go into the family business, and I thought there were other things in life that were more important. He didn't care for my…_choices_. Eventually it blew up, and I walked out."

"He didn't want you to fight," Bella surmised.

I didn't correct her. My teeth clenched together as a little skirmish inside my head broke out, and each side tried to rationalize whether or not the lack of correction on my part constituted a lie. Technically, the statement was true – though he was supportive of the high school wrestling and martial arts as a hobby, he didn't want me to continue fighting in college. He had expected me to focus on academics.

"I decided I was going to do what I thought was the right thing," I finally said – neither confirming nor denying her assumption. "He said if I didn't do what he wanted, I was going to be cut off, so I started to leave. He said if I left I couldn't come back, so I haven't."

"And this was when you were seventeen?" Bella said.

"Yeah."

"Ten years ago?"

"Yeah."

"And you haven't spoken to either of them since then?"

"I have not."

"Edward," she said in her _it's time to chastise me for saying something stupid_ voice, "you have really completely avoided your parents for that long based on one argument?"

"It wasn't just a simple argument," I said, though my throat tightened up as I had to fight to hold up the walls. "Just leave it at that."

"What did you fight about?" she asked.

"It doesn't matter."

"Then why don't you contact them?"

"I'm not going to do that."

"Then what you fought about did matter," she surmised.

"It doesn't matter," I said again.

"Then tell me why you fought!" she demanded once more.

"No!"

Whatever was inside of me holding my shit together collapsed.

"Stop fucking asking me!" I screamed at her as I pushed myself out of the bed and marched to the closet. I grabbed my tennis shoes and pulled them on without bothering to tie up the laces. I left the room without another word, ignoring Bella's calls after me. Even when I grabbed my jacket and walked out of the front door, I ignored her calling my name.

Thoughts of the movie _Fight Club_ went through my head, and I wondered if I could actually hit myself like the guy in that movie did in from of his boss as I took off down the street. I didn't have any destination in mind – I just ran. It wasn't long before I was exhausted though – the late hour and the cold contributing to my fatigue. I slowed to a walk and then dropped myself down on a bench by the bus stop.

"Hey baby." Some whore in six in heels slid up to me and tried to sit on my lap. "Having a bad night? I can make it all better."

"Fuck off," I muttered and tried not to give the idea any serious thought. I'd never paid for sex, but that was only because I didn't have the money. It wasn't like I was above it or anything. Still, a hooker was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

She got the idea, pouted, then strutted off down the street.

All this shit was coming into my head – memories I wanted nothing to do with – and there was nothing I seemed to be able to do to stop them. The look on my father's face when I told him _the news_ and his immediate response to the same came first. Then there were Mom's tears and looks of disappointment, followed by my departure from the house, following arguments, and eventually…

"No!" I shouted into the darkness. My hands gripped into fists, and I pounded one of them against the wooden bench. A sharp pain echoed through my knuckles and up my arm, giving me something good to focus my attentions.

I rubbed at the knuckles and reveled in the pain.

I slammed my other hand into the bench, too, and then leaned back to stare up at the polluted sky. Vague sounds found my ears – a car horn, people yelling at each other from across the street, the air brakes of a bus, and the hooker coming on to the next poor bastard she ran into as I just sat there and forced my mind to empty.

When I finally sat up again, I ended up with a bit of a head rush. I fished a cigarette out, and then blew a long puff of smoke into the air. Slowly, I allowed more recent memories back into my consciousness. Bella's hand on me, the feel of her between my legs on the motorcycle, and the taste of her lips the first time I kissed her.

Shit.

My heart went cold when I realized what I had just done – I'd run out on her again.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before I stood and started to walk back to the apartment, feeling like a total shit. I had promised her I wouldn't run out on her again, and yet here I was, wandering the streets in the middle of the night because I couldn't deal with shit.

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes as I stood on the other side of the apartment door, wondering what the fuck I could say to her at this point. Standing there didn't seem to be helping me come up with anything, so I twisted the knob and went inside.

She was still in bed, sitting against the pillows with most of the rest of the roll of toilet paper in crumples little blobs around her. Her eyes met mine, and I knew she wanted to yell and scream at me, but she just broke down instead.

"Why don't you trust me?" she cried as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I do," I replied. I gripped her tightly and felt my own body starting to shake with hers.

She dropped the bit of tissue in her hand and grabbed on to me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered against the skin of her neck. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't. I can't talk about that shit. I can't. I won't."

"I don't understand," she replied softly. "I just want to understand."

"Please don't ask anymore," I begged as I pulled her against me. "Please don't ask."

My hold on her tightened, and I felt her arms grip me tighter as well. I tried to force myself to only think of how she smelled and how it felt to be so close to her. I didn't want to think about everything that had happened before, about my father's reaction, or how it led to the circumstances which nearly destroyed me.

As much as I tried not to remember, I couldn't stop the nightmares that night.

_Still angry at her refusal to tell anyone else what is going on, I stomp up the steps and call out her name. There is no answer. Inside the tiny house, there is still no sound. I know she's here, and a dark feeling overtakes me as I move into the hallway and head towards the bathroom._

_The door is locked._

_I pound until my fists are bruised._

_She doesn't answer._

_I kick in the door, and the smell of blood nearly makes me vomit._

"Edward? Edward!"

"Fuck…no…no…fuck…no…"

I knew I had been dreaming. I knew I was awake now and in the present with Bella's hands gripping my arms and her voice in my ears. Still, I couldn't stop the images in my head. All I could do was collapse against her.

…

The nightmares continued for several days. Each time I woke up screaming, and Bella held me in her arms until I fell back asleep again. I was exhausted and nearly lost my next fight, which seemed to snap me out of it.

She never asked what the dreams were about.

I slopped a bit more drywall paste on the wall and tried to even out the edges around the repaired hole, which may or may not have resembled the size of my fist. Leaning back a bit, I admired my handiwork, which wasn't great, but it would at least keep the landlord from birthing a litter of kittens on the floor if he happened to see it.

There were a couple pieces of sandpaper near my feet, but the smell from the kitchen convinced me to save it for later. When I came out of the bedroom, Bella was humming and scooping something spicy smelling from the stove onto plates. I still got hard every time I saw her cooking in the kitchen, and this evening was no different.

I snuck up behind her and kissed the side of her neck, making her smile. She set everything on the table but didn't really say much while we ate. The food was far too good for me to worry about conversation, but I knew something was up as soon as she finally did speak.

"Um…Edward?"

"Yeah?" I polished off the last of the Cajun rice and beans and leaned back in my chair.

"You still have that money, right? The money from my last check?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I was going to put it towards rent. Since the smack down night was a bust on Tuesday, we're a little short."

"Could we…um…could we spare fifty dollars?"

I eyed her, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Other than for grocery shopping and once for books, Bella never asked for money for anything, and fifty was a lot more than we could really _spare_. Besides, I had just said we were short.

"Not really," I said. "I mean, I have it now, and I could probably make rent without it, but something else would have to give. Do I want to know why?"

Bella turned the same color as a tomato, and I had to press a bit more to get her to tell me. She shoved her hand up inside Pooh's Honey Pouch and fumbled around for a day and a half while images of the purse over her head with honey dripping around her face popped into my brain. Eventually she found and pulled out a piece of paper.

"I went to the um…the health center on campus," she said, still pink and not meeting my eyes. "I thought it would be…you know…a good idea."

"A good idea for what?" I asked, thoroughly confused. "Are you sick?"

"I feel fine," she said quickly. "It's just…I was talking to Leah about us…you know."

"Okay…" I let my voice trail off, wondering just what the fuck she was taking about and why she was being so obtuse. I knew she and Leah had talked on the phone a couple of times, but I didn't know about what. I figured it had been more about her and Brady's constant fucking. "So?"

"So…" She paused and took a deep breath. She turned her head so she was looking out the window. "I figure it's only a matter of time…and I did a little cost comparison…"

She continued to look out the window and fiddle with her fingers until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella, what the hell are you talking about?"

She glanced back at me, and then looked down to the ground.

"Birth control," she said quietly. "The exam is thirty dollars, and it's five dollars a month for the pills. That would last me the rest of the semester, which is a lot cheaper than condoms."

I was never one to shock easily, but I was pretty sure my jaw hit the coffee table.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Oh...um...that would be good...um...yeah... you do that!

A bit more info about both of them...so is Edward still justified in avoiding his family? Drop me a review and let me know what you think!

More next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	18. Savor the Moment

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

It's time for the weekend again! Let's start it off with Friday Fight Night!

Thanks to DK for beta reading, and special thanks to our special "guest question writer" Salix Caprea, who wrote the questions for the Caged reading group this week. Definitely stop by there (link on my profile) and check it out!

**"Hush," I told her. "Shut your mouth and just feel this."**

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Savor the Moment**

"You…um…you…"

I couldn't get a coherent sentence out. It just wasn't going to happen.

"Well," Bella said shyly, "I figured it was inevitable, and it was probably a good idea to go ahead and get…um…_protected_ beforehand, right?"

"Um…yeah…sure…right…" I babbled.

The only word I heard was _inevitable_.

How many minutes in an inevitable?

I handed her my wallet.

…

The distinctive click of the little round plastic case had become a morning staple over the last few weeks. I couldn't help but know exactly how many days Bella had been taking The Pill. I also knew she was already past the safe zone and that the time was near. Every time I heard that sound, my dick enlarged to the point where it might not have fit inside King Kong's Caddy.

I felt like _The Count_ from Sesame Street – _"Four! Four days before you can have sex! Ha! Ha! Ha!"_

Though we hadn't come right out and said it, we both knew Saturday was the night – the night we would have our first actual date. Thankfully Challenge Night at _Feet First_ had been full of drunken frat boys and I brought home a decent amount of extra cash so I could take her some place nice.

"So where are you going on your date?" Tanya asked.

"Aladdin's," I informed her as I pulled myself up and looked over the bar before lowering slowly back down again.

I fucking hated chin ups.

"One hand," Tanya dictated. I groaned and dropped my left hand to my side before pulling myself up with the right only. "What's Aladdin's?"

"It's a little Mediterranean place over on the east side," I told her. "My family used to go there sometimes. It's good food, classy atmosphere, but not too pricy, ya know?"

"You got the cash for it?"

"Yeah – I've saved a bit," I told her as I switched arms with a grunt.

"How you gonna get there?"

"Bus to Twentieth," I said. "Then the subway over to the east side mall. It's not too far from there – just a few blocks."

"You know how to show a lady a good time," Tanya snorted.

"Nice." I glared at her as I dropped from the bar and landed on the mat. "It's the best I can do."

"Nah," she said. "You can do a little better. Take my car."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?" she shrugged. "I mean, you know if anything happens to it I'm going to kick your ass. I figure it's pretty safe. You can just drive me home after the fight Friday. I don't have anything going on for the weekend, so you can bring it back Sunday. How's that work?"

"Fucking awesome," I replied. "Thanks!"

The rest of the week went by as slowly as a high school senior's last day of school. Friday night, I could hardly contain myself with thoughts of our first real date and what would hopefully transpire afterwards. I whooped in triumph before I had even entered the cage, climbed half way up to scream at the crowd, and then dropped down in the face of my opponent. His bright blue eyes went wide as Tanya snapped my trunks while leaving the cage, laughing loudly.

I reach down, adjusted my trunks while grinning manically, and then jumped forward to pounce on him. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him down to the bare floor. My knee struck into his ribs three times before I let him go, jumped back, and spun around to kick his face before he could stand again.

My heart beat wildly, and I could feel the slender trickle of sweat rolling down my back as I went for him again. His fist slammed into the side of my face, then the top of my shoulder as he rushed me and slammed my back into the chain links. The crowd screamed, but I couldn't tell if they were screaming for or against me.

It didn't matter.

A punch to his throat sent him reeling back. Rookie move, to leave his neck unprotected. He fell to his back, and I was on top of him, alternating fists into his face even after he tapped out.

I was still laughing as Tanya pulled me off him and out of the cage.

"Fucking brutal!" Paul laughed as he slapped my back with his palm.

I was just glad the idiot still bleeding on the floor of the cage hadn't touched my lips. I needed them in good working order tomorrow.

Jasper was insistent about me hanging around until closing time, and by the time I got out of there, took Tanya home, and then parked the car in the lot next to the apartment, it was really late. I still hauled Bella out to see our ride, though.

I kept her going for about five minutes thinking I had actually bought a car, but then she saw a shopping bag in the back that happened to contain women's underwear, so I had to admit it was Tanya's. Then she didn't believe me at first, and I had to show her the damn registration with Tanya's name on it.

Still, the whole thing made her smile, which was all I really cared about.

I made sure the car was unlocked and that Tanya's package was stowed inside the house. If someone was going to break in, it was best they didn't have to bust a window to do it. With nothing obvious inside, they'd just move on to the next car, anyway.

I could hardly sleep that night. Bella was half asleep when I got home, so I didn't try to convince her to stay up for a little action on the couch. We just went to bed, where I held her with a smile on my face and welcomed nervous anxiety in my chest.

_One! One day until I can have sex! Ha! Ha! Ha!_

…

The vision that came out of the bedroom sucked the air from my lungs.

I wasn't sure if it was a sweater or a dress, but the way her outfit clung to her from top to bottom – completely hiding everything but her long legs, was about the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. When she spun around in a circle, I could see the lower neckline in the back, which made it all the more enticing. The dress was dark blue and trimmed with silver around the high front neckline and Bella's wrists.

I was pretty sure I could get it all off in one motion, too.

Her hair was partially pinned up and hanging around her face in large rings, and she had a lot more make up on than she usually wore, which accentuated her deep brown eyes and perfect, pouting mouth.

Maggie came out from behind Bella, smiling and blushing at me as she watched my reaction to her handiwork. The chick still couldn't look me in the eye, but I didn't feel much like teasing her at the moment.

"Well?" Bella said softly when I still hadn't managed to utter a word. "What do you think?"

"I think you're fucking gorgeous," I replied instantly. "The clothes are nice, too."

She giggled and blushed, and I reached out to take her hand in mine. I kissed the back of her knuckles.

"You chariot awaits!" I informed her, which earned me more giggling.

"I'll just get myself the hell out of here," Maggie said. She smiled broadly towards Bella, gave her a little wave, and then disappeared out the door.

The giggling ought to have annoyed me, but it didn't. Her whole face lit up when she smiled and laughed, and I'd do most anything to get that look on her face.

It had been so damn long since I actually drove a car, I had a pretty difficult time parallel parking. The car was still partially sticking out – one tire a good two feet from the curb, while the other one was about a quarter inch away – when I gave up and just left it that way.

Bella held her giggles in, but her eyes still shined bright. I tried to glare at her, but it didn't work.

"I think I'm a little out of practice," I said.

"How long has it been since you were behind the wheel of a car?" Bella asked.

"Um…quite a while." In fact, the last car driven by me was my Aston Martin, which I had sold for fifty grand in cash over nine years ago. I blew through the money in about four months, mostly on dope.

"I've never eaten Mediterranean food," Bella admitted as we walked through the doors.

Aladdin's was a small place in a strip mall, had about twenty tables in it, and was hardly ever crowded. I was never quite sure how they managed to keep the doors open, but they had been in the same spot forever. Though I hadn't been there since high school, the place hadn't changed much. The décor was dark red and gold and there were candles and little vases filled with plastic roses in the middle of each table. There was a huge case right when you walked in full of incredible looking cakes.

"You'll want to save room for dessert," I informed Bella as she eyed the chocolate. "They have the best cake in the world here."

We were sat in a table near the back where it was quiet and cozy. I helped Bella figure out the items on the menu, and we ended up sharing a plate of falafel, pitas, stuffed grape leaves, and baba ganoush. Bella didn't like the grape leaves, claiming they had too much vinegar or something, so I ended up with all of them. She loved the falafel, though, and thought she might even have a recipe for it in one of the books she had checked out from the library.

"Is this what you ordered when you came here with your family?" Bella asked.

"Not usually," I replied. "I liked stuff with lamb in it."

"You weren't a vegetarian then?"

"No, not until later."

"So when did you become a vegetarian?" she asked. "And why?"

I glanced up at her darkly. The last thing I wanted to do this evening was hash up any crap.

"Why did you nearly go through with marrying that douche bag on the reservation?"

Bella's eyes cooled a bit.

"So, no serious talk tonight?" she finally said with a wry smile as she caught on.

"I think that would be good," I responded. "Besides, it's time to order dessert. You don't want anything to interfere with that!"

The server brought over the list of the day's desserts, and we settled on one giant piece of cappuccino cake with chocolate and caramel drizzled all over it, along with two forks. Bella moaned when she bit into it, and the sound circled around my dick and gave the moody little bastard a tug.

Unable to help myself, I carved a bit off with my own fork and then held it out to Bella. Her eyes stayed locked with mine, peering up at me through her lashes, as she slowly took the bite into her mouth and hummed again.

"This is incredible," she said.

I couldn't have agreed more, and I hadn't even tasted it. Bella was determined to rectify that fact and fed me a bite from her own fork. The chocolate was creamy, and the deep taste of coffee and caramel just made the whole thing nothing short of decadent.

As she leaned towards me, I could see through the outline of Bella's form-fitting dress that there weren't any bra lines.

Yeah…decadent.

Or is that depraved?

We continued on, feeding each other bites and ignoring everyone around us. We didn't speak, just tasted – the silence only broken when Bella groaned at the taste of every bite. As the cake disappeared, Bella ended up with a bit of it on the side of her face, which I had reach out and wiped from the side of her mouth. As I did, she turned towards my hand and licked the chocolate off my finger.

"Holy shit," a deep voice called out. "Edward? Is that you?"

The familiar voice made me tighten up a little, and a whole stampede of emotions went through me – first and foremost, annoyance. I should have realized it was a possibility, and maybe I had in the back of my head somewhere and didn't want to admit it.

"Hey, Emmett," I replied as my cousin walked up to our table. His arm was around the waist of a voluptuous blonde in a silver dress and ridiculously high strappy heels. She tossed her hair over her shoulder as she looked down at me.

"Edward," she said simply.

"Rosalie," I replied with about the same tone.

"Damn, bro," Emmett said. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

Emmett snorted.

"Aro said he saw you," Emmett said. "He said something about…ah…"

His hand moved around in little circles for no discernible reason. His eyes bounced around on his face, going from me, to Bella, back to me, over the Rosalie, back to Bella…

I sighed. I wasn't sure if Emmett was trying to be subtle or if he was just wondering if this was the same girl Aro had mentioned or what, but his dancing around the fact that Bella was sitting at the same table got old fast.

"Bella, this is my cousin Emmett," I told her, "and his fiancée Rosalie."

"Hi," Bella said as she looked up at my cousin with big eyes. The dude made me look small.

"Emmett and Rosalie, meet my girlfriend Bella."

"We've already met," Rosalie said matter-of-factly.

I glanced at Bella as she squinted at Rose to get a better look. Her head tilted to one side while Rosalie just watched and waited.

"I don't recall…" her voice trailed off as her eyes got wide.

Rosalie smirked.

"I do remember you," Bella said.

Rose just nodded as she turned to Emmett.

"Bella and I were in the same group home together," she announced. "Right before I was adopted by the Hales."

"No shit?" I said. My eyes focused on Bella for a moment as I tried to understand her expression.

"Damn small world, huh?" Emmett remarked.

Neither one of them seemed to care to elaborate. I thought about some of the stuff Bella had said about her time there and wondered if she had mentioned Rosalie before, but she hadn't talked too much about the other kids there.

When the silence got to be too long for him to handle, Emmett piped up again.

"So…you're coming, right?"

"To what?" I asked. As if I didn't know.

Emmett tilted his head and raised one of his bushy brows at me.

"The wedding, asshole."

"Wasn't planning on it."

"Told you," Rosalie said. "I bet he threw the invitation away."

I had, but I wasn't about to tell her she was right. I was half tempted to change my mind just because they obviously had a bet going on and I didn't want her to win. I could be pithy that way.

"Come on, Ed," Emmett said. "It's a good opportunity."

I wasn't going to ask him what kind of opportunity. There were dozens of answers, and I wouldn't like any of them.

"I don't have a tux."

"I have your tux," Emmett tossed back.

"Won't fit," I said. "I'm a lot bigger than I was then."

"He's too stubborn," Rosalie said. "He's going to continue to be an ass, and a brat, and not-"

I was about to start calling my cousin's girl a variety of names, but someone else beat me to the punch, so to speak.

"Don't you talk to him that way!" Bella snapped as she stood up and tilted her head up to look at Rosalie. She was easily six inches shorter than Rose and wasn't wearing three inch heels, either, but that wasn't about to stop her. Her face darkened, and her eyes flamed. "I will not put up with that!"

"Aren't we the feisty one?" Rosalie remarked.

For some reason, this was nothing like the verbal sparring Bella and Tanya had done in the past, and I didn't find the scene the least bit amusing or comfortable. Emmett stepped a little closer and put his arm around Rosalie's waist to hold her against him, and I stood to move between the two women.

"Rose, give it a rest," Emmett said softly.

She shrugged him off.

"Well, you certainly found your voice," Rosalie remarked. "But I wonder just how much you know!"

Bella glared, and I could see her shoulders rising and falling with her breaths.

"You know why he doesn't want to go?" Rosalie snapped at Bella.

"Shut up," I growled at her.

"How about I explain what his mother went through-"

"I said, shut up!" I yelled.

People at other tables were looking at us at this point. I pulled Bella a little closer to me and moved between her and Rosalie. I could tell by the look in the blonde's eyes that she had no intention of letting this go and would probably tell Bella and the world everything if I didn't do something drastic.

"I'll fucking go, all right?"

"Great!" Rosalie's face lit up in a bright smile. "I'll put you down with a guest."

Emmett gave me a reproachful look and a shrug. He never did have any control over her, and I suppose that was one of the reasons he liked her.

Bella looked up at me with a confused expression as Rosalie continued to babble.

"It's definitely going to be the talk of…well, everyone! There are eight hundred guests, and the reception will be at Eclipse, and you just wouldn't believe some of the names who are going to be in attendance…"

"You're insane," I mouthed at Emmett. He just shrugged again as he pulled Rose a little closer.

"Come on, babe," he said. "Let's leave them to it."

"See you there!" Rosalie waved with her fingers as Emmett dragged her out the door of the restaurant.

I closed my eyes for a moment to refocus myself. I couldn't believe what I had just agreed to do.

"Fuck a duck," I muttered.

Bella huffed.

"That was…interesting," Bella said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." I sat back in my chair and sighed. "Rosalie and I have never completely gotten along. I thought she was a gold-digger from day one, and I still think she is. Dad warned me off of chicks like that from the time I stopped thinking girls had cooties. Emmett didn't grow up with money, and I don't think Aro ever taught him to look for the signs."

I took her hand and moved her back towards her chair before I sat down again.

"So…you know Rosalie, huh?" I said as Bella relaxed back into her seat and got herself back together.

"I wouldn't say that," she replied. "I mean, we're talking about fifteen years ago, for starters. We were kids."

"She was the older one, right?" I asked, remembering some of the details of Bella's time at the group home. "The one you thought wouldn't get adopted before you."

Bella nodded. She poked at the frosting from the cake with the tines of the fork and then set it off to the side without taking another bite. We sat in silence for a couple more minutes until the server dropped off the bill.

"Can I get you anything else?" she asked with a smile.

I declined, and Bella didn't seem to have anything to add. I took the last gulp of my drink and played around with the straw for a minute.

"Ready to go?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah," she said.

I paid the bill and took her hand as we walked back to the car.

The mood had changed, and I wasn't happy about it at all. Bella seemed lost in her own thoughts, and I was just dreading the whole wedding thing now. It was going to be ridiculous, if I knew Rose at all, and swimming with all the high society this city could muster. I also didn't have the slightest idea what Bella would find to wear, but I wasn't going to ask and add to the anxiety.

Then I thought of the perfect idea to change the tone and quickly took the next exit going back up north.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked.

"I thought we'd go check out the river."

I drove to the North Side the long way, making sure I kept my distance from anywhere I might have been seen or even recognized. As I moved further away from town, the only people around the area were my family and people employed by them. Maybe they wouldn't have recognized me, anyway, but the strange car in the area would arouse suspicion.

Turning onto a dirt road, I hoped Tanya's Civic was up for the challenge. We bounced and bumped for a half mile, and the sky was starting to darken as I parked at the end of the road in a gravel lot.

"This way," I said. I took Bella's hand as she got out of the car and led her down the familiar path to the water. Part way there, another path headed off towards the east, and I couldn't help but glance in that direction as we continued on. Once we got to the river's edge, Bella gasped.

"It's beautiful!" she said as she looked out over the water. The sun was dipping down below the horizon and covering the rippled water with bright reds and oranges.

"The best view is over here," I told her as I tugged at her hand. I took her over to the base of a large Hedge Apple tree and quickly lifted her into the space between its split trunks.

"Are you serious?" Bella asked as she looked over her shoulder.

"Go that way," I pointed up one of the sides of the trunk. "Just about six feet – it's easy to sit there, and the branch above you is good to hang on."

Bella shook her head but followed my instructions. I climbed up after her and settled on the branch beside her, and we both looked out over the slowly moving water.

"I used to come here all the time," I said softly. "It's always been one of my favorite places."

I pointed out a place below us where the water from the river escaped from the bank for a few feet and then trickled back into the main flow.

"I used to bring plastic boats and float them around there."

"How far is this from your parent's house?" Bella asked.

Far too intuitive.

"It's just up a little ways," I said as I nodded towards to east. "I think technically this is part of their land, though it would be the far edge. Not sure. The house is just a few minutes' walk down that trail we passed."

I shifted a little on the branch to move myself close enough to touch her and still grip the branch above me. My free arm circled her waist as we both looked out over the water. I glanced at her repeatedly, watching her face glow in the sun's falling rays. I felt a smile creep over my face as I looked down below us and saw a ring of toadstools under the trees.

"When I was a kid, I thought this place was magic," I said with a laugh. "I thought faeries lived here."

She laughed with me as I pointed out the ring and told her about faerie circles.

"I was always afraid to touch them because they might come and get me."

"Did your friends play here, too?" Bella asked.

"I didn't have too many," I said, shrugging. "I don't have any siblings, and there isn't exactly a neighborhood around here. It was mostly just me. Sometimes the staff would bring their kids around and I would play with them, but mostly it was just me. That is, until Emmett came around, but we were too old to play games like that when he came into the family."

"How old were you then?"

"Thirteen," I said. "Emmett's a year older than me. Aro is my dad's younger brother, and Emmett's mom is a lot older than him. He doesn't really remember his real father much."

"What happened to him?"

"Heart attack," I said simply. "Emmett was only five or six when it happened. He only remembers bits and pieces of the time when his dad was around."

"So, I guess we're going to a wedding?"

"You don't have to."

"You know I'm going."

My eyes flicked over to hers, and I knew there was no point in even starting the argument. I could probably have made it for her, and I wouldn't have had much defense. I sighed loudly through my nose and shook my head a little.

Bella turned her head towards mine, and our lips met. I could still taste a hint of chocolate on her tongue as I gripped her with one hand and the branch with the other. The angle was awkward, and I had to tighten my grip around her waist to keep her from falling backwards.

More giggling. The sound went straight to my cock.

We broke away, and Bella's eyes glistened in the fading light. Her hand reached out and graced over my cheek.

"Time to go home?" she asked quietly.

I hoped that meant what I thought it meant.

I nodded, leaned in to press my lips against hers once more, and then helped her out of the tree. I pulled her against me with my arm around her shoulders as we walked back up the trail to the car. Once inside, we held hands between the seats while I drove in silence.

We didn't speak when I parked the car or when we walked up the stairs. I opened the door for her, and Bella walked in quietly with me at her heels. She stopped a few feet in, turned, and looked at me. I didn't know what her expression meant, but I stopped and took a step back. It seemed like I needed to give her some room.

As weird as it was, I didn't know what to do next.

I hadn't brought too many girls back to my place in the past – I usually got them to take me to theirs. Even when I had, we were usually practically fucking in the hallway before I got the door open, and none of them ever actually made it to the bedroom.

This was different.

With the others, I really didn't give a shit how it was going to turn out. We made sure we got each other off, and then that was it. There wasn't any pressure because I didn't really plan on seeing any of them ever again.

I swallowed hard and tried to figure out what to do.

Thankfully, Bella's revelation pretty much wiped out any actual thoughts from my head.

"Edward?" she said quietly. Her hands clasped behind her back as she stared down at the floor and shuffled her feet.

"Yeah?"

"I'm…ah…I'm not wearing any underwear."

My throat went dry.

"None at all?"

"None at all."

"Fuck me," I whispered. I tried to swallow a few times as my eyes danced over the tight dress, and I realized it was true. The dress was too form-fitting to not be showing some kind of panty lines. She was totally fucking bare under it. "All night?"

She giggled.

"Well, they aren't in my purse!"

I wasn't about to go looking for them. Actually, I couldn't even really consider what may or may not have been in the Duffle of Doom – I was far too focused on Bella's revelation.

I took a half step towards her, and she took a half step back.

"Don't move," I commanded with narrowed eyes, and she stopped. I stepped closer until I was only an inch away from her and then let my eyes travel all the way down her body – closely checking out the curves of the dress. Now that I knew what I was looking for – or rather, looking to _not_ find – it was obvious.

Not knowing about it all night pissed me off a bit.

It also made the moody little bastard about as ready to roll as he could be.

I leaned forward, eyes narrowed as I brought my face right up next to hers. Our noses were almost touching.

"Did you say that just to drive me crazy?"

Bella's throat bobbed as she swallowed.

"Yes," she admitted.

I moved my head around to her ear, exhaling warm breath down her neck.

"Oh…Bella…" I whispered in her ear. "You are definitely going to pay for that."

She shivered as I ran my hands over her from her hips to just underneath her arms, and then back again. My mouth covered hers as I pressed my body up against her, pushing her back to the wall between the kitchen and the living room. She moaned into my mouth as I pushed my hips against her, showing her exactly what she was doing to me.

My hand found its way back to her hip, then lowered until it was at the edge of her dress. My fingers ducked underneath the tight fabric and moved up just enough to leave no doubt about her lack of panties.

Smooth, creamy skin filled my hand.

Breaking our kiss, I placed both hands on the side of her face and looked deep into her eyes. Bella stared back at me, and I could feel her fingers tightening on the fabric of my shirt.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked her as I watched her eyes for any doubt.

"I'm sure," she replied.

"I don't want you to feel pressured."

"I don't." Her hands reached up to the back of my head, and she pulled me back to her.

With a groan, I reached down and picked her up. I tried not to actually run to the bedroom, but it was difficult. I set her back down on her feet at the edge of the bed and looked down at the dress covering her body.

"I've wanted to do this all night," I said quietly as I reached down to the bottom of her dress and started to lift it up.

Bella stood still as I pulled the garment up and off of her, revealing her naked body an inch at a time. Those beautiful, long legs beckoned me. Her hips were curved, feminine, and enticing. Her skin tinged slightly pink with the cool air of the room, which also made her nipples harden deliciously.

"God, you're beautiful," I gasped.

Bella reached up and pulled the pins from her hair, which made it all fall over her shoulders in the way that always drove me crazy. I dropped the dress to the floor and reached out to run my fingers through her hair, spreading it out over her back.

Her hands came up to cross in front of her as she glanced away, but I caught them.

"Please…don't cover yourself. Not at all…God, Bella…never do that…" I couldn't even form real words. Her skin was flawless, her breast spectacular, and the little triangle of hair right above the Promised Land just begged to be fondled and teased.

My cock tried to jump right off my body and between her legs.

Taking her hand in mine, I led her to the bed and lay her on her back. As I looked down at her, I slowly began to unbutton my shirt. I watched her eyes as they watched my fingers and noticed her breathing increase as her eyes dilated.

I dropped the shirt to the floor behind me and then flipped the button on my pants open as I kicked off my shoes. Bella's lip disappeared behind her teeth as I lowered my pants and boxers to the ground, stepped out of them, and then crawled slowly over her.

As much as I wanted to, I kept myself from just dropping down on top of her. I wanted to feel her skin all over mine, but I also wanted to make sure this was how it should be, and that meant serious orgasms for her before the moody little bastard got a taste.

I kissed her side, just to the right of her bellybutton. Moving a little farther up, I pressed my lips to a spot just beneath her left breast and then made a trail of kisses over her collarbone. As much as I wanted to just stare at her and feel her up all over the place, I knew what she needed.

"I don't know what to do," Bella said quietly.

"I owe you like, a dozen orgasms," I reminded her. "For now, you just lay your head on that pillow and start collecting debt."

That's when I started teasing.

While barely touching her skin, my fingers danced over her body. I moved from her shoulder, down her arm to her hip, across her belly, and then up the other side. She shivered a bit with the light touch as I circled her breasts, coming close to – but not quite touching – her nipples.

"You are driving me crazy," she whispered into the dimly sit room.

"Turn about, baby," I said. "It's all fair play."

My palm rubbed across her stomach, and my little finger just barely grazed the line of her pubic hair. With one finger extended, I lightly stroked her skin with the back of my nail around the edge. I continued over the inside of one thigh, and then the other one.

Bella squirmed.

"Be still!" I commanded, and she quieted her body. "That's it…"

Very, very lightly, I teased over top of her clit – almost touching but never quite getting there. Around and around I circled, like a sea bird looking for just the right wave to ride, until Bella was hardly able to contain herself.

"Spread your legs," I told her, and she complied by moving her knees apart to give me better access. "There ya go, baby…that's it."

Still barely touching her skin, my fingers ran lightly between her legs, over her labia, across her clit, and then back down again. With two fingers, I spread her open.

"Fucking gorgeous," I mumbled. "So fucking perfect."

The tip of my finger entered her, and Bella gasped a little. Though she was wet, she was also already gripping my finger tightly. She was going to be a tight fit, and I was glad I had a modicum of foresight for once. I kissed her shoulder, then down her arm as I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle there.

"What's that?" Bella asked as she eyed my hand.

"Lube," I said. I turned the little bottle so she could see the word _Astroglide_ on the side of it.

"Why do we need it?" she asked as her cheeks turned red.

"Bella…I'm ah…" I wasn't really sure what to say without sounding like a prick, so I decided to just get it out there. "I'm a big guy, and you're a virgin. This is going to make it easier and more comfortable for both of us."

She looked off to the side, so I grabbed her chin and made her face me.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with you!" I told her sternly. "They make this shit for a reason, you know."

She seemed to consider that for a moment, then looked back to me as her hand came up and touched my face.

"You're right," she said.

"Damn straight I am," I replied with a grin.

I kissed her, ran my tongue over her lips, and felt her reach out with her tongue into my mouth. I let her take the lead for a minute while my fingertips traced over her sides and around her breast. While she kept it up, I popped the top of the bottle and squeezed it a bit until a few drops were on my fingers.

My hand moved from her side down her thigh. I kept my fingers off her skin until I moved around to the inside of her thigh and up between her legs. I circled her opening with the tip of my fingers, combining her own wetness with what was on my finger. This time when my finger pressed inside of her, there was less resistance. It entered her much more easily, and within just a few seconds, Bella's hips started moving with the motion of my finger inside of her.

"There ya go," I whispered against her neck. "Fuck, baby…you are so tight. I can't wait to get my cock in there."

Bella gasped at my words, her face and neck flushed, and her fingers gripped my arm.

My girl loved dirty talk, no doubt about it. It was a good thing, too, because I tended to get kind of mouthy.

"Oh yeah, baby…you have any idea how good you look spread out on the bed like that? Just waiting to get fucked?"

"Edward…"

"Hush," I told her. "Shut your mouth and just feel this."

I moved my finger in and out of her a few more times before adding another one. I could feel how tight she was, and though I wasn't really sure what a hymen felt like, there was definitely resistance as I added a bit more pressure.

My thumb circled her clit, pressing, rubbing, and rolling over her.

Bella moaned, and I covered her mouth with mine to silence her. One of her feet came up and tried to wrap around my leg, but she couldn't quite reach me, and her leg dropped back down to the mattress.

"You want more, sweetheart?" I murmured in her ear. "You want more of this?"

"Yes…please…" Bella groaned.

My fingers moved a little faster, and my thumb matched the pace she set with the slight movement of her hips and thighs. My mouth turned up in a smile as I looked down at her flushed body. It didn't take much more coaxing before she was writhing beneath my touch.

I should have been a fucking violinist.

Bella let out a muffled groan as her legs stiffened and her head pressed back firmly against the pillow behind her. I pressed my thumb against her clit and held it there as her muffled cry increased in pitch just before her whole body seemed to drop into the bed. Sweat covered her forehead and neck, and her mouth remained open with panting breaths though her eyes stayed closed.

She was too fantastic for words.

"That's my girl," I said into her mouth as I kissed her. "So fucking beautiful…I could watch you come every day for the rest of my life."

I continued to slide my fingers in and out a couple more times before I withdrew them. I just couldn't wait any longer. The sight of Bella in mid orgasm was just too much. I ran my moistened fingers over the head of my cock and down my shaft, letting what was left of the lube coat me. With one knee, I pushed her legs a little farther apart as I moved into position on top of her and finally let the moody little bastard get a good look.

He was pretty fucking pleased to say the least. It was kind of hard to stop him from just leaping forward, but I kept myself in check. I ran my dick up the side of her leg, felt her tense a little, and then rubbed it between her slit. Up and down, coating myself in her moisture. The head of my cock teased over her clit, then down to her opening, and then back again.

With one hand on the side of her face and the other gripping the base of my dick, I slowly pushed against her, using my hand to guide me to the right spot. The tip found its way through her folds and the centered itself right where it needed to be. I felt her open around the head of my cock, felt the slight resistance just inside of her, and then broke through. Bella tensed slightly, and I stopped.

"You okay?"

She nodded quickly and then looked up to me with a tight-lipped smile.

"I'm okay," she breathed.

Watching her face, I pushed again. I had no idea if it was better to go slowly or quickly, but everything else had been at a slow pace up until this point and Bella seemed to like it.

It was driving the moody little bastard fucking insane.

She was still wet from her orgasm and the remaining _Astroglide_, and the slick, tight channel gripped me firmly. It was so warm inside of her, and it was difficult to not just plunge in and start going to town. Still, I kept my restraint, slowly sliding into her as her body encompassed me and sweat began to collect on the back of my neck.

I groaned loudly as the head of my cock pressed against her cervix and I was completely buried inside of her. The feeling was nothing short of incredible, and I wasn't sure if it was due to the amount of time since I had been intimate with a woman or the lack of latex surrounding my cock, but it felt so good I was lucky I didn't just blow a load into her with the first stroke.

I stilled and wrapped my hand around the back of her head.

"Still okay?" I asked.

"You're all the way in," she replied through pants.

I wasn't sure if she was asking a question or not, so I nodded.

"All the way, baby."

"We're really doing this…"

"I can stop," I told her, hoping to whatever higher power might be out there that she wouldn't want me to. If she did, I would, but I wouldn't be happy about it. I'd probably have to take a three hour shower, too.

"Don't stop," she said quickly. Her hands tightened against my back as I thanked the powers that be.

"I won't," I promised. "Not until you come again."

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, and I brought our lips together. Our tongues moved in tandem as I held my hips still and let her get used to me inside of her. When our mouths parted, I slowly kissed up the side of her face and then wrapped my lips around her earlobe.

"Do you have any idea how good this feels?" I whispered to her. "Being inside of you like this? Feeling you tighten up on me, grabbing my cock from the inside? Do you know how fucking perfect that feels?"

She didn't answer, but I didn't expect her to.

I let my hips pull away from her a bit, bringing myself just an inch or so out before pushing back in again. Bella let out a quiet little sound, and her fingers dug into my skin as she moved her hands up to my shoulders.

Again, I pulled a little ways out, and then pushed back in again.

"Oh, baby…" I moaned.

After a couple more strokes, I pulled out most of the way, just leaving the head inside, and then pushed forward with a little more force. This elicited a groan from Bella, so I did it again.

"You like that?" I asked. I forced myself not to move any faster because I was being reminded how long it had been since I had been inside of a woman. "Huh? You like it like that? Slow and deep?"

"Unnhg!" Bella groaned back at me.

I took it for a yes.

"You feel so fucking good," I huffed into her ear. I moved in and out of her with long, slow strokes. "Oh…yeah…so good, Bella…fuck!"

Bella moaned something else incoherent as she ran her hands up my arms and wrapped her fingers around my biceps. She held on tight as I rocked in and out of her, my cock sliding up into her quickly, and then backing out slowly. She let out little grunt each time I bottomed out.

"Do you like that, huh?" I growled. "You like having my cock in you?"

"Edward…oh, God, yes!" Bella's shoulders twisted and she nearly bucked me right off of her, but I placed a hand over her arm and held her down.

I pumped into her a little faster, rotating my hips against her clit as I moved in and out of her. The backs of my fingers traced up her side and circled her nipple before I took it in my mouth and sucked gently. Bella's fingers dug into my back, and she whimpered a little.

Raising my head, I looked down at her as I moved. She had found the rhythm of her own hips, and I did my best to match her pace. Her face flushed, and her chest heaved with her breaths.

Bella's eyes squeezed shut, and she bit down on her lip as her hips rose up to meet mine. I could feel her clenching around my cock, her body shuddering in a ripple from her hips to her arms as I buried myself in her. I held myself against her, grinding and circling around her clit until she gasped, moaned, and then dropped down against the bed, panting.

Wrapping my hand around her thigh, I brought her leg up a little higher, giving me a slightly different angle. The pressure against my cock as I slid deep into her was as mesmerizing as the sight. Bella moaned, arched her back, and drove me deeper.

I didn't know how much longer I could last. Though I really wanted to feel her come again, the feeling of her body grasping my cock was ultimately too much. It had been far too long, and even before I never remembered anything feeling quite like this. The warmth, the snug fit, and the heat were more than I could stand.

The light touch of her fingers running from the small of my back up to my shoulder did me in.

The buildup was strong and undeniable. I could feel it throughout my skin as it seemed to travel around and amplify every place where our bodies touched. I slammed into her a final time, holding myself flush against her, buried deep. My balls tightened, my thighs quaked, and the sound that came out of me as I filled her was nothing less than feral.

My whole body shuddered. For a moment, I couldn't breathe, and then I couldn't bring air into my lungs fast enough. I could still feel the vibrations echoing through my body in post-orgasmic aftershocks.

I was pretty sure I hit at least a five on the Richter scale.

It occurred to me that I was still on top of Bella with my forehead pressed against her shoulder and my hips still grinding against her pelvis like I thought I might be multi-orgasmic. I pushed back a little so I wasn't crushing her as much and felt myself slip from her. Slowly, I rolled until I was beside her and pulled her body against mine.

I still couldn't breathe right, and I left my eyes closed as I tried to figure out just what the hell was going on inside of me. Another shudder went through my body, but I didn't understand it. I opened my eyes and found Bella looking at me. For a moment we stared at each other, both of our chests rising and falling as we caught our breath.

I reached out and placed my hand on the side of her face, and Bella leaned into it.

"Was it…I mean, was I…" Bella's voice disappeared as her blush returned. "I mean…I know _you_ were…"

I used a single finger to outline the contours of her face – around her eyebrow, over her cheekbone, and down her jaw to her chin. My finger moved down her throat, dipped into the hollow at the base, then continued between her breasts.

"You're perfect," I informed her. "Better than I imagined, and I've imagined _this_ a lot."

"Every time you take a shower?"

"Even more often," I admitted.

"When was the first time?" she asked. "The first time you thought about me…like that."

"Before you moved in," I told her without hesitation. "Long before. I think it was when I started walking you home."

"You never said anything," she remarked.

"I was afraid I would piss you off. I was setting myself up as a big brother or whatever…"

"I thought about you the first night we met," she blurted out.

My eyes moved back to her face.

"Oh really?"

"Yes," she said with a blush. "You were my hero."

I tried to shrug it off, but she wouldn't let me.

"You didn't have to do that," she said. "You didn't have to chase them down the street and save me from them. I can't even think about what might have happened if you hadn't been there."

"I'm glad I was."

"So am I."

She snuggled closer against my chest, and I wrapped one arm around her head to bring her cheek against my shoulder. Her bare skin was warm against mine and still slightly flushed from the sex.

"I'm sorry," Bella suddenly piped up.

"For what?"

"Making you wait so long."

"I'm not," I told her with a firm shake of my head.

"You aren't?"

"No." I snickered through my nose and kissed the top of her head.

"Why not?"

I thought about it for a minute, trying to figure out how to answer.

"Because if we had done it when I first wanted to…" I faltered and then tried again. "It wouldn't have been the same. I mean, I'm sure it would have been great and all…but not the same."

She looked up at me, confused.

I sighed.

"You would have just been another chick I've fucked," I said.

Bella's eyes dropped as she seemed to think about it for a minute.

"What am I now?" Bella readjusted herself to turn towards me a bit more. She propped herself up on her elbow and waited.

I considered for a minute and then shrugged.

"You're my Bella."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle for a moment, and then our lips met again, but only briefly. When we parted, my focus stayed on her eyes. My heart began to beat faster, and though my body made it clear that I wanted her again, the thrumming of my heart was not in response to the lust.

I wasn't one to second guess myself, but the feeling frightened me a little.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

I think this is up there with one of the longest smut scenes I've written for twific. Maybe UC's was longer, but this one would definitely be a close second. I almost didn't get it done at all!

The wedding should be interesting…

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look for twificmeetup with a dot then blogspot and another dot then com :)

Follow on Twitter: **TwificMeetup**

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	19. Run the Gauntlet

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! Has everyone recovered from the BD2 premier?

Thanks to DK for the beta job, and Deeper water for the reading group questions!

Edward did pretty well with the first time...how about round 2+?

**"Are you making excuses to me, or yourself?"**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Run the Gauntlet**

"Oh…fuck yeah…"

I lifted Bella up by her hips and brought her down on my cock in quick, rhythmic motions. Little beads of sweat were starting to show themselves on her forehead as she rode me hard with her arms draped over my shoulders. Her tits bounced wildly around, and I tried to catch them with my mouth as they flew by.

I caught one, sucked hard, and felt Bella tense all around me. She moaned out my name, which sent me right over the edge. My legs clenched, and I grabbed her hips to slam her down on me and hold her there.

"Ungh!" I growled as my hips rose up and my cock emptied into her. "Oh, fuck me…"

My arms went around her, and I brought her head down to my chest as I leaned back on the pillows. My arms were aching from holding her up, and my back was complaining about being in that position too long, but the rest of me felt good enough that I just didn't give a shit. Round three had been almost as good as round one.

"I thought you were supposed to roll over and fall asleep afterwards," Bella commented through pants.

"I probably will now," I said.

"That's probably best."

"Are you sore?" I asked, feeling like a jerk for not asking before.

"Not really," Bella said. "It feels…different. Kind of weird, but not sore. I'm tired, though."

"It's late," I said for no particular reason. It was obviously fucking late. Hell, the sun was going to come up before too long. I kissed the top of her head. "Go to sleep."

"Are you going to pounce on me in my sleep?" she asked with a giggle.

The giggle shook my softened cock right out of her, which felt both good and really strange at the same time. I'd have to make her laugh while I was fucking her to see what that was like.

"Oh, probably," I said with a shrug. "Maybe not tonight – you've worn me out. Tomorrow is anyone's bet."

More giggling.

I ran my hand up and down her back a few times as she snuggled against my chest and let out a long sigh. Reaching down with one hand, I pulled the blanket up over both of us, pressed my lips to her hair once more – she still smelled fucking fantastic – and closed my eyes.

It had been a damn good first date.

…

"We might as well talk about it," Bella insisted.

She had made those Swedish bean balls again, which had definitely become my favorite thing to eat on the weekends. I needed a good three days to get it all digested, especially when she used a little cream in the mashed potatoes.

"You don't have to go," I said for the tenth time. "I said _I_ would go, not that _you_ would go, and I already regret the first part."

"Are you embarrassed to be with me?"

"For fuck's sake, of course not!"

"Then why don't you want me to go?" She leaned forward and grabbed the bowl of bean balls away from me as I tried to go for seconds.

I stared at her pointedly.

"Really? You're going to steal the potatoes, too?"

"Talk!" she growled. "I'm sick of you not telling me shit!"

"Bella, seriously, can't you imagine it?" I sat back and growled under my breath. "Everyone who is going to be there comes from money. Serious money. For the most part, they only care about what designer made your dress and if you purse and your shoes match. They would assume you were the kitchen help if you walked in there with the Sack of Sauron."

"The what?"

Oops.

I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"My point is," I said, hoping to divert her attention from my slip of the tongue, "everything is designer, all the way down to your skivvies, and yeah – they probably do check them at the door."

Bella's round eyes watched me for a minute.

"You mean I don't have anything to wear."

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

"I could get something…" Her voice faded, and as our eyes locked, I knew I didn't have to tell her how ridiculous that was.

"Yeah, and throughout the night they'd do their best to make you feel like shit for it, and whatever money you would spend on it would be totally wasted. You could go to Nordstrom and spend five hundred on a dress, and they'd consider you crap. How exactly does that sound like a nice evening to you?"

Bella's eyes dropped to the table. I felt bad for putting it all out there in the open, but it was a hell of a lot better than her spending the money on something that would just get her ridiculed. I remembered when Rosalie had just started dating Emmett and showed up at holiday party wearing something off the rack. She'd left crying within about fifteen minutes.

Girls were mean.

At least guys get it over with in a thirty second fight. Chicks would harp on little things for years, nibbling down at whatever girl was the brunt of the abuse until she couldn't take anymore. I knew Bella was fragile when it came to that kind of shit – no way would I expose her to that.

"Edward," Bella said quietly as her fingers drummed on the edge of the bowl of bean balls, which were still calling to my stomach. "If you are going to go to this wedding, I'm going with you."

"No, you aren't."

"Let's see…what did you say to me before when I said I was going home to La Push? Not up for debate? I'm going."

"I'm going to a _reception_, not a _conception_." I grumbled. "This isn't the same at all."

"Yes, it is," she insisted. "I know there's a lot you're not telling me about why you disowned your family, but it doesn't matter to me. I know this is going to be hard for you, and I am going to be there with you!"

"It's not going to be hard for me," I argued. "I go in, sign the fucking book to prove I was there, say a toast, and get the fuck out."

"Toast?"

"Um…yeah…" I reached behind and scratched the back of my head. "He's my cousin. I'd have to do a toast."

"Isn't that the best man?"

"Well, yeah, the best man always does a toast – that would be Aro. In our family, pretty much everyone does a toast of some sort – it's just expected. I even gave one when Aro married Chelsea, and I was just a kid."

I reached for the bean balls, but Bella wouldn't relinquish them. She just pulled them closer to her side of the table as she looked at me.

"Why does she want you to go?"

"Who? Rose?"

"Yes."

"Rosalie has been trying to get me back in the family since the day they figured out where I was living," I said. "I guess she figured the guilt-tripping and brow-beating weren't going to work, so making me go where everyone is going to be will make some difference."

"Your parents will be there," Bella said.

"Undoubtedly," I replied.

"You haven't seen them since you walked out, right?"

"For the most part."

"What does that mean?" Bella pressed.

"I haven't spoken to them since then," I said. "I did see my dad once, but I didn't talk to him."

"What happened?"

I let out a long sigh.

"Can I get some damn potatoes and bean balls first?"

"Will you tell me then?"

"Fine."

Bella pushed the bowl over to me, and I made sure I took a really healthy portion. They tasted do damn good, and I wanted to make sure I got as much as I wanted. It would be fucking salads and shit tomorrow to make up for it.

"Well?" Bella prompted as I shoved a bite into my mouth.

"You can't starve me and expect me to be able to have a deep conversation," I informed her as I pointed my fork in her direction.

"That's your second helping," she reminded me.

"Oh yeah…well, I was really hungry."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest, leaned back in her chair, and glared at me. It was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to be getting out of this, so I rolled my eyes and started talking.

"It wasn't a big deal," I lied. "I had been clean for about a month when Emmett tracked me down. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone where I was, but he told Rosalie, and she told the whole fucking family. I swear she thinks by getting into their good graces she's going to get some huge fucking inheritance or something."

"So what happened?"

"It's pretty straightforward," I said. "Emmett brought Dad here. I took one look at him, punched Emmett, and walked out. That was the end of it. I didn't even find out until later that Rosalie was involved."

"Your father came here?"

"Just that once," I said.

"You didn't talk to him?"

"Nope."

"Edward!" Bella tossed her hands up into the air and then brought them down on the table. "He wanted to talk to you! Why else would he come here?"

"Don't, Bella," I warned. "Just…don't."

I got up and walked out of the kitchen before I got so pissed off I ended up running out. Grabbing my smokes off the nightstand, I crawled out onto the fire escape.

"What's up, crazy bitch?"

Crazy Alice had about nine empty containers for dental floss lying around her feet and had constructed a pretty intricate spider web out of the floss itself. There was a huge, tangled mess of white string all over the fire escape, which pretty much made it a fire hazard.

Gotta love the irony.

She didn't say anything to me, but she kept glancing over at me with a weird little smile.

"You are very loud, you know," Crazy Alice said as I finished my smoke and started to climb back through the window.

I narrowed my eyes at her, but she didn't look over at me. She seemed completely entranced by the bit of dental twine wrapped around her fingers. She tied a bit of it into a loop and started to play Cat's Cradle.

"You get off on listening?" I asked with a smirk, but I didn't get any more words out of her. I climbed the rest of the way back through the window and found Bella sitting on the couch with a big glass of apple juice.

"I'm going with you," she said definitively. "I'm not going to argue about it, and I have no idea what I'm going to wear, but I'm going. I'll go in fucking sweats if that's what I have to do, but I am going!"

I rolled my eyes and was about to start the whole _oh no you aren't _argument over again when someone started tapping at the door.

"Who the hell is that?" I muttered as I went to open it. As soon as the door swung to the side, I wished I had just stayed on the fire escape. "What the fuck?"

"Good evening, Edward," Aro said smoothly. He looked around me to smile at Bella. "Hello, Miss Swan. It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Hello Aro," Bella replied. "Please, come in."

"Seriously?" I asked. As I turned around to look at her, Aro stepped to the side and entered the apartment. Behind him was an older guy with white hair down to his shoulders and a big bag over his arm.

"Pardon my manners," Aro said as I closed the door. "This is Caius. He's going to get you measured for your tux, and then we'll work on some designs for Bella's dress."

"My…my what?" Bella stuttered.

"Your dress for the wedding," Aro said with a cool smile. "Em said Edward was concerned he would need a new tuxedo, and it occurred to me that we could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Caius is a fabulous procurer of wonderful items from Italy and Paris. He'll find just the thing for you, I'm sure."

"Aro, are you out of your mind?" I snarled.

"You said you were going to attend the wedding, correct?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"And I assume you are still a man of your word, regardless of the sins of the past?" He eyed me pointedly. "I'm fairly certain that was a trait instilled in you by your father and grandfather."

I took a long breath but gave him a single nod.

"Then you will need a tuxedo."

"This has nothing to do with Bella," I growled at him as I took a step closer.

"Hold your arm out to the side, please," the white haired gentleman said. He took my wrist and guided my hand away from my body as he started taking measurements with a long tape measure.

I ignored him but let him do his job. One thing that was definitely true was my need for a tux, and since Aro would be paying for the rest of the wedding anyway, I didn't think the price of a tux was going to amount to even a drop in that budget bucket.

"Of course it does," Aro replied as he smiled at her again. "We'll want her dressed appropriately, and considering your income level, you know you can't accommodate."

"My income level is none of your fucking business!"

"Edward," Bella said as she stood from the couch and walked over. "We were just trying to figure out how I was going to get something to wear."

"We were not trying to figure it out!" I snapped back. "You aren't going!"

"Of course she is!" Aro said with a laugh.

"See?" Bella smiled along with him as she gestured to Caius. "And now we have the solution."

"Bella, you have no idea what you're saying."

"Of course I do!" she said. "I'm going to a wedding with you."

"It's settled then!" Aro beamed.

"It certainly is not!"

As Aro, Bella and I argued, Caius flittered around and measured me from every angle. It was surreal and reminded me very much of comparable positions I had been in as a kid. I couldn't even count the number of times similar people had measured, primped, and preened me for various social gatherings.

Their simple logic and general _gang up on Edward _tactics eventually wore me down.

"Fine!" I grumbled. "But I'm telling you right now, it's going to suck!"

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at the both of them while Caius got down on his knees and measured my inseam.

Fucking hell.

Two hours later, Caius was still talking to Bella about dress designs and I had stepped out for a smoke. Aro followed me.

"I'm glad you decided to attend," he said.

"Decide?" I snorted. "I was coerced."

"However it occurred, I'm still glad you will be there."

"I'm not talking to him, Aro," I said.

"Edward…"

"No!" I growled. "I'll go there because I said I would, but I didn't say anything about talking to him!"

"Your mother-"

"Or her, either!"

Aro sighed and reached back to tighten the band around his ponytail. When his hand came back down, he brushed over the two silver rings in his ear.

"You still wear them," he remarked.

"I don't want the holes to close up."

"You could have bought different ones."

"With all the extra cash I have?" I smirked. "Yeah, food and rent are a little more at the top of my list."

Aro took a slight step back, eyed my left ear for a moment, and then gave me a half smile.

"Are you making excuses to me, or yourself?"

Fucker.

…

"Bella, the car is here."

I climbed back into the window and stepped over my growing pile of laundry. Bella was shoving shit into her purse – a bottle of hand lotion, an umbrella, an empty water bottle, and a cookbook for fuck's sake.

"What the hell do you need all that for?" I asked, then immediately thought better of it. "Never mind. I don't want to know. The car is out there and probably already drawing a lot of attention. We should hustle."

"I'm ready," she said as she tossed the bag over her arm. "Let's go."

The Rolls was deep black, sleek, and totally out of place parked out in front of our dilapidated building. Bella's eyes went wide as the dark haired man in a suit and customary chauffer's hat opened the back door for us, and she slid into the seat.

"Mister Cullen, may I say it is wonderful to see you again."

"Good to see you, too, Marcus," I replied as I got in beside Bella. "This is Bella Swan. Bella, this is Marcus – Aro's driver."

"Hello Marcus," she said quietly.

"A pleasure, Miss Swan." Marcus tipped his cap to her and gave me a wink before closing the back door with a click and taking his position in the driver's seat.

Marcus pulled out into the street and headed for the highway as Bella and I settled back against the luxurious interior. I focused on her face to keep the familiarity of the scene from bringing back memories. However, Marcus was less inclined to avoid the past.

"It's good to see you looking so well, Mister Cullen," he remarked as he glanced in the rearview mirror. "I haven't driven you anywhere since you received your temporary driver's license!"

"You've known Edward a long time?" Bella piped up.

"All his life," Marcus said with a smile. "I drove Mister Aro Cullen to the hospital when young Edward was born."

"What was he like as a child?" Bella asked.

"Oh, for Pete's sake…"

Marcus laughed and adjusted the mirror to see Bella better.

"Headstrong, independent, obstinate – my guess would be the same way as he is now."

Bella snickered.

"I'll take that as confirmation," Marcus said. I could see his cheeks raised in a smile from the view in the mirror.

"Nice," I muttered.

Marcus drove us to Aro's, where Emmett's side of the wedding party would be preparing. I continued to watch Bella's reaction to the surroundings, especially Aro's house, and wondered if she had ever seen places like it before. Her eyes just about popped out of her head when she took a good look at the floor in the foyer and realized it was marble.

Not long after we got there, Bella was whisked away by three ladies in Caius' employ, and Emmett dragged me to the den for shots of whiskey and bowtie tying.

"I fucking hate these things," I said as I pulled the knot out and tried again. It had been way too long since I had worn a bowtie, and I had apparently lost the knack.

Emmett laughed.

"Didn't you teach me how to tie one?" he asked.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "I don't even know what I'm doing here."

My cousin walked up, smacked my hands out of the way, and tied my tie for me.

"You're here," he stated, "because you belong here. You've shut everyone out for too long."

"Don't you start."

"Start what?" Emmett said.

"You know exactly what," I snapped back. I looked into the mirror at his handiwork, and my tie was pretty straight. "I get enough of that from Bella as it is. Besides that, you also know better."

"And Bella doesn't?"

I shrugged and fiddled with my platinum cufflinks.

"Christ on a cracker!" Emmett growled low. "She doesn't _know_?"

"She doesn't need to."

"Edward…what the…you…" Emmett stammered and he grabbed fistfuls of hair and pulled at them. "What the hell? What if you decide you want to get married and have kids someday?"

"Not doing that."

"You're living together, right?"

"Yeah," I replied with narrowed eyes. "So?"

"Do you love her?"

"Fuck." I turned around and walked across the plush carpet to the window. From there, I could see the slight outline of the river in the distance and thought the edge of the hedge maze might have been off in the distance.

"Well?"

"What does that shit even mean?" I mumbled as I turned back to him. "I don't know. She's…important."

"Sounds like a lot more than you've had since Angela."

Instinctively, my eyes closed. I wished I could have done the same with my ears, but it was too late – I had already heard her name. My stomach tightened up, and I felt like vomiting. Waves of memories flooded my senses until I could not just see her soft curls and hear her soft sigh, but I could smell the scent of her skin after running through the maze and feel the burn of the wind on my cheeks as I chased her, laughing.

Then tears, yelling, pounding, blood, meat, screaming…

Loss.

I barely made it to the trashcan before emptying my stomach. With a swimming head and cramping stomach, I barely registered Emmett helping me over to a long leather couch – dragging the trashcan with us – and repeatedly apologizing.

I pulled off the damn tie so I could breathe.

With my head in my hands, I leaned over my knees and panted. Emmett's hand rubbed the back of my shoulders as I tried to get myself together again. My hands clenched my head, as if physically pushing on my temples would drive back the memories and contain them in the back of my mind. After a few minutes, I swallowed back the taste of bile as I swallowed down the thoughts of the past.

"Dude, it's been ten years," he said quietly. "You still can't hear her-"

"Shut up!" I tried to yell it, but it came out as more of a plea. "Just stop…don't say anything else."

For a long while, we just sat on the couch in silence. Finally, I took a deep breath and looked at him. My head hurt, and my eyes felt sore, but I had generally calmed down. Emmett reached over and tied my tie again.

"You can't live like this forever," he said as he finished with it. "You can't just _not_ tell Bella. If she really means anything to you, you have to tell her about it sometime."

"Why?" I snapped back. "Has Rosalie told you she only wants you for your money?"

"It's not the only reason," he corrected.

"But it's a big part of it."

Emmett's eyes flickered over to the door, then down to the floor, and then back to me.

"I know," he said. "She came from nothing, Edward. Scraping for every last breadcrumb. Too many kids, not enough food, no place to sleep but cardboard boxes. Yeah, she wants the money and she needs the security, but it's not the only reason."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I understand how it looks," Emmett said. "Aro was really leery of her at first, too. She's abrasive because she's scared, but she doesn't show too many people the other side of her. Believe me, bro – I know exactly what I'm getting into."

His eyes unfocused as a smile crossed his face.

"I love her," he stated, "and she loves me. She wants the money, too, but I can deal with that."

"Fighting for everything you need isn't a bad way to live," I said. "It makes you stronger."

"Rose has done enough fighting that battle," Emmett told me. "I'm going to take care of that now."

"What the fuck are you doing in the business, anyway?" I asked, glad to have the opportunity to change the subject.

"Chief Operating Officer over Silver Springs," he said. "Basically all the day-to-day stuff – IT, call centers, security – it's not bad work."

I let him go on about the family business for a few minutes, but then it was time to actually go to the cathedral. We both finished one quick shot of whiskey before heading back down the stairs.

"You sure you don't want to stand up there with me?" Emmett asked. "You know I want you up there."

"Nah," I said. "I'll sit with Bella and try to come up with a toast that doesn't involve that time you got your cock stuck in the zipper of your footy pajamas."

"Hey now," Emmett laughed, "that fucking hurt!"

"There they are!"

Chelsea stood at the bottom of the stairs with her graying hair coiled up into a fancy bun of some sort. Her bright red dress didn't match the season so well, but it made her look stunning. Aro's hair was pulled back inconspicuously, and his tie and cummerbund matched his wife's attire, but I barely saw them.

Bella was near the door, and as soon as my eyes made contact with her, everything else disappeared.

Deep blue accentuated her cream-colored skin and brought out the deep brown of her eyes. One strap over her left shoulder left her collarbones and right shoulder bare, and the flowing sheer skirt showed off her beautiful legs, with her feet encased in silver, high heeled shoes.

She was covered in sapphires and diamonds, from the three-tiered pendant necklace to the large bracelet on her wrist and the drop earrings. There was even a sapphire and diamond ring on her right finger.

I lifted my hand up and made a motion for her to turn around. She complied, showing me the intricate nature of the back of the dress. The single strap over her left shoulder met with the two pieces of fabric coming from around her front and gathered together at her lower back in a slight V shape, leaving most of her back exposed. As she spun around, I saw the tiny little clutch purse on her wrist and had to hold in a laugh.

I reached out, placed my hands on her hips, and brought her against me. I leaned in close to kiss her right below her ear.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I whispered in her ear. "With you here, I just might survive tonight. I know seeing you like this has made it all worthwhile."

"I'm going to kill myself in these heels," Bella giggled. "Caius said I could keep the dress, but the jewelry is on loan."

"Well, you do have about four million dollars in gems around your neck," I informed her.

From the look on her face, I probably should have kept that information to myself.

"I do?" she whispered. "Four…four…"

"Shh…" I breathed against her ear again. "Just on loan, right?"

"How much is the dress?" she whispered back.

"I don't know shit about dresses," I said. "I grew up with gemstones."

"Oh…yeah," she said. "I thought it was silver?"

"You tend to make the setting out of the silver, and then put the stone in the setting. They all sort of go together."

"You did that as a kid?"

"I made jewelry out of silver as a kid, yes. Set my first gemstone – a garnet – into a ring when I was eight."

"Wow." Bella looked up at me and gave me one of her more fantastic smiles. "You are always full of surprises."

"Are you ready, Edward?" Aro's hand rested against my shoulder. "Bella is absolutely stunning, isn't she?"

"She always is," I replied as I took her hand.

The limo parked outside was huge, ostentatious, and typical for my family. The wedding was, too. I was really glad I had opted to sit in the pews of the huge cathedral with Bella instead of standing up with the wedding party, which seemed to consist of a who's-who list from the local society page.

While everyone else watched various actors, politicians, and business owners, I watched Bella. Even when I could feel my father's eyes on me, I watched Bella. When my mother paused to look at me as she walked down the aisle, I watched Bella.

I watched her skin glisten near the flawless gems around her neck. I watched her tear up when the vows were repeated. I watched her blush as she realized all I was doing was watching her.

"I can't stop," I whispered in her ear. "It hurts to look away from you."

Her neck warmed as I kissed her skin softly, making a trail along the thick silver chain around her throat. Emmett and Rose turned around to face the congregation as the priest pronounced them man and wife. They made their way down the aisle, followed by a couple dozen members of the bridal party.

Bella and I filed out with the rest of the guests.

"This way," I said to Bella as I pulled her back along the walkway to the side of the cathedral and around to the back. Marcus was back there with the car already, and I figured that was easier. "Avoid the papz."

"Papz?

"Paparazzi."

"You have to be kidding me."

"Not at all."

"But…but your family members aren't _celebrities_."

"Depends on who you ask," I replied with a shrug. "It also depends on what else is going on in the society news. If one of the guys from Magic Mike happens to be hanging out at the pub, they'll go there. If no one else is around, they love taking pictures of my dad."

"Oh!" Bella blushed and stumbled a bit in the heels. I grabbed her arm a little tighter and straightened her out. "I saw that movie."

"Did you now?" I asked with raised brows. "Want me to dance for you?"

"Do you dance?"

I laughed.

"Baby, you get some alcohol in me, and I can't stop!" I took her by the hand and wrapped one arm around her waist as she squealed. I spun her around in a circle, and then dipped her down low, right there in the middle of the parking lot. "I got moves, baby."

Bella gripped my arms tightly to keep herself upright as she laughed.

"I've never really seen you drink," she said.

"I don't much," I replied. "I might tonight, though."

"That might be…interesting."

"Are you planning on taking advantage of me, Miss Swan?"

"Maybe." Bella turned her head to one side and winked at me. We linked arms and started towards the car.

As I looked up from her smiling face to the Rolls, I saw a shape there that was definitely not Marcus. Even in the fading light, I knew exactly who was there waiting for me, and I wasn't the least bit pleased.

"Come on, Bella," I said. "Let's go back around front."

"I thought you wanted to stay away from the cameras?"

"They'll be too busy with Emmett and Rosalie," I replied as I turned her around.

"Edward?" my father called. "Edward – please!"

Bella craned her neck to look behind us.

"Someone's calling you," she said.

"No one important," I replied as I moved us a little faster.

We managed to find room in one of the limos out front and made our way to the reception with six of the bridesmaids. Thankfully, I didn't know any of them, and they didn't seem to know who I was. The ride to Eclipse – one of the most ridiculously exclusive clubs in the city – was short and uneventful. As soon as we got there, I hopped out of the vehicle and pulled Bella along with me.

I just needed to get through the fucking dinner, make a toast, and then get the hell out of there.

"Mister Cullen, Miss Swan," a tall, skinny woman in all black said as we walked in. "Your seats are right this way."

I took a good look at her but was pretty sure I didn't know her. I also didn't want to know how she knew who we were, so I just followed her without a word. I pulled out Bella's seat at the long table in front of the one where the wedding party was to sit.

"That's actual silver, isn't it?" Bella asked as she looked over the name cards at our seats.

"Undoubtedly," I replied.

She ran her finger over the letters, then startled as a huge ruckus broke out at the far end of the room. Emmett swooped in with a squealing Rosalie in his arms. The bridal party followed as Emmett carried his bride all the way over to the table and plopped her down in her seat. He grabbed up an already filled glass of champagne and held it up high.

"Here's to the most incredible woman in the world!" he cried out. "Because she has the tenacity and the perseverance to put up with an idiot like me!"

The crowd laughed as Rosalie grabbed him by the arm and hauled him to his seat as everyone else raised a glass in toast. I clinked my glass lightly against Bella's before draining it.

"This is really delicious!" Bella said as someone stopped beside me and refilled my glass.

"It ought to be," I replied. "A bottle of it would probably cover our rent."

"Seriously?"

"Yep." I drank a good gulp out of the second glass and kept my eyes on the table as Carlisle and Esme Cullen were announced.

"Those are your…"

"Yep," I said again as I drank the rest. The magic Champaign refill faerie was right there to fill it up again.

"They're…very attractive."

I didn't look.

Dinner was brought around, and I was both surprised and secretly thankful when Bella and I were both offered vegetarian dishes. I glanced up at Emmett, who raised his glass and smiled at me. I held mine up to him as well.

By the time dinner was over, I had consumed at least five glasses of champagne and was feeling pretty good. Emmett and Rose did their spotlight dance to get everything going, and then lots of people took to the dance floor. As they did, a woman in a shimmering silver dress stood up and started heading for our table.

"I promised you a dance," I reminded Bella as I stood up and grabbed her hand.

"I can't do this in these shoes," Bella huffed.

"Just follow me, baby," I said.

I brought her close to me, holding her against me both for her balance and also for my own protection. I felt a little shitty using her as a human shield, but it would be better than actually letting my mother walk up to me. I had the feeling that hearing her voice would be my complete undoing, and I was going to avoid it at all costs.

I was definitely feeling the drink, and all I could figure was that it must have clouded my judgment. When Emmett and Rosalie danced close to us, I didn't even think much about it when he asked to change partners.

"I'm glad you came," Rosalie said with a big smile. "It meant so much to Emmett for you to be here. Thank you."

"I said I would," I replied nonchalantly. "I'm a man of my word."

"I know," she said. "I was counting on there still being some of that Cullen man left in you."

I glared down at her.

"Sorry I tricked you into it," she said with a shrug, clearly not at all remorseful. "I know what you think of me, and it doesn't matter. All I can tell you is that I do love Emmett, and I would do anything for him."

"Including throwing me to the wolves," I shot back.

"If needed, yes," she responded simply. "Though I've done no such thing."

"What else would you call it?"

"Edward," Rose sighed. "The only wolf in the situation now is you."

I was about to give her a big old fuck you, but I saw Emmett's form out of the corner of my eye as he danced with a redhead I vaguely remembered from high school.

Where the fuck was Bella?

Dropping Rosalie's hand, I turned around and saw her in the arms of my father just as the music changed.

I was never one to cause a scene, but they took this one way too far.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Now you know this is going to get ugly...

Sorry for the cliffie (not really), but I had to get all this done before the premier! LOL

See you next week!

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	20. Flee the Scene

******Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Phew! Just barely made it! Disney vacation has been fantastic, but very tiring! Either we're trying to do too much, or just having way too much fun! Either way, I might have to take a day off to recover!**  
**

Hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving! You know I am always thankful for your reviews! Special thanks to DK and Deeper Water for beta reading and doing the questions for the reading group!

**"Lay back in that seat and think about my cock sliding up into you."**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Flee the Scene**

I think I actually went a little bit insane for a few minutes. Maybe it was the alcohol – I really didn't drink often, and it was definitely affecting me – or maybe just the strange sense of déjà vu being in the presence of all these people again, though none of them had really approached me. Either they had forgotten Carlisle and Esme had a son or they were just afraid to say anything to the estranged only child.

Whatever it was, I lost it.

Rosalie tried to hold on to me, but I shoved her to one side and stalked straight towards my father and Bella. I could see Emmett out of the corner of my eye, but he seemed more confused than anything and didn't move to block me. The redhead in his arms glanced from his face over to me, and there was a slight twinkle of recognition in her eyes.

I barely registered any of it.

The man I hated more than anything had his hands on my girl, and God only knew what he was saying to her. His expression was good-natured enough as he smiled gently at Bella. His mouth moved, but his words were soft.

I could only imagine what he might be telling her.

"Get your fucking hands off of her!" I screamed as I inserted myself in between them.

My hands braced against his shoulders and shoved him backwards across the dance floor. He slammed into another couple, who stumbled but didn't quite fall.

"Don't you ever, ever touch her!" I continued to yell.

"Edward!" Bella's hand grasped onto my forearm. "He was just-"

"Shut up!" I screeched as I turned and glared at her, my eyes blazing. I could see her tense, but my attention turned back to the tall, blond man who had been dancing with her. "You don't touch her! You don't touch anything in my life, you hear me?"

For a moment, all I could hear was the panting breaths coming out of my mouth, and I realized someone must have stopped the music. There were hundreds of people just standing around watching me, and it only fueled my anger.

"I didn't mean any harm, Edward," Carlisle said. "I only wanted to meet her-"

Holding Bella by the arm, I brought her behind me and up close. I didn't want her near him. I didn't want him to have the opportunity to tell her she was unworthy – I had to protect her from that.

"Well you don't get to!" I interrupted, sneering.

"I only hoped-"

"You don't get to hope, either!" I growled. "You don't get shit! Not from me!"

"Edward, please don't do this." At times, the melodic voice would have calmed me into submission, but those days were long past.

I turned towards my mother.

"You don't get to talk to me," I informed her. "You gave up that right."

I grabbed Bella by the hand and half dragged her back to where we had been sitting. There were a few murmurs from the crowd, but most were still just watching me.

I didn't give a flying fuck.

When we reached the table, I grabbed the little clutch purse off the back of the chair and shoved it at Bella. The champagne glass had been magically filled again, and I remembered there was one thing I still had to do, so I grabbed it and held it up high.

"You should have known this was going to happen," I called out to all around. "This isn't the toast I originally planned, but maybe this will serve as a lesson for all of you. I know you didn't really want me here in the first place, but you asked and here I am. So here's to my cousin Emmett and his far from blushing bride; with any luck, our family won't kill off everything you love!"

I drained the glass and threw it on the table. It knocked a bunch of stuff around, but didn't actually break, unfortunately. I was half tempted to pick it up and throw it again, but that desire wasn't near as predominant as the need to just get the hell out of there. I grabbed Bella and started shoving our way through the crowd. People moved away as I approached, even though I didn't look any of them in the eye. They parted like the Red Sea as I made my way towards the exit.

Even though I didn't want to, I couldn't help but see the faces of my family as I left.

Rosalie was glaring daggers, not surprisingly.

Emmett just looked at the ground, his jaw tight as his teeth clenched.

Chelsea had her hands over her mouth.

Aro's face showed nothing but pity.

My father – Carlisle Cullen, the richest man in the county – just stared open mouthed.

It was the last face that tore into me, though.

My mother stood in the middle of the dance floor with tears running down her face.

My stomach tried to revolt, but I locked it down as I made my escape with Bella dragged behind me. I was a little disoriented at first – there were people standing all around just inside the doors of the club – and I wasn't sure what direction all the cars were parked. I wasn't even exactly sure what car I was going to seek out – the limo or Aro's Rolls.

The door swung open with a bang, eliciting a grumbled reprimand by one of the people working at Eclipse. As soon as the cool air hit me, so did the drink. I stumbled a little on the steps, which nearly brought Bella down as well.

A camera's flash went off.

"Edward!" she screeched. "Slow down! I can't run in these shoes!"

"Then fucking ditch them!" I growled back. My fingers tightened on her hand as I brought her closer. I wanted to put my arm around her to help her along, but I was afraid I wasn't quite in control enough to do that.

Actually, I was feeling pretty seriously out of control, and I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't just the rage. As we headed around the back of the building, I saw where the cars were parked and quickly found a convenient shrub and waited for dinner to emerge.

It didn't, but my head continued to spin.

"Edward, you need to just sit down," Bella said. I nodded, and she helped me over to the edge of the building and sat me down on the grass.

My stomach rolled around again, but apparently I wasn't going to actually puke. I really didn't think I had consumed that much champagne, but apparently I was a little low on tolerance these days. It hadn't seemed like too much, but my spinning head disagreed. Of course, there were the whiskey shots before we headed to the wedding as well, but that had been hours ago.

I realized Bella was trying to talk to me, but my ears were ringing and I couldn't make out what she was trying to say. When I didn't respond, she placed her hands on my cheeks and turned my head to look at her.

"Do I need to take you to the hospital?" Her words finally broke through the haze, and I shook my head a bit.

"I'm fine," I tried to say, but I wasn't sure how it really came out. I grabbed the tie and pulled the knot out, and then unbuttoned the first three buttons on my shirt.

Bella sat back on her heels and sighed heavily.

"I wish I had my purse," she mumbled.

I tilted my head to look up at her, then down to the little clutch purse wrapped around her wrist. I knew I had gone back for it – I wasn't that out of it – so what was she complaining about?

"Not this one," she said. "_My_ purse."

Of course – the Yeti's U-haul.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because then I would have what I need!"

"What's that?"

"Pepto, some antacid tablets, tissues, water – you know."

I shook my head and tried not to laugh. Laughing would definitely hurt. I leaned my head against the brick wall behind me.

"You sure you're okay?" Bella asked again.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Okay, then," Bella said as she straightened her back and squared her shoulders. "In that case, we need to have something absolutely clear between us."

Her posture and words scared me a little, but when I got a good look at her face in the streetlights, I knew I was in a lot of trouble.

"What's that?"

"Don't you ever, _ever_," she said as her eyes blazed at me, "tell me to shut up again. If I have something to say, I'll fucking say it. You got that?"

I swallowed hard.

"I got it."

"I want your word," she said. "That seems to matter to you, at least. Promise me, and don't you dare break this promise."

I went a little cold.

"I give you my word," I told her. "I promise, I won't do that again."

She nodded once before she helped me stand on shaking legs, and we both headed to the side of Eclipse where everyone was parked. Like some sort of mind reader, Marcus was standing just outside the car. He opened the back door as we approached.

"Home?" he said quietly as we settling in.

I leaned my head back against the seat and grunted some sort of affirmative answer.

"My purse is back at your uncle's," she said. "And my clothes – we'll have to go back their first."

"All of your belongings are in the trunk, Miss Swan," Marcus informed her. "Is there something you would like out of it now? I could retrieve it for you."

"Oh, I can get it!" Bella responded with a bit of a blush as she reached for the door.

"Please, Miss Swan," Marcus said with a smile as he got out to the car and leaned into the window. "Allow me."

"Always prepared, aren't you?" I called out as Marcus handed Bella her purse.

"Not always, Mister Cullen," he said, "but I do try."

Bella spelunked around in her purse and pulled out a small black bag tied together with a drawstring. She untied it and pulled out a small pair of folded up shoes. She reached down, removed her heels, and placed the soft-looking shoes on her feet.

"What are those?" I asked.

"Ballet flats," Bella said. "Those heels were killing my feet."

"You can do ballet?" I asked, shocked. She'd never said anything about being a ballet dancer.

She laughed.

"Good grief, no!"

"Then why do you have ballet shoes?"

"They're ballet _flats_," she corrected, as if that was going to mean something to me. "Nobody is going _En Pointe_ in these. Besides, they fit in my purse."

"My boots would fit in your purse," I mumbled.

"Oh they would not!"

"Bet they would."

"You just try it!" she dared.

"Oh hell no," I said. "I might never find them again. I love those boots."

My head was still just a little bit swimmy. I moved over on the seat to get closer to Bella and put my head on her shoulder. Her hand came up to my cheek, and her fingers caressed a rough patch by my jaw. I closed my eyes, breathed in her scent, and tried to keep myself from thinking.

Remembering.

There were other weddings – both those for family and friends. Most had been festive and fun, even when I was a kid. Of course, back then there weren't any family black sheep to show up and ruin everything for everyone else.

Not sheep – wolf.

_The only wolf in the situation now is you_.

I wondered how true that statement might be, and the idea of it pissed me off. It wasn't me who started all of this, unless I was going to be blamed for being a kid and generally stupid about life.

Maybe I was.

I shook my head. I needed a distraction. Thankfully, the most distracting thing in the world was right next to me. I ran my hand up her leg, playing with the funky material of the more flowing part of Bella's dress. I was glad it wasn't one of those with the very form fitting skirts that were hard to move around. This one slid up pretty easily as my fingers wrapped around her knee and trailed up the inside of her thigh.

"Edward!" Bella hissed. Her hand dropped down on top of mine, halting my path. Her head turned towards Marcus, but I knew he wasn't going to be looking. My mouth found her neck, and I sucked on the skin below her ear.

"You look so beautiful tonight," I told her. "When I first saw you, I wanted to drop to my knees and just beg you to fuck me there in the foyer."

Bella's teeth imbedded themselves in her lip as she glanced at me shyly. I wondered if she realized how hot that was. The tips of my fingers traced lightly over the skin of her inner thigh, and I felt her shiver under my touch. Her hand wrapped tighter around mine, but she wasn't really trying to stop me.

"I only got to fuck you once this morning," I reminded her. "We're behind schedule."

"Not in the back of a car with someone else driving!" Bella whispered harshly.

"Well, you can't do it in the back of a car when _you_ are driving!" I told her. "That would be dangerous!"

Bella stifled a laugh with her hand, which left my hand free to roam around her thigh some more. My mouth followed the contours of her bare shoulder, then back up her throat. My lips covered hers, and the taste of her brought back the urgency of my need for her. One hand gripped her thigh, and the other grabbed the back of her head, pulling her closer to me as I devoured her lips and tongue. I finally pulled away when I was starting to run out of breath.

"I need you," I whispered into her ear. The previous tightness in my chest constricted again, and the words came out strained and a lot more desperate sounding than I intended as the weight of the evening crushed me. "I need to be inside you."

"Not now," Bella moaned. The tone of her words wasn't overly convincing, but I slid my hand back down to her knee anyway.

In my experience, sometimes a woman said no when she meant yes, but it didn't fucking matter – you stopped anyway. She would always let you know if she didn't really mean it.

Apparently, Bella was going to stick with the decision, even if she was intrigued by the idea. I thought maybe a slightly different route would be all right and would drive her as crazy as she drove me, so I went back to placing soft, open mouthed kisses on her shoulder.

"I bet you're wet right now," I whispered low. Even if Marcus was listening, he wouldn't have been able to hear me. I ran the tip of my nose up her neck until I reached her earlobe. The hand still placed on her knee felt her legs clench and squeeze together. "I bet you're thinking about my cock right now, aren't you?"

Bella let out a little whimper sound as she glanced towards the front seat.

"You just lay back," I told her. "Lay back in that seat and think about my cock sliding up into you."

My finger drew a little circle on the inside of her knee, which elicited another whimper as Bella closed her eyes. Her fingers clasped onto my forearm, but she wasn't trying to move it or anything.

"You want it, don't you?" I hummed into her ear, blowing warm breath down her neck. "You want my cock buried in you as much as I want it. Want to feel me over you, pushing you down against the back seat and spreading your legs…"

"Edward," she moaned with her eyes closed. "Please…"

"Please what? Please do it? Please fuck you right here?" My hand moved part way up her thigh. "What happened to Marcus hearing you screaming out my name?"

Bella shifted in the seat, rocking her delectable backside back and forth to find some kind of relief, but it wasn't going to be enough. I grinned, unable to help myself even though my straining cock wasn't any more comfortable. I moved around a bit as well and let her feel how hard I was against her thigh.

"You do this to me all the time," I whispered. "Every time I think about you, I get hard."

I flipped my hand over and grabbed her fingers. I placed them over my crotch and was pretty happy at the pressure she put against it.

"You want it," I murmured to her. "You can have it…right now."

"Not now," she said again. "When we get back to the apartment."

I pulled air through my nose, then huffed it back out sharply.

"As soon as we get there," I said.

Bella nodded vigorously.

"The moment we walk in the door," I pressed. "Not a second later."

She nodded with vigor.

"I hope that dress comes off quick," I said. "Because I'm going to grab you and fuck you against the wall."

"The wall?" she whispered.

"The same wall I wanted to fuck you against since the first time I kissed you," I confessed. "This time I'm gonna do it, so you better get that dress off as fast as you can, because I'll rip it up if you take too long."

"Ok," Bella said. I watched her throat bob as she looked up at the front seat again. Marcus continued to stare straight ahead.

"Actually, forget it," I suddenly decided. "It'll take too long. You better just plan on getting it out of my way."

She glanced over at me with wide open eyes, and I stared pointedly at her until she nodded. Her hand moved, and her finger slid down my shaft as her tongue darted out over her lips.

"I'm going to fuck you hard, too."

She responded with another stroke down my dick, and I had to growl through a moan just to keep myself from coming right in the tux pants. I glanced out the window and noticed we were actually pretty close to our neighborhood, which was a very good thing. I only had to hold my composure for a few more minutes.

When Marcus stopped in front of our building, Bella placed all the jewelry she was wearing into the little clutch purse and gave it to Marcus to return.

"I'm sure you could keep the purse," I said with an internal snicker.

"Then I wouldn't have any place for the jewelry," Bella replied. "Besides, the only thing I could fit in that tiny purse was my driver's license and lip gloss. It isn't good for much of anything."

I held in a laugh – I didn't think she would appreciate my commentary, and I had much more important things on my mind anyway – like getting my cock in her.

"The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming!" Crazy Alice screamed from the fire escape.

Marcus glanced up at her and then to me.

"She's the neighborhood welcome committee," I told him.

He gave me a strange look and smile to match before holding out his hand.

"It was good to see you again, Mister Cullen," he said. "I hope you won't stay away quite so long again."

"It was good to see you, too, Marcus," I replied as we shook hands. I didn't say anything about how long I might be staying away because _forever_ sounded about right to me, and Marcus didn't have anything to do with that. "Thanks a lot for the lift."

"Anytime," he responded. He looked over to Bella and reached for her hand as well. He held it gently in his and patted the top of it with his other hand. "A true pleasure to have made your acquaintance, Miss Swan."

"Thank you," Bella stammered out through a blush. "It was nice to meet you, too."

Though we walked at a normal enough speed into the building, as soon as the door was shut behind us I reached out and smacked Bella on the backside.

"Move it!" I commanded. "Get up those stairs!"

She squealed and laughed as she started to run with me at her heels. At least she remembered about having her keys out these days, because I might have busted down our door otherwise. _That_ would have given Crazy Alice something to yell about!

True to my word, as soon as we were inside the door, I kicked it shut and grabbed Bella by the waist. She cried out again as I lifted her and shoved her against the wall between the kitchen and the living room. I yanked up her flowing skirts as she held my shoulders and tried to keep her balance. Up under her skirt, I grabbed hold of the lacy panties and tore them off.

"Edward!" Bella complained. "I liked those!"

"They were in my way," I growled. Gripping the buckle of the belt, I yanked it to one side, then the other. The button and zipper of the tuxedo pants were quickly undone, and I shoved down my boxers just enough to pull out my cock. "Hold on."

Her fingers tightened on my shoulders as I positioned the head of my cock at her opening. She was as wet as I had expected her to be, and I wasted no time reaching around to use her ass for leverage as I shoved deep inside of her.

It was like life and heaven and chocolate. It was like being in the cage, but a thousand times more. The truth was, I had no idea what it was like, because it was unlike anything else in the world.

I kept my hand right at her lower back so I could slam into her as hard as I wanted, but she didn't hit the wall that hard. I just held her between my hand and the rest of my body as my cock impaled her over and over again. My hips rocked as my glutes clenched. I could feel my pants starting to slide off, but I didn't care. I just let them fall around my ankles as I kept moving inside of her.

It wasn't enough. It felt like it would never be enough.

I tried not to think of my father's hand in hers, or his arm around her waist as they danced. I forced thoughts of his voice in my head away as I plunged into Bella's body – my temple, my salvation.

"Fucking perfect," I panted into her ear. "That's what you are. God…Bella…"

I didn't stop or slow down. If anything, I picked up the pace a little. Bella's hands gripped my shoulders as she just held on tightly. Her heels pressed against my lower back, and her legs gripped my waist. I leaned back and looked down to where we were joined, watched my cock move in and out of her, and wondered if anything could be better than this.

"Touch yourself!" I told her. "Reach down there and rub that clit."

Bella hesitated slightly.

"Do it!" I snapped. "I want to feel you come on me."

Bella whimpered as she let her hand run down the buttons of my shirt until her fingers reached between our bodies. I watched her first two fingers begin to circle around and around.

"There ya go," I said. I leaned back a bit to give her better access and me a better view. I had to bend my knees a little more to ram into her from that angle, and it was a strain on my thighs, but I held steady and refused to alter the rhythm.

I could feel her tensing around me – her legs around my waist, her heels at my back, and her body clenching down on my cock.

"That's it – yeah, baby…"

"Ugh!" she cried out as her fingers moved faster, then pressed down. Her legs shook around me, and her head dropped to my shoulder.

I leaned forward, bringing my chest to hers as I began to thrust into her as hard as I could. I could feel it building in my legs and my balls as I bottomed out, making her body jump each time.

"You're mine," I growled into her ear as I slammed into her again. "Only mine…"

"Yes," she whispered back to me, and her arms moved around to hold my head to her shoulder as I screamed against her skin and thrust deep into her, holding my body flush to hers as I emptied into her.

I sank to the floor on my knees, taking her with me. My breath warmed her skin as I panted. I realized my body was shaking a little, and I couldn't understand why. Images of Bella being held by my father kept flashing through my mind and trying to drive me insane.

"What did he say to you?" I asked quietly.

"Who?"

"My father."

"Oh," Bella replied. Her hands tightened around in my hair.

"Tell me," I demanded…or asked…or pleaded.

"He didn't say much," she said. "He didn't have much of a chance. He said you looked happy, and he was glad for that. He asked me if you were doing well – if you were really happy or just putting on a show for the sake of the event."

"What did you tell him?"

"I said we were happy together," she responded.

I swallowed hard. I was glad I was already on the floor, because I thought my legs might have given out on me otherwise. Bella's hand ran up the back of my head, fanning my hair out.

"Was that okay?" she asked. "I mean…I didn't really say anything to him."

"It's okay," I murmured back.

A long pause followed, but I still couldn't manage to get my breath back. With forced determination, I counted my breaths instead. Anything to keep myself from thinking, considering, or remembering.

"Come on," Bella said quietly. Her fingers ran up the sides of my head. "Let's get into bed."

My head swam as I backed away to allow her to stand up. Her hands grabbed mine and steadied me as I stood beside her, yanked up my pants just enough to allow me to walk, and followed her into the bedroom.

"Sit," she said, still using the same quiet voice. I sat on the edge of the bed as she removed my shoes, pulled my pants off, and started unbuttoning my shirt.

"I can do that." I looked into her eyes but didn't move to stop her or anything. Bella just smiled as she continued slipping buttons through their holes. She deposited the cufflinks on the nightstand and pushed the shirt off my shoulders.

I took a long look at the plywood and cinderblock nightstand and the small, round, silver and diamond cufflinks sitting on top of it. I laughed once.

"What?" Bella asked. Her hands moved back up my arms and rested on my shoulders, close to my neck. Her thumbs reached up and rubbed the edge of my jaw.

"Nothing," I responded. "Just the ridiculousness of all of it."

"Hmm." She stared at me for a moment, her brow furrowed before commanding me to lie down. I complied as she quickly hung up my tux, then removed her dress and hung it up as well. I watched her move around the room, tidying things up before she climbed into bed with me. I moved close to her immediately, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against my chest.

"I'm sorry I was such an ass to you tonight," I said against her shoulder. I kissed her skin lightly. "I never should have let you go."

"It wasn't your decision," she reminded me. "Though if I hadn't gone, it wouldn't have happened."

I laughed once.

"It would have just found another way of happening," I contradicted.

"It would be a lot easier to understand if you would tell me," she said. I felt her arm finally wrap around the back of my neck and pull me closer.

I could only shake my head and sigh.

…

Life throws shit at you, no doubt about it. It's usually pretty unexpected, too. Sometimes it's something awesome, like a gift that came straight out of heaven or whatever.

Other times, not so much.

About a month after the wedding, my family had given up trying to contact me by phone again. There had been at least sixteen unreturned calls, and I had taken to just ignoring the telephone any time it rang. Bella seemed to think I should actually answer, but I refused to discuss it, and she had eventually given up.

Tuesday night I headed to the bar in a rush, because I was already supposed to have been there. It was challenge night, so anyone in the bar was welcome to get in the cage with me and see if they could manage to keep going for five minutes. I was supposed to be there early so they could check me out a little bit beforehand.

I groaned as I got half way there, reached into my jacket pocket, and came up with nothing. There weren't any smokes in my gym bag, either.

Ah well, I could always bum a few off Sam.

I nursed a cheap beer Jasper handed me. I wasn't really going to drink the shit, and he knew that. The idea was to make others think I might be a little tipsy, which would make them more likely to challenge me. I kept my shirt on, too, and spent most of the time sitting on a bar stool so people couldn't tell how tall I was.

By the time Tanya opened the cage, there were plenty of guys lined up for a fight. The first two went down without much trouble, but the third was a wiry thing who kept dodging away from me. I finally took him out with a roundhouse kick to the face, then landed on his chest with both knees. He tapped out and then had to be half carried out of the cage.

There weren't any more takers for a while.

"Ham it up a little, will ya?" Tanya sighed. "Get the crowd going."

I started growling and yelling at people through the cage and even climbed most of the way up the side to yell down at people – taunting, challenging, and verbally emasculating. As I was up there, a bouncing mahogany ponytail caught my attention.

Bella was up near the edge of the bar. She gave me a half smile and a little wave as I looked at her quizzically. She never came to watch me fight, so it was weird to see her there. My heart beat a little faster as I considered maybe she had changed her mind and she was going to watch me work. Jasper approached her and reached across the bar to shake her hand. He glanced up to me, gave me a little wink, and then handed her some fruity daiquiri or something in a plastic cup.

I glanced around, wondering if I had time to take a little break and go talk to her for a few minutes. Jasper had gone to help some other customers, and I couldn't catch his eye again. I looked around until I found Tanya, but she was already hauling someone up to the cage for me to fight.

"We've got another challenger!" Tanya yelled from the center of the bar.

I craned my neck to see her walking through the crowd with a guy behind her. She dragged him through like a child would get dragged through the grocery store by an impatient parent. With the crowd all over the place, I couldn't get a good look at the guy until he discarded his shirt on a table outside the cage. Tanya pulled him up the stone steps and opened the door to push him inside.

The man who walked up had long, black hair pulled back in a pony tail and thick, square shoulders. He was big – both tall and broad, but didn't hold himself like a fighter. He was young – much younger than me, and he glared at me not with challenge, but with hatred.

Jacob Black.

In the cage.

With me.

I was never one talk to God, but I felt like a prayer had been answered.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Ooooo...evil, evil cliffie beeeyotch... I know - this was a short one. Sorry about that, but vacation calls. :) I shall try to make up for it with next week's chapter, which is going to be a doozy! See you then!

I can put up with name calling and other crap while in a fight, but no one better tell me to shut up and expect it to happen. In jest, I don't care, but to really say that to me and mean it? I don't think so. Mr. Savage did that once very early in our marriage. Never again. (Expecting 500 messages telling me to shut up now, LOL!)

More next week!


	21. Pay the Price

******Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

We had a wonderful time at Disney! Thanks for all the well-wishes!

Okay, I'm not going to bore you with a bunch of my babble. You just hang on tight, okay? I'll see ya at the end!

Thanks to DK and Deeper Water for all they do! :)

**"I'm up in her three times a day, you know."**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Pay the Price**

I wanted to dance and sing but settled for laughing my ass off instead.

"You think you're going to prove something?" I asked him as he walked through the entrance and stood on the opposite side of the cage.

"Just going to give Bella a little lesson," the idiot replied. He reached up high like he was stretching out his arms or something. Like that was going to help.

I laughed again.

"In what?" I asked. "How to watch the ex get his ass kicked? You're going to be demonstrating that for everyone here!"

I waved my arm around in a big, dramatic arc.

"Oh you never know what kind of surprises I might have," Jake smirked. "You're just an overgrown paleface with no regard for what's important. I'm going to show her that, and later on tonight – when all this is over – she's going to walk out of here with me."

"You aren't walking out of here," I snickered before I slid my mouth guard into place.

Tanya walked up and did the usual overplayed performance of checking us both over. I was in my fighting trunks, while he was in a pair of jeans. Less maneuverability, more bulk, and generally a bad idea. Fucking amateur.

Actually, not even that. Amateurs know something about what they're doing. This douche was clueless. Tanya handed him his own mouth guard, which he initially tried to refuse, but she made him take it. She collected his shoes and socks and placed them with his shirt outside the cage.

Showtime.

Usually with challenge nights, I dove right in and took people out pretty quick. I'd give just enough show to make other people think maybe they had a chance, but not much more. Challenges were considered winners if they went more than five minutes in the cage without tapping out.

I fully intended to "lose" as far as time went. I was going to drag this fight out as long as I could, and I was going to enjoy every last minute of it. By the time this was over, his own family wasn't going to be able to pick him out of _Summer's Eve_ lineup.

I started slowly walking around the cage, watching him watch me.

He came at me first with heat and pride, but I stepped to the side and watched him fly past. I grinned behind the mouth guard, crossed my fists in front of my chest, and waited again. I danced back and forth on the balls of my feet as he attacked again.

This time when I stepped to the side at the last second, I raised a foot and kicked him in the back. He stumbled but didn't quite fall. If looks could have killed I would have been in a lot more trouble, but as it was, the main danger was laughing too hard.

I let him come at me a couple more time before I turned and jumped at him. He literally had no idea what hit him as I slammed fists into his gut and chest, and then flipped him around and nailed him in the lower back. He twisted and turned to get away from me, and I let him run to the edge of the cage, panting.

The crowd was screaming so loud, I could hardly hear anything but the yelling. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew Bella's voice was among them, but I didn't let myself think about it. Thinking about her would have been distracting, and I didn't want anything to distract me from beating the shit out of this douche bag.

I raised my hand up and curled my fingers back towards myself, beckoning him.

He ran for me, stopped quickly, and tried to fake to one side. I grabbed his elbow and wrenched it backwards. With his arm twisted behind him, I kicked the back of his knee and dropped down to the floor with him below me. I punched twice with my free hand – once in his back and once in the side of his face. He went a limp, but I knew he wasn't out yet when he shook his head a little. I leaned back, flipped his stunned ass over, and knocked his head against the ground. I spit my mouth guard out to the side.

"You fucking pup," I snarled in his ear. I slammed the back of his head against the floor of the cage again. "You have no idea how to play with the men – just like you had no idea how to play with a woman!"

His eyes widened and then narrowed as his struggles increased without effect.

I laughed again, flipped him over onto his face, and kidney punched him a couple of times. I held him down to the ground, but he still wouldn't tap out, which worked just fine for me. I leaned over close to his ear again.

"You couldn't even figure out how to get it in her, could you?" I laughed. "Poor little pup doesn't know what to do with it, but I do. I'm up in her three times a day, you know. Can't get enough of that pussy – it feels so good…"

His shoulders bucked against me, and his legs kicked out ineffectively as I kept laughing and snarling into his ear.

"I love filling her with come. And she loves taking all I give her!"

I smashed his face down once more before getting off of him and watching him crawl towards the edge of the cage. One of his buddies was over there – past the area where spectators were supposed to be to watch the fights, but I didn't think anything of it. I couldn't remember the guy's name, but it was one of the unusual ones. Embry or Quil or something. He dropped down to the bottom of the cage like he was encouraging Jacob, but to keep going or tap out, I didn't know.

I danced around on the other side of the cage while he pulled himself back up. Right before he was about to turn around, I kicked him in the back of the knee, sending him down again with a sharp snapping sound. The crowd roared – some groaning like they knew what that felt like, but most just cheering.

Jacob dropped down and then pulled himself up using the edge of the cage next to his buddy. He could barely stand at this point, and I raised my hands up and did a quick spin in a circle.

"Evil Eye! Evil Eye!"

"You bet your fucking ass!" I yelled back at them.

I turned back to Jacob, who had managed to gain his feet again. He took a step towards me, but he was off balance. One of his eyes was pretty much swollen shut, and he couldn't have had any depth perception anymore. I moved to one side and reached out to grab his shoulder and take him down. As my hands gripped his upper arm, his other hand moved in quickly.

At first, I barely felt it. It was just a little touch to my side that didn't feel like a punch. It was smoother and colder than knuckles.

It also went deeper.

I could hear a lot of screaming coming from all around the cage, but my focus was on the self-satisfied look on Jacob Black's battered face as he yanked the mouth guard from around his teeth.

"Fuck you," he sneered.

My eyes followed his arm down to his hand, which was clenched into a fist around an object, which was shoved up against my side. He shifted, and his hand moved up slightly. The pain that ripped through my torso was unbelievable as blood poured out of the opening in my skin. He stepped back, and a slender silver blade pulled out of my side.

Despite the spinning in my head and the sudden taste of blood in the back of my throat, I stayed upright. Jacob Black was still in front of me with a half-crazed look in his single open eye and a bloodied knife in his hand. Everything around me seemed to slow down, including the gasping and screaming from the crowd. The sound was deep and long – like I was hearing it from across a lake or from the other side of a hill.

I realized the fucker had just stabbed me.

I should have just been shocked and horrified for a dozen reasons. One, how the fuck did he get the thing into the cage? Tanya searches everyone who comes in – even me. Two, how fucking stupid could he be, stabbing me in front of a hundred witnesses?

I wasn't shocked, though – I was just pissed.

"Motherfucker!" I yelled out as I reached forward, grabbed him by the head, and slammed his face down on my knee. His nose exploded in a shower of blood and a scream, but I didn't stop.

I threw him backwards, and he bounced off the chain links and right back to me. With one hand, I did something I had always refused to do in the past, but no longer cared – I grabbed him by the hair, yanked him down until his back was across my bent knee, held him in place by his pony tail, and just started pounding on his face.

A strange tearing sound came from my side, and another sharp pain reverberated through my skin. I stumbled for a moment, and Jacob dropped to his back in front of me. I kicked him solidly right in the middle of the face, and he flew against the edge of the cage. I slipped in blood then, stumbled a bit before regaining my balance, and then started towards him again.

I was going to kill the douche bag – just like I wanted to the first day I laid eyes on him.

"Stop, Edward!" Tanya's voice commanded. I felt her hands wrap around my bicep and yank me backwards. That's where her hands were joined by Sam and Paul's, and the three of them hauled me away from the mess on the floor of the cage.

"Motherfucker stabbed me!" I told her as I stumbled back. I shoved at their hands to get them off of me. He was crawling on the ground in a useless circle.

"No shit," she responded. "Edward – you're bleeding all over the place."

"I am?"

My knees gave out, and I fell heavily on the cement ramp.

"Holy shit," Paul gasped as he grabbed hold of me just before my head hit the ground.

"I can't deal with this," Tanya said. Her voice was perfectly calm in a no-nonsense, professional way that scared me a bit. "Paul – lay him down gently, tell Jasper to call 911, and bring me all the clean towels in the kitchen. Sam – hold him down."

I tried to tell them I didn't need help, but when I opened my mouth, I coughed up blood. My vision blurred, the lights of the bar brightened, and lots and lots of voices filled my ears. It was a strange sound – like having two conch shells held against my ears. Only one voice managed to cut through the rest of the noise and make sense at all.

"Edward! Edward! Oh my God!" Bella's voice echoed around the ceiling of the bar. I turned my head to try and see her, but that just made me nauseous.

"Stay still!" Tanya huffed as she placed her hand on my chest. "There's an ambulance on the way."

I wanted to ask her why she wasn't just driving me herself, but words were a little hard to form. My lips were all sticky and not moving right. My tongue felt weird, and my skin felt like there were little bugs crawling all over it. Paul handed Tanya a bunch of towels, and she pressed them against my side.

Gasping, I flinched back and then sat up part way as I tried to shove Tanya off of me. Everything went blurry and swimmy again as I felt heavy arms push me back against the floor and soft hands cradle my face.

"Bella."

"I'm right here," she said. I turned towards the sound and finally found her dark eyes hovering up above me. I wondered what she had been doing at _Feet First_ and if she could have picked a worse night to show up. If she hadn't already hated the fighting, tonight would pretty much cinch it up.

Her eyes disappeared, and I heard another voice.

"Don't you see?" Jacob Black was saying. Someone was helping him out of the cage. "This kind of thing happens all the time! You want a life like this?"

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" she yelled at him. "What did you do?"

"I'm showing you what he's like!" Jake screamed back. "He could die on you at any time! He might die tonight! Is that how you want to live your life? Just waiting for someone to hit him hard enough to kill off the rest of his brain cells?"

He tried to reach out for her, but she flinched away.

"Get away from me!"

"Motherfucking douche!" I tried to yell and sit up, but Sam and Paul were still holding me down.

"I'll get him if you stay still," Sam informed me. I nodded, and the pressure of his hands left my skin. I couldn't see what was happening anymore as my vision blurred and blacked out for a minute.

When I could focus again, Bella was back in my view. Her face was covered in bright red and blue flashing lights and she was talking to some guy in a uniform jacket. The air around me was cool, and I wasn't on the ground any more.

"Fucker stabbed me," I mumbled as I looked around to try to get my bearings.

"I know, baby," Bella said. I felt her fingers tighten on my right hand. "Sam got him. They're loading him into the other ambulance."

Bella's other hand ran over the side of my face. I managed to focus on her just enough to see the tears in her eyes. I wanted to reach up and wipe them away, but I couldn't move my arm. There was something holding me down.

Another face flashed into my head – the guy at the edge of the cage.

"There was another dude," I tried to say, but words weren't coming out again – just more blood – and everything went dark.

...

I was roused from a bizarre dream about placing fruit in geometric patterns all over Bella's naked body. Though I was awake, I couldn't seem to open my eyes or anything. I could hear voices around me, but the sounds were muted. The only thing that made me feel at all connected to what was happening around me were the small, soft fingers running continuously up and down my forearm.

"Are you sure?"

"It can take time."

"But how long?"

"Everyone is different."

My hand was itchy. There was also an itchy spot just above where the soft fingers ended their continuous journey around on my skin. Just under my nose definitely had an itch. I wanted to scratch at them all, but my limbs weren't responding any more than my eyelids.

More murmured voices filled my head, but they were too mixed up to make any sense to me. I tuned them out along with the rest of the world, but they kept coming back. My throat was dry, and the itching on my hand, arm, and nose was driving me nuts. At least the voices I was hearing cleared up.

"…so, if you wanted to just maybe open your eyes or squeeze my hand or something, I'd kind of appreciate it."

_Bella._

I tried to swallow, but nothing happened.

"No change?" It was Tanya's voice.

"Well, they stopped arguing with me about being in the room at least," Bella replied. "That's a change."

"Oh yeah, how did you manage that?"

"I…um…" Bella's voice trailed off. "I called someone who had a little more authority."

"Ah shit," Tanya said. "That isn't going to go over well."

"It was necessary," Bella replied. "I don't want him to wake up alone."

There were fingers on my hand, running slowly back and forth over my knuckles before wrapping around my hand and squeezing gently.

"Are they going to show up?" Tanya asked.

My fingers tightened a little on Bella's hand.

"Edward? Can you hear me?" Bella said quickly.

I felt my arm rise as both her hands wrapped around it. My throat clenched, but I still couldn't swallow, so I tried blinking instead. Everything was blurry and really, really bright. The pounding in the back of my head increased.

"Squeeze my hand again?"

I ran my thumb over the edge of her hand and tried to focus on her eyes.

"He's still doped up," Tanya said. "That could work in your favor if one of them shows up."

"Hush!" Bella hissed. "Edward? Can you talk to me?"

"Who…?" I breathed, but couldn't make much more of a sound. Tanya was suddenly in my view, sticking a little paper straw in my mouth and ordering me to drink. The water helped, and I managed to get out the entire question. "Who's showing up?"

The two of them glance at each other, but neither seemed inclined to speak. That's when a guy in a white coat walked in, smiled at both of the girls, and then took my wrist from Bella and counted heart beats or something.

"Who the fuck are you?" I mumbled. It hurt my throat to talk so much, but Tanya was right there with the water again.

"I _the fuck _am Doctor Banner," he replied without hesitation. "You _the fuck_ are my patient. Now hang on a second while I take your vitals and check out my sewing."

"Sewing?"

"You were stabbed, hotshot," Tanya reminded me. "It's gonna scar."

"Ah, fuck!" I tried to turn to the side to see it, but the pain that ran up my side when I moved just about knocked me out again. I groaned. "How bad a scar?"

"You might want to be still," Doctor Banner stated. "I'll get you set up with a morphine drip to help you sleep."

"No morphine," "Tanya said. "Ex-junkie."

"Ah, well – something a little more tame then, hmm?"

"Fuck you," I growled at Tanya.

Bella giggled a little.

"What's funny?" I asked.

"Nothing at all," she replied as she took my hand back from the doctor. "It's just good to hear the F-Bombs flowing – it tells me you're okay."

"I'm fine," I said as I forced myself to swallow a couple of times. I reached up to scratch my nose and found one of those oxygen things taped to me. No wonder I was itching. The IV drip and some little needle thing were also shoved in my arm and hand. "Just get me checked out so we can go home."

"Not just yet," Doctor Banner said. "Major surgery is not outpatient. I'm going to want to keep an eye on you for a day or so."

"Nah, that's all right," I replied. "Just give me a list of _dos and don'ts, _and I'll be fine."

"I repaired a hole in your stomach a few hours ago," the doctor said. "You're staying until I say you can go."

"Look, Doc," I said as I tried to get myself a little more upright. Both Tanya and Bella placed hands on my shoulders to keep me from going anywhere. "Two things – one, I'm a shitty patient you don't want in your hospital. Two, you guys like to get paid. I don't have insurance or money, so let's not kid ourselves."

The doctor glanced from me to Bella.

"All the costs are covered," he said. "You are Edward Cullen, correct? Or did I sew up the wrong guy?"

A shiver went down my body. I looked up at Bella, and I didn't like the expression on her face at all.

"I had to call them," she said quietly.

I pulled my hand away from her.

"Either way," Doctor Banner continued as I glared at my girlfriend, "this wasn't exactly elective surgery. With or without the means to pay up, you'd be staying."

I ignored him and looked pointedly at Bella.

"They wouldn't let me in the room," Bella explained. "They said roommates and girlfriends didn't count, and the only people allowed in were family. I had to call someone."

"Who did you talk to?"

"Aro," she said. "His phone number was the only one I had. He called your father."

"Fuck a duck," I muttered. I looked away from her and tried not to let the word _traitor_ spend too much time in my head. Aro would have told others, no doubt. I wanted to argue about staying, but was feeling weak enough that I knew I wasn't going to win the battle. I looked up at Tanya.

"He stabbed me," I said. "That fucker got a knife from the guy outside the cage."

"Outside?" Tanya repeated. "What do you mean?"

"One of his cronies," I told her. "I met him in Forks, but I don't remember who it was."

"Quil was there," Bella said. "I saw him when Jacob first came in."

She turned to Tanya.

"You didn't miss anything – Quil had it."

Tanya looked down at the ground and scowled. I realized she must have been blaming herself for not checking him closely enough.

"He went up to the other dude," I told her. "He reached outside the cage – I saw it. That had to have been when he got the knife. Where is the fucker now?"

"In this hospital," Bella said, "but he has two police officers outside his room. He's actually in worse shape than you. I haven't seen Quil, though."

What was he doing there?" I asked Bella. "Did you bring him there?"

"Of course not," Bella said with a bit of a growl. "I do wonder if he followed me, though. Maybe it was just a coincidence."

"Why were you there? You never come to watch me fight."

"You left your cigarettes," she said. "I saw the pack on the nightstand, and you were saying it was your last one earlier on. I knew you were running late and wouldn't have had time to buy more. I thought I'd bring them to you."

"You walked there on your own, didn't you?" I realized. "Just to bring me fucking cigarettes?"

"It was still light out," she said with a shrug.

I wanted to lay into her for being stupid for a stupid reason, but even the short conversation had worn me out. I lay my head back against the pillow and let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"The cops are gonna want to talk to you," Tanya said. "They're charging him with attempted murder."

"Not until tomorrow," Doctor Banner said. "Edward needs to sleep now."

He started fucking around with the IV, and my head started feeling heavy again.

"Bella," I mumbled.

"I'm here," she replied.

"Don't walk by yourself," I muttered. "I can't lose you."

"You won't, baby," she said.

I felt her fingers running over my arm again before everything went dark.

…

"You should get some food and rest."

"I'm not leaving him until he wakes up."

"Bella, the nurse said you've been here the whole time – you need to rest so you can be strong for him later. I'll sit with him a while."

"He's the strong one," Bella said. Her voice echoed around in my head, and I wanted to answer her, but everything was still fuzzy in my head. "See? I think he's waking up now."

I blinked a couple of times, but it took me a few minutes to focus on Bella and Tanya. They were both grinning at me.

"Good to see your eyes open," Tanya said. "The doc's been keeping you pretty out of it."

"How long?" I asked.

"It's late," Tanya said. "Almost midnight. You were brought in last night."

She brought over some water for me, which helped relax my dry throat so I could talk better. I tried to move the sheet to the side and get a better look at the bandages up the left side of my body, but Bella just fixed them back around me again.

"It was deep," Tanya said, "and you lost a lot of blood."

I watched Bella's hand as it came up and wiped across her cheek. My hand snuck out from under the blanket and grabbed onto her fingers.

"I'm okay," I told her. I had no fucking idea if that was true or not, but I didn't feel too bad.

"Nothing major cut too bad," Tanya continued. "There was a nick in your stomach and intestine, but they weren't too serious."

"They had to give you three transfusions," Bella said quietly.

I gripped her hand again.

"I'm okay," I said again. "My cock still works, so nothing to worry about."

Her lips smashed together as she tried to refuse me the justification of a laugh.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"I'm looking at you, baby," I said. "You want to check the state of my cock?"

"On that note…" Tanya grabbed her bag off the table near the door and waved goodbye, promising she'd be back to visit the next day. Bella sighed and sat heavily on the rolling chair near the bed, which I didn't like at all.

"Lay down with me?" I asked. I looked up at her with what I hoped were convincing and pathetic puppy dog eyes. I was glad Tanya wasn't around to see me because I felt shitty and all I really wanted was Bella to hold on to me.

Bella helped me move over without tearing out the line of staples and surgical tape lining my side and then crawled into the bed with me. I wrapped my arms around her, and she laid her hand over the top of my arm, just like she usually did when we were in bed at home. I watched her eyes go down to my side before she pulled the blanket up over us both.

"I'm not going to be as pretty anymore," I joked.

Bella looked up at me for a moment before giving me a half smile.

"Well, I did always like your abs," she commented. "But they aren't my favorite part."

"Of course not," I said. "Your favorite part is my cock."

"No it isn't!" Bella laughed.

"Oh yeah?"

"_Yeah_," she mocked back at me.

"Well, what then?"

Her finger traced a line over the edge of my bicep.

"Right here," she said quietly.

Her tone had changed – softened and deepened. I lay my head on her shoulder and looked up to her, flexed the muscles of my arm a bit and watched her smile.

"Why's that?" I asked.

She shrugged a little, and then moved her finger slowly back and forth over the edge of the muscle.

"They have the strength to keep me safe," she said. "They've saved me, protected me, and made me feel secure at night. But they are also soft and gentle with me."

Her fingers gripped my arm as I brought my hand up to cup her face. I brought her closer to me and covered her lips with mine. We kissed a couple of times before she moved her hand to my face and looked into my eyes.

"Please quit fighting," she whispered.

My chest tightened up.

"Bella…"

"You could have died," she said. "I heard them say if Tanya hadn't done everything she did while we were waiting for the ambulance you could have died from the blood loss."

"I didn't," I told her.

"Not the point."

"You just said you like my strength," I reminded her.

"That doesn't mean I like the fighting."

For a long moment we just looked at each other, neither of us wanting to budge.

"It's not going to happen, Bella," I said quietly. "It's what I do. It's all I do. Maybe someday, but not now."

"You could get hurt again," she said. "What am I going to do if something horrible happens to you?"

"I've been doing this a long time," I said. "This is the first time something like this has happened."

"Tanya said you got stabbed before."

"That was a scratch."

She eyed me with a tight mouth and a hard look. My hand moved to push her hair back away from her face, and then I ran my thumb over her cheekbone. Moving closer, I kissed her slowly and gently until the door opened up.

"I thought I told you nothing strenuous," the doctor said with a half smile and a raise of his eyebrow.

"I guess some people consider this strenuous," I replied with a shrug. "Maybe you need a little more practice or something. It's just like breathing to me."

"No more practice needed," he said. "I'm perfect already."

He didn't make Bella move or anything as he checked out my side, adjusted my IV, and generally fucked around with the equipment around my bed.

"You're doing well," he said.

"So I can go home now?"

"Soon," he replied.

"When's soon?" I asked.

"Before later," he said as he made a couple notes on the chart at the end of the bed and walked out.

"Asshole," I shot at him as he left.

"Child!" he called over his shoulder. "Gonna send you to Children's Hospital downtown!"

Bella sighed as she cuddled back into my side. She was still and quiet for some time, but I still knew exactly what she was thinking about. I wished I could tell her something different, but fighting was all I knew.

"I don't like it," she finally whispered into my chest.

"I know."

…

I was sick to death of the hospital and the cops.

There had been at least three different detectives who had come in to question me, Bella, and Tanya at different times. They talked to us separately, they talked to us together, and they asked the same fucking questions over and over again.

Quil had been arrested in a motel outside of the city. The room had been in Jacob's name and not too hard to locate. They took Bella down to the station to identify him and brought me pictures of a dozen Native Americans for me to look at. Jacob had been stabilized enough to move to a secure location until he could be formally charged.

Apparently, he had already confessed to stabbing me, though he said he wasn't trying to kill me. They said he was going to plead guilty to aggravated assault, and everything else was just going to be a formality.

According to Tanya, he told them he was trying to show Bella how dangerous my profession was in order to get her to leave me and come back with him. They were giving him a psyche evaluation as well, but they weren't expecting that to have much impact on his sentence.

I didn't give a shit what happened to him as long as he didn't cross my path again. If I saw him again, I'd probably kill him. He wasn't my main concern anymore anyway – food was.

Solid food was becoming an issue.

I was supposed to be eating it, but when Bella informed the hospital staff that I was a vegetarian, they brought me a Styrofoam plate with mashed potatoes and gravy, which obviously wasn't vegetarian, a cup of yogurt with gelatin in it, which I wouldn't eat, and some rice which Bella found out had been cooked in chicken broth.

She said a few choice words to the orderly, and then disappeared out the door claiming she'd find me something in the cafeteria. She was gone a long time, and as I was about to decide she had disappeared all together, my doctor waltzed through the door to check on me.

"How's my favorite side-splitting patient?" he asked.

"Just peachy, Doctor _Banter_." The nickname had come to me in the middle of the night when he was continuing to verbally spar with me while removing my catheter. Any man who could fiddle around with another man's bits and still joke about it deserved some sort of nickname. "Seen my lady around?"

"As a matter of fact, I have," he said. "She was down in the kitchen a while ago, arguing with the staff and yelling at the nutritionist. The last I heard, she was demanding a pan and a spatula so she could start cooking things herself. If security hasn't thrown her out, I suspect she's making your lunch now."

I laughed, which hurt quite a bit but wasn't as bad as it had been the day before.

"You're looking much better," the doctor said.

"Home yet?" I asked. "And if I don't get a decent answer this time, I might have to go find your Beemer and turn it into scrap metal."

"I drive a Lexus," he said. "And you're getting close. Either late tomorrow or Saturday morning at the latest, assuming I can trust you to take all the antibiotics I prescribe."

I bitched and groaned.

"Get over it, cry baby," he said with a grin. "Would you rather end up back here with an infection? Maybe I'll just give them to Bella. I bet she has her ways of getting you to comply."

"She'll have a lot better luck than you will," I agreed.

We went back and forth as he checked out some of my more minor injuries. They were the kinds of things I never really went to the hospital for anyway, and he was giving me lectures about infections and shit when someone appeared at the door. I looked up, expecting to see Bella, but it wasn't her.

Long, caramel colored hair framed the face of the woman in the doorway, and when I looked into her eyes, I saw my own brilliant green color staring back at me. My body stilled, my breathing increased, and I felt beads of sweat starting to form on the back of my neck as my mother – Esme Cullen – walked into my room.

"What…" It was the only word I could get out.

"Carlisle told me what happened," she said quietly. She offered a slight smile. "I stopped in to sign the paperwork, and I had to come and see that you were really okay. He thought maybe you would have told them not to let me in, but they didn't say anything about it."

My brain felt hot. I was looking right at her, but I couldn't focus on what I was seeing. Instead, all I saw were flashes from inside my mind, starting from my childhood and working their way through the years. I had to make them stop before they got too far along.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I yelled. I grabbed at the IV in my arm, ripped it out, and started to get out of the bed. Banner was there at my side, and he quickly placed his hands on my shoulders and tried to move me back.

"Whoa!" he said. "None of that now!"

"Edward, you're still my son!" she said.

"Bullshit!" I cried back. I pushed back on Banner as I tried to get out of the bed. He held me back, but he wasn't going to be enough.

"Edward – you gotta calm down," he said. "I'm not going to let you rip out those stitches. Don't make me call security!"

"You are not my mother!" I continued to yell. "You don't get to call me that!"

"I never stopped being your mother!"

"You did!" Everything in my body tightened. I felt like I could quite literally actually explode all over the room with bits of me ending up on the walls and the ceiling. My chest was so tight, I couldn't breathe right, and I struggled to get air into my lungs. "You gave all that up!"

"I never gave up on you!" she insisted.

"He threw me out, and _you let him_!"

Doctor Banner was trying to get a word in, but it just wasn't working out. I saw him hit the little panic button or whatever on the edge of the bed, but I didn't care.

"I thought you would come back in a few hours!" she cried. "And then when we heard…"

"Shut up!" I screamed. "Don't say a fucking word!"

"Edward?" Bella's head appeared in the doorway. She walked in slowly as she glanced from me to my mother. Her eyes widened in understanding as my mother tried to talk to me again.

"I didn't want you to go!" my mother insisted.

"You didn't fucking care what happened to me!" I snarled back at her.

"You were just gone! You were gone, and we couldn't find you anywhere!"

Bella dropped the tray she had in her hands on a table near the door and rushed over to the bed. I hadn't realized how much I was shaking until her hands gripped my arms. There was so much noise in the room and in my ears that it overwhelmed me, and I couldn't even understand what was happening any more. I just knew I wanted my mother out of there.

"Calm down," Bella said quietly.

"Get her out of here!" I screamed.

"Edward, I'm going to have to sedate you if you don't-"

"Get out! Get out!"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, but you are going to have to leave. I can't have Edward this upset – it will affect his recovery, and…"

"I'll go," she replied softly, her voice cracking as she spoke. "We weren't trying to hurt you, Edward. We were only trying to protect you."

The scream was completely incomprehensible, and I didn't even realize it was coming from me at first. Bella was suddenly in the bed with me, straddling my thighs and trying to push me backwards.

"Shh…shh…shh…"

Two men in light blue uniforms were at the door, and my mother was turning to go. I refused to watch as she walked out with security right behind her. I was pretty much spending all my energy trying to breathe right and not actually wreck the entire hospital room, which was likely going to lead me right back into surgery.

Banner was beside the bed, and his hand gripped my wrist for a moment before he dropped it back down. I reached out and pulled Bella against me, feeling myself calm in her presence and her scent. After several minutes, I could breathe right again.

"So how long have you been dealing with the PTSD?" Doctor Banner asked.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I growled back.

"I might be a hospital surgeon now," he told me, "but I was a medic in Desert Storm, and I know what Post Traumatic Stress looks like, Edward. How long?"

"Fuck off!"

"Edward, you can't just-"

"Enough!" Bella snapped back at him. "Just leave him alone, all right? Now is obviously not the right time!"

She turned her body into mine, placing herself between me and the doctor. I felt her arms tighten around me as she lay down by my side and took my face between her hands.

"You have a good thing there," Doctor Banner told me as he nodded towards Bella. "If you don't do something to get over whatever happened to you, you are going to fuck it up. You let me know when you want to talk about it."

"Fuck you," I said again, but all my words had lost their bite. I leaned heavily against Bella as she wrapped her arms around my head. Doctor Banner left the room and closed the door behind him. A while later Bella brought over the rice and stir fry she had made. The vegetables had obviously come out of a can, but it was still a whole lot better than what the hospital had brought me before.

It probably took a couple hours, but I managed to completely push my mother's impromptu visit out of my head.

…

"Are you sure you can make it up the stairs?"

"I'm fine," I muttered, not completely convinced it was true. I wondered how in the hell the landlord got away with not having an elevator in the building. I let her support my side as I hobbled up the steps and into the apartment.

Getting into my own bed felt awesome, but more than anything I was just glad to be home. Bella propped up pillows and made me Swedish Bean Balls for dinner, which she served to me in bed. I pretended to complain about it, but I loved every second of her fussing over me.

"I could kill Banner," I muttered as I watched her backside move around as she collected the dishes and such from the bed and nightstand.

"Why's that?" she asked. "I thought you two got along great."

"Whatever," I shrugged. We had, actually, but I wasn't going to let on about it. "His little ongoing list of shit to do and not do…asshole."

"Why?" Bella asked. "What did he say?"

I looked at her and then towards the window. I really wanted to go out for a smoke – I hadn't had one since before I went into the hospital. Glancing back at Bella, I smiled sheepishly.

"He said no sex," I told her.

"Oh," she replied as she looked away from me. "Um…for how long?"

"Until after my next checkup," I told her. "Two weeks."

Bella sat on the edge of the bed and fiddled with her fingers in her lap.

"It's because…you know…the thrusting and shit. Might do some damage or whatever. I'm not supposed to move like that."

"Right," she said quietly as she continued to play thumb-wars with herself. A minute later she looked up at me quizzically. "What did he say exactly?"

"No intercourse until he cleared me at my next visit," I quoted.

"No intercourse?"

"Right."

"So…well…what about…you know…other stuff?"

"Other stuff?"

Her tongue came out and flicked over her lips as her hand reached over to my thigh. She moved it slowly up until her fingers traced the edge of my dick.

"There was something I kind of wanted to try," she explained softly.

"There is?" Apparently all I could do was blather in short questions. My body was starting to feel warm all over

"I would think that as long as you were lying still, it would be okay, wouldn't it?"

I swallowed hard as my cock took very close notice of just what was being said. I nodded once, and Bella got a sly smile on her face as she pulled back the blanket.

"Stay still," she commanded.

All I could do was stare as she quickly pulled down my sweats and freed my cock. Her hand wrapped around the base as she knelt down next to my legs and stroked me once. Her tongue moistened her lips once more as she started to move closer.

Like some chivalrous knight or something, I had to say something.

"You…you don't have to do that, you know." I forced another lump down my throat, trying to figure out why I had to go and say something that stupid.

"I know," she said. She looked up at me through her lashes, and I nearly just came on her hand. "I want to."

"Fuck me, Bella…Christ…"

She smiled and turned her head back down, leaned in, and took the end of my dick in her mouth. My body tensed at the wet warmth of her lips, mouth, and tongue as she took me in, and I let out a long groan. She backed off me entirely, and I could have cried.

"Stay still!" she told me again. "If you move around, I'll stop."

"God, no," I heard myself beg.

Her tongue ran along the head, and all I could do was moan as she smiled with self satisfaction. She positioned herself more comfortably, then slowly wrapped her lips around my cock and sucked until half of my length disappeared in her mouth.

"Oh yeah," I groaned, and she looked up at me through those long lashes, backed off, and kissed the head of my cock while she looked in my eyes.

I felt like a god. An injured god, but a god all the same.

Her lips surrounded me again, and she leaned over to take as much of me in her mouth as she could. I felt the head of my dick brush against the back of her throat briefly before she backed off, blinked a couple of times, and then tried again. She gagged a couple of times, but never stopped – she just kept working on it until she seemed to figure out her limit.

It was fucking fine as far as I was concerned.

She was getting maybe two thirds of my cock in her mouth as she went down deep, and it felt so good I was having trouble not grabbing her head and thrusting into her mouth a few times. I was quite sure she meant what she said, though – and I kept myself as still as possible. I didn't even dare reach up and put my hand on the side of her face.

"You look so good with my cock in your mouth," I told her. "Fuck, that's beautiful…baby…damn…"

With the hospital stay, it had been days since my cock had been near her. That combined with the warm wetness of her mouth and her hollowed out cheeks was more than I could take. It wasn't long before I was fighting to keep my hips against the mattress.

"Fuck…Bella…baby, I'm gonna come…"

Her eyes met mine briefly, but she didn't stop. If anything, she sucked harder. I didn't have a chance to warn her again.

"Oh fuck…oh God, Bella…"

My fists dug into the sheets next to my legs as I clenched my teeth and release into the back of her throat. Bella backed up almost immediately, coughed a bit, and then looked up at me with wide eyes.

I couldn't figure out anything from her expression. It could have been anything from shock and surprise to disgust, horror, or exuberance. My heart felt like it stopped in my chest while I waited a moment to see if she was going to give me some sort of sign. When she didn't, I was just about certain it was the last blowjob I was ever going to get.

"You okay?" I asked cautiously.

She nodded once, but it wasn't convincing. I reached out and took her hand in mine, then pulled her up to me. She placed her opposite hand against the mattress for balance as she crawled up the bed and lay down beside me.

"So, ah…" I fumbled around trying to figure out what I was supposed to say at this point. "What did you think?"

"I heard it…well…that it tasted pretty gross," she told me.

"Who told you that?"

"Maggie," she said. "Leah, too."

I figured as much.

"Don't worry about it, baby," I said. "I told you before you don't ever have to do anything you don't like."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"Well, if you think it's gross…" I really had no idea what else to say.

"Oh no!" Bella laughed. "It wasn't that bad at all!"

My heart started again, and I was fairly sure there was a God.

…

It was a few weeks before I could get back into a daily routine of working out and preparing to fight again. Jasper had been in a pretty generous mood – either that or he was afraid he might get sued for negligence or something – and let me make a few bucks helping him out with the bar. It wasn't as much as I had made fighting, but it worked out in the short term.

Bella bugged me to convince Jasper to let it be permanent, but he never would have gone for it. Even if he did, I had no intention of changing careers. She had brought it up a couple of times since the hospital, but I usually shut down the conversation quickly. We had reached an impasse, and it wasn't going to do any good for either of us to harp on it.

I couldn't wait to get back in the cage. Not having anyone to punch for so long was driving me nuts. It was almost as bad as the time Bella and I were sleeping in the same bed together while my cock threatened to shrivel up and fall off due to lack of use.

"You're nearly there," Tanya said as I stepped up on the scale.

I had lost fifteen pounds while in the hospital but was back up to one ninety five again. Tanya was finally letting me do some abdominal work again as well after Doctor Banter okayed it. After my next appointment I was pretty sure I would be cleared to fight again. Honestly, I felt great – better than I had in years, despite the eight inch scar down my side. I just needed to get my muscle weight back up.

Deciding to walk home from the gym instead of taking the bus, I grinned to myself as the sunshine peeked out from between buildings. Though my side was a little sore from working out, it didn't feel any worse than it might have if I just skipped the gym for a few days. Finishing up my cigarette, I tossed the butt into the street and gave Crazy Alice a wave. She ignored me, so I went inside and headed up the steps with a smile on my face, glad to know I'd be getting back to real work soon and would be able to get caught back up on bills and shit. Maybe I could start saving up a little extra so I could take Bella out again.

I slipped the key into the lock, shoved open the door, and stopped in my tracks.

Bella was on the couch, which was expected. However, she didn't have her nose down in a book or a notepad, and she wasn't watching television or anything like she did when her studying was done for the day. She didn't have her typical glass of apple juice on the table, and she wasn't relaxed against the cushions. She was just sitting there on the edge of the couch with wide, unsure eyes and her bottom lip clamped in her teeth.

Bella?" I said cautiously. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes darted up to me. They held anxiety, fear, and trepidation. She looked away, then back to me, then seemed to look all around the room for a minute. A shiver ran through her, and her hands clasped together in her lap. She looked down to them as she finally spoke.

"The health center called me today," Bella said. "There was a…um…a recall."

"A recall?"

"On the pills I've been taking."

"Pills?"

"Birth control pills."

My forehead creased as I tried to figure out what she was saying.

"Recall?" I repeated like a total moron.

"There was a bad batch," Bella said quietly. "They weren't effective."

I shook my head to clear it and tried to put together what she was saying.

"That doesn't make any sense," I said. "We fuck all the time. If they were ineffective, then you'd be…you'd be…"

I couldn't say the word. Instead, I watched in silence as Bella's hand moved slowly towards an object on the coffee table, and my eyes followed. The object was shaped like a big, fat, plastic pen with a hole in the center of it. In the center of the hole there was a small, pink plus sign.

I was never one to panic, but some circumstances just called for it.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Uh oh.

So how do you think he's going to take this news? Stop by the Caged reading group to discuss! Link is on my profile page!**  
**

For the next chapter I will try not to be so cliffie-ish, but will likely fail. See you next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	22. Do the Worst

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Sorry for the delay - lifer and crap. At least it s a long chapter!

There were a lot of comments about the different ways Edward is "caged" in this story – definitely stop by the reading group and share your thoughts!

Sorry about the lack of new names for the purse in the last chapter. I will endeavor to resolve that in the future, though at some point I just might run out of creativity!

This is long, and might hurt a bit. Hang in there.

**"I fucked up."**

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Do the Worst**

I couldn't even begin to describe what was going on in my head.

For some odd reason, I remembered the story of The Red Balloon from when I was a kid. Mom was always picking up every book that had won any kind of award for anything, and making sure she read it to me. What I had remembered most about it was asking why everything – the buildings, the clothes, the hairstyles – looked so weird, and Mom having to explain _The Seventies_ to me. My reaction to the story itself had been that the kid was a loon and that the Red Balloon was a symbol of his journey from sanity to insanity. The part when the bullies broke the balloon was just the end of his grasp on reality.

With my hand clenched into a fist, my mind tried to hold onto the little string tethering the big red Sanity Balloon in my head.

Along with the ridiculous mental imagery, I was bombarded with a hundred conflicting emotions. Part of me screamed that there was no way this could be happening – not again, and not to her. Pills didn't just fail to work, did they? And if they did, wouldn't the company have to fix it? And by fix it, I meant make it not happen in the first place. How could Bella have let this happen? Did she just forget to take them and was now making excuses?

I knew that wasn't true.

Once my head managed to grasp the idea that it had really happened, I knew how much danger Bella was in and that it was ultimately my fault for fucking her in the first place. I mean, she had been a virgin before I got all over her, and my chest tightened with the guilt of knowing this was all because of me and my dick.

Above all other feelings, there was fear.

Sheer-fucking-terror.

I couldn't let this happen. Not again. Not to her. I had been so sure everything would be perfectly fine the last time, and now I knew better. I knew what could happen to her because of that thing I put in her, and I wasn't going to allow it. Not this time. I was going to do what I should have done years ago.

My eyes finally moved from the pink plus sign back to Bella's eyes, which were red-rimmed, bloodshot, and tore right through me. I realized how scared she had to be about the whole thing and knew she had to be worrying about how much it would cost to take care of it. I wasn't really sure what the price would be, but I wasn't going to let her worry about that.

"We'll find the money," I said through a clenched throat. "I'll pick up a few extra fights or see if Jasper will keep letting me do a few things around the bar. I know they're pricy and whatever, but clinics have deals or options or something, so we'll take care of it."

"Take care of it?" she repeated. Her voice seemed dead, and it sent a chill up my spine. She had to be in total shock and was probably just minutes away from a total freak out. I had to make sure she knew I was going to take care of everything.

"We'll get rid of it," I said with a definitive nod. "I'll find the money – you don't have to worry about that. We'll get rid of it so it can't hurt you. Shit, the pharmaceutical company will probably pay us back."

"Hurt me?" she said in the same blank voice.

I walked quickly to the edge of the couch and dropped down in front of her. I picked her hands up out of her lap and looked into her eyes.

"I'd never let anything hurt you," I said to her. "You know that. We'll get this taken care of, I swear."

"What are you saying?" Her eyebrows came together as she looked from one of my eyes to the other. "Take care of…of _it_?"

"Of course," I replied. I tried to smile, though I really wanted to scream. I kept telling myself it was okay because it was early and we were going to have someone deal with it right away. "I bet Doctor Banner could help – I mean…I don't think it's really surgery, but-"

"You want to…to get rid of the baby?"

"I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you," I confirmed, ignoring the word _baby_. "Just put it all out of your mind, Bella. We'll go right now – I've got the money for the rent, and I'll just make sure I manage to make some more before the first of the month. We'll use that for now, though. I'll call Doctor Banner in a minute – I'm sure he knows where to go. Shit, there might even be a place that won't cost much at all. He can tell us, but you don't worry about it. I'll get you something to drink and make a few calls, then we'll be on our way and it will be like this never happened."

"Never happened?" Her voice was still distance and sounded confused.

"You'll be okay," I said again. "By this time tomorrow it will be like a bad dream."

"No," she said quietly.

"Yes," I said with a smile that I hoped seemed more genuine. "I'll take care of it all."

"You mean have a…have a…"

"You don't even have to say it," I told her. "I mean it – just put it all out of your mind, and I'll do everything. You can even lie down for a while, and I'll get it all worked out."

"No!" She stood and pushed my hands back away from her. "No, Edward! I'm not going to have an abortion!"

"They're really quick and easy now," I told her. I had no fucking idea what I was talking about, but I knew the alternative was a shitload longer and definitely not easy. An image of Bella on the floor of the bathroom tried to take shape in my head, and I had to force it out. "No worries at all."

"No, Edward," she said again.

My brow furrowed as I looked at her, and she looked back at me. Her teeth worried her lip, and she brought her arms up around her waist.

"If you don't want us to keep it, I'll give the baby to Leah and Brady," she said. "But I'm not going to…to just get rid of it. Not when they've been trying so hard."

"This has nothing to do with them!" I snapped back. The tender hold I had on the big red Sanity Balloon faltered, and the balloon's string went tight as a huge gust of hurricane-like winds grabbed hold of it.

"It does if you don't want…don't want…" Bella tried to take a deep breath, halting her words.

"No!" I yelled. "You are not going to do this! I'm not going to let this happen to you!"

"I am!" she screamed back at me. "You don't get to make that decision, Edward. I do. I am having this baby, and if you don't want it I will just find someone else who does!"

The image of Bella in the bathroom filled my mind, complete with blood, screaming, police sirens, meat, a black plastic bag, and a tiny coffin all shoved into the little bitty room where we stood beside each other this morning to brush our teeth. It was so overwhelming; the idea of her _finding someone else_ didn't even enter the picture.

The wind picked up, the thin string broke, and I plummeted.

I grabbed the closest thing to me that wasn't Bella, picked it up, and threw it against the wall. It ended up being the coffee table, and papers, books, and the little pen-shaped pregnancy test went flying. Bella screeched in surprise, but I was too far gone to stop.

There was too much in my head – floods of memories coming back, and I wasn't prepared of them. I couldn't handle them.

"_Edward, I'm pregnant."_

"_Not funny, Angela."_

"_I'm not kidding."_

It was all happening again.

Nearly ripping the still-open door from its hinges, I turned and ran out of the apartment.

…

Sometime later, I barely registered that I was on the subway.

There were some vague memories of hunting around in my jacket pocket for coins to shove into the slot to get on the train, but very little recollection of anything outside of my own thoughts once I made my way to the seat at the very back and plopped down. There was too much else going on in my brain for me to consider my surroundings – where I was or what I was doing. There just weren't enough cycles left in my mind to deal with it.

Bella was pregnant.

I shoved the palms of my hands into my eye sockets to try to keep myself from seeing Bella on the bathroom floor, covered in blood. The kind of panic it brought into my chest and stomach had me doubled over in the seat. If I lost her – if I lost Bella…

My hands clenched, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I wouldn't survive. I couldn't go through all of that again, and I wouldn't. If something happened to her, I'd head straight for the area of town just south of where we lives now, spend whatever money I had on smack, and start banging one after another. I'd make sure there was no way anyone could get me to the hospital on time.

A choking sound came from my throat, and I tried to swallow a couple of times, which just induced a wave of nausea. My back and neck were sweating, my head was pounding in my temples, and the images in my head kept flickering back and forth between memories of Angela and the same memories replaced with Bella's face in her stead.

I desperately wanted to go back to being numb.

My fists clenched, and I pounded them both on the side of the seat next to me. Part of my mind registered people getting up and moving away from me as the subway continued down its underground passage, but I ignored them. I also ignored it when the train reached the end of the line and started backwards.

I couldn't let all of this happen again. I couldn't let it all happen to Bella, not when I knew what might transpire. As a kid, I had been ignorant of the dangers, but now I knew better. I had to make sure she didn't go through with it.

_Not your choice._

More pounding on the seats with my fists occurred, and more people moved away.

She was taking the choice away from me. She wasn't allowing me any say in it at all. How was that fair?

Some drunk stumbled down the middle of the subway, running into other people and being completely incapable of hanging onto the handrails. He made his way to the back where I sat and looked down at me.

"You're in my seat!" he exclaimed.

I looked up at him, saw the look of absolute indignity on his face, and laughed. It wasn't a pleasant sound, either.

"Go fuck yourself," I said.

The dude swayed a bit before taking a step closer to me. His voice went a little lower and quieter.

"I said, you're in my seat," he repeated.

"And I told you to go fuck yourself."

His eyes narrowed, and his hand disappeared inside his nasty brown jacket. He sneered at me, and then pulled a silver blade from his pocket. Right in front of my eyes, his face began to change. His skin darkened, and his hair went from dirty blond to black, lengthened passed his shoulders, and drew itself up into a pony tail at the back of his neck. Glancing back to his eyes, the dark, flat brown of Jacob Black's eyes gazed back at me.

I lost it.

He probably didn't even realize he had been hit before he was on his back with me slamming his hand into the bottom part of the subway car's handrail. The knife flew from his fingers, and I released his hand so I could punch him with both fists.

It felt fucking great, too, even though his head was hurting my knuckles. Actually, that made it even better – it gave me something to focus on other than what was going on in my head. It gave the other people on the train something to focus on, too, which ultimately led to security making their way to the back car, screaming and yelling at people to get out of the way. I didn't pay any attention as they approached and tried to pull me off the guy.

The drunk's yelling was really too loud for me to understand what the security dude was trying to say anyway.

My fist flew into his face once more, and I heard the crack of bone as I connected with his eye socket. He was really screaming now, but it didn't make any difference to me. I felt hands on my shoulders, but I ignored them when they pulled at me. There was only one thing that mattered – and that was beating this shithead into the ground.

I jerked forward and backward as the train came to a stop. More yelling and screaming ensued as a couple uniformed cops entered the car. I ignored them as long as I could and moved to punching the guy's chest and stomach instead of his bloodied face. He was just cowering and crying now, and I didn't give a shit.

All my muscles tensed, froze, vibrated, and screamed as I sat up straight and tried to cry out. It didn't work, and I remained completely tight as electricity shot through my system. A moment later, the sensation stopped and I slumped over to one side. I wasn't sure if I could move or not and definitely didn't want to try.

A taser.

Now there's something to cross off my bucket list.

The hands around me were a lot more successful this time as they grabbed onto my shoulders and hauled me upright. My arms were pulled behind my back, and I heard the distinctive click of handcuffs and the cool feel of metal around my wrists. I heard someone asking what had happened, and all the people who had been riding along started shouting out their own versions of what had transpired.

"The other dude pulled a knife – it was self-defense!"

"Seen that other guy before," a woman's voice called out. "He's a nut – always yelling at people who sit there."

"He wouldn't stop hitting that guy."

"That's Evil Eye Cullen, the fighter."

"Didn't he bust up a wedding in Northside?"

I closed my eyes and just let them haul me off the subway and up the escalator. At the top, there was already a pair of squad cars waiting. I was shoved into one, the other dude into the other. A moment later we were screeching past shops and bars until we arrived at the station.

I didn't even bother to resist when I was hauled out of the squad car, into the police station, and then down the row of cells to a holding area at the end. There were dozens of guys – mostly drunks – in various stages on consciousness in each of the four cells we passed. I was shoved into the last one, which only held one other guy. He looked up from the bench where he was sitting as the officer removed the handcuffs, tossed me in, and locked the door. I glared at him, and he quickly looked away.

That was the most contact I had with him.

The little cot on the end welcomed my completely exhausted mind and body, and I could only hope sleep would come quickly. It didn't work, and a few hours later I was considering picking a fight with the guy just to get him to knock me unconscious.

"Edward Cullen?" An officer walked up to the door and started to open it.

"Yeah?" I sat up. There was a little lift in my chest as I wondered if maybe Bella had found out somehow and had come to bail me out.

"Charges dropped," the officer said. "You're free to go."

"Dropped?"

"Yeah – the other guy said he wasn't going to testify, and there were enough people saying he pulled a knife on you…just get out and stay away from trouble, okay? I gotta make room for a whole pile of drunken morons from the stadium tonight."

I could barely walk, I was so tired, but I managed to get myself out of the holding cell and to a desk chair where I sat for at least another hour waiting for the paperwork to be done. I had to sign my name about twenty times, agree that I wasn't going to press charges against the other dude for anything, and then they just dumped me out on the street.

I was a good three miles from the apartment, and I didn't even have a dollar in my pocket for the bus, so I just started walking. My head ached, and it seemed every memory I had avoided for years was trying to break through my eye sockets. I counted my steps, and then parking meters as I walked by, but images kept popping into my mind. I just couldn't stop them, and by the time I reached my neighborhood I was not only wiped out, but nearly insane as well.

I glanced up at the fire escape and our bedroom window, which was totally dark. It made sense because it was nearly dawn and Bella had probably gone to bed hours ago. My legs and feet felt heavy as I lifted my feet to climb the stairs. Even my side was starting to ache a little – probably from sitting in the same position on the subway and then lying on that crappy cot for so long. I was sure a lot of it just had to do with my own state of mind. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to Bella.

It's not like I could look her in the eye and tell her I wanted to have a baby. Maybe I'd want one someday, but certainly not now. Even with the little extra Bella brought in, we could barely support ourselves. With a baby we would need so much more. That wasn't even the issue though – the main issue was I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to her.

I couldn't really imagine her having the kid and then giving it up, either. I didn't want her to go through with the pregnancy at all, but if Bella had the baby, it was going to be a child of mine.

Period.

In my head, adoption was out of the question. In Bella's mind, abortion was not a negotiation point. Ultimately, that meant we were down to only the one real choice. It was a choice I couldn't cope with, but it was all we had.

_Fuck._

I reached the top of the stairs and looked down the hallway. The door to our apartment wasn't completely shut, and I silently bereted myself for not closing it all the way when I ran out so quickly. Bella would have been completely vulnerable without the door being locked and me gone.

In the back of my mind, the sharp crack of the door slamming behind me as I left echoed around, but I didn't think much of it.

My fingers reached out and pushed at the door. I was immediately bombarded with the mess I had made on my way out. The coffee table was still upside down, and most of the crap that had been on it was now on the floor. Bella had apparently picked up her school stuff, but all my stuff was still all over the place.

With slumped shoulders, I looked cautiously into the kitchen and wondered how bad she was going to cuss me out. I deserved it. Actually, I wasn't sure she could say anything to me that wouldn't have been less than I deserved. Maybe I could beat her to the punch, though. I knew how bad I fucked up, but the shock of it all was just too much.

It was still too much.

She wasn't in there, though the light above the sink was still on. Bella was kind of nuts about turning off all the lights before going to bed, which just made me feel like a bigger shit. I had obviously upset her so much she wasn't even doing her normal routines.

My eyes flicked over to the bathroom, but the door was open and no one was inside. The bedroom door was slightly closed, so I took a deep breath to prepare myself and then went inside. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I wondered if I would get lucky enough to have her sleeping soundly. That way I could at least put this shit off until morning.

I was really fucking tired.

Listening closely, I tried to hear how steady her breathing was…

…but I heard nothing.

I moved cautiously around to her side of the bed, reached my hand out, and felt nothing but cold sheets. My other hand grabbed for the light on the nightstand and flicked it on.

She wasn't there.

Adrenalin pumped into my system as I reached down and pulled at the bottom dresser drawer – the one I had cleaned out for Bella's things the first day she moved in. The one that then stood empty until we came back from Forks and Bella finally unpacked. It was the day she really decided she was going to stay with me long-term and not continually think I was going to send her away.

The drawer that was empty now.

"No," I whispered.

My eyes and hands flew around the room searching for something of hers, but there was nothing. Her clothes were gone – even the little basket where she kept her dirty laundry was gone. I ran out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, but there was no bright green toothbrush in the cup next to my red one.

In the kitchen, there were only the few dishes I had before she moved in with me. The bottle of apple juice she always had in the fridge was gone, and the little tan mug with the moose on it was no longer sitting to the left of my plain, black coffee cup.

I stood at the center point of the apartment where I could see into the kitchen and living room easily but also had a view of the bathroom and bedroom doors. My eyes moved quickly from each area of the living space I had shared with Bella and then landed on the little blue bookshelf in the corner of the room, which was completely empty.

My legs gave out, and I dropped down to my knees.

She was gone.

…

Once I had finished completely turning the apartment upside down trying to find something – anything – she had left behind that she might have to come back to get, I spent about five minutes just smashing shit in the kitchen. After that, I took a shower in hopes that it was going to calm me down, but I was only reminded of how often I used to jerk off in the shower, and how I didn't have to anymore.

Except that I did, because she was gone.

Punching the tiles of the shower really, really hurt. I tried to focus on the pain in my knuckles, and even hit the tile a couple more times until one of my hands started bleeding, but it wasn't enough. I had the feeling I could have thrown myself out the window, broken every bone in my body, and then been run over by a truck, and it still wouldn't be enough to make me stop thinking.

Soft, brown hair that always ended up tickling my nose in the night.

The way her hips moved back and forth when she was cooking.

The scent of her skin after I fucked her.

Most of the furniture found itself upside down or thrown against the wall. All the dresser drawers were emptied, and then the dresser itself was emptied of drawers, which were also slammed into walls. I smashed the television, ripped the cushions off the couch, and grabbed the bookshelf.

I was about to smash it to pieces, but I just couldn't.

I dropped down to the floor in the middle of the living room and stared at carpet fibers for God knows how long as I tried to just force the shit out of my head. I was good at that, and it should have worked, but it didn't. I stared at the smashed television screen, but I ended up with my head full of movies and TV shows Bella and I had watched together.

My jacket was on the floor within reach, so I grabbed it and pulled out a pack of smokes. I smoked half the pack sitting there, but I just ended up in a coughing fit and remembering how Bella came to the bar just to bring me my cigarettes.

She doesn't even like that I smoke.

I leaned my back against the couch and lit another cigarette, but then I forgot I was holding it and burned the shit out of my leg. Focusing on that kind of helped a little, but it still wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed something that was going to take all of this away.

With shaking hands, I stood up, slowly pulled my jacket around my shoulders, and walked out. I didn't even bother to lock the door as I left, just headed down the hallway and out into the street. I made my way across the street and to the alley heading south.

My heart pounded in my chest, and my throat tightened and ached. I tried not to think about where I was going or what I was going to do. I had given my word I wasn't going to do this again, and I was about to back out on that promise.

Tanya would have killed me if given the chance.

The smell was exactly how I remembered it. Sweat, urine, unwashed bodies – it was like a VW van in the middle of Woodstock if Woodstock was held in a nasty old swamp instead of out on a farm. Max was sitting on a couch at the far side of the room with some strung out chick hovering around him, begging for a slam and offering to blow him for free if he just gave her a little. I approached him slowly as she looked up to me with dead eyes.

"Eddie!" Max cried out as I came near. "How ya doin', bud? Haven't seen you in forever! Damn, you look like you've been hitting the gym! I thought you were all cleaned up or some such shit now. You got a job at a bar or something, Eddie?"

Max had a tendency to ask a lot of stupid questions, none of which he actually expected to have answered.

"Hey," I said, trying not to cringe at the use of the nickname, which had never been a favorite of mine. "What's been shakin', bro? I need a bit."

"You know I'm your man," Max said with a grin. "Anytime, anywhere! You name it, I got it. Weed, blow, meth – what you want, bud?"

"Just some H, bro," I told him. I didn't know why he was bothering to ask – I never touched the other shit. I hadn't even smoked weed more than a handful of times. I was always about the smack. I just didn't see any point in going halfway on such shit.

Max shoved the girl off his lap and turned to the side. He opened up one of those boxes that was meant to hold fishing lures or something like that and started rummaging around in it. There was all kinds of shit inside, and he had everything I needed.

_Tyrannosaurus' Tackle Box_, I thought to myself.

My hand clenched at my side, and I had to swallow a lump in my throat.

The chick with the dead eyes watched me as I pointed out everything I needed, and Max named a price. I swallowed, handed him most of the rent money, and walked away with a fresh needle, a rubber tube, and a rock of brown heroin. I shoved them deep into my jacket pocket as I walked slowly back down the street. I passed other junkies, hookers, pimps, and dirty cops without giving them a second glance as I made my way back to my apartment.

_My_ apartment.

Not _ours_.

Not even _the_ apartment anymore.

Just _mine_.

Inside, I went straight for the kitchen and laid everything out on the table. Images of mashed potatoes and casseroles and shit peppered the back of my head as I got set up, reminding me over and over again why I had to do this. I couldn't survive this way – I just couldn't. I wasn't about to try and fool myself into thinking that I could.

It was amazing how second nature it was as I grabbed everything I needed. I filled a small bowl with warm water and grabbed one of the porn mags that had been hiding, forgotten, under the couch since last summer. I tore out one of the pages from the middle and lay it flat on the table. I ripped the plastic off the needle and put it off to the side. Max had the good stuff – the easy stuff – so once it was crushed into powder on top of the magazine paper I only needed to mix it with a little water in the cap of my rig to get it to dissolve. It was only a couple minutes before I had the needle prepared.

"Still a fucking pro," I muttered to myself.

I sat still for a moment, then shook my head and wrapped my arm with a bit of tubing Max had given me. My veins were easily accessible now, though I remembered a time when they had collapsed and I had to shoot up through my leg. I tapped the inner part of my arm a couple of times more from habit than necessity.

Habit. That was kind of funny.

I clenched my fist a couple of times as I prepared both my arm and my mind. There was a definite part of me that was screaming in the back of my head that I hadn't done it yet. As long as I hadn't shoved the rig into my arm and pushed the plunger, I hadn't done it yet.

I paused, bit down on my lip, and let thoughts of her rush over me.

Memories came in waves without any kind of order to them. I remembered the first day she moved in and what a fucking mess the place was. I thought about how she helped Crazy Alice attach cigarette packs to her wall and how she took her grocery shopping. I remembered how she looked when she dug around in that huge fucking purse trying to find her lip gloss.

A weird sound came out of my throat.

"Can't do this," I whispered.

There was sweat on my forehead and the back of my neck as I took a deep breath and positioned the point of the needle on top of the vein. My muscles tensed, my mind screamed, and the memory of her scent as I held her in bed sent me over the edge. All I had to do was push it in and inject it.

So easy.

As long as I didn't do it, I was still clean.

But it was so, so easy to do it, and then I wouldn't feel like this anymore.

I wouldn't feel anything.

There was a slight popping sound as I broke through the skin, then another as I broke through the vein. The edge of my thumb tapped the plunger back, and bright red filled the end of the tube. With the verification that I had hit the vein properly, I slowly pushed the plunger down. I let out the breath I had been holding as I ripped off the tubing and slid the needle out of my skin. There was a little blood, but not much.

Apparently I hadn't lost my touch.

Submerging the end of the needle into the bowl of water, I pulled back on the syringe to clean it out. By the time I had set everything down on the table again, the flood hit me.

Heavy warmth spread through my limbs, and I let myself slide off the chair and walk slowly over to the couch because the bed was just a little too far away. My skin tingled slightly, and I felt my mouth turn up into a smile. I wasn't even sure why I had been feeling like shit just a few minutes ago because now everything was perfectly fine again.

The world that was previously pulling me down now pulled me into a cozy embrace of soft light and perfect warmth. I wasn't too hot or too cold, and I had a vague recollection of my mother calling me to wake up and get ready for school. I had been wrapped tightly in the blankets of my bed with sleep still covering my brain – far too comfortable and sleepy to listen to her.

I had been late to school, but it didn't matter.

School.

I heard myself laugh.

With my eyes closed, I leaned back against the couch cushions and just let myself feel. It was a sublime, dream-like set of images in my head – clouds and trees and the singing of birds, even though none of that was really there.

I knew it wasn't.

I wasn't even really seeing it in my mind.

It just felt like I was…or I could have been…

It was perfection.

For now.

…

My throat was dry, and I knew I should probably get myself a drink or something, but the whole cabinet with the cups and the sink with the water seemed like a shitload of effort. My legs were killing me, and my stomach hurt. I couldn't manage to lay down comfortably any more – I was too damn hot – but sitting and standing didn't feel good, either.

I had forgotten how shitty I would feel after coming down from a bang.

"There's a damn good way of fixing that shit," I muttered. "Get it? Fixing? Ha!"

Everything was still lying out on the table from before. I hauled myself up on the chair and grabbed the rig cap and the cup of water I had used to mix the heroin to prepare it for the needle. I only bought the one needle from Max, and though I knew I could have gone to the weird religious dude who always hung out by the food bank for clean needles, that was too fucking far away.

Maybe later.

The needle I had was only used by me, anyway. I did haul my ass over to the sink to wash it out a bit better, at least. I even made myself take a sip of water, though it tasted nasty.

Back at the table, I looked over the layout and tried not to let myself feel physically ill from the familiarity. It was so fucking easy to go back to this – too easy. Quick stop at Max's place, throw down the cash I had, come on back here, and forget the world around me. Money was going to be an issue soon, but there were ways of dealing with that, too.

I remembered the chick on the couch with Max and her offers of fellatio for a quick hit. He'd take her up on it, too. I knew for a fact he went both ways but refused to think about or remember any of that at the moment. My tongue ran over my dry lips, and I swallowed back the taste in my throat before going back to my task.

I got the needle set up to go, wrapped my arm, and positioned the tip at the vein.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

I swallowed again – hard. The end of the needle lay against my arm, and I felt the slight sting as it started to pierce the skin. My breath came out in short pants as I clenched my fist, forcing the vein up.

"She'd hate this."

I grabbed the needle and slammed it down on the kitchen table before dropping my head into my hands. I was fucking talking to myself, and if that didn't make me crazy, I wasn't sure what did. My stomach burned, my hands started shaking, and I wanted to throw up but knew I wouldn't be able to.

"I don't want to feel like this," I heard myself whisper. "I don't want to feel anything."

Another weird sound came out of my throat, but I didn't know what it meant.

"Bang it – perfection awaits."

I started to reach for the needle again, but my hand paused for a second.

"It always ends after a little while."

I shoved myself back from the table, half-walked, half-stumbled to the bedroom, dropped most of my clothes to the floor, and fell into bed. I wrapped my arms around my head and buried my face into the mattress. I wanted to just melt into it – disappear into the blankets and pillows forever – but instead I turned my head to the side and stared at the window.

Though I didn't really recall having gone to sleep, I must have dozed off because I was suddenly engulfed in her scent. My eyes flew open, and my heart leapt with hope, but my arms were only filled with Bella's pillow.

I was still alone in the bed.

Hugging it to me, I buried my nose in the fabric and inhaled deeply. My legs throbbed, and my eyes burned, but I squeezed them shut and tried to blank it all out. I knew how to do that – I was good at it. If it got worse, there was already a needle ready for me in the other room.

Rolling over, I grabbed her pillow and tossed it to the other side of the room where it likely landed on top of all the dirty laundry. I mentally smacked myself from even beginning to think about how much better going to the laundromat had been with Bella to go with me and turned over to face the window again. I liked the empty black pane as it looked out onto the night.

Another large breath helped clear my nose of her scent – sort of – and I closed my eyes to try to go to sleep again. This shouldn't be that hard. I'd done all this before. I was an expert at shutting out everything and everyone around me. Being alone was nothing new.

In fact, I preferred it – always had. That was why every time I fucked a girl in the past I always went home right afterwards. It was always better that way because you didn't want them to end up too clingy. That's what I should have done with…with _her_ in the first place. I could go back to that again – no problem.

And Bella could go back to…what?

A brand new sense of panic came over me, and my mind no longer seemed willing to block anything out.

Financially, Bella had been almost completely dependent on me. Yeah, she had a part time job, but it wasn't enough for her to be able to afford rent on her own place. She still had a few weeks left before her first year of school was over, she had nowhere to live, no steady income to speak of, and she was pregnant.

And alone.

I shook my head and clenched my teeth.

She wouldn't have to stay alone, though. She was intelligent and beautiful, and she could probably capture the heart of the first guy she ran into on campus. There were a lot of them out there, and a sob story like hers about her asshole boyfriend knocking her up was bound to call to one of them. Masen was pretty much known for only choosing the highest quality applicants to go to school there, so there was hardly a dud in the whole bunch. She'd have someone good to take care of her and the baby.

My baby.

I swallowed down bile.

Some other guy was going to end up with her, raising my child. She might even give it to Leah and Brady, and the baby would grow up on that reservation with…

"No!"

I sat straight up.

"No fucking way!" I yelled out into the dark, empty room. "No fucking way is my kid going to grow up in that fucked-up loony bin! No one's gonna raise my kid but me!"

I jumped out of the bed, yanked on my boots, and ran out of the house. My feet pounded the cement outside as I ran for the bus stop, realized that at four in the morning it was going to be at least twenty minutes before another bus came by going the right way, and took off running again. Even with a lot slower run than I usually managed, I made it to the subway in less than ten minutes.

The security guy gave me a bit of a look, like maybe he recognized me from the other day, but he was going to let me on until I realized I didn't have any money on me. I yelled a bit, but it wasn't helping, so I ran back out to the street and hiked my way to the other side of downtown. I ran the last four blocks in the early morning drizzle. The hospital loomed in front of me.

"Doctor Banner won't be in until nine-o-clock," the chick at the desk informed me. She eyed me up and down, and I realized I wasn't even wearing a shirt or anything – just some drawstring pants and my boots. "His office hours are posted on-"

"Where's his office?" I asked.

"Are you a patient of Doctor Banners?"

"Yeah," I said as I tilted my head and turned sideways. "Want to see the scar?"

She ignored my comment but did at least tell me where his office was. I found my way to an elevator and then down the hall to a door with his name on it. I knocked just in case, but no one answered. I twisted the knob and found it was unlocked.

The inside of Doctor Banner's office looked more like a study or a den in someone's house than anything else. There was a big wooden desk and a couple of plush chairs on the near side of it and some matching end tables. The desk chair was tall, leather, and presidential looking. The walls were covered in books, and my first thought was that Bella would love it.

"Fuck me," I muttered as I dropped down in one of the plush chairs and leaned my head back. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the creepy-crawly feeling hanging out on my skin or think about how if I just ran back home really quick to shoot up, I could probably be back here by the time Doctor Banner came in. This shit would all be a lot easier if I did that first.

I might have gone, too, but my head was still pounding in my temples, and every time I moved I felt nauseated. There was that little voice in my head again reminding me that if I had been binging for a few days, I would have made myself get up and go back for more.

It occurred to me that I hadn't really eaten anything since breakfast before I went to the gym that day. I wasn't even completely sure how many days ago that had been. Three? Four? I thought maybe three, but I wasn't sure. Fuck, it could have been a week for all I knew.

"You look like shit," Doctor Banner's voice came from my side, startling me. As I looked up at him, his eyes softened. "You fucked up, didn't you?"

"Big time," I replied.

"She left?"

I could only nod.

"Dare I ask what you did?"

"She's…um…she's pregnant." I shuffled my feet around on the floor a little. "It's not like we weren't careful or anything – there were bad pills, I guess."

I dropped my head down into my hands and felt a wave of dizziness wash over me. I swallowed a couple of times to keep myself from puking.

"There was a recall," he confirmed.

"It doesn't matter how it happened," I said. "It happened."

"When did she tell you?" he asked. He leaned back in his desk chair and tapped his fingers rhythmically on the arms.

"Um…a few days ago, I guess," I said, realizing I had no fucking idea what day it was or how long ago she had told me. "I got home from working out on Monday, which is when the clinic called her. She'd already taken a test."

Maybe it was the most recent Monday, maybe it wasn't. He didn't seem to be making any big deal out of it, at least. I stopped and let out a long breath.

"How did you react?" he asked, and I let out a short, harsh laugh.

"I wanted her to get rid of it," I admitted.

"I'm going to assume your presence here indicates she didn't agree with that approach."

"She said she was going to have it," I told him.

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I left." After a moment of silence, I glanced up to see his jaw set and his look grim. My tongue darted quickly over my lips. "I just walked out."

"What have you been doing since then?"

"I…ah…I got arrested for assault," I told him, "but they dropped the charges. I wrecked my apartment, but it's not like there's anyone there who cares. I bought some smack, but I only used it once. I didn't bang the second needle."

"Is this your way of telling me it could be worse?" he asked.

I rubbed at the back of my head as I glanced up at him a little sheepishly.

"Maybe?" I cleared my throat, rubbed at my eyes, and sat up a little straighter. "I fucked up."

"Yeah," he agreed, "you did. "Are you clean now?"

I rubbed the spot on my inner arm.

"Last night," I said, and my throat and chest seized up on me. "I think. I only did the one dose – really. I was going to do another one when I woke up, but I came here instead."

He stood up and came around the desk, grabbed my wrist, and then flipped my arm over to look at the bruise from the needle. His fingers covered my wrist, and he looked at his watch for a few seconds. He flashed one of those lights in my eyes and generally checked me out. Without a word, he grabbed an alcohol swab and cleaned off the spot on my inner arm.

"You dosed more than once," he informed me.

"I did?" My stomach lurched a little. I really only remembered the once.

"You still have the stuff at your apartment?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

Doctor Banner picked up the phone and told whoever was on the other end to cancel his appointments or move them all to another doctor named Snow. He grabbed his keys out of his jacket pocket and motioned towards the door.

"Let's go."

He did, in fact, drive a Lexus, and I warned him about parking it in my neighborhood, but he didn't seem to give a shit. There were a couple of teen kids in the parking lot behind the apartment, and he told them he'd give them each fifty bucks if his car was untouched when he came back out. The two kids shrugged, said _sure_, and sat down on the curb near where he had parked.

As soon as we walked into the place, Banner glanced around, saw the shit on the table, and immediately went for it. He grabbed the magazine paper with the mostly crushed rock in the middle of it, picked it up carefully, and moved over to the sink. He was way too quick for me to make any comment before he washed it down, soaking the paper in the process, which I guessed was the idea.

He picked up the needle and examined it.

"Was this new at least?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "It was wrapped."

"So you aren't completely stupid," he informed me, "just mostly stupid."

He shoved the capped needle and tubing into a paper bag, which he rolled up and shoved into his pocket. His other hand reached into the other pocket, where he pulled out his wallet and dropped a couple hundred on the table.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I'm buying your drugs," he told me. "I'm guessing on the street price of that much, as well as how much you used already."

He was actually pretty accurate.

"Do I need to admit you to the hospital?" he asked.

"I'm not really jonesin'," I told him. "I just…I don't want to think."

I leaned heavily against the wall between the kitchen and the living room. I tried not to think of how much I liked holding her against it, but memories of our first kiss came back to me. The night of my cousin's wedding followed right after.

"What do you want now, Edward?" Doctor Banner asked.

"Bella," I said without hesitation.

"What are you willing to do to get her?" he asked.

"I can't…I can't think about this shit," I told him.

"What shit?" he asked.

"Any of it."

"Having a child?"

"Fuck," I muttered. "I definitely can't think about that."

"Which is why she left," he pointed out.

I just shrugged. My chest was tightening up, and breathing was becoming more difficult.

"Have you talked to her since then?"

"I don't know where she is," I told him. "She took all her stuff, but I don't know where she would go."

"Friend's house?"

"She knows some kids from her classes," I said. "There's a girl – Maggie – she does her projects with, but I think she lives in the dorm on campus. I don't even know her last name, but I could probably find that chick, I guess."

"Then what?" he asked me.

"Um…" I furrowed my brow when I looked at him. "Tell her I fucked up?"

Doctor Banner leaned forward and dropped his arms over the desk.

"Yeah? And then what?"

I just stared at him.

"That's what I thought," he said. He sighed and leaned back again. "Edward, let me ask you something. Pretend for a second you're Bella. You just found out you were going to have an unexpected baby, the father freaks out on you completely and doesn't even tell you why, then abandons you. Tell me now – in her shoes – would _you_ take you back because you admitted to fucking up?"

I made my way to the couch, rested my elbow on the armrest, dropped my head into my palm, and found myself nervously chewing on the pad of my thumb. I felt like I was choking, or that my lungs weren't working right or something.

Ultimately, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Edward," Doctor Banner said with a softened voice. "Let me ask you something else, okay?"

He waited until I cleared my throat and nodded before continuing.

"Do you love her?"

My hands tensed, and I leaned forward over my knees. I couldn't sit still, and it felt like his eyes were crawling around on my skin. I wanted to come up with an answer, but I didn't know what to say.

"I…I want her back." I finally told him. "But I don't deserve it."

"Because of what you did when she told you she was pregnant?"

"That's one reason," I confirmed. "But fuck, doc – I don't have anything to offer her. We live in the slums in a crappy apartment, I fight at a bar for cash, and for the most part I'm an asshole."

"You didn't always live like this." He glanced around the room as he moved over to sit next to me.

"I'm not talking about that shit," I said. "I have nothing to do with my family."

"I noticed," he replied with a nod. "And that there is the one reason why I might agree with you."

"Agree with me?"

"That you don't deserve her," he said. "You could, but at the moment, you won't deal with yourself. I saw enough of Bella to know she deserves someone who is willing to take on his own demons. You left a life of luxury to live in one of the worst areas of town. You've turned to some pretty serious drugs instead of coping with what happened to you. Does she even know why you chose this life?"

I shook my head once, and the doctor blew a quick breath out his nose.

"This all comes down to whatever it is you're hiding from everyone, doesn't it? This is all about why you went ballistic on your mother and why Bella's pregnancy put you over the edge, isn't it?"

I realized I was rocking back and forth a bit, and my hands were back into fists. I really, really needed to hit something, but the only viable target was the doctor next to me. Despite knowing I needed his help, I was still sorely tempted.

I didn't answer him. I didn't even look at him again.

"You are going to have to tell her, Edward," Doctor Banner told me. "If you want to fix this, fix yourself and get her back, you are going to have to man up and tell her everything you are hiding inside. Then you are going to have to agree to get help in order to get over it. It's going to be hard, too. It'll be the second hardest thing you'll ever do in your life, but it has to be done. It's the only way you are going to be able to prove to her that you can do the hardest thing in your life."

Confused by his words, I looked back to him again and tried to figure out what angle he was trying with me now. I couldn't tell anything from his expression, though, so I was forced to ask.

"The hardest?"

He leaned back on the couch, placed his hands behind his head, and stared pointedly at me before speaking again.

"Be a father."

I was never one to self-analyze, but maybe I was out of choices.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

This falls into one of the hardest chapters I've ever written, I think. It's right up there with Doofusward in CBWR when he hits rock bottom, the Edward/Carlisle interaction towards the end of Offside, and the last chapter before the epilogue of Transcendence.

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

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	23. Reveal the Past

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! Well, it isn't, but that's why I thought I'd post early. Also, three hours early tonight maybe makes up for three hours late last week. At least there is symmetry! :) Thanks to DK for her mad beta skillz, and Deeper Water for questions on the reading group!

Story up? - check!

Box of Kleenex? - check!

Big girl panties? - check!

Seat belt fastened? - check!

Hang on tight.

**_If I don't do this, there's no chance – none._**

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Reveal the Past**

"What day is it?"

"Sunday," Doctor Banner informed me. "I checked with the gym, and you were last there on Monday – six days ago. I assume you are still wondering how much time you lost – how long you were strung out."

"I spent Monday night in the holding cell," I recalled. "Bought the smack Tuesday night."

"Then you were high for four days," Banner told me. "You came into the hospital about five this morning. I doubt that was the only rock you bought."

Banner and I dug around in my apartment to find out that all the cash I thought I had was gone. I should have had about a hundred and fifty left for rent, even with the first rock I bought. When Banner went digging around, he found two other needles in the trash in the bathroom.

"Why don't I remember any of it?" I asked.

"What do you remember?"

"After I figured out she left, I just wrecked shit and then went to the guy with the drugs. Other than that, I remember being high."

"That will happen," Banner said with a nod.

"What will?"

"Losing time, losing yourself," he said. "Between your post-traumatic reactions and the drugs, you were too far inside yourself to know what was going on around you. I assume that happened to you in the past when you were using regularly?"

"Yeah," I said as I remembered a little. "I just didn't have anywhere to be, so I didn't give a shit."

We talked for most of the morning, and Banner took me down to the deli and made me eat a sandwich and potato salad. My stomach wasn't happy about it, but at least it stayed down. Afterwards he brought me back home, made sure there was enough for me to eat for the next couple of days, and told me to come back to his office on Tuesday – sooner if I needed it.

I found Maggie's number by the phone and called her. She had seen Bella in class but had no idea Bella wasn't living with me anymore. She sounded concerned enough that I didn't think she was lying to cover for Bella or anything. I thought I might go to campus tomorrow and see if I could spot her.

As I plopped the phone back down, Doctor Banner's words floated in and out of my head. I didn't want to think about anything he had told me, but there was also part of me that realized some of the shit he said might be right. The one piece that I kept coming back to was the word _if_. _If_ I wanted her back. _If_ I wanted to fix this. For whatever reason, he had more hope than I did.

I wanted more smack.

I wanted her back more, though.

Having her back meant having her back _and_ pregnant.

I ran to the bathroom and relieved myself of lunch.

My fingers fiddled with the card in the bottom of my pocket. Banner had given it to me, and it had the name and phone number of a counselor who would apparently give me a deal on some sessions. My first inclination had been to throw the little card in the trash while he was still standing in the apartment, but I had shoved it into my pocket instead.

It was that little glimmer of hope in Doctor Banner that made me wonder if there wasn't some slim possibility I could do something to make all this right again. I knew there was a lot more than I was even capable of thinking about at the moment, but the first bit – talking to Bella and telling her what as ass I was – I had to accomplish that before I could even begin to do anything else.

It would all have been a lot easier if I could shoot up once more, though. Banner had decided to confiscate my cash, though he said I could have any of it I needed – just let him know. I agreed to it – I'd agree to most anything if I thought it would bring her back.

If I couldn't find her at Masen, I had no idea where to look next.

I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and went through the bedroom and out the window. Crazy Alice was out there, of course, but I didn't say anything to her. I leaned back against the bricks and lit up, finally allowing myself to glance over at Crazy Alice. She was actually looking at me for once, and I could only figure her look was her version of the death glare.

"What's your problem?" I asked, but she didn't respond. She did keep looking at me, which was giving me the creeps.

I smoked half my cigarette with her giving me the stink-eye before I turned on her again.

"Would you cut that shit out? What the fuck did I ever do to you?"

With that, Crazy Alice turned her head away from me, reached back behind her legs to push herself up to a standing position, and then turned her whole body in my direction. She took a few steps forward until she was right in front of me, then reached up and slapped me across the face.

I just stood there, stunned.

Crazy Alice turned around slowly, sat back down, and then glared back at me with a look that pretty much said it all. She knew. She knew Bella had left me. Hell, she probably even knew why. I dropped down next to her on the fire escape floor and lit another cigarette.

"I don't know what to do," I said to her, wondering how crazy it was of me to be confiding in a crazy person. "At this point, she can have whatever the fuck she wants – even a baby. I'd do anything right now just to get her to come back, but I have no idea where she is."

"Needs training," Crazy Alice said.

I scowled over at her.

"Is that supposed to make sense?"

Nothing.

I tried to coax more out of her – both with soft words and harsh ones – but she would have none of it. Apparently slapping my face, glaring at me, and uttering two words were the only actions she was capable of for the night. Eventually I gave up and went back inside. My whole body still felt sore and tired, so I ended up just dropping on the bed and trying not to think about ways of getting more dope.

I lay back on the pillow and then immediately turned my head to inhale her scent from the blankets she was always stealing from me in the middle of the night. It just made my chest hurt, so I sat back up and leaned forward over my knees.

_Needs training._

What would I need training on?

Hell, what don't I need training on?

Or maybe it wasn't me. Maybe she meant Bella needed some training, but on what? How to be a mother? How to deal with me? Not sure where she'd get that except from…

…a trainer.

_My_ trainer.

A moment later I was out of the bed, grabbing my jacket, and running out the door to find the bus to Tanya's neighborhood. She lived out on the west side of the neighborhood where it was a little nicer. Normally it would have been a couple bus transfers, but Banner had all my money, so I hoofed it. An hour later I was banging on Tanya's door, and when it opened, my trainer stared into my face.

Eye contact with Tanya lasted about nine seconds after the door opened.

On the tenth second, she punched me hard enough to send me backwards. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground and she was sitting on my stomach, beating the shit out of me. She went for my gut and kidneys first, and then moved up to my chest and head.

I covered my face, but otherwise let her do her worst.

It was a little cathartic, really. I closed my eyes and just felt the punches until she realized that was exactly what I was doing and stopped. I glanced up at her only to have her smack me a couple more times before she stood back up.

"Can I see her?" I asked as I hauled myself back onto my feet.

"Get the fuck out of here," Tanya growled. "You are a lost cause."

"I need to talk to her."

"What, and tell her to kill the baby because you can't manage to be a man? You're shit!"

She punched my gut again. I cringed and rubbed at the spot before running my left hand up and over my head.

Mistake.

Tanya's eyes widened as she grabbed my arm and twisted it. Her eyes ran down the inside of my arm.

"You're high," she snarled as she practically threw my own hand back at me.

"Not now," I said. "I…I went a little crazy. I'm straight now – really."

"Lost cause," she repeated. "I'm done with you, Edward Cullen. _We're_ done. I'm not training you or helping you out with your shit anymore. Fuck, Edward – I thought you had some real potential! But you can't get your head out of your ass long enough to make anything of it!"

"Please, Tanya," I said, "I know she's here. I just want to talk to Bella."

"No."

"Bella!" I yelled over Tanya's shoulder, and she shoved me back into the hallway.

"Get the fuck out of here," she said as she moved herself to further block the doorway.

"Not until I see her," I insisted.

"My building has actual security," Tanya threatened. "I'll have them throw you out."

"Do you think they can take me?" I asked, crossing my arms. "I hope there's more than one of them."

"Get out!"

"I want to talk to her!"

"I don't want to talk to you."

Instinctively, my head turned towards her voice. Bella stood in the opening to Tanya's guestroom, wrapped in a long purple robe which was tied around the waist. It was dark in the hallway, and I couldn't see her face well, but my heart started beating faster at the sound of her voice.

"Please," I begged, "just give me a chance."

"Why should I?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I freaked and ran out. I'm sorry I reacted that way – just give me a chance to explain."

"Explain?" Bella repeated with a harsh laugh. "Explain what?"

"You going to tell her, Ed?" Tanya asked with a sneer. She reached out and smacked my chest with both hands. "Are you finally going to tell her why you are being such an asshole? Because there is no way I'm letting you in here unless you are ready to tell her everything."

My eyes met with my trainer's, and I almost wished she'd just go back to punching me. I could take that kind of hit. What she was suggesting – now _that_ was a low blow.

"Did you tell her?" I knew the answer before Tanya shook her head. I almost wished she _had_ told Bella – that would have made things a lot easier. In my head, I heard Doctor Banner asking me if _I_ would take me back, and my eyes moved to Bella. "I'll tell you everything."

Bella's arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the wall and seemed to contemplate.

"Everything?" she asked.

"I swear."

"You'll answer any question I have with a complete answer – hold nothing back from me."

"Yes," I told her.

Bella huffed a breath out her nose. Tanya glanced back at her and raised an eyebrow.

"I'd be happy to just beat him unconscious," she said.

"It's okay, Tanya," Bella answered with a sigh. "I'll give him five minutes."

Tanya looked back to me, and then over at Bella. Bella turned around and went back into the guest bedroom, and Tanya let me past the doorway. As I went by, she grabbed my arm and dug her fingers into my skin.

"I'm not giving you another chance," Tanya said definitively. "I don't think she should, either. You and I are done. Is that clear?"

I nodded and swallowed past the lump in my throat. I knew there were a lot more implications in her words than just having to find another trainer, but I was going to have to think about that later. Nothing else was going to matter if Bella wouldn't hear me out.

I walked through the living room of Tanya's apartment and down the short hallway to her guest room. I remembered the room well – I had lived in it for a couple of weeks when I was getting clean. The furniture and stuff looked pretty much the same, though she had painted the walls from blue to green at some point.

Bella sat in a faded wingback chair next to the window with her hands resting on her thighs. Her fingers twisted the little ties that held the robe together. Now that I could see her in better light, she looked different, but I didn't really understand how that could be when I had seen her just a week ago. She did, though - her face was pale, seemed heavy, and I was pretty sure she had been crying recently.

Taking a slight step forward, I brought myself fully into the side bedroom. Bella obviously knew I was there, but she didn't look up at me. She kept her eyes trained on her hands in her lap and sat as still as a statue.

"Bella…" My voice was nothing more than a heated whisper.

"I don't have anything to say to you," she informed me. "Either tell me what happened that made you act this way or leave."

I cringed at her tone as much as her words. She'd been angry with me before, and I knew what she sounded like then. The way she spoke now was completely different, and it felt like getting kicked in the face repeatedly.

"I'll tell you," I said quietly. "It's going to take longer than five minutes, though."

Her eyes moved slowly to mine, narrowed, and stared.

"You know what, Edward?" she finally replied. "Forget it. I just don't give a shit anymore. Just get out. I have other things to think about now, and I don't have time for an overgrown child who can't deal with himself. I'm going to have an actual child soon enough – one that needs me."

_I need you._

"You're going to…to have it?" I asked.

Her eyes narrowed further.

"Yes."

My body went cold, and I dropped my eyes to the floor and squeezed them shut for a moment.

"I don't want anything to happen to you," I told her.

"It's not your concern anymore."

"Please," I asked as I looked back to her. "I'm just…I'm scared, Bella. I'm fucking terrified of this."

"You afraid the baby is going to interrupt your lifestyle?" she snarled.

I just shook my head, unable to say anything with any meaning or worth. I could taste bile in the back of my throat, but I couldn't let myself fall apart now – I had to get through to her first. She was young and naïve, just like I had been before. She didn't realize what could happen.

"Can I tell you?" I asked. "I just…I should tell you first."

"You should have told me months ago!" she cried out, and her hand reached up to wipe away tears.

"I know," I agreed. "I should have told you in the beginning, but I've never really told anyone except Tanya, and she quite literally beat it out of me."

"I know how she felt," Bella muttered. Her fingers tightened around the edge of the robe.

"You can hit me if you want," I told her.

Her head tilted enough to look up at me, and she scowled.

"No, I really don't, Edward," she said. "I just want to move on."

My gut felt like she had hit me anyway. Of course she didn't want to do that – it wasn't her style at all, which was her point. It was just another way she was so much better than me.

"Will you listen?" I asked.

"Go ahead," she responded with a slight wave of her hand. "At this point I might as well at least hear it."

"I…" I stopped, not sure how I was supposed to start this now that the time was here. I cleared my throat and tried again. "You see…"

I faltered, and Bella just crossed her arms and looked at me.

_I have to do this, _I told myself_. If I don't do this, there's no chance – none._

Shuffling back and forth on my feet, I tried to figure out where the best starting point might be. There really wasn't one, so I figured the very beginning was as good as anything.

"When I was in high school," I started, and then paused almost immediately, wondering how stupid I sounded.

"Go on," Bella said. "I'm not going to let this drag on forever. Stop stalling."

"I'm not!"

She glared at me, and I tried to remind myself that her anger was pretty justified.

"This isn't easy," I told her. "Outside of the people who were there, Tanya's the only other person who knows anything about any of this."

"I can't stand any more excuses from you," she said as her head moved back and forth. "Everything has changed now, and I have to grow up and stop playing around. Someone is counting on me, and I seem to be the only one in this room who realizes that."

"I do…I realize…"

"Bullshit," she snapped. "You just want to _take care of it_, you son of a bitch."

Her voice cracked, and she turned her head away from me as she wiped more tears from her face.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Bella…I didn't mean…I'm just…"

"Yeah, you're scared," she snapped back. "I get it. Fatherhood would suck."

"No!" I yelled back. My hands clenched into fists, and I felt as if a huge hole in my chest had just ripped open. I actually had to look down to see if there was anything pouring out of my torso. "That isn't it at all! You just have to let me…let me tell you!"

Her eyes turned back to me – hard, glaring, and full of animosity I had never seen from her before.

"Do it then," she growled.

My knees felt weak, so I dropped down on the floor in the middle of the room. I knelt down and rubbed my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans and checked myself for open wounds again. With one gigantic breath, I began to tell her.

"It was…um…my junior year," I said. "In the second semester, a new girl started. It was one of those special schools, um…magnate schools or whatever they call them. One that was supposed to be for the brightest kids around, but it's really for the rich ones. Every once in a while they had to pick someone for a scholarship, ya know? Um…well…Angela won the scholarship."

Bella leaned back in the chair a little, but said nothing, so I went on.

"She was really smart," I remembered. "She deserved to be there more than the other girls did, I'm sure. She got picked on a lot for being from the part of town the rest of us wouldn't have been caught dead in. She and her mom lived in a trailer park on the south west side of town. It's a little better than the area we…_I_ live in, but not by a lot. Her dad was never in the picture, so it was just her and her mom. People gave her a lot of shit, but she just took it in stride."

"We started going out just a month or so after she started going to my school. Went to prom together, all the weekend parties, studied together and all of that. She was…she was so different from all the other girls there. She was real. She was genuine. I never felt like I had to remind her who my father was so she'd remember her daddy would be okay with her going out with me. She was more like you."

I glanced at Bella, but her expression was unreadable. It was no longer a death-glare, so I took that as progress. I licked my lips a couple of times, swallowed hard, and continued.

"Of course, my parents weren't too happy about the whole thing. There was a girl I had been seeing the year before who was the daughter of one of Dad's lawyers. We broke up, which didn't go over well in general, but when I brought Angela home and they figured out where she was from…well, they weren't pleased. They put up with it, but I knew they were ticked. They were probably just hoping it was a phase that would pass."

"It wasn't, though. We…um…we got serious. She was the first…you know?"

Like an idiot, I looked up at Bella again as she raised an eyebrow.

"Um…yeah," I stammered. "Sorry."

I ran my hand through my hair and tried to go on.

"We were kids…stupid," I told her. "I used a condom most of the time, but…well…not always. She got pregnant during the summer before our senior year."

Bella's eyes widened and her hand went up to cover her mouth.

"You already have a child," she whispered.

Pins and needles crept up my legs as my body tensed. At first, I couldn't answer, and I watched a tear come to the corner of Bella's eye and spill over her cheek.

"No," I told her. "Um…give me a sec."

I rubbed at my own eyes, and then followed my fingers as my hands dropped back down to rest on my legs. I gripped my knees a little.

"I freaked out when she told me," I admitted. "But my reaction was probably a fairly normal one – we were young and scared. I knew my parents were going to be pissed, and that the conversation was going to suck, but I also knew I had enough money to take care of her and still get us both through college. I figured we'd move into my parents' house and hire a nanny so we could finish high school and then go to Masen so we'd be close to home and the baby and whatever after graduation. It wasn't where I planned to go – Dad had already made sure I was set up to study at Harvard Business School – but it would still work out. I mean, I already had a job and a career lined up for me."

"Once we talked about all of that, we both felt a lot better. Angela had grown up with nothing, and it hadn't even occurred to her that with the money I had, we would be able to completely support ourselves and the baby while we got our lives together. She only knew what it was like for her cousin who got pregnant and married young. The father of her baby turned out to be a real asshole and eventually left her with nothing – no money, no education. I think knowing she'd still be able to finish high school and go to college is what really helped her."

I took a long slow breath in, then let it out just a slowly.

"We decided to tell my parents first," I said. "I knew they weren't going to be happy, but the reaction they had – especially my father – was far beyond what I thought it was going to be. He flipped – I mean really, really flipped. He called Angela every name in the book and claimed she was nothing more than a money grubbing whore who had let this happen on purpose."

I had to stop a second, my fists pressed tightly against my thighs as I tried to hold my shit together.

"What about your mom?" Bella asked quietly.

"She just cried," I said. "She didn't do anything but take his side. When I tried to get her to defend me – defend Angela – she just turned away."

My fingers rubbed at my temple for a second, trying to drive away the throbbing in my head. Even though I had no intentions of seeking it out, my body was definitely letting me know it wanted more junk.

"Dad said we'd get nothing," I went on. "No money, no support. He said he would only pay for an abortion, but we had already talked about it for so long, she was already thinking of it as her child – our baby. She didn't want to do that."

Bella's eyes softened a little for the girl in my past she would never meet. Maybe I had never paid attention before, or just never noticed how much like Bella it was to do that – have sympathy for a girl in my past – but now it made me feel warm to know how inherently _good_ she was. I wondered if there was anything she could possibly say about Jacob that would make me sympathize with him and decided there wasn't.

It was one of the hundred ways she was an amazing, incredible woman.

"Angela went from accepting what was happening to panicking about the whole thing. After my parents reacted the way they did, she wouldn't tell her mom at all. For the next couple of months, she hid the pregnancy while I tried to convince my parents to reconsider. We both thought that if my parents would help us, her mom wouldn't freak out about it so much."

Another deep breath.

"My father wouldn't budge," I said. "Mom wouldn't go against him and just kept saying how disappointed she was that we hadn't been careful. Eventually I had it out with Dad and told him we were going to have the baby and he was going to have to live with that. We had a big fight, and as I was leaving he told me not to come back, so I didn't."

My hands were starting to shake a little, and I knew if I had been anywhere else I'd be heading straight for the nearest needle right now.

"Angela was almost six months along," I told Bella. "I was sleeping in my car near the school's parking lot and spent my time going back and forth from Angela's trailer to school. I kept trying to get her to open up and tell her mom about the baby, but she wouldn't. She was afraid she'd get kicked out, too, and wouldn't have anywhere to live before the baby was born. I bought her a bunch of baggy clothes, and she even made me wear baggy shit, too, so she could claim it was just the latest style. Her mom wasn't really all that observant anyway. I think she just liked that I was buying shit for her daughter."

"Where is she…?"

"I'm…uhh…I'm getting there," I replied quietly.

With my heart starting to pepper the inside of my chest, I labored to keep my breathing as normal as possible as I continued on.

"It was a Saturday about a week before Christmas," I told her. "I still had about seven hundred dollars in cash, and I had been out shopping. I bought a bunch of shit for the baby and was going to stash it in Angela's room. Just walking up to the door I had this weird feeling – like something was wrong. I don't know why, and maybe it's just in my head, but that's what I remember. Her mom was in the main room, and she didn't even look at me when I came in – just gave me a little wave as I walked by."

"The door to the bathroom was closed, and I just figured she was in there, so I went in her room and just hung out for a couple minutes. It wasn't long before that creepy feeling that something wasn't right came up again, so I went to the bathroom to check on her. "

My breath caught in my throat and drowned my words. I realized I was rocking back and forth on the floor in front of Bella, and that she was no longer glaring, but looking at me kind of quizzically instead.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You look kind of pale."

"Just need to…keep going," I said. My breaths were coming too fast, and I was starting to get a little dizzy.

Bella gave me a slight nod and sat back again.

"I called out to her, but she didn't answer me. I was knocking, then banging my fist on the door, but she still didn't answer. Her mother was yelling at me to keep it down, but I just knew at that point something…something was wrong. Really wrong, so I busted the door open."

I gasped as I tried to bring in more air to speak. My words came out staccato and breathy.

"The door pretty much flew off the hinges when I…when I kicked it. Angela's mom started yelling at me, but I don't know…what she said, because when I looked in the bathroom…"

My voice halted, and I couldn't breathe right at all. My heart was pounding so fast in my chest that I was starting to get light-headed. My chest began to ache, and my throat felt like it was closing up on me. Banner said I had post traumatic stress or whatever – could that cause a heart attack?

I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to keep going.

"She…sh…she…she was on-on-on the floor," I stammered, barely able to make the words. "Everything was covered in…in…in…in red…in blood. There was so much, so much blood…you couldn't even see the floor. I...I…I took a step towards her, but I slipped…I fell…"

My throat closed up on me, and I couldn't breathe at all. As I gasped for breath, I felt heated tears flowing out of my eyes and hands in my hair. Bella was kneeling in front of me on the floor with her arms around me.

"Calm down," Bella's soft voice commanded. "Edward, please – you are scaring me."

I leaned against her, but the taste in the back of my throat was too powerful, and I had to shove her away long enough to get to the trash can so I could puke. When I was done, I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth and rocked back on my knees. Bella was yelling out to Tanya, saying I needed help. I didn't know what I needed, but I couldn't stop shaking, not even when Bella's arms went back around me and she held my head to her shoulder.

"Shh," she said. "It's okay, Edward. It'll be okay. Just relax for now, okay?"

"N…n…no!"

I wanted to scream at myself. I had to do this – Doctor Banner said I had to do this if I was going to have any chance at getting her back. Bella said as much as well. Tanya wasn't even going to let me in until I said I'd tell Bella everything. If I understood what was going on now, Tanya was calling an ambulance.

I couldn't stop now.

"I fell…I fell on…on…on this _thing_," I sobbed. Bella tried to tell me to stop again, but I knew if I did I would never be able to finish, so I kept going. "I didn't know what it was…it just looked like…looked like a chunk of meat lying on the floor. Like some piece of something the butcher would have thrown away after chopping up a cow or something. But when I looked closer…it was…it was him…it was our baby. I fell on him."

"Oh my God," I heard Bella utter, but I tried not to pay attention to her. I had to get through this, and the only way to do that was to just keep punching through the words. She pulled me against her, and I wrapped my arms around her back and tucked my head against her neck.

"Her mom was screaming behind me, and all I could do was sit in the middle of it. I couldn't move, and…I…I… I couldn't think. Her blood was all over me, and when I touched her, her arm was stiff. I didn't want to look, but I kept looking back to…to _him_. Angela's mom was screaming…and she was crying and asking what I had done to her. I guess she must have called 911, because I couldn't move. The ambulance came, and they eventually took me out of there when they came for...came for the…the…the bodies."

I reached for the trashcan again, but nothing came up. Bella was still holding me tightly, and I took a long breath and tried to blurt everything else out in one long sentence.

"They took me in an ambulance as well – said I was suffering from shock, and when I was in the ER, they told me Angela had a miscarriage and hemorrhaged. They said if she had called out to someone, her mom probably could have…could have gotten her to the hospital in time…but by the time I knocked down the door, she had been dead over an hour…she was dead before I ever got there, and there wasn't anything they could do, and the…the…the baby…he was buried with her, and her mom wouldn't let me inside the funeral home…so I just left. If they hadn't said….if he hadn't said those things to her, she would have called out for someone."

"You blame your parents," Bella said. "She wouldn't tell her mother because of how your parents reacted."

"She bled to death because of them," I screamed. My eyes burned and my jaw clenched at the thought. "If they had just supported us – realized we were trying to do the right thing, she'd still be alive! She might have still lost the baby, but Angela would have been okay. She would have been okay!"

With Bella's hand slowly moving over my cheek, I fell to the side with my head in her lap. I screamed into the fabric of the robe and let my tears soak through to her skin. My arms snaked around to her back again, and I held on as tightly as I could.

"I can't let that happen to you, Bella!" I cried. "Please, Bella – please! Don't do it! I can't protect you from…from that! Please, please, Bella!"

"Edward, that's not going to happen-"

"You don't know!" I screamed as I gripped her again. "You can't be sure. Bella – I can't lose you! I can't! I need you, Bella. I love you – I can't lose you!"

Her hand moved against my cheek, and I pushed myself up enough to wrap my arms around her shoulders and bring her to my chest.

"Please, Bella…I love you…don't do this…please…"

"Edward, you need to calm down…"

"Please don't…please…"

"Shh, baby…"

There was a lot of noise coming from the other room, but I ignored it and just held on for life and sanity.

"I love you…I can't let that happen to you…"

"He's in there," I heard Tanya say.

Three guys came into the room, and I clung to Bella as they tried to lift me up and get me onto one of those gurneys. As tempted as I was to just beat the ever-loving shit out of whoever was grabbing my arm, I was more interested in keeping my hold on Bella.

"Please don't fight!" Bella said. "Let them help."

"No!" I grabbed on and held her tighter.

"I'll come with you," she said. "I'll even ride in the ambulance."

She looked up to the EMT, and he nodded his head. Tanya still had to threaten me a bit, but I finally let them load me up and strap me down. Bella stayed right next to me, holding my hand as I just let myself crash and burn inside my head.

…

"I wish he would have called before running off to find you."

"Would it have mattered?"

"I might have been able to prepare him a little. He needs to consider some medication treatment along with therapy. I don't think he realizes it when he has a panic attack, and this one was definitely severe."

"Is he going to be all right?"

"That's up to him."

Doctor Banner and Bella's voices mingled around inside my heavy head. I opened my eyes slowly to find myself in a very similar room – if not the exact same one – as the room I woke up in after surgery. Like the last time, my right arm itched where the IV entered my skin, but my left arm itched, too. It was a lot worse than the other one, and when I moved to scratch it, I remembered it was because I had been using again.

Slowly, the events of the past few days sloshed into the forefront of my mind.

"Welcome back," Doctor Banner said. He was smiling when I looked over to him. "Don't talk yet – give yourself a few minutes."

He came to the side of the bed and injected something into the IV.

"It should help with the itching," he said quietly. He nodded his head towards my arm and then picked up the cup of water beside the bed. He gave me a quick drink through the straw. "How's that?"

"I…" I cleared my throat a couple of times. "I feel like I got run over."

"Not surprising."

My eyes met Bella's, and I tried to find some way for those _gateways to the soul_ to give me some inclination as to where I stood right now, but they told me nothing.

"When can I go home?" I asked, and a little voice in my head wondered if I still had a home. "'Cause this place sucks ass."

"You could consider vacationing in the Alps," Banner suggested. "How do you feel about skiing?"

"Would you be there?" I asked.

"Sure, I'll tag along."

"Forget it then."

Banner laughed, but Bella just fiddled with the strap on Hercules' Humvee as Banner explained a lot of shit about how I was suffering from anxiety attacks and that the one I had at Tanya's apartment was quite a major one.

"You can go home in the morning," he told me. "I'm keeping you here for observation, and I want to start talking about treatment for both your anxiety and other issues. You can either cooperate, which means you walk out of here tomorrow, or you can bitch and moan and threaten me and I'll hold you for three days on a psych evaluation. Your pick."

"Fucker," I muttered.

He picked up my chart and poked around at it while Bella stood off to his side, down at the end of the bed. Our eyes met, but she dropped hers to the floor. After a minute, she looked back up to me.

"Can I…can I talk to you?" I asked. I tried for the puppy-dog eyes that usually worked when I had a cold and wanted her to cook for me.

Banner looked from me to Bella, then gave me half a grin, tapped his pen on the clipboard, and walked out the door. Bella didn't move but stayed down at the end of the bed not looking at me.

"Bella?" I whispered, and she finally looked up.

"Here we are again," she said. Her hand made a little gesture around the room.

"Yeah," I said. "Um…maybe if we worked out a deal, we could just move in…save on the rent or something."

Her tight lipped smile didn't seem to express any humor.

"Yeah…probably not. The décor here sucks."

Nothing.

"Bella?"

She looked up at me again.

"Are you…I mean…will you…you know…come back home?"

For the longest time she wouldn't meet my eyes. When her head finally tilted up, she didn't have to answer.

"Please," I heard myself whisper. "Please, just…don't. Don't do this."

"Do you have any idea what the last week has been like for me?" she asked quietly. "Any at all?"

I couldn't look at her anymore, because her point was far, far too valid. Other than wondering where she was and being paranoid about her going back to Washington, I hadn't really thought about what was happening with her.

"I spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out how I was going to tell you," she said. Her voice cracked a little, and as I looked back to her, tears began to stream down her cheeks. "I know babies are pricy, and I figured I could spend some time researching at the library to figure out ways to make it less expensive. I'd breast feed, use cloth diapers – you know, whatever I could do to make it not cost as much because I figured that's what you would be worried about."

She ran the back of her hand over her face before looking back to me.

"But when you…you said you didn't want…that you wanted me to get…get rid of it…"

Her breath stopped in her throat, and she sniffed before continuing.

"And then you start screaming at me, and when I looked in your eyes, I wasn't even sure who you were. Everything Jake had said about you being violent came into my head, and then you picked up the table and-"

She gasped and covered her mouth.

"I thought you were going to throw it at me."

"Oh fuck, no," I whispered. "I'd never, never do that, Bella, fuck."

"Normally, I would agree," she said. "But you weren't _you_ then, and I didn't know who you were. And then you just walked out."

She stopped, and her teeth bit down into her lip hard enough to make it look painful. She covered her mouth with her hand again and looked towards the window, even though the curtains were drawn.

"You said you wouldn't do that again," she reminded me. "Even so, I thought maybe you'd come back in an hour or two. I thought you just needed some time to cool off."

She straightened her shoulders a little, and then looked back to me.

"Then you didn't," she said simply. "And I started to wonder if you were going to come back at all. Then…well, I just started thinking about everything. There's something more important in my life now – more important than me or you. I had to do what was right for my baby. Tanya was the most likely person to help me. She was close by so I could still go to school, and she knows…well, she knows _you_. Better than I do, really."

"I did just need…what you said," I told her. "Cool off time. But I got arrested on the subway."

Bella's mouth dropped open as she stared at me, dumbfounded.

"Do I even want to ask?"

"Some drunk just…pissed me off. He pulled a knife on me – no charges were pressed." I tried to shrug it off.

"That really doesn't make me feel any better," Bella informed me.

"I know." I swallowed hard, knowing the last thing I could do now was keep anything from her. "When I got back to the apartment and you weren't there…um…I lost it."

Bella's eyes moved quickly to mine, and I looked away.

"What did you do?"

"I…I went out and um…" I had no fucking clue how to say it without making it sound just as bad as it was. There just wasn't enough sugar to cover the stink on this shit. "I bought heroin, and I used it."

Before I hadn't been sure if Banner or Tanya had told her or not, the way her body stiffened when she realized what I had said made it clear she had no idea.

"You started using again." I could barely hear her strained voice.

I moved my eyes away, not wanting to admit this, but knowing there really wasn't any point in denying it. I had to come clean, so to speak.

"When I figured out you were gone," I admitted. "I…I couldn't deal with it, so I went back to H."

"While I spent the week wondering how I was going to raise a child on my own," Bella said, and her words made me want to crawl under the bed.

I couldn't deny them. I couldn't defend myself – I could only try to explain as best I could, and then hope she'd let me spend the rest of my life making it up to her.

"There's more," I said to her. "I mean – I didn't tell you everything from before. There isn't much left, but a bit. I want you to know everything."

"Now you tell me," she muttered. She blew out a long breath.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Go on," she said with a wave of her hand.

"I told you they took me to the ER, right?" Bella nodded. "Well, I left the hospital before my parents could get there. I knew if my father hadn't said all those things to her, then Angela wouldn't have been afraid to tell her mom. If she had, none of it would have happened. I kind of think if I would have seen them at that point, I might have tried to kill them. When Angela's mom wouldn't let me go to the funeral, I just drove around the city for a while, then parked the car near the river and just sat there – I'm not even sure how long. There was a group of people near the river all huddled up together, and I watched them for a while. Eventually I got out of the car and walked over to them."

"As it turns out, they were junkies getting fixed. They were all banging, and when they were trying to tell me what it was like, I offered them cash to let me try it."

"Banging?" Bella asked softly.

"Um…yeah – injecting heroin is called banging. Or fixing."

"That's when you started using heroin?"

I nodded.

"That was the first time," I said. "After that, I pretty much spent my time either doing H or finding money so I could buy more. That is, until Tanya found me. She…um…she saved me, I guess."

"Did she?" Bella remarked as she raised her eyebrows.

"Compared to where I had been." I shrugged. "You know most of the rest. Um…that was the why of it, I guess. How I got there."

My hands were shaking as I sat and waited for her to say something. Bella remained quiet as she kept twisting her fingers around themselves and staring at the floor.

"Bella?"

Her eyes moved to meet mine.

"I know how fucked up I was," I said. "I realized it before it was…before it was too late. I went to Doctor Banner, and he took all my shit – took the drugs, I mean. I didn't want to be like that – I _don't_ want to be like that. I didn't know what to do without you. I asked Maggie if she had seen you, and she said you were in class, but you didn't talk to her. I wanted to look for you, but I didn't know where. Then I thought about it, and I thought you might be with Tanya. Well, Crazy Alice said something that made me think…doesn't matter."

I rubbed at my jaw a bit, which was still pretty sore from the first punch to my face.

"I was pretty sure as soon as she opened the door that you were there."

I didn't know what else I was supposed to say, so I waited for Bella to respond. She just stared at the closed curtains and didn't seem inclined to even look at me.

"Please…say something," I begged and immediately regretted it.

"I don't want to raise my child with a junkie," she said definitively.

It wasn't just my heart that tried to seize up – all of my insides went right along with it.

"I won't," I managed to utter through a tightened throat. "Never again – ever, Bella."

The sound that came from her almost sounded like a laugh, though there was nothing funny about it, and tears began to stream out of her eyes again.

"Even if I could believe you," she said with a heavy voice, "how can I be with you if you don't want our baby? How can I even consider being with a man who can't even express his emotions until he's in the midst of a panic attack?"

My stomach clenched, and I pulled my knees up to my chest. Leaning forward, I covered my face with my hands and let the tension in my muscles hold my body together. I was pretty sure something would just explode right off of me if I didn't.

She wasn't going to take me back.

She was going to have the baby.

Without me.

I brought my hands away from my face, slowly opened my eyes, and then looked up at her while I tried to figure out what was happening in my head. Unwanted images of Bella sitting on the worn out couch in the living room of our apartment with a baby in her arms filled my head. In my mind, I brought her a glass of apple juice and sat down next to her, smiling at the tiny thing in her arms.

"That isn't it," I croaked.

"What isn't it?" she asked.

I furrowed my brow as I tried to find the right words.

"It's not that I don't want the baby," I finally said. "I just can't…I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you. Every time I think about it – even just a little bit – I see you there on the floor in the bathroom instead of…instead of Angela, and it just about kills me."

"What are you saying?" Bella asked softly.

"It's not that I don't want a baby," I repeated. "I just…I don't want you to be pregnant. Bella, you don't realize how dangerous it could be."

"I know shit can happen," she told me. "I know there are dangers, Edward, and I understand now why all of this freaks you out, but that doesn't change what I have to do. I'm going to have this baby, and I can't raise this baby with a man who throws things and runs away when shit gets hard."

My hands and feet went numb, and I couldn't pull in a breath at all.

"Please…I won't," I told her. "I won't do any of that shit again."

"There's more to it than that, Edward."

"I'll do anything!" There was more pressure inside of my skull, and breathing wasn't any easier. Even though I'd beg and swear anything to her, I could see it in her eyes – it wasn't going to matter. Nothing I said was going to make any difference.

"Such as?"

"I won't walk out on you again," I promised.

"You've said that before," she reminded me. "You said you wouldn't walk out on me again, but you did. Twice now. You said you were done with drugs, and you used again. I can't trust you, Edward."

"I'll prove it to you," I said, "but you have to give me the chance."

"Get counseling," Bella said.

I managed not to roll my eyes outside of my own imagination, but it wasn't easy.

"We're going to have to save every extra penny, Bella," I told her. "We can't afford-"

"Edward," Bella said as she stood up straighter. The tone of her voice deepened a little. "Unless you get help, there is no _we_. I do understand a lot better now, but I am still going to have this baby. Having the baby means I'm going to be spending the next six months pregnant. After that, there is going to be a baby. If you don't want to…to give it up, then that means we're going to be raising it."

"No adoption," I said. My heart began to pound in my chest again as her words seeped into me. I focused my hearing on her every word, trying to understand exactly what she was saying – trying to hear some semblance of hope in her tone. "If you…if you are going to go through with it…with the…"

I had to force myself to swallow to keep speaking.

"With the pregnancy, then we're going to keep the baby."

"If you are going to be part of this child's life, you have to get healthy."

"I will," I said with a nod. "I won't touch the H again – never."

Our eyes stayed locked together for a long moment. I hoped to God she believed me. I meant every word of it – I wouldn't touch the shit again, not if it meant losing her. I knew I could survive withdrawal, and I knew I could get myself past all that because I had done it before. I couldn't survive without her – I was sure about that.

"As long as you are staying away from the drugs, I would never keep you from your child. I hope you know that I want you to be a part of your child's life."

As nice as her words sounded, I didn't miss what was between the lines.

"What about…what about being part of…of _your_ life?" I asked.

Mentally, I braced myself for the answer. Physically, my body was already trying to freak out on me. Between my shaking hands, numb feet, and churning stomach, I was surprised there weren't a dozen bleeping noises coming from the machines next to the bed.

"I don't know, Edward," Bella replied softly. "You scared me, and I understand now, but that doesn't change how much you scared me."

"I didn't mean to scare you," I told her.

"I know you didn't," she said. "But you did. And I don't know how to make you better."

My hands gripped the sheets on the bed in a vain attempt at keeping me grounded. I had to be able to think straight. I had to be able to turn this around.

I was losing, and I couldn't lose.

"If you are going to do this," I struggled as my throat tried to seize up on me. It took a minute, and I had to start again. "If you are going to go through with this, I want to be there. I have to be able to protect you – keep you safe."

Bella let out a soft, humorless laugh.

"Edward, you are in no condition to save yourself. What good are you to me right now?"

"I'll be fine," I assured her. "I won't do any of that shit again – I swear-"

"Don't!" Bella yelled, cutting me off. "Don't you make another promise to me, Edward Cullen. I can't take any more of those."

She eyes me for a minute.

"Actions," she said. "It has to be actions for me to even think about it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, and then decided it didn't matter. "Whatever it is, Bella – I'll do it. Whatever you want – whatever you need."

"Thirty days," Bella said with a nod.

"What?" I leaned back a bit as my eyebrows came together.

"I'll give you thirty days," she repeated. "You do whatever Doctor Banner tells you – see a counselor, get on medication, take care of yourself, stay clean…hell, keep your _apartment_ clean. I don't want to hear any excuses about why any of it couldn't be done."

I swallowed and nodded.

"There's one more thing," she said. "And I know this one is probably going to be the hardest, but I think it's an important one."

"What?" I asked.

"Talk to your mother." Bella's eyes were calm and sure, while my insides felt like they were being turned inside out. "Someday you are going to need to talk to your father, too, but you need to start with your mother."

"No," I responded. "I'm not doing that."

Her mouth turned into a tight-lipped, sad smile as she glanced down to the floor.

"Then you aren't ready to be a father."

Bella turned slowly and started towards the door. As she moved away from me, the inside-out feelings in my stomach spread to the rest of my body.

"Don't!" I cried out. "Don't go! Please! I'll do it! I'll talk to her!"

Her eyes stayed on mine, and the sight of more tears caused by me as they rolled down her cheeks was more than I could take.

"I'll do it," I said. "I'll talk to any of them – all of them. Whoever you want – my family, the doctors – just don't…don't leave me."

"Thirty days," she said again. "Prove to me you can do it."

"I can."

"I hope so," Bella said. "Because you've been holding all of this inside for way too long, and I think you are going to need your family to get through all of this."

"They're the ones who started all of it," I snarled, immediately regretting the tone. I took a breath to calm down, but my stomach was starting to churn again. "I'll talk to her if that's one of your conditions, but that doesn't mean it's going to be a fun and happy conversation. It doesn't mean we're going to be having tea and fucking crumpets at the end of it."

Bella took a few more steps towards the door, her head shaking slowly. Before she walked out, she paused and turned back to me.

"This isn't right," she said quietly. "You shouldn't be doing this because I'm threatening you."

"It's…it's not," I said, knowing it was at least partially a lie. Not wanting to lie to her, I kept babbling instead. "I mean, I am – to some degree. I can't argue with that. But Bella – I'll do anything you want. I know I'm not…_good, _but I want to be. I want to be better for you…for you and…and…"

I tried to stop it, but a hot tear leaked out of the corner of my eye.

"You and our baby."

I watched her face and saw it was still filled with doubt.

"I'll do it," I told her. "I love you, Bella. I'll do anything to make all of this right."

A matching tear fell off Bella's chin as she offered me her first real smile.

"You do all of that," Bella stated, "and if after thirty days Doctor Banner agrees you have done everything you can to get yourself better, we can talk about trying this again."

I was never one to make deals, but it was the only chance I had.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Not sure if this is better than last week or not, but there is hope!

To address DK's comment amongst the "you fucked up your comma use here" notes, hatred for Tanya might be felt, but she's also been through all this before with him. Sometimes people in an addict's life have to let go for the sake of themselves. Not defending what she did or how she did it, but shit happens. What people "should" do is not always what they actually do.

If you didn't notice, I started a new quick-fic this week for no apparent reason at all - _Not What She Seems_. Check it out! :) It might update tonight, too.

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	24. Hit the Ground

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

First off – I published a book! Link in my FFN profile, and details in the chapter end notes!

I have to say, I think I feel I've done my job best when I get such completely opposite reactions from people. Love what Bella did, hated it. Tanya's my hero, she took tough love too far. Parents totally to blame, not to blame. Edward's a total fuckup, he just needs a hug. I think that means I balanced things pretty well. I'll quote myself from a reply to a review earlier today – Perfect characters = boring stories.

Seat belts still fastened, right?

**"Forget it. Just get your shit out now."**

* * *

**Chapter 24 – Hit the Ground**

How long I sat there in the center of the hospital bed after Bella left and watched the empty doorway could have been anyone's guess. At some point, Doctor Banner's face appeared there. He squinted his eyes a little and gave me a wary half smile.

"How you feeling?"

"Like my pregnant girlfriend just left me."

"She left you last week," he reminded me.

As if I needed reminding.

"This time feels a little more definitive."

He walked the rest of the way into the room, checked my vitals, and then pulled the rolling circular chair to the side of my bed.

"You told her," he stated. He didn't have to ask.

"Yeah – sage fucking advice you had there, asshole."

"I have to admit, I didn't think you would actually do it. If I had, I would have tried to prepare you a little more. You also haven't talked to me yet, so I don't know what your triggers may be."

I glanced over at him with narrowed eyes, but I didn't have the strength to really be pissed off at him.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Now," Doctor Banner said, "you tell me."

I just shook my head and laughed humorlessly.

"Yeah – there's a brilliant idea. I just about have a heart attack the last time, and you want to have me do it again? What is it, Banter? You need some practice with the defib paddles?"

"No," he replied, "I'm actually quite good at those. Edward, you didn't have a heart attack, you had a panic attack. You've kept all of this inside of you for way too long. You may think you've been dealing with it all these years by ignoring it, but your inability to bring it up without intense physical reactions means you haven't."

"Sounds like bullshit to me," I muttered as I looked away from him.

"It sounds perfectly reasonable to you," Banner countered. "That's why you don't want to talk about it."

Glaring at him, I considered just bailing on the conversation and the hospital as a whole. I was pretty sure I could have gotten out faster than he could get someone here who was able to restrain me. Of course, I wasn't wearing anything but the fucking open-assed gown.

"Fuck you," I finally said.

He smashed his lips together and looked down at his hands.

"I guess you aren't ready for this," he said quietly.

He stood up and started across the room as images of Bella doing the same walk away from me cavorted in my frontal lobe. My stomach clenched and felt like it did a complete summersault inside my gut.

"Wait!" I called out.

He turned and raised a brow at me.

"I can…I can try."

…

Still shaking, I curled up on my side and let the nurse run a cold cloth over the back of my neck. Part of me wanted to punch him in the face, and another part of me wanted to at least tell him to go fuck himself, but I didn't.

I was too exhausted to do anything.

Banner had let me take my time, and I had talked to him for a good three hours before I managed to get it all out there. My stomach revolted, sweat poured out of my skin, my hands shook, and I honestly wasn't sure if it was because my body wanted H or because my mind wanted to shut down and Banner wasn't letting me.

I thought I was supposed to feel better after getting it all out there, but I didn't.

I couldn't even sleep that night.

Banner returned in the morning and handed me a brown paper sack. I looked at him warily and then slowly pulled out a small book with fabric covering. I thumbed through it, but all the pages were blank.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" I asked.

"Write in it," he responded with a shrug. "That's what you do with a journal."

"You're giving me a fucking diary?" I asked. "Do I look like a twelve-year-old girl?"

"No, you look like a completely destroyed grown-up man." He put his hands on his hips and looked down at me. "I'm sending you home tomorrow. I want you to at least write something in it before your first session with Irina Denali."

I didn't even pay any attention to what he said. Probably should have.

"I thought I had to talk and shit? Why do I have to write?"

"We have been talking," he said, "but there's more to it than that, and you know it."

I frowned at the book in my hands, flipped it over, and then fanned through the blank pages again.

"What do I write in it?" I asked. My throat tightened. "Do I have to…to write all of that shit we talked about in there? I mean, about what happened?"

"About Angela and the baby's death," he said quietly.

I swallowed as I nodded slowly.

"It's okay to say the words, Edward," he told me. "You've avoided that for too long, but no – you don't have to write anything in particular down. Write down what you feel like writing down."

"I don't get it," I admitted.

"You'll figure it out. Get a pen, open the book, and put the two of them together – something will come."

The small book felt heavy, and I continued to glare at it as I shoved it back in the bag and placed it on the bedside table. I felt like the damn thing was looking at me, and kept glancing at the spine for little blinking eyes.

"There's no way I can afford the shrink," I said.

"Edward, you're making excuses."

"I'm not," I argued as I shook my head. "I don't make much anyway, rent is due this weekend, and I blew my cash on smack. I don't want anyone calling in the Cullen Cash Cavalry, either. I'm going to need to make more money for the…the baby. I can't even pay for this little _night on the town_ here."

Banner eyed me for a minute before opening his mouth.

"You were brought here in the midst of a panic attack," he said. "I determined you needed to be held for evaluation, so there's no charge for the hospital stay. Your income level qualifies you for assistance with the therapy, including the first ten sessions at no charge. You know you can get other government assistance, too."

"Welfare? Bullshit."

"You could."

"I don't take handouts like that. Never have."

"Well, I'm just telling you that you _could_," he repeated. "Don't forget about food stamps and WIC, too. Bella is going to need that kind of help while she's pregnant and after the baby is born."

My finger started tapping uncontrollably against the edge of the bed. I hadn't thought about assistance for that reason. Bella needed to be as healthy as possibly so she…she…so nothing happened to her. The baby would need more shit than I was going to be able to give it on a fighter's under-the-table pay.

"Shit," I muttered.

"Think about it," Banner said. "I'm going to give you a couple of prescriptions to try out as well. I have some samples that should keep you going awhile."

"What are they? I asked.

"One is to help with withdrawal symptoms," he informed me. "I don't want to give you anything too strong, because even though your relapse was relatively short, you're still in a dangerous position. I'm giving you a prescription for anti-anxiety as well. I don't have any samples, but you can get this one in generic form for about five dollars at that clinic a few blocks from your apartment. That should help keep you stable as well."

"I'm not going to fuck up again," I told him. "I can't."

"I know you feel that way right now," Banner said with a nod, "but when you are back home and trying to determine how you are going to cope with all of this you may feel differently. These can help you get over the rough spots, but I want you to call me each time before taking one. At least until we get you set up with the therapist."

I agreed to do as he said, because I knew that was what I had to do.

…

Just walking back into my apartment felt weird. Once I got there and opened the door, it was even worse than I thought it would be.

Aside from the obvious emptiness of the whole place without Bella's stuff and her presence, it was still totally destroyed. Apparently even after throwing shit around when I realized she was gone, I had further trashed the place during my four-day heroin binge.

I had to step carefully through the mess. There was so much stuff lying around, I figured my jacket and other stuff I brought back from the hospital wasn't going to make it any worse, so I dumped them in the living room and just made me way to bed.

Stripping down to my boxers, I just dropped the clothes on the floor and fell into the bed. Even though I had basically spent t he last couple of days doing nothing but sitting in a hospital room and talking, I felt like I had been at the gym constantly. My head ached, my muscles ached, and I felt like someone had shoved a bunch of nails into my guts.

Reaching my hand out, I grabbed Bella's pillow and pulled it close to me. In the few days since she had left, a lot of her scent had vanished, but it was better than nothing. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep a little – I was going to have to work in a few hours – but sleep wouldn't come. I tucked my face against the pillow, but it wasn't the same as tucking my face in her shoulder or her hair.

I squeezed hard, holding the pillow against my chest as tightly as I could, but it just didn't help. Her scent was there – but only barely. Even with the slight reminder of her presence, it wasn't helping me sleep in the least.

I needed her there – her presence, her warmth.

Shoving the heels of my hands into my eye sockets, I growled out in frustration before shoving myself up and out of the bed. I stomped into the living room and grabbed my cigarettes. Deciding I just didn't give a shit, I flopped down in the middle of the floor and lit up. I tried not to think, but it just didn't work. There were so many different pitfalls in front of me, I knew there was no way I could manage to jump them all. I was going to fall, and there wasn't anyone around to catch me.

As much as I wanted to blame multiple people for that fact, I knew who was really at fault. I didn't even need to go find a mirror. Tanya had picked me up too many times in the past, and she had made it pretty damn clear after the last time that it wasn't going to happen again. Yeah, that had been years ago, but she wasn't one to go back on her word.

Not like I had.

That was one of the things that drove Bella away. I ran out on her, which I said I wouldn't do, and I scared her. I scared her at the time when she needed me the absolute most. She needed me, and I just walked away from her.

No, I didn't just walk away – I threw a fucking table first.

My hand came up and wiped tears from my face. I hadn't realized I had been crying.

In my mind I could see her face, and the details of how she looked when I went ballistic about the news were far clearer than they had been at the time. Her wide eyes, the tears streaming down her face, and the way she jumped back – her hands instinctively covering her stomach – all showed me what a complete and total asshole I had been.

I was so fucked.

Not enough money for rent.

Even after the short relapse, I was still feeling a lot of withdrawal symptoms, either physical or mental.

No trainer.

My head was a fucking mess.

No Bella.

I only really cared about the last one.

Lying on my back, I stared at the ceiling above me and tried contemplating nothing. There was absolutely nothing interesting there on the ceiling, but I continued to stare anyway. After a few minutes, my head lulled to one side and I stared across the floor instead. There was a little cup turned over on its side about a foot from my hand. I reached over, grabbed it, and tossed the cigarette butt into it. There was a hissing sound as it went out along with the slight scent of burning plastic.

On the other side of the cup was the paper sack with the blank book in it. For the sake of something to do, I reached over and pulled it closer. My fingers traced over the fabric cover until they reached the edge. I opened it up and stared at the first empty page.

It stared back at me.

It didn't take too much looking around on the floor before I found a pen. I tried not to think about how it was probably the one Bella had used recently to work out some statistics for her latest project with Maggie. I placed the pointy end on the paper and stared at it for a minute before I started to write.

_I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with this._

I sat back a bit and looked at the first line. For some reason, it made me laugh a little.

"What a fucking mess you are," I mumbled as I rolled over to my side. I stared at the single sentence a moment longer before tossing the book off to the side and flinging the pen against the wall.

Amongst the crap all over the floor and the busted coffee table was a little tube of some sort. I shuffled over a little closer until I could reach it. It was one of the giant tubes of hand lotion Bella always kept in her ridiculous purse, and I had to assume it just fell out when she was leaving. She never would have missed it – she had at least a gross of them in there.

Rolling to my back, I held the tube up in front of my face and flipped it around a couple of times. I twisted the lid off and sniffed at it. It wasn't scented, though, so it didn't smell like her. I rolled back to my side and let it drop back to the ground.

My eyes fell on my jacket, which was lying on the floor in the same position it had always been before Bella lived with me and made me hang it up. A little knot formed in my stomach again, and I rolled over to the other side so I wasn't looking at the jacket anymore, but I had a nice view of the bottom part of the couch.

"Fucking pathetic."

My body was totally worn out, but my mind wouldn't stop. My eyes burned – I didn't think I had cried this much since…well, maybe ever. I just needed to sleep. If I could get a few hours, maybe I'd be able to do something with myself.

Maybe a good jerk-off would help. It used to help me get to sleep during occasional insomnia attacks. I didn't feel particularly horny, though. I never did when I had been on H.

My eyes flickered over the porn mag I had torn up to crush the rock, and I reached out for it. It was from the previous March – more than a year ago – and had been hanging out under the couch since the summer. It was kind of dusty around the cover, but when I flipped through it the pages were all okay. Well, except for the one I tore out.

All the chicks had really big tits.

Well, except for one, but she was blonde.

Still, I flipped through pages with my hand down my sweats, but the Moody Little Bastard had become a lot pickier since Bella came around. He wouldn't even tease me with a little twitch. I ended up tearing the mag in two and throwing it across the room.

Of course, that just added to the already disastrous mess in the apartment.

I let out a big sigh, shoved myself from the floor, and started picking up the shredded paper. I shoved it all in the kitchen garbage, and then came back to the couch to grab the rest of the porn magazines, and tossed them out as well. The garbage was pretty full, so I hauled it to the dumpster outside and then replaced the paper grocery sack inside the can as a liner.

I looked back to the living room, sighed, and started filling the can back up again with all the trash lying around on the floor. Once that was done, I flipped the coffee table over and surveyed the damage.

The place was pretty much a wreck. The landlord was not going to be happy about it at all. The coffee table went with the apartment, and though it was still useable, one of the legs was broken. I positioned it so the table didn't fall over, but if anyone ran into it or tried to move it, the leg would fall off again. If I ever moved out, the landlord would definitely use that as an excuse to keep the deposit.

Starting with the living room, I picked up all the shit on the floor and either threw it out or put it away somewhere. I got the dishes in the kitchen washed, wiped down the bathroom surfaces, and stacked all my dirty laundry in a slightly neater pile.

Bella hadn't taken her vacuum with her, so I used it over all the carpets as I tried to keep my mind from imagining her doing the same thing every Sunday morning after breakfast. In my imagination's imagination, she was wearing June Cleaver's dress and pearls.

I had managed to work up a bit of a sweat running around cleaning. The amount of work I had done in a short amount of time was really pretty impressive – for me, at least. I looked around one more time, picked up a couple things I had missed before, dusted the empty blue bookshelf, and then plopped down on the couch.

Okay, so the apartment was now clean. There was something I could check off a list if I happened to have a list.

My eyes fell on the journal again, and I picked it up. I turned the page and starting making a list just the way Mom had always told me to do – with the first item on the list being _make a list_, so you always had something to cross off.

_Make a list_

_Clean the apartment_

_Make appointment with the head shrinker_

_Get the psycho prescriptions filled_

_Talk to Mom_

_Get my shit together_

_Get Bella back_

Well, it was a decent start, anyway.

I immediately crossed off the first two things on the list, which made me feel good. It was weird how good it made me feel just to cross shit off, but it was like I was actually making steps towards the last one, which was the most important one anyway.

Okay – time to do something about all this.

I eyed the coffee table and then poked around at the busted leg a bit. I was pretty sure if I had the right kind of glue, I'd be able to fix it to the point where no one would notice. I decided to ask Jasper if he might have something like that I could borrow.

I checked the clock. It was really too early to head in to work, but I figured I might as well go. I hadn't actually talked to Jasper, but even if he didn't have someone lined up for me to fight tonight, we could always do the impromptu challenge fights with anyone who thought they were up for it. Hell, I could probably spread around the fact that I had been in the hospital and wasn't up to snuff – it would draw in more challengers.

Walking quickly down the street, I made it to the bar before I was even done with my first cigarette. I sauntered up to the counter and made eye contact with Jasper. He paused in wiping out a glass, but only for a moment. Something in his looked definitely put me on edge.

"Hey there, Edward," he said. His voice sounded…cautious? Something was definitely up.

"Hey, Jasper," I responded. "How's everything goin'?"

"Business is good," he said. His eyes narrowed a bit. "What are you doin' here?"

I shrugged my shoulders up and down.

"The doctor cleared me," I told him. "I can work tonight."

I chuckled and ran my hand over my hair.

"I kind of have to," I admitted. "Rent's due tomorrow, and with the hospital stay and shit, I can't cover it. I can do challenge until closing. I'm up for it."

"Shit, Edward," Jasper said as he plopped the glass down on the counter. "I figured you and Tanya had this worked out. We got a new fighter."

"You got what?" I asked. That creepy-crawly feeling I had when I realized Bella had moved all her stuff out started coming back.

"A new fighter," Jasper repeated, as if I really needed to hear that again.

Yeah, yeah – I asked for it.

"What the fuck?" I asked.

"Tanya said she wasn't working with you anymore," Jasper said. "She brought in a new guy a couple days ago. Felix something-or-another."

_Felix something-or-another._ Yeah, Felix Hess – he worked out at the gym with me. He was about twice my size, and I knew exactly what Tanya had done. Not only had she replaced me, but she replaced me with someone outside my weight class so I couldn't even fight him if I wanted to. Not without putting on forty or fifty pounds. Hell, where I was right now was really down to middleweight – I'd probably have to gain sixty to have a chance.

"Sorry, dude," Jasper said. "I really thought you had it all worked out with her."

"You're the guy that pays me," I reminded him. "What difference does it make who's training me?"

"Edward, you know how this shit works. Tanya's my girl. She brings in the fighters. If I don't use the guy she wants, she takes her business to another bar and I got nobody running my fights – nobody bringing in challengers. You know that's the main attraction here."

"I'm the main attraction here!" I snarled back.

"You were," Jasper agreed. "But Felix is already growing on people."

"Fuck," I muttered. "Can I keep helping you out with the bar, like I was when I was recovering?"

"Shit," Jasper mumbled. "You know I only did that to help you when you were laid up – I don't need any bar help. It only cuts into my profits, which kinda suck as they are. I'm really sorry, dude. I'll give ya a reference or whatever, but I don't have anything for you here."

There was no arguing with him. Without bothering to even talk to Sam or Paul, I grabbed the couple of personal items I had in the locker room and left _Feet First_. As I walked, that slowly growing tingle of dread spread over my limbs and engulfed me.

There was no way in hell I was going to be able to raise rent in the next twenty four hours. I'd been there long enough that the landlord would probably let me slide a day, but not any longer than that. Banner had given me my money back, and I currently had about two-hundred and fifty in cash. I needed a hundred more to cover the rent.

Without fighting, I was completely and totally fucked.

I was trying my very best not to panic, but it wasn't easy. The clinic was probably still open, and it would have been a good time to get the prescription filled, but I didn't want to use even the five dollars Banner said it would cost.

Shit – what else could I do to earn money fast? Should I start looking for another place to fight? Bella never did like the whole fighting thing, so maybe it was some kind of blessing. At least, it would have been if I had enough money for rent tomorrow.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

I wanted Bella here so I could talk to her. I didn't want to worry her or anything, I just wanted her here. I wanted to talk and hold her and…

_Damnit._

My butt dropped onto the couch, and my head dropped into my hands. I growled audibly, ran my hands through my hair, and glared at the broken table in front of me. The journal was on it, and I reached over and flipped to the page where I had my list and added _Get a job_ to the top.

The page next to it was still blank. I stared at it for a moment and decided maybe I could talk to Bella after all. Well, sort of. I picked up the pen on the table and started to write.

_Bella,_

_I want to be better for you. I know I told you to get an abortion, but I was just afraid of something happening to you. I still can't stand the thought of something happening to you, and it scares the shit out of me. But if you want to have it, then I want to be there with you. I don't know how to say the shit that's in my head, I just know I want to be in your life. If we're going to have a baby, I want us all together as a family._

_I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do to support you so you can finish school, but I'm not going to fight anymore. I thought you'd like that._

_I love you._

_Edward_

I wondered if I should tear it out and shove it under Tanya's apartment door or something, but I was afraid she didn't want to hear from me. There was no guarantee Tanya wouldn't just pitch it before Bella saw it anyway. I knew she wouldn't do that, but the work thing – that pissed me off. She knew I had no other way to make money, and she knew I was going to have to be able to help Bella. Even if Bella never spoke to me again, I still had to get money to her for the baby.

Our baby.

Fucking hell.

I just didn't know why Tanya would do something like that. I knew she was pissed, and she had every right to be, but that just seemed low.

Swallowing hard, I tossed the journal on the table, grabbed all the money I had, and then went to the landlord to see if we'd be able to work anything out. He took the cash I handed him, thumbed through it, and then glared up at me.

"You're a hundred short," he said.

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. "I was hoping maybe you could give me a couple more days. I'll get it, I just need a little-"

"No," he said simply. "I don't do extensions, and you've been here long enough to know that. Get it all on time or get out."

"It's just that I lost my job, and-"

"No!" he yelled as his eyes focused in on me. "Not another fucking word about it, or you can get out with or without the rent!"

My hands clenched, and I had the feeling this motherfucker was going to get the brunt of the aggression I should have been using in the cage tonight.

"Fuck you!" I yelled as I pointed a finger at him. "I've lived here forever, always been a good tenant, and I've never so much as been a day late before. You can give me until Monday at least!"

"No, I can't and I won't." He leaned forward over the desk with one hand flat on the surface. The other hand was underneath the desk, but I didn't think anything of it. "I don't like your tone of voice, and if you think you're going to threaten me, you can get the fuck out. You can get out of here now, bring me the rest of the rent tomorrow, or get you and your shit the fuck out of my building."

His hand came up from underneath the desk, and I was suddenly looking down the barrel of sawed-off shotgun. Part of me wondered how I had managed to walk into a hillbilly horror movie, but most of me just went very, very still.

"I don't make exceptions," he snarled. "I know you think you're some big-shot whatever you are, but I don't care. No rent, no apartment. You've got until tomorrow at noon to hand me the cash or get your shit out. I'll toss it on the street and change the locks."

I started to open my mouth again, but thought better of it. I really didn't think he would hesitate to pull the trigger if he decided I might come at him, and chances are he'd get away with it, too. He probably had before.

Backing up slowly, I held my hands up where he could see them and kept heading towards the door.

"You know what?" he added. "Forget it. Just get your shit out now."

"Come on," I said. I was very, very careful about keeping my voice low. "I've lived here a long time – you gotta give me a little bit. I'll see if I can come up with-"

"No!" he snapped. "I don't like your attitude, and I don't care if you pull the cash out of your ass right now. I'm through with you. Get out!"

"Give me my money back, at least."

"Fuck you," he said with a sneer. "You have an hour to get your shit out before a group of guys a lot bigger and nastier than you come in there and fuck you up the ass. We clear?"

The click of the trigger ended the argument, and I hustled out of there as quickly as I could.

My heart was pounding, though I didn't think it had a whole lot to do with the gun pointed at my face. I felt like I was caught up in some ridiculous life-avalanche of crappy shit happening to me. I tried to figure out what I should do, but all my brain thought about was how much easier it would be to cope with all of it if I had a little smack in my system.

I walked into the apartment – not _ours_ anymore, not _mine_ anymore, just _the_ apartment now – and leaned heavily against the door. I glanced around and wondered where I could store my stuff while I came up with the money to find another place to live.

"But I just _cleaned_ the damn place!"

…

The problem with being homeless because you have lost your job is that you can't get a legitimate job without an address. You can't even fill out the fucking application, and there's no way for them to call you back in later if you don't have a God-damned phone.

I made twelve bucks helping people carry groceries to their cars until the grocery store manager called the cops. It was enough to feed me for a few days, at least. It wasn't even close to getting me to where I needed to be.

When I went to the hospital to seek out Doctor Banner, I found out there had been some sort of family emergency and he had left town suddenly. They didn't know when he would be returning. I still had the little card for the therapist, but I didn't want to call her. She didn't know me from Adam, and I wasn't going to call some chick head shrinker I had never met before and ask her for a place to stay.

I'd been on the streets for nearly a week, and I was just about to lose my mind. It was still early enough in the spring to be damn cold at night, and though Crazy Alice didn't seem to mind me leaving my stuff at her place, I couldn't stay in the same building without the landlord seeing me. Frankly, I was fairly certain he'd shoot me on sight.

Under other circumstances I might have just let him. I couldn't do that now, though – I had to find a job. I had to think about Bella and make sure she got whatever she needed to be healthy. It was the only thing that had kept me going, but even that was beginning to wane. Part of it was the insanity of the situation, but another big part of it was the familiarity of the scene. I was back in the really shitty area of town, primarily because it was one of the few areas where you could get away with sleeping on a bench or in an alley without a cop or someone kicking you out. In the past I had stayed at a homeless shelter there when I wasn't squatting, but the shelter was in the process of being rebuilt, and the part that was open was totally overbooked.

I was only a couple blocks away from Max's place at any given time, and I knew there were things I could do to get a bed for the night, some smack, and maybe even something to eat. I didn't want to go that route, though there were several different options. There was even a good chance he's recruit me to go out and sell for him.

Yeah, Bella would love hearing that. Daddy's a dealer.

Every day it was harder to stop myself from going there. I kept telling myself that it was just to get a dry place to sleep for the night, but I knew what would happen if I went there. There was no way I was going to be that close to junk without finding a way to get it.

I was totally fucked and totally fucked up.

No job, no place to live, and no Bella.

Wandering in what appeared to be an aimless fashion, part of me knew I was spiraling towards Max's abode. I didn't want to go that way, but my feet went that direction anyway. I squeezed my eyes shut, stumbled a little, and reminded myself again that if I went that way the slight glimmer of hope would be gone.

There was a little doorway just off the street. It might have been the entrance to a shop or something at one point, but it didn't look like it had been used for some time. There was a padlock on the handle of the door. I veered right and shoved my shoulder up against the doorjamb.

The door didn't move or anything, but it kept me from going forward.

It started to rain.

Fucking _rain_.

Was this never going to end?

Knocking the back of my head against the doorway actually helped me focus a bit. I considered just going and finding someone to annoy in the hopes of getting into a fight, but the people around here would never engage in a fair fight, and I didn't need to be stabbed again.

What the fuck was I going to do? How was I going to make myself better for Bella if I had even less now than I did when she walked out? No one would hire me without an address, and I couldn't get an address without a job. Outside of Tanya, I didn't really have any friends I could turn to. Even if Bella hadn't been staying with her, I was pretty sure Tanya meant what she said. Asking her for help wasn't going to be successful.

Shivering in the doorway, I ducked my head between my knees and wrapped my arms around my shoulders. I tried to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me just how to make it all go away – all the hurt, all the pain – just for a little while.

_She said she wanted me to be clean._

_She said for the sake of the baby – there isn't a baby yet. You can get clean again…_

"She said…she said…" My voice broke, and tears mingled with the flow of rain over my head.

_I don't want to be like this…I don't…I don't…_

The light rain increased, and heavy clouds blocked out the sun almost entirely. There was a bit of shelter where I was sitting next to the building, but I was going to be soaked before too long. Not that it mattered – nothing else mattered except getting Bella back.

I had to find I way.

I had to do something.

What? What could I do?

My eyes glanced up the street, where I knew I could score all the dope I wanted for just a little indignity. My throat bobbed as I swallowed, and I ran the back of my hand over my face to wipe away the rain. I might not have any money, but there was always a way if you were willing.

Just one needle.

One time.

I'd just use it to get myself back together again, and then I could think straight and figure out what I should do next. A flash of a daydream into a potential future when I had to tell Bella about the one last time I used and what I had to do to get the money for the drugs slammed into my head.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

What else could I do?

My choices were becoming fewer and fewer all the time.

_Could do it for the money instead of the smack…_

No.

Fuck no.

Just one needle.

I pushed myself up using the door as leverage and then stumbled down the street. I tried to tell myself I wasn't headed anywhere in particular, but looming ahead of me was a group of whores sharing needles and blowing guys as they pulled up in their cars.

Just a couple blocks away.

Gunfire startled me, and I looked to the opposite side of the street where two guys were running out of the alley. They jumped into the back of a rusted out Monty Carlo, which then sped off down the middle of the road, nearly taking out one of the hookers in the process.

She flipped it off and screamed a few choice words at them as she stood in the middle of the street.

"Hey, man?" An elderly guy with tightly curled white hair on the top of his head stumbled from the edge of the building. "You got a light?"

"Uh…yeah…" I managed to mumble. I pulled my lighter out of my pocket and handed it to the guy.

"Got any cigarettes?"

_Nice._

I handed him one, which he lit with a shaking hand before thanking me and dropping back to the ground near the edge of the building where the rain wasn't quite as heavy. He crawled a few feet over to a large cardboard box with a concave roof so he could smoke without the rain putting it out.

My attention went back to the junkies near the corner. They were all standing in the rain shooting up and looking about as miserable as they could be. Except that I knew they didn't _feel_ miserable. They felt fucking fantastic.

_She wants you clean._

"She doesn't want anything from me," I muttered. "I've got nothing to give her. Better off this way."

My throat seized, and I had to stop for a moment and lean against the wall. I turned my head up to the sky, and rain poured down over me – soaking me completely. The heels of my hands pressed into my eye sockets, and my stomach cramped.

Doubling over, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and squeezed my eyes shut. After a minute or so, I managed to start breathing right again, but my head was still swimming from hyperventilating. Inside, my little head-voices battled with each other.

_I need Bella._

_She doesn't want you._

"I don't deserve her," I whispered. "Not like this. She shouldn't have to be with someone like this, not when she's…she's…"

Heated wetness filled my eyes and poured down my cheeks.

"She's having my baby."

Biting down on the insides of my cheeks was the only way I managed to keep from screaming out loud – not that anyone around here would have noticed or cared. I stumbled across the street and into the alley, nearly tripping over the body lying near the edge. Glancing down, I saw his eyes wide open and staring blankly at the sky. I shuddered a little and moved to the other side of the alley before going any farther.

It had been years since I had really been around this part of town, but I mostly remembered where things were. There wasn't much, honestly – a liquor store, which was really a front for an illegal gambling joint, and a cheap tobacco place with at least one busted out window. There was one other relic near the edge of the street, and as I moved closer to it I hoped and prayed it was still functional. Surprisingly enough, when I pushed back the folding doorway of the phone booth, there was still a functioning telephone inside of it.

Shuffling around in my pockets, I managed to come up with enough change for a local call. I could barely hold the coins steady enough to drop them down the slot, but eventually managed to get a dial tone. My finger jammed all the right numbers in sequence. I took a long, deep breath, and then put the handset to my ear.

"Hello?" a familiar voice spoke easily into the phone. There was some noise in the background, and I figured he was in the car.

"Um…hey Aro," I said.

"Edward?" He was definitely surprised.

"Yeah, it's me," I told him.

"It's a pleasure to hear from you," he said. "I can't say it was expected, though. The last I saw you I thought you were going to deck my brother during my step-son's reception."

"Yeah…heh…" I had no idea if I should laugh it off, apologize, or remind him it was Emmett's manipulative little spouse that dragged me there in the first place. I might have tried to go the latter route, but I just didn't have the mental imagery, so I went with the fastest option. "Sorry about that."

"Are you?" he said quietly.

"Not really," I admitted.

A quick breath into the phone was followed by Marcus' voice in the background, but I couldn't hear what he said.

"I'm already late," Aro said to him. "Just take the freeway."

There was some more mumbling in the background before he came back to me.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of your contact?" Aro asked. "I've got to go speak at one of those jewelers' shows over at the convention center. Your father is stuck in Lima working out the purchase of a new mine, so everything else has been left to me at the moment."

"Oh, uh…" I still had no idea what to say. I coughed a little, and reached into my pocket to fish out a cigarette.

"Edward?" Aro called into the phone. "Are you all right?"

"Um…I guess…no?" I didn't mean it to sound like a question, but the weight of everything came crashing back down on my shoulders, and I lowered myself down to the floor of the phone booth to keep from falling over. Without warning, I started crying audibly.

"What's wrong?" Aro asked, his tone definitely alarmed now. "Edward? What is it?"

"Bella…she…she left," I told him.

"Oh, Edward," Aro hummed. "I'm sorry. The two of you seemed to get on so well."

"I fucked it up," I whispered into the phone. "It wasn't her at all – I just fucked it all up."

I took a deep drag on the cigarette, and then started coughing again as the rain increased around the little glass booth. Thunder boomed across the sky overhead, and a couple drunks stumbled out of the package liquor store and meandered down the sidewalk.

"If I had the money, I'd find me a bitch to fuck!" one of them announced to the other as they walked by.

His companion smacked him on the back – which almost made him fall over – and they continued along.

Tossing the cigarette to the wet ground, I took a deep breath and brew it out.

"I really fucked up."

"You know I'm always here for you," Aro told me. "Despite all the shit in the past. Even if you had hit Carlisle and set fire to the wedding cake, I'd still be here for you. That's what family is about, Edward. Have you forgotten that completely?"

My throat tightened, and my eyes burned again. I reached up and ran my hand under my nose and sniffed.

"Yes," I whispered.

There was a long pause on the other side of the phone.

"Want me to pick you up and go find a place for coffee?" Aro asked. "That little mom and pop place you always liked as a kid is still open, despite the major chain moving in just down the street."

"You said you had to speak," I reminded him.

"I could use an excuse to get out of it," he informed me. "I hate those things."

"Uh…yeah," I said. "Okay."

"Are you at your apartment?"

"Ah…no." I ran my hand over my head and down my face. "I'm…um…I've…_shit_."

"What is it?" Aro asked. He sounded even more alarmed now. "Do I need to bring bail money?"

"No…I just…well, I don't have the apartment anymore."

"I see," Aro said with a bit of a sigh. "Where are you now?"

"A phone booth," I said. "Um…near Central and Ninth."

"Did I hear that right?"

"Yeah, probably." When it came to the bad sections of town, this area pretty much took the prize.

"Shit," Aro muttered. "Edward, are you…are you using again?"

"Trying not to," I answered, and my voice broke.

"Marcus – exit here, head south," Aro's muted voice called out. "Edward, head to…"

He paused for a moment, and he must have had his hand over the receiver, because I could hear his voice but not make out the words. He quickly came back.

"There's a shoe repair shop about two blocks down," he told me. "They should still be open. Go there. I'll be there in…twenty-two minutes, if this GPS is to be believed."

"Okay." I glanced down at the last four dollars I had in my wallet. "Um…Aro?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"You said…um…you always said if I needed something…"I let my voice trail off, hoping he'd just remember and I wouldn't have to say it. When the pause got to be too long, I spit it out. "You always said if I needed something, I could come to you."

"I have always said that, "Aro agreed. "So what do you need from me, Edward?"

"I need a job," I said.

I was never one to swallow my pride, but sometimes it's the only choice you can make.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Savage? Savage? SAVAGE! That is quite enough heart fail now, thank you!

Hang in there. He really does have to get to the point where he contacts the family before he can begin to make progress. I know – no Bella in this chapter, so we don't know how she's dealing with it all. She shall return next week!

If you didn't see, I have published my first short story! It's called Otherwise Alone, and is available on the Kindle exclusively through Amazon. Link is on my FF profile page and blog! Don't have a Kindle? There are free Kindle reader apps for most devices and Smart phones available at Amazon!

Happy, happy holidays to everyone!

See you next week!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	25. Swallow the Pride

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Thank you all so much for the support of my first book! I really appreciate it! Otherwise Alone is available on Amazon as an ebook! Link in my profile! Please take a moment and hit "like" on it! Thank you!

Thanks to DK for the beta, and Deeper water for working out the Caged reading group questions!

And now let's all get through this, mmmkay?

**"Maybe it's time for a change."**

* * *

**Chapter 25 – Swallow the Pride  
**

"Jesus, Edward, you're a mess."

Aro hauled me into the back of the car with Marcus' help. The rain had turned bitterly cold, and I was shivering in my light-weight jacket. Marcus took the gym bag I had over my shoulder and tossed it in the trunk of the Rolls Royce.

"Is there a blanket back there?" Aro called out the open window.

"Of course, sir," Marcus replied. A moment later, he wrapped one of those plaid stadium blankets around my shoulders.

Very little was said as Marcus drove us to Aro's mansion on the far north side of the city. I stared out the window and watched streetlights and cars go by, trying to keep any and all thoughts out of my head at the same time. Thinking just…_hurt_.

Aro must have called ahead to let his wife know I had contacted him because she was waiting for us on the porch when the car drove around the driveway. She even held the door open as I stumbled into the foyer and tried not to slip on the marble floors with my wet shoes.

I kicked them off, and Aro's butler hauled my shoes off with a look of distaste. I ignored him and the looks he gave me. Chelsea came over and smiled up at me cautiously.

"Come with me," she said softly.

She took my hand and led me up the stairs – as if I had forgotten where the bathroom was. I didn't have any strength to do anything but follow her lead, so I just watched passively as she sat me down on a stool near the tub and drew me a bath.

"Bubbles?" she asked.

I had just enough strength to raise an eyebrow at her, which made her laugh.

"Don't tell him I told you," she said, "but Emmett loves bubble baths. He says they're just so relaxing when you've had a long day or things just aren't going well. You look like you could use some of that."

Without waiting for me to respond, she dumped some purple liquid right under the spout and bubbles began to form. A mental image of Emmett – all six feet, four inches of him – in the same tub covered in fluffy bubbles made me snicker a little.

"Don't knock it until you try it," Chelsea said with a smile.

She fussed around with the tub a bit more – smoothing out the bubbles so they weren't all at one end and adjusting the water's temperature. She pulled large, fluffy white towels out from under the sink and placed them on the counter.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "I mean, I fucked up your son's wedding, and I don't think we've said ten words to each other in ten years."

Chelsea's brow furrowed.

"You're Aro's nephew," she explained simply. "I've been waiting to do this for you since you went away all those years ago. We've even talked about it…"

"Talked about it?" It was my turn to be confused. "What do you mean? Who's talked about it?"

"Aro and I have," she told me. "When he would worry about you, we'd talk about how someday you would come back to the family. Aro thought you might come back here first, and we knew you had been in such a bad way…well, we figured you would need a little TLC when you decided to ask for it. It was so hard for him to stop asking you to come home, but it made you so angry when he brought it up. Aro was afraid you would get really hurt out there, and it made him feel better when we'd talk and plan for this day."

Chelsea's eyes glistened as she looked at me.

"He loves you so much, Edward."

I stared at her blankly. I remembered how often Aro used to come around and try to get me to talk to him – open up, come back home, take a job offer – but I had always told him to fuck off and leave me alone. Eventually he didn't come around as much, and I ended up with visits once or twice a year with a much more subtle approach.

I had always been a total dick towards him when he came around.

"No one ever gave up on you, dear," she said like she was reading my mind. "When you pushed everyone away, we knew it was just a matter of time. You can't drag someone back from darkness until they're ready to go with you."

She shut off the water, stood up, and came over to me. She reached out and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me against her. Reflexively, I placed my arms around her middle.

"This should be your own mother doing this," Chelsea said softly as she shook her head. "But somehow I don't think you want me to call her."

My tongue darted out over my lips, and I leaned my forehead against Chelsea's shoulder. She smelled like fruit salad.

"Not right now," I replied quietly.

She leaned back and placed her hands on my cheeks.

"She misses you so much," she said. "They both do."

I stiffened, and my shoulders crushed inward against my body at her words. When I glanced at her, there were tears in her eyes, even though she smiled through them.

"I'll leave you to it." She waved a hand at the tub. "There are some of Emmett's pajamas on the counter for you. Aro's having the cook make up a decent dinner – it doesn't look like you've been eating well."

I decided not to give her the details of just how accurate that statement was.

Chelsea closed the door behind her, and I dropped my wet clothes on the floor before sinking into the tub. It was warm, and the bubbles smelled nice. Feminine, to be sure, but it didn't smell like Bella. The scent probably would have reminded me of my grandmother if I could remember her at all, but I couldn't. My father's mother died when I was a baby, and my other grandmother had passed before I was born.

The bath felt good enough that I didn't even care that I was going to end up smelling like an elderly woman. I leaned back against the end of the tub and sunk down to my chin with my eyes closed.

The hot water warmed me, and the food Aro's cook made nourished my body. After I couldn't eat any more, Aro took me up to one of the guest rooms and helped me crawl into the bed. He probably wanted to talk to me some more, but I was out as soon as my head made contact with the pillow.

…

Waking up in Aro's house was surreal.

There was a desperate, childish part inside my mind that wanted to convince me that everything was just a dream, and I was currently back in high school after having spent too many hours playing video games in the basement rec room with Emmett and Rose, and it had been too late to drive back home. As tempting as it was, the pounding in my head, itching on the inside of my arm, and knowledge that there was a woman out there who needed my help, and I was too big of a mess to give it to her brought me back to reality quickly.

I rolled over on the soft Egyptian cotton sheets and rubbed my face on the pillow case of the same material. After all these years, it still seemed familiar. Strangely enough, I didn't find the comfort comforting. I would have preferred to wake up on my one hundred and fifty thread count sheets from Big Lots with my arms wrapped around Bella. That was my definition of comfort.

I yawned and shook my head a bit. Except for my thumping head, I didn't feel too bad. I had slept pretty well and wondered how much of that had to do with a long soak in lavender scented water.

"Are you awake?"

Aro appeared in the doorway, and I waved him in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess," I responded with a shrug. I propped myself up on the pillows and took a few breaths. "Better, definitely. Thanks."

"Chelsea thinks you're going to stay," Aro said as he sat down in the chair next to the bed. "I told her not to get her hopes up…well, _my_ hopes up, really."

As much as my pride wanted me to just say a quick thanks and get out, I couldn't do that anymore.

"Can I?" I asked quietly. "I mean – just for a while? Until I can get my shit together?"

"You can stay here as long as you want," Aro told me. The relief and excitement in his eyes was obvious. "I'd like nothing more."

"Are you gonna…gonna tell Dad I'm here?"

"Not if you don't want me to," he said, "though at some point he's going to notice. He and Esme do come to dinner on Sundays."

"I'll make myself scarce," I offered.

"You know that isn't going to be enough."

"What day is it?" I asked.

Aro let out a long breath.

"Wednesday."

"Then I have a while to think about it, right?" I said. "I can't wait to get myself together, or I'm screwed."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella…she said I had to do some stuff before she'd…well, before she'd consider taking me back. I need a better job-"

"What the fuck?" he muttered.

"It's not like that!" I snapped back, knowing he had misunderstood. "She just…she needs me to be right…for her and…"

"And?" Aro asked when I didn't continue.

I shook my head, crawled out from under the sheets, and went to my gym bag on the other side of the room. I opened it up and pulled the fabric covered book out of it. I turned the page over and showed him what had become of my original list.

_Make a list_

_Clean the apartment_

_Make appointment with the head shrinker_

_Get the psycho prescriptions filled_

_Talk to Mom_

_Get my shit together_

_Get Bella back_

_Get a job_

_Don't buy smack_

_Find a better place to sleep_

Aro read over the list, including the few things I had added since being on the streets.

"We can cross these out," he said as he pointed to the last two items.

I nodded.

"I just need a job," I finally said. "Tanya dropped me as a fighter, and I can't find any other work. I didn't have the rent money, and now…well, I can't find another job. I need money for Bella."

"You said you broke up with her," Aro reminded me.

"She left," I corrected.

"I think I'm missing something here," Aro said. "Why do you need money for Bella if you are no longer together? Are you supposed to pay her to get back with you?"

"No!" I yelled. "She isn't like that!"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time," he said cynically.

"I don't have anything, Aro!" I reminded him. "It's not like Rosalie and her grubby little hands trying to get everything for herself!"

"You do, too!" he growled back, ignoring my comment about his now daughter-in-law. "You know it, and plenty of other people know it. There's never been a change to the will, Edward – all of this belongs to you in the end."

"I don't want it."

"Doesn't stop it from being yours," Aro replied. "You'll own a controlling interest in the hotels, too."

The palms of my hands dug into my eye sockets as I growled inwardly. I didn't want to think about all that shit, let alone talk about it.

"I need money for Bella," I said.

"Why?" Aro asked. He leaned back a little and crossed his arms as he eyed me expectantly.

"She's pregnant," I finally said quietly.

Aro's eyes widened.

"Does she know?" he asked in a hushed voice. "I mean…about…about…"

"Angela," I whispered. My stomach tightened, and I leaned forward a bit to try and hold myself together.

Aro's head tilted forward once in acknowledgement.

"I told her, but it was too late," I went on. "I'd already fucked it all up. I have to be able to help her, Aro. Even if she won't talk to me, she doesn't have the money or the doctor and vitamins and all that shit. I need to be able to support her so she stays healthy. If anything happens to her…"

I couldn't say anything else, and Aro nodded solemnly.

"Maybe you should tell me what happened."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, rested my chin on my knees, and recounted the last couple of weeks to Aro. I managed to get through it without actually vomiting, though I considered it a couple of times.

"So, I gotta have a job," I finished. "I gotta make enough to be able to support her, and I can't fight at the moment – not without someone to get the fights lined up and train me and shit."

"Bella doesn't like the fighting anyway," Aro reminded me. "Maybe it's time for a change."

My head moved slowly back and forth as I looked at my uncle.

"I'll do anything," I told him.

"You've got a job with me," he said. "I'll get you set up on payroll Monday, and you can stay here as long as you like. Has Bella…has she gone to a doctor yet? How far along is she?"

"I don't know. Shit, Aro I have no idea!"

The panic I had been fighting against for days was dangerously close to overwhelming me again. My hands started shaking, and my lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air. My head started to get dizzy, and I jumped when Aro's hand made contact with my skin.

"Whoa, Edward!" Aro's hand rested on my arm. "Relax – we're going to work all this out."

I shook my head.

"There's nothing," I whispered. "Nothing I can do – not now. It's too late."

"None of that now," Aro said gently. "The Edward I've known all his life is still in there somewhere, and he never gave up on anything. This ranks up there with the top most important things in your life, so you're not going to give up now. If you were going to, you'd have a needle in your arm instead of sitting here with me."

Raising my head, my eyes met his, and we looked at each other for a long moment.

"I don't know what to do," I said quietly. "Everything is in her hands – I don't have any choices here."

"Of course you do," Aro argued. "You have total choice over how you decide to react to all of this. So let's focus on that, shall we?"

I nodded.

"Okay," Aro said as he took a long breath, "let's think about the goals here."

"Goals?"

"You must have a goal," Aro told me. "Don't you remember? Figure out where you are, where you want to be, then start taking steps to get there."

"That sounds like something Dad would say."

"He did," Aro confirmed. "Many times. So what's first?"

"I need work," I said.

"No – goals first," he contradicted. "Getting a job is just a stepping stone, not the end goal. What's your end goal?"

His dark eyes focused right on mine and held me there for a moment. I knew exactly what he was saying – it was a lesson ingrained in me from a very early age. Figure out what you want or need, then come up with the steps to attain it. Know your target, then set your sights and make it happen.

"I want my family – me, Bella, and the baby. I want us all together."

Aro's smile spanned across his whole face in a way that was probably really creepy to anyone who didn't know him. His eyes widened and his eyebrows rose as he gave me a broad smile.

"Now _that's_ a goal!"

…

After arguing for quite some time over the breakfast table, Aro and I managed to rule out a ton of potential positions with the hotel side of the business. He wanted to set me up as an executive and give me six figures, and I reminded him that I never did get that business degree and didn't have a high school diploma for that matter.

The lack of diploma limited the jobs I was qualified to even apply for, and I wasn't willing to take nepotism to the next level by allowing him to hand over a job I wasn't even remotely capable of doing. Despite everything else, I still had an ounce of pride left, and I knew I didn't need anywhere near the kind of money Aro was offering. I just needed a basic job with a steady paycheck.

Aro hauled over a laptop and started searching the database of open positions. Almost all of them at least required a high school diploma, and Aro was trying to push me away from doing janitorial work around one of the buildings. I rolled my eyes and let him keep looking, though I was pretty certain it was going to be the only one I was qualified to do.

At nine-fifty an hour, I could at least work enough hours and make enough money to get Bella some health care. Aro seemed to think I would lose my mind doing such work, and I wasn't going to argue that point. It didn't matter, though, because I was going to lose my mind if I didn't get Bella back, and this was still the first step.

"Hmm…" Aro hummed as he tapped a finger on the mouse button. "This could be interesting."

"What's that?" I asked. I moved a little closer so I could see the screen.

"If I recall, you did a little stone setting in your youth, did you not?"

"Yeah, I guess," I said. "Not a lot or anything, but I can do the basics. Bezel and tube settings, at least."

"Well maybe we have something for you here." Aro looked over to me with his brows raised. "It's one of the main shops – the one over on Glendale. There are two open positions for stone setters."

He pointed out the relevant portion of the website listings, and I leaned over to get a better look. The position was looking for someone who could do fairly simple bezel and burnish settings, which I had done many times in my sophomore year of high school. I was no expert at it, but I had made a few nice pieces for my mother's birthday that year.

"That's your basic sweat shop, isn't it?" I asked. "I mean, it's not like you get a lot of artistic work going on there. Just set a stone and move on, right?"

"True," Aro agreed, "but you're qualified for it."

The top of his finger tapped the screen, and I looked over at the qualifications. He was right – it wasn't demanding a high school diploma and only looking for minimal experience. For the briefest moment, I was hit with a wave of optimism.

Then something else hit me.

"You don't run any of the jewelry side of things," I said.

"Ah…no, I don't," Aro admitted.

"You can't give me this job." I sat back in the chair and folded my arms across my chest. My skin was tingling as the implications of what he was trying to set up became clear. "I'd be working for my father."

"Very, very loosely," Aro explained. "It's not like you would be in the building where he works. You would likely never see him."

"But it's still working for him," I repeated.

"Yes, technically, it would be."

"Fuck, Aro!" I stood up and glared down at him.

"Eighteen an hour, Edward!" Aro stood up beside me. "It's that or the janitor's position, and this one is nearly twice the pay. What's better for Bella?"

He was getting a little frustrated with me, I could tell. Not that it wasn't warranted. I didn't have the slightest idea how to do any of the positions we'd talked about. Even cleaning out toilets was hardly my forte. This one though – I knew how to do this. I'd be rusty and out of practice, but I remembered the basics. If I was completely honest, I had once even enjoyed the task.

"Fuck you," I muttered, but all the fight was gone from me.

"Does that mean…?" Aro looked at me pointedly, trying to read between the lines of my obnoxious phrasing.

"I'll apply for it," I sighed.

"Good! Now let's get something that at least resembles a resume together, shall we?"

Chimes came from Aro's pocket, and he sighed as he reached down and looked at the display before shoving the phone back into his pocket.

He pulled the laptop over and started fumbling around with a couple of different resume templates. We got all my information in, including his address as my own. We even used some of my messing around in the bar as experience and put Jasper down as a reference.

Aro's phone rang again, but he glanced down and then ignored it. When it continued to buzz in his pocket, he finally gave up.

"Damnit," he growled. "I don't know who this is, but let me grab it so they'll stop interrupting."

"It's all right," I mumbled. I walked over to the window and looked out over the hill where a thin sliver of the river was visible while he answered and started talking to someone. I wondered if I had time to sneak outside for a smoke without Chelsea noticing what I was doing.

The woman speaking to Aro must have been pretty ticked off or upset about something – I could hear the sound of her voice across the room, though the words were too muffled to be understood. Aro couldn't seem to get a word in edgewise, and the look of his face was comically tense. Finally he raised his voice.

"Bella, please just calm down!" he yelled. "Edward's fine..."

His eyes met mine, and I felt my guts drop into my shoes.

"He's right here with me now."

"Let me talk to her," I said as I moved across the room quickly. I wanted it to be a demand – an order – but it was nothing more than a plea. I could still hear the voice that was now painfully familiar as I approached my uncle.

"Maybe it would be better for him to explain," Aro was saying. "He'd like to speak with you."

I grabbed the phone from his hand.

"Bella?"

"Edward! Edward!" The sweetest damn voice in the world was right there in my ear, and the inability to actually see her face or touch her skin was making my insides want to explode outwards.

"I'm here," I whispered.

"Oh God," she sobbed, but her words were all garbled by crying and I couldn't understand anything she was saying.

"Slow down!" I cried into the phone. "Just… are you all right? God, please – Bella – tell me you're all right!"

The seven seconds it took for her to catch her breath enough to make sense were the longest moments of my life.

"I'm fine," she sniffed.

I breathed out a slight sigh, but it wasn't enough.

"And…and are you…I mean, are you still…" I choked on my own words. "Is everything okay with you? With…um…the…"

"I'm still pregnant, yes."

My body relaxed with a much more audible sigh.

"I was so worried," she said. "When they gave me the subpoena, the officer asked if I knew where to find you. They had looked everywhere."

"Subpoena?"

"We have to go to court to testify against Jacob," she told me. "It's for the sentencing, since he pled guilty to aggravated assault or something like that. The police said they had tried to serve you at home and work, but couldn't locate you."

"Yeah, things have been a little…crazy," I admitted.

"I went to the apartment, but no one answered when I knocked. I was worried, so I tried to open the door with my key, but it didn't work. Then this lady came up the stairs and started yelling at me to get away from _her_ apartment."

Bella started to cry again.

"Bella – where are you?"

"I'm at _Feet First_," she said. "I just punched Tanya."

"You _what_?" I yelled into the phone.

"I need to see you, Edward."

I looked up at Aro.

"Can I borrow Marcus and a car?"

"Of course."

"Bella, I'll be there as soon as I can," I told her. "Just stand out front with Sam, okay?"

"Okay." She sniffed again.

As much as I hated to do it, I hung up the phone and handed it back to Aro. A minute later, I was in the back of the Rolls and Marcus was heading down the drive.

"Do you know where we're going?" I asked Marcus.

"Of course, Mister Cullen," Marcus replied. "I've taken your uncle to that particular venue many times."

I tried to remember how many times Aro had come to _Feet First_ and knew it was a lot more often than once a year. I'd catch glimpses of him every now and again, but usually chose to ignore him. Sometimes he'd approach me, but usually he gave up and left without saying anything.

How many times? How many times had he been there, trying to help me, and I'd just been a complete ass to him? How many times had Emmett done the same thing? How many times had Chelsea called just to have me hang up on her?

God, I was a dick.

Aro had come to make sure I was all right in Portland, and I had punched him for making what was probably a pretty reasonable assumption about the kind of company I kept. Even after I did that, he stayed and tried to get to know Bella. He had even left us cash for the trip.

He knew I wouldn't ask for it, and he knew we must need it or we wouldn't have gone to his hotel in the first place. He'd done all of that for us…well, for me. He hadn't known Bella. He didn't want anything back from us. He was just…there. There for me.

_Fuck._

I rubbed the palms of my hands on my jeans and closed my eyes for a minute. My stomach was cramping up on me again, and there were so many fucked up things going on in my head, I didn't know which one to blame.

Glancing out the window, I recognized the area and knew we were close. There were a bunch of people standing around _Feet First_ – smoking and just hanging out. I couldn't see Bella at first, and I felt panic starting to well up inside of me.

She said she needed to see me, but what if she changed her mind? What if she realized what a total dick I was and decided to just head in any direction away from me – cut the ties, cut her losses – and just go?

Marcus pulled up to the curb just outside of the bar. Bella must have recognized the car, though it stood out in this neighborhood anyway, and immediately appeared through the middle of the crowd. She ran over to the car's back door, yanked it open, and jumped inside before Marcus had the chance to walk around to open it for her. The door slammed closed behind her, and she threw herself at me.

For the first time since she told me about being pregnant, everything felt right again.

Her scent was no longer just imagined, but surrounding me – filling the back of the car and my head with everything that was good and right in the world. My arms wrapped around her and pulled her against my chest, and she scrambled into my lap as Marcus maneuvered the car back into the street and towards the highway. I held on as tight as I could, like my whole being depended on her closeness.

Maybe it did.

As her tears hit my skin, I couldn't help but to cry with her. She cried into my shoulder and neck, and her body shook so hard I kept feeling like I could lose my grip on her.

Except I wasn't going to let that happen.

"I'm sorry!" Bella sobbed. "I'm so sorry! I never should have left you…"

"You should have…I deserved it, God, Bella, I'm sorry…I'll never let you down again, I swear…"

"I was just so scared, and I didn't know about it all…"

"I never told you anything…"

"I was afraid for the baby…"

"I was such a fucking asshole to you…to everyone…"

"You said you were using again…"

"You were just gone, and I freaked…"

"I didn't know what to do…"

"I'll never fail you again, Bella – I swear…"

It was overwhelming, cathartic, painful, elating, and exhausting. By the time we had both spewed out everything we wanted to say, we were sobbing into each other's shoulders and hanging on to each other as tightly as we could. My hand moved up and down her back, feeling the warmth of her body under my fingers. I tucked my head in the space between her neck and shoulder and inhaled.

There was nothing better than the scent of her skin. Not pizza or sex or H – nothing compared to her scent.

I pulled back and ran my hands over her face, still partially wondering if this was real or not. My thumbs pushed aside the tears of her cheeks, and my eyes stayed on hers as I moved closer. Though I had intended the kiss to be soft and gentle, Bella grabbed the back of my head and pulled me roughly against her mouth.

Moaning into her, I reciprocated – my lips, mouth, and tongue moving together to make her mine again. At the same time, she claimed me, and I wanted nothing more than to give myself to her in any and every way possible. I was hers – completely and fully.

When we finally parted, I just held her and stared into her face for the longest time. Bella turned slightly to sit across my lap with her arms around my neck, and my hand graced over her side. Looking down, I watched my hand move from her side over to the center of her belly. My fingers moved over the fabric of her shirt, massaging the area softly.

"Everything is okay, right?" I whispered.

"Yes," she said. "I mean, as far as I know…I guess?"

"You didn't see a doctor?"

"No," she responded with a shake of her head. "I asked how much it would be at the clinic, but I didn't have the money. Tanya's going to loan it to me. Well, she _was_."

"What the hell happened?" I asked.

"The police came to serve me with the subpoena," Bella said. "They asked if I knew where to find you, and I gave them the address, and they said you weren't living there anymore. I didn't think they were right, so I went to look – like I told you – and they were right."

"I didn't have enough money for rent," I admitted. "The asshole wouldn't give me a chance to come up with the rest, and…"

I trailed off, deciding I didn't really want her to think about the rest of that shit. Stress wasn't good for a pregnant woman, was it?

"I thought you would be working tonight," Bella continued, "but when I got there, Sam told me you stopped fighting there. Then I saw Tanya…"

Bella's eyes hardened.

"She didn't tell me! She got another fighter, and she never told me that you weren't fighting!"

"What did you do?"

"I asked her what the hell she thought you were going to do for money if you weren't fighting, and she said you weren't her problem anymore, and that I needed to let go and move on."

"And?" I prompted when she paused.

"And I punched her," Bella snarled with blazing eyes. "She fucking deserved it for doing that to you. How were you going to get to the doctor or therapy or anything if you didn't have a job?"

"It was…difficult," I replied. I didn't want to tell her I hadn't even managed to do any of that shit yet. I tensed until her face turned to mine, and her eyes softened as they focused on me.

"I didn't know where you might be," she said. "No one had seen you, so I called Aro. I thought maybe he would be able to help me find you. I never expected you to be there with him."

"Long story," I admitted with a shrug.

Another tear dripped down the side of her face, and her lip disappeared behind her teeth.

"Did you…I mean… were you…?"

"I didn't do it," I told her. "I wanted it, but I didn't use again. I'm still clean."

She let out a sigh of relief as she placed her head back on my shoulder.

"What do we do now?" she asked quietly against my skin.

My muscles tightened, and that horrible prickly feeling came over my flesh. I didn't know if she was going to leave me again or not, but the thought of hauling her off to a deserted island where it was just the two of us was very tempting.

"I want us to be together," I said softly. My fingers moved over her stomach again. "I know I ran off when I said I wouldn't, but I always intended to come back. I know I went off the deep end, but it won't happen again. Please…please don't leave me. I can't stand not being near you – not when you're…like this. Not when you're going to…to have a baby."

Bella's eyes filled with tears again, and I wondered if we could manage to flood the back of the Rolls.

"But you said…you said you didn't want the baby," Bella said, and her voice started to crack again. "You didn't want to have a baby, not at all! No one ever wanted me, and I wasn't about to have a baby who wasn't wanted by his father!"

_No one ever wanted me._

Her words echoed around in my mind, and I realized how fucking stupid I had been not to think of it before. Unlike what I had done, Bella had revealed her demons of the past to me when we were first together. Her fear of being unwanted and unlovable had tried to drive a wedge between us. The rejection from her mother as a young child, and then the influence of the Black's and their poisonous words telling her no one else would ever want her had taken their toll on her.

She thought I would feel the same way about the baby as her mother had felt about her.

"No, Bella," I told her. "It's not like that – it's not!"

"You don't want to be a father," she sniffed.

My eyes met hers as my hand cupped her cheek.

"I do," I whispered. "Ever since…since that time. I've always wanted to be a father."

"You wanted me to get -"

"I know what I said," I interrupted. "But it's not because I don't want to be a father, it's because all I could see when you told me about…when you told me you were pregnant…"

I paused and took a couple breaths before going on.

"I just kept seeing you…like Angela." I had to stop again to fight with the images looming in my head. Bella's arms tightened around me, and I hugged her back. "If something happens to you, Bella – it'll kill me. It's not that I don't want the baby, I just need you, too."

For many minutes we just held each other. Sometimes we'd look into each other's eyes, but mostly we just held onto one another with tears streaming down our faces. A few times our lips met gently, but for the most part I stared at her face and held on to her, afraid she was going to vanish from my arms.

Bella's fingers ran up over my cheek and across my jaw. She scratched lightly at the several days' worth of growth on my face, and then traced the little scar over my eyebrow with her fingers.

"You aren't going to find another fighting job?" she asked quietly.

"No," I said as I shook my head a little. "Um…I think I'm going to go work for…um…well, for my family's company. It'll be enough to support us…"

I let my voice fade out, not really sure if there was an _us_ to support.

Bella's fingers went up behind my head and brushed my hair backwards.

"You need a haircut," she sniffed.

My lips twitched into a half smile.

"You should have seen me yesterday," I said. "I look a lot better now."

Her brow furrowed, and I was sorry I had mentioned it.

"What do we do now?" I could barely hear Bella's words, but the message spoke volumes.

"I want to be with you," I said. I didn't dare look away from her – not for a second. "I want you close to me so I can protect you and keep you safe."

My fingers found her stomach again. Even though there wasn't yet any sign of pregnancy, I still felt drawn to the spot and the possibilities that were hidden beneath her skin.

A boy, a girl...new potential for a new beginning…for all of us.

"Please let me be our baby's father," I said as my eyes met hers. "Please let me try to be what you need me to be."

The doubt, concern, and tears in her eyes tried to rip me into pieces, but I held myself still as I waited, desperately, for her to respond. She seemed to study my face for a moment and then looked down at my hand on her stomach.

"Okay," Bella said quietly. "Let's try."

I was never one to beg, but this time it had definitely been worth it.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

One, two, three - SIGH!

Deep breaths - you survived! Now if he'll just get a shave and a haircut to go with that bath, I'm sure all will be fine.

**Otherwise Alone:**

If you didn't see, I have published my first short story! It's called Otherwise Alone, and is available on the Kindle exclusively through Amazon. Link is on my FF profile page and blog! Don't have a Kindle? There are free Kindle reader apps for most devices and Smart phones available at Amazon!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	26. Start the Healing

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone had a relaxing time with family and friends over the holiday season.

There was a little less Bella hate going on for the last chapter! :)

Thanks to DK for the beta reading and Deeper Water for the reading group questions! If you haven't checked them out, you need to stop over there! Link in my profile.

**"You're not going to fight anymore?"**

* * *

**Chapter 26 – Start the Healing**

"So, you really hit her?"

Bella's sly smile and the tinge of red on her cheeks confirmed it.

The guest bedroom had been a home away from home when I was a kid and felt even better with Bella lying next to me in the queen sized bed. I kept one arm around her back, so I could hold her close to me, and the other just kept touching parts of her like I was trying to make sure she was real. I touched her cheek, her hair, her shoulder, her hand and fingers, and then her stomach.

I always came back to her stomach, and the act produced a conglomerate of horribly conflicting feelings of remorse, terror, comfort, and joy.

Bella shifted in my arms, and then looked back to my face as she reached up to run her fingertips over the black and blue mark under my left eye – the one roughly shaped like Tanya's left hook.

"I'm so sorry all of that happened," Bella whispered as tears formed in her eyes again.

I reached up and wiped them away.

"Don't be," I said. "You didn't kick me out of the apartment, and I'm the one who spent the rent money on H. Tanya always beat me up when I relapsed – it was expected."

I licked my lips and looked away from her for a moment.

"I deserved it."

"Why did you do it?" Bella asked. Her fingers flicked the hairs on the back of my head around.

"Do what?" I asked with a humorless laugh. "I mean, I've done a lot of stupid shit lately."

"Go back to heroin."

"Oh." I tensed and tried to think of what I should say.

"I need to understand," she said.

I really had no idea how to explain it, but I didn't think I was going to get away with just saying I was a fuck up. Besides, Bella deserved a little more effort.

"It just…hurt too much," I whispered. "I couldn't shut it out – I couldn't stop thinking about you and…and what you said. I couldn't stop thinking about you being…on the floor…with blood. And there was nothing I could do because you were gone. I couldn't keep you safe."

"But why heroin?"

"It makes me stop thinking," I said. "When you shoot up, it's like everything else just melts and you stop feeling anything. It makes all the pain go away."

I turned my head so I was looking up at her.

"It hurt too much," I said. "Knowing you were out there and there was nothing I could do to keep you safe. Knowing the same thing could happen to you that…that…"

I swallowed and forced the rest out.

"The same thing that happened to Angela. I didn't get to her in time. If I had been with her earlier she might have been okay."

I took a long breath and blew it out.

"I couldn't take it," I admitted. "It was too much, and I think I was pretty much convinced you were going to die and I might not even know about it because I didn't know where you were. You could have dropped out of school or gone back to Washington for all I knew."

I tucked my head against her shoulder.

"It was all too overwhelming, and I hurt too much. I couldn't stand feeling like that."

"Did you feel like that again?" Bella asked. "I mean, after you got out of the hospital the second time? After I…after we talked, and I left?"

"Yes," I said.

"But you didn't use again?"

"No." I looked her in the eye. "I swear, Bella – I didn't touch it. Not at all."

"Why not?" she asked.

"What?"

"Why didn't you use this time?" she asked. "It was as bad as before – worse even. You didn't have a job or a place to live, but you didn't use. Why?"

"You…you were so mad," I said. I blinked a couple times as I focused back on her face. "You said I had to be clean if I…if I wanted you back…if I wanted to make it right. The only way you might let me protect you is if I stayed clean, so I had to."

My throat tightened up, and my eyes started to burn again.

"I wanted to," I told her. "I wanted to so bad…I thought about it all the time. It was right there, and it was so close. If I had money, I might not have been able to stop myself. But I was going to have to get money for drugs, and…well…"

I paused, trying to decide how much full discloser was really needed, and determined some things were best left unsaid.

"My options were limited," I finally said. "And I didn't want to have to tell you that I used again, or what I had to do to get the money."

Bella's fingers stilled against my face.

"You didn't, though, right?"

"I didn't," I said. "I swear."

Her fingers started to move again, and she stopped with the questions.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled the scent of Bella's hair as I held her against my chest. The bed was remarkably more comforting with her lying beside me and her hands covering my skin. Her fingers trailed lightly over the edge of my bicep.

"I missed these," she said quietly.

I tightened my grip on her, and she relaxed against me.

It was late – well past midnight – but I didn't think either of us had really tried to go to sleep. We hadn't tried to do anything except hold each other and look at each other. I was perfectly fine with that, too. I didn't want to forget what she looked like, and I felt the need to memorize everything about her.

Bella seemed content to just run her hands over my arms and chest, which also suited me just fine. It was comforting and sensual, though I didn't think either one of us was looking to take it to the next level at the moment. Everything was too right just as it was.

Her fingers tickled over my jaw and scratched at the scruff.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered quietly.

"Don't be," I said automatically. "After everything I did to you, I deserved-"

"I mean about what happened to you," she corrected. "I'm sorry about what happened to you and your girlfriend…the baby."

My body tensed all over, and my eyes squeezed shut. I tried to nod in acceptance, but my whole body just froze up.

"I didn't say that before," Bella continued. "And I understand why you didn't tell me and why you still don't want to talk about it."

I could only manage to nod but figured that was better than nothing.

"I don't expect you to talk to me about it," she said. "You need to get counseling."

"I know," I responded. "I will. Banner gave me a name."

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Not yet."

"You have to do that."

"I know I do," I said.

"I don't want to…to _blackmail_ you into getting better."

"You aren't," I said. "I know I have to do this."

I knew no such thing, but I was determined to do whatever it took to keep her close to me – to keep her safe. If that meant talking to some complete stranger about shit I can barely think about…

Well, I'd just have to see what I could do. I was at least going to try.

Bella's head rested against my shoulder, and I held her tightly, but sleep still refused to come for either of us. There were too many things left unsaid – too many things to figure out. We both seemed to sense it.

"I've been trying to…to do everything Banner said," I told her.

"Like what?"

"Um…well, not shooting up." God, that sounded fucking awful. "I mean – more than that. I…um, I have a whole list."

"A list?"

"Yeah…I mean, Banner gave me a journal."

"A journal?" Bella looked up and raised an eyebrow. "You wrote in a journal?"

"Yeah," I said as I shrugged one shoulder. "I wrote in it."

"What did you write?"

I reluctantly untangled myself from Bella and grabbed the journal. I sat back up against the pillows, and Bella scooted over next to me. I handed the book to her, and she looked at the first page's declaration of me not knowing what the fuck I was doing. She glanced at me with a half smile and then turned the page.

"I made a list," I said. "It's a list of all the shit I need to do."

She looked over it.

"Did you really clean the apartment?" she asked.

I chuckled.

"Yeah, right before I got kicked out of it."

"You don't have to do this one," Bella said quietly. Her finger trailed over the words _Talk to Mom_. "I just…I thought you needed to reconnect with your family, but I shouldn't…I shouldn't have said that."

"I don't know," I responded. "I might have needed more of a push. I can't say it's something I want to do, though."

Bella turned the page again.

"I…um…I wrote you a letter, too," I said.

Her eyes moved quickly to me.

"Can I read it?" she asked.

"Um…yeah," I said. "It's for you."

I watched her face as she read the words I had written. Her eyes filled with tears, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Do you mean all of this?" she asked. "I mean…you weren't…high or anything?"

"I don't think I could find the right end of the pen if I was high," I said. "It was after that. Banner didn't give me the journal until I was leaving the hospital."

She nodded, and her fingers moved over the last sentence.

"You're not going to fight anymore?"

"No," I said succinctly.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to try and get a job with my family's business," I said. "Setting stones in one of the workshops."

"Setting stones?"

"You know, putting the pretty rocks in the settings for earrings and necklaces and shit. I've done it before, and…well, I'll probably get it since Aro's my reference. I don't like doing shit that way, but I have to have a decent job with health benefits and shit."

She sniffed.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

She dropped the journal in her lap and reached out to wrap her arms around my neck. She started sobbing into my shoulder.

"Bella! What is it? What's the matter?"

"You're doing all of this for me!" she cried.

"Well, yeah," I responded, still confused.

She kept crying, and I just didn't get it at all. Women were weird – that was all I had. I just held onto her, and when she was done I grabbed the box of tissues off the nightstand. I kept my arms round her as she blew her nose and collected herself.

"Where will we live?" Bella asked as she tossed the last tissue into the trash.

I felt the corner of my mouth twitch at the word _we_.

"I'd be working on the northwest side of town," I said. "It's kind of an industrial area, but there are apartments around. It would be easy enough to bus to work."

"How would I get to school?"

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. I really hadn't thought about that. "The bus probably heads that way, too. Um…is school out for the semester yet?"

"Finals are next week," she said.

"So it wouldn't matter so much until fall, right?"

"I still have my job at the library," Bella reminded me. "Right now I'm only two days a week, but they said I could pick up extra hours over the summer if I wanted to. It would help. If the bus line near the apartment went to the school as well, it would work."

"Two sets of bus fairs," I said as I shook my head, "twice as much cost. We should find a place near campus instead. There is plenty of housing there. I'll take the bus a little farther to work, but you'd be able to walk or take the campus shuttles."

"Do you think we'll be able to find a place?"

"We'll start looking right away," I said. "As soon as I get a couple paychecks, we'll be able to get a place."

She nodded, but she was still worrying her lip with her teeth. I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head. I inhaled deeply, surrounding myself with her scent.

"I love you, Bella," I told her. "We're going to make this work, and I'm not going to fuck up. I want everything to be right for you and…and the baby."

It was still really hard to say that word for some reason.

Bella's fingers traced over the edge of my jaw, and tears formed in the corners of her eyes again.

"Oh, Edward," she said softly. "I love you, too."

Her words hit me in the center of the chest, and for a moment I couldn't breathe. I felt like I'd just been hit in the gut with a dodge ball.

"When?" I asked.

"When what?"

"When did you know? I mean – know for sure?"

Bella smiled gently.

"That's easy," she said. "The first night I moved into your apartment and I woke up with your holding on to me. I knew then."

My eyes probably bugged out of my head.

"You never said anything."

"No," she replied. "If I had, you would have freaked out on me. You certainly would have then, but even later I knew you wouldn't be ready to hear that until you said it yourself."

"That didn't bother you?"

"I knew how you felt," she said with a shrug. "That was all that mattered."

"When did you know that?" I asked.

"When you punched Aro for calling me a hooker."

I laughed.

"You are a very observant woman," I informed her. I grabbed onto her hips and pulled her on top of me. "But there's no way I'd let anyone say something about you to make you feel less than what you are. You are too wonderful for anyone to…"

A lump lodged itself in my throat, and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

I was such a fucking idiot, I hadn't even considered what all of this meant – what had to happen, and happen quickly before…

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as I sat up in bed.

Bella squealed a little and grasped my shoulders to keep from toppling off of me.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

"Edward! What's wrong! You're scaring me!"

I looked straight into her eyes and placed both my hands on the sides of her face.

"We have to get married," I said. "We have to get married right away so the baby doesn't realize it was an accident!"

…

My impromptu marriage proposal didn't go over all that well. The only saving grace was the realization that she wouldn't be able to benefit from my medical insurance unless we were legally bound together. The whole idea didn't seem to make Bella happy at all, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that, though I agreed to drop the subject for the time being.

I wanted her – I wanted our family. What better way to solidify that than by getting married?

Apparently, she wasn't so sure about that.

I got out of the shower, dried off, and dressed. Bella wasn't in the bedroom, so I headed downstairs and made my way to the kitchen. I could hear both Bella and Chelsea's voices before I reached the doorway, so I paused before I just barged right in.

They were sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen with mugs of coffee and little cheesy Danishes on a plate in front of them. I could tell just by the tone of their voices that they were talking about me, so I continued to hover in the doorway and listen quietly.

"He told me what happened," Bella was saying. "But I don't understand why no one went to get him and take him home. He was just a kid."

Chelsea nodded her head a few times and gripped the mug with her fingertips.

"He was completely inconsolable," Chelsea said. "Carlisle understood why Edward was angry with him, but I don' think any of us realized just how much he blamed his father – and Esme, too – for what happened. He shut us all out. He wouldn't speak to anyone, even Emmett. Then on the day of the funeral he just…disappeared."

"He said Angela's mother wouldn't let him go to the service," Bella said.

"The poor woman was a wreck, just like he was. If they could have found solace in each other, maybe things would have been different."

"How so?" Bella asked.

"He pushed everyone away," Chelsea said. "First mentally, then physically. We couldn't even find him for weeks and weeks – didn't have any idea where he had gone. He had just turned eighteen that summer, and even with Carlisle's connections the police would only do so much. When they eventually found and talked to him, it was clear Edward left of his own volition and that he didn't want to come home. Legally he was an adult, and they couldn't force him to leave where he was. There was nothing they could do to help us."

"I hired a private investigator," Aro said from the other side of the kitchen. "Four of them, actually. I found out where he was –and what he had been doing-"

"He was shooting up," Bella interjected, and Aro nodded.

"I was sure he was going to kill himself," my uncle said quietly. "I wanted him committed, but all anyone was really willing to do was have him arrested for possession. It might have gotten him off the streets temporarily, but with his temper…well, I didn't think he'd do well in prison."

He took in a long breath.

"All I could do was have him watched," Aro said. "We would lose him every once in a while over the next few months and then have to track him down again. He was so bad off – living in a burned down warehouse with a bunch of other junkies and prostitutes – I was actually considering just having him kidnapped and hauling him off to the Caribbean. Maybe I should have. I was getting kind of desperate and running out of ideas when that fighter-woman took him in. She got him sober, at least."

"Tanya," Bella said with a nod.

"She probably saved his life," Aro said. He took another step towards the breakfast island, and his eyes found me. "He needed someone who would be strong for him. Once he was clean, he would at least talk to Emmett and me. I refused to give up completely, though he didn't make it easy."

"Emmett wouldn't give up either," Chelsea continued, but she hadn't noticed me. "He kept finding Edward in worse and worse shape, but Edward wouldn't come home. When he took Carlisle to talk him into coming home, he hit him and ran off. It was clear he was going to stop what little contact he had with his uncle and cousin if we kept pushing him."

"I didn't want you there," I spoke up from the doorway. "You were all just reminders, and I didn't need to be reminded of that shit."

Chelsea turned to look at me and narrowed her eyes a bit, and I sighed.

"_Stuff_," I corrected.

I looked at Bella and tried to tell her with my eyes to stop it – just leave it alone. Somehow I knew she wouldn't, not completely, but I had to try. I couldn't do any more right now.

"We're your family, Edward," Aro reminded me.

"You said you never gave up on me." I turned my head and stared into his dark eyes. "Why not?"

"The earrings," he said without hesitation.

"Earrings?" My hand went instinctively to the two silver hoops in my left ear.

"I knew as long as you were wearing them, there was still a chance."

…

The next few days were odd, to say the least. Bella sat with me and adjusted my list, including going back to the old apartment building and getting my shit from Alice, taking Bella to the clinic, and finding a new place to live. Aro had made it clear that we weren't just welcome at his house, but he expected us to stay there until Bella started her next semester of school in the fall. I didn't like it, but with the three of them ganging up on me about logistics and shit, I just couldn't win.

Really, it was just when Bella looked at me with those big, brown doe-eyes I couldn't deny her anything. She and Chelsea became close very quickly, and I was pretty sure Bella had been convinced it was best for both of us to stay here for the short term.

I wasn't sure what to do about Sunday dinners.

"I don't want him to know," I told Aro. I leaned back on the couch and resisted the urge to put my feet up on Chelsea's coffee table. "He doesn't need to know I'm staying here, and he doesn't need to know about Bella being here, either."

"It's not like he hasn't already met her," Aro said. He poured himself a small shot of scotch and offered me the same. "You know I told him about her the second I got back from Portland. I was thrilled to know you were in a relationship, and so was he."

"Well, he doesn't need to know anything else."

"Edward, he's you father-"

"No!" I interrupted. "He lost that right a long time ago!"

"He's tried to make amends," Aro said. He set the bottle of scotch back down on the bar and wiped off the counter where he must have spilled a set the glass of amber liquid in front of me, but I ignored it.

"Bullshit!" I replied.

"It is not bullshit!" Aro yelled back. The scotch forgotten, he crossed the room with his finger pointed at me. "He tried to reach you, Edward – he tried to take it all back, even before Angela's funeral! You wouldn't speak to him! He tried to reach out to you later, and you wouldn't talk to him then, either! When Emmet finally found you and they showed up together, you broke his jaw."

"What?" I snapped back.

"Didn't know that, did you?" Aro growled. "Broken in three places, and he lost four teeth. He had the whole thing wired shut for two months while he took meals through a straw. He wouldn't even let Esme try again after that, thinking you might really hurt her. You were out of fucking control, Edward! He fucked up, too, but you can't lay all of this on your father!"

My teeth clenched as I forced myself not to respond. I wanted to scream at him to shut the fuck up – that none of that could have been right anyway, but I couldn't. I had to shut up for Bella's sake. I had to keep her safe, and right now – I needed Aro to be able to do that.

I _had_ hit my father, but I didn't remember hitting him that hard.

"I'm not going to lie to my own brother about the whereabouts of his son," Aro said firmly. "You don't have to be here when he comes, and I won't tell him before Sunday, but I'm not lying to him."

"Lying to whom?" Bella asked as she walked in carrying Mary Poppins' Carpet Bag. She stopped rooting around in it long enough to look between us. "What's going on?"

"It doesn't matter," I growled. I reached out, grabbed her hand, and then headed towards the door. "Let's just go get all our shit."

As tempted as I was, I didn't go to the landlord's office with thoughts of surprising him and beating the shit out of him. I knew I'd probably end up shot, and that was the last thing Bella needed from me right now. We just had Marcus drive the car around the block as we ran up to Crazy Alice's apartment.

She was inside for once, and even answered the door when I pounded on it and yelled for her. That was good, because I didn't want to climb the fucking fire escape.

As soon as the door opened, Crazy Alice reached over, grabbed a carton of cigarettes I had been holding with one hand and Bella in the other. She hauled Bella inside and sat down next to the wall. She tore open the carton to dump the packs on the carpet and got to work. As Bella pulled out strips from the roll of tape, I grabbed my few boxes of things and shoved them into the trunk of the Rolls as it made laps around the building.

"How do you know it's a girl?" Bella was asking as I came back in for the last of the stuff. "I'm not even showing or anything."

Whatever Crazy Alice had said, she seemed to be done talking. Bella glanced up to me.

"You know she's just talking bullshit," I reminded her.

"You told her I was pregnant?"

"She seemed to know already. Probably heard us talking – the walls are thin."

"She said it's a girl," Bella said.

I swallowed past a lump in my throat. For the most part I have been surviving by trying to forget Bella was pregnant at all, and for a couple hours at a time it worked. Then someone would say something about it, and my palms would start to sweat.

I really didn't want to end up in the hospital again.

"Did she suggest naming it after her?" I asked. "Crazy Alice has a nice ring to it."

"Stop that," Bella chided. "You shouldn't make fun of her."

"I'm not," I argued. "I'm just being descriptive."

I had to smile at the familiarity of the conversation. I couldn't remember how many times Bella had told me not to call our neighbor _Crazy_ Alice, like I was trying to be insulting. Lucky for me, Crazy Alice didn't seem to have an opinion.

"I wish I could do more for her," Bella said as she stood up and we prepared to leave.

"I brought her cigs," I said. "She doesn't ever want anything else."

"We should get her some groceries."

"I checked – she's got enough for a while."

Bella gnawed at her lip, and I reached over to take her hand.

"We'll come back and take her to get her check cashed next Thursday."

Bella nodded and reached out to hug Crazy Alice, who didn't seem to notice at all. Bella still felt the need to assure her we'd be coming back to help her out occasionally before we left.

That was the easy part.

Next stop – Tanya's.

"Don't tell me you went right back to this fuck up," Tanya hissed as soon as she opened the door.

"I'm clean," I told her. I tried to keep my voice down and remain calm, but all I really wanted to do was punch her. It had been way too long since I'd punched anyone, and I was starting to feel like Dexter. _Sixteen days, nine hours, and forty two minutes since I last kicked the shit out of someone._

"Heard that one before," Tanya said. "Way too many times. I told you we were through."

"I just came to get my things," Bella said.

"You don't have to do that," Tanya said. "You can stay here – no hard feelings."

"No hard feelings?" Bella's eyes widened, and then she began to yell. "No hard _feelings_? You all but left him for dead!"

"Do you have any idea how many times?" Tanya snapped. "How many times I hauled his sorry ass out of the gutter to shower him off and sober him up again? Any idea? Every time the same words out of his mouth – _it won't happen again_."

As much as I wanted to argue and fight back, there was far too much truth in her words.

"Not for a long time," I said quietly. It was all I had.

"So you made it six years," Tanya said with a nod. "Six years of calm in your life – eat, workout, fight, and sleep. As soon as something happens that's a little bit tough or unexpected and you do what?"

I looked away, trying to find meaning in the stained bit of carpet in the corner of the hallway.

"You turn to heroin," she said. "As much muscle as you've put on, you're still the weakest man I've ever known."

"Shut up," Bella said. Her voice was eerily calm. "Edward's going to get some real help now, not just someone to beat up in place of the drugs. Professional help."

"You're going to see a shrink?" Tanya laughed. "You really think after ten years that's going to matter?"

"I won't let her down," I finally said.

"Heard that one before, too," Tanya replied.

"Just stop," Bella said. "I just need to get my stuff, and then we'll be out of your way."

"Don't go back to him, Bella," she said. Her voice softened. "I'm not just trying to be a bitch here. I've known him too long. He might be off the shit now – and maybe he'll even stay that way for a year. Hell, maybe even two. And then something will happen – maybe the baby has colic or gets sick or whatever it is, and he won't be able to cope. He'll go back to heroin, and you'll be back on my doorstep."

Bella looked over to me, and I didn't know what to say. In many ways, I knew Tanya was right. I'd been here before, said I was done with all the shit before, but eventually I had gone back. I didn't want that to happen again, but I couldn't deny that Tanya had history on her side.

I also knew there were some things I wouldn't be able to cope with.

"If you die because of this, I'll buy as much heroin as I can and shoot it until I'm dead," I told her. "But as long as you're okay…if you're okay, then I'll stay away from it. For you, and so we can have a family."

"You aren't making me feel great here," Bella said.

"It's all I got for now," I replied. "I'll do everything we talked about. I'll get better – I swear."

"Heard it," Tanya snapped.

"Shut up!" Bella yelled back at her.

"You're young, naïve, and stupid," Tanya told her. "Stay here with me, and I'll make sure you and the baby are taken care of."

"No," I said. "It's my baby, and I'll be protecting her."

"Stop it," Bella sighed. "Both of you. I can't take any more."

I looked down at her face and saw how pale she was.

"Fuck, Bella!" I cried as I grabbed her and pulled her against me. "Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No, no," Bella said. "I'm fine. I just – I can't take any more of this. Tanya, I need my stuff now, and then we're leaving."

I moved quickly and even enlisted Marcus' help so it could all be done in three trips instead of a half dozen. Tanya continued to make remarks, but Bella must have tuned her out. I just wanted to get all this done as quickly as possible because our next stop was the clinic.

"You're going to regret this," Tanya said as we walked out for the last time. "But you still have a place here when you figure that out."

"Thank you," Bella said curtly as she took my hand and started pulling me away.

Part of me felt like I ought to say something else to the only friend in my life for many, many years, but I just didn't know what those words might be.

Our last stop was the clinic at Masen College.

"You're measuring at about eleven weeks," the doctor said as she poked around. "Was your last period in March?"

I stood over in the corner and chewed on the edge of my thumb and waited for the other shoe to drop. Or get thrown at my head. Or just tie itself to the laces of my other shoe until I fell over and smashed my nose into the pavement.

_Wait for the other shoe to drop._

What the fuck did that mean, anyway?

"That's about when I went on The Pill," Bella said. "Um…they were just kind of spotty after that, but they said that was normal."

"It is, usually," the doctor confirmed. "You were one of those that got the bad batch, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"I'll give you some paperwork you can send in, if you like." She dug around in a desk drawer before handing a form to Bella. "There are some people trying to organize a class action suit."

"Okay," Bella said. She looked at me with worried eyes, but I didn't know what she was thinking. I couldn't focus because the whole scene was horribly familiar. I'd been here and done all this before, just with a different doctor at a different clinic up north.

"Your due date will be in the second week of November." The doctor checked out a couple of charts. "November fifteenth, to be precise."

"Is she okay?" I finally asked. "I mean, is everything all right with Bella? The baby…I mean…is everything all right?"

"Everything is just fine," she said. She looked over to me with a slight smile. "Dad's a little nervous, I take it?"

My hands clenched into fists, and I held my breath but said nothing.

"I think he'd feel a little better with some reassurances," Bella said.

"Miss Swan is in excellent health," the doctor said. "Her uterus feels right, and the baby is the proper size. I can't tell a whole lot more without an ultrasound, but those can be expensive without insurance. The baby's heart beat is strong, though. Do you want to hear it?"

Before I could respond, the doctor took some little oval-shaped instrument and placed it against Bella's stomach. A moment later, there was a quick thrumming sound coming out of it. It was a strange sound – not at all like I remembered my own heartbeat sounding when using a stethoscope. It was much faster and kind of sounded like it was coming from underwater.

My eyes moved to Bella. She was staring down her body with her mouth open and a look of wonder on her face.

"It's really there," she whispered. Her head turned towards me, and the most beautiful smile covered her face. "It's really there."

I returned the smile as best I could, though the tightness in my chest and overwhelming sense of dread destroyed any actual joy I may have otherwise felt.

…

True to his word, Aro put in a good recommendation for me with the shift supervisor at the stone setting workshop, and I got the job without ever seeing Dad. His office was downtown, and he apparently hadn't been at that particular workshop in over a year.

The work environment wasn't bad, and I had my own workbench. I just introduced myself as Edward – avoiding the last name to those around me. No reason anyone but the boss needed to know, and I told him I wanted to be treated like everyone else. He seemed to get it.

The stones were crappy quality and would be sold to shops that didn't bear the Twilight Silver name on them. That was probably best, though – it had been a long time since I had done such delicate work, and there was one of those big whiteboards that had a "score" for people who broke stones.

I supposed anyone who broke too many would end up fired, but I didn't do too badly.

Sitting at the bench, carving out silver in the right way to make a place for the stone was solitary and quiet work. It relaxed me, and I was surprised to find out how much I remembered and how much I liked it on the very first day.

The day after my first day on the job was my first appointment with my therapist. It had taken about sixteen tries for me to actually pick up the phone, dial the number, and make the appointment. I could have taken the bus to get to the shrink's office, but I was afraid I'd never make it, so I asked Marcus to take me.

"Will you follow me in there?" I asked him. "I mean – make sure I go through with it, ya know?"

"Of course, Mister Cullen."

"We should go early, too," I added. "I don't want to be late."

Marcus drove me to the office building across from the hospital where Banner worked and parked the car. I took a few deep breaths as he held the door open and waited for me to get out of the car. Every time I started to move to the outside, my muscles seized up.

"Don't let me chicken out," I said quietly. I rubbed my fingertips into my eyes and huffed out a breath.

"There is plenty of time, Mister Cullen," Marcus said. "You have a good five minutes before I actually drag you out of the backseat."

I chuckled at the visual and then continued with the deep breathing until I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.

"Mister Cullen?"

"I know," I snapped back, then immediately apologized.

"You still have plenty of time," Marcus told me.

"This just…sucks," I mumbled.

"Of course it does, Mister Cullen." He crouched down to be more eye level with me and stared me right in the eyes. "Edward – it's what you have to do for Bella and your coming child."

I swallowed once and nodded at him. Marcus stood up straight and took a step backwards with his hand still on the car door. Before I could lose my nerve, I moved quickly to twist in the seat and put my feet on the pavement. One more breath and I pushed myself out of the car and forced myself to walk up the sidewalk to the building entrance and beyond.

It was freaking hot that day, and I had opted for my sleeveless muscle shirt and some cargo shorts that had belonged to Emmett, but it wasn't helping. I still had sweat dripping between my shoulder blades before I got to the door. It was just before one in the afternoon, and the therapist was apparently not back from lunch yet. Even though I was early, the receptionist said I could wait in Miss Denali's office while Marcus waited for me in the lobby.

There was no doubt that I was nervous, and having to wait into the shrink's office by myself wasn't helping. There was a large bay window that overlooked the parking lot and a sad dwarf plum tree, a pile of books on a bookshelf that looked like most of the self-help section of Barnes and Noble, a couple of wingback chairs, and a couch.

Of course there's a couch.

The whole set up was obviously intended to make you feel calm, which made me really nervous. Frankly, I thought Tanya just might be right – ten years was a long time. What could yakking about this shit really do for me now?

Maybe she'd get me some good drugs.

No, she probably wouldn't – recovering addict and all.

So what could she really do for me? Was I just supposed to talk enough to put myself into enough panic attacks that I ran out of them? Could you run out of panic attacks? Could it kill you if you had too many?

What the fuck was a panic attack, anyway? And post traumatic stress – what the fuck did any of that shit mean?

I looked out the window at the little tree and wondered if I could climb down it and get the fuck away before either the doctor or Marcus figured out what I had done. I probably didn't have time, but the window did look like it would open easily enough.

My finger touched the cool glass and then moved down to the brass handle.

"Nice ink," a female voice said from behind me.

I turned around and looked into the pale blue eyes of the woman I met in the laundromat. It was the same chick who had – before I hooked up with Bella – followed me to _Feet First_. We had drinks, I dragged her back to the locker room for a quick fuck, and things didn't exactly work out.

"Well, this is going to be a little awkward," Irina said as she tossed her long, straight blonde hair over her shoulder.

"You have to be fucking kidding me," I mumbled.

"I should have recognized your name," she said with a sigh. "I'm sorry, I could have avoided this."

"What do you mean, avoided it?"

"I can't do this, Edward," she said. "I can't treat you. Though it wasn't much, we do have a little…history. It wouldn't be appropriate. I'll have to call around and find someone else who can work with you."

No. Shit no – I couldn't let that happen. I'd barely made it this far.

Just getting to this office had been painful enough. If I had to start all over again – make another appointment, get to the building, go into the office…I'd never make it. It would delay everything, too. I had to get better as quickly as possible for Bella and…and the baby.

I couldn't let her just brush me off – not for such a stupid fucking reason.

"If we'd fucked, I could see your point!" I said. "But we didn't. As I recall, my dick didn't work for you, so let's just forget it and get going with this."

"We can't, Edward."

"Why not?"

"I'm attracted to you," she said bluntly.

"Well, I'm taken," I replied. "So it doesn't fucking matter."

Irina sighed and leaned back in her chair. She shook her head slowly as she started to reach for the phone, but I wouldn't let her blow me off that easily. I moved forward and placed my hand over the numbers of her desk phone before she could start dialing.

"Please?" I said. "The most wonderful woman in the world is pregnant, I'm a fucked-up junkie who can't even think about her being that way without having a panic attack, and I don't even know what the fuck a panic attack is. I need help. Please."

Her lips tightened at the corners as she looked at me for a long moment.

"All right," she said through her tight lips. "Three sessions. Let's see how it works. If there is anything remotely awkward or unprofessional, you will transfer to another therapist. In the meantime, I will have Doctor Banner locate one who fits your needs and is taking new patients, just in case."

"Works for me," I said.

"Then let's begin."

Shit. Now that she had agreed, I had no idea what to do. I kept my eyes on her as I walked over to the couch and timidly sat on the edge. My hand reached up and scratched at the back of my head while I tried to think of something to say. With no other ideas coming into my head, I just went with blunt.

"When I was in high school, my girlfriend died during a miscarriage."

I was never one to open up, but I knew I had to start somewhere.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

And now we know the true definition of awkward. :)

What did you think about Aro's account of Edward in the early times after he left? Do you think the version Edward has in his head is accurate? Drop me a review and let me know what you think!

See you next Friday!

**Otherwise Alone:**

If you didn't see, I have published my first short story! It's called Otherwise Alone, and is available on the Kindle exclusively through Amazon. Link is on my FF profile page and blog! Don't have a Kindle? There are free Kindle reader apps for most devices and Smart phones available at Amazon!

For those who have asked, yes it is a short story - kind of a "trial" for me i suppose. There will be a second book!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	27. Ask the Question

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday! I am seriously behind in most everything life has thrown at me lately, including writing and review reading. Trying to get caught up this weekend, but I'll apologize ahead of time for the short chapter. Hey - it's better than nothing, right?**  
**

Thanks to DK for the beta, and Deeper Water for the reading group questions. Check them out at the link on my profile!

**"I almost fucked her, you know."**

* * *

**Chapter 27 – Ask the Question**

It took a while – a long while – but I got it all out.

I only puked once.

Irina actually rescheduled the rest of her afternoon to let me stay there and go on for as long as I needed. After a fair amount of shaking and generally freaking out, I calmed myself down enough to keep her from insisting on hospitalization. With a bottle of water and a fresh trashcan at my feet, I sat on the couch and tried to keep my breathing steady.

"Tell me what's happening in your head right now," Irina said softly.

My insides were so torn up, I didn't really know what I was thinking or feeling. The need to push it all away was great, but I knew if I did that I wasn't going to get anywhere with this shit. Being numb was a lot more comfortable – just like Pink Floyd said.

"I just…I…I don't know."

"Are you still remembering that day?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…because it hurts too much."

"It's terrifying to see someone you love like that," Irina said. "You realize this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened, don't you?"

"Ten years later?" I let out a single sharp guffaw.

"You've never dealt with it," she said. "It might as well have happened yesterday."

My chest rose and fell as my breathing started to get out of control.

"Count with me," Irina said.

"What?"

"Count with me," she repeated. "Out loud. When we say the numbers, I want you to think about taking a pencil and writing the number down on a blue piece of paper as we go. See it in your head as we go. Got it?"

"Um…okay."

Not knowing what else to do when confronted with such a ridiculous request, I followed her lead. We counted slowly in unison until we reached fifty.

"Better?" she asked.

"A little," I admitted.

"That's your quick and easy way to get yourself under control," she said. "Visualize the numbers as you count. Your symptoms seem to increase as your mind fixates on the horror of the memory. Thinking of something mundane and making yourself focus on it can snap your mind out of that mode."

I nodded, not really sure if I believed her or not, but I couldn't deny that I had calmed down. Maybe she was right. Shit, maybe they all were.

"So was Banner right?" I asked.

"Right about what?" Irina scratched on a legal pad with a pen.

"He said I had PTSD."

"I think that is quite obvious, Edward."

"Well, what the fuck does that mean?"

"It means," she said, "that you have suffered from a very intense and tragic event. When memories of that event surface now, your adrenaline system over-reacts and makes you extremely sensitive to the memories that frighten you."

"I didn't graduate high school, you know." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You aren't stupid, Edward," Irina said. "You are also clearly educated, even if you don't have a degree. Don't bullshit me."

I glanced away from her and stared out the window at the little tree.

"It's why you have extreme reactions to emotions," she said. "Anything that causes you to remember what happened almost ten years ago sets off a set of responses in your brain – responses you haven't been able to control. Do you have nightmares?"

I looked back to her.

"Not really."

"Did you use to?"

"Before getting doped up, yeah."

"How did using heroin help?"

"It made me forget," I said with a shrug. "Made me numb. It was better than thinking about it."

"And what did you do after you stopped using?"

I shrugged.

"I made myself not think about it. It takes a bit of effort, especially in the beginning, but I just…don't. As long as I'm punching something, I had something else to think about."

"So you've spent all this time not thinking about it and not dealing with it."

"If I don't think, why do I have to deal?" I challenged.

"You tell me," she responded. "Do you really think how it has worked in the past is going to continue to work? You are here for a reason."

"Bella."

"And the child you are going to have together."

I tensed a little before nodding.

"So…can you cure me?"

"Cure you?" she responded. "No, you're going to have to do that yourself."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means we're going to start you on some pretty intense therapy," Irina said. "I want you to do a little research on a new drug being used to treat Posttraumatic Stress. There's been a lot of research on specific neurotransmitters helping to inhibit some of the symptoms of PTSD. There are a couple that are too similar to the way heroin acts on the brain, and I don't want to use those considering your history, but there are other options. I'll give you some websites to research and we'll decide together what drug therapy will work best for you."

She rifled through her desk for a moment before handing me a couple of brochures.

"That will be the easy part."

I glanced through the literature.

"Looks pretty fucking complicated to me."

"The hard part will be what we do in this room," she told me. "You have a lot of things wrapped up in that head of yours that need to come out. I have the feeling you also have a lot of misconceptions about what happened during that time, both because you were obviously traumatized by what happened to you, and also because of your addiction. We're going to try a little eye movement desensitization and reprocessing treatment as well."

"Are you going to start speaking English at some point?"

"You are going to have to confront your family," she said. "I would prefer we do it one at a time and as part of your sessions with me."

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"Because it's going to be critical to understanding what you did and why," Irina said. "Don't worry about it for now – I just want you to understand what is coming up in the future."

"This is bullshit," I muttered.

Irina gave me a small smile as she leaned back in her chair.

"May I ask you something?" she finally said.

"Is there an option?"

"You said all of this began when your father threw you out of the house."

"Yeah. So?"

"So, what do you think was the main theme of that conversation?"

I narrowed my eyes and considered a moment before answering.

"I said I wanted to man up and be a father, and he told me to get rid of it."

Irina nodded her head.

"What did you say to Bella when she first told you she was pregnant?"

I scowled at her, not liking where this was going at all.

"That was different," I said. "I know now – from some pretty horrific experience – how dangerous pregnancy can be. Bella's younger, and she hasn't been through any of this shit before. I was just trying to protect her."

More nods from my therapist. It was starting to piss me off.

"So tell me this," Irina said. "How do you think your father would justify his actions?"

My body stilled a little as some of the words he said to me all those years ago started bouncing around in my mental eardrums.

"_You don't know what you are saying, Edward! You're young and you think the world is just going to fall into place for you, but I'm telling you it doesn't work that way. You don't have the benefit of years like I do, son. I'm only trying to keep you from making a horrible mistake that may haunt you the rest of your life…"_

"Fuck you." I stood up, walked across the room, and slammed the door as I walked out of her office. Marcus stood up as soon as I entered the room. "I need to go home."

Marcus didn't say a word as he drove me back to Aro's house, and I wasn't much in the mood for conversation, either. He drove around the circular driveway and halted the car at the bottom of the front steps. I paused in the backseat until he came around to open the door for me.

It struck me as odd how quickly I got used to that again. Ten years of not even owning a damn car, and after just a few days I was already used to someone driving me around again. It felt weird…and perfectly normal.

I shook my head, marched up the steps, and dropped myself down on the living room couch. The lower level of the house was quiet, but I could hear voices coming from upstairs. Soon they grew louder, and Bella descended the steps with Aro and Chelsea along with her.

"I thought I heard Marcus pull up," Aro said as he turned the corner and saw me on the couch. "How did it go?"

"It was total fucking bullshit," I said immediately, "and I'm not going back."

Aro cleared his throat and glanced from me to Bella to Chelsea. Bella narrowed her eyes a little and squished her lips together as she looked at me.

"I think I'll let you handle this one," Aro said. He took Chelsea's hand and headed towards the door. "We have an engagement at the club this evening. Ben is here to cook until eight if you want him to make anything for you."

They moved quickly out of the house as Bella came over and sat beside me. Before she could start into me, I leaned over and wrapped myself around her.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"Okay," Bella replied. "We won't."

With my head tucked between Bella's shoulder and neck, I wrapped my arms around her and tried to push all the thoughts from my head. I didn't want them there, but they seemed perfectly happy to march around in my brain and smash all the pretty flowers denial had planted.

Bella said nothing. She just let her fingers trail through my hair as I coiled against her. It was only a minute or two before the silence became too much.

"I hate that bitch," I growled into Bella's skin. I tightened my arms around her and tried to push myself inside of her. It didn't work, but it was warm.

"She can't have been that bad," Bella said. "You're just overwhelmed. It's okay. Today had to be the hardest part, right? I mean, the first day would be more difficult – you don't know each other, and you're starting from scratch."

"It's the only part," I replied. "I'm not going back."

"Edward…"

"No," I said. "I just want to stay here…with you…just like this."

I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath. Enveloped in her scent, I felt myself finally start to relax for the first time since I left the house with Marcus. At least I wasn't shaking anymore.

Bella placed her hand on the side of my face, and I turned slightly to press my lips into her palm. When I looked up, her eyes were sad. I reached up with my hand and ran a finger over her cheek.

"Don't look like that," I said quietly. "It just…it didn't work out. I'll try something else."

"You have to try it more than once," Bella said.

I growled in response.

"You need it," she insisted. "You have to give her a couple of chances before you decide she isn't going to work out. If you give it a real try and you still hate her, we'll find someone else."

"You'd hate her," I said.

"I don't think I would hate her."

"She's really pretty." I knew I was probably treading on dangerously thin ice, but there were very few things in the world I wanted less at that time than to go back into that woman's office again. "Long, blonde hair and all sexy and shit."

Bella shoved me back a bit, stood, and walked part way across the room.

"You're trying to do what now? Make me jealous of your therapist? Seriously?"

"As far as I'm concerned she's my ex-therapist!" I snapped back.

"Edward, just cut it out, okay?" Bella crossed her arms as she looked at me. "You agreed to do this – to really try. You can't back out just because the very first time sucked. It's going to suck – you knew that already. It has to happen."

She turned away from me, and I knew there wasn't much of anything I could say to make her change her mind.

Or was there?

"I almost fucked her, you know."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted it, but I couldn't take them back. I looked out the patio door to the large brick-lined area right behind the house. The intricate pattern looked like a star whose northern pointing ray led over to a large grill and a stone bar. I kept my focus outside as I watched Bella in my peripheral vision.

"Are you just saying that to piss me off?" Bella eventually responded.

"Pretty much," I replied with a shrug. I decided it wasn't such a bad thing to bring up afterall, all things considered. I mean, Bella ought to know, right?

I was trying to convince myself it was in the spirit of disclosure, but really I just wanted a good reason not to ever go back to that fucking office ever again, and Bella telling me I couldn't was as good an option as any. I would have been willing to try something a lot more drastic if needed.

"It's working." She let out a long sigh before dropping down onto the couch next to me. "I don't think it would be very professional for a therapist to treat you after…after that."

"That's what she said."

"Edward," Bella sighed again.

I didn't respond.

"Edward?"

When I didn't respond again, she grabbed my arm and tried to turn me to look at her.

"Did you…?"

"I said almost," I reminded her.

Bella went still and silent for a moment as she glared at me. I looked down at my hands and twisted my fingers around each other.

"You're serious," she said. "When was this?"

I looked over and realized she feared the worst.

"Long before you ever moved in with me," I said.

She huffed a breath out her nose.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm trying to decide if I can believe you," she said honestly.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"At this point, do you really think there is anything I'd bother to lie to you about? You've kind of seen my worst. I don't think there's much point in hiding anything else."

"I can't argue with you there," Bella admitted.

"It was before we were together," I said, "but I knew you. I already…well…I think…"

I sighed again. Worst or not, talking about another woman to Bella was awkward to say the least.

"What?" Bella demanded.

"I saw her at the bar, she came onto me, and I took her into the locker room to fuck her. My dick was already pretty much obsessed with you and wouldn't even consider giving her a chance."

I looked her in the eyes.

"Nothing happened," I told her. "My cock is a moody little bastard, and even back then he only wanted to work for you."

"Little?" Bella raised a brow.

I copied the motion and added a smirk.

"Figure of speech," I said.

Bella shook her head but didn't seem pissed anymore. I scooted over close to her again and tossed an arm around her shoulders to pull her close. My fingers trailed over her cheek, and Bella's hand slipped up my arm to grip my bicep. Our lips met briefly and softly, and when we parted our eyes remained locked for some time.

The moody little bastard must have heard us talking about him because he thought it was a pretty good time to make himself a little more conspicuous.

"It feels like it's been forever," I said quietly.

"It has been forever," she agreed.

"Aro and Chelsea won't be back until later."

I was surprised we didn't actually knock over anything expensive in our rush to the guest bedroom where we were staying. Bella was lucky she was quick in removing her clothes – I might have just torn them out of my way if she hadn't. As it was, they ended up all over the floor in a string between the door and the bed. MY jeans and shirt dropped to the ground just next to the bed as I pounced on her.

Other times I would have waited and savored the moment with extensive foreplay, but not this time. The need I had for her was just too much, and considering how she was actually reaching down and grabbing my cock to position it, Bella must have felt the same way.

"Oh fuck, baby…" I moaned as I sunk into her. "Almost forgot…how good…"

"I didn't," she breathed into my ear. "Missed this…so much…"

"Ugh!"

"Oh, God!"

I started to pull back and slam into her, but I paused as a sudden panic crept over me.

"What about…what about the baby?"

"I read it was okay," Bella said.

"You looked that up, did ya?"

"It was one of the first things I researched," she giggled. "The movement actually can rock them to sleep."

"Well then," I said, "goodnight, baby."

Deciding caution was still a decent thing, I didn't plow into her like I wanted to, but opted for long, deep strokes, which had her moaning and thrashing under me within a minute. My mouth found her nipples and gave them each some attention with my tongue. I growled into her skin as she dug her fingernails into my shoulders. Pleasure mixed with the pain.

"Edward…please…more…"

"Anything you want," I replied.

She pushed against my shoulder, and I took the cue to roll over until she was on top of me, straddling my cock and moving at her own, faster pace. My hands covered her breasts to keep them from bouncing all over the place, and her fingers moved between us. She circled herself with two digits.

"That's so fucking hot," I told her. "Rub yourself more…fuck, baby…so beautiful when you do that."

She let out a long groan, but didn't say anything. She preferred to keep the talking to a minimum, even though she loved listening to my dirty mouth.

"Ride me," I instructed. "Ride me hard, baby."

She obliged, placing her hands on my chest for a little more leverage as she moved up and down over me. I just watched my cock moving in and out of her and wondered if there was anything better than this.

Needing the control, I sat up and flipped her over. My mouth made trails of kisses from her throat and over her jaw as I went back to slower and deeper thrusts. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and she cried out as she pulled me down into her with her feet.

"Nothing else feels like this," I whispered against her ear, and she moaned again in response.

I didn't think she really understood what I meant, but it didn't matter. This right here – being inside of her – was far better than heroin. If I could just have this, everything would be fine. I only had to keep myself from doing something totally stupid and fucking it up.

The heat from my breath fanned out over her shoulder as I rocked against her slowly and gently. My hips ground down against hers, and I listened to her soft moans as she came apart around me and moaned my name.

I didn't increase my pace but kept it slow and steady. I didn't want to rush through this, even though I knew she had already been satisfied. I didn't want it to end – not ever. Maybe it was possible to just keep this single moment alive forever. If I could only do that, I wouldn't have to worry about all the other shit that went on outside this bed.

Naturally, it couldn't last forever – not when it had been so long since the last time I had been inside of her. Trying not to be too loud, I whimpered into the skin of her neck as my balls tightened and my cock shuddered. Bella's heels dug into my backside while holding me against her body, and I filled her.

I rolled to my side and held her tightly to keep our bodies together. My muscles let go and allowed me to sink into the mattress – exhausted but content. Bella sighed softly as she pressed her cheek against my shoulder. Her hand moved around to rest against my face.

"That was really nice," she hummed.

"Fucking awesome, I thought."

Bella giggled, and my cock twitched at the sound, but quickly gave up and decided a nap was in order.

My hand moved down and covered her bare stomach. It was hard to imagine that there was some little something growing in there, just hanging out and waiting to get big enough to come out and live on its own. There wasn't really even much of a bump or anything to show for it yet, but according to the doctor it was definitely there.

"It's weird, isn't it?" Bella said softly.

"Yeah," I agreed.

More than anything, it was familiar. Familiar in a way I didn't like at all.

Though it was all new to Bella, I had been here and done this before – the initial terror that flowed into growing excitement for the possibilities to come. The problem was I couldn't get past the terror now.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"That I'm fucking scared shitless," I admitted.

Bella nodded.

"I am too, you know," she said.

"You are?" My heart started to pound, and I felt like a totally shit for making her worry.

"I don't think we're afraid of the same things, but yes – I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"Being a parent," she said. "I have no idea how to be a parent. I mean, Charlie was great, but we had so little time together. My mother is hardly an example of awesome parenting skills to be followed. I haven't had much of an example."

My fingers found the end of her chin, and I turned her head to face me.

"You will be a fabulous mother," I told her. "You'll even compensate for how fucking clueless I am."

She smiled and shook her head a bit.

"I mean it," I insisted. "You'll be wonderful."

"I'm glad you have confidence in me," she replied. "I'm not so sure. I mean, I've never even changed a diaper."

I laughed.

"Me either."

"We're screwed," Bella said with a succinct nod.

"Totally fucked," I agreed.

She settled back against my shoulder, and my fingers continued to rub over the not-quite-there-yet belly-bump while my mind wandered around in my own childhood.

The most predominant theme of the memories was my mother.

I thought about listening to her read when I was dozing off to sleep, and the way her hair felt when I tugged on it. I remembered how careful she was to always make sure I had my seatbelt fastened tightly before moving the car, and how she would make me order my own food in a restaurant, even when I was feeling shy. Most clearly, I remembered her laugh and her smile.

I also remembered the look on her face when I got up from the table and left the house for the last time, and how she covered her mouth when I dragged Bella from the dance floor at Emmett's reception.

I had to start thinking about something else.

"When do you need to see the doctor again?"

"Not for a couple of weeks," Bella said. "The main problem will be during the summer because the school clinic closes for the whole month of July and part of August."

"We need to find you another doctor," I said.

"We really can't afford anyone else."

I frowned and held her a little closer. My fingers clenched over her abs.

"I'll be making more steady money in a couple of weeks. I mean, I don't get my first paycheck for a while, but it should be enough to cover a doctor."

"Edward, be serious," Bella sighed. "Trying to pay for a pregnancy and birth without insurance? There's no way to do that without going through a clinic. I could probably try the free one over by-"

"No!" I said. "No fucking way!"

"Why not?"

"Have you been there?"

"No."

"I wouldn't take a pet cockroach to that place. Why do you think Tanya always drove me downtown if I needed stitches or whatever? You aren't going there."

"Well, that leaves the clinic at the school."

I growled in frustration.

"There are other options."

"Don't start again."

"We can get married," I said. "You'd be on my insurance in thirty days, and we'd all be covered with a real doctor and shit."

Bella sighed.

"Edward, tell me something,"

"Anything."

"Would you be asking me to marry you if I wasn't pregnant?"

I shook my head.

"No."

"Then stop it," she said.

I released another frustrated sigh.

"Tell me this, then." I sat up in the bed and looked down at her. "What are we going to name the baby?"

"I don't know," she replied. "We haven't really talked about it. I thought if it was a boy, you could choose-"

"I mean what last name will we give it," I interrupted. "Cullen?"

"I…I don't know…"

"Swan?" I pushed. "Swan-Cullen? Cullen-Swan? Cuh-swan? Sullen?"

She laughed.

"Not the last one!"

"So, there's another reason to get married," I concluded.

"You are assuming I'd take your last name," Bella said. "What the heck is a _Cullen_, anyway?"

She snickered, and I tickled her sides until she begged me to stop.

"Say you'll take my last name!" I insisted as I trailed the backs of my fingers over her sides again.

Bella squirmed and laughed.

"Fine!" she cried. "I'll be Bella _Cullen_!"

I ceased with the tickles and pulled her close to me again.

"Is that a yes, then?"

"It's a maybe," she said.

"So what, you're just going to change your name without getting married? Isn't that a little odd?"

Bella let out a long, slow breath and then looked over at me.

"Why would I say yes when you've already admitted you wouldn't be asking under other circumstances?"

"I want us to be a family," I said. "I want us all tied together in every way possible, including legally."

"But you don't really want to marry me," she deduced.

"That's not what I meant," I replied with a sigh. "I wouldn't be suggesting it _now_. I would have wanted you to finish school first – figure out where you want to go and what you want to do with your life before asking you if you wanted to settle around here."

"And it's different now," she said.

"Yeah, very different."

"I still want to finish school."

"Of course," I said. "You will – I'll do whatever I can to make sure you finish school. And then if you wanted to move away somewhere, then we would. I'd go wherever you got a job or wanted to live."

"Which you might not have done if we didn't have a child together?"

"I would have wanted to give you the option," I said quietly. "I've never lived anywhere but here, though."

"And I'm a country girl," Bella said with a smile.

"You ain't no city girl, that's for sure!"

"I think I like the city better," Bella said. "I can't even say exactly why, especially since I know most of what I've been around isn't the nicest area. I like all the options, though. It gives me more opportunity to see how economics impacts the different areas of town."

"You have weird hobbies," I said with a smile.

"It's what interests me," she said with a shrug. "I could probably use you as my thesis, you know. Going from all of this-"

She waved a hand in the air.

"-to the slums."

"Yeah, I suck at interviews, though."

Bella snickered and tucked her head against my chest. I wondered how she would feel if she saw my parents' estate. Compared to it, Aro's house was a double-wide.

"You still need health insurance," I reminded her. "The school is only going to cover so much. If we get married, both you and the baby are covered. I don't make enough for a separate policy on you."

"We'll figure it out," Bella said. "I don't want you to feel pressured into marrying me just because of…of this."

She patted her stomach, and I placed my hand over hers.

"I'll get money for insurance from Aro then," I said quietly. I didn't like it, not at all, but Bella needed to be taken care of _now_, and I wasn't going to let something stupid like money get in the way of her getting the best fucking care she could.

Maybe if I had done that with Angela…

My throat tightened up a bit.

"I'll get it from Aro," I repeated.

Bella's hand was suddenly against the side of my face.

"You're going to ask Aro for a handout?" she asked.

"If that's what it takes," I said. "I was going to go with loan, though.

Her eyes looked back and forth between mine.

"You mean it," she said. "You really are going to ask him for the money."

"Yeah, I mean it," I said as I narrowed my eyes. "Why wouldn't I?"

Bella sat there and eyed me for a long moment while a slow smile spread across her face.

"Okay," she said.

"Okay?" I asked. "Okay what?"

"Okay," she said again. "I'll marry you."

I was never one to actually whoop for joy, but I couldn't really help myself.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Would you have been as forgiving of the Irina reveal?

According to DK, this was one of my best lemons. Which ones has been your favorite?

See ya next week!

**Otherwise Alone:**

If you didn't see, I have published my first short story! It's called Otherwise Alone, and is available on the Kindle exclusively through Amazon. Link is on my FF profile page and blog! Don't have a Kindle? There are free Kindle reader apps for most devices and Smart phones available at Amazon!

For those who have asked, yes it is a short story - kind of a "trial" for me i suppose. There will be a second book!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	28. Tie the Knot

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Sorry about the lack of update last week, but hey - this one is early, so there's a plus!

I forgot this for the last chapter, but thanks to Jiff Simpson for suggesting "Mary Poppins Carpet Bag" – I was running out of clever purse names! :)

Thanks to DK, the ever-present beta and her willingness to put up with my poking and probing. Actually, I think she likes it. Also Deeper Water, who does the Caged reading questions AND even supplemented last week with questions about Otherwise Alone! If you haven't checked it out, do so. Link on my profile.

**"People mourn when they experience loss, and the mourning needs a name."**

* * *

**Chapter 28 – Tie the Knot**

With Bella under me, wrapped tightly in my arms in the bed we shared at my Uncle's house, I could almost feel at peace.

Almost.

The cool air from the air conditioning – _God, how I had missed AC _– mixed with the sweat on my back from the recent exertion made me shiver a bit. Bella still breathed heavily as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the mattress. Afraid of crushing her, I moved to the side and collapsed to the sheets with my arms still wrapped around her.

My hand crept to her stomach automatically. I couldn't seem to help either the action or the intrinsic fear that accompanied it.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked.

"Nothing," I lied. I shook my head and tried to clear it of thoughts.

"Yes you are," Bella argued. "Tell me."

I closed my eyes and took a long breath before looking to her face. For a long moment I didn't speak, but just looked at her. I tried to focus my thoughts on anything but red streaks on the floor, the acrid smell, and the sound of screaming in my ears.

Bella's hand moved over my cheek, and her eyes softened as they bore into me. I couldn't help but think about all those songs where people claimed they could see into each other's souls. I figured as long as she was looking at it, I might as well pour it out.

"Every time I think about…about it…" I paused and collected myself. My fingers tensed over her belly for a moment before I spoke again. "I see you…and blood. I can't make it stop."

Her fingers traced the edge of my jaw.

"I'm fine, Edward. Everything is going to be just fine."

"You don't know that."

"I believe it."

"Not the same." I looked away from her and buried my face against her shoulder.

She used her hand to tilt my head back to look at her.

"What can I do?" she asked. "What can I do to make this better for you?"

I shrugged. If I had any idea, I'd definitely tell her.

She blew a breath out her nose and scrunched her eyebrows together as her fingers tickled my cheek.

"Should we get married now?" she suddenly asked.

"Now?" I repeated.

"I mean today," she said. "Then I could go to the doctor on your insurance. Do you think that might make you feel better? Then we could have an ultrasound and you could see that everything was okay."

I stared at her long enough to determine she wasn't joking.

"It might," I admitted.

"Well, let's do it then."

…

Twelve minutes.

That's how long it took between the time we walked into the Judge's office and the time he handed us a signed certificate of marriage to take down to the clerk's office for filing.

"Smile!" Chelsea's camera flashed in my eyes.

"Come on!" I said with a roll of my eyes. "Will you cut it out?"

"It's your wedding day," she said. "There has to be a few pictures."

"I'm in jeans, for Christ's sakes."

"Well, Bella looks lovely, even if _you_ need a haircut," Chelsea said as she reached up and rubbed my head.

"You do need a haircut," Bella agreed.

She smiled at me, and for a brief moment everything was absolutely perfect.

Bella did look beautiful, just as Chelsea said. She was all decked out in a deep blue blouse and faded jeans that she claimed were getting too tight for her stomach, and she couldn't have been more lovely even if she had been in white satin or whatever. Even through the near shock of realizing what we had just done, I couldn't stop looking at her.

People always said when a woman was pregnant it made her glow, and in the summer sunshine Bella was doing just that. When she turned her smile on me, I felt like the light was coming from her and enveloping me in its warmth.

I reached out and wrapped an arm around her to pull her close. Still focusing on that smile, I kissed her softly there on the courthouse steps, and Chelsea continued to snap pictures.

"Shall we go to dinner and celebrate?" Aro asked.

I glanced at him with a raised brow.

"I haven't even gotten my first paycheck," I reminded him. "Not until next Friday."

"My treat," Aro said. "Consider it a wedding gift."

"You've done enough," I said. I grabbed Bella's hand and started towards the car.

"Edward!" Bella whispered harshly.

"What?"

"Stop being like that!"

"Like what?" I asked.

"You know what," she insisted. "Aro wants to take us out and celebrate, and you won't let him."

I looked away as I filled my lungs with air. She was right about one thing – I didn't want to let him do it. I didn't want him buying us dinner, even if he did have a somewhat legitimate reason to do so.

Before I could open my mouth, I glanced around at all the faces staring at me and practically daring me to say no. I rolled my eyes again.

"Fine," I said. I turned back towards Aro, who was reaching out to wrap his arm around his wife. "Nowhere expensive."

Aro beamed.

"Of course not," he replied, and he ushered us all to the car.

True to his word, he took us to a reasonably modest, but still elegant little tapas place. Bella had never eaten that way before, and it was fun to watch her try to figure out what was going on. We toasted with a bottle of sparkling grape juice, and Bella giggled at the bubbles in her nose.

Mostly it was good to just watch her.

I had to watch her pretty much all the time.

As long as my eyes were on her, the knot it my stomach loosened up a little. It was when she excused herself to the bathroom and didn't come back after thirty seconds that I started to lose it. Chelsea went to check on her, and I hovered just outside.

"She's perfectly fine," Chelsea said as she stuck her head out the door. "Go sit back down!"

"Stay with her, okay?"

"I will," Chelsea promised.

I was still a mess until she was back at the table and I wrapped an arm around her.

"Don't do that again," I growled.

"What?" Bella said. "Pee?"

"Take so long!" I snapped back.

"The stall was out of paper!"

My hands clenched. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself. I shoved the chair back, hauled ass to the curb outside the restaurant, and lit a cigarette. I could feel Bella behind me before she reached out and touched my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I said as I spun around and wrapped my arm around her. Then I remembered what was in my other hand. "Fuck! You shouldn't be around this!"

I tossed the cigarette into the street and watched the sparks fly around in the wind.

"I'm not handling this very well," I admitted.

"You're fine," she said softly. "I don't expect you to be magically better after one session with a therapist."

"I don't want to go back," I reminded her.

"But will you?"

"Yeah." I sighed and touched my forehead to hers. Her fingers ran up over my temple and into my hair.

"We'll schedule an appointment with the doctor on Monday. Chelsea said she thought she could get me in quickly – it's her doctor."

I nodded, and Bella leaned her cheek against my shoulder.

"It's okay," she whispered. "Everything is all right."

I wished I could believe her, but I settled for faking it during dessert. We went back to Aro's house, and they quickly excused themselves to the movies.

Subtle.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked as I pulled off my shirt and dropped it on the floor. She came up behind me, picked it up, and shoved it into the hamper.

"I'm okay," I said. Before she could say anything else, I latched onto her arm and pulled her towards me. I buried my face in her neck and snaked my arms around her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked.

"For being an ass," I replied. "And for throwing clothes on the floor."

"You _are_ a slob," she agreed.

"Sorry." I pulled her tighter against me, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt her fingers running through the hair on the back of my head.

"You really need a haircut," she reminded me.

"I don't have much reason to get one right now," I said. "I'm not fighting, so I don't think anyone's going to pull it."

Bella tugged gently at the strands.

"Yeah, but when you do it I just get turned on," I said with a laugh. I picked her up and dropped her down on the bed. I crawled over her and started nipping at her neck with my lips.

"You're tickling!" she cried out.

"I know," I said with a smile. I stopped and leaned back enough to get a good look at her. "My wife."

Bella smiled, and her cheeks turned red.

"Kind of weird, isn't it?"

"I don't really feel any different," I admitted. I tucked my head back against her neck. "You know I've been yours since I first saw you."

"Have you now?"

I nodded.

Bella's fingers moved around my back and shoulders.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you more," I replied.

She giggled.

"I changed my name for you," she countered.

"Hmm…Mrs. Cullen. I do like that."

"I do, too," she admitted.

I hushed her with my lips over hers as my hand worked the buttons of her jeans. I pushed them down far enough to get my fingers where they wanted to be, then proceeded to make her cry my name out over and over before I finally offered mercy.

I entered her slowly, pulled back, and entered her again. She surrounded me, engulfed me, and made me whole as I came apart inside of her.

All in all, it wasn't a bad wedding night.

…

The usual quiet morning in my uncle's household was interrupted with an early arrival to Sunday dinner. The voices, though the volume was low enough to not wake anyone upstairs, were heated and very familiar. I stopped my decent down the stairs and dropped my ass onto a step, unsure of what to do next.

I was supposed to be out of the house before this happened.

"He's been here for days?" Carlisle growled in a barely hushed voice. "My son has been here, at your house, for _days,_ and you don't even tell me? Seriously, Aro?"

"You aren't going to help any of this if you go off on a tirade," Aro responded with considerably more calm. "That certainly never helped in the past."

"Nice," he muttered back. "I don't need that thrown in my face."

Leaning out slightly to peer down the coiled staircase, I could see both of them standing in the foyer, blocking my escape. My father was in tan pants and a light blue polo shirt, and he paced back and forth over the marble floor looking like he was in the rough, searching for lost golf balls.

"I'm not throwing it in your face," Aro said. "But I am reminding you why you need to calm the fuck down. He's upstairs, and this isn't an executive meeting."

"I know, I know," Carlisle mumbled. "I'm sorry, you're right."

They both walked off to the right and out of my view. As much as I knew no good could come of it, I quietly walked the rest of the way down the stairs and towards the entrance to the kitchen. I could hear them both drop down on the stools at the breakfast bar, and my father took several long breaths before he started talking again.

"How does he look?" he asked. "Is he okay? I mean, is he in trouble or anything?"

"He looks…okay," Aro said.

"That doesn't sound good."

I shifted to the other side of the door, and I could see their dim reflections in a large landscape painting in the foyer. Aro's hands gripped a coffee cup as he spoke.

"He called from the same area where the police picked him up the first time."

"Shit – at that nasty warehouse? Where they found him with that dead girl?"

A brief flash, a vague memory of police cars, sirens, an ambulance, and the pale, blank face of a woman whose name I didn't know flashed through my head. I blinked rapidly, but there was nothing else to the memory. There was nothing else except mental fog and heroin-induced apathy.

"That place was torn down years ago," Aro said. "But he wasn't far from the area."

"Is he…is he doped up again?"

"No…no," Aro said quietly. "He said he was tempted, but he wasn't high when I found him."

"Jesus Christ," my father whispered. His hands gripped at his hair for a moment as he leaned his elbows on the bar. "I thought we were past that. I thought that trainer said she was going to keep him clean."

"He's all right, Carlisle. He's safe and he's here. Be thankful for that."

"I can't believe you kept this from me," Carlisle said. "When we agreed you would keep tabs on him, this wasn't what we discussed. Did your PI even know what was happening?"

"I was planning on telling you over dinner today," Aro said. "The PI's reports come to me weekly, and the last one informed me he was no longer in his apartment. He lost track of Edward for a couple of days, and by the time he figured it out, Edward was here."

Another long sigh.

"So why did he call you? Why now?"

"Well, I have to admit it gets a little complicated at this point," Aro said. The image in the picture frame blurred as a cloud passed over the house and dropped the level of light coming in from the kitchen windows. There was some shuffling around and the sound of more coffee being poured into mugs. "You remember the young lady who attended Emmett's wedding?"

"Miss Swan."

"She's expecting," Aro said. "Sometime in November."

A long pause ensued.

"I don't know what to think of that," Carlisle said quietly. "I…I'm a little torn here, Aro. You're the sensible one – what am I supposed to be feeling?"

"I don't think I can answer that for you," he said.

Silence.

As much as I wanted to walk around the corner and start throwing things, I didn't. As much as I wanted to quietly tip-toe out of the house, I didn't do that, either. I just stayed right there to the side of the kitchen entryway and stared at the landscape artwork, waiting for the sun to come back out.

"I don't want to fuck this up again." I could barely hear my father's voice. "You have to help me out here."

"You were overwhelmed before," Aro said. "You have a chance to think clearly now."

"I thought I was then," he said. "How was I supposed to predict what happened? I just didn't want him throwing his life away…but he did anyway. In the process, I lost only thing I ever made that meant anything."

"He's not lost, Carlisle. He's still there."

"He's lost to me. He's been lost to me for nearly a decade. I nearly lost Esme, too. "

"Esme lost herself."

"Esme was lost to grief," my father corrected. "She died inside when she realized he wasn't coming home."

My chest clenched.

"It's all my fault," he said.

"You can't change the past," Aro replied. "You have to find a way to push forward. He's here now, and I'll keep talking to him, but you can't expect him to just turn around in a day and say everything is okay again. There aren't going to be any miracles here."

"He's here," Carlisle said. "He's here; he didn't die in the street. That in itself feels like a miracle right now."

"There's more you need to know," my uncle continued. "They were married yesterday."

"You have to be fucking kidding me." There was the sound of the kitchen stool sliding across the floor and a hard, dark laugh. "Do you have any more surprises for me, Aro? Because I think I've had enough."

"She's good for him," Aro said. "Young, but sensible. Probably more sensible than he is."

The sun came back out, and I could see my father's figure bent over the counter with his head on top of his arms. The stool was shoved out behind him.

"No prenup?"

"Honestly, Carlisle, I don't think she even knows."

"That's a no then?"

"Of course not," Aro snapped. "He doesn't have the money for a lawyer, and he hasn't exactly changed his mind about handouts-"

"It's not a fucking handout. It's his – all of it's his. There wasn't any point to any of it without him."

"Thanks," Aro chuckled.

"You know what I mean."

"I do, yes."

"Esme will be here in an hour," Carlisle said. "What am I going to say to her? She was a disaster after Emmett's wedding, and now all this? I don't even know where to begin."

"He wasn't planning on staying," Aro said. "He was going to be out of the house before you arrived."

"Do you think he'll talk to me?"

"I don't think so. Not yet – it's still too soon. He's seeing a counselor – give it a little time."

"What about her?" my father pressed. His voice escalated. "Miss Swan…err…shit. What's her name now? Cullen? Do I really have a fucking daughter-in-law married to a son who won't speak to me? Is this really what I managed to do with my life? Multi-fucking-millions and nothing that actually matters?"

My throat bobbed as I swallowed, and I closed my eyes for a moment. I kept my hands clenched into fists to keep them from shaking, but I couldn't do anything about the trickle of sweat running down the back of my neck.

"Keep it down!" Aro hissed.

"Sorry," my father muttered. "This is just a bit too much. She's going to have my grandchild, and I don't even know what to call her."

"How about you call her Bella?"

"Right." He let out a long breath. "Will Bella talk to me?"

The tightening of my jaw should have been loud enough to alert them to my presence. Just him saying her name had me ready to start throwing punches.

"I don't know," Aro replied. "Edward wouldn't like it, I'm sure of that."

"Jesus, Aro. Can't you throw me a bone here?"

"All out."

My chest tightened as I moved around the corner and stood in the doorway. Both my father and uncle's eyes moves quickly to me, widened, and then blinked.

"Edward," my father whispered.

"Stay away from her," I warned. "Don't you say anything to upset her. If you say a fucking word to her, and she…if…if something happens, I swear to God, I'll kill you."

My hands were shaking, and even when I clenched them into fists, the vibrations just moved up my arms.

"I won't," my father said quietly. "I wouldn't – I swear."

His light blue eyes glistened as he spent a long moment looking at me.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said.

I laughed, and the sound was anything but humorous. My father looked away from me and down to the floor, and Aro took a slight step forward before he whispered low.

"Carlisle, don't waste the few words you may have here."

My father's eyes locked with my uncle's for a brief moment before he nodded and looked back to me.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Carlisle said. "I'm sorry for all of it. Everything that happened. I know if I had behaved differently…well…I don't know what would have happened, but at least you wouldn't have had to deal with it alone."

"Fuck you," I snapped back at him. "You think you can talk your way out of-"

Both of their expressions changed drastically as they simultaneously looked into the foyer behind me. I didn't have to look just to see who it was. I knew the feeling of Bella's hand on my arm. I wouldn't have said her touch calmed me, but I felt more centered.

"We need to leave now," I said without looking at her.

"Not yet," she replied.

"Bella, I'm not-"

"You don't have to stay," she said. Her eyes were on my father, and she gripped my arm a little as she started to walk towards him.

"Bella," I growled. I had no idea what else I wanted to say, but I didn't want her to do what I thought she was considering. She looked up at me and shook her head slowly.

"I need to know, Edward."

"Know what?"

"I need to hear everything else. I only know part of the story, Edward – your part. I need to hear the rest."

"Bullshit."

"I know," she said as her hand came up and cupped my cheek. "I know what it is to you, and I understand, but there's more than just you and me to consider, Edward."

"I am thinking about the baby!" I said through gritted teeth. "That's why I don't want you anywhere near him!"

Her other arm came up and rested on my shoulder as she leaned against me.

"The baby needs love," she told me. "Yours and mine, of course, but the love of a whole family, too."

She glanced over my shoulder, and I could see Chelsea moving up in my peripheral vision.

"You put her up to this?" I growled at my aunt.

"It's time to make amends, Edward," Chelsea said. "We all need to move forward."

I took a half step away from Bella and ended up with my back against the doorframe.

How fitting.

My lungs fought for air as my head began to swim.

"Not now," I heard myself say.

Bella's fingers moved down my arms until they grasped my hands.

"Come with me," she ordered.

A moment later she was pulling me back through the foyer and into the adjoining living room – away from the kitchen – where she shoved me down to the couch and knelt in front of me.

"Do you need one of those pills?" she asked.

I was shaking too much to give her a clear answer, but I made sure I held onto her hands. I didn't want her going anywhere. Thankfully, the Balrog's Backpack was nearby, and she seemed to have my anxiety prescription in it.

I couldn't even remember the name of the damn things, I only knew they worked. The shaking stopped within a few minutes, and I was left with just the desire to sleep it all off – like the next morning after a bad night of drinking only without the headache.

"Better?" Bella asked.

I tilted my head to the side and realized she was still next to me on the couch.

"Yeah," I said. I glanced around and saw Aro just outside the room, looking down at me. My father was several feet away from him like he was trying to hide or something. Too fucking late for that. Chelsea was holding a glass of water and asking if I wanted any, but I declined.

"You're calming down a lot faster now," Bella observed. "Even after such a short time."

I nodded, but there were bits of the previous conversation that were still running around through my head.

"What did he mean?" I asked as I looked towards the foyer and then up at Bella. "What did he mean about Tanya?"

"I…I don't know." Bella looked up at my uncle, who was hopping back and forth between his left and right foot. "Aro?"

"She was our best way of keeping tabs on him," Aro said. "Once we realized he wasn't on the streets anymore – that someone had taken him in – we talked to her and made sure she was going to keep him straight."

"Made sure?" Bella took the question right out of my mouth.

"We paid her off," my father admitted. "Enough money to keep her working as a trainer indefinitely."

"What the fuck," I mumbled. I couldn't even quite wrap my head around what they were saying.

"She'd been hurt," Aro said. "She couldn't fight anymore and wasn't having much luck working as a trainer. We gave her the funds to get her training business going, and she met with my PI and told him how you were doing."

"Nice," I mumbled.

The medicine was making me feel sleepy. I wanted to be pissed off, but I found it just wasn't working. I had only been up an hour, and I was ready to just crawl back into bed. It was a feeling I fucking hated, but was still preferable to ending up in the hospital again.

I closed my eyes, stretched out on the couch, and placed my head on Bella's lap. I heard someone come over next to my head and kneel down beside me. When I cracked open one eye, I almost flinched back at how close my father was to me.

"Pretty fucking shitty," I mumbled. "Spying on me like that. Paying her to do that shit. Fucker."

"Edward," my father said quietly. "You can hate me for the rest of your life, and I will still make sure someone is looking out for you. Always. You wouldn't let it be me, so I had to improvise. I think you're going to understand that someday. I hope you will."

"Fuck you," I muttered again as my head swam a bit and everything went dark. By the time I was awake again, Carlisle Cullen was gone and Sunday dinner postponed indefinitely.

…

With the marriage certificate in my personnel file and Bella added to my insurance through Twilight Silver, she was able to get an appointment with Chelsea's OBGYN and really start to take care of herself. The doctor even gave her three months worth of prenatal vitamins, which are apparently really important.

I didn't even know there was such a thing.

"Do you think the lack of prenatal care contributed to what happened before?"

We had passed the magical _three sessions_ mark a week ago, and she was being pretty fucking aggressive about some of the things we talked about. She said we were going to get around to talking about my current family, but I had to come to terms with the one I lost first. If I didn't do that, I was going to fail with the family I was trying to create, and I couldn't let that happen. So, Irina had been pretty fucking harsh. I kind of wished she was a fighter or at least a body builder – I wouldn't feel as bad if I ended up hitting her.

Of course, she was doing exactly what I asked her to do.

The bitch.

I shuddered a little, and then looked up to Irina.

"I never even heard of prenatal vitamins," I confessed, "or why Bella needs to make sure she has plenty of folic acid in her diet. I didn't know any of that shit until we saw Chelsea's doctor."

"Is that a yes?"

"I don't know," I said. "Angela's mother wouldn't ever talk to me or anything, so other than knowing…knowing what I could tell when I found her…well, I never knew anything else."

In my mind, there was a brief flash – a realization that I had just said her name and it hadn't made me double over.

"So you never found out what really happened?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Maybe none," Irina said. "Or it might make a lot of difference. It might give you some closure."

I dropped my eyes and fiddled with my fingers, which seemed to be the one thing I did more than talking during my sessions with Shrink Irina.

"Is there a grave?" Irina asked softly.

I nodded.

"Have you ever been there?"

I shook my head.

"Maybe you should."

I shook my head harder.

"Why not?" Irina asked.

"I just…can't go there. If I did, I'd probably lose my mind, and I wouldn't want Bella to see it."

"Why would Bella see it?" she asked.

"I couldn't do that by myself," I whispered. I couldn't look at her as I admitted my embarrassing fault. There was no way I'd be able to go there alone. I wouldn't make it past the gates.

"I'll go with you, Edward."

My eyes met hers.

"Really?"

"We can hold your next session there."

A long breath filled my lungs as I thought about it.

"I don't know," I finally muttered.

Irina leaned forward in her chair and focused on my eyes.

"How are you going to be a husband to Bella and a father to your child when you haven't let go of Angela?"

I hated the very idea, but Irina had this way about her, and it seemed like as soon as I said _no fucking way_, I found myself doing whatever she had suggested. This was no exception, and on Thursday Marcus drove me to the little Baptist cemetery where Angela was buried.

It took twenty minutes just to get out of the car, and another ten to walk the fifty yards towards the area where she was laid to rest.

Laid to rest.

It sounded so fucking peaceful, but all I could see was her lying on the bathroom floor, covered in blood.

"I can't do this," I whispered.

"Take your time," Irina said. "If it's too much, we can try again next week."

Leaning against the rough bark of a maple tree, I tried to stop myself from hyperventilating every time I looked over at the small, flat pair of matching gravestones with nothing on them but their names and dates. There was no way I was going to do this again, not next week, not ever. If I was going to make any kind of progress it was going to have to be now.

I took a step forward, and my fingers gripped at the tree bark.

My fingers flexed, and I took another step away. I could see the top of the stones with the simple names and dates on them. Angela's had both her birth date and the day she died, but the other one only had a single date on it.

"Matthew," I whispered. I looked up at my counselor. "She named him Matthew, after Angela's grandfather. Do people really name babies that…that don't live?"

"Of course they do, Edward. People mourn when they experience loss, and the mourning needs a name."

"Matthew," said again, even quieter than the first time. "He'd be nine now."

As the revelation hit me, I lost my balance and dropped on my ass in the dirt between them. A muted stab of pain went up through my tailbone, and the shock of it seemed to overwhelm the rest of my senses. My body convulsed once, and I ended up half flopped over my bent legs. My hands reached out, my right palm on the grave of my son I never knew, and the left on his mother's stone – the girl who never had a chance.

I sobbed.

Anguished, terrifying cries rose up into the warm sunshine.

I have no idea how long I was there, or at what point I quieted and realized Irina was there next to me, her hand resting gently on my shoulder.

"I need Bella." My words were so choked I could barely understand myself.

"Of course you do," Irina replied quietly. "Let's go find her."

Instead of leading me over to the car, Irina took me to the office near the front of the cemetery. There was a small area with a desk and a chair and a room off to one side. Bella was there, sitting on a couch and waiting for me with the Big Bag of Horrors at her feet.

I glanced at Irina, who nodded once.

"She'll take you home when you're ready," my counselor said. She and Bella exchanged a quick glance, and then Irina was gone.

I stumbled at her as she stood up and helped me to the little couch. My arms went around her, and I was probably holding her too tightly, but I couldn't bring myself to loosen my grip.

"I'm not going to fail you," I told her. "I swear…I won't."

"You didn't fail, baby," she whispered. "You were just a kid."

I wasn't going to argue – I didn't have the energy. All I seemed able to really do was hold onto Bella and try to keep my focus on how her fingers felt as they moved over my cheek, up my neck, and through my hair.

"I love you," I whispered. "I'll never, never let anything happen to you."

"I know you won't," Bella replied. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, either. I love you, Edward. So much…"

We clung to each other – Bella's hand against my cheek and my arms wrapped tightly around her – and I just listened to her breathing for the longest time. It was soothing and peaceful, like the slow rhythm of my heart in my chest. I remembered the sound of the baby's heart when we were first at the doctor, and my hand crept down to Bella's stomach.

"I want to believe what you said," I told her.

"What I said about what?" Bella asked.

"That…that you're all right. That you're going to be all right."

"I will," Bella said. "I promise, everything will be okay."

I squeezed my eyes shut as my mind tried to rebel against the very notion of making such an illogical promise. There were buses to be run over, planes to fall from the sky, and tidal waves to suddenly form in the middle of the river and drown us all out.

"I believe you." I looked up into her face. "I'm going to believe you."

…

Work remained good, for the most part. When I was left alone to just sit at my workbench and set stones, things went by fairly smoothly and quickly. The stones were cheap, but I still felt bad when I broke a few of them as I was relearning how to mold the metal into the right setting for the stone.

I mostly did rings, and I was starting to feel like a total shit for never giving Bella one. I was going to have to do something clever about that, but I wasn't sure what it was going to be. I knew I wanted to make her something, but I'd have to pay for the materials, and I didn't have the spare cash.

I selected a smaller sized bur and began to carve out the metal to fit the shape of the fire agate sitting next to me on the table. Just as I was getting ready to set the stone, the guy who swept up after hours came over to me.

"You just look really familiar," the dude said. "I know I've seen you before."

The guy had a greasy mullet and thinning goatee. He did pretty much fit the description of the usual _Feet First_ clientele, so I wouldn't have been too surprised if he knew who I was. I tried to shrug him off, but the guy wouldn't take a hint.

"I just have one of those faces," I replied with a half smile.

"What's your name?"

"Edward," I replied.

"You been workin' here long?"

"Just a few weeks," I said. "Still trying to get the hang of this."

I waved a hand towards the workbench and hoped he'd take the hint and fuck off. He didn't, of course.

"I still think you look awful familiar," he proclaimed. "What did you say your last name is?"

"I didn't," I replied.

"Okay…so what is it?"

Deciding the guy was just never going to give up, and being far too tired to come up with any sort of clever retort, I just came out with it.

"Cullen," I said. "Edward Cullen."

"Cullen? Really?" the dude said with a smirk. "What are you, some distant cousin or something?"

"No," I replied.

"But you're related to 'em, right?"

"I guess," I muttered.

"Well, how?"

I put down the bur and turned to face the guy.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen's son," I growled. "Now do you think you can leave me the fuck alone?"

He laughed.

"Bullshit!" he called out. "No fucking way!"

"Whatever." I tried to turn back to my work, but pimple-cheeks was in my face again.

"Who are you really?"

"Jesus Christ!" I snarled. "You want a copy of the fucking birth certificate?"

The shift supervisor – one I didn't know, since I wasn't on my normal shift – came up to us.

"Is there a problem here, gentlemen?"

"Get this asshole away from me," I growled.

"I think you need to calm down," the supervisor said.

_Calm down._

My fists clenched against my thighs, and I fought against the urge to start beating one of them with my fists while I kicked the other one to the ground to save for later. Remembering that the opposite of fight was flight, I shoved past both of them and made my way to the men's room where I did a little deep breathing until I calmed down. My shift was almost over, anyway, so I made myself fairly invisible until it was time to clock out.

I was going to have to figure out some way of dealing with this, or I was going to end up fired from the company I was destined to someday own. I decided to bring it up with Irina in our next session, but when I got there I discovered she already had an agenda for the day.

"I think I need some anger management," I announced as I walked into her office.

Irina laughed.

"I would tend to agree," she said, "but there are some key things you need to come to terms with first before that would be effective."

"What's that?"

"Let's talk about all the wonderful things in your life," she said as I sat down.

"Uh…is that sarcasm?"

"No," she said, "not at all."

"Well," I started slowly, "I still have a job at the moment, though I probably came close to losing it today."

"Would that be the reason to inquire about anger management?"

"Yep."

"Got it. We'll tackle that later. What else?"

"I don't know why we're doing this," I grumbled.

"Part of healing is recognizing the positives, Edward. There are many positives in your life you choose to ignore in favor of focusing on the negatives. We have to move past that."

"The shitty stuff stands out. Everything that's happening right now reminds me of…of what happened before. Whenever we go to the doctor or Bella says something about how she's feeling…all of it comes back. I've done all this before, even though Bella hasn't. Every other word out of her mouth makes me think about…about Angela."

"But Bella isn't Angela," Irina said. "Did you love Angela?"

I swallowed.

"Yes," I said.

"And do you love Bella now?"

"More than anything."

"How do you feel about the baby that is coming?"

"I don't know if I can survive that long," I said with a quick laugh through my nose.

"Why do you say that?"

"I just don't know how I'm going to make it through," I said. "I mean – Bella's just out of the first trimester. I've got months of this."

"And each day brings you closer to the end," Irina said.

"That's what it feels like," I agreed.

"That isn't what I meant," Irina clarified. "I mean it brings you closer to the end of the pregnancy – the beginning of fatherhood."

"I don't really think about that," I admitted. "The whole _being a father_ thing. It's too…too abstract."

"Did you think about it when Angela was pregnant?"

"Yeah. Look where that got me."

"Edward," Irina leaned forward in her seat like she always did when she was trying to make some monumental point that would end up lost on me. "Everything happens for a reason."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Everything that happened in your past brought you to where you are now. Would you ever have had the opportunity to meet Bella if it weren't for the earlier tragedies in your life?"

"Are you saying Angela had to _die_ for Bella and me to be together?" I stood up and pointed a finger at her. "That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in my life! Angela and the baby had to _die_ so I could be happy with another girl? Are you fucking serious?"

"Of course not," Irina said softly. "Please sit back down."

I huffed through my nose as I slowly lowered myself back to the cliché couch.

"I'm asking you to consider the positive things in your life," Irina clarified. "Your focus is often on the negative aspects, but there are many good things that have happened to you as well."

"Bella."

"Yes, Bella," Irina agreed. "You also haven't relapsed again."

I nodded.

"What else?" she prompted.

"Um…I'm not on the street."

"You have an uncle who cares for you quite a bit."

I nodded again, noticed I was chewing on my lower lip the same way Bella did when she was deep in thought, and made myself stop it.

"Chelsea, too," I said. "Chelsea has been awesome – for Bella, too. I don't think Bella ever really had a woman in her life who did shit for her like Chelsea does. She's been like how Bella's mom was supposed to be."

"That's your uncle's wife, correct?"

"Yeah," I said. "Emmett's mom, too."

"Have you talked to Emmett since you moved in with your uncle?"

"Nah," I said. "He's on some big business trip in China or something. He won't be back until the end of the month."

"Your relationship with him remained civil while you were out of touch with the rest of your family."

"Mostly," I agreed. "We had our moments."

"You were close to him when you were younger?"

"When Aro married Chelsea," I said, "Emmett came along with the deal. We were about the same age, and we got along right away. It was good to have someone to hang out with during family gatherings and shit – I hadn't had that before."

"What about now?"

"His wife is a bitch," I said with a laugh.

"How so?"

"She just is. She was like that in high school, too. I think Emmett saw her as a beast to be tamed. They had an on-again-off-again relationship from about freshman year until three years ago. They got married last summer."

"But you didn't approve."

I shrugged.

"I guess I don't care, really," I said. "Emmett loves her, so I guess that's the part that matters. He says she loves him, too, and I guess that's probably true. I still think she loves the money as much as anything."

"You walked away from the money," Irina noted.

"I made enough fighting," I replied nonchalantly. "Well, I guess I'm making more now, but it's not the same. Fighting was…"

"Was what? " she asked when I didn't finish.

"Cathartic, I think. Yeah, that's probably the best word for it. I liked fighting."

"Why did you stop fighting?"

"Well, I kind of got kicked out, for one," I reminded her.

"You were removed from cage fighting at one bar, Edward. There are plenty of gyms where you could practice boxing or various other fighting arts. Have you looked into that?"

"I didn't really think about it."

"Fighting isn't unhealthy," Irina said. "It's a good outlet for your aggressions."

"Bella doesn't like it."

"Bella doesn't like you making a living getting beat up," Irina corrected. "This wouldn't be the same. Why don't you talk to her about it?"

"I don't want to upset her." I shrugged once. "She always freaked out when I came home beat up, and she was upset when I just had a black eye or a particularly nasty bruise."

"Do you think fighting in a cage with random people who are trying to make a show of a blood sport is the same as putting on a pair of gloves and boxing with a trainer?"

"No."

"Then why do you think Bella would see them the same way?"

"Fuck you," I muttered.

Irina leaned forward in her chair.

"May I make an observation?" she asked.

"Since when do you ask for permission?" I countered.

She nodded.

"The first words out of your mouth every time I make a point you secretly agree with are 'fuck you.'"

"Bullshit."

"That's your second response to the same thing."

I crossed my arms over my chest, leaned back on the couch, and glared at her.

"And predictable number three," Irina said with a smile, "silence."

I was about to roll my eyes, but I had a pretty good idea that the number _four_ was going to come into play if I did.

_Four! Four ways of avoiding the truth! Ha! Ha! Ha!_

I was never one to give up, but I finally admitted she was right.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Way back in the day I did group counseling for court ordered adolescents. The was one who say nothing but "fuck you" for three weeks, but he eventually came around. Made a damn good pineapple upside down cake, too. This chapter made me thing of him. :)**  
**

A lot of people have asked me how much is left, and though I don't know the exact number of chapters, we are getting close to the end.

I am off to bed - I have to work at 3am and need a little sleep first. Have a great weekend!

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, Otherwise Alone, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	29. Release the Pressure

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday y'all! No time for chit-chat...there's Spartacus to watch!

Thanks to DK for the beta job, and Deeper Water for the reading group questions!

**I wanted to fight.**

* * *

**Chapter 29 – Release the Pressure**

"Bella? Can I ask you something?"

It had been far too warm, cozy, and comfortable in the bed to actually ruin the moment like I was about to do. Then again, there was probably never a good time. I rubbed my forehead against her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. She smelled good.

"Of course," she responded.

"Do I…?" I hesitated. Talking about it with Irina wasn't easy, but it was more abstract. Saying it out loud to Bella made it real.

"Do you what?" Bella asked. She shifted around and lifted her shoulder slightly so I had to look up at her.

I glanced at her face once and then dropped my eyes. My hand dropped as well and covered the slightly rounded bump at her abdomen. Sighing again, I glanced around the room and wondered why it didn't occur to me to go with all the stall tactics _before_ I opened my mouth instead of afterwards.

Bella poked me until I started talking again.

"Do you think I…?" More hesitation. I smashed my lips together, furrowed my brow, and tried to find the perfect phrasing. There wasn't any, of course, so I chose the worst and blurted it out. "Just how big of an asshole am I?"

"What kind of question is that?"

I shrugged.

"I _am_ an ass," I stated.

"Sometimes." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why are you asking this?"

"Something Irina and I talked about," I said. More hesitation from me caused Bella to give me a bit of a shove.

"Irina called you an asshole?" Disbelief colored Bella's words.

"Not exactly."

"What is this all about?" she asked as she turned a little to get me to look at her.

"Do you…do you think I…you know…hide from shit?"

"What do you mean, _hide from shit_? Hide from what?"

"The truth," I said with a shrug. I couldn't look at her anymore, so I pressed my face into the side of her neck and looked out over her collarbones.

Bella's index finger trailed up the center of my back, across my neck, and up to my temple. She shifted a little, sighed, and turned her head towards mine.

"When someone says something you don't want to hear, you like to avoid it, yes. When it's something…big…and you can't hit it, you run from it."

"Like when you told me…told me about...about being pregnant?"

"Exactly like that." I could hear the tension in her voice.

"I'm sorry," I told her. I know I had said it before, but I had the feeling in some ways it would never be enough. There weren't enough _sorrys_ for what I did.

Hearing Irina say it was one thing, but having Bella confirm it had my head spinning around to locate memories where I had avoided what was going on around me for the sake of my own inability to cope. It started with how Angela's death happened and how I went straight to drugs. Heroin was the obvious and easy escape, but running from Bella was another – on more than one occasion. Even telling Bella to think of me as her brother had been a way of avoiding how I was feeling about her, even that early on.

I hid inside of a cage for a good chunk of my life to avoid the reality of what was outside of it. There was hurt and pain inside the cage I knew how to handle, but the emotions that went with losing those I held dear was too much outside.

So what was I supposed to do now?

"I don't want to do that anymore," I told Bella, "but I'm not really sure how."

Her grip on me tightened just a little.

"I'm glad to hear that," she said. "And the _hows_ will come to you. I think it's probably more important you realize you are doing it right now, and we'll figure out the other shit as we get there."

I chuckled softly and hugged her close.

"I love you," I said.

"Love you, too," she replied. "I'll be here for you – whatever you need."

I snuggled against her some more.

"Do you think…" I paused again. Why the fuck was talking so fucking hard, anyway? "It's just, Irina thought…fuck."

"It's okay, Edward," Bella said. "Take your time."

"There's some shit I need to do," I blurted out. "It's shit that maybe if I had done it back then, I wouldn't have to do it now, but if I had I wouldn't be here with you, so maybe it was okay after all. Or at least for a reason, you know?"

"I haven't the slightest idea what you're saying, Edward."

"Fuck."

"Just slow down a little and try again," she suggested.

"I think…" I paused one last time. "I think I want to talk to my mother."

Bella stared hard at me, and the tip of her tongue crept out over her bottom lip. I fought against the desire to lick her lips myself, and then maybe roll her around in the sheets for a while. The timing didn't seem quite right.

"Are you ready to do that?" Bella asked.

"I think so," I said, but then I thought about it again. "I'm not, really. I think if I wait until I feel ready it'll never happen, though."

"Then I think you should do it," she agreed. "Did you have some idea when or where?"

"Irina said it would be best to do it in a session," I said. "I thought that made sense."

"That does make sense."

"She was going to call Mom and set it up."

"Good." Bella ran her hand through my lengthening hair. I still hadn't gotten it cut, and it was starting to get shaggy and totally untamable. I just couldn't justify the eight bucks to get it done – not when I should be saving the money for the Doctor's co-pay.

My hand rubbed over the little bump on Bella's stomach again.

We had talked so little about the baby. I could only assume that was because I was being an asshole about the whole thing. Talking about keeping Bella healthy was one thing – I would want to do that regardless – but I hadn't really talked about the baby at all.

Why not?

Because all I could think about was all the shit I bought for the last one that was never used. I had pretty much drained the savings account I had to buy all kinds of shit for a baby who never came. All the stuff that had value at a pawn shop fed my habit, while the rest ended up in a dumpster.

_Bella isn't Angela,_ I reminded myself. _And the baby isn't Matthew._

Talking about it was going to make it all very, very real. The fear of something happening had been real the whole time, but the pending arrival of a child was the furthest thing from my mind. In my head, I saw images of Bella quickly hiding the baby and parenting magazines she had been looking through as I walked into the room, and I felt like a total shit.

My fingers stroked the bump again.

"When is the sonogram?" I asked softly.

"Friday," Bella responded. "I couldn't get in except during your work hours, but it's okay – Chelsea said she could drive me."

"I'll go," I said.

"You don't have to," Bella said.

"I want to," I told her. I turned my head to look up into her face again. "I want to see our baby."

Bella's face seemed to almost melt tension away, and a tear dripped from the corner of her eye. I reached up and quickly wiped it away.

"You mean that?" she asked.

"I do," I said. "I want to know if Crazy Alice is right about it being a girl."

Bella laughed and hugged me tightly. I rolled to my back, taking her with me, and kissed the top of her head. I inhaled deeply to bring the scent of her hair further into my mind. She smelled so good, like she always did, and for some reason that made me start thinking about how good she was over all. Completely and totally good. Good for me.

And what did she get? An ex-junkie who can't face his past. Nice trade there.

_You're getting better._

Yeah, maybe. Irina said so. Bella seemed okay with the progress I had made, even if there were some things I still couldn't seem to do. I hoped going with her for the sonogram was a good move and I didn't freak out or anything. The very idea of it was stressful, though I couldn't say exactly why. Seeing the…the baby…inside of her with a little machine that saw through her skin? It was just weird.

And kinda gross.

But still, I had to do those things – I had to show her I could be what she needed. I wasn't really sure if she knew how much I thought about that, and telling her just sounded weird.

_If you don't tell Bella how you're feeling, how can you expect her to know? Osmosis?_

Irina's voice echoed around in my head.

I licked my lips and took a long breath. My hand moved up and down Bella's back, but there was still a lot of tension just underneath my skin. The deep seeded desire to punch something was creeping up my spine and into my shoulders. I wanted to swing, make contact, and feel the jarring sensation through my arm. I wanted to feel the pain in my knuckles when I made a good hit.

I wanted to fight.

"You know I love you, don't you?" I said. My voice sounded desperate, but I wasn't sure why. I just knew it was important for her to know – like Irina had told me.

"I know, Edward," she replied. She pushed herself up and crossed her arms over my chest before resting her chin on her forearm. "I love you, too."

Her eyes smiled at me, but they didn't offer comfort. If anything, it distressed me more.

"I mean really, really love you," I said with more earnest. I wrapped both my arms up around her shoulders. When I hugged her, I brought her a little further up my chest.

"I know," she said again.

"I'd do anything for you."

She reached up and touched the tip of my nose with the tip of her finger.

"Edward, what are you getting at?"

"I…I want…" I stopped. I couldn't say this. I didn't want to upset her.

"What do you want?" she pressed.

I sighed heavily.

"I want to fight again," I said, and I felt Bella go tense under me. Before she could say anything, I quickly continued. "Not competitively or anything, just at a gym. You know – practicing…training…sparring. That kind of shit."

"No cage?"

"No cage," I confirmed.

Bella went quiet for a minute, and with each passing moment I was more on edge. When she started to open her mouth, I cringed back and prepared for the worst.

"Then do it," she said.

"Really?" My eyes went wide as I turned back to her face to make sure I wasn't imagining everything. "But you hate it."

Bella's lips pressed together for a moment.

"I hated you in the cage," she whispered. "You were hurt all the time, and I never knew when you were going to end up in the hospital with another concussion or stitches. I was always afraid it was going to be worse. They paid you shit money, and since it was all under the table you had no way of defending yourself when they cut you loose. But what you're talking about…"

She waved a hand in the air.

"That's not the same thing. I know you like to…to do that. I'm not going to pretend I understand it, but I know it means a lot to you. I think having you go and…fight with a trainer or whatever would be good for you."

"You meant it?"

"Of course."

There really wasn't any way to say what I felt, so I just wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could without actually hurting her and kissed her over and over again until she was squirming and laughing in my arms.

"I don't deserve you," I informed her.

Bella took my face in her hands, tilted her head, and did that _stare into my soul_ thing that she does.

"Well, you are stuck with me anyway."

"I can live with that."

…

Neutral ground.

That's what Irina called it.

It didn't feel neutral; it felt more like death row. I ate my "last meal" protein bar as the clock ticked, and Marcus sat close enough to the door of the waiting room that he could catch me if I tried to make a break for it.

Deep, cleansing breaths…didn't do a fucking thing for me.

"Ready, Edward?"

I glanced around the room, a little confused, but stood up and followed Irina into her office.

"I thought you said she was going to be here?"

"She will be," Irina said. "I wanted to give you a little time to get settled before she comes. She'll be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Oh."

"How are you feeling right now?"

"Nervous," I admitted.

"That seems pretty reasonable, given the circumstances. When was the last time you talked to your mother?"

"I saw her at Emmett's wedding," I said. "And she came to the hospital after I was stabbed."

"And you talked to her then?" Irina asked.

"Not…exactly. There was more yelling than talking."

"Do you expect today will be like that, too?"

"I have no idea."

"Tell me something you remember about your mom from when you were a child," Irina suggested.

"She read to me a lot," I said.

"Is that something you enjoyed?"

I shrugged.

"I guess."

"What else do you remember?"

I chuckled.

"Outing days," I said. "Mom would pick all these weird places to go on the weekend when Dad had to travel on business."

"Weird places?"

"Not exactly _weird_," I said. I tried to think of the best way to describe it. "They just weren't the _usual_ places. We wouldn't go to the movies or the park. We'd go to the pond near the college and feed the swans lettuce, or we'd go into the attic of one of the old buildings on campus and explore. They just…weren't the usual mother-son activities, I guess."

"Did you like doing those things?"

"Yeah," I said. "No one else ever did that kind of shit."

A quiet, timid knock came from the office door, and my eyes locked with Irina's.

"Ready?" she asked softly.

My head shook _no_ without hesitation, and Irina smiled with half her mouth.

"If you decide it's too much," she told me, "you tap on your knee with your index finger, and I'll end the session. Okay?"

"Okay," I replied with a hoarse voice.

Irina stood and walked across the room in what had to be the slowest slow motion that ever didn't really exist outside my imagination. It took hours, and at the same time, was far too fast. Irina's hand clasped at the knob, the door opened, and there she was.

Neat pants suit, hair up, makeup perfect – just like she always was. Extraordinarily beautiful, and looking like she had barely aged a day in the past decade.

Despite her polished appearance, she still looked like she would kneel down in a sandbox to play without batting an eye. She would, too. Or at least, she would have in the past.

Would she do that with my child?

"Hello, Edward," she said. Her voice was so quiet I couldn't really hear it, though I knew what she had said.

"Mom," I replied. I had to swallow and look away.

Irina directed her to the seat across from me.

"I know this is difficult for both of you," Irina said. "I'm hoping you will both decide to just talk to each other without my interference, but I can also help prod you along a bit. I think it would be good if Esme says a little bit about what's on her mind. Is that okay with you, Edward? Is it okay if your mother starts?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "That's fine."

"Esme? Tell Edward what you're thinking right now."

"I miss you," she said immediately. I didn't look up at her – couldn't. I knew there were tears running down her face, and I didn't want to actually see them. "So much, Edward…I can't even…"

She took a long, staggered breath.

"I'm so, so glad you're with your uncle now, and that you are willing to talk to me."

"Bella wanted it," I replied.

It sounded worse than I really meant it.

"Do we…" She stopped, and I heard her breathing become more haggard.

"What do you want to say, Esme?" Irina asked quietly.

"Do we have a chance?" she asked, and a small sob escaped from her. "Will you talk to me, please?"

For the longest time, I just stared at my fingers on my lap. My mind was completely blank, and I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I didn't know what I was supposed to say, I didn't know what I wanted to say. I had no idea what could make everything all right again, and I wasn't even sure if that was what I wanted.

"Bella wants a family," I said finally. "She's…she's having a baby, you know."

"I know," Mom said. "Your father told me."

"November," I said. "She's supposed to have it in November."

"Aro said you were…scared."

I tensed. I didn't like that he was talking to her about me. I mean, I knew he was – it's not like he kept any of that shit a secret – but hearing her actually say it out loud…well, that was different. I didn't like it.

Well, I didn't like most of it.

Part of me screamed that she wanted to know – that they had all been talking about me the past ten years all the time…that I was still in their minds…in their hearts. I wanted to know they hadn't forgotten me or stopped caring, and that she really did miss me.

"It will be all right," she said quietly. "We're going to take care of you. We're going to take care of Bella, too."

I had no idea what it was. Her words…her tone. Maybe it was just because she said she was going to take care of Bella…I didn't know. I just fell apart.

Completely.

Utterly.

For once, it was my mother's arms around me as all the pain and sense of loss poured out. Though she had been at the center of it years ago, I couldn't help but lean on her when she was next to me on the couch and holding me against her. She cried. I cried.

It was actually really fucking weird.

Too weird.

Too much.

I pushed her away from me and raced across the room. I ended up next to the window instead of the door, so I had no way to get out. I just leaned against the ledge and counted the plum tree's lame excuses for fruit.

"Edward, can you tell your mom what you are thinking right now?"

"She fucking let him," I mumbled.

"Let him what?" Irina pressed.

I turned and glared at my mother.

"You didn't stop him," I stated. "You just let him…let him say all that shit. He said all that shit to Angela and scared the crap out of her. She didn't know what to do, and she wouldn't tell anyone after that. You let him…"

"I knew he was right, Edward," Mom said softly.

I tensed and was about to walk right the fuck out because staying meant possibly punching out my mother. Irina stopped me with a hand and made me sit back down.

"Esme, could you please clarify what you mean by that? It sounds like you are agreeing with Carlisle's harsher words towards Angela."

"Not the words themselves, no," she said, "but the thought behind them. If you were out of each other's lives, you wouldn't be so hell-bent on becoming a father at seventeen. You weren't ready for that kind of responsibility."

"How do you know what the fuck I was ready for?" I bellowed as I turned to glare at her.

"Because you were my son!" she cried back. "You still are, and I still know you – even if you haven't been in the family all this time! I can see how much you've changed…grown. Even since the wedding, you're different."

I looked back to the window and tried to keep my breathing from going completely overboard. I couldn't think straight when that started to happen.

"He only wanted to protect you," I heard her whisper.

"Well, he didn't!" I snapped. "He didn't fucking protect me at all!"

"I know!" she sobbed. "It didn't work! Nothing worked! And then you were…you were just _gone_!"

I didn't move from the window as I tried to tune out her crying. It didn't work, which wasn't surprising. My chest clenched, and though I wasn't hyperventilating any longer, my head was still dizzy.

"We looked for weeks, Edward," she said. "After…after the funeral. There was no sign of you – none! The police kept looking for you, but every time they thought they found you, it wasn't. When the report came in…when they finally did really find you…"

Another choking sob.

"You…the way you were living…and you wouldn't leave! You wouldn't talk to us! You said you'd rather go to jail than come home with us! You had been strung out for…for days, they said! You almost _overdosed_! Edward, you used to lecture friends of ours about _smoking_ when you were in kindergarten, and you were using _heroin_!"

A shiver went thought my body.

The warehouse.

I knew the place she meant. There were vague, heroin-clouded memories of police cars, an ambulance, a coroner…but nothing concrete.

_Been dead for days…_

_Should be condemned…_

_Crazy drugged-up kids…_

"Edward?" Irina's vice floated over to the window and bounced back into my face. "Can you speak to me?"

"I…I don't remember…" I admitted. "I don't remember any of that."

"Would you sit back down?"

I let her lead me back over to the chair – the one opposite the place where Mom sat on the couch. My eyes found the area rug on the floor and tried to make some sense out of the patterns there. I couldn't. It was random and pointless.

"Edward?" Irina again. I eventually looked up at her after she repeated my name a few times. "Do you remember what we talked about before? Your concern about Bella when she first told you she was pregnant?"

"Um…" I cleared my throat again. "Yeah."

"There were things you were thinking then…things you said to Bella."

"That shit…" I wanted to say it didn't matter – that it wasn't the same. I wanted to deny it all, but I couldn't. Instead, I looked up into my mother's eyes for the first time.

Pants creased, hair beginning to fall out of its pins, makeup smeared.

When had she ever done anything but try to make it right? When had I done anything but try to push her away?

"I…I…I can't…" I stuttered, and then I remembered what Irina said earlier and started tapping my finger on my knee.

"I think that's enough for now," Irina said immediately. I could see my mother's surprise, but it didn't seem to matter to my counselor. Twenty seconds later, she had ushered Mom out the door. She was gone less than a minute before she came back in and knelt beside me.

"You okay?"

"I don't know," I said. "I think…maybe."

"Pretty intense?"

"Yeah."

"Good intense?"

"Not sure yet."

"Fair enough." Irina stood back up. "Take a few minutes to get yourself together. That's more than enough for one day. Next week we'll talk about today and talk about if you want to do that again."

"Again?" I said. "Are you nuts?"

"You don't think that was the end of it, do you?"

"I…I don't know."

"One step at a time," Irina said. "You did really well. I'm proud of you."

She smiled at me and nodded her head. I gave her a bit of a smile back, sat there for a few minutes while she wrote in her notebook, and then headed out to the lobby.

"How are you, Edward?" Marcus asked as we walked down the stairs.

I wondered if he had ever asked me that before and couldn't really come up with an answer.

"I'm…okay," I replied. "Tired."

"I think that's to be expected," he said with a nod. "Home, I assume?"

"No," I said. "I want to go to the gym and beat the shit out of something."

"Then the gym it is."

The trainer wasn't ready for me, and I was okay with that. I slapped him around the mat for a while, and it definitely made me feel better. Even with the gloves. By the time I was done, I was sweating and exhausted.

Marcus stayed on the side of the ring and watched with a half grin on his face.

"What?" I asked as I flipped over the ropes.

"You did well," Marcus said.

"I kick ass," I told him. I offered up my own lopsided grin.

"You do," he agreed. "Feel better?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Home?" he asked.

"To Bella," I replied.

"To Bella," he agreed.

…

The next day was the long-awaited sentencing hearing for one Jacob Black, assaulter and batterer.

The fucker plea bargained his way down from attempted murder, for Christ's sakes. No one asked for my opinion, but I didn't have any doubt he was trying to kill me. Not that it mattered now. I got the girl – he was going to get a prison sentence.

The grip on my hand tightened as we walked into the courtroom and sat down. Jacob was in one of those prison-orange jumpsuits and sitting with a court appointed attorney near the front. He looked back at us as we walked in, and his eyes narrowed at me.

I glared back, and just for good measure, I reached over and rubbed at the center of Bella's abdomen. Bella's hand covered mine, and she turned her head into my chest. She didn't want to see him – I knew that much. I only hoped he'd be going away for a long time.

Jacob's eyes widened, and I knew he got the message. A moment later he slumped slightly in his seat and shook his head.

I resisted the urge to yell out at him and remind him just what had to happen for her to be in such a state. It didn't quite seem like the time of place, but I would have been lying if I said I didn't take great pleasure in his duress over it.

Actually, I fucking loved it, sick asshole that I was.

The DA walked up and told us not to worry – it should all be over pretty quickly and Bella probably didn't even have to get on the stand. I was glad about that. The prosecuting attorney still thought I was going to have to get up there, but about twelve seconds into it, the defense attorney and the prosecuting attorney went up to the judge's bench for a little powwow. When they were done, Jacob was sentenced to five years, and we were told we could go.

"Fuck," I muttered, "that was easy. We didn't have to do anything"

"I'm just glad it's over," Bella whispered. She was pale, and I wrapped my arm around her waist to hold her close.

"It's okay," I told her. "He's gone for a long time, and we're fine."

We each got paid twenty dollars for showing up.

"We could go out and celebrate," I suggested.

Bella gave me a slight smile but shook her head.

"It would probably be better to use it for something we need."

I couldn't argue with her logic.

"We could…um…" I steeled myself against my own thoughts. This made it more real for me than anything. How many times had I done this before? Running to a store after school to buy things the baby would need? "We've got a few hours before the sonogram appointment. We could go shopping for…um…for the baby?"

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Yes, please."

So we did.

When you are really paying attention, you can actually get quite a bit for forty dollars.

Marcus drove us to one of those stores that had "pre-owned" items for babies. We found one of those pumpkin-type car seats that would normally cost quite a bit at a price we could handle, and a few other things as well. Bella started crying when we picked out the seat.

"What's the matter?" I asked. I pulled her against me and let her get my shirt all wet.

"I'm just…_glad_," she said. "I was really worried about not having any place to put the baby. Now I have a place for it."

It made no sense what-so-ever to me. There would be months before the baby would need to be put anywhere, but it was apparently really important to Bella. She held on to me and cried a little more, then laughed at herself.

"I feel silly," she whispered. Her eyes darted around to other patrons.

"Don't," I said. "Is there anything else you want to have now?"

We picked out a few more things before having Marcus drive us back to Aro's house. I sighed as soon as we got there, immediately recognizing my cousin's taste in cars parked near the front door.

"Emmett is here," I informed Bella.

"Are you okay with that?"

I shrugged.

"It's okay." There wasn't a whole lot I could do about it anyway. It was his mother's house.

I carried the bags inside and was thrilled to death to see Rosalie in the foyer as soon as we walked in.

How was that on ye old sarcasm scale?

"Hello, Edward…Bella." Rosalie's smile was disingenuous, to say the least.

I didn't like the way she said Bella's name, either. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it reminded me that I had never asked Bella about knowing Rosalie as a child. I was going to have to remember to do that.

"Rose," I nodded. As long as I was in this house, I'd be relatively polite to her.

"I hear congratulations are in order," she said. "Doing things all out of order, but marriage and baby, hmm?"

I stopped and stared at her, mentally revoking all thoughts of being polite.

"Too bad you didn't have a ceremony we could all attend," she went on. "It would have been nice to see what sort of scene I could cause during your reception."

"You pretty much forced me there," I reminded her. "If you think I'm going to apologize to you for that, you can suck my cock."

"Edward!" Bella hissed.

"Just a figure of speech," I said with a glance in her direction.

"Not the point!" Bella glared at me. "I'm going to go put these away."

She brushed past Rose and rushed up the stairs.

"Family reunion going swimmingly, I see?" Aro walked in from the kitchen with Emmett just behind him.

"You married a bitch," I informed Emmett.

"Yeah, but she's hot," Emmett said with a big smile. He came up behind a bitter-faced Rosalie and wrapped his arms around her waist. He tried to kiss the side of her neck, but she pushed him away.

"I need to speak with Chelsea," she muttered as she started walking away.

"You go do that," I quipped back. "And next time I decline your fucking invitation, take the fucking hint."

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked over her shoulder at me.

"You know I only did that for your own good," Rosalie said. "It didn't really work out as well as I hoped, but I only did it to bring you back with them all. Emmett wanted it so much. I know we haven't really talked since we were still in high school, but I still know how much you meant to this family…and how much they meant to you. That can't all have changed, not even after everything you've been through."

I narrowed my eyes at her but didn't respond.

"She means well," Emmett said as he walked over. His hand clasped my shoulder. "She has a shit way of showing it, I know. She never learned how to do any of that shit as a kid."

"What shit?" I asked.

"Being with people," Emmett said with a shrug. "You remember how she was in high school."

"She was a total bitch," I said. "She was only pleasant if she was winning at Halo."

"Why do you think I still let her win?" Emmett chuckled.

"Rosalie has her methods," Aro admitted. "Sometimes they are as harsh as yours can be, Edward.

I felt the phrases _fuck you_ and _bullshit_ creep around on my tongue, and the urge to cross my arms and roll my eyes followed immediately when I bit my tongue. While I debated over various inappropriate reactions to the truth, Bella came back down the stairs.

"Are you ready?" Bella asked tentatively. Her eyes darted around for a moment, presumably looking for her female cousin-in-law. "Hello Emmett."

"Hey there, Bella," Emmett said. "Welcome to the family."

"Thanks," Bella said.

"Let's go," I said. I grabbed her hand and got myself the hell out of there. Seeing Bella's insides on a monitor was a much less uncomfortable idea than hanging around my cousin's wife.

Marcus drove us to the doctor's office, and we hung out in the waiting room full of screaming little kids and women with simply huge stomachs. Bella smiled and laughed at the kids' antics, but it all just made me nervous. Once it was our turn, Bella lay down on the table while a nurse got everything set up.

"All ready?" I asked. I could hear the nervousness in my voice.

"I am," Bella said. "Are you?"

I could only nod. Any words would have given me away.

Bella shivered and complained about the cold goop the nurse smeared over her belly, but as soon as the nurse moved onto the next step and images began to appear on the monitor next to her, she stopped talking all together and just stared at the screen.

"What is that?" she asked in amazement.

"That would be your baby's heart beating," the nurse said. She smiled and pointed out the head and stomach, the arms, and the legs. "Did you want to know the sex?

"Yes," we replied in unison.

The nurse chuckled, moved the magic wand around Bella's stomach again, and then proclaimed we were going to have a daughter. I had no idea how she could figure that shit out – I couldn't tell the head from the foot.

"Fuck me," I muttered. "She was right!"

"I thought she would be," Bella said. "She was just too confident about it."

"She was once confident that the wino across the street was Hitler," I informed Bella. "I wasn't about to take her word for that, either, though the dude did have one of those fucked up mustaches."

Bella giggled, and the nurse printed off a few pictures of the baby.

"What are we going to name her?" Bella asked as we climbed into the back of the Rolls. She hadn't stopped staring at the picture, and I had to hold her hand so she wouldn't trip over anything.

"I have no fucking idea," I said.

"Me either."

"Something will come to us," I assured her.

Bella realized where we were and quickly shifted towards the driver's seat to show Marcus the pictures.

"It's amazing what they can do these days," he said.

"Do you have children?" Bella asked.

"I have a grown daughter," he told her. "She used to babysit Edward when he was young. She has two children of her own now. I remember when she came home with similar pictures."

"I think she looks like you," Bella said as she held the image up to the window.

"You are so full of shit," I said.

"I mean it," Bella insisted. "She has your bone structure."

I rolled my eyes, smiled, and pulled my wife close to me as Marcus drove away.

Though I couldn't really tell what I was looking at in the grainy black and white images, I couldn't help but glance at them over and over again as we drove across the city. At one point, I reached over and wiped a tear from the corner of Bella's eye.

"She's going to be beautiful," Bella whispered.

I couldn't argue.

…

"There are two bedrooms, a bathroom with a tub and shower, and an eat-in kitchen."

The landlord of the small rental house just five blocks from campus was thrilled to death a family was looking to move in instead of a group of students, who were a lot more likely to trash the place. It was just a small house in a row of other small houses, painted light yellow with brown shutters. There was a nice sized porch with a swing, which Bella beamed at before we even walked inside.

"The second bedroom is right next to the master bedroom, so it will be perfect for your impending arrival." She turned and smiled broadly at Bella, who instinctively covered her protruding stomach.

It wasn't huge yet, but as little as Bella was, five months pregnant made it quite obvious that Bella was having a baby. I tried to hide the fact that I was counting the days before she was farther along than Angela had been when she lost Matthew.

It was strange how knowing his name – even if it was the name Angela's mother had graced him with – made thinking about it a lot easier. Irina said it was because I had a name for the mourning, but I thought it was more about separating him from the baby Bella was having.

A girl.

That helped, too.

The place was perfect, I had to agree. For me, there were two major perfection points – it was big enough and fit the budget. Bella liked that there was a tiny, fenced in back yard where she could take the baby outside to play.

We moved in four days later.

"I think I was getting used to having a car when we needed it," Bella said as we lugged groceries up the steps of the porch. She carried the light, but bulky stuff – the bread and toilet paper. I wouldn't let her carry any of the heavy stuff, and she refused to let me do it all.

"I'm sure Marcus will come drive you around whenever you want," I reminded her.

"I think Aro might actually enjoy having his driver back," Bella said.

"He and Chelsea both really liked having you in the house," I said. "Driver be damned."

"What would you think about having them over for dinner?" Bella asked. "It would be a good start to the hundreds of years of repayment I owe them both."

"Sounds like a plan." I shoved canned food into one of the cabinets. I put all our stuff away as Bella pulled out a couple bags for Crazy Alice. "Did you want to go over and see her this afternoon?"

"Probably," Bella said. "We haven't been there in two weeks."

"We left her a month's worth of stuff last time," I said.

"True," Bella agreed, "but I feel bad about not seeing her. She has to be lonely without her smoking buddy on the fire escape."

We hauled two bags of supplies back outside and to the bus stop. It took a little over an hour, but we eventually made it to our old apartment building in the shit part of town.

Maybe it was just because I hadn't been there for a while, but the place looked even worse than I remembered. There was trash fucking everywhere and three hookers hanging out a block away in broad daylight. I glanced up to the fire escape, but Crazy Alice wasn't outside.

I wrapped a protective arm around Bella as we walked into the building and up the stairs. The place smelled funky, which was another thing I didn't really remember. We walked down the hallway, glanced in tandem at the door of the apartment where we used to live, and then bypassed it for the next one. I banged on the door.

"Open up, you crazy bitch!"

"Edward! Stop that!"

"It's a term of endearment," I told her.

"Oh it is not!" she snapped back. She reached up and knocked again.

"Alice! Alice, we have some things for you!"

No answer.

"I don't think she's here," I said. "If she was, she'd open the door – she always does. She wasn't out on the balcony, so she must have gone somewhere."

"Where?" Bella asked as she turned on me and put her hands on her hips. Her expression was tense and worried. "Where does she ever go, huh?"

"She's supposed to meet with her social worker every week," I reminded her.

"And what day is that?"

I huffed a breath through my nose.

"Tuesdays," I said. "Today's Monday. I'll go through the window."

Leaving Bella at the door with the groceries, I hauled myself up the fire escape ladder and lifted my leg over the railing. There was a line of about fifty cigarette butts neatly lined up against the grid at an angle so they stood on their ends. I shook my head a bit before yanking the window open and climbing inside.

The funky smell was more prevalent as soon as I got in. It was enough to make my nose sting a bit, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. It was a stale, old smell, and it got worse as I walked towards the front door.

"What is that smell?" Bella asked as soon as I opened the door.

"Not sure," I admitted. I tried not to show my concern, but I had a tight little knot forming in the pit of my stomach. I left the door open and went straight for the bedroom while Bella carried the bags to the kitchen.

It was dark, but that wasn't what set me on edge. The smell was stronger and familiar in a way I didn't like at all. It reminded me of when my grandmother was in hospice care right before she died and Dad had taken me to visit. It was pungent and reeked of endings.

My eyes moved over the filthy floor and came to rest on the only piece of actual furniture in the room – the large double bed. The blankets and sheets were crumpled at the bottom, and the mattress lay exposed. A tiny, crumpled heap lay in the center of the mattress. Her dark eyes stared blankly towards the closet.

"Fuck," I mumbled.

It took three steps to get to the side of the bed. Once I was there, I didn't know what to do. I reached out tentatively to touch her shoulder, not knowing what the fuck was going to happen. Just as I met with her cool skin, her eyes blinked twice.

"Holy shit," I breathed. "I thought you were dead."

"Edward?"

"She's in here," I said. I looked back to the lump on the bed. "You scared the fuck out of me, you crazy bit-"

My words halted as her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to convulse.

"Bella! Call 911!" I screamed towards the other room. "Get an ambulance here!"

My heart began to race as I tried to hold her enough to keep her from flying off the bed and hurting herself, but also not too tight. I didn't know jack shit about seizures but figured that was a good thing to do. It didn't last long, but once it was done she didn't open her eyes again, and the distinct smell of urine stung my nose.

This wasn't good – not good at all.

"Crazy Alice?"

No answer.

I shook her just a little and stopped almost immediately. She had just been shaking violently, and that didn't make her answer me. I tried grasping her fingers,

"Edward, what's happening?"

"Did you call?"

"I did – they're coming."

"Something's wrong with her," I said. I looked up, desperate to have her give me some sign that she knew right what to do, but Bella just stared with wide eyes and an open mouth. "I mean really wrong. Fuck, Bella, what do I do?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

I didn't know if it took forever for someone to get there – even EMTs didn't like coming to this neighborhood – or if it was just my perception. By the time they did, she had started to cough up blood, and though her eyes opened as they lifted her up onto the gurney, she never said a word.

Bella called Marcus, and he drove us to the hospital. We watched various patients come in and out of the ER with bloody gashes, nasty head bumps, and one obviously broken arm. Things picked up and slowed down in regular intervals until we hit about two in the morning, when a bunch of drunken idiots with busted lips and knuckles were brought in by the police, and a doctor finally came out to give us an update on Crazy Alice.

I stopped breathing and could only barely feel Bella's hand as she gripped my fingers. She used the other hand to cover up her mouth as the doctor spoke. Tears immediately began to pour from her eyes.

Lung cancer.

Advanced.

Resting now.

Nothing more we can do.

A few days.

Maybe a week.

My body numbed as the doctor spoke. Bella had to shake my arm before I even realized he had left, and a nurse was trying to dig information out of me.

"Are you the next of kin?"

"No," I managed to say. "I don't think she has any. I mean, I don't know of any. No one ever came to visit her."

"We lived next door to her," Bella clarified, "but we moved out a few weeks ago. She has a social worker who might know more. Edward? Do you have the worker's number?"

I fumbled around for my wallet, dug out a little card, and handed it over.

"We'll contact the social worker," the nurse said as she walked out of the room.

I'd heard that phrase about the weight of the world on your shoulders, but this felt more like a body-sized vice was wrapped around me and squeezing me to the point that my insides were going to just pop right out the top. I dropped down on one of the nasty plastic benches because it happened to be where my ass landed. It could have just as easily been the floor.

I was never one to cry at bad news, but as soon as I dropped to bench, the tears just came out.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

I shall be hiding out somewhere warm until next week...

Have a great weekend!

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, Otherwise Alone, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	30. Make the Choice

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Thank you all very much for your patience in waiting for this chapter, and for all the well-wishes, thoughts and prayers. My mother in law is still in the hospital, and her condition hasn't changed. She may get over the pneumonia and come back home and she may not. We'll just have to wait and see. I do think it's a bit of a miracle that she lasted through Friday night.

OK – enough of the downers…Thanks to DK and Deeper Water for everything you do! This one starts a little rough, so hang on to your hats for a bit here!

**Tradition.**

* * *

**Chapter 30 – Make the Choice**

Tiny.

That was the word that kept coming into my head as I looked down at the miniscule figure lying motionless in the middle of an oak box that was way too big for her. Cream colored satin-like material surrounded her withered body.

The little funeral home next to the small, Catholic cemetery was nearly empty.

Bella and I sat in the second row, and Crazy Alice's social worker sat behind us. Across from the social worker sat Irina, who refused to listen to me about not showing up. Marcus was hanging around in the back row, like chauffeurs usually seemed to be – always in the shadows. In the front near the casket was a priest standing up and talking about how Crazy Alice was in a better place.

He didn't actually say Crazy Alice – a mended it in my head. As far as better places went, well, I couldn't really argue with that. Where she had been sucked balls.

I hadn't been able to refuse when Aro said he was paying for a proper funeral for the woman who had been my friend – if that's what she had been. I wasn't really sure how to think of it, or her. I felt like I was in kind of a fog of disbelief for the past four days.

That's how long she lasted.

The doctor said she had to have been in rough shape and a lot of pain for a long time, which made me feel fucking great. How could I have missed that? How could anyone miss that?

But we did – we all did. I missed it, Bella missed it, her social worker – everyone. By the time I started wrapping my head around what was happening, she was gone and I was borrowing a suit from Emmett for the services.

I told my family to stay away – they didn't know her. There was no point in coming. Aro agreed, but only if Marcus drove us so we didn't have to take the bus or whatever. I agreed so he would get off my back.

Bella's fingers gripped and released my hand as she used the tissue in her other hand to wipe her nose. I tried not to focus on the stress she was under and how it might impact the baby. Irina assured me it would be better to let Bella get her emotions out at the funeral than to try to keep her calm, so that's what I did.

Honestly, I was having too hard of a time keeping myself together to worry overly much about Bella and the baby. Maybe the change of pace was good for me. I cried in the hospital when they first told me, but I hadn't since then. Not even when Bella came running out of the hospice room to tell me it was over.

Crazy Alice had been suffering, and watching her like that sucked. She couldn't breathe right, and every time she tried she would cringe like it hurt. It was too stressful on Bella, and way too much for me to take at all when I couldn't even handle my own shit. I leaned on Aro and Chelsea a lot, and I even had two more sessions with my mom.

They went about as well as the first one.

To top it all off, I felt like shit when Crazy Alice was gone. If it had been for the normal reasons, I probably would have been okay with feeling like shit, but I didn't. I felt like shit because part of me was glad it was over.

A _big_ part of me.

I stared at Bella's fingers all wound around mine. Her hands were soft and warm, and when I ran my finger over the edge of hers it made me a little horny, which was so fucking wrong given the circumstances that I didn't know how to cope with _that_, either.

Honestly, the more time I spent in therapy the more fucked up I felt.

The priest finished droning on about faith and heaven and whatever , we all stood up, mumbled a hymn at each other without any music to go with it aside from the priest's falsetto, and then sat back down. A minute later, we stood again, then kneeled, then sat, and then finally stood up. When I was just about to lose my mind, he finally told us to come on up and get a last look.

Well, that wasn't quite what he said, but it was something like that.

Sort of.

The social worker crossed herself before walking away, and Bella walked up to stand before the open part of the casket. A silent tear fell down her cheek as she reached out and touched Crazy Alice's cheek. She sniffed a little and walked away, leaving me alone.

I took a handful of half-shuffled steps until I was in the spot right in front of her. I looked down at my feet and wondered if they had to replace the carpet in this spot more often than in other places. How many people had stood here like this, saying goodbye?

My eyes found her face, and my first reaction was that she just didn't look like herself at all. She had a bunch of makeup on, which she never wore, and someone had combed her hair down so it lay flat on her face. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Bella and the social worker talking to the priest. No one was watching me.

I reach in and tousled her hair all over her head so it looked right.

"That's better," I muttered, kind of feeling like an idiot. I looked around again quickly, but everyone was still engaged in whatever they were talking about, so I turned back to Crazy Alice's body.

My skin felt all cold and tingly as I stared down at her – unable to look away but hating the sight at the same time. It was just so…so _wrong_ looking. She wasn't supposed to just die like that. Crazy Alice was a constant. She was always there – always in the same place doing the same crazy, fucked-up shit. She belonged on that fire escape stacking cigarette butts and yelling asinine prophecies at people.

It's how the world was supposed to be.

"You crazy bitch," I whispered. "Why'd you go and do this?"

My voice cracked, and my throat clamped shut painfully. I had to make myself swallow just to breathe again.

Memories of freezing cold winter nights and blazing hot summer days sitting on the fire escape, smoking and watching her do all kinds of weird shit flooded my head. I couldn't help but smile at some of them; if nothing else, Crazy Alice had kept me entertained.

"I could have used some of your words of wisdom, you know," I told her. "I mean – when you were in the hospital. Bella…she was worried, and I didn't know if the baby…if she'd be okay. She always thought you said shit that was brilliant and insightful. I told her you were just a nut, but…well, she believed you. You were right about the baby, anyway."

Though she had been conscious in the hospital some of the time, she hadn't spoken a word. Even when I tried to talk to her about the shit she'd do on the fire escape, she would only look at me like she wasn't sure who I was, and then start coughing up blood.

She actually looked better now than she had the last few days in hospice.

"They said you were forty eight," I said. "I had no fucking idea how old you were."

I was about to turn twenty nine, and I realized by the time I was her age my daughter was going to be in college.

What if the same thing happened to me? I started smoking when I was seventeen, and had smokes pretty constantly for the past ten years. I never really gave much thought to what it might be doing to me. I'd never even tried to quit.

Thinking about it made me realize I could be on my way to the same fate. If I died at forty eight years old, I'd never see my daughter graduate from college…get married…have her own kids…I wouldn't even know my grandkids.

_Bella would have to do it all without me._

My fingers grazed over the pack of Marlboros in my pocket. I'd had three smokes between Aro's house and the church – forcing Marcus to pull over so I could have one and try to keep my shit together without stinking up the Rolls.

I glanced behind me again, but everyone was still occupied.

Slowly, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. Checking to see if anyone was watching first, I quickly slid both of them in the casket underneath her hand. Just knowing they were there actually made her look more like herself than she had a moment ago.

"I guess health doesn't really matter for you anymore," I whispered. "So you just enjoy those wherever you are, okay?"

"Edward?"

I jumped a little.

"Sorry," Bella whispered. "It's time to head to the cemetery."

"Yeah," I said. I cleared my throat a little. "Let's go."

I thought watching her go into the ground would have been the worst part, but once the casket was closed I felt like everything was already over, even if the priest was still talking. Bella cried, and I kept my arm around her and stared stoically at the ground. Irina came up and asked me if I was all right, hugged Bella, and then headed off.

Marcus opened the back door of the Rolls as we approached and informed us that he would be driving us to dinner.

"Dinner?" Bella looked at me, and I leaned back in the seat and sighed.

"My family believes that as soon as a funeral is over, everyone has to meet and have dinner together. It's like Cullen Family Law or something. Marcus, I don't think-"

"Mister Cullen," Marcus said in an uncharacteristically firm voice. "Ordinarily I would adhere to your wishes, but in matters of-"

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered with a wave of my hand. "I give up already."

"Very good, sir."

"Where are we going?" Bella asked softly.

"Tamara's," I said. "Northside's premier, hoity-toity restaurant. Right, Marcus?"

"Correct, sir."

"It's where my family tends to end up for any kind of…special occasion, I guess. They catered Emmett's wedding, too. Honestly, it's a steak and seafood place for the most part. There isn't going to be much on the menu for me."

"I didn't think about that," Bella said.

"It's okay," I said quickly. "I don't really have much of an appetite anyway."

Bella wrapped her arm around mine, and we took turns staring blankly out the window until we arrived at Tamara's. Marcus opened the door and ushered us both into the restaurant. My family was already there – Aro and Chelsea, Emmett and Rosalie, and of course – my parents.

Other than people who's paychecks were signed by Tamara herself, only those bearing the last name of Cullen seemed to be present in the entire place. It was a little early for lunch, but there should have been a few others around, which meant my father had cleared the whole place out.

There was already a bottle of thirty year old scotch on the table.

At eleven in the morning?

I shook my head slowly, and then turned towards Bella, holding her a little closer.

"I don't want to do this," mumbled between my teeth.

"We don't have to," Bella said.

"Yeah," I sighed, "we do. Cullen tradition, and you don't fuck with tradition."

Two seats had been saved for us sitting just to the right of my parents. Aro and Chelsea were across from them, and Emmett and Rosalie on the left side of my father, to the right of Aro and Chelsea.

Parent, spouse, child, spouse, etc.

Tradition.

I hadn't thought about any of it in years – not since the first Christmas I was away from my family and sober. I remembered sitting in my apartment and trying to find Rudolph on television, because you were supposed to watch that on Christmas eve. It wasn't on any of the cable channels, and I almost ended up having a relapse over it.

I sat down, and Dad poured me a glass of scotch without saying a word.

A server came around, took Bella's drink order, and placed little baskets of bread around for everyone. No one reached for any of it, though, and the little saucers of olive oil and balsamic vinegar remained untouched.

My fingers reached out and brushed against the edge of the glass. Despite how early in the day it was, a drink sounded pretty damn good.

"Edward," Carlisle said quietly. "You should say a toast."

More tradition.

It's amazing how much of it I had forgotten, yet it all came back so quickly.

I cleared my throat and listened to my brains try to come up with something clever. I had nothing, so I just said what I had been thinking anyway.

"You shouldn't take people for granted," I said softly. "I did…I have. I took Alice for granted. She was always there, and when I needed to just go say shit that I didn't really want to say to anyone else…well, she was always there to listen. I thought she always would be there."

I raised my glass up and towards the center of the table.

"I took her for granted," I said again, and my glass clinked with Aro's, Emmett's, and my father's. My mother's wine glass, Rosalie's mixed drink, and Bella's lemonade all joined the glasses of scotch.

The scotch burned my throat and warmed my chest. Bella's hand found mine under the table, and she squeezed it.

"I've taken people for granted," my father said with a nod. "People who worked for me, people who did things for me. Maybe it's human nature. I also took for granted one of the most important people in my life."

He didn't look at me, but just kept staring at the swirling amber liquid in his glass.

"I took him for granted, and now I've missed a third of his life. I can never get that back – not ever."

He held his glass out, and we all touched the edge of it.

"I've taken my son for granted," Mom said. She was never one for beating around the bush. "I took him for granted when he was younger, and I wish I hadn't. He was my life, and I threw it away on the sake of a principle I thought mattered. Now I know better."

The sound of glass touching glass followed.

"I've taken my family for granted," Aro said.

Chelsea went next, and then Emmet – the themes the same. Only Rosalie had anything different to say.

"I took my position for granted," Rosalie muttered. Her eyes darted towards Bella, but I didn't think Bella noticed. "I won't any longer."

Everyone looked at Bella, who shifted around in her seat.

"I've tried not to," she said softly. "I think there was a time when I took Edward for granted…"

She looked up and me and smiled slightly.

"I won't do that again, though."

Glasses clinked again, but I barely tasted the scotch. If it wasn't for the burn, I might not have even known what I was drinking.

There was little said afterwards about the funeral, death, or Crazy Alice. It wasn't like anyone but Bella and I could actually talk about her anyway. I did notice several looks between Rosalie and Bella, which made me wonder just what the heck was going on there. I had a bit of an idea – Bella had made it clear they knew each other from foster care, and that Rosalie had been pretty competitive even back then.

I also had a pretty good idea what Rosalie meant by _position_ as well. Bella carried the first born child of the first born child. The heir of the Cullen empire after me. As far as I knew, Rosalie and Emmett weren't planning any little ones just yet.

The chef prepared pasta and vegetables along with an assortment of fresh breads, and _crème brûlée _for dessert. I didn't even notice everyone ate vegetarian until Bella pointed it out later.

"We'll see you Sunday?" Aro said as he shook my father's hand.

"Of course," Carlisle responded.

"Edward?" Chelsea walked over and took one of my hands in both of hers. "Will you and Bella join us for Sunday dinner?"

Bella's fingers gripped mine, and I looked over to her eyes. I could see what was there – a plea to accept what was offered. She wanted to go. She wanted to see Chelsea and Aro, and she wanted all of us to try and make nice together.

I wasn't convinced it was going to work, nor that it would be worth the effort, but I nodded and accepted the invitation anyway. One thing I was sure of – for the moment at least – was that I didn't want to just assume. I didn't want to take anything for granted.

Crazy Alice was gone, but there were still plenty of other things and people I had neglected over time. I wasn't even sure where to start, but I definitely wasn't going to let the past get in the way of the future any more.

I had to think about Bella and what she needed.

When we finally left late in the afternoon, Bella just about had to carry me to the car. It was probably best that Marcus and Emmett were helping. They slid e into the back seat, and Bella wrapped the seat belt around my waist.

As I settled back against the seat, I felt heated tears creep from the corners of my eyes. I wasn't expecting them, and didn't know what I was supposed to do about them. Knowing Crazy Alice was no longer sitting on that fire escape gripped at my chest, but there was more to it than that, and I wasn't sure how to cope with the mix of feelings pouring over me.

Crazy Alice had a shit life – a life that was going nowhere. What else would the future have held for her? It's not like she was going to be the baby's godmother.

"When my grandfather died, I had my first glass of scotch," I slurred.

"Did you?" Bella responded with mirth in her voice. "How old were you then?"

"Ten," I said. "The scotch was three times as old as I was."

Bella laughed.

"I was only allowed one finger…" I held my index finger in the air, just in case Bella had forgotten what one looked like. "And when we got home, I couldn't get out of the car because my legs didn't work right."

My head fell to the side and landed happily on Bella's shoulder. It was pretty soft and warm, so I closed my eyes.

"Can we name the baby Alice?" I heard myself say.

Bella's hand crept into mine, and our fingers linked together. Marcus' eyes gleamed back at me from the rearview mirror.

"I was just thinking the same thing," Bella said.

She pulled my hand up to her lips and kissed my knuckles.

…

Life goes on, as they say.

It was amazing how much a steady routine made the time fly. I worked pretty much eight-to-five, came home to our little rental house, kissed my pregnant wife on the cheek, and then flopped down on the couch for twelve seconds before she started either giving me a list of things to do or began to play twenty questions.

I didn't really mind.

All I could really feel on most days was relief. Ever since Bella's doctor said the baby was far enough along that she would have a really good chance of surviving if born, I had been a lot more relaxed. Irina had noticed as well, and had been pushing me harder lately.

She wanted another session with my mom, which I hadn't had since Crazy Alice's funeral. Though in a scotch-impacted state I had agreed to Sunday dinner, I had managed to find an excuse every weekend. Not that it was all an excuse - weekends actually seemed busier than the weekdays, probably because Bella had become a baby prepping maniac.

"Do you think the crib will be better on that wall?" Bella asked as I stepped out of the shower rubbing a towel over my head. "It's farther from the door, but it's adjacent to our room, and we should be able to hear her better."

"We'll have a monitor," I reminded her. "Chelsea already bought it, and it looks like one of those things you could use to monitor the space station. We'll be able to hear her either way."

With Bella just about ready to start up the fall semester again, she was starting to drive me crazy with the nesting preparations. Chelsea wasn't any help, either – she kept feeding Bella will all kinds of things she was going to need when the baby comes.

I mean seriously? Once I had mostly gotten over the panic of Bella being pregnant – something that happened almost magically the day she went past six months – the reality of all of it hit me.

We were having a baby.

We were going to be parents.

What the fuck did that really mean?

For Bella, it meant everything being in the exact right place before the baby was born, and the rearrangement of the little tiny socks in the little tiny dresser drawers was of the utmost importance. I thought the whole prep thing was ridiculous. She was going to eat, sleep and shit. What did you need besides a diaper, a crib, and Bella's boobs?

Bella's boobs…it was going to be damn hard to share them. They had become nicely plump lately, though I had to be really careful when I touched them or I'd get smacked. But they were so soft…and big…and round…

"But she'll be _closer if _she's over_ there!_" Bella's voice went markedly louder as she stabbed at the air with her finger. "If we have to get up in the middle of the night – and you _know_ we will. At least, _I_ will. I suppose _you_ can just lie there!"

The look coming out of her eyes was nothing more than pure evil. I was actually considering hiding in Frankenstein's Fanny-pack.

"What the fuck did I do?" I asked, like a total moron.

"You aren't helping at all!" Bella cried as she ran out of the room.

Jesus H. Christ in a hockey rink riding a Zamboni.

I followed her, tip-toeing into the living room and wondering if I was entering the lion's den. Bella was on the couch with her head in her hands, sobbing loudly. As soon as I sat down beside her, she flung herself into my arms.

"You think I'm ugly!" she wailed.

"Bella! For fuck's sakes, why would you say that?"

"You don't want to have sex with me because I'm a giant fucking balloon with two more balloons sitting on top of the first, bigger balloon, and a pair of big-ASS balloons around the back!"

For the sake of saving my own life, I bit down on my tongue hard enough for the shooting pain to keep me from laughing out loud.

"Bella…baby, you know that's not…" I halted as the daggers of pending motherhood stabbed into my heart from her eyes. "I mean…shit, Bella! I want to fuck you all the time!"

"You haven't today! You didn't even get the stuff at the store I wrote on that list this morning!"

I had no fucking idea what the grocery list had to do with anything, but I wasn't about to ask.

"It's ten-o-clock! I've been up for an hour, and you were already rearranging furniture!"

"We didn't have sex yesterday."

"I didn't even see you yesterday! You went shopping with Chelsea early, and I got home from work late. You were already asleep."

"You used to wake me up for sex."

I sighed. I knew I wasn't going to win this with words alone – anything and everything I said was whirled around in a hormonal blender with the lid off, and I ended up splattered on the walls. I could tell her about how she just about castrated me the last time I woke her up for a little noogie, and I could tell her about how she needed to get as much sleep as she could now, because once the baby was her we were likely to be sleepless.

But there was no point.

I could only win with action, so I gently gripped her arms and held her in front of me. I examined her beautiful face, wiped tears away from both cheeks, and looked into her eyes.

"I'm ugly," she whispered. "I'm fat and ugly."

"Hush." With my hand against the side of her face, I ran my thumb over her mouth. "You are incredibly beautiful."

She tried to turn her head away, but I wouldn't let her.

"Every time I look at you," I said, "I see not just the beautiful woman who showed up in my life and gave me a reason to live it, but the manifestation of everything we are together."

My hand moved slowly over her abdomen.

"Every time I see you, I love you more. Every time I touch you, you become more important to me. There is nothing in this world that could make me feel any different, so don't you tell me what I like and don't like. I like you exactly how you are right now. You're beautiful, and sexy, and you're mine."

Without giving her a chance to respond, I crushed my lips to hers. My hands roamed over her hips, her stomach, up her side to one, bountiful breast. I touched it lightly on the side with the back of my fingertips. My mouth found the edge of her neck, and I slowly kissed up the side to her ear.

"Do you know what goes on in my head when we go out?" I asked her. My voice was soft and deep, almost growling. I kept going before she could respond. "When we would go places, it used to be that I would see other guys look at you…"

A little snarl escaped from my throat.

"They would look at you, and then I'd see them size me up – looking to see if they could take me out – make you theirs."

I shook my head slowly, my lips never leaving the skin just below her ear.

"But now…now when they look at you…"

I emitted another soft growl.

"Now when they look, and they see…they don't just wonder, they _know_. They _know_ you're mine. And I love looking at them and having them know you're carrying my child. They know you're mine – both of you. I love that they know exactly what I've done to you to put that child in there – I love that there is no doubt – no doubt at all. They know they don't have a chance."

My hands gripped her and held her closer to me.

"You're mine," I growled low. "They way you look now – that just proves it. I've never seen you more beautiful than the way you are, and every guy who looks at you knows where I've been."

Bella was silent for a moment, breathing a little more heavily and holding herself perfectly still until she finally spoke.

"You…um…I think you might have gotten an extra dose of testosterone when God was handing that shit out," she said, and then giggled slightly.

"You may be right," I admitted. I sat back against the couch cushions. "I can't help it. I love it that other guys know I've fucked you – that I did this to you."

I ran both hands over her stomach.

"You aren't right in the head," she informed me. "You are very sweet, though. In your own way."

I gave her a crooked smile, and then remembered that I really wasn't all that sweet. In fact, I had been a total fail at least once.

Well, all right – more than once – but once where I was ready to make up for it.

"I have something for you," I announced.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It's not much," I replied as I stood up and went over to my jacket. I pulled a little cloth baggie out of the pocket and walked back over to sit on the couch. "You know I suck at this shit, so I'm just going to give it to you, since I never gave you one before."

I opened the pouch and shook out a small ring of white gold into Bella's hand. There was a round center filled with diamond and sapphire chips in a random, squiggly pattern in a white gold lattice.

"It should fit," I said with a shrug.

Bella's eyes darted from the ring to my face and back again.

"Did…did…did you…?" she stammered.

"I made it," I confirmed. "I paid for the stones I broke my first couple of weeks there until I had enough for the setting. I've been working on it when you were doing school stuff in the evening – working on your schedule and shit."

She slipped it over her finger and then twisted her wrist back and forth to make the chipped stones catch the light. My heart started to beat faster, and I realized that this was just the sort of thing to tell everyone she was mine even after the baby was born.

"Is this a…a…a wedding ring?"

"Um…yeah, actually." I chuckled. "Will you marry me?"

Bella stared at her hand with her mouth open, but no sound coming out of it.

"It's not much," I said. "I mean, the stones really weren't worth much before I broke-"

He mouth covered mine, and for a moment I couldn't hardly breathe as she climbed over top of me and pinned me to the arm of the couch. I held her by her widening hips – God, I loved how they looked now – and kept her from crushing the rounded bundle between us.

"It's beautiful!" she cried out as she wrapped her arms around my neck and nearly cut off the circulation to my head. "It's the most beautiful ring in the whole world, I swear!"

I had to laugh.

"I kind of doubt that," I said. I managed to get her to sit back down beside me, and then wrapped an arm across her shoulders and watched her watch the ring sparkle until tears formed in her eyes again.

"I'm sorry," Bella said quietly.

"What for?"

"I've been a bitch all morning."

"You don't have to be sorry for that," I told her. "I understand."

"I'm being crazy," she whispered.

"A little." I smiled as she sighed and leaned against me. My hand slipped under her shirt and ran over her bare stomach. A little knee or elbow poked out at me. I rubbed the spot, and Bella relaxed further into me.

"I love you," I reminded her. "Even with all the hormones. It's temporary, and after the baby is born you'll feel better."

"After the baby is born there will be night feedings and diapers and all that other shit," Bella said. "What if it gets worse, not better?"

"It will be…different," I said. "It might not be better or worse, and it's not like it's bad now."

"That's because you aren't carrying this thing around all the time!" Bella said. Her voice was getting louder again.

"I promise to carry her after she comes out, okay?"

"You have to carry her for the first nine months after she's born!" Bella sniffed. "It's only fair!"

I leaned over and kissed her on the nose.

"If you want, I can just carry both of you right now."

I slipped my arms underneath her legs and behind her back, hoisted her up, and dragged her off to the bedroom. I lay her down on her side of the bed, leaned over and kissed her again.

"Rest," I said. "Just think about what you want to do in the baby's room while you nap, and when I get back I'll rearrange it however you want, and as many times as you want. You can also blame me for anything that doesn't look right. In the meantime, I'll get that shopping list and head to the store."

Bella smiled as her hand reached up and caressed the side of my face.

"Love you," she said softly.

"Love you, too."

She was half asleep before I even got out of the room. I found the list on the counter in the kitchen and shoved it into my gym back before I headed out the door. I managed to get to the bus stop at just the right time, found a checkout lane with no line at all, and had the shopping done in record time.

After all that, I needed to throw some punches. Though my new trainer at the gym wasn't really much of a challenge, he'd been pretty good about keeping up with me. He was fast, and did a lot more dodging blows than actually hitting me, but it was okay.

"Hey, Al!" I called to him as I walked across the mat towards the ring. "You ready to go?"

"Edward!" Al called back. "Perfect timing! I want you to meet someone!"

I circled the ring to find a guy sitting in one of the referee's chairs on the far side.

"Edward, this is Garrett," Al said. The dude stood up and shook my hand. "Garrett does a lot of MMA stuff. I thought the two of you would get along well, and maybe I wouldn't go home with so many bruises."

He gave me a wry smile, and I shrugged an apology.

"Hey, Edward," Garrett said. He was a decent size guy – right around two hundred pounds and maybe an inch or two shorted than me, so he looked a bit stockier. Dark, cropped hair and bright eyes gave him that rugged look you find in a lot of sportsman's magazines. "What's your preference?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Girls," I said, and Garrett laughed.

"I told you he was an asshole," Al said as he walked away.

"How about a fighting preference?"

"No gloves is what I'm used to," I said. "I do a mix of Muay Thai and Aikido, mostly."

"Awesome! Let's shake it up!"

Al helped me get my hands taped, and I climbed through the ropes to meet Garrett in the middle of the ring. I bounced up and down on my toes and squeezed my hands into fists a few times to get the feel back. It had been a long time since I was like this – no gloves, unknown opponent.

We circled slowly, both of us watching the other intently and not feeling too rushed into the battle. I figured he was going to wait for me to make the first move anyway, so I went for him.

He was quick.

He dodged, grabbed both my shoulders, and kneed me in the side.

With a grunt, I turned back, got my balanced, and punched out twice. He backed up, his eyes widening in surprise. Bare-handed fighters rarely punched outright – you were as likely to hurt your hands as someone else's face, but I was used to it. I'd cracked my fingers so much it was a wonder they didn't just fall right off my hands.

I followed after him with a jump, and came down with my knee to his chest. He grabbed my leg, flipped me over, and we both went down on the mat. I could hear people yelling – we must have gathered a little bit of a crowd – but I didn't pay much attention to it.

I was focused.

My vision sharp.

In my element.

Spinning around, I let my elbow meet with his chin, which slammed the back of his head into the floor. He rolled enough to get away, and kicked out with both feet as I came at him again. I felt the ropes dig into my back as I flew backwards, bounced off of them, and then went back to my opponent.

Back and forth.

He'd kick, I'd punch.

Hitting him with a quick succession of jabbing my foot into his stomach, I finally got the upper hand when his diaphragm had a spasm, and he couldn't catch his breath. A moment later I was behind him with my arm around his throat, pressing against the side of his neck.

His hand slammed the mat three times, and I released him.

"Holy shit," he muttered. "You have a hell of a hit."

Al laughed from the side of the ring as he tossed us both bottles of water. I popped the lid off one of them before helping Garrett back up on his feet.

"All good?" I asked.

"Very," he replied. "I'm gonna be sore tomorrow, though!"

Laughing, I climbed through the ropes and dropped to the floor, and Garrett followed.

"You really are good," he said. "I'm impressed."

"Thanks," I said. "It's been a while – I think I'm a little out of shape."

Garrett turned back to Al and the two started talking as I gathered up my stuff.

"Good to see you haven't lost your touch."

The voice startled me, not because I didn't realize there was someone behind me – I had heard the footsteps as I was talking to Garrett – but because of whom it belonged to.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snapped.

"Checking up on you," Tanya replied.

"Bullshit," I growled back. "You're done with me, remember? Besides, my parents aren't paying you anymore."

Tanya took a half step back. She actually had the decently to look embarrassed, but it didn't really matter.

"That wasn't…" She paused, took a long breath, and then looked me in the eye. "That wasn't the reason, you know."

"Oh really?" I replied with a full head of sarcasm. "I don't know – you took a cut of my pay, and you were getting paid off to keep tabs on me. What exactly was the reason then?"

Tanya walked over to the bench and dropped down heavily. She rested her forehead in her hands as she bent over her knees.

"I did," she admitted. "But it's not like it was the reason I took you in. You were already living with me when your father came up and…offered the money to me."

My instinctive reaction was to tell her to fuck off and walk away. I wanted to more than just about anything, but a lot of shit Irina said about me not listening to people making my life a lot harder than it should be kept floating around in my head. So, instead of calling bullshit again, I folded my arms across my chest and just watched and waited.

Tanya watched me warily for a moment, and then went on.

"Everything he was asking me to do – watch out for you, keep you off the drugs, give you a reason to be sober – I was going to do it all anyway."

"Why?"

"Because…because…fuck, what does it matter?"

"It probably doesn't," I shrugged. "But if you want to tell me, this might be the only time I'm willing to hear it."

She leaned back against the concrete wall and looked up to the ceiling as she let out a long breath through pursed lips. Her eyes closed for a moment, and her throat bobbed before she began to speak again.

"My brother…my little brother…" She paused again. "He was a wrestler in high school, just like you were. He was good, too – better than you. He had all this potential to do whatever he wanted, but instead he met this girl."

My chest tightened a little, but I tried not to let it show.

"She was a hell-child, that one. Into all kinds of shit. He started with smoking pot, then tried a few other things – opium, LSD – I don't know what all else. I just know that at one point he decided to try blow. What none of us knew was that he had a heart condition – one that might never have caused him any problems at all, but one that ended up not mixing well with cocaine."

Her hands were shaking a little, but she gripped her thighs and went on.

"His heart started beating too fast from the coke – and it just gave out. He died the first time he tried it."

She looked back to me.

"You remind me of him," she said. "You always did. I felt like if I helped you, maybe it would make up a little for not being able to help him."

She sniffed, glanced at me, and then glanced away to wipe at her eye. There was something totally…_off_ about the gesture, and I remembered why.

_I had still been somewhat strung out – not actually high, but coming down after a relapse. She had been pissed – really, _really_ pissed at me. She'd cold-cocked me when I arrived at her door._

_I had been on the couch, just staring at the television and whatever commercial for whatever product was going to change the lives of housewives everywhere. Tanya was on the phone, and I only really paid attention because it wasn't _me_ she was yelling at._

"_Fuck you, Mother!" Tanya was yelling. "There is no way I'm helping you out again. You obviously should have had more than one child so you had someone else to call and bitch out. I'm just not interested anymore!"_

_The phone had slammed down with a bang loud enough to make me jump and fall off the couch._

"You are totally full of shit, aren't you?" I asked.

"What?" she responded, but she wasn't really startled. The little jump in her voice was way too late.

"You," I said distinctly. "You are _full of shit_."

"Edward, I only wanted-"

"Hey Tanya!" Al walked over and gave her a hug. "I haven't seen you in years! How are you?"

"I'm…I'm good, Al. How are you?"

"Can't complain," he said with a big smile. "Especially not with Cullen hanging out at the gym. If I did, he'd probably take me out!"

I smiled, but I didn't feel it.

"He's a good one," Tanya said.

"You two know each other?" Al asked.

We made quick eye contact before admitted that we did.

"Well, hell, Edward," Al said. "Tanya's one of the best trainers around. She's got her boys all over the city. I'm surprised she never introduced you to Garrett before."

"You know Garrett?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You've been talking to Garrett?" The surprise in Tanya's voice was evident. "You haven't accepted an offer have you?"

"Offer?" I repeated.

Tanya looked at Al expectantly.

"We hadn't gotten that far," Al said. "They just met tonight. Garrett wanted to see him in action, and I didn't want the shit kicked out of me again, so…"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I snapped at them both.

"I guess that cat's out of the bag," Garrett's hand clasped my shoulder as he walked by and kissed Tanya's cheek. "Good to see you, Tanya. I didn't realize you ever got this far north."

"Just came to see my boy here." Tanya's smile turned suddenly venomous as she stepped closer to me and tried to link her arm with mine. I stepped away, but she stayed close.

"_Your_ boy?" Garrett repeated with raised brows. "You have a contract with Edward?"

Garrett glanced at Al expectantly as Tanya and I answered simultaneously.

"Yes," Tanya said.

"No," I insisted, and then looked over at my former trainer. "What the fuck, Tanya?"

"Not now, Edward!" she hissed under her breath. "I'll explain later!"

"Fuck you," I growled at her before turning back to Garrett. "I don't have a contract with anyone."

Garrett looked over at Tanya again and crossed his arms.

"Damnit, Edward!" she suddenly yelled. "You never did know how to keep your fucking mouth shut!"

Before I could even think about taking a swing at her, she turned on her heel and marched right out of the gym. The glass doors didn't quite hit her on the backside on the way out, but I had the feeling I might have seen the last of her.

No regrets.

"What the hell was that?" Al asked.

"She never did like competition," Garrett laughed. "I take it you have worked with her in the past?"

"Yeah," I said. "I used to train with her – she'd set up my opponents for caged fights on the south side of town."

"Geez, seriously?" Al shook his head. "You're a lot better than that. Even if Garrett doesn't have anything for ya, I know some people who will set you up with traveling fights – there's a lot more money in those. It's all above-board, too, so you can train on the side, make enough hours to get benefits – the lot."

"I'm sorry," I said, "but I have no fucking idea what you guys are talking about."

"Come on and sit down," Garrett said.

We walked over to the far side of the ring and into a little office behind it. Al shut the door, and Garrett and I sat down in the rolling chairs inside.

"I'm with Ultimate Industries," Garrett said. "I find talent for UFC, and I'd like to talk to you about maybe lining up a fight or two. I think you've got a lot of potential here, if we can just rein back the cage fighter a bit."

"Ultimate…what?" I repeated. "UFC? You mean actual UFC – _the_ UFC? On TV and shit?"

Garrett laughed a long, hearty laugh.

"Actual Ultimate Fighting Championship, yes."

"Fuck me hard," I muttered. "If I had known that, I wouldn't have held back so much."

Another raised eyebrow from Garrett made me smile.

"You've got a lot of attitude," he said, "but I think we can make that work to our advantage. You're a damn good fighter, Edward, and you could be a great one. You've also got a great look, which is going to make the female fans go nuts."

Garrett continued on, but I could only barely hear him. The sentiment of the first part of the conversation was swirling around inside my head like a whirlpool. He was talking about fighting – real, professional God-damned fighting!

Part of me was about as excited as I had ever been, but as soon as my head started wrapping around the notion, it came crashing down.

"Bella," I whispered.

"I can get you a contract, Edward," Garrett was saying. "Three fights to start – one here, one in Chicago, and another in Cleveland. Depending on how you do, we can start looking into something more permanent."

"My…my wife," I said. "She's having a baby in just a couple of months. I…I have to think about it."

"I'm going to be in town until Friday," Garrett said. "The offer stands until then. You talk it over with your family and let me know what you decide to do."

"Okay." My voice didn't even sound like my own.

I walked slowly out of the gym with my bag thrown over my shoulder and my eyes on the ground. I walked right past the bus stop in favor of just hiking it back to the little rental house I shared with Bella. My head was in too much of a fog to sit still.

There was no doubt that Tanya had kept me where I was on purpose. Whether it was to get money from my parents or just to take a cut of my winnings, I didn't know. Furthermore, I no longer cared. She was out of my life, and I intended to keep it that way.

My life.

What exactly did that mean now?

What was I? A fighter? A ring maker?

Should I change my name from _Evil Eye_ to _Sauron_?

My hand went instinctively to my pocket, but it was empty.

Damn, I wanted a cigarette.

The fact was I didn't need to talk it over with Bella. I already knew what my answer was going to be. UFC was nothing short of a dream come true for any fighter, and if I had met Garrett a year ago I wouldn't have hesitated to take the offer.

But now things were very, very different.

I had a wife.

I had a baby coming.

I was making an okay living setting stones, but ultimately I was going to own a gigantic corporation whether I wanted it or not. Even if I turned around and gave the whole thing to my cousin, I was beginning to realize that Twilight Silver had always been my destiny.

And Bella would be at my side.

I was never one to take the selfless route, but there were more important things now.

* * *

******Chapter End Notes:**

Is Edward making the right choice? Any of you moms out there who acted like Bella while you were pregnant? I got my hand raised…

Thanks to LandOfRobsten958 for some of the fighting moves in this chapter. She sent them to me…oh…last July, I think. I finally had a chance to use them!

I'll just say it now – I have no idea if I'll post next week or not, but it's doubtful. I'm usually about half way done with a chapter by now, and I haven't even started chapter 31 yet. If things go downhill again, there won't be one. Watch my blog, twitter, or facebook – I'll keep everyone updated there. Thanks again for your understanding!

* * *

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, Otherwise Alone, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.

Is Edward making the right choice? Any of you moms out there who acted like Bella while you were pregnant? I got my hand raised…

Thanks to LandOfRobsten958 for some of the fighting moves in this chapter. She sent them to me…oh…last July, I think. I finally had a chance to use them!

I'll just say it now – I have no idea if I'll post next week or not, but it's doubtful. I'm usually about half way done with a chapter by now, and I haven't even started chapter 31 yet. If things go downhill again, there won't be one. Watch my blog, twitter, or facebook – I'll keep everyone updated there. Thanks again for your understanding!


	31. Face the Music

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday, and welcome back everyone! It has been a crazy couple of weeks, but I hope I am back on track now.

MIL is in a nursing home now, and continues to do a little bit better. Not sure if she'll be able to return home or not, but much better. Thank you all for your support! :)

Thanks to DK and Deeper Water for all their fantastic help!

**"Just tell me you want it, baby," I said, "and it's all yours."**

* * *

**Chapter 31 – Face the Music**

As soon as I picked up the phone, I regretted it. I suppose it ultimately turned out all right, but my initial reaction was one of those ambivalent, churning feelings in my stomach of dread and duty.

"I don't suppose you'd be able to give me a hand, would you?" Crazy Alice's social worker asked. "The landlord is quite unpleasant, and though Miss Brandon didn't have a lot, I really could use the help."

"Yeah, sure," I said with a sigh. It definitely wasn't something I was looking forward to doing, but I didn't have to work and Bella would be in class until late. Without any excuses, I dragged my ass out of the house.

I took a bus across town to the old neighborhood. Just seeing the building made me want a cigarette, and I knew I was going to end up finding cartons of them stashed away inside Crazy Alice's apartment. It was going to be hard to resist. I promised myself a trip to the gym when we were done, hoping that would at least appease some of the cravings.

In some ways, withdrawal from nicotine had been worse than heroin. It wasn't that the feelings were any worse – I didn't get as physically sick, but I was moodier than Bella and spent a lot of time just standing outside on the porch to keep myself from running out on her. I couldn't' stay inside, or I'd start screaming at her. If I started screaming, she started crying, and I felt like a total asshole.

I hadn't actually told her I quit. I wanted to make sure I really could do it first.

Walking up the stairs was equally eerie, both because of where I was going and the familiarity of heading towards the old apartment door and knowing I wouldn't be going inside. If I did, Bella wouldn't be there, feet tucked under her butt on the couch with her schoolwork all splayed out on the coffee table and smiling up at me.

Everything seemed so simple then.

Now there was an impending baby, and since Bella had passed the most dangerous stages of pregnancy as far as I could determine, I found myself mostly concerned with what the heck I was going to do with a kid. Irina told me to start making a list of things my parents did right so we could talk about how I could foster the same things with my own child.

I reached the top of the flight of stairs and stared at the hallway full of trash bags.

The social worker – Samantha – was already inside, filling a huge trashcan with papers and the empty cigarette packs from the walls.

"The landlord said all the furniture belonged here," Samantha said. "He wants everything else out, I guess. I didn't know if there was anything you wanted, but feel free. Whatever isn't trash is going to Goodwill."

I nodded and then made my way to the kitchen to start removing all the food that was left into boxes. We could take it to the free store down the street. There was another box for things that were worth donating – mostly clothing – but it was only about half full. Among the piles, I found two of my shirts, a belt I remembered owning, and my favorite boots.

I thought they were all gone.

Samantha was digging through some papers, and I looked over her shoulder a couple of times. I had hoped maybe I would find something that would tell me more about her – where she came from or how she ended up where she did, but there didn't seem to be anything. The only thing that even remotely connected her to another person at all was the little photo on a table next to her bed.

It was the one she had been holding on the fire escape – the picture of her mother. At least, I was pretty sure it was. I picked up the picture and asked Samantha what I should do with it.

"She didn't have any relatives," Samantha said. "It will probably just get thrown away."

"Fuck that," I muttered, and then looked back to her. "So I can keep it?"

"Sure," she shrugged.

I didn't know why it was important, or what I was going to do with it, but throwing away the one thing Crazy Alice seemed to care about other than the cigarettes didn't seem right at all. With the picture shoved into my back pocket, I went back into her bedroom to keep plugging away at all the crap in there.

Shaking my head at the mess, I dug back in the closet and into another pile of clothes. The dress Bella had worn to Emmett's wedding was there, too. So was one of her economics books and a pile of mechanical pencils I was pretty sure belonged to her.

In the back of Crazy Alice's closet was another big pile of clothes. I started hauling them all out by the armload – dropping shoes all over the place in the process. When I got to the bottom of the pile, something blue caught my eye.

_What the hell…?_

In the back of the closet, underneath the pile of clothes, was the little blue bookshelf I had made for Bella all those months ago. I shoved a couple of shoes off of it and then hauled it out into the middle of the bedroom. It was no doubt the one I had made, just a little more beat up than it was originally. There was a slight chunk out of the left corner and a few black lines down the back of it, which made me wonder if it had been thrown into the dumpster or something.

I tried to picture Crazy Alice climbing around in the trash to haul it out, and though I found the mental image comical, I also found it completely plausible.

Swallowing past a lump in my throat, I carried the little shelf out of the bedroom and put it by the door.

"No furniture," Samantha said.

"This one doesn't belong to the apartment owner," I told her. "I made it."

She gave me a strange look but didn't press the issue. I hauled the damn thing back to the house on the bus along with the other things that had belonged to either me or Bella. The act got me a lot of dirty looks, so I offered those dumb enough to do so a few choice words, which shut everyone else up as well.

Once I got it into the house, I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Our bedroom was full of furniture already, and the baby's room didn't make sense – she wasn't going to be reading for a while. The living room was small and there wasn't really a good place for it. I put it down next to the television, but it didn't really fit there.

By the time Bella got home, I had given up trying to find a place for it, and it was back next to the TV again. I had flopped down on the couch with a beer in my hand and my feet up on the coffee table.

Bella sighed as she came in, dropped her book bag near the door, and reached back behind her to rub at the small of her back.

"Come here," I said, and she walked over to stand in front of me while I massaged my thumbs up and down her lower spine.

"It's getting harder," she said quietly.

"That's how you got like this in the first place," I replied with a grin.

She smacked my shoulder playfully before dropping down beside me.

"I swear she's going to weigh ten pounds when she comes out."

I wrapped my arm around her, and Bella leaned against me with her head on my shoulder. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, but when they opened again, she went still.

"Where did you get that?" Bella gasped. "I…I thought it was gone."

"So did I," I replied as I followed her gaze to the bookshelf. "I thought all our shit was gone, but she had a bunch of it. My boots, too."

"I see that," Bella said. "And so does the coffee table."

She gave me a significant look until I put my feet back on the floor.

"I wasn't sure where it fit," I said as I nodded back towards the bookcase. "I mean, if you even want it. I guess the baby could use it for-"

"No!" Bella said definitively.

I glanced sideways at her.

"It's mine," she responded. Her voice was a little softer, but her lower lip was just slightly pouting.

Tilting my head, I turned to look her in the face before raising an eyebrow.

Bella shrugged.

"The baby gets everything," she said quietly. "The bookshelf is for my books. It's _mine_.

I tried not to laugh.

"Are you feeling jealous of the baby before she's even born?"

"No," Bella responded firmly, "but she doesn't get everything. I don't want to spoil her."

She crossed her arms, and her expression made her completely unbelievable. I managed to hold in the laughter for about four seconds, which earned me another playful smack on the shoulder. In turn, I tickled her sides, which made her scream almost instantly.

She had become more and more sensitive lately around her belly.

She tried to squirm away, but I picked her up and hauled her to the bedroom. It was getting a little more difficult to carry her – not because she was that much heavier – she had gained maybe thirty-five pounds, and I still could have bench-pressed her without a lot of effort – but her center of gravity was all different.

I wasn't about to tell her that. I wanted to keep my cock attached to my body.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked when she stopped struggling and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I'm going to fuck you," I informed her.

"Oh really? She said with a touch of mock indignity.

"Yep."

Inside the bedroom, I let her down gently before yanking my shirt over my head. Bella's eyes darkened as she watched me unbutton my jeans.

"You like a little show, don't cha?"

"Hmm…maybe," she replied with a noncommittal shrug.

I undid the last of the buttons, and then pushed my jeans down just a bit – not enough to show more than my hips, but to give her a little glimpse of what was down there. Then I leaned back against the wall next to the bed and ran my hand over my cock inside my jeans.

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Just tell me you want it, baby," I said, "and it's all yours."

"You dragged me in here."

"Dragged?" I repeated. "Well, if you don't want it, I guess I'll just take care of this myself."

I slid my hand deeper into the front of my jeans and shoved my boxers down enough to take out my cock. I stroked it while Bella pretended not to look. Her tongue darted out over her lips, which made me grin down at her.

"Say it," I whispered. "Out loud. You know you can't resist."

Bella sighed dramatically.

"I want your cock," she said, completely deadpan. Then she burst out laughing.

"Get your clothes off!" I yelled as I moved forward and grabbed at the edge of her shirt. She laughed, but didn't resist as I quickly stripped her of her clothes and climbed into bed beside her. My hands moved over her protruding belly for a moment before I leaned in and pressed my lips against the bulge.

"Beautiful," I said softly.

Bella rolled to her side, and I moved up behind her. Sex with me on top of her had become pretty much impossible, and she wasn't comfortable on her hands and knees lately, so we had recently moved to me fucking her from behind most all of the time.

Sex with pregnant Bella was…_different_.

Not bad at all, not in the least, but everything about it was different than it had been when I would pick her up and slam her into the wall a few times before tossing her over the edge of the couch and listening to her scream my name and scare the neighbors. It wasn't fast and furious, and it wasn't the least bit rough. Though neither of us said anything about it, we both naturally moved into a slower, softer approach.

I slipped into her, pushing gently with my hips as my hand slowly and softly cupped first one breast, and then the other. Her nipples were super-sensitive, and she sucked in air as soon as I came into contact with them. My hips continued forward until I was completely buried in her, then slowly slid back out, and then back in again.

Inside of her felt softer as well. What had once felt like being gripped by a silk glove now felt like a warm, deep pile of silk instead. It was like everything inside of her was getting ready to give our baby a more comfortable journey to the outside, which was exactly what was happening. Again, not better or worse, just not the same.

In fact, it felt fucking fantastic.

Emphasis on _fucking_.

Bella moved back against me as much as she could, but it was getting more difficult for her. The doctor told us we could have sex pretty much right up until it was time to give birth, and that it was actually a good idea. Good idea or not, I was just trying to get all caught up before the baby came so I could survive six weeks without being inside of my wife.

She felt so good.

My fingers reached around her stomach and found their way down to her clit. I circled slowly – matching the rhythm of my thrusts into her. Bella moaned and tried to hold her leg up and out of the way so I could reach better, but she wasn't having a lot of luck, so I reached under her thigh and brought her leg up for her.

"Touch yourself," I told her. "I want to feel you come all over me."

Bella moaned something incomprehensible back, but didn't move.

"Touch yourself!" I commanded a little louder. "You need to scream my name!"

Her hand moved down, and I leaned up a little so I could watch her fingers.

"So fucking hot," I mumbled. "I love watching that…seeing you do that to yourself with my cock inside of you…God you're hot. That's it – harder and faster. Let me feel you."

I matched the rhythm of my thrusts with her fingers until she began to squirm.

"That's it…more…rub that clit! Yeah, baby…"

She gasped and held still for a moment as she grunted out something that was more likely my name than anything else. She practically dropped into unconsciousness as I kept moving in her. I let her leg rest down around my thigh so my hands were free to explore her some more. I rubbed her hips, her stomach, gently cupped her breasts as I kissed at the back of her neck.

"So beautiful," I whispered.

Bella hummed with her eyes closed, and despite the smile on her face, I knew she was going to end up falling asleep on me before too long. I finished quickly with my face buried in her neck as the waves washed through my stomach and out the end of my cock.

"So good," I said again. "You wore yourself out, didn't you?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything. I let myself slip out of her and just held her against my chest as her breathing slowed into a steady rhythm.

"I love you," I whispered against her ear. My eyes traveled down to her bulging stomach. "Both of you."

…

Numb was probably the best word I could have used to describe myself as I stood in Irina's office, staring at the little plum tree with the rotting fruit stuck all over it. Mom had just left after I told her to fuck off, and Irina was looking at me with her _you really need to try harder_ face.

"Tell me what's going on in your head right now," Irina said.

"That at least I come about it honestly," I snarled. My fingers drummed on the window sill as I watched Marcus help Mom into the Rolls. They drove off slowly, and I wondered if he'd come back to pick me up or let me ride the fucking bus.

Whatever – I didn't give a shit.

"Come about what?"

"Making excuses. That's all she fucking does."

"What part was an excuse?"

"All that crap about thinking I was going to just come back after he threw me out."

"She said you walked out," Irina reminded me. "That your father just warned you that if you left, you might not be welcomed back."

"Same thing," I growled.

"Is it?" Irina pressed. "There are certain images that come to mind when you use the term _he threw me out_. Those images aren't completely accurate, are they?"

I shrugged, unwilling to answer. I knew what she was getting at. It was the same thing my mother had been trying to say, but I really just didn't want to hear it.

"You want me to say it was my own fault?" I snapped as I turned towards her. "You want me to say that if I hadn't been so pig-headed, maybe it all would have been all right?"

"No one knows exactly how things may or may not have been different based on the changing of past actions," Irina said. "Playing the _what if_ game never helps anyone. However, not taking responsibility for your actions in the past can hinder your movement forward now."

I continued to stare out the window and chew on the edge of my thumb. It wasn't near as good as a cigarette, though it seemed to be better than nothing.

"Would you sit back down, please?"

"No."

"Edward-"

"Fuck you," I interrupted.

I didn't want to know if Marcus was coming back for me or not, so I walked out of the office, ignoring Irina's calls the whole way, and took off down the street on foot. It was a good two miles to the gym this way, and I figured both the walk and the cooling air would be good for me.

What I really needed was at the gym.

As soon as I was in the door, I quickly changed into sweats and went to the closest thing I could punch. The heavy bag just outside the lockers wasn't in use, so I started pounding on it. I didn't even bother to tape up my hands first, and my knuckles became raw almost immediately.

One of the workers there came over and yelled at me, then helped me get taped up before I kept punching. Punching felt good. Really good. I wished there was someone to hit instead of the heavy bag, but this was a lot better than nothing.

"I heard you were a great fighter."

I didn't recognize the voice or the face of the kid who leaned against the wall nearby and watched me hit the bag. I didn't respond to him, either. Punching was far more important.

"They said you fought in a cage in a bar," the kid said with a bit of a laugh. "That didn't sound like real fighting to me. I've been training since I was seven, and I'll be getting a UFC contract as soon as I graduate from high school this year."

I looked him over, noticed the clear look of challenge on his face, but shook my head.

"You can't weight more than one-seventy," I said.

"One-seventy-four," he said. "I'm close enough. Or are you worried a kid is going to smack you down?"

I glared at him.

"You eighteen?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"How about we get in that ring and I kick your ass?"

He laughed.

"I was hoping you'd say that!"

He came at me quickly – almost before I was completely over the ropes. I dodged, ducked, and danced to the other side of the ring to watch him move. His foot work was good, and he shuffled elegantly around me – first a crossing step with his left foot and then dragging his right foot along behind it.

Rushing forward, he jabbed out at me with his foot, which I neatly batted aside. I could tell from the first sixty seconds that this was not a fight I was going to lose. The kid knew his moves, no doubt about it, but he obviously hadn't been in too many real fights. Sparring, sure. Training, definitely. Not fighting though. He was making too many mistakes. Like people who had learned to speak a foreign language at a university or from a text book – grammatically correct, but the linguistics of slang was completely lost on them. You could have a whole conversation and they wouldn't understand a word of it.

The next time he moved forward, I kidney punched him as I parried away. I wasn't gentle about it, either. I followed it with a blow to the back of his head, which left him stunned against the ropes.

"That's all you got?" I taunted. "My girl has a better chance up here, and she's eight months pregnant."

The kid growled and came at me again, with similar results.

"We're having a daughter," I said easily as he panted for breath a few feet from me. "Maybe in a few years you can challenge her."

With two long strides, I grabbed him by the arm, twisted it around, and then wrapped my arm around his neck. I could have compressed his carotid and made him pass out, but I slammed my other fist into his face a couple of times instead, and then let him go.

He staggered. There was a cut above his eye now, and the blood was getting in the way of his vision. He tried to keep up with his own footwork, but I was much too quick for him.

With a quick swing of my right leg, my foot slammed against the side of his head, and he dropped to the mat. A moment later, I was beside him. I tossed one leg across his neck and the other across his midsection as I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled it toward me. Twisting his wrist so his thumb pointed towards the ceiling, I lifted with my hips and pulled hard on his arm.

The kid screamed and started slamming his hand on the mat over and over again.

I released him and jumped back up. He rolled over to his side, grabbed his shoulder, and moaned.

"Maybe next time you'll think about weight class," I suggested. "It exists for a reason."

I swung a leg over the ropes and dropped down to the floor of the gym. I looked back to make sure he really was all right. He was sitting up, holding his shoulder, and calling for Al to get him some first aid. There wasn't enough blood for stitches, so I snickered and walked away.

"You feel better now?"

I turned around and saw Doctor Banner sitting on a bench near the ring. I hadn't seen the guy in months, and I wasn't sure what to think of his sudden appearance, except to be glad it wasn't Tanya showing up again.

"Yeah, I do."

"Does that kid remind you of anyone?" He stood and walked towards me.

"Only the other assholes who thought they were better than me," I replied.

I grabbed a towel and ran it over the back of my neck and chest before tossing it into the bin. Banner continued to eye me, and as much as I wanted to ignore him, the man had a way of getting under my skin.

"You have an interesting way of not seeing the obvious, Edward," Banner said. "What's that saying? Something about the only people who are truly blind are those who refuse to see?"

"I don't think that's the saying."

"It's still the same point."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, you've said that before when I was right," he replied. "You going to keep saying it? Do you say it to Bella? You going to say it to your baby when it's hungry at night and won't let you sleep?"

"Of course not," I snapped back.

"Then get your head out of your ass."

"What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?"

"Just checking up on you," he said. "Irina called, and I had a pretty good idea about where you might have gone. She was worried about you."

"Well, she can pretty much kiss my ass."

Okay, so the fight hadn't quite put me back on my game. I was annoyed again, and definitely in the mood to punch someone else.

"How about you get up there and go a few rounds with me?" I suggested with a sneer.

"Would that make you happy?"

"It might."

"Let's go then."

I laughed.

"Did you see the last one?" I asked. I pointed across the room at the bleeding kid. "You don't even have any training."

Banner shrugged.

"I did some wrestling in high school."

"When was that?" I asked. "In the Eighties?"

"Yep. So where do I get some tape or whatever for my hands?"

I laughed again, but then I realized he was completely serious.

"I'd kill you up there," I told him.

"Maybe," he agreed with a nod. "Not the point though. If that's what you need to get yourself over this and realize there are people out there that care about you and want you to get your shit together, I'm willing to take a few hits."

My eyes examined his face, and I couldn't see any bluff there. It might have been that he was just that good, but I didn't think so. I sighed and dropped down on the bench near the ring.

"Your life is about to change," Banner said as he placed one foot on the bench next to me and leaned over his knee. "Big time. More than you realize."

"I know," I replied quietly.

"No, you don't," Banner said. "You can't – not until you are there. But you can get prepared. You have to let go of all that anger, Edward. You gotta start mending the bridges in your family, or you're going to be constantly struggling to make it all work."

"I don't need them to make this work," I said. "I've gone this long without them."

"Okay, sure," Banner nodded. "You don't need them."

He leaned over and put his nose close enough to mine that I pushed my back against the wall behind me.

"But does Bella?"

…

Deep breaths.

Fists clenched.

I walked up and down the steps, looked up to the sky, danced around on my feet a bit, and then walked the length of the porch and back again. Stretching my arms up over my head, I tried to get my heartbeat a little more under control but failed.

I didn't know why I felt so nervous. I'd been on this porch literally thousands of times. I'd parked my bicycle here instead of putting it away in the garage. I got grounded here after Emmett and I were caught throwing dirt clods at the front door.

This place was familiar.

So why was it so hard?

I lifted my hand and pressed the button for the bell. I could hear the chimes echoing.

_Ringing the bell…had I ever rung the bell before?_

One of the maids opened the door. I could tell by her expression that she recognized me, but I had no idea what her name was. I just looked behind her, feeling weird about looking into the house where I grew up and knowing I wasn't really a part of it any more. Not wanted. Not welcome.

"Edward?" Mom stepped into my field of vision.

My throat bobbed as I swallowed, but I still couldn't get a word out. I just looked at her, and she looked at me. After a good hour and a half of that – or thirty seconds…whatever – Mom took a step forward, dismissed the maid, and opened the door wider.

"Will you…will you come in?"

Taking a slight step forward, I ended up part way in and part way out of the house, not sure what to do. Everything was cream and deep green, just like it had been when I was a kid. There was one of those sets of cubes that stacked up to look like stairs on the side of the foyer where Dad used to hide Easter eggs. I could smell garlic bread coming from the kitchen, and I was pretty sure I could hear the sound of Chopin coming from down the hall, which meant Mom had been sitting in the library reading.

I couldn't go any farther.

"I was a stupid kid, okay?" I said quickly before all nerve left me. "I was stupid, and that part of it wasn't your fault. Not Dad's, either. It was…it was me. I was stupid."

Her eyes blinked a few times as she stood still in what might have been shock.

"I don't know how I'm going to cope with that shit," I continued. "But Bella…Bella needs everyone here. She doesn't have a family, and she's going to need everyone's help, not just mine and not just Chelsea's."

My hands were shaking so bad I shoved them into my pockets.

"She needs…she needs you, too, okay? And the baby – she's going to need a grandmother."

I swallowed hard and looked away.

"I…I need you, too. I don't know how to be a parent."

I glanced back at her, and Mom just nodded rapidly, licked her lips, and seemed to be trying to speak, but failed. She nodded some more, and I nodded back.

She took a partial step forward – nervous and hesitant. I didn't move – not closer and not farther away. I was immobilized by what was happening – the house, the smells coming from it, and my mother coming closer to me. There were too many emotions inside of me fighting to claw their way to the surface, and I just couldn't move.

She stood right in front of me, and her hands moved up to my shoulders. Her palms rested on the side of my face for a second before she wrapped her arms around my neck and held me to her.

Some of the emotions inside wanted me to push her away – to make her pay for all the suffering of the past – but I couldn't. I'd spent so much time doing that, the reaction was as natural as breathing.

No, not as natural as breathing – as natural as punching. As natural as lashing out. As natural as taking all my frustrations out on another person's face.

All of a sudden, I knew.

It wasn't just her. Not just him.

Some of it was me, and I was going to have to take responsibility for it.

For me and my actions.

I had to do it.

It was the only way to bury the past and move forward with my life.

With Bella.

With our baby.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out as I encircled her with my arms. I held her so tightly I heard her gasp before I loosened my grip and tried to be more careful.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said. "I'm so sorry for all of it. I never meant…we never meant for any of this to happen…never wanted you hurt…"

"I didn't know, and I wasn't thinking…I was just stupid and I didn't know what to do…"

"I know, Edward…son…I know…I'm so sorry…"

"Mom…"

"My son…"

Time evaporated. We were there in the doorway right about an eon, and then on the little sitting bench in the foyer where I used to take off my snow boots. We moved to the couch in the living room at one point, still just holding on to each other, barely talking, and trying to remember who we once were.

Dad came home at six-o'clock, just like he always had when I was growing up. He must have already known I was there because he started looking around as soon as he walked in the door, and then tentatively approached us.

His eyes were wary as they watched me, and my own nervousness tried to take over.

"I need to go," I mumbled. "Bella will be wondering where I am."

"Marcus called her," Carlisle said, "right before he called me. He told her where you were."

"Well…um…" My tongue lost its ability to form syllables as my excuses evaporated. I looked back at Mom, who offered me a half smile.

"Would you stay for dinner?" she asked. "We could call Bella – have her picked up to join us."

"I…I don't know," I admitted. "This is…a little much."

Dad nodded, though Mom still looked disappointed.

"Will you join us at Aro's on Sunday?" Dad asked. "It would…well, it would really mean a lot to me…to all of us."

For a long moment, I just stared at him, not knowing how I should answer.

"Please?" Mom's soft voice echoed through my ears.

My eyes danced from one parent to the next, and my heart started beating faster. I had simply had enough and couldn't take anymore for one day. There was only one way to get myself out of here without further inquires, discussions, tears, and apologies.

Okay," I said quietly. "I'll be there."

...

"I don't have anything to wear," Bella announced.

"You have a ton of clothes," I told her.

"None of them fit!"

"They fit last week!"

"What are you saying?" she snapped back.

I mumbled something too low for anyone to hear or understand – myself included – and quickly hid in the bathroom.

Bella was less than a month away from her due date and just sick to death of being pregnant. I mentioned that there were only a few weeks left, thinking she would feel better, and I just about lost a limb. I won't even mention what happened when I suggested she be a pumpkin for Halloween. For the most part I was now afraid to say anything, but we were already late to Aro's Sunday dinner.

I peed, splashed cold water of my face, and tiptoed back towards the bedroom. Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed with a dress in her hand and tears running down her face.

My chest hurt just seeing her like that.

Walking over quietly, I knelt down in front of her and took her hands in mine. I rubbed the edged of her thumbs as she gripped the material of the dress.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"I hate this," she whispered. "I'm tired of feeling like this, and you've got to be sick to death of me."

She sniffed, and I reached up to wipe away tears.

"I'm not," I said. "You're pissy, and you have every reason to be. I did this to you, so of course you're going to take it out on me."

_Shit – shouldn't have said it like that._

Bella glanced at me but then looked down at our hands again. She twisted our fingers around each other and sighed heavily, so I must not have made too big of a verbal blunder. At least, it wasn't bad enough that she was going to smack me or anything.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't mean to…"

Her voice trailed off, and a fresh tear rolled down her face.

"Hey…" I reached up and took her face in my hands. I had to raise myself up on my knees to be able to reach around her stomach, but then I could almost look her in the eye. "I love you. Soon it will be over and we'll have a baby to complain about."

I smiled, but the smile I got back wasn't very convincing.

"Want me to cancel dinner?" I asked.

"No," she muttered. "It's the first time you've really been with everybody. I don't want to ruin that."

"You aren't ruining anything," I countered. "You know I've been having second, third, and fourth thoughts about this. An excuse would be great."

"Not going to get out of it that easy," Bella said. "Besides, I'm the one who can't eat any of that stuff their cook makes – it's all so heavy, and I end up with heartburn."

"How about we tell them we'll show up for dessert, and we can just make something here to eat? Maybe just a salad or soup? That way you don't have to get dressed up or anything."

With a promise that I would still go, see the family, and be civil to everyone, I convinced her to at least delay our arrival. I called Chelsea to let her know and then joined Bella in the kitchen to cook a simple lunch.

"Wow – these Braxton-Hicks are a lot stronger than they were last week."

Bella had been experiencing these fake labor pains for the past three days. The first day it happened, I freaked out and called Marcus to take us to the hospital, where the doctor smiled patronizingly at me and told us to go home. Bella still had four weeks before she was due, and what was happening was perfectly normal.

"Go sit down," I told her. I sliced through another onion, but when I looked again, she was still just standing there. Her eyes went wide for a moment, she glanced at me, and then down.

"Shit," Bella muttered, and she ran off to the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes. I swear the woman had to pee about every half hour. I supposed the whole thing was her body's way of getting her used to getting up ten times a night to feed the baby, but I was getting woken up every time she got up to go to the bathroom.

Not that I was complaining. Complaining would likely get me killed.

With the salad done, I flipped through the pages of the tattoo magazine I had grabbed from the gym. I was thinking about actually adding another one – Bella and the baby's names – but I wasn't sure where. I wanted them incorporated into the current design somehow, but I wasn't getting any decent ideas. Maybe I'd just have to go see Renata and ask for some mock ups or something. I flipped through a few pages, focused on my study.

As a switch turned on in my brain, my body went ice cold.

Bella hadn't returned.

I screamed her name as I threw the magazine across the room and ran to the hallway. I slammed the door open before I realized she was yelling back, telling me everything was fine.

"Please, get out," Bella moaned from the toilet. She was sitting there and trying to kind of bend over and kick her pants off her ankles. "I just…just…"

"Just what?" I demanded.

"It's embarrassing!" she cried out with a sob.

"What is?" I roared.

"I think I peed myself!"

I took a long breath and tried to calm myself.

"Want me to get you some clean clothes?" I offered.

"Yes," Bella sniffed.

In the bedroom, I yanked open her dresser drawers until I found some underwear and pants. I smiled a bit at the little blue lacy things. I had a feeling it was one from the set Rosalie had given her during an impromptu wedding-slash-baby shower Chelsea threw in lieu of an actual wedding reception.

I handed the clothing through the door, only to have Bella throw them back at me.

"Really, Edward? Do you really think I can wear that underwear?"

"Shit…um…sorry," I muttered back. I wasn't sure what I was thinking. She had given up the sexy panties a few months ago. I went back to the bedroom and picked out some others, but before I could even close the top drawer again, I heard my wife moaning.

"Bella?" I called, but she didn't answer. I pushed open the door and saw her sitting on the toilet all bent over. Her eyes moved up to my face, and my heart stopped in my chest.

"I don't think these are Braxton-Hicks," she said breathlessly. "And I don't think I had an accident – I think my water broke."

I wasn't one to jump to conclusions, but I was pretty sure we were about to have a baby.

* * *

******Chapter End Notes:**

Hold on to your cock, Edward! Despite what Bill Cosby says, it's not the bottom lip she's going to try to rip off!

As you may have already guessed, we are nearing the end of this tale. I know, it's always rough to come to the conclusion, but I hope you have enjoyed the ride. Next chapter will be the final full chapter, with an epilogue the week following.

New website launches next week! Watch for it!

**General Information:**

**There is a reading group for Caged! Check it out and go chat with others who are reading! Link is on my profile! I just updated it, so it may take a while to show up.**

FFN has made it all tricky to put links in end notes, so I give up. If you would like information about my other work, the blog, and artwork for Caged, please check my profile. There you can find various links to my blogs, Facebook group, Otherwise Alone, etc.

I'm also available (though slow to respond) through FFN PMs if you would like to harass me in general, but you'll catch me faster on Twitter or Facebook.

I do read every single review, but don't usually have time to respond to very many of them. If you ask a question in a review (one that doesn't give away plot or wasn't already answered if you go back and read carefully), I will usually answer.

Feel free to follow me on twitter (savage7289) but frankly, what you will hear there is a bunch of garbage about pineapple on pizza, soccer scores, Nutella, Dragon Con, and general idiocy.


	32. Be the Man

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Where to start? Sorry the timing is off AGAIN, but at this point I'm throwing the whole schedule thing out the window. :) This hasn't been beta'd, so forgive any typos.

I'll let you all get on with it - see you at the bottom for more of my babble!

**"We are never having sex again," Bella stated. "Never."**

* * *

**Chapter 32 – Be the Man**

"Don't panic, okay?" Bella pleaded.

"I'm okay," I said. I tried not to start doing Lamaze breathing. She was already pissed at me, and that just didn't seem like a good idea.

"Just…stay calm, all right?" She propped herself up on her elbows and tried to breathe the way the nurse-midwife told her to, which was nothing like I was telling her to do before.

"Okay." I put my hand on her back, which she immediately pushed away. "Sorry! Sorry!"

"It's all fine…there's no reason to panic," she said again.

I moved a little closer, then a little farther away. She wouldn't let me touch her, so I ended up just kind of wringing my hands likje some old lady listening to an inspiring church sermon. Bella flipped over, cringed, and glared at me.

"Stop it!" she snapped.

"I'm not panicking!" I yelled, not sure what else I could have done wrong by just standing there.

"How about we get some coffee or something?" Aro placed his hand on my arm, but I shook it off.

"I'm not going anywhere!"

"Edward, it's going to be hours." My father's voice was calm, and I wanted to punch him in the mouth.

"Fuck that," I spat. "She can't get away from it, so why should I?"

"Because you are driving me insane!" Bella suddenly screamed.

I stopped and stood still as I looked at Bella as she climbed off the bed with the help of Chelsea and the nurse. She made her way onto a big, red birthing ball with a little more help, and then bounced up and down as she shook her finger at me. Her eyes were blazing, beautiful, and bordering on deadly.

"Now get out for at least fifteen minutes or I'm going to tell them you can't stay for the birth!"

"Shit…um…"

"Come on, Edward." Aro and Carlisle each took an arm and hauled me out into the little waiting area just outside the maternity wing. There Aro stopped and let my father haul me the rest of the way down the hall to the vending machines as I continued to ask what I had done that was so terrible.

Time had completely stopped, so I wasn't sure if we had been there in the hospital for one hour or ten hours, I just knew I was going to lose my mind before this baby was ever born. Bella was in a ridiculous amount of pain. I mean, I knew it was supposed to hurt. I knew Bella would be in pain, and everything everyone ever said was that as soon as it was over, she'd forget all about that part.

Maybe, but I didn't see how. I didn't think I ever would.

It was too much…too much _agony_. There was no way it was right or normal.

"I can't do this," I muttered to myself. I glanced behind me to see Aro heading off down the hallway in the opposite direction, probably looking for food as Dad was trying to hand me a cup of coffee. I was pretty sure my shaking hands would just drop it all over the floor.

"You're fine, Edward," my father coaxed. "Just keep yourself together and it will all be fine."

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "It's not. That's can't be right…can't be normal."

"She'll be fine, too, Edward." Dad placed his hand on my shoulder, and I didn't shake it off. "They both will. But she needs you now – Chelsea and Esme can offer support, but she really needs you. She'll be fine if you're fine."

"I know." If he said the word _fine_ one more time, I was going to lose my mind. I tensed my fingers on my thighs as my chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.

They were all there – Chelsea and Aro, Carlisle and Esme, even Emmett and Rosalie had been here earlier, but had to leave to deal with business shit since the rest of the major company decision makers were all refusing to leave the hospital until there was another Cullen family heir in the world.

If I didn't get it together, Bella was going to end up having the baby without me in the room – either because I passed out before it was time, or because she'd thrown me out for being an ass.

"I have to get my shit together."

I sat down on one of the waiting room chairs. It was robin's-egg blue, plastic, and immediately stuck to my ass. I couldn't even remember why I was wearing shorts in October.

"Yeah, you do," Dad said. "Why don't you sit down, relax, drink this, and then we'll go back in?"

I nodded, because I figured I was the last person who needed to be making any decisions right now, and Dad was the only other person around to make them for me. Forcing my hands to be still, I took the cup between my palms and sipped the hot liquid.

"This coffee is shit," I remarked. One more sip was enough before I set it off on a side table.

"Did you expect something better form a hospital vending machine?"

"I guess not."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence while I pretended to calm myself and completely and totally failed. I wasn't sure what Dad was trying to accomplish. From the look on his face, he was either contemplating or constipated – it was anyone's guess.

We went back into the room, and I tried to keep my shit together – I really did. After a while, Aro and Carlisle were kicked out so Bella could drop most of her clothes and just kind of hang out. You would think she'd be embarrassed or something, but she didn't seem to give a shit anymore. Chelsea and Esme stayed at Bella's request, and I was glad to have them there. I had no fucking clue what I was doing, and mostly fought against any kind of Bill Cosby impersonation, which would definitely get me killed.

It was still very tempting.

For a while, I was fine, but when the contractions started coming closer and closer together, and Bella started _really_ screaming, I could barely keep myself from doing the same. Everywhere I touched her made it worse, but when I tried to get a little distance she got hysterical. Of course, if I didn't touch her or didn't say anything to her, she got mad, too, so I tried to speak and touch softly.

"You're doing great," I told her.

"Fuck you!" she spat back.

I cringed a little, rubbed her back, and hoped something I said or did was making some kind of difference, because I felt useless. She wasn't pushing me away anymore, but it seemed to be more because she was too weak to do so.

I didn't think it would take this long. Bella was a couple of weeks early, but still well within a full-term sort of timing according to the doctor. As much as I tried to reassure myself internally, it was getting harder to believe it as the minutes and hours ticked on.

"I want to be up there," Bella said, and I helped her moved towards the top of the bed on her hands and knees.

Almost immediately, she screamed again.

"Can you try breathing?" I asked.

"No," she moaned as tears flowed down her cheeks. Every one of the tears that left a trail on her skin also left a rip through the center of my chest.

All I could think was that it was all my fault. If I hadn't shoved my cock in her, none of this ever would have happened and she wouldn't be hurting like this.

"It's hurts," she whisper-cried at me. It was too low for anyone else to hear. For the first time all day, her eyes didn't show me anger or frustration, but terror. "It hurts a lot more that I thought it would…I don't understand…"'

"It's supposed to hurt," I reminded her. "You can still do the epidural or-"

"No!" she moaned. "It's not good for the baby…natural is so much better…the magazines…"

"I know, babe."

Bella had gone kind of crazy over the whole natural birth thing. It was entirely possible she read too much about it. Though I had no doubt it was the better route to go, it seems like an awful lot of shit to go through. Bella was sure, and I just went along with it because it was what she wanted.

We hadn't really had a chance to prepare. The baby was just too early.

Bella went back and forth from the birth ball to the bed. Then she went from being up on her hands and knees to lying on her back so someone could check her progress, though there really didn't seem to be any.

"Stop poking at me," Bella growled at one of the nurses.

The shift had just changed, and the one who had been there before was now gone. I wasn't sure who this one was, but Bella obviously didn't like her much. The nurse moved off to the side for a moment, but then reached out and placed her hand on Bella's stomach as another contraction hit.

"Don't touch me!" Bella yelled at her.

I was about to move around and just get in the bitch's way when she ignored Bella's obvious warning and placed her hand right above my wife's belly button, and Bella backhanded her.

Yep – right across the face.

The nurse jumped back, had this fantastic look of incredulity, and then just backed out of the room all together. Bella didn't even say anything.

"Did she just hit that nurse?" I heard Esme ask as she leaned over next to Chelsea.

"I do believe she did," Chelsea said.

"I like her, you know," Mom replied.

"I do, too," Chelsea responded.

"Bella?" the doctor came over and touched my wife's forehead. It wasn't the doctor we had been seeing, but some guy dressed in Dockers and a blue button down.

Bella looked up at him just as another pain hit her. My fingers were nearly crushed in the process, but she got through it. I let her squeeze the shit out of my hand, figuring it was the least I could do, and tried not to show just how much it hurt in my expression. I definitely wasn't going to say anything anymore – it just wasn't safe.

"I'd like to take a look at you, all right?"

They got her back on her back so they doctor could check her out, and I hoped she wouldn't smack him on top of the head. I tried not to think about the whole thing as another guy getting up in my wife's goods, but it was hard not to. I mean – he had is hand in her for Christ's-

"Mister Cullen?" the doctor said, startling me. "May I speak with you?"

Chelsea came up beside me and took my place holding Bella's hand while I moved to the other side of the room with Doctor Whoever-he-was.

"May I call you Edward?" he asked.

"Sure, I guess."

"Edward, your wife has been in some pretty hard labor for over twenty hours now."

Had it been that long? My mind whirred around in a little circle, and I conjured up images of all the "frog in a blender" jokes I had heard as a kid.

"She really hasn't made any progress, and she's still only about two centimeters dilated."

"She's supposed to be at ten to have the baby, right?"

"That's right," he said with a nod. "But the baby's head isn't in the right place."

"What do you mean, not in the right place?" I bellowed.

Esme was suddenly at my side, and she put a hand on my shoulder.

"You have to stay calm, Edward," Mom said. "For Bella's sake, remember?"

I restrained a growl, but glared at the doctor as he tried to explain.

"She's turned face up, and her head is pushing against Bella's public bone, not her cervix."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means your wife has been in some seriously rough labor for a long time, and I'm concerned it won't matter how long she does this, the baby's not going to come out that way."

My head tried to find some kind of frame of reference for what he was saying, but I couldn't figure it out. What did he mean; she wasn't going to come out? She had to come out eventually, didn't she? She couldn't just stay there!

"It sounds like you are suggesting cesarean," Mom said.

My head swiveled quickly to my mother's concerned eyes.

"I think it's best for both Bella and the baby."

"She doesn't want one," I told him. "There's no way – she doesn't even want an epidural."

"We may not have a choice, Edward," the doctor said.

I tried to ignore his words. I couldn't even get over the tone. I looked to Mom for some kind of magic answer, but the look on her face made it clear she didn't have one.

"She said she…she wanted all natural…you know?" I tried to explain. "That's about as far from natural as you can get."

The doctor looked from me to Esme, and then took a long, deep breath.

"Edward, if Bella doesn't agree to a c-section you're going o have to sign a waiver for me."

"A waiver?"

"Yes," he said with a stern look. "If you are going to go against my recommendation, the hospital can't be held liable if your wife and baby die."

My mind and body froze, and I fought against the images that tried to force their way into my head. There were too many, too fast, and every one of the faces was Bella's. MY throat tried to choke off my breath, and I felt sweat beginning to gather at the back of my neck.

"No," I whispered.

Mom's arms were around my shoulders, and she held me a moment before pushing me back and looking me right between the eyes.

"We'll go talk to her together," she said. "It will all work out, but you have to listen, Edward. You have to do what the doctor says. I won't let anything bad happen again – not as long as I'm here."

As soon as the doctor told Bella, her eyes went wide and she turned towards me.

"No," she whispered. "That's not right. That's not the way it's supposed to happen!"

"Bella, I think we have to-"

"No! I can do this!"

With burning eyes, I gripped her hand and refused to let go. My other hand rested against the side of her face.

"Please, Bella," I begged as hot tears started to run down my face. "If something happened to you…to the baby…God, Bella…I can't…I can't…"

She reached out and grabbed me, pulled me to her, and started sobbing.

"I didn't want it to be this way!" she cried.

"I know," I said against her neck. "I know baby, I know...I know…"

She sobbed. I sobbed. Though there was at least a half dozen other people in the room, they were completely invisible.

"It's all about sacrifice," I whispered. "Right? It's not what we want anymore, but what she needs."

"Uh huh," Bella blubbered.

"I love you," I told her. "We have to do this…we have to."

"I know," she replied.

As soon as we agreed, Bella was quickly moved to one of those rolling table-beds and hauled away as I tried not to let my heart actually tear straight out of my chest to follow her. Chelsea and Esme tried to calm me as we headed down the hall to the surgery preparation area.

In a daze, I let them pull a blue gown up over my arms and tie it in the back. A matching hat made its way onto my head, and some foot coverings were put over my shoes. By the time they cover my face up with one of those paper masks, it all came crashing down on me.

None of it was going right – not at all.

This was dangerous. Far, far more dangerous for Bella and the baby than just having a regular birth.

What if it didn't work? What if something bad happened? What if…?

I was going to drive myself insane.

"She needs me," I whispered to myself.

"Mister Cullen?" a nurse called out.

She smiled and pointed to a doorway. I followed her blindly.

"Don't worry, Mister Cullen," she said. "We're going to take really good care of your wife and the baby."

I nodded and walked heel-toe behind her until we reached another room with bright lights and lots of people. Bella was up on a high table with her arms stretched out to her sides and secured to some kind of cross-beams on the bed.

She looked crucified, and the very idea made me cringed.

I swallowed hard and made my way to the side of her that didn't have the IV in her arm. Her eyes turned towards me; they were almost as red as the rest of her face, but at least she wasn't screaming anymore.

"Hey babe," I said quietly.

Bella blinked.

"I didn't want this," she whispered.

"I know," I replied. "But we're going to get through it – just like we always do, right?"

Bella's head flopped away from me, she sniffed, and then turned back with a more determined look on her face.

"It will all be okay," she said. "It has to be."

I could only agree with her.

The doctor poked at Bella's stomach with a straight pin, and it took me a second to realize she couldn't feel any of it. Thankfully, I realized it before I punched the dude.

"Okay, you might feel a little bit of tugging," the surgeon told Bella, "but nothing should hurt. You make sure to speak up if you feel anything else, okay?"

"Okay."

Bella's voice sounded muted and half asleep. I squeezed her fingers gently as I glanced quickly between her face and the doctor's working hands. Even when the red of her blood covered the pale skin of her bloated stomach, I couldn't let myself think of it for what it was. Everything was happening too quickly, and all I could do was beg and beg inside my head to whoever might have been listening.

_Please don't let her die…please don't let her die…_

"Her uterus is very thin," the doctor said quietly. "We're just in time."

Part of me wanted to ask him what he meant, but decided I really didn't want to know. Bella's finger gripped mine, and when I turned my eyes to her, there were tears on her face.

"It's all okay," I whispered as I tried to smile. It probably didn't end up looking very comforting.

"The baby…" Bella's voice cracked and fresh tears flowed out of her eyes.

"It's okay," I said again, and my eyes swiveled back to see the red flow turn to a small hole. The doctor's hand moved inside, and I felt my stomach try to revolt.

_Don't you fucking dare!_

I swallowed hard and looked back, prepared to force myself into remaining in the present with my wife, no matter what it all looked like.

And I saw her.

Just a tiny blob covered in red at first, but as the doctor's hand moved, her face turned upwards towards the light. Her eyes squeezed shut against the brightness, and her face scrunched up.

She looked so much like Bella whenever she tried to eat the cheap vegetarian burgers I almost laughed.

"Beautiful girl you have here," the doctor said as he handed her to the nurse beside him. "Why don't you give me a hand here, Edward?"

The next thing I knew, I had a tiny pair of scissors in my hand, and I was cutting the cord in between two little knots of thread. As soon as I did, her tiny mouth opened and she let out a wail.

"Fuck!" I cried. "Did I hurt her?"

"Not at all," the doctor said. "She sounds good."

"She's okay?" Bella yelled out.

"She's perfectly fine," the nurse responded with a big smile. She brought the baby over to my wife and held her tiny head up close to Bella's cheek. The nurse moved the little girl up and down, so that mom and daughter were skin to skin as Bella began to sob.

"She's okay?" Bella asked again. Her eyes moved rapidly between me and the nurse holding our child. I could only nod, since my tongue felt thick and was completely unwilling to move in any sort of controllable fashion.

"Your daughter looks just great, Mrs. Cullen. I'm just going to take her right over there and check her out, okay?"

Bella nodded, but she wouldn't move her eyes from the baby. Actually, I couldn't either. She look exactly like Bella, and when her little eyelids parted, there were deep brown orbs staring back at me.

"Let's let the doctor look out for Bella for a moment," the nurse said to me. "I could really use some help cleaning your daughter up a little. Could you help me with that?"

Her voice was kind of mesmerizing, as was my daughter's face. I couldn't quite figure out what her expression was – if she hated the bright lights or was just mad about being out in the cold, cruel world. She wasn't happy, that was for sure.

The nurse wiped some of the gunk off her, checked her eyes, tickled her foot, and then handed me a soft little sponge to do the rest. Mentally, I counted fingers and toes and checked her out all over as I cleaned her off. The nurse wrapped her in a little blanket and then held her out to me.

My throat constricted as she was placed in my arms. I expected to feel uneasy about holding her for the first time, but I didn't. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. She was soft, warm, and stopped squirming as I cradled her against my chest.

While I held her, the nurse suctioned out her nose and she let out another tiny wail.

"My baby!" Bella called out.

"I got her!" I replied. "She's okay! Pissed off, but okay."

I heard myself laugh, but the sound seemed detached and distant. The nurse wiped her down once more with a soft little scrap of cloth, and I just stared at her face.

"She's beautiful," I said.

"She is," the nurse replied. "One of the prettiest I've seen."

Deep inside, I knew it was a line of bullshit she told every new father, but I didn't care. I was quite completely sure it was the truth – she was the most beautiful baby in the world. Once she was cleaned off, there was no doubt about it in my mind.

"Is she okay?" Bella asked as I carried the tiny, wrapped up bundle over close to her.

"She's great," I said. "Better than great. She got a ten on some scale, which is the best you can get, so she's obviously awesome. Even the nurse said she was the best. She'll probably get a full ride to whatever Ivy League school she wants."

Bella nodded, but she didn't seem convinced.

"She's fantastic," I said again. I tightened my arms a little – terrified of holding her either too tightly or too loosely.

"I can't hold her," Bella whispered. Fresh tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.

"Soon," I told her. I tried to look to where the doctor was working on her, but when I realized her was stapling her stomach, I had to look away. "I think he's almost done."

"We're going to get you to the recovery room in just a few minutes," he said. "Once we get you all settled in there and make sure you are doing as well as your daughter, then you'll be able to hold her yourself."

"You have her?" Bella asked, her voice still a little cloudy.

"I got her, babe," I assured her. "I got her, and she's great…she's doing great. She's not even crying or anything."

"Are you sure she's okay?"

My eyes swiveled to the nurse, who came over and touched the baby's cheek. She squirmed slightly in the bundle of blue and pinks striped blankets, but didn't make a noise.

"She's just fine," the nurse said again

The nurse had to tell us both that at least a dozen more times before they said they needed to check the baby out again. After a little convincing, I went with the baby and Chelsea stayed with Bella while Mom went to call the world. They were going to move Bella back to the birthing room where we had started.

I went with the baby to the nursery, where they did a couple more tests and decided she was just as I had already told them – absolutely perfect. I wouldn't put her down while they checked her out, I just held her to me. She was so tiny at barely over six pounds, and I just wanted to keep her as safe as possible.

"You're going to spoil her," a matronly nurse scolded me.

I managed to withhold actually speaking the words _fuck you_, but tried to at least say them with my eyes. She squared her shoulders and stomped off.

"Do you have a name picked out?" the younger nurse asked. She touched my daughter's cheek, which made her squirm.

"Alice," I responded.

"Wonderful choice!" I was still quite sure she said all the same shit to all the new parents, but she really was damn convincing, so I smiled. Actually, that made me realize that I hadn't stopped smiling in so long, my face was starting to hurt.

That made me smile some more.

"We'll need to put her in here before we take her to the recovery room." The nurse indicated a rolling version of a bassinet. It looked ok, I guess, but I wasn't about to put my daughter down.

"I got her," I said.

"We need to have her in the bassinet when we move her-"

"I said, I got her," I repeated.

She continued to try and argue with me, so I just ignored her and started looking around until I figured out which direction Bella's room was. I headed off down the hall, and the nurse chased me with a raised, plastic baby bed on wheels.

Both of my parents were right by the door, which made it easy to find.

It was about four in the morning, and Aro had gone home to get a few hours sleep and prepare for an executive meeting or something. Dad stayed, as did Mom and Chelsea. They were all in the room when I got there with Baby Alice, and I let them all have a minute with her while I made sure Bella was all good. She looked like she had been in a fight with me in the cage, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

I liked my balls attached.

Bella assure me that she was fine, and she just wanted her baby, so I took her away from Grandma and brought her to the side of the bed. The little plastic bassinet had been delivered by the nurse, but I bypassed it again and held her closet o Bella.

"See?" I said to her. "I told you – she's perfect."

With the help of another nurse, we got a pillow and placed it across Bella's stomach to protect the incision, and then lay Baby Alice on top of it so Bella could hold her. She stared into her face for a long, long time before she spoke quietly enough that only I could hear.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to make something absolutely clear with you."

I tensed a little.

"What's that?"

"I am not going to do that again. This is it. Only child. You got that?"

I tucked my forehead into her neck to hide my smile as I relaxed again.

"Got it."

"You realize what that means, right?"

"Um…I don't know?" The tension came back.

"We are never having sex again," Bella stated. "Never."

"Oh really?" I replied.

"Really."

"Seems…unlikely."

"I'm completely serious."

I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing. Actually, the whole conversation was making me horny, but I wasn't going to push it that far, especially knowing I wasn't about to get any for the next few weeks.

"You won't last," I informed her. "Within two weeks, you'll be going nuts for my cock."

She tried to hold it in, but she still giggled, then cringed and pressed her hand against her belly.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"It's okay," she said with a sigh. "Like they say, it hurts to laugh."

Baby Alice must have shared the discomfort, because she let out a tiny cry. I jumped up and looked over at the nurse to see if she knew what was wrong. All I got was a patronizing smile and a word of reassurance as she walked out to get someone to help with nursing.

"Do you think she's hungry?" I asked.

Bella shrugged.

"I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing here."

Taking her from Bella for a moment, I held Baby Alice like a loaf of bread and rocked a little, but she didn't stop crying. I checked the diaper, but the thing was so hi-tech, I couldn't tell if it was wet or not.

"I think she is," I said.

"Let's give it a shot."

Breastfeeding a baby has got to be one of the most natural things in the whole world. It's absolutely beautiful and perfect, and as magical as people tell you it is. If you didn't believe in a god, watching a baby's mother feed your child is enough to make you a believer.

Why the fuck no one ever tells you how hard it is to get the hang of it is beyond me.

Bella and Baby Alice spent the next two hours with various nurses, lactation consultants, La Leche League reps, and tears before they finally managed to get two tits worth of milk into our new baby. Then another nurse came in and asked how many ounces Baby Alice had, and the look Bella gave her was enough to send her running.

By the end of our stay, we were going to alienate the entire hospital staff.

The next nursing session wasn't a whole lot better, but only lasted about half as long. Unfortunately, it came about twenty minutes after the first one. Bella was exhausted, and the nurses were driving her nuts. With tears in her eyes, she turned to me, and I lost it.

"Just get the fuck out, all right?" I snapped. "All of you!"

I don't know if the nurse thought I was joking or what, but as she ignored, me, I started heading around to the side of the bed where she stood. A second later, my father was there at my side, stopping me from whatever I was about to do.

I wasn't sure what it was, either, but in retrospect it probably would have been bad.

The next thing I knew, Dad was ushering everyone out of the room – family included. He gave me a quick nod before shutting the door and presumably standing guard outside of it. Bella and I were suddenly alone with our baby.

I pulled the rolling chair up close and reached out my hand to Baby Alice's cheek. Her head turned a little towards me, and her mouth started working like she wanted to eat, but she just couldn't get the hang of it.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do!" Bella sobbed quietly.

"Shhh," I said to both of them. "Remember what the doctor said? They get all this extra fat and stuff inside of you so they have time to learn to eat and whatever until the right kind of milk comes in."

"Instead of colostrum," Bella said with a sniff.

"Right – that stuff. So we just have to be patient and help her get it, right?"

Bella nodded, sniffed again, and took a hold of her breast in her hand. I lifted Baby Alice up and we worked together until she finally managed to latch on the right way. Bella nearly started crying again in relief, and she finally got to sit back and relax for a few minutes until we switched sides and startedd all over again.

It was a little easier that time, at least.

Once she was full, our daughter fell asleep there on the pillow with Bella's nipple half in and half out of her mouth.

"I don't want to put her down," Bella said as she glanced at the bassinet.

"I know," I replied. "But you need to sleep – we both do. She'll be right there – you can watch her the whole time. I'm right here, too, so nothing's going to happen to either one of you."

Bella nodded reluctantly, but surrendered Baby Alice to the bassinet beside the bed. I sat back down on the rolling chair, propped up a pillow so I could basically lay half of me down beside Bella without bumping into her and tearing her incision or anything. It was a tight fit, but there was no way I was going to sleep on the nasty little Flip-n-Fuck they had in the corner of the room for new dads.

With Bella's head on my shoulder, we both watched out daughter intently. Despite the exhaustion from the last twenty-four-plus hours, neither of us could stop watching her long enough to close our eyes and fall asleep.

"She's so pretty," Bella whispered.

"Beautiful," I said. "Like you."

"She looks like you."

"She has your eyes."

"Your hair."

"There isn't enough to tell," I said with a quiet snicker.

"It's definitely your color," Bella insisted. "And her ears – those are your ears."

"They're kinda pointy at the top."

"The nurse said that would go away in a couple of weeks.

"Oh," I said. I didn't admit that was I a little disappointed. It made her look a bit like an elf or a pixie, and I thought that was kind of cool.

We watched her in silence for a few more minutes. The next time I glanced at Bella, her eyes were closed, so I wrapped an arm around her not-so-bulging stomach and settled against her on the bed. As soon as my eyes closed, I was out.

What must have been about thirty seconds later, Baby Alice was crying.

Bella struggled to get out from under me, but I told her to stay while I got up, went around the bed, and picked up my daughter. I ran a finger over her lips as I walked her back to her mother, and she tried to turn her head to suck on the end of my finger. It made me smile.

Bella got herself situated with pillows over her stomach and under her arm to try to get Baby Alice in a _football hold_ or whatever to nurse her. It wasn't working at all, so we switched everything around and tried the other side while Baby Alice's cries got a little more insistent. I wasn't sure which of them was more frustrated, and I was a little worried Bella was going to hit me again.

"You aren't helping!" she hissed.

"Well, I'm trying!" Trying to remain calm, anyway. I guess I thought Bella would instantly return to normal again once Baby Alice was born, but apparently there were a couple hormones left in there. "You tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

"I want you to convince her to latch on right and eat!" Bella snapped as tears filled her eyes. "This hurts!"

My chest hurt as I couldn't breathe again for a minute. I had seen Bella in enough pain over the last day – I didn't want to see any more. Without knowing what else to do, I knelt down beside the bed and looked Baby Alice in the eyes.

"Listen here, girl," I said quietly. "You need to eat, and your mama needs to get her rest. So how about you stop goofing off, and maybe get on there the right way so you're not so frustrated, and your mama doesn't shoot me the next time I want to fuck her."

Bella's hand reached out and smacked me in the back of the head.

"Don't swear!" she scolded.

"Right…uh…I mean, the next time I want to do that shi…um…_stuff_ moms and dads do when they want to give you a baby brother."

"Not going to happen," Bella giggled.

I kept talking total crap, and sometimes it seemed like Baby Alice was focusing on me, but mostly she was just pissed off. That is, until Bella let out a gasp and Baby Alice suddenly quieted. She closed her eyes and started to just suck rapidly as I glanced at Bella.

Her teeth were ground together, but otherwise she seemed okay.

"No one ever told me this shit was going to hurt," she said quietly.

"Don't swear," I replied with a smile.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"At least she's eating now."

With Baby Alice fed, we both managed to get a little sleep.

I wasn't one to enjoy change, but when I looked in her face, being a father seemed pretty cool.

* * *

******Chapter End Notes:**

Who is with me on the whole_ learning to nurse _thing is a whole hell of a lot harder than anyone ever tells you?

This is not the penultimate chapter. I had to break it up to get something out this weekend. There will be at least one more before the epilogue.

Check out my new website - link is in my profile! There is a teaser for Otherwise Occupied - the Otherwise Alone sequel there! Speaking of Otherwise Alone - it is FREE on Amazon all weekend long (March 1-3, 2013)! Go check it out!

OK - I'm going to babble for a bit now. Feel free to go about your business if you don't want to hear it. :)

This chapter was insanely hard for me, which is part of the reason it wasn't ready in time. This is (with a few liberties) the birth of my daughter - from the 22 hours of hard labor with no progress, my stubborn refusal to get an epidural or a C-Section, and a doctor eventually handing my husband a waiver saying we were both going to die if I didn't consent to surgery.

Yeah, I'm that stubborn!

Anyway, it was rather traumatic, even nearly 12 years later. I don't know exactly why this chapter ended up this way - it wasn't my intent, but once I started writing it it just came out. Maybe I needed to write it.

Thanks for listening. The next chapter will be up...well...when it's done. Maybe Friday. I don't know anymore! LOL


	33. Realize the Family

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

I have no decent excuse for being late - I was just..well...out late!

Sorry if I offended any nurses - there are, or course, fabulous representations of the career out there. Unfortunately, none were aroun for the birth of my daughter. I really did smack one of them, but it wasn't intentional...more reflexive...

Thanks DK for beta reading!

**I didn't need to fight.**

* * *

**Chapter 33 – Realize the Family**

The whole sleep deprived thing wasn't all that different from being strung out.

I was doing my best to keep it to myself, but it wasn't easy. The first four weeks with Baby Alice at home were fine – Bella and I could both sleep when she slept. Once I went back to work, the morning, afternoon, and evening naps evaporated, and I was exhausted most of the time.

Of course, Bella shoved Baby Alice in my arms as soon as I walked in the door.

_Baby Alice._

No one ever called her just _Alice_ – she was always _Baby_ Alice.

She was awesome.

She cried all the time – all night, all day – unless someone was holding her. Every time I thought about that nurse in the hospital telling me I was going to spoil her, a big smile crossed my face and I held her even closer to me. She'd coo sometimes, but more often she'd just burp or fart. On a good day, she'd stick her tongue out at me.

I'd fucking spoil her forever, if that's what the word meant.

She slept with us in our bed, and I didn't give a shit what some people said about how that was wrong or dangerous or whatever – I did the research, and outside western society most of the world had family beds. I didn't think we'd do it for long, but right now, as Bella had to nurse her about every thirty seconds, this was the way to go as far as we were concerned.

Bella's boobs were sore, and if I touched them she'd threaten to smack me. It was okay though, because we were allowed to have sex again, and I was making good use of that edict.

Yeah – the whole _your cock will never enter my cooch again_ shit didn't last long.

If Baby Alice had already eaten but still wouldn't sleep, Bella would take her out so I could get more rest for work. During the day on the weekends, I would take her so Bella could do the same.

She always felt so warm and snuggly I really didn't mind. Bella needed the break when I got home from work – usually just to have enough time to take a shit or a shower – and I liked just hanging out with my daughter on the couch. Sometimes she'd cry, and sometimes she'd sleep, but usually she'd just look at me as I babbled total bullshit at her.

Though I hadn't actually attended a Sunday dinner at Aro's yet, the entire family had been over to the house at one point or another. Esme and Chelsea practically took turns living there the first week, and even Rosalie had come around to a degree.

After the first time my cousin's wife spent the afternoon with Bella and Baby Alice, I finally gave up waiting for Bella to tell me and flat out asked her what they deal was between the two of them. Bella just shrugged.

"She didn't like me," she told me with a harsh laugh.

"Why not?"

Bella laughed again.

"Every Thursday a truck came in with stuff for all the residents. Mostly it was donated clothing and a few toys. Right before Christmas, a delivery of brand new Christmas bears came in. They were big enough to use as a pillow, and when you squeezed their hands, they played Christmas songs. There were seven kids in the group home at the time, and only six bears. I got the last one."

"The lady who worked with kids there brought in another bear," Bella continued. "I think she actually went out and bought it herself to make sure Rosalie had something, but it wasn't the same. It didn't play music."

"So, she…what? Hated you over a stuffed animal?"

"She took it out on me, yeah," Bella said. "It got so bad I even tried to trade bears with her, but she didn't want it by then. She just wanted to make me suffer for it."

"That's fucked up," I said.

"It definitely seems like it now," Bella agreed. "At the time it was obviously important to her. I don't think she had much of anything before she came to the shelter. She really latched on to everything they gave her – even an extra cookie. She would hide that sort of stuff in her dresser drawer."

"She hid cookies?"

"Other things, too."

"Like what?"

"Small toys, bits of craft projects – anything she could sneak away. I don't know where she came from, but no one there came from a happy home, you know?"

"I guess that's true." I put an arm around her and pulled her close to me. I didn't like Bella thinking about where she came from. I wasn't even sure what was worse – living with her mom, losing her dad, or ending up on that fucked up reservation. "You seem to be getting along okay now."

"Not bad," Bella said. "I think she's coming to terms with it all."

"_It all_?" I repeated.

"I usurped her," Bella said. "Even when she invited you to the wedding and everything else, she never expected you to come back into the family. You had been estranged for so long, she thought her position was secure. Even with Carlisle constantly telling everyone the businesses were going to you whether you liked it or not, she thought he would eventually realize Twilight Silver would collapse if he did that and let Emmett take over. That would have made her queen again."

"So when we showed up married and pregnant…well, I took her place. She wasn't expecting that, but I think she's dealing with it."

"I kind of figured she took it that way," I said with a nod. "Even when we were kids and she and Emmett were dating she didn't like girls I took out."

"Probably for the same reason."

"Most likely."

Honestly, knowing where she was coming from didn't make me like Rosalie any more than I ever had, but at least I had some understanding. It was obvious that she loved Baby Alice, and that was more important than anything else. I was finding that increasingly true when it came to my tolerance of others – as long as they loved my daughter, they couldn't be too bad.

That's probably why I was never, never going to tolerate Renee Swan.

Brady and Leah had come to visit when Baby Alice was just a few weeks old. He was totally freaked out by the baby at first, but warmed to her once Leah made him sit down and hold her. Within a few minutes he was laughing at her and trying to get her to smile at him just like everyone else.

It was actually Leah's idea for Bella to call her mother.

"Well, I just thought you might like to know…no, I don't need money, that's not why…no…"

Bella sighed, dropped her head in one hand, and closed her eyes. Leah stood off to one side with Baby Alice in her arms and a pained look on her face.

"No, that's not why I called." Bella was starting to sound like she was dealing with an Alzheimer's patient. "I figured you might want to know you had a granddaughter…no, I don't…"

Brady shrugged when I glanced at him and motioned with his thumb towards the porch.

"I don't know why she thought that shit was a good idea," Brady said as soon as the door closed.

I pulled out a little case of electronic cigarettes and cartridges – a gift from Aro when Baby Alice was born – and handed one to Brady. He laughed his ass off at them the first time I offered him one, but he decided he liked them, and Leah went ballistic on both of us when she found out I had given him real cigarettes before, and he didn't want to chance it again.

I still liked just hanging out on the porch for no real reason, and the e-cig gave me a pseudo-reason.

"She was trying to help," I replied with a shrug. "I reconciled with my parents, so maybe Bella and her mom can work things out, too. It doesn't seem to be happening."

"I met her once," Brady said. "The woman is a nutcase."

"Yeah? Bella doesn't really talk about her." I inhaled water vapor and blew it out in rings.

"She came to the reservation once," he said. "It wasn't long after Bella's dad died – less than a year. Billy thought she was hoping to get the pension from Charlie's death, but the adoption was already final so there wasn't anything she could do. She gave up her rights to Bella when Charlie was still alive."

Brady took a puff off the e-cig and turned it around to look at the little red light at the tip.

"She messed up the place," he continued. "She threw a coffee table and wrecked the kitchen, and then pretty much left. I saw her for about three minutes as she was coming out of the house and I was walking by. She threw rocks at me just for being there before she got in a rundown Rabbit and left, and I was just a kid, too – younger than Bella."

"That's fucked up."

"Yeah," Brady agreed.

We stood there and puffed for a while. The weird thing about the electronic cigarettes is they don't really have an end until the battery actually needs to be recharged. You don't realize you've been "smoking" for a half hour because it doesn't burn out in five minutes like a normal one would. Of course, I didn't smell like an ashtray all the time anymore, and Baby Alice wasn't getting exposed to that shit, so it was all good.

Leaning forward a little, I looked into the front window and saw Leah rocking the baby in her arms while Bella was still on the phone.

"She's a natural with a kid," I said and then immediately regretted it. "I mean, she does really well with the baby."

That wasn't any better.

"It's all right," Brady said with a half smile. "You don't have to avoid the topic. We're used to it."

"Sorry, man."

"Don't be," he said. "We'll figure it out."

They had been seeing a fertility doctor and wanted to try in-vitro fertilization to see if Leah could get pregnant that way. However, the price tag was kind of insane. Brady was trying to talk the insurance company into covering it but wasn't having much luck.

I couldn't help but think about the kind of money my family had and if we might be able to do something about it. I wasn't sure if they would accept, though. Even bringing it up might piss them off – they were proud people.

I turned when I heard the door open, and Bella rolled her eyes at our pretend smokes.

"Remind me not to do that again," she said. "She went from asking if I needed money for the baby to asking me _for_ money. She never even said anything about wanting to meet Baby Alice; she just kept changing the subject to money."

Bella leaned up against me, and I wrapped an arm around her.

"Is Baby Alice sleeping?"

"Yeah, she likes Leah's arms."

I glanced at Brady and saw a sad half smile cross his lips. I had to stop myself from saying something else about how great Leah was with Baby Alice. I didn't think it would sound right.

"Still want to go out for dinner?" I asked, and Bella nodded.

"You better," Leah said from the doorway. "I came all this way to babysit just so you two could have a night on the town."

While I cuddled Baby Alice and told her we wouldn't be gone too long, Bella went in to grab her purse. I couldn't even come up with names for it any more – it had been totally dwarfed by Beelzebub's Diaper Bag. In fact, you could fit three or four of Bella's purses in that thing. I refused to carry it. I'd shove a little diaper in my jacket pocket and just leave the damn thing at home.

Like Baby Alice really needed an entire set of plastic blocks, books, a tiny manicure set, four changing pads, three blankets, an extra hat, and a nose-siphon everywhere she went. You could fit a pack-and-play in there, too, but she wasn't big enough to use it yet. Besides, she was only ever put down in her pumpkin seat when we went in a car. The rest of the time someone was holding her.

The thought made me smile again.

Marcus pulled up to the front of the house, and I took Bella's hand to lead her to the back seat of the Rolls. For better or worse, we had gotten used to having someone to drive us around if we didn't want to take the bus all over the place. Marcus didn't mind, and Aro didn't need him on the weekends much, anyway.

I tried to justify it saying he was on the clock anyway, but mostly I was just getting a little spoiled again. It hadn't taken much of a leap for me to go from refusing any kind of help at all to accepting some, at least, when Baby Alice was born. The car had been the first and easiest to get use to; I never did like riding the bus.

"Hey, do you mind if we make a little pit stop?" I asked.

"Okay with me," Bella replied with a shrug.

I told Marcus where I wanted to go, and he eyed me in the mirror for a minute before Bella told him to just drive. It didn't take long to reach my destination, and I told Bella she could just wait in the car.

"Are you telling me I have to stay," she asked, "or are you giving me an option?"

I thought about it for a second before I pulled the little photograph of Crazy Alice's mom out of my jacket pocket. I had flattened it out and put it in a little wooden frame, and it had ended up looking pretty nice.

"I was going to put it…you know…on her grave." The whole idea suddenly sounded stupid when I said it. "I mean, I don't know what good it will do at our place, you know?"

"I know," Bella said quietly. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "You go. I'll wait here."

The ground was muddy with the melted snow from last weekend, and it was getting caked on my shoes. I hoped I'd be able to get them cleaned off on a curb or something before getting back in the car, or Aro was going to kill me.

"Hey," I said as I stared down at the simple stone that read _Alice Brandon_ on it. "I…um…"

I cleared my throat.

"I guess I'm talking to myself here," I said. "I just wanted you to know we had the baby, and we named her Alice. She's Baby Alice, though – not Crazy Alice. I don't think she's crazy anyway."

Chuckling a little, I crouched down in front of the stone.

"I'm crazy about her," I admitted. "She's just…fucking amazing. I don't know how else to describe her. Bella is awesome with her, too, though she had a tough time getting her out. She ended up having to have a c-section. It's not what she wanted, but…well…it's what we had to do, ya know?"

I sniffed a couple times. The cold wind was making my nose run. I glanced over my shoulder at the car and saw Bella staring out the window at me.

"Well, I have to get Bella to dinner," I said. "It's the first time we've been out since Baby Alice was born. I just wanted to stop by and give you something."

I placed the framed picture at the top of the gravestone.

"I found it when I was cleaning out your place and thought you might like it. Thanks for grabbing the bookshelf and my boots. It kinda sucked when I thought those were gone."

I stood back up and looked down at the picture of Crazy Alice's mother.

"Anyway, I'll see you later, I guess." I felt like a total fool and looked around to make sure there weren't any other fools out there looking at me. I didn't see anyone else out there in the cold, so I backed away a couple of steps before turning to go back to the car.

"Well?" Bella said when I had my shoes cleaned off and climbed back into the warmth of the Rolls.

"Well what?" I asked.

"I don't know," Bella said. "How did it go?"

"Okay, I guess. I put the picture there, so mission accomplished."

Marcus started off down the street, and I felt Bella's fingers wrap around mine. When I looked down, she gave them a little squeeze with her warm fingers.

"You're a good guy, Edward," she said softly. "Did you know that?"

Shrugging, I gave her a half smile.

"You made me that way," I told her.

"No," she contradicted, "you were already like that."

"Nah."

"Yes, you were," she said.

She leaned over close and placed her palm against the side of my face. I turned and quickly kissed the edge of her hand.

"From the very first time we met," she said, "you were my hero."

…

Sunday dinner.

Baby Alice was almost two months old, but we finally made it to one of Aro's family dinners. It had gone well – much better than I might have expected. Though I wouldn't say we were all on the friendliest of terms, I was reconnecting with Mom and at least being civil with Dad.

Still, sitting down with everyone around the table at lunch was a little…weird. Not that anything horrible happened, but it was awkward and uncomfortable. Rosalie said almost nothing, though she and Bella were getting along for the most part. Rose seemed to have accepted that I was back in the family and Bella was around to stay.

She loved Baby Alice, of course. Everyone did. She even tried to get up and tend to her when she started crying right about the time dessert was being served.

"I got her," I said quickly. I needed the excuse and the break from the group.

I gathered her up, grabbed her purple blanket off the back of the pumpkin seat in the hallway, and went to the den to see if I could get her to nap. There were thick, dark red curtains in there, and they did a nice job of blocking out the afternoon light. Once I pulled them closed, I settled down in an overstuffed chair with Baby Alice on top of me.

She settled down almost immediately.

My nose nuzzled against the top of her head, and I sniffed the soft, downy hair around her crown as I pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. My fingers graced over the top of her head, careful over the soft spot there, and down across her cheek as I sniffed again. She smelled fantastic.

I didn't know what it was about her, but she always smelled great. Well, except when her diaper needed to be changed, but even that wasn't near as bad as I had always been led to believe. Supposedly it was going to get worse when she started eating other foods, but changing diapers wasn't the big deal everyone made it out to be.

I said that to my mom, and she just smiled and shook her head.

As much as Baby Alice liked the boob, I didn't see the real food happening for a while. Bella went through so much cracked and achy nipple pain in the beginning, but now it was completely effortless for both of them. Baby Alice would latch on and go to town, and Bella would hardly notice except that she had to flip her shirt up to do it.

Baby Alice yawned and big, toothless yawn, and then rested her head against the center of my chest. Next to Bella's tits, it was her favorite place to be. Her big, brown eyes blinked a few times before closing completely.

With one arm wrapped underneath her butt, and the other one around her back, I settled against the back of the chair and closed my eyes as well. It was good to get some rest, even though I knew it wasn't going to last very long. Baby Alice was comfortable, warm, and content on my chest, and I was thrilled to have her there.

She was going to grow out of being a baby long before I was going to grow tired of her being one.

I dozed for a while, waking only when Baby Alice began to squirm a little. I sat up, wrapped the blanket around her a little tighter, and rocked her a little in my arms until she settled back down. It never took very long.

During my previous session with Irina, she said I had come a long way from the first time I walked into her office. I had only shrugged at her, but I knew she was right. No one was going to refer to me as perfect, but I was making some progress in certain areas.

I hadn't hit the mullet-dude at work who keeps commenting on my heritage – not even once.

I wanted to, no doubt, but I hadn't done it. That was the main thing. Irina said it was okay for me to think about it as long as I never take those kinds of thoughts and turn them into actions. I was okay with that.

She was actually starting to hint that maybe I didn't need to see her every week anymore, which made me wonder how long it was going to be until I didn't need to see her at all. I didn't mind going – I had even gotten to the point where I sometimes liked talking to her, but as soon as Bella went back to school, someone else was going to have to watch Baby Alice. Mom and Chelsea had volunteered, of course, but they had their own jobs and lives and shit. They wouldn't always be able to drop everything.

I was thinking more and more about what I needed to do with my life…my career.

Was I going to just keep making rings? Did I want to be in a piss-ant shop with mullet-boy on second shift, or did I want to be more than that?

I wasn't sure.

There was no doubt that I was doing a lot of thinking about what Baby Alice needed and what she might want in the future. I knew I didn't want her to have to struggle to go to school, like Bella had. I knew I didn't want her living in a piece of shit apartment with a shit landlord and guns going off in the night. I remembered how scared Bella had been in the apartment alone, and the thought pissed me off.

There was no way – _no way _would I ever allow my daughter to be in that position.

My grip on Baby Alice tightened at the thought, and I sniffed her head again. I tried not to think about how Charlie Swan had died long before his daughter was thinking about school and wondered what he might have done differently if he had known.

"All of the sudden, everything that you thought was important takes a back seat, huh?"

My father walked into the den and tilted his head to get a better look at Baby Alice.

"She does look like you," he said.

"She looks like Bella," I corrected, then felt like an ass for being snippy. "At least, _I_ think so."

"I can see you both in there."

I shrugged but looked closely at her face, trying to see how much her cheekbones looked like mine. Her chin was definitely Bella's, as was her nose. I held her up a bit more as I leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

It was almost reflexive.

"They really do change everything," Dad said. He settled down in the chair across from me and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "I mean, you know they are going to change your life, but it's really so much more than that. All your perspectives change, too."

"She's everything," I said simply. "She's Bella, but she's me, too. I can't explain it."

"You don't have to," Dad murmured. "I know exactly what you mean."

A small smile came across his face.

"You used to sleep on me like that, you know."

"I did?"

"All the time. It was the only way you would go to sleep unless your mother was singing to you."

I didn't think of myself as much of a singer, but I wondered if Baby Alice would like to hear someone sing songs for her. Then I thought my voice might be bad enough that she'd end up in therapy for it later, and I started wondering about what other ways I might screw her up.

I swallowed past a lump in my throat and furrowed my brow as I looked at her.

"It's a gamble," Dad said softly. "Doing what you think is best but not knowing how it's going to turn out in the future. You always want to do the right thing, but you're human – you screw it up."

My eyes moved to his, and he looked back down to the floor.

"Sometimes you want what you think is best for them so badly, you don't realize that what you are doing isn't what they need," he continued. "You want to do the right thing, but you don't. Not because you don't want to, but because you try too hard."

Baby Alice's lower lip started jumping around like she was nursing in her sleep. I wondered if there was anything I wouldn't do for her and decided there was not.

"I didn't trust you," he said. "I didn't trust you to know what you were saying or what you were doing. I could only think about how much harder it was going to be on you if you had to try to be a father when you weren't even out of high school yet. I would have said or done anything just to protect you from that, but instead…instead I just fucked it all up."

"Don't swear in front of the baby," I said quietly.

Carlisle smiled.

"Sorry," he said. "I had a really foul mouth before you were born. Esme would scold me constantly when you were a baby. I told her you couldn't understand what I was saying, but she was right – it took so long to get me out of the habit of swearing, you were practically talking then. I guess I'll have to learn that lesson again."

"You and me, both," I muttered.

"Maybe…" He hesitated and then took a long breath in before speaking again. "Maybe we can practice together?"

Tensing a little, I managed to hold Baby Alice a little tighter against my chest at the same time. There was definitely a part of me – a small, still angry teenaged part of me – that wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to tell him that there was no way in hell he got to share in this new life – not after what he had done…

…but what if I made mistakes, too?

What if, in trying to do everything that was right for Baby Alice, I fucked us as well? What if I said something that made her mad, and she didn't want to speak to me anymore, of if she ran to her room and locked the door? What if she refused to have anything to do with me?

Again, my grip tightened.

"Do you think we can, Edward?" Dad asked again. "Do you think we can do this – be a father and a grandfather for Baby Alice – do you think we can do that together?"

I glanced at my father again. Instead of the man who set tragic events in motion, I tried to see the man who made sure we always had dinner together as a family. I tried to see the man who helped me with my math homework, kite flying, and taught me how to kayak.

My eyes searched for the man who had been my father…

…and he was there.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Maybe we can do that."

...

"Waaaaah!"

"Ogh," Bella moaned as she shoved her head underneath her pillow.

"I got her," I whispered. I rolled out of bed, picked up my fussy daughter, and tossed her up onto my shoulder. "Go back to sleep."

With Baby Alice in my arms, I snuck quietly out of the bedroom and shut the door behind me. It wasn't really my turn – I had to get up and go to work in a couple of hours – but Bella had been so tired last night I thought I should take the extra shift.

Besides, I really didn't mind at all. Maybe it would get me a few brownie points with the wife. Brownie points meant on Friday night, when Baby Alice was asleep, Daddy Edward could put Mommy Bella's ankles up over his shoulders and fuck her until she screamed.

Okay, so that was a little vulgar, but at least I didn't say it out loud.

I knew I was far, far from perfect. I also knew that in the long run, it didn't matter. Bella wasn't looking for perfection in me. She just wanted me to be the best husband and father I was capable of being, and that's exactly what I intended to do. I was going to be there for her and for Baby Alice no matter what happened. I would support them both – physically and mentally. I would do whatever I had to do in order to give them the best life I could offer.

I didn't need to fight.

I didn't need to be rich, and I didn't have to be poor.

I only had to be me, without the shackles and the bars I had created for myself with memories of the past. I didn't have to hide behind the bars of a cage any longer.

My finger traced along the edge of my baby daughter's face.

"I love you," I whispered to her. "You and your mama, both."

Baby Alice's eyes opened, and she seemed to be trying to focus on me. I leaned forward so she could get a better look and took her tiny hand in mine so I could touch it to my face.

"Hey there, little girl," I said. "You need to go to sleep for a little while, okay?"

My finger touched her chin, then right at the side of her mouth. Her tiny little lips started moving reflexively, and she turned towards the touch. Before I knew it, her mouth had latched on to the end of my finger and she sucked quickly. After just a few seconds, she realized she wasn't getting what she wanted.

For the briefest of moments, her face scrunched up and she looked ready to scream, but then her face evened out. She seemed to sigh, sucked twice more at the tip of my finger, and then closed her eyes.

I wasn't one to go soft, but surely this little girl could melt any cage I placed around myself.

* * *

******Chapter End Notes:**

Sorry for being late! I have no decent excuses!

Next stoop...the epilogue!


	34. Embrace the Destiny

**Author's Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just poking her fishes.

Happy Friday everyone! It's 10pm, and you know what that means! Yes…sniff! It's the final Caged night posting. This is it, people. Have at it, and I'll see you at the bottom.

Special thanks to Cejsmom Twifan for beta reading this chapter. I appreciate the last minute help! J

**_the reason my heart beats_**

**_bella, alice_**

* * *

**Chapter 34 – Embrace the Destiny **

**Epilogue**

I focused.

The cold metal of the bur in my hand made my fingers tingle. My other hand tensed the vice and then loosened again – afraid I might have done too much. I tilted my head up at the ceiling with my eyes closed, and blew out a long, slow breath.

Maybe I just needed to spend more time with my family.

Between making rings in one of the high-end jewelry shops on the north side of town with stones that approached the cost of three months of my mortgage, going to business school, and trying figure out what I was supposed to do before officially taking over any Twilight Silver businesses, I was exhausted. At the same time, Bella graded economics tests for Masen College exams.

I just wanted to hang out with my four-year-old.

A few months ago, she had been with me when I had a session at the gym with one of Garrett's guys. Though I had repeatedly turned down his UFC offers, he was now paying me to fight with his up and coming recruits. That was giving me a lot more of a challenge in the ring, and Al got a lot fewer busted lips. When Alice had seen me fight, she was immediately intrigued and had been "sparring" with me ever since.

My eyes flickered over to the clock on the wall, which told me I had to be out within the next ten minutes to be home by six for dinner.

Tradition.

Cue Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack.

There were many things I wanted to instill in my child, and eating dinner as a family was one of them.

With the stone set, I placed the ring to the side, cleaned off my work area, and headed home to my girls. I had to smile a little when I opened the door to my car – the first car I ever bought for myself. It wasn't extravagant – just a mid-sized sedan with a car seat strapped into the middle of the backseat – but it was mine. My commute was short, and as soon as I walked in the door, they were there.

"Daddy!"

Like it always did, my pulse quickened as I heard my daughter call for me. A moment later, she was flinging herself into my arms. Right behind her was her mother, beautiful and covered in flour and cookie dough. Dessert came before dinner – just like it always did on Friday nights.

Tradition.

Though I still followed many of the traditions begun by my father, I favored those we had made up ourselves. Alice seemed to think all traditions should involve some sort of sweet, but we tried to have some practical ones as well.

Well, Bella did. I kind of liked the dessert-related ones.

Alice ran to her room as soon as dinner was over, and was out three minutes later dressed in her tiny little dobok with the green belt wrapped around her waist. I swore she decided to start with Taekwondo because she loved to kick me, and she was already a natural.

Bella had been pissed when I first brought it up – she didn't want Alice learning to fight. Once I went over all the ways she would be able to defend herself, and Alice gave her a serious amount of pouty face, Bella gave in and allowed it. Once I started training with my little girl, the real benefits became obvious to my wife.

Once we were done training, Alice was exhausted and would be in bed and out like a light by eight in the evening. I'd kiss her forehead, make sure her iPod was playing Chopin, and quietly close her door. Then I would tiptoe across the hall where my wife would be in our bed, ready to start working on Alice's little brother or sister.

Like most evenings when Alice dropped off early, Bella was ready for me – no doubt. She was splayed out in the center of the king sized bed wearing absolutely nothing at all. She was on her back, legs spread, and her little fingers were playing around with her luscious pussy.

"Vixen," I growled. I pulled my shirt over my head as I approached her. "I can't wait to get inside you. You already look so warm and wet…"

"Ready for your cock," she replied softly.

"Oh, you know what that dirty talk does to me."

Bella giggled, and I quickly pulled open my pants and let them drop around my ankles. As I crawled over her, I kicked off my boots, pants, and boxers, and let them fall to the floor next to the bed.

I was still a bit of a slob when it came to laundry.

My hands moved over my wife's thighs, past her hips, and all the way up her body. My hands cupped her face as I kissed her lightly on the lips a few times. When I pulled back, I gazed down at her for a moment, smiling at – but not mentioning – the little bit of cookie dough in her hair.

Bella's fingers reached out and ran over my chest, fingering the scripted words there.

_the reason my heart beats_

_bella, alice_

"Time to work on that third name," I told her.

"Hmm…" Her hand came up and ran over the side of my face, stopping at my lips and I kissed them. I could taste her on her own fingers, which made my cock throb.

"You're so fucking sexy, you drive me insane," I informed her.

Her legs wrapped around my waist, and she brought me to her warm core. Lips and tongues reacquainted themselves with each other as our bodies merged together. She was as warm and wet inside as she had appeared, and I slid home effortlessly.

"Yeah, baby…that's it…you feel so right!"

Bella just moaned and nipped at my neck as her hips matched my rhythm. I placed kisses down the front of her throat and between her tits. My head tilted to one side, I captured a nipple in my mouth, and then moved over to the next one. Once they had their attention, I moved back to capture her mouth with mine.

"You love that, don't you?" I mumbled against her lips. "You love my cock in you."

More moans.

I knew I was right.

Everything about being inside of her made me feel like I was where I was supposed to be – where I needed to be. It was something far, far beyond content. If there was perfection in the world, being buried inside of Bella was it. It made all the struggle, all the pains of the past worth the experience.

If that didn't bring about another child, I didn't know what would.

My fingers slid over her breast and across her stomach. I found the spot right above where we joined and gave it some attention from my thumb. Bella's hands moved from my shoulders to my back, her nails making light scratches in my skin, which I loved.

I bucked against her, pounding hard and deep.

Bella moaned and grunted under me as her hips tilted up to meet each thrust. I kept my thumb right over her clit – circling it, adding a little pressure, then circling again until she was writhing and tossing her head back and forth.

"Ohmygod!" she cried out as her back arched and her legs tightened around me. Her hands grabbed at my ass. "I love you!"

"I…fucking…love…you…baby…" My words matched my thrusts, and as her warm, wet walls tightened on my cock.

I couldn't hold back any more.

"Oh, fuck yeah…" I moaned as I held myself deep inside of her. Bella's fingers dug into my backside, anchoring us together for a minute before we finally parted.

I flopped down on the bed on my back, stared at the ceiling, and tried to get my breathing back to normal. Bella lay on her back with her legs in the air, but I didn't laugh at the pose.

Not again. I learned my lessons well.

"So?" I asked. "Did it work?"

"Well, I think we have to wait a week or so to find out."

"Not us!" I laughed. "You said you talked to Leah today."

"What makes you think I've heard?" Bella asked with a sly, secretive smile. I captured the smile with my own lips.

"Good news then?" I prompted.

"Not only did it take this time," Bella said, "but Leah and Brady are having twins!"

"Fan-flippin'-tastic!"

They had tried in-vitro twice before, and both times had been failures. Taking money from us had been hard enough on Brady's pride – something I understood wholeheartedly. There was no way he was going to take money again, and the initial fee only paid for three attempts.

"If they decide to join us for Christmas next year, your parents' house is going to be full of kids."

Like Mom was going to mind.

"Well, we already knew there would be at least two more," I said. "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting Emmett and Rose to have such an instant family, and now Brady and Leah, too?"

My cousin and his wife had gone overseas to adopt a child, and ended up coming home with two – an orphaned brother and sister ages four and six. Rosalie couldn't stand the thought of splitting them apart, and Emmett apparently agreed. They ended up adopting both.

"I don't think your mom is complaining," Bella said. "She loves the whole grandmother thing."

"She loves hyping Alice up on junk food and sending her home," I muttered.

Bella propped herself up on one elbow and looked over at me.

"And you never do that, do you?"

"Who, me?

"You took her out to the grocery store last weekend, and she came back covered in chocolate."

"It was her _special snack_," I reminded her. "She helped find all the stuff on the list."

"Whatever!" Bella rolled to her back and rolled her eyes at the same time. "It took me two hours to get her to go to bed while you were at the gym last weekend."

"Well, once I'm in school you won't have to worry about that," I reminded her.

Bella sighed, and her hand came up and traced over the side of my face.

"You sure you want to?"

I shrugged.

"I always meant to go to college," I told her. "I was always supposed to run the business."

"But you don't want to," she said.

I shrugged again.

"It's not that I don't want to…I do…I just don't know about running the whole damn thing. Emmett's better at it, and he enjoys it. I also know he can't really do it all himself. Sometime Dad and Aro are going to want to retire, and no matter what I say, Dad insists it's all going to me."

Bella nodded. She'd been witness to those conversations plenty of times.

"My next option is to just turn around and sign it all over to Emmett the day it's given to me, but I can't really do that to Dad. So, I have to do something."

"Business school," Bella stated dryly. "You could have had a UFC contract."

"I wasn't going to do that to you," I said quietly. I reached over and tucked her hair behind her head, which brushed the bit of cookie dough onto her shoulder. "Not to you, not to Alice. Besides, I'm closing in on thirty-five. There's no way I can keep fighting into my forties."

"You like making rings."

"I do," I said with a nod. "Emmett and I have talked a little bit about maybe keeping him on the finance side and me on the operations side. I could be more involved in the day to day shit then – focus on jewelry making."

It was Bella's turn to sigh as she snuggled up against me, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. With her nose against my chest, I kissed the top of her head.

"I just want you happy," she said softly.

"I have you, don't I?"

She nodded.

"And Alice?"

Another nod.

"Working on another one as often as possible?"

A giggle and a nod.

"Then I'm happy."

"Daddy?"

I quickly grabbed the blanket to be sure it was strategically placed around us.

"What cha need, Artichoke?" I asked as I looked over to the opening bedroom door.

"I had a scary dream, and I woke up," Alice said as she padded over to the edge of the bed.

It was a crock of bullshit, because if she'd had a nightmare, she'd be crying.

"Do you mean to say you just don't want to be alone?" I asked her as I reached out and stroked her hair.

"Yes," she replied.

"Say what you really mean," Bella told her. "Don't say something that isn't right just because you think you are going to get what you want. Ask for what you want and the real reason why; you know Daddy's going to lie down with you."

"I woke up, and I couldn't go back to sleep," Alice said. Her lower lip jutted out as she rubbed her eye. "I wanna sit in our chair."

"Go get your blanket, Artichoke," I said. "I'll be right there."

She nodded and walked out, which gave me the time to get some clothes on.

"Why do you call her that?"

"What?"

"Artichoke."

"I dunno," I said as I slipped out from under the sheets and grabbed a pair of lounge pants off the floor. "It just fits."

"Have you ever given her one?"

"One what?"

"An artichoke!"

"I don't think she'd like them." I grinned at my beautiful wife, and she groaned and rolled her eyes at me. I dodged a flung pillow and headed to Alice's room across the hall.

Months ago I tried to argue and fight with my daughter about staying in her own bed and going to sleep on her own, but ultimately gave up. It wasn't worth it. I just didn't think there was much chance she'd still want to fall asleep on me when she was twelve or twenty – she'd grow out of it eventually.

In the meantime, I was going to enjoy it as much as she did.

Why fight?

The fact was, everything I did was a fight. I didn't mean that in a bad way at all, it was just life. I still struggled sometimes, but I was learning to deal with the shit that was thrown at me without running away from it. That was the important part.

Irina asked me if I still craved heroin sometimes, and I had to admit that I did. The thing was, even though there might have been that little itch in the back of my head, there was no way I would ever do it. I couldn't imagine what that would do to Bella and Alice. I would never risk it.

I carried my little girl into the living room and sat down in the big "person and a half" chair Mom had insisted on buying for my last birthday. Alice and I had spent a lot of time hanging out in my old recliner watching television and what-not, and Mom decided it wasn't big enough for both of us as Alice got bigger.

Clicking the remote wasn't able to bring about anything interesting to watch, and Alice eventually settled on some Animal Planet show about dogs. She was obviously wiped out, and the exact show didn't seem to matter as much as it sometimes did.

Before too long, she placed her cheek against my chest and closed her eyes. My arms circled her and held her in a warm, safe embrace.

I was reminded of her mother and the cold nights when we first moved in together. I remembered the gunshots and alarms outside and the way I would hold Bella close to make her feel safe. Alice would never know conditions like that if I had anything to say about it, but I still liked that she slept safely and comfortably with me watching over her.

Nothing mattered to me more.

Maybe there was a time – a time that seemed so long ago – where my first thoughts were of myself, my predicament, and my grief, but those were long gone. There might have once been a time when I would have resented not going after a UFC contract, or maybe abhorred the thought of going back to school to learn to run the family business. Those days were gone, too.

I had Bella.

I had Alice.

The rest just failed to show up on the comparison scale. I was far, far from perfect. I had done some moronic shit in my time as well, but I'd eventually learned from it. I'd learned to forgive my parents and forgive myself. I learned to live for the time when I came home to my girls and found them covered in cookie dough, and look towards what the future had to bring.

Another life to love.

My mouth turned up in a slight smile, and I kissed the top of Alice's head as I held her against me. My eyes closed as I imagined Bella's stomach all round again. I remembered what it felt like to hold my hand over the right spot when the baby would kick.

I hoped tonight was the night. I hoped, closed my eyes, and even prayed tonight was the night we made another child – another one with Bella's eyes. Maybe with her hair color this time, too. Bella made everything in my life all worth it, and I couldn't wait to be able to look down into another tiny person and see my wife's eyes look back at me.

I couldn't imagine anything better.

I wasn't one to change, but when I found the right catalyst, she made it easy.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Wow – that was quite a little adventure! Uncaged Daddyward FTW! :)

And now, the credits!

A bizzillion thanks to DK for putting up with constant misplaced commas and my general whining throughout the story.

Thanks to Jadapattinson for throwing the idea over the fence at me. I didn't know where it was going to end up at the time, but it's been a fun ride! Now I have someone to blame for all my heroin knowledge.

Thanks to Deeper Water for doing the reading groups all this time. I shall miss them greatly. :(

And of course, thanks to each and every one of you for reading, reviewing, sharing your birthing/nursing stories, hanging out at the reading group forum and on facebook, and generally being awesome people – you are the reason I do this.

Check out Not What She Seems on my profile – it's a quick fic I have been neglecting, but I plan on getting back to it now that Caged is done.

In case you missed it, Otherwise Alone will be free on Amazon until midnight Pacific time on March 15, 2013!

Watch my chapter notes, facebook page, website and twitter for news on Otherwise Occupied and Surviving Raine!


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